Domain of the Cyberwitch

DOMAIN OF THE CYBERWITCH

A TEXT ADVENTURE ABOUT APPLE PICKING AND OPEN RELATIONSHIPS

CONTINUE
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HE IS WEARING A TATTERED BLACK CLOAK.\n\nIT DOESN'T LOOK COOL. IT LOOKS LIKE HE SAW A MOVIE WHERE THE PROTAGONIST WAS WEARING A TATTERED BLACK CLOAK AND HE BOUGHT ONE, PRE-RIPPED, FROM A STORE.\n\nHE SEEMS LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WORE A FEDORA IN HIGH SCHOOL.\n\n[[BECAUSE, SADLY, HE IS.|WHELP]]\n

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST OPEN RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE BEEN INVOLVED IN. HE LOVES HIS WIFE VERY MUCH -- YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY HE OCCASIONALLY TALKS ABOUT HER IN PASSING.\n\nIN HIS WORDS: HE HAS A LOT OF AFFECTION THAT CAN'T ALL SATISFY OR BE SATISFIED BY ONE PERSON.\n\nEVEN HIS WIFE LOVES THE FACT THAT YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER. SHE TELLS HIM THAT SHE ADORES SEEING HIM AS HAPPY AS HE IS WHEN HE TALKS TO YOU OVER THE CYBERNET, OR FLIES BACK FROM MEETING YOU.\n\nTHEIR MARRIAGE IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO PERFECT -- NONE ARE -- BUT HE IS NOT HERE BECAUSE HE'S RUNNING FROM HIS WIFE. \n\nHE'S HERE FOR YOU.\n\n[[NOW IT'S TIME TO TOSS THAT DUMB FUCKER IN A CYBERBLENDER AND MAKE SOME EVIL ROBOT CLONES OUT OF HIM.|continue]]\n

<<set $done_movie = "yes">>\n<<set $date = $date + 1>>\nYOU RUSTLE UP AN ANTIQUE VIDPLAYER AND A COPY OF "THE GENERAL," STARRING BUSTER KEATON.\n\nTHE WHELP SNAKES HIS ARM AROUND YOU DURING THE SECOND ACT (WHEREIN BUSTER KEATON TRIES TO SAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND AND YOU KIND OF ROOT FOR HIM EVEN THOUGH HE'S FIGHTING FOR THE CONFEDERACY BECAUSE MEDIA IS COMPLICATED).\n\nYOU ARE NATURALLY DISGUSTED, OF COURSE. HOW DO YOU REACT TO THIS INSULT?\n\n[[MURMUR YOUR FAMILY'S TRADEMARK CURSE -- A DISMEMBERING INCANTATION -- AND SLICE HIS ARM FROM HIS TORSO WITH MAGIC WORDS ALONE.|TAKEARM]]\n\n[[PUT YOUR ARM AROUND HIM, TOO.|ARMAROUND]]

YOU RAISE THE PORTCULLIS. THE NOONDAY SUN PAINTS THE WORLD A DARK ORANGE. ELECTROBATS FLY OVERHEAD, DATA DRIBBLING FROM THEIR FANGS.\n\nTHE WHELP STANDS BEFORE YOU, POSTURE AS BAD AS EVER, FRAME AS FRAIL AS EVER, SKIN AS BURNT SIENNA AS EVER. HE HAS A STUPID GRIN ON HIS FACE THAT SOMEBODY PROBABLY TOLD HIM WAS CHARMING ONCE, AND HE KEPT DOING IT NOT REALIZING THEY WERE JUST BEING POLITE.\n\n"Hey, darlin'," HE SAYS, ONCE AGAIN TRYING OUT A NEW [[TERM OF ENDEARMENT|OTHER TERMS]] IN THE HOPES THAT MAYBE THIS ONE WILL STICK.\n\nHOW DO YOU RESPOND?\n\n[["HEY, FELLA"|HEYFELLA]]\n\n[["I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!"|SOHAPPY]]\n\n[["I WILL PUSH MY THUMBS INTO YOUR NIPPLES AND PULL THE SOUL ENERGY RIGHT OUT OF YOU AS I HAVE TO SO MANY OTHER MORTALS. I WILL DEFRAGMENT YOUR VERY ESSENCE UNTIL YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A COCKTAIL OF ONES AND ZEROES THAT I CAN POUR INTO MY SILICON CAULDRON. I WILL MAKE CYBERPOTIONS FROM YOUR ESSENCE AND I WILL FLY INTO THE HEART OF THE NET POWERED BY THE SCREAMING, MEWLING AGONY THAT WILL COMPRISE YOUR ENTIRE BEING AS YOU DIE BY MY HANDS"|EVIL]]\n

