(put: (prompt: "Welcome to The Disorder. Choose a first name for your character.") into $player)
"Hello, $player," says your ship's robotic voice, vaguely modeled after a movie star from twenty years ago who you've never recognized. "Where would you like to go?"
She sounds soothing, albeit a little flat. But she's familiar to you, like a sister.
(click: "like a sister.")[You've been floating aimlessly through the expanse since you took off from the last dimension you visited. It was a lot like Earth, except everyone had two heads.]
(click: "two heads.")[Eye contact was a pain, but they probably thought the same of you.
It's been a long time since you've been in your home dimension. What do you tell your ship?
[["Home, please. Earth, version 254, the usual."->1.2]]]You wake up wrapped in soft sheets, the filtered light from the window gently warming your face. You shield your eyes from the light and wonder how long you’ve been asleep.
(click: "wonder how long you’ve been asleep.")[A gnawing voice in the back of your head signals that all isn’t well, and you chalk it up to how you feel after nightmares – you must have had one, but you can’t quite remember. It doesn't matter, though. You nestle into the pillow, focused only on the softness...]
(click: "focused only on the softness...")[Your eyes drift lazily open...]
(click: "Your eyes drift lazily open...")[And you see the metallic walls with their looming, shimmering holograms. A hollowness pervades your belly. The sheets are suddenly cold. You reach up to touch your forehead, which is still [[swathed in gauze.-> chapter2.2]]]Your bare feet collide with the cool metal floor. Yesterday rushes back.
Your throat tightens, and it takes all your energy not to collapse back into the foreign bed. Instead, you fall to your knees, desperately running your palms along the ground to ascertain that it’s real. It doesn’t feel like any metal you’ve ever known. Despite how long you hold your hand to the surface, it never grows warmer.
A cold sweat overtakes your (set: $body to "neck")<mark><tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["neck", "shoulders", "spine", "belly"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$body");'>$body</tw-link></mark>. You cradle your head in your hands, fending off a rush of nausea.
[[Breathe. You can handle this.->choice2.2.1]]
[[You definitely cannot handle this.->choice2.2.2]]
You've been travelling through various realities and dimensions for years, ever since the travel program was instituted in 2148.
(click: "ever since the travel program was instituted in 2148.")[You can only go to the dimensions on the government approved map, or else your ship gives you a big flashing error. You would know - you've tried.]
(click: "You would know - you've tried.")[It makes sense. Not all realities have invented this kind of travel yet, and the government only wants you interacting with worlds that know you exist.]
(click: "that know you exist.")[What do you think about that?
[[It's pretty cool seeing all the different worlds in the cracks of time and space.->1.3]]
[[Eh, I'm unsatisfied. I wish I could go anywhere, with no boundaries.->1.3]]]But you've been exploring all day, and it's time to go home now. You have work in the morning.
Your ship emits a few beeps, reconfiguring autopilot for home. You sit back, watching the stars swirl past you...
(click: "swirl past you...")[Until suddenly, your ship begins to rattle and shake.
A piercing noise erupts from overhead, red lights flashing. You've never seen this before.
[[Try contacting someone.->1.3.1]]
[[Fix it with what you know.->1.3.2]]]Shaking a little with shock, you scramble for the buttons on your headset. You punch in the emergency center. You struggle to concentrate over the alarms.
(click: "over the alarms.")[You hear a ring, and your chest swells, relieved. You're going to be fine.]
(click: "You're going to be fine.")[When that ring turns to static.]
(click: "static.")[And then to silence.]
(click: "silence.")[[[You feel your ship take a nosedive.->1.4]]]You've had this ship for so long, you can definitely fix this. Steeling yourself against the alarms, you wrack your brain...
(click:"your brain...")[You remember the manual piloting system you read about in the instructions!]
(click:"instructions!")[You press the appropriate buttons to access the steering control.]
(click:"control.")[You hear a whirring sound and you sigh, relieved. You'll be fine.]
(click: "You'll be fine.")[Until nothing happens.
An error message gleams across the display: (color:red)[Manual Drive Unresponsive.]]
(click: "Unresponsive.")[[[You feel your ship take a nosedive.->1.4]]]The year is 2163.
Decades after achieving interplanetary travel, the U.S. scientific community discovered an infinite number of parallel dimensions, filled with infinite timelines, species, and variants on what we understand to be “human beings.” Explorations were launched to understand and document these other worlds, much like efforts to document extraterrestrial life.
