I want to, LORD KNOWS, but how can I? I can't let one stupid bad day get in the way of my progress! I mean, it's not like I've made that much progress...I only really made it perfectly halfway...and no, wait.\n\nIt wasn't perfect because I rushed through the exercise on the first day, and I had tea that day when I'm not supposed to have tea (definitely not with milk and sugar, which I shamefully indulged in). Oh, then there was day three with its sloppy exercise towards the end of each set.\n\nUgh, I didn't do well at all. Maybe I need to buy another kit and start all over, but I don't really want to. The meals are atrocious and I'm so exhausted all the time. With work on top of this diet, it's been hard to concentrate on anything.\n\nI don't know how other people do it, with their strong wills and their better planning and...gosh. I have no idea how I can make it through life if I can't even do a simple seven day program!\n\n<center><big>DAY FIVE</big></center>\n\n''Exercise Portion'': My leg still hurt, so I delayed doing the exercises until way too late and I was unmotivated to start up again. When my girlfriend got home, I realized I just HAD to try so I got out the mat. She told me that she'd kill me if I tried to exercise today, and that I needed rest. I listened.\n\n''Nutrition Portion'': So somehow, today, I made it through the meals and didn't need to snack...I sure wanted to. In fact, it's all I thought about all day - everything to do with food: what type of foods I want to start eating more of, what foods I should never eat again, what restaurants I miss, what I wish I could eat right now...\n\n''Emotional State'': Lethargic and weepy. My girlfriend told me I looked sleepy at around 7:30pm and I started tearing up. She asked me what was wrong but I just couldn't tell her a thing. Tomorrow, I NEED to kick this diet's ass and keep going. I am tired of looking like this blob of unsuccessful misery.\n\n''Girlfriend's emotional state'': I can tell she is feeling really sorry for me. She's insistent now that I give up and eat real food with her, but I don't do it. She suggested we try eating healthier in general together and I said that she didn't need to change, but I did, so I didn't want to be unfair. She did thsi big sigh I've never heard before. Even though I am exasperating and I feel like an asshole, she still kissed me goodnight and squeezed me tight as we fell asleep. Again - I do not deserve the right to stand in her shadow.\n\n\n\nYou said you might need to try a different diet altogether to lose the weight you want and still be happy. [[Why are you going for these published diets anyway?|Day Six]]\n

Yeah, it's not like she won't get it or anything. She's definitely more conscious than I am of her appearance and would never let herself go as far as I have. And no, I don't really see her not loving me or not finding me sexy, but I do totally think I can look better. I mean, goddamn, you have to constantly work at keeping the ones you love. You should never take them for granted. I've always considered this a part of that whole mindset.\n\nSo, even though she didn't ask me to, I'm going to do this partly for her. I mean it's mostly for me, I'm not going to lie about my vanity and my self-centeredness, but I'm thinking of her too. And for my health, obviously, I can't forget that.\n\n<center><big>DAY TWO</big></center>\n''Exercise Portion'': Awesome. Feeling more energy already, I swear it. Freaking awesome!\n\n''Nutrition Portion'': It was OK, today's lunch was a better tasting pasta dish, which I almsot found enjoyable. Stomach is still really damn mad at me though.\n\n''Emotional State'': Strong, and super affectionate towards the lady. I surprised her with this great bubblegum lipbalm I found in my drawer. Being with her is keeping me strong.\n\n''Girlfriend's emotional state'': Seems pretty good, she's still all smiley and it seems like nothing's really changed for her. All I see is support and love.\n\n\n\nSo this is also supposed to be for your health. [[Do you have any health problems?|Day Three]]

<center>''THE END.''\n\n\n//To all the people who get to see this little project of mine, especially those who are struggling with weight issues, disordered eating, and who are fighting to try and love themselves, seemingly without merit...''you are loved and you deserve ultimate happiness despite the burden you carry.'' And no, your body's weight is not the burden. The self-hate that has been taught to you is the real burden.</center>//\n\n\n<center>''ABOUT ME''</center>\nMy name's Khadeja and I'm experimenting with Twine. This is my second ever project (the first being Djinn Story) and it was completed in about 2 hours. You can find me on Twitter as @khakhov.

I used to weigh less, I was a size 6 and I was kind of okay with it, mostly. Obviously, I'd love to be a size 2 (since I'm only 5 feet tall) but we can't have //everything//, right?\n\nTheeeeeen, I guess with birth control and smoking weed or drinking, not really sure which--but anyway, the combination of life stuff and stuff I did made me gain weight. I'm pretty sure it was the birth control, but it just happened so gradually. I kind of don't get it, and doctors are always like, "It's just a mixture of lifestyle and medication." I don't think they could make any conscious effort to be vaguer. If 'vaguer' is even a word.\n\nAnyway, I'm pumped to start losing weight and getting back to my former self. My current size 14 just isn't cutting it.\n\n<center><big>DAY ONE</big></center>\n\n''Exercise Portion'': Excellent. This stuff's darn easy and I powered right through it. Hell YES!\n\n''Nutrition Portion'': Okay. The day's meal was kind of bland and my stomach was grumbling all day. However, I made it so I am proud.\n\n''Emotional State'': Pretty good, feeling tough. This should be a breeze.\n\n''Girlfriend's emotional state'': Doesn't even know what the huge package that came for me was. I'm going to have to let her in on this.\n\n\n\n[[Wait, you didn't even tell your girlfriend?|Day Two]]