IT'S A WORD\n\n[[SHUT UP|continue]]\n

"My flight's in a couple hours," THE WHELP SAYS. "I think it's probably time I went to the airport."\n\nBEFORE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, HE WRAPS HIS ARMS AROUND YOU AND GENTLY BURIES HIS FACE IN YOUR NECK.\n\n"Thank you so much for letting me stay. Thanks so much for, like, talking to me in the first place."\n\nTHEN, HE SAYS A DISGUSTING THING THAT CAUSES YOUR SKULL TATTOO TO BITE ITS NONEXISTENT TONGUE IN FURIOUS SILENCE.\n\n"I love you."\n\nYOUR TATTOO IS FURIOUS TO HEAR THE WHELP REPEAT THE [[FORBIDDEN PHRASE|forbidden]] ONCE AGAIN. YOUR ELECTRIC ARMBAND SPINS UP IN PREPARATION, READY TO INCINERATE THE WHELP BEFORE CAN UTTER EVEN ONE MORE AMOROUS SYLLABLE.\n\nBEFORE YOU CAN RESPOND, LUCCA, YOUR FELINE FAMILIAR, HEADBUTTS YOUR LEG. IT'S TIME TO GET THIS ASSHOLE OUT OF YOUR CASTLE.\n\n"I WILL CONVEY YOU TO THE FLIGHT DOCK," YOU SAY, AVOIDING HIS DOPEY GAZE. [["FOLLOW ME AT ONCE."|conc2]]

HE SAID THE FORBIDDEN PHRASE.\n\nYOU COULD IMMEDIATELY TELL HE DIDN'T MEAN TO. HIS EYES SHOT DOWNWARD. HIS BROWN SKIN TURNED BRIGHT RED. HE IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZED WHEN THOSE THREE WORDS WERE MET WITH SILENCE FROM YOU.\n\nTHEN, YOU SAID "UH, THANK YOU." THEN, "I MAY SAY THAT TO YOU EVENTUALLY, WHEN THE TIME FEELS RIGHT."\n\nYOU DIDN'T SAY "I WISH YOU HADN'T SAID THAT SO IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL LESS BAD WHEN I THROW YOUR BODY INTO THE BLENDOCAULDRON AND HARVEST YOUR DNA FOR ILLEGAL, DIGITAL EXPERIMENTATION".\n\nNOT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE RUDE OR ANYTHING, BUT BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY YOU'LL FEEL AT ALL BAD UPON DOING THAT.\n\n[[STUPID ASSHOLE.|continue]]\n

"Think of it like: HQ, the 'H' is for 'hand.' The 'D' in 'R&D' is for 'deck." And archives is...I dunno. Just think of the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like trash."\n\n[["SHUT UP STUPID"|CARDGAME]]

I love you, Jenna.\n\nMade in 2014 by Anthony Burch.

<<set $done_apple = "yes">>\n<<set $date = $date + 1>>\n"WE WILL HEAD TO AN APPLE PICKING ORCHARD."\n\n"Oh, that sounds nice."\n\n"THE ORCHARD GREW OUT OF THE BLOOD-SOAKED SOIL OF JEREMIAH SUTTER, BETRAYED BY HIS ONLY SON. THE APPLES ARE PHYSICAL ARTIFACTS OF JEREMIAH'S ETERNALLY ENDURING HATRED, THE SPHERICAL FRUITS PULSATING WITH SPITE AND POISON. \n\nTHE ORCHARDS ARE FILLED WITH RAZORVINES. SO MUCH AS LOOKING AT THEIR BLOSSOMS FOR MORE THAN A FEW SECONDS WILL SLICE OPEN YOUR VEINS FROM WITHIN. YOU WILL FALL TO THE CRIMSON GROUND AND BECOME YET MORE FERTILIZER FOR JEREMIAH'S VENGEANCE."\n\n"What do you use the apples for?"\n\n"APPLE SAUCE I GUESS"\n\nAFTER DONNING SPECIAL METAMITHRIL GLOVES AND JOINING UP WITH A FEW OF YOUR NETWIZARD FRIENDS, YOU HEAD OUT TO THE [[ORCHARD.|ORCHARD]]\n

