Steamed Hams

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/QlzRPai.jpg"> You wake up on the couch and rub your eyes. Oh no. How long were you out? Come on Seymour, get it together. It's only your career on the line. Superintendent Chalmers is due to arrive later today for lunch, and winning him over is of the utmost importance. He hasn't been impressed with you lately, but today's the day you get to change that. "Hopefully he gets here on time," you think. You'd scrawled out a hastily-scribbled map to your house on a cafeteria napkin and given it to Chalmers earlier in the week during one of his regular Springfield Elementary inspections, but cartography was never your strong point. They've been getting even more regular lately, these inspections. You try to convince yourself not to take it personally, but deep down you know you probably should. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. What? Already? Argh, how long were you asleep on the couch? Jesus Christ Seymour, you've done it again. [[Open the door: it's make-or-break time]] [[Ignore the doorbell: pretend you aren't in]]

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/3SQzV98.jpg"> You decide not to answer the doorbell. You're still only half-awake and you aren't ready to face Chalmers' intimidating, judgmental glare yet. As he stands outside your home, freezing while he waits for a welcome that will never happen, Superintendent Chalmers decides there and then that your tenure as Principal of Springfield Elementary should come to an end. The following Monday at work, you receive a phone call. It's Chalmers. "Skinner, work to the end of the week and then you're finished. Ms Krabappel will be taking over as acting Principal: she clearly has a longer and brighter future ahead of her." **Looks like Chalmers has shown you the door. If only you'd opened yours in the first place. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/open-the-door.jpg"> You open the door and there, filling the frame, is the intimidating form of Gary Chalmers. "Well Seymour, I made it," he says, "despite your directions." Damn it, you really need to learn how to draw better maps. "Ah, Superintendent Chalmers!" you reply cheerily. "Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!" "Ehh..." he doesn't seem impressed. You get the feeling you're losing him already. [[Make small talk]] [[Head to the kitchen]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/small-talk.jpg"> "So, how's young Shauna doing? I see she's recently taken a fancy to Jimbo Jon-" "Skinner, I don't have time for this nonsense. I'm here late enough as it is because of your cave painting of a map, and I don't care to waste more time discussing who my daughter's currently fraternising with." "I understand, Superintendent. Would you like to-" "I'd like to have this so-called unforgettable luncheon, before I decide to forget about this meeting altogether and go home." He isn't happy. This day isn't going to go well. [[Head to the kitchen]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/egads.jpg"> Oh EGADS! Your roast is ruined! But how could this be? You'd followed Mother's recipe to the letter, and you were certain you'd timed it perfectly so it would be ready just as Superintendent Chalmers arrived. But wait... of COURSE. He was late because of the terrible map! Argh Seymour, if only you hadn't fallen asleep and lost track of time. [[Weigh up your options]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/delightfully.jpg"> The embarrassment of being a failure as chef would be too much to bear, so you decide to go with the Krusty Burger plan. Obviously you can't leave through the front door because Chalmers would wonder where you're going, so you're going to have to climb out of the kitchen window instead. Not the most dignified situation for a former Green Beret, but desperate times call for desperate measures. You just hope there aren't any Springfield Elementary students walking by at the same time. Just as you step one foot out of the window frame, Superintendent Chalmers suddenly comes into the kitchen. "Seymour!" he shouts, angrily. This doesn't look good. [[Pretend you were exercising]] [[Come clean]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/dont-be-a-dick.jpg"> No, that isn't going to work. He could come into the kitchen at any time and discover that you're gone, and what then? What's worse: burning your guest's meal, or abandoning them in your home while a small fire starts in your kitchen? If you can't leave, then what will you do? Think, Seymour, THINK. Think like you're never thinked before. Or should that be 'thought'? Argh, you don't even know any more. Or is it 'anymore'? You can't remember. Suddenly your head starts throbbing. The stress is causing your brain to go into overdrive and a man of your disposition isn't capable of handling it. You fall to the ground, clutching your pulsating temple, and pass out. **Looks like you couldn't stand the heat, but didn't get out of the kitchen! THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/exercising.jpg"> "Superintendent!" you happily declare, pretending you're pleased to see him. "I was just... uh, just stretching my calves on the window sill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?" He looks confused but not entirely surprised. You already know he thinks you're a strange character: actions like this only reinforce that idea. He doesn't have long to digest it, however. "Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?" Oh, GADZOOKS. The