I feel tired more than anything else, and I am tired of hearing myself say how tired, exhausted, fatigued, whatever other synonym comes drooping out of my lips. \n\nAll in all, this diet sucked. I'm glad this is my last day, because I am not doing it again. I can't believe that these seven days have caused such dramatic shifts in my life, but they have.\n\nMy heart is just...sinking. There is nothing out there that works, and I'm stuck with this mystery of my body and how to get it into better shape. Better shape? Fuck, no, what I want is to be skinnier. Better shape means health, and I know for sure that it isn't really health that I am worried about. It's me, I need to prove to myself that I can complete a concrete goal. My constant lack of progress has shown me a possibility that I've never wanted to face: that I can't lose the weight, that maybe I SHOULDN'T lose the weight but it would certainly make my life easier if I could.\n\n<center><big>DAY SEVEN</big></center>\n\n''Exercise Portion'': I was able to do most of the stretching portion, but because of my leg I took it way easier than I should have. Maybe I'll try these exercises when my leg has healed, but something tells me I should take it easier from the start.\n\n''Nutrition Portion'': I am never going to do this to myself again. Those words have been on repeat in my mind all day, even though I did eat all the pre-packaged meals for the last day. It came with a surprise "dessert" for the last day - some kind of chocolate pie slice. It was OK but I wanted to bring out the whipped cream. I didn't, but I plan on eating a whole can sometime this week.\n\n''Emotional State'': I am so relieved that this is over, but I'm terrified of where I can go from here. The options seem so few, but I am willing to make the effort. However, I need to put this all on hold while I focus on the love of my life. I can't think of anything but her.\n\n''Girlfriend's emotional state'': She barely spoke to me until she got home from work, and I knew that it was all my doing. When she got home, I gave her the hugest hug I could. She laughed and congratulated me on my last day. Hearing her laugh made my tummy do its swirly thing where I just //have// to kiss her. So, I did. I told her I loved her about a zillion times. She's been smiling a lot more than she has over the last few days.\n\n\n\n[[Onto the end|End]]

I...I don't know! I told you, it just did and that's why it sucks so much! I ask myself the same damn question every day. How could I be so oblivious about my own body?! It's infuriating and I feel like a careless good for nothing. I never took care of my own shit and now my body and I are paying for it! Maybe the reason I didn't notice is because I am some kind of huge IMBECILE.\n\nUgh, I'm sorry. The fact that I let this happen will always upset me and I'll always be touchy about it. I'm really sorry, I'm not mad at YOU or anything.\n\nI just...don't like that this happened because it's my fault. You understand, right? I let myself go, and I have no one else to blame. I have to keep on going, even if it is hard, to undo the mistakes I made.\n\nIf only diets weren't so damn hard...I would have done this even earlier. They just feel so impossible. \n\nBut no--I can't afford to think that way anymore. \n\n<center><big>DAY FOUR</big></center>\n\n''Exercise Portion'': Unfortunately, I was an idiot and tripped doing these yoga stretches at the very beginning of the routine. I was feeling dizzy and tired and I think I sprained my left ankle. I have it on ice and I'm watching "The Pink Panther Strikes Again" instead of whatever it was I was supposed to do.\n\n''Nutrition Portion'': I did a bad thing and opened up a can of almonds from the pantry and ate so many of them during snack time. The meals just aren't cutting it and I feel like "So Easy, It's Criminal!" should be renamed "Feel like a Criminal because you must have committed a crime to deserve this punishment." I haven't attacked the ice cream in the freezer, but I keep thinking about it.\n\n''Emotional State'': Ok so...I feel like turds piled upon turds, but then the turd pile got stepped on. What a miserable failure of a day, starting with me hurting my ankle and then eating all those stupid almonds. I am a huge failure.\n\n''Girlfriend's emotional state'': If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she's losing it - but she's too good for that. She snapped at me today. Well, not really snapped, but she sharply spoke. When I complained that the food sucked for the tenth time today, she said, "Quit the diet! Today! You're SO unhappy!" I shut up after that, and I don't think she's angry at me but I feel like I shouldn't complain so much.\n\n\n\n[[Why don't you listen to your girlfriend?|Day Five]]

<center>//We're so glad you purchased this "So Easy, It's Criminal!" diet kit. With this amazing and simple nutrition and exercise routine, you'll see results in// ''seven''// days!\n\nThis regimen has only two parts to it! In your personalised crate, you'll see a mat, a towel, and some 10lb weights. Those are for the// ''exercise''// part of this program. Read from your// ''Seven Days to Slimness''// exercise guide, one page a day! Each page has a detailed diagram of the necessary exercise for the day, paired with the number of reps you need to complete in a set, and how many sets in total you need for the day! It's SO simple!\n\nThe second part of "So Easy, It's Criminal!" is the //''nutrition''// or diet portion. Refer to your copy of //''Easy, Breezy Dining''// for your daily meals, the ingredients of which can all be found in the personalized crate. The recipes all take less than 15 minutes to prepare and only need a stovetop skillet or microwave to complete.\n\nYou'll be slimmer, sexier, and happier in only //''SEVEN DAYS''//!!! Lucky YOU!!!\n\nAll the best,\nthe "So Easy, It's Criminal!" diet kit team.//</center>\n\n\nWell, I gave up and gave in. It's time for me to try and lose some weight.\n\n[[Why?|Day One]]

