Crate Of Duty

<a href="http://www.oldmanmurray.com/features/39.html">Since the late 90s, when Old man murray was still a thing that updated...</a> Mankind has sought to learn the ways of deeming a game either good or poor. But the wisdom, the pure objectivity of the fabled Start To Crate system has taught us this simple maxim: The Longer it takes for a crate or a barrel to first be seen...the BETTER the game is. You have been tasked to be a humble crate. You've gained agency and abilities for movement. Because of this, YOU now hold in your hands the ability to either damn a game to metacritic oblivion, or to herald it as the latest classic in Gaming History(TM). [[We begin...With an FPS|game_1]] One thing more: This game is meant to be a parody supplemental piece to Agency? series of games made by <a href="http://twitter.com/lightnarcissus">@Ansh</a>. It is not a offical part of the series, merely a parody using the series' idea. No permissions were asked, forgiveness will be as soon as he finds out about this game.

Call Of Warfare 1945: Hitler's Revenge Info: * Made By Electric Paintings * Price: 90 bux * Platforms: PCs and consoles * DLC: Lots * Story: non-existent * Multiplayer: Clearly the main focus. In this game, you travel to an alternative WW2 timeline where hitler fled for a few years and then came back as a ripped commando. Peopole say that EP started to use alternative, modern and future settings to take attention away from the fact that there's so many WW2 era shooters than people can tolerate. And we were just about to move away from those to like...gangland and Feudal Era japan settings. Now, my crate, the fate rests in your location... [[Appear Late|game_1_good]] [[Appear Early|game_1_bad]]

"This brings new life to the shooter genre" - EUGamer "Just mix the doritos with the dew and lemme snort them up. I ain't leaving the basement for a year" -GameStain "This will be marked as singlehandedly transforming the shooting genre" -GameExplosive You appear in the final battle with the Hitler who has returned. Many hail this game as a true champion of what gaming can achieve. The multiplayers various DLC modes are hailed as an innovative solution to make people pay more without being disgrundled about it. You alone have transformed the shooting landscape forever. The health and ammo you carry have started to form their own warring religions. Ah, i am a proud god. [[On to the next game|game_2]]

"No one in their right mind should play this. It lacks the academic value we expect from games" -DeathScreenDaily "It is juvenile and stupid" -Rich Viewer Ph.D "I'd rather learn to cook than to play this fuck shit penix ball bullshit game" - J. Random YouTuber. Well, you decided to be one of the first things that the player sees, and the rest of the game was just a hot steamy alternative history mess. You'll be talked about for ages...in the same vein as Big Japanese Sword and Count Radioactive Eternity. You've done your duty and lessened the percieved value of first person shooters. Soon Electric Paintings have to start to ponder about making games in some other genre. [[on to the next game...|game_2]]

Stealth Killer's Oath 56: More convoluted story bits * Made By Ubiquitos Software * Price: Too damn high * Story: STILL requires you to read 6 books, watch 3 animated movies and buy the new comic for it to make sense. * DLC: 5 Season passes for each season * Platforms: all, and equally buggy on each one * Multiplayer: For the first time ever! * Playable women: Ooh, you're such a kidder! This latest edition on an annualized franchise has arrived to some...shall we say issues. NEVERTHELESS it is NOT the issues that make this game either good or bad. it is the PLACEMENT of the FIRST CRATE that shall dictate the overall quality of this game for this and future generations. Now, the choice is yours to make, once again. [[Appear late|game_2_good]] [[Appear early|game_2_bad]]

"Masterpiece of histrionic proportions" -GameSnipe "The story left me in tears...the side-quests were perfect. THis is going to be the Mona Lisa of gaming" -Joyful Dog baby "BOOM RIGHT IN THE SCHNICKY! Please Subscribe to my channel!" - J. Random Streamer Jr. This game will be one of the most intricate web of cross media storytelling, with the games, the books, comics films and everything else forming a web of intrigue, spying, conspiracies and the eventual redemption of the human race. It spurs storytellers to realize the potential of storytelling with video games, it elevates the artform to new heights...causing other games to weep in their inadaquacies. [[on to the next game...|game_3]]

"This game proves the narrative bankrupty of AAA Games" - Journalist Patreon Goddess "I'm not mad...just disappointed" - The lead developer's Dad. "I WANT MY MONEY BACK" - Everyone who bought the game. This game got bad reviews. The story was convoluted, the plot ridiculous, and all the DLC and the NEED to buy comics and books just to understood the main kernel of the idea didn't help either. It helped to doom the game. Not even the fan wiki can make heads or tails what it was supposed to be about. Also, OCD advocacy group sued the company for the game and it's minimap being filled with side-quests, collectibles and so on from the get go. Thankfully no one died, and every person suffering from OCD was able to get help from the said advocacy group. [[on to the next game...|game_3]]

Adventures of RetroBoy in 80s Land * Made by Slippery Octopi * Price: 15€ * Story: ...some...i guess? * Multiplayer: Not yet...maybe someday * Kickstarter: Successful, but still no physical rewards shipped. This is one of those indie games you hear about. It exceeded it's kickstarter and it's even being sold on Early Access...well, at least half of it is. But it's going to be so good when it's finally finished! It's a retro-inspired Platformer with some interesting ideas. Still, cause it's in early access it's still kinda hard to tell if it's going to be any good. But...that's why we have crates, don't we? [[Appear Late|game_3_good]] [[Appear Early|game_3_bad]]

"A Fantastic end to the most epic CRPG trilogies in the history of the world ever" -RPG Fancier "The themes really resonated with me...This game will stay with me forever, making me feel like a queen of the known universe" - Lady Megadeath, Adventure Games Online "I camped out for 5 months to get this game and it was worth it!" - J. Random Superfan THE EPIC BALLADS that this game inspired...the FAN WORKS, the largest grossing mega empire! And to THINK it was made by 5 people, working from home. These people are now billionaires, they're going to spend wonderful lives for the rest of their existence. You've done good, crate. And that'll do. [[now we come to the end|epilogue]]

"Not worth the 560 hours it took me to complete this" -Mr. Complainer "Dull, uninspired, Cliched. Too reliant on Jails and Lizards setting" - GameMaster Pro Online "MY EXPECTETIONS WERE CRUSHED! AAAAHHHHHH" - A person who took these type of games WAY too seriously. Well... Let's...let's not get into it. IT was an epic saga, and a crate ruined it all. Did they even HAVE crates during the medival times? Anyway, That's not important right now. [[now we come to the end...|epilogue]]

Like it or not, games have...somewhat evolved since the days of Old Man Murray. Sure the plots are still kinda sucky, but the amount of crates we see has deffo gone down in an average game. Except in Assassin's Creed. A CHEST IS STILL A CRATE, YOU GUYS. *ahem* But what does it mean to make a game like this? what does it mean to comment on something that was aimed to be a joke? It still got people to think. Like, not to add crates to the like...air ducts you see in action movies, the kind where the hero escapes the terrorists or whatever. Well... It's all just a big joke, isn't it? The End.