You wake up in a severe hang over state at 8:45am. The bills have been piling up, you haven't bathed in days, and currently have no clean clothes.
You are not in a good state.
Do you hurry to [[catch your 9am class]]
Try to [[clean up your house]], after all you do remember hearing someone tell you that to clean your house is to clean your soul. Why bore yourself with Film studies when you can help out yourself now?
Neither, [[huddle under your stained bed sheets and hope for the day to end]]You decide that if you can't go to class, you can at least tidy up the place
You start with the mountain that is your dishes. After washing the first few dishes from your frozen pizza last night, you mind starts to nag at you.
The usual thoughts: you're a slob, a supposed college senior who in reality is no more grown up than we you left mom's place for University. This makes you feel bad.
You see that you have a little over a gram of weed left. You know you need to at least finish the dishes, but you also know that you can gain that temporary relief from life if you just take a few hits
[[Bring out the bong. You aren't in any shape to do the dishes|Smoke it]]You decide that you just can't deal with life right now, as is typically usual. You lay in your bed motionless. The thought of getting up makes you want to vomit, but you also realize how shitty you feel for not going to your class.
You need to get food and water in your system, as the last time you ate was at 9pm when you cooked a frozen sausage pizza.
However, you also see that you have a little over a gram of weed left. [[Smoke it]] and forget about your hunger or [[make the trek to Coffee Zone for a nice cappucinno]]You have to end up running across campus, and all you can think about is how you look like one of those weird kids who always runs to class. No matter, you need to get going.
You ended up showing 10 minutes late, but at least you made it. You go into the classroom and see that no one is there.
A bulletin is posted on the door: Class cancelled today. Read pgs 231-250 on the use of color coding in film, and write a 500 word response due on Canvas tonight.
[[get a head start, keep this rolling]] or [[get Bread Co to celebrate not having to go to class]]Fuck it, you feel terrible and getting high, while not making you feel better about yourself, will at least provide comfort in the small run.
You [[hit the bong multiple times. As expected, you are blazed]]After feeling good for going to class, you figure you could also get a head start on this homework assignment
You decide to pop that Adderall that your friend gave you a while back, and get to reading
After learnig about all the different uses of color in film, you feel exhausted, but good at the same time. You've actually done something today and you feel good.
To celebrate, you decide that you'll actually go to Bread Co. [[you have some sense of self control]]A cause for celebration, no class!
You grab your usual go to: a cinnamon crunch bagel with a large coffee.
You experience bliss for just a few seconds but then [[you see someone walk through the door|it's Emily]]You decide that you need to pamper yourself a bit to feel better, so you are willing to walk the half mile to Coffee Zone
While sitting at the table, aimlessly stirring sugar in your drink, [[someone walks through the door|it's Emily]]For the first 30 minutes you feel amazing. You feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you can finally just relax
But your brain is a nagger, and is always trying to ruin a good time
Your mind starts wandering and you start thinking about your life and relationships.
"I will be forever alone" crosses your mind quite a bit, as you scroll through countless reddit streams searching for something, anything, to catch your interest.
[[Your phone pings. A Text message!]]You get super excited. Somehow, God was listening, and maybe, just maybe, it's Emily. God damn, you just really want it to be her
You haven't talked in months after the rough break up, but you still hold up hope that she'll realize where she went wrong.
But it's not Emily, it's just a game notification for Balloon Tower Defense. Your sniper has just been upgraded.
[[Slowly the feeling sinks in that no one cares about you]]Fuck...
You feel this too much. The weight of all your anxieties is crushing you right now.
You need to do something, anything, if you want to ward off these feelings
[[get out of your house and start walking. You'll find something to do]]You choke on a piece of bagel and end up coughing really loudly.
She sees you and slowly starts approaching you.
Your heart starts pounding and mind racing
Did you take a shower? How do I smell? Is my hair alright? Are my clothes somewhat clean?
[[She smiles as she gets to your table]]You walk out of your front door, lock it, and walk towards downtown
You have no idea where you're walking or why you're walking but you just need to feel fresh air in your face
You've been inside almost all week. The sun, while blinding, is still somewhat welcoming
You pass by Bread Co and decide to walk in for a quick bite to eat
As your munching down on your food, [[someone walks through the door|it's Emily]]"Hey, how have you been?!" she exclaims as she hugs you. You don't know how to take this.
Did time just make her forget that she hated you? Has she simply moved on? Or is she just playing some cruel trick on you, and really doesn't give a shit about you.
You choke up a measly "Good, how about you?" and she goes into a 5 minute dialogue about the things going on in her life. You never even knew that she was on the club volleyball team. Shows you how shitty you are at not knowing people
As you fake about how well your life is going, you can tell that she just wants to get her food
But the thought of her leaving makes you feel terrible. As if you have been given a chance by the Gods and are absolutely ruining it.
[["Hey so are you here with anyone? Want to sit down and just talk??"]]To your suprise, she says yes and decides to sit down with you.
Mental Scoreboard reads You up 1, Life 99
Still down, but at least you have some momentum. Some hope, at least.
Although a little awkward at first, the conversation soon starts to liven up and you feel as if you were still dating her.
You start thinking to yourself about how much you fucked up with her. How much you could've done differently
After an hour of lively chatting, she says she has to go.
You don't want her to leave.
[[Profess your feelings of love you still have for her]] or
[[Mention that you'll be going out tonight to Willie's and hopefully she will also be going out]]You end up stuttering and choking up, not able to communicate one bit. She gets worried, and sits down again.
You spill the beans on literally everything: Your life being an absolute, pathetic mess.
You haven't gone out at all since the break up
You just miss her
[[She's in shock]]As she gets up to leave, you casually mention that you'll be going out to Willie's tonight, hoping that she says she'll be going out to. You know it's her favorite bar
"Oh really?! Cool. I was planning on going out tonight with friends, I'll text you if I'm around there."
[[Finally, some sign that life is going your way]]So you just spilled everything, and now the moment of truth: waiting on her response
She mentions how much the break up has also affected her, and how she has also felt lonely at times. She really wants to work things out, but she doesn't know if she's ready yet.
[[Your heart sinks. You fucked up again]]Maybe there is hope for you tonight.
You still have to do laundry and clean yourself up, but finally, FINALLY, you are able to feel somewhat good about yourself. Also, though, you still feel uneasy. You haven't been out in awhile. You still need to work on yourself, you know, but at least life has given you a break.You just stare aimlessly at her, hoping to bring back the tears that are starting to well up in your eyes
You quickly take a napkin, and wipe them away. She can tell you're in pain.
She was always a nice person and hates seeing you like this
[["Hey I'm going out with some of my friends later tonight. Perhaps if you're also out tonight, we can meetup?"]]That went from 0-100 real quick
Finally, finally, you have something to hope for.
[[Life might actually be getting better|Finally, some sign that life is going your way]]Feeling content with your decisions, you go to Bread Co and order your usual meal: a cinnamon crunch bagel with a Large Coffee.
Then, [[someone walks through the door|it's Emily]]