Friend? Like a Facebook friend? I know this is Giovanni a flouncy super charismatic Italian guy, but we can't be friends yet.\n\nUmmmm yeah I know when I've made a friend.\n\nI slightly turned away and tried to think of a way to change the conversation. I'm completely fanglirling on the inside because I'm interfacing with James Baldwin's creative genius.\n\n[[But we can't be friends.]]\n\nI'm not even from the 1950s.

"I don't believe you," David says to me. Well, fucker, I didn't expect you to. \n\n[[But am I really being truthful with myself?|I mean...]]

Maria rides this fucking bike around hoping that whatever she took will wear off soon enough.\nHow did this even [[Start]]?

Yeah, I'm from 2011 New York. I work in a shitty, dingy, fucked bookstore, but it's money. We sell your book there.\n\n[["My book?"]]

"You do make a good point. Being a woman, I may have gotten married now and stayed married for fifty years and I might have been a stranger to David every instant of that time and he may never have known it. 'For a woman, I think a man is always a stranger. And there's something awful about being at the mercy of a stranger.'"\n\n[[Maria encourages her.]]

Have you heard of the movie about the monster who lives in a river and every once in a while he flips out and, like, physically rampages, killing or kidnapping people?\n\n"I am very sorry, Madame. But I do not believe I have."\n\nA wave of irony hit me when I realized that Giovanni is practically the monster from the movie.\n\nWhoops.\n\nLet me [[talk about something else]].

My eyes slid over to him. Details, I muttered with the wave of a hand. The point is, you need to get over your really shitty, gender-oriented thinking and you're gonna be a lot happier. You and Giovanni might have a chance.\n\nDavid blushed again, just a little bit. He probably wouldn't take my advice. The plot would be fucked if he did.\n\nI'm going to go now, I say as a wind picks up in the bar.\n\n[[WHOOOOOOOOOSH]]\n

That's the right fucking mindset. Screw everyone else and go find out who you really are. Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you need to settle down with some shitty man and live a shitty life!\n\n[[Hella nods enthusiastically.]]

"Bonjour. I'm Hella. I have recently arrived back from Spain where I had decided to let two try it, this business of loving me, I mean, and see how that worked out. Nothing had happened there-which I had supposed would please David, I confess it rather pleased me. I said to him, 'David, please let me be a woman. I don't care what you do to me. I don't care what it costs. I'll wear my hair long, I'll give up cigarettes,'\n\n[[Maria interrupts.]]\n[[Maria steals a bike off the sidewalk and rides around the city.]]

"Madame do you come in here often?"\n\nNo. Not very often.\n\n"But you will come. More often now?"\n\nWhy?\n\n"Ah! Don't you know when you have made a friend?" (pg. 37)\n\n[[Fuck. What's going on?]]\n

I fucking hate my life. Everything fucking sucks. \n\nI don't know how I got my job back, but I did.\n\nI guess nobody wanted to work in this hellhole, so they had to hire me. I guess it works out because I can't mooch off of Piranha any more. I gave the car back to Steph. James H. took like half of my fucking heroin. After all I did to help him. That little shit.\n\nI don't want to go to work, but I don't have any other income to support my bagel consumption. I'm only awake from the sound of clacking keys at the internet cafe. The coffee here isn't even that great.\n\nI managed to actually take my hormones today, so my emotions aren't all over the place. But I still hate my job. And everything.\n\ncuteoverload.com is still nice.\n\nShould I browse for more [[cat pictures]] or [[go to work]]?

I mean, technically I guess I am? I was born in a time differently than his, but not really all that different. But still, that level of judgement and gender-conforming gaytriarchy shit is what ends up fucking up his life later on.\n\n...[[Maybe I should help.|It's not even about that.]]

