Waluigi: A True Love Story

<h2>Waluigi: A True Love Story</h2> <h3>A Novel by Rivet</h3> WARNING: everytime there's a link (it's purple with an underscore on it) open it up on a new tab or else you'll have to start the game from scratch. And that is bad. [[Chapter 1 - The Encounter]] [[Chapter 2 - The Day After]]

<h1>Chapter 1 - The Encounter</h1> <h3>Monday - 7:45 AM</h3> It's a warm September morning. Today is your first day in high school, and you are in your bedroom. You've spent the night playing on your favourite videogame (like always), and now you're lying on your bed, awake, with red eyes and a crushing headache (like always), thinking about the endless summer days when you played videogames with your friends, eating junk food. Those were happy days... ...if only you ever knew what being "<b>happy</b>" really meant. Around one year ago, you realized that you were deeply, madly in love with him. There is nothing you could do: you couldn't think about anything but him. Wherever you went, all you saw was him. I'm talking about <b>him</b>. <h5>The Purple Prince of your dreams.</h5> <h4>The Tall Angel from Heaven.</h4> <h3>The Sharp-Moustachied Hero you can't live without.</h3> <h1 style="color:BlueViolet;">*Waluigi.*</h1> <img src="https://am23.akamaized.net/tms/cnt/uploads/2018/06/Screen-Shot-2018-06-13-at-2.37.42-PM.jpg" width="640" height="363"> Unfortunately, [[you live in a society]] where loving Waluigi is considered wrong, unethic, or even <i>blasphemous</i>. In the beginning, you were destroyed. Everything that was a certainty in your life was being questioned. "It's impossible", you said. "I can't love Waluigi! I've never felt anything for him! This is unnatural!". You started thinking that you were a creep, a weirdo. What were you doing there? You didn't belong there. And so you lied about yourself, and <i>at yourself</i>. You went around claiming to hate Waluigi, and everyone who loved him. At first, you felt safe, knowing that no one would hurt you when you're preteding to be someone else... <h3>...but you can't lie forever.</h3> And so, when you realized that lying was pointless, you started looking for people that had the same "problem" as you. The place where to find them was obvious: the <b>Internet</b>, of course. Where all of life's problems are solved. And created. Unfortunately, all you found were forums about how Waluigi was overrated, not worthy to be in a Smash Bros. game, and that his fans should all <b>die</b>. Those were words of <i>hate</i>, <i>disgust</i>, <i>rage</i>, and sometimes even <i>jealousy</i>. <h3>And those words harmed you.</h3> Without a way to live in this world being who you really are, and with the fact that carrying this burden was too much of... well, a burden, you realized that if this world has been too cruel with you, maybe in the other world you would find the so much desired peace. So, you opted for the most drastic, horrible, and life-changer decision of all: <b>suicide</b>. After all, you had nothing to lose but people who'd never accept your feelings, that would label you as a mistake, a joke of nature. You were ready to leave those hypocrites behind. Until you found what you were searching. <h4>An answer.</h4> <h3>An hope.</h3> <h2>And end to your suffering.</h2> One day, the same day you decided to end it all, an e-mail named "THE ANSWAH" was sent to you by a certain "[[Wahnonimous]]" Here's the content of the e-mail: <em> "Hello, young man. You surely have no clue who I am, but I know you. You are a poor soul wandering alone this land of confusion, of madness, of evil, and I'm here to help you. Who am I? It's a secret, but I can assure you one thing: I am your ally. I am your friend. In fact, I am friend with everybody who loves our lord and savior Waluigi. He is the just in the midst of the unrighteous, the pure in the midst of the wicked, the light, in the midst of the darkness. And it's from the darkness that I want you to get out: that's why I'm here. There is an online platform for people like you created by people like you. People who love Waluigi. People who desire nothing but Waluigi. People who worship Waluigi as their God and Father. The platform is called [[PurpleLivesMatter.com]]. There, you will find a home, inhabitated by others who share the love and respect for Waluigi and its people. Now go, my friend, liberty is just one click away! JOIN THE REWAHLUTION!</em> You were quite confused in the beginning. Who was this "Wahnonimous"? How did he get your e-mail? How did he knew that you were struggling in the first place?! But you also thought it was worth a shot. And nothing was the same anymore. That website gave you the hope and the strength you needed to go on in your life. You read stories about brave Purple people who fought for their rights to be acknowledged. They weren't scared of being themselves, of showing the world that they were people too. Those stories inspired you to be a better person, to be another person, to be <i>yourself</i>. <h1>But that wasn't enough.