(click-replace: "Decades after achieving interplanetary travel, the U.S. scientific community discovered an infinite number of parallel dimensions, filled with infinite timelines, species, and variants on what we understand to be “human beings.” Explorations were launched to understand and document these other worlds, much like efforts to document extraterrestrial life.")[Think of these infinite dimensions like infinite planets, except tucked into the folds of time instead of space. In some of them, you may encounter people who look just like you save for an extra eye on the tip of their nose. In others, there may even be exact [[doppelgangers->doppelgangers]] of you, living out a present that could have been in your dimension but never happened.]
(click-append: "living out a present that could have been in your dimension but never happened.")[[[ But what does this have to do with you?->INTRO PII]]]A few of these universes are on a citizen-friendly travel list. Online ads feature space-time-fabric jumping ships pre-programmed with these destinations. Deviation from accepted destinations is not only illegal, but [[it is impossible to drive a ship off of its preprogrammed pathways.->INTRO PIII]]You are one such traveler.
You are (set: $age to "19")<mark><tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["19", "23", "35", "47"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$age");'>$age</tw-link></mark> years old.
You work a day job as a (set: $job to "writer")<mark><tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["writer", "programmer", "mechanic", "sales clerk"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$job");'>$job</tw-link></mark>, but you travel because you crave knowledge(click-replace: "knowledge")[discovery] (click-replace: "discovery")[distraction] (click-replace: "distraction")[fun].
You are on your way to a familiar destination, floating through the starry highways of space and time.
You have almost arrived.
[[Welcome to THE DISORDER.->Title Page]]THE DISORDER
written by Rachel Zilberg
[[TUTORIAL->Tutorial]]
[[PLAY->Chapter 1.1]](colour: green)[++ self efficacy]
You tell yourself that you’ll never figure out this mess if you don’t keep a cool head. At least you weren’t injured beyond repair in the crash, and at least you have your mind about you. You take a few deep breaths, and [[your heartrate steadily returns to a reasonable pace.->2.3]](colour: red)[-- coping]
You let out a strangled cry, then clamp your hands over your mouth – you idiot, what if that strange man hears you and thinks you’re a lunatic?
Thoughts careen through your head of how you'll have to make do here forever, you might never see your family again, you've never heard of people getting stuck off-map. You bite back tears. Your heart seems to shudder through your entire body, loud in your ears. [[Your head throbs. All this stress can't be good for your concussion.->2.3]]You run over the pieces of a plan. Today, you will find a way home. You will find where you crashed your ship. You will do repairs, or find someone who knows how. You will get home, and this nightmare will be over.
You wonder what your family must be thinking, if you’re going to be fired at work for disappearing, whether this has ever happened before, and why you’ve never heard of travelers not coming back. You have trouble keeping focused on one train of thought for very long.
You hear the stranger's voice from another room.
(colour: orange)["$player, are you awake? I made breakfast!"]
[[Well, you suppose you should go have some breakfast.->2.4]]You drag yourself across the room, expecting a door on the other side. But once you get there, all you see is a smooth wall made of that same not-metal.
No door. No cracks. You run your hands along that dreadful cold again, to no avail.
[[You shouldn’t have trusted that alien man, Calix. He’s trapped you in a cage, and he’s toying with you; you had no reason to think this species would be reasonable!->2.5]]
[[Doors exist in this world, right? You saw doors yesterday in the hospital. Did you?->2.5]]You are startled out of your panic by a sudden beeping sound.
The wall disappears around you, leaving you face to face with a shockingly normal kitchen. Calix stands before you in an apron. Steam rises from what looks like a pan on the stove.
[[Good, breakfast. Something familiar.->2.6]](colour: orange)[“There you are!”] he says. (colour: orange)[“Come on, sit down. I thought you’d never wake up. You need food to get your strength back.”]
He motions to a couple seats hovering a few inches off the ground. They look unstable.
[["Um, good morning. Thanks for cooking."->2.6.1]]
[["Why the hell isn’t there a door in my room? Are you keeping me prisoner?"->2.6.2]]
(color: orange)[“Yeah, of course. What else would I do, hold you prisoner and starve you to death?”]
You stare at him open-mouthed.
He tilts his head to the side and gazes at you incredulously. (colour: orange)[“That was a joke. I guess maybe dark jokes aren’t the best first thing in the morning, huh?”]
[[You laugh nervously.->2.7]]
The man’s eyes go wide, and he nearly drops the plate he’s carrying to you. (colour: orange)[“Whoa, the doctor said you had a concussion… do concussed people act paranoid?”]