What I'm implying, David? You're in the middle of a gay bar. What are you implying by existing in this space?\n\n"I..."\n\nYou need to confront this, or you won't be happy and in, like, six months your life is going to be totally fucked. Like, seriously fucked. Trust me, I'm from the future.\n\n[["How am I supposed to trust you when you say you're from the future?"]]\n[["How am I supposed to confront looking at a man like a woman?"]]

If you want to give up cigarettes, 'Maybe Whatever Yes Sure Fine Yes Whatever Sure', but don't give up something that fucking awesome for your boyfriend or whatever David is. Its your fucking choice what you want to do with your life! Its nobody else's business. ...So how the hell does any of this shit have to do with a woman like you standing outside a gay bar?\n\n[[Hella considers Maria's outburst.]]\n[[Maria rolls her eyes and goes back into the bar.]]

I look around. Everyone looks like a picture out of a gay history book. A loud burst of noise comes from the doors and I look over to see a crowd of drag queens walk through the door.\n\n[["They [look] like a peacock garden and they sound like a barnyard."]]\n\n[[Is that... is that Giovanni?]]\n\n[[I have to get out of here.]]

Kieran thought I died or something while I was gone and won't leave me alone. He keeps making shitty (author) quotes. I mostly just roll my eyes. I'm not about to make Baldwin comments back. I hate my life too fucking much.\n\n*thump*\n\nI turn around and a book has fallen off the shelf. Speak of the devil, it's Baldwin. I could either [[pick it up]] or [[ignore it like usual]].

I roll my eyes. You could at least not get shitfaced. Whatever. I'll talk to you later.\n\n[[Go to the bar|Is that... is that Giovanni?]]

"Yesterday David was suffering because of his friend Giovanni's sentence, and he disappeared for a while. I went looking for him and found him here." \n\n[[Hella begins to cry.]]

It's weird being flirted with by a character from a book. It's as if Goofy or Bugs Bunny started trying to pick you up at a gay bar. I don't know how to react to all of this. I'm not used to being placed in confrontational situations. I live life the way I am. Like if you don't like me. Fuck it. Fuck you. You do you, bitches and all that.\n\nBut I've never been in a situation where I was cornered in socially. I'm comfortable blogging about my feelings or whenever I have a screen in front of my face I'm good and stuff. But like right now.\n\n[[I'm not comfortable.]]\n\nI never talked to my ex-girlfriend Steph. But I talked to the internet.

Somehow, I've managed to drift away from the corner that I was in. There are, unfortunately, no walls to punch. Plus, that would so not be punk.\n\n[[It's fucking David.]]

"You are absolutely right. I think I will get on a train and see where life takes me. I don't think I'll go back to Spain, but I will travel the world and find myself. I am entirely greatful that you talked some sense into me. Thank you."\n\nHella leaves for the train station.\n\nMaria hears a whirlwind of sound enclosing her and within seconds she lands with a thud in the middle of the fucking bookstore right where she had picked up that Baldwin book. What the hell happened? That was the freakiest shit I have ever experienced. And I really don't remember taking anything.\n\n[[Start]]

Holy fucking shit-fuck god-damn. What's going on?\n\nAll of a sudden there was a giant gust of wind in the bar. My hair started to blow across my face and glasses flew off the shelves as the room started spinning.\n\nNext thing I knew, I hit the ground with such a hard fucking velocity. My ass feels like it's about to break in two.\n\nHow did this even [[Start]]?

It's so weird talking to people about myself IRL. Like, what do I say? I'm fine with writing to an anonymous, infinitely large audience but when there's other people really involved like right there, I freeze up.\n\nMaybe I should learn to get over this. I should practice expressing myself to others more.\n\n[[Madame?]]

"Oh. Why so soon? Are you in a rush on an evening like this?"\n\n"The Americans are funny. You have a funny sense of time – or perhaps you have no sense of time at all, I can't tell. Time always sounds like a parade chez vous – a triumphant parade, like armies with banners entering a town. As though, with enough time, and that would not need to be so very much for Americans, n'est-ce pas?" and he smiled, giving me a mocking look, but I said nothing. "Well then," he continued, "as though with enough time and all that fearful energy and virtue you people have, everything will be settled, solved, put in its place. And when I say everything," he added, grimly, "I mean all the serious, dreadful things, like pain and death and love, in which you Americans do not believe."\n\n[[Wait what?]]\n\n[[Just get out of there]].

