glass houses

## glass houses a poem game by (link:"@l1quidcryst4l")[(goto-url:"http://twitter.com/l1quidcryst4l")] for (link:"ludum dare")[(goto-url:"http://ludumdare.com/compo/author/jessiexjquine/")] [[view content warnings->Content Warnings]] [[play game->Start]]

bristles grip solids not fragments grit occupies skin and lungs alike "Why me?" you ask as you clean their mess as if the answer is ever different you place the broom back into the corner you place the bandages back onto your feet you place yourself back into the corner you place your armor back onto your skin (display:"Disassociate")

[[you dust for fingerprints->Fingerprints]]

you launch out into the street trampling over shards and dreams and feet a trail of red lingers in your wake invisible to all but the empath (and those standing in your way) nothing is revealed nothing is created nothing is new you finally slow to a halt as your vision begins to blur and your other senses take over [[scans show shouts behind->Pedestrian1]]

you lift the box from the shelves but somehow it's on the ground there are sounds and sights and faces and then it hits you and you're cascading out the door with muffled screams and an extra shadow you know where you are going (link:"surprise gives way to fear")[(set: $fear to true)(goto:"Fight With Anxiety")] (link:"surprise gives way to despair")[(set: $despair to true)(goto:"Fight With Anxiety")] (link:"surprise gives way to acceptance")[(set: $prepared to true)(goto:"Fight With Anxiety")]

[[hah, yeah right->Dust]]

you dust shards of glass pour them into the garbage along with the rest of your day 'It doesn't matter anyway' you think to yourself 'I probably would have only found my own' you heft the rock it's the right weight and the right shape you almost envy it [[i toss it into the trash->Trash]] [[i toss it into the street->Pedestrian1]] [[i toss it back->Pedestrian1]]

it belongs in the trash, you decide (like everything else) the gaping hole mocks you (like they always do) the staring faces pick you apart (like they always have) [[i have eyes and i will cry->Concern]] [[i have lungs and i will shout->Pedestrian1]] [[i have legs and i will hide->Disassociate]] [[i have nothing and i will do nothing->Disassociate]]

launching at you from the street the words track you like a missile they are hot and taste like fire "Just who do you think you are?" you wish you had a better answer [[but it's better than it's ever been->Pedestrian2]] [[but it never seems to be different->Pedestrian2]] [[but i'm still trying to find the words->Pedestrian2]]

a familiar face reveals itself steeped in light and surrounded by warmth "Are you there again?" [[i move my head up->Nod]]

"Are you even listening to me? Haven't you ever heard of do unto your neighbour as you would have them do unto you?" hah easy for him to say but (link:"no one has ever treated me like that")[(set: $abused to false)(goto:"Cop1")] (link:"he wouldn't want me to do that")[(set: $selfharm to true)(goto:"Cop1")] (link:"it's much harder to do than to believe")[(set: $failure to true)(goto:"Cop1")]

shutters close as red and blue respond to their summons the man stomps off and you match his retreat but your fortications are damaged (and it wouldn't have mattered anyway) the badge slams its way inside the noise echoes off the walls they're supposed to be words (you realize eventually) but all you hear is the red face and silent metal and even if you could why should you be asked to listen? "Do unto your neighbour as you would have them do unto you" you would laugh if you weren't so terrified [[i nod my head->Cop2]]

it barrels out of the door and you know that the lifeline it left is made of spider-silk that you cannot drag the net without finding yourself stuck in the web finally the air in your lungs rejoins the room and over time you come to realize you're holding something in your hand you turn it over and over trying to find a way not to recognize it but the empty landscape is filling itself the shadows and contours bloom onto the page you knew where they would be even if they didn't (link:"i will not bother it")[(set: $wall to false)(goto:"AnxiousTime0")] [[i will be prepared->Flashlight]] (link:"i will put up a wall")[(set: $wall to true)(goto:"AnxiousTime0")]

you begin your march one, two, three, in one, two, three, out(set:$prepared to true) (display:"Approach")

