You decide to stay in bed. Honestly, it’s probably the right decision. You feel detached from whatever body you’ve been put in, and you’re scared to face the fact that it is, for the moment, your body. And so you stop, complacent. Eventually, you’ll look around and realize it’s been years since you left your bed. At least you were safe…\n\nIf you want to continue, you should probably just [[go back|bedroom]].
<<if $memories_retrieved eq 4>>The small, rough, golden key appears in the palm of your hand. You recognize it. You retrieve the key and gently place it into the door, unsure of why it was locked in the first place, but definitely sure that wherever you are is a place you need to leave. And so, you unlock the door, and you push your way out, into the life you want, the life you're supposed to have, unburdened by memories that feel like someone else's. By revisiting those memories, you can potentially revise them, create a new history, and start something else. Because your life now is yours, regardless of whatever life you were being handed. It's scary, and uncomfortable, and the disconnect between you and the memories you have is still there, but it's up to you to move forward and incorporate those into your life in a way that makes sense. It may be hard to remember, and it may take you out of yourself, but it's the only way you'll be able to get [[out|outside]].<<else>>The door appears to be locked from the inside. Maybe there’s a key in here somewhere? \n\n[[Go back|getup]]<<endif>>
<<if $glass_retrieved eq "yes">>In the closet, you see a strangely familiar piece of clothing. Would you like to put it on?\n\n[[Yes|dress]]\n[[No|drdenial]]\n[[Go back|getup]]<<else>>The closet is empty. Funny - somehow you remember this being full of clothes. But why do you remember this closet at all? \n\n[[Go back|getup]]<<endif>>
<<if $memories_retrieved gte 1>>You stumble over to the drawers, reeling from the recollection of a past you thanks to the photo book, and open them slowly. Your hands are shaking. You know you're someone else now, and you really don't like being reminded that things were any different.\n\nBut you remember who you were, don't you? And inside the drawers, there's glasses that you know were yours once. Well... glasses that you wanted to wear, that never really fit, for some reason. Will they fit now? Do you want to try them on?\n\n[[Yes|glasses]]\n[[No|gdenial]]\n[[Go back|getup]]\n<<else>>\nYou open the drawer. As you run your hand along it, you feel like you've used this drawer before, but somehow it feels equally unfamiliar. Opening the drawer, it is empty. Maybe you should try looking elsewhere?\n\n[[Go back|getup]]\n<<endif>>
<<set $memories_retrieved = $memories_retrieved + 1>>Inside the photo book, there’s some photos of a child who you think has a vague resemblance to you. But everything feels wrong. These pieces don’t fit the life you’re supposed to have. The child is… dressed wrong, and being put into situations that don’t make sense to the person you believe you are. What reality is this, then? At its end, the photo book hides a message: wear the glasses. You close it, and you breathe. Who is the person in the photobook? Is that actually you? Because now that you think about it, even though that person in the photos doesn't match the experience you know to be yours, you can somehow remember being told to think another way, forced to do things and be someone that you knew inside you weren't. \n\nIt doesn't matter what they told you, because looking back now, regardless of what situations that older you was in, regardless of who you were told you were, that person is in fact you, sometimes happy, sometimes sad. You can see the person you were supposed to be, the person you later became, inside these photos, alongside the you who you once were. You know that, if you met that person, and told them who they become, they would be happy, and they would be able to take that knowledge and use it to defend against those who tried to make them someone else. \n\nBecause you were strong enough to escape those messages and become yourself regardless of all else, you are rewarded with reconciliation of your first memory. Congratulations.\n\n[[Go back|getup]]
Fine. You’re not a very curious person, are you? \n\n[[Go back|bed]]
Fine. You're not a very curious person, are you? Plus, those clothes would have looked super cute on you, you know?\n\n[[Go back|closet]]
Under the bed, there’s a photo book. Wanna open it?\n\n[[Yes|photobook]]\n[[No|pbdenial]]\n[[Go back|getup]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $memories_retrieved = “0”>>\n<<set $door_key_retrieved = “no”>>\n<<set $opened_drawer = "no">>\n<<set $checked_closet = "no">>\n<<set $glass_retrieved = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>\nHi, I’m Ellen McGrody (@kadybat). Welcome to ‘Two Selves,' my entry to Ludum Dare 30. This game is going to be very vague and kind of uncollected because it’s a reflection of my emotions and it’s being made mostly for me. Here, the ‘connected worlds’ are the two lives I’ve lead: the one I lead while growing up, and the one I live now, presented to the player as separate realities. It’s inherently about my own experiences as a transfeminine individual, but I’ve tried to ignore gendered aspects as much as possible in order to maintain a feeling of depersonalization and allow the player to make the experience their own. \n\nI'll most likely use this as a foundation. It's my second game, and it's not very complete given the time constraints provided by #LD48, but I hope you like it! Good luck, and please feel free to let me know what you think! If you like my game, [[donating|mailto:[email protected][email protected]