"Ow," HE SAYS, AND THEN SAYS IT A FEW DOZEN MORE TIMES. EVENTUALLY HIS WHINES GET IRRITATING ENOUGH THAT YOU CAUTERIZE THE WOUND WITH A QUICK LICK OF FLAME, SHOT FROM YOUR FINGERNAILS. HE PASSES OUT, AND YOU GET A FEW MERCIFUL HOURS OF SILENCE. \n\n[[EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, YOU NEED TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WITH THE BASTARD.|central]]

THANKFULLY THERE IS ENOUGH DNA INFORMATION ON THE CUPS TO PLUG INTO YOUR EVIL CLONE MACHINE.\n\nYOU LIKE MAKING EVIL CLONES OUT OF PEOPLE YOU DON'T CARE FOR.\n\nIT'S A HOBBY.\n\nTHAT'S PART OF WHY YOU INVITED THE WHELP HERE -- HE'S A REAL SACK OF SHIT, BUT HE'S GOT ENOUGH TWITTER FOLLOWERS THAT IT'D BE PRETTY FUNNY TO MAKE AN EVIL CLONE OF HIM AND JUST HAVE HIM TWEET REALLY FUCKED UP STUFF.\n\n[[ANYWAY.|luggage]]\n

THIS IS YOUR TERM OF ENDEARMENT FOR HIM. \n\nHE GETS A BIG DOPEY GRIN ON HIS FACE WHENEVER YOU CALL HIM THAT, BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE HUMPHREY BOGART.\n\n"You're looking swell, gal," HE RESPONDS, MERCIFULLY, IN HIS NORMAL VOICE AND NOT IN AN AWFUL BOGART IMPRESSION.\n\n"YA GOT THAT, RIGHT, FELLA, AND THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM."\n\n"Now, dame, don't you give me any lip."\n\n"[[I PLAN ON GIVIN' YA TWO,|THISWASREAL]]" YOU SAY. [[YOU GO IN FOR A KISS.|KISSME]]\n\n

THE WHELP IS:\n\n- SKINNY\n- [[WEARING A CLOAK|cloak]]\n- BROWN\n- [[MARRIED|married]]\n- THE WORST\n- IN L*** WITH YOU\n\n[[YOU HAVE LURED HIM BACK TO YOUR CASTLE FOR A SECOND TIME.|continue]]

YOU HOLD ONE ANOTHER IN SILENCE. HE, BECAUSE YOUR TOUCH MAKES HIM HAPPY IN A WAY HE HAS NOT FELT FOR SOME TIME. YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO ABSORB ENOUGH OF HIS DNA THROUGH SKIN FOLLICLES TO BUILD A MURDEROUS EVIL CLONE OF HIM.\n\nEVENTUALLY THE TWO OF YOU REACH THE FLIGHT DOCK FOR THE WHELP'S AIRSHIP HOME.\n\nFRUSTRATINGLY, HE REPEATS EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID TO YOU BACK AT YOUR CASTLE.\n\n"I love you, honey. I just think you're so smart and you're nerdy in all the right ways and you're goddamn beautiful beyond belief. And I couldn't have enjoyed this weekend more. I'm so glad we did this. It was -- I had, like, a few [[Perfect Moments|perfectmoments]] while I was here, I can promise you."\n\nHe begins to runs a hand through your hair, before a spark of electricity shocks him. He yelps, because he's the kind of guy who yelps.\n\n"I want to see you again. I can't wait. I hate this part. Hell is, like -- hell is constantly going to the airport to leave someone you love. I hate it. I hate the idea of having to walk away from you. It makes me get this really bad pain in my stomach."\n\n"THAT IS THE POISON I PUT IN YOUR WATER," you say.\n\n"Oh, okay. You get my basic point, though."\n\n"YES."\n\n"We should definitely do more internet dates when I get home, though. We should --"\n\n--He furrows his brow.\n\n"...Are you [[crying?|crying]]"\n\n

<<set $done_sex = "yes">>\n<<set $date = $date + 1>>\n\nYOU DO SEX WITH THE WHELP.\n\nIT'S PRETTY GOOD.\n\nHE SOUNDS LIKE A SURPRISED GHOST WHEN HE'S COMING, THOUGH.\n\n[[ANYWAY, THAT SHIT'S DONE. WHAT ELSE WILL YOU DO WITH THE WHELP?|central]]

