Guards! Guards!

''Guards! Guards!'' //A short interactive experience exploring the depths of the human condition, and not at all something knocked together at the last minute for Secret Monsters. Sure, There may be unfinished paragraphs, missing links, broken logic. but hey what do you expect for £3?!// You are excited to have a ticket to the final night of Monstrous Production's final show. The Gate Art Centre, in what was once Plasnewydd Church, is only ten minutes walk away and it's 7:25 now. [[Run!]] [[Keep Walking]]

You grab the wizzard hat and toss it over your shoulder into the rows behind. The cosplayer storms off, speaking into his phone as he goes. "Agressive Audience. Zero Stars." Oh no! You've ruined the performance! [[Game Over]]

You pull out a lighter and ignite the hat. Wooooof! It goes up like flash paper! The cosplayer grabs it off their head and throws it onto the stage. Bits of Librarian have molted everywhere and they start burning too. It's spreading fast! [[Shout FIRE!]] [[Run away|Run Away From Fire]]

"Oh, of course!" he says, "Forgot I still has the thing on." He places the hat on his lap (after removing it, he's not an idiot it seems) and now you can see perfectly. The play...well, the play plays. Everyone seems to be enjoying it and quicker than expected the interval arrives. You notice one of the props has been left on the stage, just in front of the seats. It's a book - the Summoning of Something. [[Pick up the book]] [[Go to the bar]] [[Sneak backstage|Backstage]] [[Stay in your seat]] (set: $hat = false)

The play...well, the play plays. You can't see much of the stage, but everyone seems to be enjoying it. Quicker than expected the interval arrives. [[Go to the bar]] [[Sneak backstage|Backstage]] [[Stay in your seat]] (set: $hat = true)

Well, that was it. Secret Monster complete! I ran out of time to finish this - sorry for the half hearted gift! There was going to be an escaping Errol. The Discworld Monthly reviewer would turn out to be the real Rincewind. Plasnewydd Church was build on magical Ley Lines that connect worlds, hence the name 'New Place', and more! But I had this idea too late in the day, so 2250 words is all you get. If you want to try again, see if different choices change your fate, click below. If not, well, put down your phone and we'll never speak of this again. [[Change Fate|Start]]

You barely make it in time. Gemma checks your ticket and rushes you up the stairs. The only space left is behind some bloke in a large pointy hat so all you can see is the word 'Wizzard'. [[Grab the hat and throw it away]] [[Set fire the to hat]] [[Ask him to remove it]] [[Wait for the show to start]]

You stroll casually through the streets of Cardiff, wandering into the Gate fashionably late. As you head towards the stairs, Amy blocks your way. "You're late." she says. [["So? I have a ticket! Get out of the way!"]] [["Sorry. Can I sneak in?"]]

This...does not go down well. One thing leads to another and you are escorted from the premises. Oh No! You didn't get to see the show! [[Game Over]]

After a pause, Amy replies "Sure, wait until the scene changes then go in dring the blackout." You scurry up the stairs. The heavy door at the top is closed, but you can hear the muffled yet unmistakable sound of someone putting a jock strap on his head. [[Go into the theatre]] [[Wait|waitForBlackout]]

You pull open the door with a loud creak and step inside, bathed in light. Everyone turns to look at you. The audience. The crew. The cast. "Well, that's not supposed to happen." says one of the dwarfs on stage, "bloody ruined it that has." A cosplayer in a Rincewind outfit tuts and storms out of the show, speaking into his phone as be barges past you. "Distracted cast. One star." Oh no! You've ruined the show! [[Game Over]]

The theatre falls briefly silent, then the audience begin to clap. You quietly open the door and head inside. The only seat left is behind some bloke in a large pointy hat so all you can see is the word 'Wizzard'. [[Grab the hat and throw it away]] [[Set fire the to hat]] [[Ask him to remove it]] [[Wait for the show to start]]