I've heard all over the place that obesity can cause a ton of health issues and I don't want that stuff to happen to me. Sooo many awful genetic predispositions plague my family too. The thing, though, is that I don't think //all// obese people are unhealthy. The word 'obese' comes from BMI which is a scale that isn't even right, the number they give you barely tells you anything. I've seen examples of how someone perfectly healthy can be labelled overweight or obese.\n\nI'm saying all this and I feel like a hypocrite because here I am, doing a fad diet only because I've heard it'll make me skinnier. I know I can find other fat people beautiful...but I'm so pissed at //myself//. It feels like it snuck up on me out of bloody nowhere and that should never have happened.\n\nAnd then again, some of my friends have gained weight and I'm like, //whatever!// because they're still good-looking to me. \n\nAll I can say for sure right now is that I'm angry and sad and I want to lose weight and feel better.\n\n<center><big>DAY THREE</big></center>\n\n''Exercise Portion'': I have this annoying cramp in my back, my hip, and the backs of my legs. Ok, I have SEVERAL crampS and they SUCK. I want to do these sets but I can't finish the set. I'm taking it easy the rest of the day and I've pulled out my warming pad (yes, I have one for my heavy flow days). I tried to relax with a hot cup of Lady Londonderry tea, even though it's against the diet.\n\n''Nutrition Portion'': Ughhhhh, this cardboard shit they call food! It's tasteless! I am hungry all the time and the snack foods they provide are a joke. Small portions, small amount of thought put into them.\n\n''Emotional State'': Kind of tired and definitely cranky about the cramps. Also a little moody seeing an awesome picture of [[Gabourey Sidibe|http://imgur.com/rWlq1o5]] that showed up on twitter today. She's more beautiful than I'll ever be, just like that, and I have to lose so much weight to look good.\n\n''Girlfriend's emotional state'': She's had to deal with my mood and my random bouts of philosophical whatever and she's such a champ; so confident and understanding. She just listened and hugged me and told me that she wanted me to be happy. It's exactly what I needed. I want to go to hypnotherapy and learn what I did in a past life to deserve having a perfect woman in this one.\n\n\n\nYou said that you feel like the weight gain came out of nowhere. [[Why didn't you notice?|Day Four]]

Lose Weight in Seven Days!

Khadeja

They're written for the lowest common denominator, and I'm pretty low on the scale. All I need to do is follow instructions and read the resources and they tell me everything that I need to know.\n\nI've gotten a printout from the doctor of all these foods I should eat and all the foods I shouldn't eat that much of, or at all. The problem with me is that I don't know how to follow those instructions. I still don't know how to manage a portion and I don't know how to unlearn all the cravings I get when I am hungry. Listening to me, it's like I just don't know how to goddamn EAT.\n\nI know these diets seem stupid but where else am I supposed to go? I feel like I am at a loss even if I don't truly believe what I am doing.\n\nAnd yeah, I don't believe at all in this "So Easy, It's Criminal!" CRAP. It's not easy, it makes me feel like a loser, and I've been vomiting my emotions all over the place since I've started.\n\nMy problem right now is that I am not sure if the diet is a huge fraud or if it is just me. With self control, people can do anything. I've heard that since I was a little girl running around lip-syncing to dumb songs and movies. You can do anything if you set your mind to it. Your dreams will come true.\n\nI'm working at it, but I don't think I've worked hard enough yet.\n\n<center><big>DAY SIX</big></center>\n''Exercise Portion'': My leg is still pretty painful, so I did the dumbbell portion of today's workout while sitting down. It sucks that I can't do all of it, but at least I am doing something. I can feel proud of that, I guess. \n\n''Nutrition Portion'': I did breakfast, then I made myself my own sandwich for lunch. I almost did the same thing for dinner because I was so hungry, but I went and microwaved the diet's dinner. It was okay but I am so freaking glad that tomorrow is the last day.\n\n''Emotional State'': Not feeling with it in the least. I spent the whole day in a haze. Then, I nearly burst out crying when my girlfriend told me that I look like I need a foot rub. I hid my tears in laughter like some old Bollywood black and white. I do need a foot rub. I need a foot rub, and real food. Just one more day.\n\n''Girlfriend's emotional state'': Every time she sees me, there's this concentrated look of absolute concern on her face. She stares at me a lot when she thinks I am not looking. I am having trouble believing she is not judging me somehow. I feel clueless when I'm around her. It looks like she feels like I'm going to drop dead any second when she's around me. I need to show her how much I appreciate her, but I don't have any good ideas.\n\n\n\nIt's your last day! [[How do you feel?|Day Seven]]\n