"AH, FUCK IT," YOU SAY, AND GRAB HIM BY THE THROAT.\n\n"That tickles," HE SAYS, BECAUSE HE IS THE DUMBEST BOY IN THE WORLD.\n\nYOUR NAILS SINK INTO HIS NECK, PULSING WITH ELECTRIC POWER. HIS LEGS JIGGLE RANDOMLY AS HE IS QUICKLY VAPORIZED INTO A PUFF OF ONES AND ZEROES AND POORLY WRITTEN FART JOKES.\n\nTHE AIRDOCK'S WARLOCKS RAISE THEIR BLAST STAFFS AT YOU, DEMANDING AN EXPLANATION.\n\n"HE WAS KIND OF A DORK," YOU SAY, AND THEN THEY GO "OH, ALRIGHT," AND THEY PUT THEIR WARLOCK STAFFS DOWN BECAUSE YEAH, THAT DUDE DID LOOK LIKE A DORK PRETTY MUCH.\n\nYOU GO HOME TO YOUR CASTLE AND JERK OFF WHILE WATCHING THE BIG SLEEP.\n\n[[OR MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO TRY THE OTHER OPTION?|crying]]

YOU KISS, NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME.\n\nTHE TWO OF YOU KISS LIKE FILM STARS FROM THE 1940'S. YOU TAKE ONE ANOTHER INTO YOUR ARMS, FORCING YOUR CLOSED MOUTHS TOGETHER AND SOFTLY ENJOYING THE FEEL OF YOUR LIPS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER.\n\nTHIS IS HOW BOGIE AND BACALL KISSED IN THE BIG SLEEP.\n\nYOU WATCHED THE BIG SLEEP ON YOUR FIRST DATE.\n\nTHIS IS HOW YOU NOW KISS.\n\n"WELL THEN," YOU SAY, DRAWING AWAY FROM HIM, GRINNING SLYLY. "LET'S GET THAT LUGGAGE INSIDE, HUH?"\n\nHE LOOKS LIKE HE HAS JUST SURVIVED A VERY VERY SMALL HURRICANE. HIS HAIR IS DISHEVELED, HIS GLASSES CARTOONISHLY CROOKED.\n\n[["Yeah, let's -- that was nice. Let's get the luggage. In there. Yes."|luggage]]

"I LOVE YOU TOO," YOU SAY. HE HEARD YOU SAY IT POST-NETRUNNER, BUT NOW HIS TEARS LET HIM KNOW YOU MEAN IT. YOU'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU'RE GOING TO LET HIM SEEM COOLER THAN YOU, THOUGH.\n\n"I MEAN, NOT -- NOT A LOT." YOU SHRUG, TRYING TO CASUALLY WIPE AWAY A TEAR. "IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING. BUT I GUESS I'LL MISS YOU. OR WHATEVER."\n\nHE SMILES AND LEANS IN FOR A KISS.\n\n"I love you, Cyberwitch," HE SAYS.\n\n"I LOVE YOU TOO."\n\nYOU HOLD ONE ANOTHER. YOU KISS, RUNNING YOUR HANDS THROUGH EACH OTHER'S HAIR. HE DOESN'T RESIST YOUR KNIFEBLADE NAILS, AND YOU DON'T RESIST HIS DIRTY HANDS AS THEY CARESS YOUR METALLIC NECK.\n\nPASSENGERS IDLY WALK PAST YOU IN THE AIRDOCK, ROLLING THEIR EYES OR SMILING SOFTLY AT THE TWO OF YOU. THE TALKING SKULL TATTOO GRUMBLES TO ITSELF, BUT OTHERWISE REMAINS SILENT.\n\nHIS FLIGHT IS ABOUT TO LEAVE.\n\n[[HE'LL BE BACK SOON.|end]]\n\n

MORE LIKE MEMELANDS 2\n\n[[MORE LIKE BORDERMEMES|EVIL]]

Domain of the Cyberwitch

OTHER TERMS OF ENDEARMENT HE HAS ATTEMPTED TO MAKE STICK:\n\n- LOVELY (TOO GRAMATICALLY CONFUSING)\n \n- GAL (HARD TO MAKE SOUND COOL)\n\n- HONEY (TOO COMMON)\n\n- MA'AM (TOO WEIRD)\n\n- GIRLFRIEND (SOUNDED RACIST IN MOST CONTEXTS)\n\n[[HE'S DOING HIS BEST, THOUGH.|CONTINUE2]]\n

THE SKULL HISSES. YOU CAN FEEL YOUR ARM VIBRATE WITH HIS ANGER.\n\n"NoT AgAiN," IT SHRIEKS. "dOn'T lEt HiM sAy It AgAiN!"\n\n[[YOU IGNORE THE SKULL.|conc]]\n