You can't do that, it's too crowded! Did Schenck v. United States teach you nothing?! [[Run away|Run Away From Fire]]

You join the fleeing hordes. The cosplayer, his robes smouldering at the fringes, is speaking into his phone as he files out. "Audience participation in the fire scene was a terrible decision. Zero Stars." Oh no! You ruined the show! [[Game Over]]

Most of the front row have gone to the bar, but the cosplayer is still there scribbling away in a notebook. He gasps a little as you reach over and pick up the book, but quickly averts his gaze. Looks like Monstrous have gone to a lot of effort with the props. It's a heavy old thing, charred at the back, and they've written on every page. [[Read from the book]] [[Put the book down]] [[Wander backstage|Backstage]] (set: $book = true)

You head to the bar and buy a drink. Maybe another. Perhaps one more. It dawns on you that its only you and the barman left down here. Act Two is about to start! You charge clumsily upstairs and burst into the theatre. Everyone turns to look at you. The audience. The crew. The cast on stage. "Well, that's not supposed to happen." says one of the actors, "bloody ruined it that has." A cosplayer in a Rincewind outfit tuts and storms out of the show, speaking into his phone as be barges past you. "Distracted cast. One star." Oh no! You've ruined the show! [[Game Over]]

You stay where you are, patiently waiting for something to happen. [[Act Two Begins!|Seat For Act Two]]

//"lorem ipsum Tres fluctus eius dominabitur. Vocans draco. Et flamma ignis. Uber monstruosis Draconibus."// Well, thats a load of rubbish. The cosplayer leaps to his feet and starts running out of the room even before his feet hit the ground. As you watch him go, there's a shattering roar from behind you. [[Turn to look]] [[Run after the cosplayer]]

You carefully put the book back onstage where you found it - best not to meddle in the afairs of theatre companies. Some of the cast start appearing on stage, drinking from mugs and bottles. Hopefully this is part of the show, but you have a sneaking suspicion that some of them are actually drunk and just stumbled out with the rest of them. [[Return to your seat]] [[Stay sat next to the cosplayer]]

You clamper over the rows and return to your seat. [[Act Two Begins!|Seat For Act Two]]

The cosplayer frowns at you as he's josted and squeezed by everyone returning to the bench with you taking up his precious elbow room, but it's too late to move now. [[Act Two Begins!|Seat For Act Two]] (set: $movedSeat = true)

After a while, some of the cast start appearing on stage drinking from mugs and bottles. Hopefully this is part of the show, but you have a sneaking suspicion that some of them are actually drunk and stumbled out with the rest of them. (if:$hat is true)[There's something going on on the left hand table, but you can't see it behind the wizzard hat.] (if:$hat is false)[Sarah R is reading tarot cards on one of the tables, and everyone acts convincingly confused as she turns over three cards all wioth Matt B's face on them.] [[Watch the show|ActTwo]]

Act Two is pretty good. The show ends, bows, the cast and crew disco dance their way off into the sunset. Discworld Monthly give it Five Stars. Well done! [[Game Over]]

There it is. Several tons of fire and fury and arrogant destruction. Talons scratching and tearing at the stage floor. Draco Nobilis. [[Vault onto the Dragon's back]] [[Talk to the Dragon]] [[Run Away!|Keep following him]]

You sprint after the fleeing cosplayer without looking back. At the bottom of the stairs he yells "It's all gone horribly wrong. Again! Get out of here!" and darts for the nearest exit. [[Keep following him]] [[Help people out of the building]] [[Tell everyone to ignore him and go to the bar]]

You make it out the building. Smoke is billowing from the rooftop and there's a sort of leathery sound from somewhere overhead. This does not look good for Cardiff. The cosplayer rushes off into the streets, speaking into his phone. Before you loose sight of him you catch the words "Bold but ultimately foolish of Monstrous to summon a literal dragon. Two stars." Oh no! You've ruined the show! [[Game Over]]