</h1> Even after realizing that you weren't alone, you still felt uncomplete, like something was missing. "What could it be?", you asked yourself. "I found what I was looking for: people like me. But why do I still feel bad?" <h4>Until you found out what was wrong with you.</h4> <h3>You didn't want people who liked <i>him</i> too.</h3> <h2>You were looking for <i>him</i>.</h2> <h5>The Purple Prince of your dreams.</h5> <h4>The Tall Angel from Heaven.</h4> <h3>The Sharp-Moustachied Hero you can't live without.</h3> <h1 style="color:BlueViolet;">*Waluigi.*</h1> <img src="https://theemptypage.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/waluigi-crouching.png?w=1280" width="600" height="510"> But sadly, that was a dream meant to be unfulfilled, since Waluigi is not real. <h3><i>Not real.</i></h3> Those two words hurt more than every offense, insult, or furry fanfictions combined. They mean that you'll never wake up to his voice, you'll never have a walk with him, hand in hand, you'll never be passionate with him. Instead, you'll end up being entirely entirely alone, with no one on your side, or even worse, being with someone you don't love, making them live a lie. As days went by, you started to accept the situation, and to go on with your life as a Waluigi lover who would never be entirely happy. And so here we are at the start point. It's a warm September morning. Today is your first day in high school, and you are in your bedroom, completely Waluigi-themed. Waluigi posters, Waluigi action figures, Waluigi-incentered books about the history of the first years of the XIX century... if something was Waluigi-related, it had to be yours. You've spent the night playing your favourite videogame, Mario Party 4, and now you're lying on your Waluigi-shaped bed, awake, with red eyes and a crushing headache, thinking about the endless summer days when you played Mario Strikers Charged Football with your friends, eating tacos. Those were happy days... ...if only you ever knew what being "<b>happy</b>" really meant. After a strange feeling of amnesia, you get up from your bed like you always do- but this time, it's special. As we said before, this is your first day of high school. You don't know what you'll find once inside, but that's the charm of high school. (Actually, high school isn't charming at all.) <h3>8:00 AM</h3> After getting dressed with your favourite Purple Lives Matter™ T-Shirt you bought for only 29.99$ dollars on PurpleLivesMatter.com (that will have special sales on Purple Friday at the end of this month) and having <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZBwlCwGz7w">your favorite breakfast</a>, you get out of your house, waiting for the schoolbus to come. The sky today is blue as your feelings, and if in your life there are too many clouds, in the sky there's none. The schoolbus arrives and, after obviously thanking the bus driver as always, you see that the only free seat left is the last one. Walking all the way to get there, among the judging faces of the people, makes you understand how Jesus felt during the Procession. Without the whole crucifixion thing. And so, you sit down, alone, ready to train for your favourite sport: watching outside the bus' window staring at nothing and thinking about the Universe. After a few meters (or miles, I don't know where you live- or do I...?), the bus stops again, and just when you were finally understanding Hegel's dialectics, here it comes. <h4>A lighthouse.</h4> <h3>An answer in a world of questions.</h3> <h3>A solution in a world of problems.</h3> <h3>It's <i>him</i>.</h3> <h5>The Purple Prince of your dreams.</h5> <h4>The Tall Angel from Heaven.</h4> <h3>The Sharp-Moustachied Hero you can't live without.</h3> <h3>This gimmick is getting old.</h3> <h1 style="color:BlueViolet;">*Waluigi.*</h1> <img src="https://i.imgur.com/cHQXE01.png" width="600" height="400"> You cannot believe you very eyes. Waluigi, the fictional character you are head over heels with, is real. REAL. AND GOES AT THE SAME SCHOOL AS YOU! And he's searching for a free seat. And guess where was the only one seat that hasn't been occupied? That's right, my dear stereotipated love story protagonist! THE SEAT NEAR YOU! And so he sits right near you. Your mind is confused, you hands are shaking, your palms are sweaty, your knees are weak, your arms are heavy, there's vomit on your sweater already, mom's spaghetti, and so on. Suddenly, he starts talking to you. "WAHHHHH!", he says. "WALUIGI TIIIIIME!". You haven't heard words more beautiful than those. Dante, Shakespeare, Whitman, Jake Paul... who are those poets compared to him? But you're speechless, for how much you're confused. So, these magnificent words remain unanswered. Waluigi doesn't speak anymore. It seems like you pissed him off... and after what it