[[time passes->AnxiousTime1]]

more than it should (the vampire-bat flies over your shoulder) (it steals from you) [[but i ignore the pain->Wound]] (if:$wall is false)[[[i turn and look->Flight]]]

gradually the dull ache gives way to a stinging pain you carry the infection everywhere (link:"it hurts")[(set: $pain to 1)(set: $damage to 2)(goto:"Pain")]

the wings escape your sight always running, always fleeing you know where it is going your feet retrace the path(set: $watching to true) [[and i am ready now->Preparation]] [[i am ready as i'll ever be->Fight With Anxiety]]

familiar sounds pierce your ears(if:$help)[$c[ but are quickly drowned out “It’s going to be okay”]] the world beats a fast rhythm your eyes are struggling to keep time(if:$prepared)[$c[ but your vision is steady you were already tapping the beat]] you catch the shape in the corner of your gaze and while the distance brings new unfamiliarity it’s still clearer now, under new light and smaller, you can tell (if:$help)[$c[“Do not be afraid They have no power over you.” you accept the flashlight gratefully] and the beam slices the air tearing apart their hiding place](else-if:$flashlight)[$c[your hand grips the flashlight throws the switch] fresh batteries find use for the first time and the beam slices the air tearing apart their hiding place](else:)[they slip out of sight the world is closing in$c[(if:$prepared)[ but you are ready you are watching now](if:$watching)[ but this time, you are watching you know where to look](else-if:$pain > 0)[ but your shoulder twitches you know this pain now](else-if:$disassociated)[ but you have been here before you know this landscape you know where to be and this time— you will be present ]] you spin one 180° forward and stare into the daylight] the figure dashes away smaller than ever and too late: [[you’ve seen their weakness->Branch]]

{ (set:$pain=$pain+1)(set:$damage=$damage-1) (link: "it hurts")[ (if:$damage > 0)[(goto:"Pain")] (else:)[(goto:"Ambush")] ] }

[[i move my head down->Question]]

"Would you like my help?" [[i nod->Help]] [[i shake my head->They Leave]]

soft hand and soft hair gentle warmth and gentle welcome arms link; lift; lock and you walk as one(set:$help to true) (display:"Approach")

they plant an understanding smile and beat a slow retreat [[i call out->Question]] [[i call it a day->Disassociate]]

you lean back and your particles begin to scatter boundaries fray at the edges colors run and vision skips (set:$disassociated to true) [[time passes->Disassociated Time 0]]

[[faster than it should->Disassociated Time 1]]

[[and as irrelevant as ever->Ambush]]

tracing steps retracing steps not following the figure [[but growing closer nonetheless->Fight With Anxiety]]

shaky feet meet steady floor and find new stillness hands embrace surfaces, find texture and a flashlight, you stow it away(set:$flashlight to true) (display:"Preparation")

{ (set:$therapy to false) (set:$psychiatry to false) (set:$brightness to "dim") (if:$flashlight is true)[ (set:$flashlight to true) ](else:)[ (set:$flashlight to false) ] (if:$selfharm is true)[ (set:$selfharm to true) ](else:)[ (set:$selfharm to false) ] (if:$abused is true)[ (set:$abused to true) ](else:)[ (set:$abused to false) ] (if:$failure is true)[ (set:$failure to true) ](else:)[ (set:$failure to false) ] (if:$fear is true)[ (set:$fear to true) ](else:)[ (set:$fear to false) ] (if:$despair is true)[ (set:$despair to true) ](else:)[ (set:$despair to false) ] (if:$help is true)[ (set:$help to true) ](else:)[ (set:$help to false) ] (set: $restlessness to (a:"spinning", "tossing", "turning")) (set:$c to (color: #9DD8E6)) }(if:$help is true)[$c[your friend offers one last embrace "It's your's", they say patting the flashlight(set:$flashlight to true) and taking their leave ]]the nervous energy skittering over you finds ground and seeps into it strengthening bonds and making links solids regain their shape the world is steady again you have done well you are safe, for now [[but i could use help->Seek Help]] [[but now i will rest->Rest]]

you find new numbers and new voices and new places and new problems but you can solve each [[one by one->Resources]]

your feet lead sure steps with sure footing sure of their destination secure, in their destination the walls are up now the light is on, now you sink into safety toss and turn(set:$sleep to 0) [[the light dissapears behind your eyelids->Sleep]]