He pauses for a moment, then says, (colour: orange)["That was insensitive. I'm sorry. I guess you caught me off guard... you're probably smart to worry about a stranger who invited you into his home. Kinda like how I'm still not entirely sure about you."]
[[He tries to mask the confession with a friendly smile.->2.7]]You sit down gingerly, and Calix places food in front of you. You look down at the plate, and find slimy purple goo. Steam rises from the goo. There is no fork.
Your chair begins shaking, nearly throwing you onto the floor. You shriek in surprise, fighting to keep your balance.
(colour: orange)[“Great, huh? Those are all the rage now. They’re supposed to help with digestion. A healthy body keeps a healthy mind, and all that.”]
You nod weakly. “They’re very nice.”
A thin, pink tube extends from between Calix’s lips, sucking up the goo. He stops and swallows. “Not hungry?”
Not wanting to disappoint him, you lower your face to the plate and lap up the goo with your tongue. You find it disgusting, and try very hard not to display your reaction on your face. Soon, goo coats your lips and the tip of your nose. It’s sticky and smells like burnt rubber.
He frowns. (colour: orange)[“Why are you eating like that?”]
“Well…” you begin to respond.
[["I’m actually a human from Earth. We eat differently."->2.7.1]]
[["Why are you eating like that?"->2.7.2]]
(colour: orange)[“Huh. That’s really interesting.”] He inhales another tubeful of goo.
You let out a breath you'd been holding, and tension evaporates from your body. You give him a big, grateful smile. Unlike the doctors yesterday, you can talk to this man.
“I’m actually really frightened,” you confess. “I miss home, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get back--"
(colour: orange)[“So you’re a creative type."]
“Excuse me?” you ask, not following.
(colour: orange)[“Humans are like those creatures from the conspiracy theories, right? I knew some people who believed in humans. I guess it would make sense that we’re not the only life out there. But all the stuff about pockets in time-space seems a little out there.”] He pauses, and then says more slowly, (colour: orange)[“Wait, are you pretending you’re a human, or do you think you really are one?”]
[[Persist.->2.7.1.2]]
[[Leave it alone.->2.8]]
“You’re scaring me a little,” you tell him honestly.
(colour: orange)[“What do you mean? I’m just eating.” He shifts in his seat uncomfortably.]
"I'm just saying, it looks a little strange. Do you have a fork?" you ask.
(colour: orange)[“A fork? What the heck is that? Can you just eat like a normal person? You’re getting food all over your face."]
You fall silent, wiping your mouth on your arm.
[[He doesn’t talk to you for the rest of breakfast.->2.8]]After breakfast, Calix drives you back to the hosptial for your therapy appointment. You look out the window as you go, and the people are all just as silent as yesterday. Even families aren't speaking with each other. Yet most everyone is smiling, so it doesn't look like they are upset.
[[You ponder this until you go inside.->2.9]]“I’m serious,” you persist, your voice wavering. “I’m not from here. Nobody at the hospital believed me, but I need you to. I hurt my head because my ship crashed… I’m going to go look for it today.”
(colour: orange)[“Ah. Your ship! Is that what you call your auto? That’s pretty cool. Alright, my new ‘human’ friend.” He winks. “I bet if you were in an accident, the police took your vehicle. I can give you directions to the station.”]
You nod, suddenly disinterested in maintaining conversation. Calix prattles on about how fascinating he finds the concept of humans, and whether or not they probably exist.
Despite his excited speech, he appears worried. [[Your heart sinks.->2.8]]The therapist's office slides open, revealing an older woman in a chair behind a desk. An armchair sits empty in front of her. You take a seat.
(colour: red+white)["Good moring, $player. How are you?]
[["Fine, thank you."->2.9.1]]
[["Not good. I don't understand where I am."->2.9.2]]
(set: $honesty to 0)(colour: red+white)["That's good to hear."]
You don't find her smile particularly reassuring. She stares at you, as if trying to stare into you, her face reminding you of the doctor in the hospital. You avoid that awful stare by looking away.
You glance up at the walls, which are covered in diplomas and certificates.
[[She nods in your direction and scriblles a few notes on a clipboard.->2.10]]"I'm scared and upset. I don't know where I am. I want to go home."
(colour: red+white)["Didn't the hospital explain? This is the office for psychiatric evaluation."]
"I know. I mean, I don't know where I am in general."
The therapist nods and scribbles a few notes in her notepad. She then looks up at you and stares intently, as if trying to stare through you. Her gaze reminds you of the doctor from the hospital. You smile back at her, hoping she says something soon.