HAHA NICE ONE\n\nYEAH FUCK THAT GUY\n\n[[YOU TRY TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO.|central]]

<<set $done_play = "yes">>\n<<set $date = $date + 1>>\n\nYOU WATCH SOMETHING LIKE A MOVIE BUT IRL AND WITH ACTORS AND SETS AND OLD PEOPLE WITH SEASON TICKETS.\n\nIT'S CALLED "EVIL DEAD: THE MUSICAL".\n\nIT'S REALLY BAD.\n\n"It's really weird they tried to make a campy parody of a series that's already basically campy parody. You can't be ironic and self-mocking when the --"\n\n"I HAVE KILLED MEN FOR EXPELLING FEWER SYLLABLES ON LESS INTERESTING MONOLOGUES THAN THIS," YOU BELLOW.\n\n"THE ACTUAL PROBLEM IS THAT THEY MOCKED THE LOW BUDGET NATURE OF THE FILM AND THEN FAILED TO ONE-UP THEIR OWN MOCKERY WITH LEGITIMATE SET DESIGN."\n\n"Oh. That's...yeah, that's a good point. And also th--"\n\n"THAT WAS ITS PRIMARY PROBLEM. STOP USING ME AS A SOUNDING BOARD FOR YOUR OWN VOICE."\n\n"I like talking about media with you."\n\n"I ENJOY IT AS WELL.\n\n[[LET US RETURN TO MY CASTLE."|central]]

<<set $done_card = "yes">>\n<<set $date = $date + 1>>\n\n"TEACH ME THE WAYS OF THIS RUNNING GAME."\n\n"Sure! So, it's called Netrunner, and it's basically about hackers fighting corporations."\n\n"ADORABLE."\n\nOVER THE NEXT HOUR, THE WHELP TEACHES YOU ABOUT AGENDA POINTS, AND CLICKS, AND THE DIFFERENT BETWEEN [[R&D AND HQ|NETRUNNER]].\n\nAS YOU PLAY, YOU FEEL THE NEED TO TELL HIM SOMETHING.\n\nAFTER YOU LET HIM WIN -- A KEEN STRATEGIC DECISION TO PUT HIM OFF HIS GUARD -- YOU REPEAT THE FORBIDDEN PHRASE TO HIM.\n\nTHE. FORBIDDEN. PHRASE.\n\nTHE SAME FORBIDDEN PHRASE HE TOLD YOU THE LAST TIME HE WAS HERE. THE THREE WORDS THAT ONE MUST, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER SAY IF THEY WISH TO SEEM SUPER COOL IN A RELATIONSHIP.\n\nWHY DID YOU SAY THOSE THREE WORDS TO HIM?\n\n[[BECAUSE I MEANT THEM. I REALLY DO FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT HIM.|reallove]]\n\n[[CAUSE IT'LL BE SUPER GODDAMN FUNNY WHEN I PUSH HIM INTO A CAULDRON LATER. HE'LL BE LIKE "AHHH BUT YOU SAID YOU L***D ME"|fakelove]]\n

YOU TOUCH YOUR FACE WITH A RAZOR-SHARP NAIL AND GODDAMN IT, THE WHELP IS RIGHT.\n\nWARM, PURPLE TEARS ARE FLOWING DOWN YOUR FACE, TINGLING WITH THE DIGITAL MEMORIES THEY HOLD.\n\nWHY ARE YOU CRYING?\n\n[[BECAUSE I LOVE HIM TOO|loveyoutoo]]\n\n[[BECAUSE I SPENT SO MUCH GODDAMN TIME DOING STUPID DATE SHIT WITH HIM THAT I FORGOT TO LOCK HIM INTO MY DNA HARVESTING CHAMBER AND AT THIS RATE IT'LL TAKE ME AN EXTRA MONTH JUST TO GET HIS EVIL FUCK-CLONE UP AND RUNNING AND MORE THAN THAT, WE'RE IN A PUBLIC PLACE SO I CAN'T MURDER HIM WITHOUT HAVING TO SPEND AT LEAST TWENTY MINUTES ANSWERING THE WARLOCKS' QUESTIONS|murderhim]]