(if:$psychiatry and $therapy)["We've done all we can" [["Thanks"->Rest]]](else:)["How can I help you?" (unless:$therapy)[[["I need to understand"->Therapy]] ](unless:$psychiatry)[[["I need to see"->Psychiatry]] ]]

they nod knowingly lots of nodding lots of knowing you make sketches and draw plans and practice [[piece->Piece0]]

they smile wide and it's disconcerting— but genuine "Do you have a flashlight?" (if:$flashlight is true)[[["Yes"->Batteries]] ](else:)[[["No"->Given Flashlight]]]

the landscape is becoming a photo familiarity is becoming recognition the figure is becoming a person so small, now next time, you will know now, the dark will not stop you(set:$therapy to true) (display: "Prompt")

[[by->Piece1]]

[[piece->Therapy End]]

your calendar is laughing at you like that uncle everyone hates after he leaps out to scare you the days lays out before you— taunting you. there are obstacles strewn over it nooks and crannies full of shadow (if:$therapy)[$c[but you know the shadows now they offer no danger] ](if:$flashlight and $brightness is "bright" or $brightness is "dim")[$c[you have your flashlight the shadows will tremble before you and fall apart] ](if:$sleep is 10)[$c[you have slept soundly and your reflexes are sharp] ] you go the only way [[forward->Outside]]

(if:$brightness is "bright")[(set:$psychiatry to true)]"Do you need anything else?" [["Yes"->Resources]] [["No"->Rest]]

"Try these batteries" she hands them over they're covered in words they mean nothing to you [["Okay"->Does it work]] [["No thanks"->Prompt]]

"Here, try this one"(set:$flashlight to true) [[i take it->Does it work]] [["No thanks"->Prompt]]

"Does it work?" [[you flip the switch->Try Flashlight]]

(set: $brightness to (either: "negative", "nothing", "dim", "bright")) it (if:$brightness is "negative")[(color:#333300)[sucks the light from the air around it]](else-if:$brightness is "nothing")[does nothing](else-if:$brightness is "dim")[glows (color:#ffffcc)[dimly]](else-if:$brightness is "bright")[shines (color:#ffff33)[brightly]] you answer: [["Yes"->Prompt]] [["Sort of"->Try Again]] [["No"->Batteries]]

"Do you want to try again?" [["Yes"->Batteries]] [["No"->Prompt]]

you tumble to the surface spinning, moving everything is moving everything is everything is bright you drink it in you curl into familiar spaces you need more rest [[i need more help->Seek Help]] [[i need to try again->Sleep]]

(if:$therapy)[(set:$sleep to 10)dark shapes come to you $c[but you know their form now they cannot scare you you sleep soundly] [[and wake well rested->New Day]]]{ (unless:$therapy)[ (set:$sleep to $sleep + 1) (set:$nightmare to (random:0,3)) (if:$sleep > 7)[ [[you wake, rested->New Day]] ](else-if:$nightmare is 3)[ [[something dark comes in the night->Wake Up From Nightmare]]](else:)[ [[(either:...$restlessness) and...->Sleep]] ] ] }

you leave shelter for open air faces float in circles around you you swim through them(if:$therapy)[$c[ but they are not among them you know their shape precisely now ]](if:$flashlight)[$c[ your hand fiddles with your flashlight ]] the farther you swim the deeper it gets swallowed in growing waves [[losing your footing->Depths]]

[[tossed into the depths...->Encounter]]

{ (set:$l to (color: white)) }you blink eyes adjusting to the black (if:$therapy)[[[i am ready for this->Explore]] ](if:$flashlight)[[[my hand flips the switch->Click]] ][[i stand and wait->Attacked]]

you see room (display:"Building Description") $c[i can see, this time] [[i step into the open shadows->Beckon]]