She eventually breaks the silence. (colour: red+white)["One can feel feelings of disorientation following an accident. Do you suffer any other memory loss?"]
"I don't think so."
(color: red+white)["What about flashbacks to the accident? A sense of being in a different world than everyone else?"]
"No the first one, yes to the second one."
[[She nods.->2.10]](colour: red+white)["So, $player, the hospital reccommended you come see me. Can you tell me what happened?"]
[[Tell the truth.->2.10.1]]
[[Leave out some details.->2.10.2]]"Well, I was traveling through dimensions like usual, when something went wrong with my ship. I crashed here. A stranger named Calix found me and took me to the hospital. The doctor said I have a concussion, but I think he thought I was crazy..."
(colour: red+white)["Crazy, how so?"]
"Like... he didn't believe me."
(colour: red+white)["You said you were traveling through dimensions. Can you tell me more about that?"]
"I was just going along the governmentally approved map, I swear. Nothing off-road. I couldn't if I tried, anyway. [[The ship just went haywire."->2.11]]
(set:$honesty to ($honesty + 1))You fold your hands in your lap. "I was in an accident. They say I have a concussion."
(colour: red+white)["What kind of accident?"]
"Just a regular accident. [[I don't remember everything."->2.11]](colour: red+white)["Alright, I'd like to ask you some questions. Remember, anything you tell me stays in this room, unless you are a threat to yourself or someone else."]
"Okay."
Instead of asking another question, she stares into your eyes, a look of deep concentration on her face. Her smile reminds you of the silent people you saw everywhere else.
You sit like that for a few moments. The look on her face reminds you of how one would look at an injured child, with both pity and horror. Her expression quickly fades back to neutral. She makes another note, and speaks again.
(colour: red+white)["How long have you been experiencing difficulty with your internal receptor?"]
[["My what?"->2.12]]She speaks slowly. (colour: red+white)["Perhaps not all parents teach the technical term. You know, when I reach out with my mind, and you accept my words with your mind?"]
You scrunch your face, not sure what to do. She looks at you expectantly.
[["I do not have one of those."->2.12.1]]
[["Right, my internal receptor. I think it's the concussion."->2.12.2]](colour: red+white)["Tell me more."]
"That's just it," you respond. "I don't have one. I don't know what you mean by reaching out with your mind. I don't know how to accept it into my mind. I don't know what that means."
(colour: red+white)["How long have you... not had one?]
[["I've never had one."->2.13]]
(set:$honesty to ($honesty + 1))She nods again, an expression of sadness crossing her features.(colour: red+white)["I've heard of this happening in concussed patients before, though it shouldn't last long. Are you having any other major symptoms?"]
"I had a headache yesterday. I feel much better now."
(colour: red+white)["I see. Any light sensitivity?"]
"No, none."
(colour: red+white)["The doctor noted that you only had a mild concussion, which shouldn't offset the internal receptor."]
[["I guess I'm a special case."->2.13]](colour: red+white)["The accident must have been very stressful. Tell me, how are you doing emotionally?"]
[[Tell the truth.->2.13.1]]
[[Lie.->2.13.2]]"Not good. I've been terrified, I miss my family, nothing feels familiar, and I don't know what to do."
(colour: red+white)["I'm not surprised. You've been through a horrible trauma."]
"Yes. I just want to see my world again."
(colour: red+white)["Your world?"]
"My dimension, I guess you'd say. [[The place I was born."->2.14]]
(set: $honesty to ($honesty +1))"Fine, I guess. My friend Calix has been taking care of me."
(colour: red+white)["Were you frightened after the accident?"]
"Maybe a little. [[But that's normal, right?"->2.14]]The therapist sets down her notes. (colour: red+white)["I'm glad you came to see me, $player. I have some next steps for you, if that's alright."]
"Sure."(color:red+white)[
(if:$honesty is 2)["I'd like to prescribe you something for the depression, and an antipsychotic. This may be difficult to hear, but I believe you are suffering from delusions. I'd also like to try some breathing exercises."]
(if:$honesty is 1)["You are exhibiting some signs of depression, and I'd like for you to try a medication. There are also some breathing exercises I think you'd find helpful."]
(if:$honesty is 0)["You don't seem ready to open up today, but I think you should come back tomorrow. Remember, I am not here to judge you, only to help you. For now, I'd like to try an anti-depressant. I would also like to guide you through some breathing exercises."]]
You blink a few times, unsure how to process this sudden diagnosis. Before you can ask any questions, the therapist begins leading you through a breathing exercise.