seemed an eternity, you arrived at your new school, "Masahiro Sakurai High School" <img src="https://i.imgur.com/WBywy1C.png" width="800" height="647"> It's a building so big you could get lost so easily. Even I, the narrator, got lost while I was talking about the bus earlier. Hello? Is anyone here? Helloooooooooooo?! <h3>8:45 AM</h3> Anyway, let's go back to us. You're listening the freshman ceremony in the gym, with thousands of people who, like you, are at their first year of high school. Among them, there's him, Waluigi, at the far left of the room. You make sure that he's not looking at you, because you don't want to get caught staring at him, pissing him off again. "Hold on a second", you start to think. "How it's possible that a character so famous and loved as Waluigi is basically invisible to all these people? Do they even know that they're breathing the same air as him?! How ungrateful!" The boring ceremony finishes and you go to the first boring class. But you ignore the lesson, and can't think of nothing but that strange encounter. Was it real? Or was it just an hallucination? Were you really talking to Waluigi before? And will it ever happen again? <h3>2:00 PM</h3> You keep thinking about that even at lunch, sitting alone, by yourself. The food is not very good, but you've eaten worse things, like that fly you almost choked on, for example (actually, you're not even sure it was worse than that). You don't see Waluigi eating at a table, andyou start asking to yourself where did he go. But suddenly, against all odds, you hear four words you never thought you'll hear. <h3>"Can I sit here?"</h3> <img src="https://i.imgur.com/s2Fi0Pu.png" width="1279" height="635"> Ok, <i>this is epic</i>. First, you meet Waluigi on your schoolbus, and now someone wants to seat near you at lunch. What next? Is Rivet going to respect a deadline? (That's never going to happen and we know it, guys.) But who was this young gentleman who wanted to eat lunch with you? "Oh, sorry, the narrator forgot to introduce me. I'm Piranha Plant, but everybody calls me P.P." "I'm so sorry about that", you reply. "Why do you want to eat lunch with me?" "Because... well, this is embarassing, but... I thought you were really cute. That's all." Oh lord. More stuff happened in your first day of high school than in all middle school. You start eating with Piranha and you share some words. Actually, you find out that you two have a lot of things in common, like the love for Mario Party games made for the GameCube. You talk so much that you don't even realize that lunch time is over, and they throw you out of the cafeteria. You promise Piranha that you'll have lunch together tomorrow, and he gives you his phone number. (Score!) The day goes on as you think about those two crazy events, until it's time to go to sleep. <h3>10:30 PM</h3> Dream or not, you realize that this is your opportunity to escape this dreadful life and enter a new one, made of love, happiness, and Waluigi. You waited so much for this chance, and will you let it slip like it's nothing? OF COURSE YOU DON'T! OR ELSE, THIS WOULD BE THE ENDGAME! But this is just a demo of your upcoming adventures. So, you decide that, the next day, you will look for Waluigi again, and this time you'll ask him out for a date. "BUT WAIT!", you think. "I don't know anything about dating and stuff! Maybe I should search something online... but I'll leave that for the next chapter." And so, after a very long, unbelievable day, you go to sleep, thinking that now, finally, the sad times are over. <h1><i>IT'S WALUIGI TIIIIIIIIME!</i></h1> ____________________________________________________ <h3>End Of Chapter 1</h3> [[Chapter 2 - The Day After]]

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/DLdxfj4.png" width="440" height="608"> <h2 style="color:yellow;">WE ARE WAHNONYMOUS</h2> <h2 style="color:yellow;">WE ARE A WALUEGION</h2> <h2 style="color:yellow;">WAH DO NOT FORGIVE</h2> <h2 style="color:yellow;">WAH DO NOT FORGET</h2> <h2 style="color:yellow;">EXPECT WAHS</h2> <a href="https://twitter.com/rivet50342514">Click here to join the Rewahlution!</a>

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<h1>Chapter 2 - The Day After</h1> It's deep night. You are outside your house in a small alley, in your pajamas. That's weird, you don't recall getting here... but as soon as a lid of a garbage can started randomly rolling down the street, you stop making yourself questions. Suddenly, a shadow appears from behind a wall, and before you completely turned back, a strange figure is coming towards you. He is wearing an hat with a red "M" on it, along with a black striped red sweater. His arms are inhumanly long, and he's wearing a glove with blades on his right hand. His face is completely burned, aside from his great, black moustaches. "Shit...", you say, as the figure keeps walking slowly in your direction, scratching the wall with his glove, and laughing at the same time. "Please, God..."