(if:$brightness is "negative" or $brightness is "nothing")[(if:$brightness is "negative")[the air grows (color:#333300)[even darker]](else:)[nothing happens] (if:$therapy)[[[but i prepared for this->Explore]]](else:)[ [[it's so hard to see...->Attacked]]] ](else-if:$brightness is "dim" or $brightness is "bright")[(if:$brightness is "dim")[(set:$l to (color:#ffffcc))](else:)[(set:$l to (color:#ffff33))]$l[a $brightness light cuts through the shadows you see room (display:"Building Description") "No hiding anymore", you say to yourself as the beam boils the darkness away] [[i beckon the form to come forward->Through The Looking Glass]] ]

you can barely make out room (display:"Building Description") blurs dash through your visions drawing closer now coming for at you coming for you shapes in the darkness shape, in the darkness? a shape, in the darkness? //that// shape? you cry out [["Wait!"->Reckoning]]

$c["There's nothing to fear", you say to yourself you are ready] [[i beckon the form to come forward->Through The Looking Glass]]

$l[the figure pauses lingering in the air then turns and the movement begins each footfall quieter and light and smaller than the last you step forward in perfect time you both approach a pane of glass you reach out a hand they reach out a hand growing in length growing in size the figure stretches back to touch the surface bigger and bigger and bigger until] [[it forms the most familiar shape of all->Mirror]]

you touch the mirror and smile there is nothing frightening there any more

after room after room a collage of concrete tile and glass movement in the distant darkness so far away, this time so small, this time

{ (set:$f to (color:#FF9999)) (if:$help)[$c["The lonliness isn't forever` `It's okay` `There is help` `And safety"` `]]` `(if:$abused)[$f["There's been so much pain` `And suffering` `There doesn't need to be any more" ]](else-if:$selfharm)[$f["I'm not going to do it anymore` `I'm done hurting" ]](else-if:$failure)[$f["It doesn't have to be this way` `Things can be different, this time" ]](else-if:$fear)[$f["There's nothing to be scared of now` `It's okay` `It's okay to be calm" ]](else-if:$despair)[$f["It can be better this time` `It doesn't have to go wrong"` `]] } the shape struggles blurring at the edges settling on new shapes each smaller than the last shrinking further [[i beckon the shape to come forward->Through The Looking Glass]]

[[click!->Turn On Flashlight]]

### Content Warnings Hi there! I've done my best to tag what I think could be a problem, but if there's an issue, feel free to contact me at @l1quidcryst4l on twitter or [email protected] and I'll try to get it added. This game relies heavily on metaphor and poetry and the ambiguity they offer, and I do worry that viewing some of these content warnings might pierce that veil. As such, I've grouped them into categories based on how directly they are referenced. You can choose which groups you need to view. For what it's worth, if you are checking for the following common content warnings, they are //not// present: sexual assault, drugs, food. Some of them might be a little unecessary to tag, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Additionally, many are mutually exclusive by story arc, and you may not encounter them all. [[These ones are very direct or strongly implied->Direct CWs]] [[These ones are implied->Implied CWs]] [[These ones are more hidden in metaphor->Metaphor CWs]] [[Back Home->Intro]]

Stalking Kidnapping Police Family [[Back to Content Warnings->Content Warnings]]

Disassociation Self harm [[Back to Content Warnings->Content Warnings]]

Psychiatry Therapy [[Back to Content Warnings->Content Warnings]]

{ (set:$disassociated to false) (set:$wall to false) (set:$prepared to false) (set:$flashlight to false) (set:$help to false) (set:$watching to false) (set:$pain to 0) (set:$c to (color: #9DD8E6)) }broken shards form angel wings around you your halo is dented, cracked, and dimmed you stagger to your feet and flip the switch the chorus of sparks is a dull hymn there is no safety there on your way back your eyes trip over a stone your hands unwrap the paper your brain sorts familiar forms and shapes your knees tremble and your legs go weak "I cannot hide, but I can run. Will you chase me? You are not safe. You cannot escape me." a light in the distance lifts your fallen gaze reflected off a vague form all too familiar and fleeing as the shape makes for the shadows [[but i am powerless->Ignore]] [[knowledge is power->Investigate]] [[i am more powerful than they know->Pursue]]