THE OZONE IS A PARTICULARLY PLEASING SHADE OF GREEN, AND THE WIND IS HOWLING LOUD ENOUGH THAT YOU ARE SAVED FROM HEARING THE BLOODCURDLING SHRIEKS OF OTHER VISITORS WHO STRAYED TOO CLOSE TO THE MECHA-GOAT'S PEN.\n\nYOU BUY A BOTTLE OF BRIGHT ORANGE ANTIDOTE FROM A GRIM FARMER. AFTER SWISHING THE COLD, OILY LIQUID AROUND IN YOUR MOUTHS, YOU'RE READY TO START TASTING APPLES.\n\nYOU SPEND THE AFTERNOON PICKING RAZORAPPLES, CRUNCHING INTO THEM, FEELING THE MICROBLADES TICKLE YOUR CHEEKS BEFORE SPITTING THE MEATY FRUIT BACK OUT. ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWS. YOU TAKE A BRIEF BREAK TO BURY HIM.\n\nTHE WEATHER IS NICE, THE APPLES ARE SWEET, AND THE DAILY MORTAR ASSAULT MISSES YOU BY AT LEAST A KILOMETER.\n\n[[YOU RETURN TO YOUR CASTLE WITH SOMETHING LIKE A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.|central]]

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.\n\n[[LIKE FOR REAL YOU SAID THAT.|HEYFELLA]]\n

"That's kind of racist, but okay."\n\n"MAYBE CONSIDER NOT BEING BROWN," YOU SAY. "MAYBE SOLVE THAT PROBLEM FIRST. AND THEN WE'LL TALK ABOUT MY RACISM."\n\nMAN WHEN DID YOU BECOME SO RACIST\n\nTHAT'S FUCKED UP\n\n"Anyway, is it okay if I bring my bags up?"\n\n[["YES," YOU SAY. "BRING YOUR BAGS UP, YOU COFFEE-COLORED DEMON."|luggage]]

I MEAN\n\nOKAY\n\nI KIND OF WROTE A SHORT GAME ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THE WEEKEND WE SPENT TOGETHER BUT IF YOU WANNA, LIKE\n\nNOT PLAY IT\n\nI GUESS THAT'S COOL\n\n\n

"That's cool," HE SAYS. "We should definitely do that at some point. It sounds hot."\n\n"YOU JUST REFERRED TO YOUR DEATH BY CYBERWITCHCRAFT AS BOTH 'COOL' AND 'HOT,'" YOU SAY, POINTING AN ACCUSATORY FINGER THAT SPARKS, A BIT OF PURPLE FIRE LEAPING OUT OF YOUR NAIL AND EVAPORATING.\n\n"YOU ARE MIXING METAPHORS. STOP THIS AT ONCE."\n\n"Ah, shit, I am, aren't I? Sorry. Fuckin' [[writer|memelands2]], right? God forbid I actually, like, pay attention to the shit I say."\n\n"SEE THAT IT DOES NOT HAPPEN AGAIN." YOUR SKULL TATTOO CACKLES AND REPEATS YOUR WORDS FOR EMPHASIS: "SeE it DOeSn'T HaPpEN AGAin!"\n\n"I see the skull's doing well."\n\n"DO NOT ADDRESS THE SKULL."\n\nThe two of you stand in silence for a moment. \n\n"MAY I HELP YOU BRING YOUR BAGS INSIDE."\n\n"Oh, yeah," he says. [["That'd be great."|luggage]]

HE HAS AN ATROCIOUS MEMORY, BUT OCCASIONALLY PARTICULAR IMAGES WILL STICK OUT IN HIS MIND SOLELY BECAUSE OF HOW HAPPY THEY MADE HIM.\n\nSITTING ON THE SANDS OF CIMI ISLAND, WATCHING THE WAVES ROLL IN AT NIGHT.\n\nLYING IN BED WITH A WOMAN WHO WOULD LATER MAKE HIM TERRIBLY SAD.\n\nLAUGHING WITH HIS FRIENDS AT A FAST FOOD JOINT AFTER SCHOOL.\n\nALONE BUT NOT LONELY, SQUATTING DOWN NEAR THE SAN FRANCISCO BAY TO WRITE A REVIEW OF A VIDEOGAME.\n\nWATCHING YOU, NAKED, TAKE A DRINK OF WATER, SILHOUETTED AGAINST THE RAINY EVENING SKY.\n\nPICKING APPLES WITH YOU.\n\nHOLDING YOU CLOSE TO HIM AS YOU BOTH FALL ASLEEP.\n\n[[ANYWAY.|conc2]]