You breathe together for a few moments, [[which she tells you to repeat whenever you feel worried.->2.15]]Universes with doppelgangers are illegal to travel to, lest you upset their timeline along with your own. If doppelgangers are found in any approved travel destination, the route is immediately shut down and all travellers are evacuated, sometimes by force.
[[Back->INTRO]] Crash.(click-replace:"Crash")[Scream](click-replace:"Scream")[Silence](click-replace:"Silence")[[[More Silence->1.5]]]You open your eyes, finding yourself face to face with a woman.
(click-append: "woman.")[
You register from her lab coat and stethoscope that this woman is a doctor. Panicking a little, you scrutinize her features. She looks like a regular human.]
(click-append: "regular human.")[
Maybe you crashed right back where you started. You crane your neck to survey the room, which looks like a regular hospital room.]
(click-append: "regular hospital room.")[
The doctor stares at you intently, looking concerned, but saying nothing. Maybe you should ask a question.
[["Where am I?"->1.5.1]]
[["What happened?"->1.5.1]]]The doctor continues staring at you silently. Her eyes bore into yours, and her face grows uncomfortably close.
"Did you hear me?" you ask. [["Is there something wrong?"->1.6]]Double-click this passage to edit it.Finally, after what seems like minutes, the doctor opens her mouth and speaks.
(color: gray)["You're lucky your friend brought you in."]
Now it's your turn to stare silently.
She continues, (color: gray)["We'll have to keep an eye on your head injury. It seems... serious."]
You realize your throat is painfully dry. You manage to croak out another question.
[["What friend?"->1.6.1]]
[["What head injury?"->1.6.1]]Instead of answering you, the doctor abruptly turns on her heel and exits the room. You hear her clicking footsteps fade down the hall, until you hear nothing at all. After a moment, you catch the sound of her voice, followed by that of someone else.
The voices rise and fall, starting and stopping, interspersed with long silences. You cannot make out their words.
You gingerly sit up, the machines next to you beeping wildly as you do so. You look down and see an IV in your left arm, pumping clear liquid into your veins.
You touch your head, and feel a thick layer of gauze. Your head feels tender, and your touch sends a throbbing headache through your forehead. You squeeze your eyes shut for a moment before surveying the rest of the room.
You see...
[[Some posters.->Posters]]
[[A clipboard.->Clipboard]]
[[A brochure.->Brochure]]
[[Done->1.7]]Double-click this passage to edit it.In...
(click-replace:"In...")[Out...]
(click-replace:"Out...")[Focus on your diaphragm...]
(click-replace:"Focus on your diaphragm...")[Remember that you are safe...]
(click-replace:"Remember that you are safe...")[Remember that you are healthy...]
(click-replace:"Remember that you are healthy...")[Repeat.
[[This isn't helping.->2.16]]]As you listen to the therapist guide you through the breathing exercise, you can't help but think you aren't really safe. You are in a foreign place with no way of getting home. And with your head injury, you are not particularly healthy, either. On top of this, you've just been told you aren't psychologically sound.
You aren't sure if you agree with the latter, but she's a professional, and maybe something awful did happen to your head when you crashed.
[[You wait until she hands you the prescription.->2.17]]You keep your head down as you walk to the pharmacy. You're getting sick of looking into all those silent faces. You realize now they're communicating with each other like that. They might even be communicating things about you, or to you. [[This makes you nervous.->2.18]]While thinking about how nervous you are, you collide with a stranger.Throughout this game, you will make choices that determine your fate. Click the links within text to explore the world and make choices.
[[Back->Title Page]] The posters display happy patients with a mannequin-like demeanor, much like posters you're used to seeing in hospitals. One of them reads, 'Check your internal receptor today!'
You have no idea what that means.
[[Back.->1.6.1]]The doctor left her clipboard on the countertop. Moving your IV machine with you, you gingerly step out of bed and inch toward it. You keep your ears peeled in case she comes back. You figure you can say you were going to find the bathroom.
You peer at the messy handwriting on the clipboard, and read two notes. One says 'possible concussion,' and the other says, 'psychiatric evaluation needed.'
You hastily climb back into the bed.
[[Back.->1.6.1]]You spot a brightly colored brochure propped up on the counter. From afar, you see smiling faces with eyes closed. The cover reads, 'AGTS Medical Center.'
You have no idea what those letters stand for. You've never heard of this medical center.
[[Back.->1.6.1]][[placeholder. skip ahead.->2.1]]