Anniversary Special

You take your seat on your coach from Exeter to London, it's 5 years to the day since you and Joe got together and you can't wait to see him. Do you... [[watch netflix]] [[have a nap]]

Netflix is the best, but what to watch? You're super duper organised so you have downloaded two options, which will it be... [[Queer Eye]] [[Making A Murderer]]

Sweet dreams beautiful gal, sweet sweet sexy dreams - but are they sexy dreams about sex or about all the tasty food we are going to eat? [[Sexy dreams]] [[Food dreams]]

Fuck Antoni, Marry Jonathan, Kill Tan - that is the only answer really? [[BANG]]

Stephen Avery is a weird looking geezer, he probably did it... [[BANG]]

You lil saucepot, can't wait to see you later. Better not be thinking about Anthony Joshua [[BANG]]

You hungry bungly, I bet you're dreaming about nuggets. [[BANG]]

There's a loud crash that shakes you back to Earth, your coach has crashed on that annoying turn in Carshalton Ponds, why would the driver go that way????? Do you... [[Scream and go into shock]] [[Try to smash a window like a strong independent woman]]

You rock back and forth in your seat and begin to hallucinate, the sides of the bus are filling up with water as you sink further into the infinitely deep Carshalton Ponds. A figure puts his thumb and index finger around your chin and tilts your head up - its Jonathan from Queer Eye. He tells you you are fierce and that you can slay your way to safety. You get up and grab your bag, knocking all the other people out of your way until you reach the door. You wrench it open with all your might. Water cascades in instantly and you are overwhelmed, darkness ensues... [[Wake up on a beach]]

You summon the super-human strength of Beyonce and Serena Williams and backhand the window like another umpire has slighted you. The glass caves and water instantly gushes in, the last thing you sea before murky darkness is your bag being hit by the spray. [[Wake up on a beach]]

[[Didn't your boyfriend model on a beach once?]] Wet sand needs removing from your ears as you awake. How did the ponds lead here? The beach stretches out miles in both directions, is this even England? Do you... [[Run 5km in 25 minutes to the nearest town]] [[Signal down a boat]]

Yes, yes he did [[Wake up on a beach]]

Why is everything in french? You couldn't be in France, could you??? Oh no, you have to be in London to meet Joe this evening. You reach a tiny village where there lives a little old lady and 100 dachshund puppies. Do you... [[Bin off the anniversary, you've found heaven]] [[Lasso the pups together and let them pull you along in the old lady's wheelchair]]

It's the Ark, what's it doing here? And how is it mobile? [[Norfolk Somalian pirates have captured the Ark]] [[Noah's on a bender]]

You pick up some sand and throw it in the leader's eyes as you climb aboard. "I am your captain now" you whisper as the man begins to cry. Through blubbery tears he begins to weep out "we... we... were only trying to wri-write a version of the week's news as a porn film, you didn't ha-have to trash me". Wow, Theta is really diverse now - shame on you for thinking these poor young boys were Somalian pirates. [[Exert your dominance and comandeer the ship to London]]

A yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, and a couple beers, and a joint or three and maybe some pills. Its a pirate's life for him. You climb aboard and put the young man to bed. [[Exert your dominance and comandeer the ship to London]]

You wink at the old lady and flex your biceps. She replies "wait til you see mine". However, the old lady suddenly clutches her chest, and falls over. The moment she hits the ground the puppies devour her, relishing the taste of her withered flesh. You can't help but wonder whether this is karma for you neglecting your anniversary duties in favour of puppies. [[Lasso the pups together and let them pull you along in the old lady's wheelchair]]

You go for zoomies with the puppers. They are borkin hard as they drag you all the way to Paris. What's that you say smol boys? The last Eurostar back to london has already left?? You give their bots a smack and say "Yeehaw" as you leap over a barrier and onto the train line, you can see the train on a parrallel track. Do you... [[Get huge airtime off of a bridge and onto the roof of the train]] [[Race up alongside and pull the emergency lock]]

The pups land you safely on the roof of the eurostar, Tom Cruise eat your heart out. You throw open the hatch and drop into a seat undetected. A familiar voice calls out from across the way, "Tiz?". Its Auntie Sharon on her way home from her flat in Paris, she's got cakes and presents for you - lord knows how she could have predicted this turn of events, her prophetic abilities know no limits. [[You chat about food all the way home, gosh you are hungry now]]

The dachsies race off into the woods and you blow them a kiss goodbye. You throw open the door and drop into a seat undetected. A familiar voice calls out from across the way, "Tiz?". Its Auntie Sharon on her way home from her flat in Paris, she's got cakes and presents for you - lord knows how she could have predicted this turn of events, her prophetic abilities know no limits. [[You chat about food all the way home, gosh you are hungry now]]

Noah's got the munchies and starts eating the only thing he's stocked on board - beef jerky. [[You chat about food all the way home, gosh you are hungry now]]

You touch down in London town, the night is young. Big Ben has struck 7 and the camera zooms in on your face dramatically, gasps. You jump on the tube to Victoria, what's Joe going to look like? Hope he hasn't fucked it and shaved his head again. Hmmm, did he ever order that turtleneck? You exit the station. [[THERE HE IS]]

It's ya boi! He cannot wait to celebrate with you. The last 5 years has been the best adventure of his life - so much so that the one you have just been on pails in comparison. Get ready for snugs, its anniversary time bihh