THE WHELP GAVE YOU THIS NAME UPON SEEING YOUR FASCINATION WITH COMPUTER HARDWARE, YOUR CAT, THE FACT THAT YOU LIVE IN A CASTLE, AND THE FACT THAT YOU DRINK ALL OF YOUR LIQUIDS OUT OF A NOVELTY PLASTIC CUP WITH THE WORD "POISON" WRITTEN ON IT IN CURSIVE LETTERS.\n\nYOU GOT IT DURING A POST-CYBERWEEN SALE AT MECHATARGET.\n\n[[YOU ENJOY THE NICKNAME, EVEN IF THE MAN WHO GAVE IT TO YOU SMELLS OF OLD HAM.|continue]]\n

"YeAh MaN," IT SAYS. "YeAh MaN yEaH mAn YeAh MaAaAaAaAn"\n\nYOUR ARM ITCHES LIKE A BASTARD WHEN HE DOES THIS. \n\n[[YOU TRIED TO SCRATCH ONCE, AND YOU NEARLY LOST A FINGER.|continue]]\n\n\n

"Aw," HE SAYS, SMILING EVEN BIGGER AND LOOKING LIKE EVEN MORE OF A TURD. "I'm really happy to see you too! I missed you!"\n\nHE LOOKS AT YOU, STUPID TURD GRIN STILL ON HIS FACE.\n\n"Can I kiss you?"\n\n[["YES, KISS THE CYBERWITCH AT ONCE"|KISSME]]\n\n[["NO, THE CYBERWITCH HAS NO DESIRE TO TASTE YOUR ACCURSED BROWN FLESH, FLESH THAT BEARS THE MARK OF THE BETRAYER, FLESH THAT SMACKS OF ARROGANCE AND A DISTINCT LACK OF TALENT"|NOKISSES]]

WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH THE WHELP?\n\n<<if $done_movie eq "yes">>YOU WATCHED A MOVIE WITH THE WHELP.<<else>>[[WATCH A MOVIE?|MOVIE]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done_apple eq "yes">>YOU PICKED APPLES.<<else>>[[PICK APPLES?|APPLE]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done_card eq "yes">>YOU SUCCESSFULLY FINISHED A GAME OF NETRUNNER.<<else>>[[PLAY A GAME?|CARDGAME]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done_play eq "yes">>YOU WATCHED AN ATROCIOUS MUSICAL.<<else>>[[GO TO A PLAY?|PLAY]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done_sex eq "yes">>YOU DID SEX.<<else>>[[DO SEX?|SEX]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done_sex eq "yes">><<if $done_play eq "yes">><<if $done_card eq "yes">><<if $done_apple eq "yes">><<if $done_movie eq "yes">>THE SKULL ON YOUR ARM BEGINS TO SHIVER. YOU HAVE COMPLETED ALL OF THE TASKS YOU PLANNED FOR YOUR WEEKEND DATE WITH THE WHELP.\n\nTHIS MEANS THAT SOON, HE AND HIS CLOAK AND HIS BEARD AND HIS STUPID VOICE AND HIS BIG HAIR WILL RETURN BACK TO HIS HOMELAND.\n\nYOU ARE SURPRISED TO FIND THAT THIS MAKES YOU SOMEWHAT [[SAD|conc]].<<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>\n\n\n