So you wanna tell me you weren't eyeing the kid behind the counter? That you don't want his Italian bod right up next to yours for some kinky shit? You're so queer.\n\n"[The only queer I am is for girls.] [I was only thinking that] if that was his sister looking so good, I'd invite her to have a drink with [me]."\n\nI roll my eyes. So why are you thinking about him right now, instead of Hella? If you're so queer for girls, why are you so fucking conflicted about Hella?\n\n[["I don't like what you're implying."]]\n[["I'm really not a fan of this conversation."]]

I walk out of the bar as fast as I can. \n\nI walk out to run straight into Hella. \n\nWhy is a girl like you hanging outside of a shitty place like this? I ask. 'Its a charmless little hole in the wall that's either so hip or so unhip that its just kind of boring inside. \n\n\n\t\nUM 1950'S?\t\nThere's obvious rock music in the jukebox, boring beer posters, and art by shitty local artists on the walls.' \n\n[[Listen to response.]]\n\n[[Storm off angry at the world.]]

I tried to find an opening between the birds of paradise. I looked down and reminded myself of the layers I was wearing. Even though I'm in the 1950s, at least there's some sort of a barrier between me and others.\n\nRight now, I'm craving to be back at that internet cafe.\n\nGiovanni's making weird eyes at me. I guess that's what I get for going into a gay bar in the 1950s.\n\n[[I turned my body to leave]]

The music gets louder as my ear gets closer. What. The. Fuck. A wind picks up. WHAT. THE. FUCK.\n\n[[Get sucked into the pages.]]

I roll my eyes. I forgot you were such a fucking user.\n\nDavid's brows narrow. "Excuse me, but I'm halfway homeless right now and Jacques isn't so deserving of kindness."\n\nYeah, I say, drawling out the word. But is he really so deserving of ONLY being used for cash?\n\n"And can you tell me that you've never used anyone? Lied to them so they'll give you what you want?"\n\nI roll my eyes.\n\n[[I mean...]]\n[[Not like you have...]]\n

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I'M IN A FUCKING JAMES BALDWIN NOVEL.\n\n[[Cry]]\n[[Punch a wall]]\n[[Respond like a normal human being.]]

By fucking dealing with it, asshole, I say. You're never going to be happy if you keep ignoring your fucking sexuality. If you keep ignoring your feelings like this, it's gonna ruin you, ok?\n\nDavid doesn't respond.\n\nWell, I'm getting tired as hell of being here. So... I'm going to try to find a way to bust this joint.\n\n[[Go out the door|Storm off angry at the world.]]\n[[Close eyes real hard and concentrated, clicking heels together. There's no place like home... there's no place like home... there's no-|Start]]

You are 'terribly, appallingly, sacrastically. uselessly, and pointlessly sorry.' David is just a pathetic asshole who has been using you as his shitty cover because he is insecure with his own fucking life. As a woman, you should be free to do whatever fucking shit yoou want to. You don't need anyone else to hold you back.\n\n[[Hella looks at her expectantly.]]\n\n\n

...\n\nSo why are you even here? If you're so queer for girls?\n\n[["I need... help... from Jacques."]]

Queer Happenings

"To choose!" cried Giovanni, as he turned around to like a fucking imaginary friend or something.\n\n"To choose!" He looked at me again. "Ah, you are really an American. J'adore votre enthousiasme! You must be more free with yourself." \n\n[[Giovanni outstretched his hand over to me.]]\n

Yeah asshole, you have a book. An entire fucking book. I'm honestly really confused as to what I'm doing here, but I fell sort of fucking obligated to help you. Like, I'm the ghost of Christmas Future. I'm gonna Bahumbug your ass.\n\n[["So you know what's going to happen to me?"]]\n[["Bahumbug?"]]