&subject=$(pay what you want)&body=Thanks for donating! I don't deserve it but I really appreciate it. Your donations keep my transition moving, keep me fed, and ensure I can make more cool things. Enter in the amount you'd like to donate where it says (pay what you want) in the subject field. Your donation will be processed with Square Cash, who will send you a membership email if you're not a member already. You can replace all this with a message to me, if you'd like to send me one! If you'd like to generate a Square Cash donation button of your own, check out @michaelshultz's tutorial here: https://medium.com/@michaelschultz/the-most-valuable-thing-i-ever-made-a-button-294e9d2eb58b]] to my transition and future development efforts would be super amazing and I would love you forever. Thanks!\n\n[[Begin|bedroom]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $memories_retrieved = "0">>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou've made it outside because you've been able to put your past self behind you, to reconcile the person that you were and be able to become something else, something that you want, someone that you get to define and shape according to your standard and no one else's. You know that this house that you've left is still there, and full of memories of an old you, and that it will never go away; but you also have the key now, and you can get in and out whenever you want. \n\nYou take one final look at the place you woke up, and you begin to walk forward into the endless forest in front of you. And then you wake up again, back in the life you find familiar, ready to begin again.\n\n[[Play again?|Start]]
Ellen McGrody ([[@kadybat|https://www.twitter.com/kadybat]]) is a transwoman, an independent game developer, and generally a super-awesome rainbow sparkle generator who lives in the Bay Area. She loves you.
Fine. You know that's the only way to get out of here, right?\n\n[[Go back|bedroom]]
Fine. You’re not a very curious person, are you? \n\n[[Go back|drawers]]
You knew you were in deep when you woke up this morning and felt like you were somewhere else. You’re in a room - presumably, this is your room, but it feels like it might be someone else’s. There’s some photos on the walls, various posters, and basic furniture. You’re on the bed. \n\n[[Get up and explore|getup]]\n[[Stay in bed until you figure things out|updenial]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $memories_retrieved = 4>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou put on the clothes and look in the mirror on the closet door. You're falling again, headfirst into the mirror, at a great velocity. You can see your old self wearing these clothes, opening a door, and now? You're yourself again, because these were the clothes you would wear when you became that person. \n\nSee them, a voice asks the old you?? Remember them from your dream? They're right there, staring at you in a mirror, smiling at themself in the clothes you bought to fit them. It sits in your closet, untouched, as you’re too scared of the body you’re in to wear it. Because it belongs to the person you should have been, and on that person, and not who you were then. \n\nYou take it, and you keep it on, because after all that fighting, finally, these clothes belong to you. Because even though you were forced to wear something else, and even though you were told you were someone else, in some other world, in the world where this house and these memories come from, you have become the person you bought these clothes for. And so you wear them, and you move back to [[the bedroom|getup]].\n\nA voice inside you tells you that it's time. Because you remember who you were, and the journey that brought you to who you are, because the only thing that's changed is you, and while your memories feel like they belong to someone else, you have owned them and made them yours. Move forward, and open the door.
<<if $memories_retrieved eq 4>>Everything has come into place. You remember where you are: this is your old bedroom. This is the place within you that you keep your old self, packed away, out of your frame of reference. You'd rather not have been this person at all - but you know who you were now, and in acknolweding the world of your past, you can move forward into the world of the present. A key appears in your frame of reference. Would you like to take it?\n\n[[Yes|door]]\n[[No|kdenial]]<<else>>So out of bed then. Looking down, you feel like something’s missing, or something’s wrong. This body you’re in? It’s not yours. The world inside of you tells you there’s something off, that your physical reality doesn’t match the one you know exists, or must exist… somewhere.\n\nSo whose reality is this then? You should probably try and find out.\n\n[[Try the door|door]]\n[[Check under the bed|bed]]\n[[Open the drawers|drawers]]\n[[Look in the closet|closet]]<<endif>>
<<silently>>\n<<set $glass_retrieved = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou put on the glasses, and for a second, you're falling. You see through your own eyes now, wandering into position, monitoring every step, following carefully the differences in the way this person moves, thinking as them. You remember wearing these glasses and acting as another. You remember wearing them because they were the ones you wanted to wear, that they would have belonged to the person that you knew you were supposed to be but told you weren't. You wore them because they should rightfully belong to you, but couldn't. And now they fit, don't they? You should keep them on - they were meant to be yours, one day, when you became someone else. The person you are now.\n\nLooking through the glasses, you see something appear to move in the closet. Perhaps you should check there next??\n\n[[Go back|getup]]