You ignore the fleeing figure and help lead people out of the bar. Some are to drunk to stand - this is a theatre, after all - but as smoke starts billowing down the stairs and the creaking, crashing, sort of leathery noise from upstairs you keep everyone calm and lead the people to safety. When the emergency services finally arrive at the burnt out ruin that was The Gate, you are declared a hero. Cardiff has a night of celebrations in your honour! Well done! Except. Except the review of Guards! Guards! is published the same day. It just reads "Although many lives were saved, using an actual dragon was a bold but misguided production choice. Three stars." Oh no! You've ruined the performance! [[Game Over]]

You ignore the fleeing figure and tell everyone to ignore the lunatic. You head to the bar, grab a drink, and start minging with the crowds chatting about Act One. There's an ominous, sort of leathery noise from upstairs followed by loud creaks and roars. They must be testing the sound system during the intermission, right? When the emergency services finally arrive at the burnt out ruin that was The Gate, you are declared a villain. Cardiff has a night of condemnation for you! This is terrible! And. And the review of Guards! Guards! is published the same day. It just reads "Many, many lives were lost and an ancient building destroyed. Using an actual dragon was a bold but misguided production choice. One Star." Oh no! You've ruined the performance! [[Game Over]]

"Such arrogance, little human." echoes a voice in your head, "I like you. What shall we do now, friend?" [[Return to your land and take me with you]] [[DRACARIS!]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

"Very well. The rattle of the air conditioning is too distracting for me anyway." The dragon beats it's wings and flies...not up, not down, just away. What happens to you in the New Place? Well, that's a tale for another time for this is just the story of a play. A play who's review reads "Bold but ultimately foolish of Monstrous to summon a literal dragon. Two stars." Oh no! You've ruined the show! [[Game Over]]

The dragon roars and exhales. A stream of white-hot flame engulfs the theatre. Benches crack and pop and the superheated wood explodes into shrapnel. You should know better than to shout "Dracris!" in a crowded theatre but it's too late now. You feel the caress of the inferno as it swirls around you, but the heat does not touch your body, only setting your mind aflame. This is good. This is right. Cardiff must burn! Months later when the ashes settle, you and your dragon stand atop the ruins of Cardiff Castle, rightful ruler of Wales by the ancient royal treaties. Must adventure and excitement await, but sadly that is a tale for another time. All that is left of the Gate, of Monstrous Productions, is the review in Disworld Monthly "Bold but ultimately foolish of Monstrous to summon a literal dragon. Two stars." Oh no! You've ruined the show! [[Game Over]]

You push through the curtains into the wings. Pete watches you with a little shrug and nobody else is around to stop you. It's dark here. Too dark. A creeping sense of foreboding fills you mind as you walk further in. The entire backstage area is shrouded in heavy darkness. A prone figure grasps at your ankle from the floor. "The Waves! We..we went too far! Someone called up the Dark!" Whoever it was falls silent and you can no longer see them, no longer sense them at all. [[Call Pete]] [[Press on into the Darkness]]

Pete strolls up to you. "Oh, I thought something like this would happen." he says, and in one movement strips to the waist. Top half, that is. This is a PG game. A tattoo on his back sparks octarine as he mumbles harsh, angular words. The Summoning Dark is appeased and light returns slowly, hesitantly, to Backstage. The carnage is over, but so is the show. Nobody can continue after this! The Discworld Monthly review is published the following day. "Odd choice to only perform half the book. Maybe Monstrous are doing a Peter Jackson and splitting it over multiple plays. Two Stars." Oh no! The show was ruined, but you can hold your head up high - you saved lives, souls. Well done you! [[Game Over]]

You walk onwards. The weight of the oppressive darkness crushes around you, like walking under deep, deep water. Wails and moans echo around you, sounding improbably far away. You walk, and walk, and soon there is nothing but the Dark. [[Game Over]]