- this is all you can say in front of this demonic monster. But you feel your blood freeze as the entity replies: <h1 style="color:#ff0000;"><i>"THIS IS-A GOD! MAMMA MIA!"</i></h1> If Satan had a voice, it would be his. You find the strength to run away as fast as you can, but not only the figure is fast, he's also capable to teleport in front of you. You start running to your house (something that you should've done way before, imho, but that's what happens in the movie so I have to write that down so whatevs), and as you turn back, you see the monster, who suddenly stopped. "WATCH-A THIS!", he screams as he proceeds to cut his fingers with his blade, and you feel sick as you see that his blood is green, and not red as usual. But there's no time to lose: you're almost at home! As you approach to open the door, the mustachied bastard grabs your pajamas, and tosses you to the ground. "WALUIGI!", you scream desperately. "OPEN THE DOOR! WALUIGI!". You are wrestling with the monster, hoping that you would get out of this situation soon, but as you grab his moustaches, his whole skin falls off, revealing his skull. And as the bastard keeps laughing hysterically, you are able to do nothing but scream. But, before he manages to open your chest, you wake up, with your face, your hands and your bed covered in sweat (or, at least, you hope that the one on your bed is sweat). [[That was the worst nightmare of your life.]] Well, at least now you have something to talk about with Piranha Plant today at lunch. <h3>Tuesday - 7:30 AM</h3> And so the second day in your new life has started. A new life made of hope, dreams, love and, especially, <i>Waluigi.</i> But this new life isn't perfect yet, since you still haven't conquered your loved one's heart. That's why you stayed up all night long, trying to find some tutorials on the Internet about how to make someone fall in love with you, how to act on a date, and so on (maybe that's the reason why you had that nightmare, staying up too late on the computer). But instead of finding tutorials, you found out that there's a DATING SCHOOL in your city, who opened recently. Its name is [["Yoshi's Dating Academy for Incels, Weebs, Furries and Other Kinds of Creeps"]]. Just looking at the website made you realize that this is the <i>perfect</i> chance to learn everything about the scary and dark world of relationships. You managed to contact Yoshi, the principal of the school, in order to attend a free trial lesson THIS AFTERNOON. That's exciting! But for now, let's think about going to regular school. <h3>8:00 AM</h3> After getting on the schoolbus, you go to sit in the only free spot: the last one. Some things never change, uh? But you know that your life has already changed yesterday, and will continue to change in this next days, thanks to your hero Waluigi. Speaking of him, where is he? You've been on the schoolbus for ten minutes and he hasn't arrived yet. Was it just a dream after all? Ah, of course it was: you're never going to find love. Especially Waluigi's love. You start to think how foolish you've been, thinking that your prayers and calls for help might have been answ- Wait, what? <h3>Waluigi is getting on the schoolbus?</h3> <h2>So this wasn't a dream after all?!</h2> <h2>So the story goes on?!</h2> <h1>SO THAT MEANS I HAVE TO WORK MORE?! OH, COME ON! I'VE BEEN WORKING UNINTERRUPTEDLY FOR A WHOLE WEEK!</h1><h5>As the writer of this story should have done too.</h5><h1>NOW THAT'S IT! I'M OUTTA HERE! SCREW YOU, EVERYBODY!</h1> <h3><i>Three weeks later...</i></h3> Ok, so... testing, testing... 1,2,3... 1,2,3... *cough noises* Hello? Is anyone here? Hi! I'm the new narrator! My name is Jim, nice to meet you! Don't worry, I'll do everything to be as good as the previous narrator! You won't even understand the difference!<h5>Also because this game doesn't have sound...</h5> Anyway... let's get back to us. As we were saying before, Waluigi has now finally stepped into the bus, but... he doesn't see you! What a disgrace! What a misfortune! Is he mad at you? Is he SCARED by you? DOES HE EVEN RECALL MEETING YOU?! Who knows? The only thing is that, even if now he's ignoring you, after the dating academy he will be moustaches over heels about you! You start to daydream about how great of a playboy you will become, until it's time to get out of the bus (after thanking the bus driver, of course). <h3>2:00 PM</h3> It's lunchtime! Oh, have you been looking forward to this. Not only because of those boring lessons, but also because you're having lunch with your friend Piranha Plant! You start searching for a free table, when suddenly, you hear a familiar voice. "Hey, you! Over here!". It's him, Piranha Plant. You go to his table and sit next to him. Even if you met him only yesterday, you feel like you could talk with Piranha about everything. Hours feel like minutes when