oven! You forgot all about it in your attempt to leave. Surely now there's no way out of this. [[Pretend it's steamed clams]] [[Admit you've burnt the roast]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/come-clean.jpg"> You realise the jig is up. After all, the Superintendent has just seen you trying to climb out of the window while smoke billows out of your oven. "I'm afraid the dinner has been burnt, Gary," you explain. "I was just heading to Krusty Burger across the road to buy something else to replace it." "And you were just going to leave me here while your house catches fire?" "Well, I... I suppose so, yes." Chalmers glares at you with an intensity matched only by the ongoing blaze concealed within the oven door. He turns and leaves your home without saying a word. **Maybe leaving your boss to burn to death while you run off isn't the best way to win him over. It looks like this working relationship has been well and truly extinguished. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/admit-burnt.jpg"> "I'm sorry, Superintendent Chalmers," you say with no small degree of dejection. "I fell asleep before you got here, and because you were late the roast has been burnt." "Because I was late? Are you blaming this on me, Seymour?" "Oh, no no no, not at all! I was just sayin-" "Because if your map hadn't looked like the remnants of a cocaine addict's handkerchief, I'd have been here in plenty of time." "You're absoultely right. I wasn't tryi-" "You know something Seymour, that's the final straw. Don't hold me responsible for your failings." With that, Chalmers storms out of the house, leaving you with a burning oven and a burned bridge to boot. **It looks like you'll need to clean up your kitchen, and clean up your act too if you want to keep your job. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/steamed-clams.jpg"> "Uhh... no! That isn't smoke," you declare. "It's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having!" You don't know which orifice you instinctively pulled 'steamed clams' out of, but you have to commit to it now. You rub your stomach with glee. "Mmmm, steamed clams!" Chalmers looks confused and frustrated, but he at least seems to buy your explanation. Maybe he's just really into clams. Without a word, he leaves the kitchen and heads back to the dining room. "Phew," you sigh with relief. No time to lose: you clamber out of the window with all the grace of a tranquilised panda falling out of a tree. Your Green Beret days are certainly past you, Seymour. You run across the road towards Krusty Burger. Scanning ahead, you can see that there's a large queue inside the restaurant, but the drive-thru is unused. [[Line up inside the restaurant]] [[Head to the drive-thru]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/steamed-hams.jpg"> You suddenly realise that you don't have your wallet. Frantically jamming your hand into your pocket you pull out a tattered $10 and $5 bill. It looks like the most you can get for $15 is five hamburgers and fries, but to avoid the awkwardness of deciding who eats most you decide to go for an even four burgers. You run back home, climb back through the window, arrange your hastily acquired replacement meal in as inviting a manner as possible, and proudly stroll into the dining room. "Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!" you beam. "I thought we were having steamed clams." Ah, that's right. In all the drama you'd forgotten all about that small lie you told to make Chalmers leave the kitchen. He's been sitting there all this time, looking forward to clams. [[Assure him you actually said "hams"]] [[Admit you've been lying]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/ten-hamburgers.jpg"> You don't usually order from fast food establishments, so you aren't sure exactly how much is enough. Chalmers has a large frame, so best to be on the safe side. "I'd like ten hamburgers please, and ten portions of French Fries." "Okay, would you like to super size that?" "I suppose so, whatever that entails." "Thank you, please drive... uhh, walk to the collection window." You head to the window and are informed that the total cost is $28.90. At this point you realise that in all the hullabaloo at home you forgot to bring your wallet. You only have $15 in your pocket. The chap at the collection window angrily informs you that you have nowhere near enough money, and irritated by his tone you begin to argue with him. The debate becomes heated enough that two of Springfield's finest, who were coincidentally dining inside the restaurant, come outside and are forced to arrest you for breach of the peace. **You should've kept your head at the burger bar. Now it'll be a night behind bars for you instead.** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/head-to-krusty-burger.jpg"> You don't have time to line up inside, so you decide to take your chances with the drive-thru. "Uhh... hello?" a partially-broken voice squeaks through the speaker. "Yes, I'd like to place an order for some hamburgers and refreshments, if you please." "Uhh... sorry sir," the voice replies. "This is a drive-thru. If you aren't in a car we can't serve you." You know the voice. It's that pimply-faced, squeaky voiced teenager who goes to Springfield High School. You remember him being something of a sap during his elementary school days, and it would appear not much has changed. "Listen up, young Jeremy. I'm in a real hurry here, and if you don't serve me I'll inform Principal Dondelinger that you've been less than helpful." There's a pause. "Uhhh... sorry, Principal Skinner. Can I take your order?" [[Four hamburgers and fries]] [[Ten hamburgers and fries]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/assure-hams.jpg"> "Doh, no, I said steamed hams," you try to convince him. "That's what I call hamburgers!" "You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?" "Yes, it's a regional dialect." "Uh-huh." He doesn't look like he's buying it. "What region?" Suddenly this has turned into a cross-examination. Good job, Seymour, as if you weren't stressed enough. [[Utica]] [[Upstate New York]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/admit-lying.jpg"> "Well, to be honest, Superintendent, I was just saying that to get you to leave the kitchen. You see, I was having a little problem and I-" "What kind of problem?" "I was making a roast and it was burned, so I had to run to Krusty Burger and buy some burgers instead." "So that 'steam' I saw coming from the oven wasn't steam from the steamed clams at all, but..." "Smoke. From the burnt roast." Chalmers pauses. He looks like he's processing this new revelation. "You know something Seymour, I wouldn't have minded if you'd just told me what had happened, since we all make mistakes. But I'm really disappointed that you felt the need to lie to me." "But I-" "If I can't trust that you'll come to me with any problems you have in your own home, how can I trust that you'll do the same at Springfield Elementary? This has really let me down, Seymour." You both eat your meal in silence, then Chalmers excuses himself and leaves. **Dinner may have been saved, but it looks like your career may be the thing that needs rescuing now. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/bullshit.jpg"> "Uhh... Utica?" "Bullshit. I'm from Utica, and I've never heard that in my life." "Well I can assure you tha-" "That you know the slang of an area better than a man who's lived there for his entire existence, man and boy?" This has escalated a little too quickly. "I'm sorry Gary, I just-" "Forget it Seymour. Don't lie to me. You're through: I can't have a liar running one of my schools." "What? I'm fired?" "Absolutely. Maybe you can get a job at a school in Utica, since you seem to know everything about it." **Oh dear! It looks like you went one lie too far. Hopefully 'Utica' lesson from this. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/upstate-new-york.jpg"> "Uhh... upstate New York?" Good work, Seymour. Although nobody in Springfield can ever really work out what state the town is in, you almost certainly know it isn't New York, so hopefully Chalmers has never been there. "Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'." Argh! What are the chances? Come on Seymour, you're up against the wall now. [[Accept defeat]] [[Tell him it's from another part of New York]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/accept-defeat.jpg"> "I see," you quietly murmur. After a few seconds of silence, you decide to come clean. "Look Gary, this day has been a nightmare for me. I was trying to cook a roast to impress you, and I fell asleep on the couch and burned it." "You burned it?" "I then escaped through the kitchen window, ran to Krusty Burger and bought some hamburgers to make up for it." "I see." "I understand if this annoys you, but I'm tired of trying to lie, and instead of digging an even deeper hole, I've decided to just give up trying. So that's the story." "You know something, Seymour? I respect that." "I... what?" "If you're trying to impress me so much that you'll go to these lengths to keep me happy, I appreciate the effort." "Well, that's a relief. I just thought when you saw the smoke in the kitchen, you... thought that... oh, wait." You pause. "Seymour? The smoke in the kitchen. You didn't deal with it, did you?" Oh no. "SEYMOUR!" your mother yells from upstairs. "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" "I can't believe you, Seymour", Chalmers says as he dials 911 on his cellphone. "For recklessly endangering all our lives, I take back everything I said." **You came so close, but it all burned down in the end. Next time you want to be a 'liar, liar, pants on fire', make sure you put out the pants when you're done! THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/another-part.jpg"> Think, Seymour. You were a teacher before you were a principal: you should know geography. What other places are there in upstate New York? How about the state capital? Come on, you used to teach state capitals to your students all the time. New York... what's the state capital? Ah! That's right! Albany! "Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression." "I see." Wow. You might actually have won this one, Seymour. When you were up against it, you finally managed to overcom- "You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger." Egads. [[He's got you. Give up]] [[Insist it's your own recipe]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/got-you.jpg"> "That's uh... because they are from Krusty Burger." "They what?" "I burned our lunch, and bought hamburgers from Krusty Burger to replace them." Chalmers slowly rises to his feet, still holding a hamburger in his right hand. He turns and, with all his might, throws the hamburger across the room, smacking it against the dining room wall. As the greasy meat-like patty slides down the gypsum plastered wall, Chalmers puts his coat on and storms out. **I hope you enjoy peeling that burger off the wall: you'd better get used to it, because you'll probably be flipping them for a living soon. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/insist-recipe2.jpg"> "Oh, ho ho ho," you chuckle, pretending to be wholly amused at the very suggestion that you'd be serving fast food to your esteemed guest. "No, patented Skinner burgers," you assure Chalmers. "Old family recipe." "For steamed hams." "Yes." "Yes, so you call them 'steamed hams' despite the fact they are obviously grilled." Curse Krusty Burger and their flame-grilled patties! Those dark lines across the meat are a telltale sign of a good grilling. "Ye... hey, you know... the... one thing I should..." You're lost for words. [[Head into the kitchen to gather your thoughts]] [[Confess you've been lying the entire time]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/head-into-the-kitchen.jpg"> "Excuse me for one second," you say. "Of course". You get up from the table and walk into the kitchen. Oh, that's right, the fire. You should really deal with that. [[Confess to Chalmers and call 911]] [[Try to get Chalmers to leave]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/confess-lying.jpg"> "You know something?" you finally stop pretending. "It's not a Skinner burger, it's a Krusty burger. And I'll tell you something, it was probably made by someone who worked hard just to earn an honest living, just like I do." "I'm sorry?" "I burned the roast, so I bought these from Krusty Burger instead. And frankly, I couldn't given a seventh of a shit if you aren't happy with that, because I spent good money on these, and maybe if I was paid better I'd be living in a house across from The Gilded Truffle, and we'd be eating their fancy food instead of this good, honest slop." A stunned Chalmers sits and watches you as you eat your burgers with a smile on your face. Little do you know it's the last time you'll be smiling for a while: on Monday you're going to be fired. **Fair play to you for sticking it to the man, but it won't feel so good when the man tells you to stick it next week. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/call-9111.jpg"> You run back into the dining room. "Gary, I'll be blunt. I burnt the lunch and those burgers are the replacement, but that's really not important just now: the kitchen is on fire." "GOOD LORD," Chalmers exclaims. He jumps to his feet, gets out his cellphone and calls 911. Within minutes, the Springfield Volunteer Fire Department – consisting of numerous heroic townsfolk – is on the scene, and the fire is extinguished. "So kindly explain to me again sir," Apu asks in his potentially offensive accent. "Are you saying this fire started because you grown men were unable to operate an oven?" "I'm afraid so," you reply. "Wow, you guys are really irresponsible," Barney Gumble says, before letting out a belch that could strip Michelangelo's masterpiece off the Sistine Chapel's ceiling. As the fire engine pulls out of the driveway, you catch Chalmers' eye. "I'll never forget this, Seymour," he tells you. "You've embarrassed me more than I've even been embarrassed in my life." You feel terrible, but you get the feeling that over the coming days you're going to feel even worse. **Hell hath no fury like a Superintendent burned: hopefully you aren't too attached to your job. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/chalmers-to-leave.jpg"> As long as Chalmers is here, you're not going to be able to deal with this fire. You need to get him out of here, and do it quickly. You head back into the dining room and attempt your most theatrical yawn. "Ahhhh, well, that was wonderful," you declare. "A good time was had by all. I'm pooped." "Yes," Chalmers concedes, rising to leave. "I should be... GOOD LORD!" he points to the kitchen door, and the red glow behind it. What is happening in there?!" You're done for, Seymour. He's seen the fire. [["I've set the house on fire trying to impress you"]] [["Aurora borealis"]]

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/VAg6Zga.jpg"> **Steamed Hams But It's A Choose Your Own Adventure Story** By Chris Scullion [[Click here to start the big steaming story->Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/set-the-house-on-fire.jpg"> There's no more time to explain this in detail. "I've set the house on fire trying to impress you," you shout frantically. "What? Why in the hell would that impress me?" "No, you idiot, I didn't set the fire to impress you. I was trying to make a roast and it-" "Did you just call me an idiot? Because YOU set the house on fire?" "Just shut up and listen, we need to-" "WE don't need to do anything. I'm getting out of here. Sort that fire out, then sort your life out. You're fired: pun not intended." Chalmers angrily storms out. As you call 911 on your cellphone, you hope the fire hasn't spread to your computer. You're going to need it next week when you start looking for new jobs. **Looks like you couldn't keep your cool in a fiery situation. Getting all hot and bothered has been your downfall. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/aurora.jpg"> What are you going to say? What else could a big red glow coming from your kitchen be other than a huge fire? "Aurora borealis?" Wow. Where did that come from? That's absolute insanity. It's rare enough to see the northern lights in America, but it's impossible to see them indoors, you idiot. You've done it now, Seymour. "Uh..." Chalmers is confused. "Auroroa borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localised entirely within your kitchen?" "Yes." You've committed to this ridiculous charade now, might as well go along with it. He pauses. "May I see it?" What? He believes you? He may actually be less intelligent than you are. [[Yes]] [[No]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/yes.jpg"> "Yes," you say, as you gesture to the kitchen. This lie has probably gone too far now, Seymour. You're actually pretending to show him the northern lights, when in reality you're accompanying him to a blazing fire. Sure enough, as soon as you open the door, a huge backdraft blasts through the house, as both you and Superintendent Chalmers burn to death. **It would appear you've been fired, in more ways than one! THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/no.jpg"> "No." This lie has gone on long enough. Of course he can't see it, it doesn't exist. Get him out of there. You escort Chalmers out of the house, but as you do, you hear a yell from upstairs. "SEYMOUR! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" Oh no: mother! You forgot all about her! [[Explain that you must rescue your mother]] [[Continue to lie]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/must-rescue-mother.jpg"> You sigh and close your eyes. "Is she right, Seymour?" Chalmers asks. "Yes," you concede. You go on to explain the whole story in unflinching detail, while the blaze continues inside and your mother's yells get louder. "I can't believe you'd risk your own mother's life to continue a lie," Chalmers tells you. "Even worse, I can't believe you'd then take so long to explain the situation while your mother continues to burn upstairs. What the hell is wrong with you?" Chalmers runs back into your house, runs upstairs, grabs your mother and carries her outside before the house is engulfed in flames. "Thank you, you kind gentleman," she tells him. "Thank goodness you were here: my son was ready to leave me to die." Chalmers glares at you. In your mind you already start wondering how many cardboard boxes you'll need to order so you can clear your desk. **Your boss endangered his life for your own mother because he thinks you were too cowardly to do it. You'd better like the northern lights after all, because you're about to go on an extended unpaid vacation. THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/continue-to-lie.jpg"> "No mother," you yell up at the window, "it's just the northern lights!" "Well, Seymour," Chalmers says, "you are an odd fellow, but I must say: you steam a good ham." For the first time that day – for the first time since you've probably ever known him, in fact – Superintendent Chalmers smiles at you. As he slowly walks down your front path, your mother shouts again. "HELP!" her cry sounds more desperate. "HEEEEELP!" Chalmers turns back to make sure everything's okay. [["I'm sorry, my mother is burning to death"]] [[Give a thumbs up]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/mother-burning1.jpg"> You quickly realise the gravity of the situation and that you're probably ill-equipped to handle it. "Wait!" you shout. Chalmers looks at you. "I'm sorry, my mother is burning to death," you say, gesturing your thumb back towards the now-hefty blaze behind you. "I don't know if I'll be able to save her." Chalmers runs back into the house, while you stand helplessly on the porch. Suddenly, the house explodes, the force of the explosion throwing you onto the sidewalk. Your mother is dead. Your boss is dead. Both your home life and your work life have just literally been obliterated in front of your face. **You were so close, but all those chances you took built up and the result is a complete, tragic catastrophe. Ah well! THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/thumbs-up.jpg"> It's too late to back down now. You've committed to this lie, and you're now at the finish line. As your mother screams in the blaze behind you, you force a grin and give Chalmers a thumbs up. He walks away, leaving you with a house on fire, a trapped and terrified mother... but your job fully intact and safe. **SUCCESS! THE END** [[Start again]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/devilish.jpg"> But what if... you were to purchase fast food and disguise it as your own cooking? After all, there's a Krusty Burger right across the road. If you're quick enough, you may be able to run over there, buy some burgers and make it back in time before the Superintendent even notices you were gone. It's risky, but given that the only other option is a burnt roast it might be a gamble worth taking. After all, everyone loves Krusty Burger. [[Oh ho ho ho ho, delightfully devilish, Seymour!]] [[Don't be a dick, Seymour, he won't buy it]]

<img src="https://tiredoldhackdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/yes.jpg"> You know that drive-thrus have cameras. As soon as they see that you're not in a car, they'll tell you they can't serve you and you'll waste even more time. You decide to take your chances and queue inside the restaurant instead. The wait is interminable: it appears that all of Springfield has decided now is the time to buy a Krusty Burger. Even young Lisa Simpson is in the queue and you know for a fact she's a vegetarian. After what feels like an hour you finally get the burgers, but by the time you leave it's too late. You can see the flames through your living room window. You hope Chalmers was able to leave in time, but even if he did you know he'll never forgive you for this. **Chalmers may or may not be dead, but your career certainly is. THE END** [[Start again]]