YOUR SKULL TATTOO YAWNS AS YOU CAST A DIGITAL LEVITATION INCANTATION. THE WHELP'S BAGS HOVER OFF THE GROUND, FOLLOWING YOU BOTH UP THE HUNDREDS OF STEPS THAT SCALE THE INSIDE OF YOUR STEEL CASTLE.\n\nTHE WALLS ARE ADORNED WITH ARTWORK FROM ALL ACROSS THE GALAXY: PORTRAITS OF VINCENT PRICE, IMAGES OF YOURSELF AS A CEPHALOPOD SWIMSUIT MODEL, PORTRAITS OF VINCENT PRICE.\n\nWERE THE WHELP TO TOUCH ANY OF THESE PIECES, A SERIES OF AUTO-CROSSBOWS WOULD FOLD OUT FROM THE WALLS AND IMPALE HIM A DOZEN TIMES OVER BEFORE HE COULD EVEN GET [["VINCENT PRICE AS THE EGGMAN"|YOULIKEVINCENTPRICE]] OUT OF ITS FRAME.\n\nEVENTUALLY, THE TWO OF YOU REACH YOUR BEDROOM. THE ROOM IS OCTAGONAL IN SHAPE, SEEING AS IT FILLS A TURRET AT THE TOP OF YOUR CASTLE. FROM HERE, YOU CAN SURVEY MAD CITY IN PEACE. YOU CAN WATCH ITS GREENERY GROW AND DIE. YOU CAN LOOK DOWN YOUR NOSE AT THE COLLEGE BOYS WHO LITTER THE NEON STREETS WITH THEIR [[RED PLASTIC CUPS|DNACLONES]].\n\nIT IS HOME. AND IT IS WHERE THE WHELP WILL STAY THIS WEEKEND, UNTIL HE HEADS BACK TO HIS HOME STATE.\n\n"LOOK HERE," YOU SAY. THE METAL BRACELET AROUND YOUR RIGHT ARM BEGINS SPINNING, AND THE RED LIGHTNING LEAPS ALL THE WAY UP TO YOUR FACE, WHERE IT CRASHES AGAINST YOUR TEETH AND STAYS THERE, RUNNING BACK AND FORTH ALONG YOUR INCISORS, TINGLING YOUR GUMS AND LIGHTING THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH.\n\n"YOU WILL REMAIN HERE FOR THE WEEKEND. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER. I WILL RECOMMEND SEVERAL ACTIVITIES WE CAN EMBARK UPON TO ENTERTAIN OURSELVES, AND YOU WILL ACCEPT THESE RECOMMENDATIONS WITHOUT COMPLAINT. IS THIS CLEAR?"\n\nON "CLEAR," THE RED LIGHTNING SHOOTS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND HITS HIM SQUARE IN THE CHEST.\n\n"Ooh. That felt kinda neat. But, yeah. Sounds -- sounds good. What did you have in mind?"\n\n"THERE ARE MANY OPTIONS. WE WILL EVENTUALLY DO THEM ALL. WE CAN:\n\n- [[WATCH A MOVIE|MOVIE]]\n\n- [[GO SEE A PLAY|PLAY]]\n\n- [[GO APPLE PICKING|APPLE]]\n\n- [[PLAY A GAME|CARDGAME]]\n\n- [[DO SEX|SEX]]"

HE MAKES A NOISE LIKE A CONTENTED PUPPY, EXCEPT SOMEHOW NOT AT ALL CUTE. YOU TIGHTEN YOUR GRIP AROUND HIM, AND THOUGH YOUR NAILS TEAR HIS CLOAK AT THE SHOULDER, HE STILL RESTS HIS HEAD ON YOU. HE SEEMS HAPPY.\n\nEVENTUALLY, THE MOVIE FINISHES. AFTER A BRIEF CONVERSATION ABOUT PRO-CONFEDERACY FILMS AND THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT, [[YOU FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO.|central]]

YOU REALLY LIKE VINCENT PRICE.\n\n[[A LOT.|luggage]]\n

YOU ARE THE [[CYBERWITCH|cyberwitch]].\n\nYOUR BROWN HAIR SLITHERS DOWN TO YOUR SHOULDERS, CRACKLING WITH ELECTRICITY AND [[GOODSMELLINGNESS|it's a word]]. THE METAL BRACELET HIGH ON YOUR RIGHT ARM THRUMS WITH ANCIENT AND ARCANE ENERGIES, ARCS OF RED LIGHTNING SKIPPING UP AND DOWN YOUR PALE, FRECKLED SKIN.\n\nSINCE IT'S ALMOST NOON, THE TALKING SKULL TATTOO ON YOUR RIGHT ARM IS CACKLING [[MANIACALLY|YEAH MAN]].\n\nTHE [[WHELP'S|WHELP]] FLYING MACHINE LANDED A HALF-HOUR AGO. HIS SPINDLY, HUNCHED FORM SHOULD REACH YOUR DOORSTEP ANY MINUTE.\n\nTHE LAST TIME HE WAS HERE, HE MADE [[AN IDIOTIC MISTAKE|LOVEYOU]] -- ONE THAT, IN YOUR LIMITED CAPACITY FOR MERCY, YOU CHOSE TO FORGIVE.\n\nYOU WILL NOT SUFFER SUCH A MISTAKE AGAIN.\nYOUR FAMILIAR, A FELINE NAMED LUCCA, MROWS AT YOU. SHE IS VIBRATING, WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING: HE'S SENT YOU A DIGIMESSAGE.\n\n[[HE IS DOWNSTAIRS. WAITING.|CONTINUE2]]\n

Anthony Burch

SWEET. BUT FOOLISH.\n\n[[YOU TRY TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO.|central]]