you two talk. A lot of people would be jealous of you, talking to this handsome guy that Piranha is. There's just something about him... something you want too, in order to make Waluigi fall in love with you! <h3>6:00 PM</h3> After school, you take the bus to the Dating Academy. This is what you see from the outside: <img src="https://i.imgur.com/apME1GJ.png" width="1000" height="700"> "What a lovely building", you think. "Surely no one is going to commit <i>tax fraud</i> in here..." You enter your classroom, filled with a lot of young students, in urgent need of a girlfriend/boyfriend, just like you do. You see at least twelve people with a fursuit, nine with a fedora and twentyfive with a neckbeard and overweight. You also notice a small group of weebs, where the best-looking man has a katana on his back and a Naruto bandana on his forehead. "Where the hell am I?", you ask to yourself, thinking about how the nightmare you had wasn't that bad after all. After five minutes, the teacher arrives. "Good evening, classroom!", he says in a very strong voice. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/a5HBDfV.png"> "I am your dating teacher, Mr. Yoshi. Now, before we begin our lesson, has anybody here ever had a relationship?" Several people raised their hands up (but not you). "With a real person." A good part of people lowered their hand. "Who was aware of the fact that they were in a relationship with you." Another good part of people lowered their hand. "And didn't laugh at you when they found out." A few people lowered their hand. "Or called the police." Nobody was raising his hand now. "Well, that's great! Otherwise, you'd be at my place! Now, let's begin with the basis-" And before Mr. Yoshi even managed to say a word, a group of cops smashed the door of the classroom. "It's the IRS! Mr. Yoshi Goldstein, you are <i>UNDER ARREST!</i> Put your hands up!". It turns out that Mr. Yoshi has a history of tax fraud behind his dating teacher façade. Who would have ever thought that? You are bummed out because you didn't get to learn anything about dating but hey, at least you didn't waste money. And you also learned a valuable lesson: <h1>DON'T MESS WITH THE IRS.</h1> <h3>10:30 PM</h3> It's time to go to sleep. Man, this was a LONG day, between nightmares and arrests. You started to realize that maybe going to the academy wasn't a total waste of time: seeing all those weirdos made you feel more confident about yourself. And so, you take a decision: you're going to ask Waluigi out for a date- TOMORROW! AH, they're growing up so fast... *sniff sniff* Eh? Oh, no, I'm not crying, I have something in my eyes... something like pride for my young boy who is now an adult... and so, you fall asleep, waiting for the day to come. ___________________________________________________ End of Chapter 2 Chapter 3, "The Double Down", coming soon! (I'll try...)

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/NDO1Yqp.png" width="776" height="1014"> I'm not even sorry.

<h1 style="color:#00DB00;">YOSHI'S DATING ACADEMY FOR INCELS, WEEBS, FURRIES AND OTHER KINDS OF CREEPS</h1> <h3>BUY MY BOOK "THE 138 COMMANDMENTS OF DATING - AND 50 RECIPES WITH TRUFFLES"<a href="https://gamejolt.com/games/waluigiatruelovestory/377288">HERE</a></h3> <img src="https://i.imgur.com/ZjKQeyx.png"> Welcome to Yoshi's Dating Academy for Incels, Weebs, Furries and Other Kinds of Creeps, also known as YDAIWFOKC! We helped lots of people around the world finding love, and we're ready to help YOU! It doesn't matter if you're as boring as a book of chemistry in latin! (I HATE chemistry.) Are you skeptical? Listen to the story of one of our students, John. <img src="https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--YiGwVWmF--/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/gyfcusgq6hhstspczpdr.jpg"> <h5>Here's a picture of John.</h5> John was struggling because he couldn't find a girlfriend, but then he came at YDAIWFOKC and BAM! He's now married- with KIDS! "I am completely grateful to YDAIWFOKC. Without them, I would be a waste of a human being, living in my mom's basement doing nothing but watching anime and playing videogames all day. Now, I am a waste of a human being who lives in his mom's basement doing nothing but watching anime and playing videogames all day who also has a wife and kids!" <img src="https://www.tubefilter.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/ninja-thursday-night-football.jpg"> <h5>This is John before he came to YDAIWFOKC.</h5> <img src=https://i.imgur.com/L6MZQAw.png> <h5>Now this is John after he finished YDAIWFOKC. Here it is with his family- his son, his daughter, and his wife (not in this exact order).</h5> So, what are you waiting for? Come and join us at YDAIWFOKC RIGHT NOW! Only 2999$ per month! (Hey, somebody's gonna pay dem <i>taxes</i> amirite?) Contacts: <a href="https://twitter.com/rivet50342514">Yoshi's Email Address</a>