You're kind of a complacent ass, David. You're not a fucking fan of anything except for your own damn self.\n\nDavid scoffs, rolls his eyes, and walk away. Well, fucker, I can walk away too.\n\n[[Head for the door|Storm off angry at the world.]]

My whole life was the abusive boyfriend, and I finally left, and now my life is fucking great! Except that I still don't know what the hell is going on right now or how I fucking left the bookstore and ended up in the middle of this giant shit hole from the past, but other than this disaster, stealing mmy girlfriend's car and running away was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.\n\nHella, you need to get ahold of yourself and go figure out who the hell you are without a man in your life. Holding on to David was a defense mechanism'-but like most defense mechanisms, it wasn't conscious, and like most defense mechanisms, it bacame a pattern you weren't aware of, and then, like most defense mechanisms, at some point it stopped making your life easier and started making your life harder.'\n\n[[Hella takes a deep breath.]]

It's not even about that, I say to him. Look around you. You're in a bar full of men who like to fuck other men. You like to fuck other men - no, don't interrupt me and don't fucking lie to me. Like, that is literally illegal in the US right now and you're being really shitty because a bunch of people want to dress up pretty.\n\n"A man who [wants] a woman would certainly rather [have] a real one and a man who [wants] a man would certainly not want one of them," he declares. His voice is righteous and confident, but his neck is blushing.\n\nBecause they want to? Because they don't give even a single fuck about what you think about their gender expression? Because maybe, just maybe, that's how they feel comfortable expressing themselves? They don't give a fuck whether you want them, David. Get over yourself.\n\n[["How do you know my name?"]]

I look to where he's glancing. All I see are a cluster of people, probably drag queens, doubtfully trans, sitting together and being loud as hell. \n\n[["What's the big deal?" I ask.]]

I wake up in a shitty motel somewhere way west of New York and even more west of Paris. What the fUCKkKkkkKKK? I think to myself. Who fucking knew I could speak French.\n\n[[GO BACK TO SLEEP|Start]]

I have (maybe???) too much makeup on to start crying. Plus, that's really so not punk. So not me. Fuck this.\n\n[[Respond like a normal human being.]]

I'm not in a rush. I just don't want to be here talking to him right now. I'd rather be a fly on the wall reading about Giovanni. Not actually talking to him. This is a little too much for me.\n\nI guess I take my time for granted though. I shouldn't discourage myself from having relationships with others.\n\nMaybe I should call up Kieran when I get back and ask him to hang. Like for real. Not on GChat.\n\n[[Madame?]]

Like, Charles Dickens. Get with the fucking program, asshole.\n\n[[I roll my eyes, again.|"So you know what's going to happen to me?"]]

I guess I have. I kinda took Steph's car for like 6 weeks. And lied to her about... um... everything so that I could get it. And I kind of only talk to Pirahna when I need a friend. Never when she needs a friend. So... I don't fucking know.\n\nMaybe I am a user.... Maybe I'm not any better than David. Shit. Fuck. Fuck my life.\n\n[[Maybe my mission is fulfilled? A wind is picking up.|Start]]

Okay so Giovanni's right. American's do have a wacked up perception of time, but this is serious right now. I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE. I'M IN A FUCKING BOOK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!\n\n[[I have to get out of here.]]

I put the book away. My life fucking sucks.\n\n[[Start]]

"May I ask why you are so quiet madame? You are so closed off this evening. Please. Enjoy yourself. "\n\nEnjoy myself? I mean it's fucking awesome to be in one of my favorite books, but how do I get home?\n\n[[Look I didn't choose to come here tonight.]]\n\n[[I have to get out of here.]]

If I told you I came here from a time when America is old and New York is still shitty and terrible, would you believe me?\n\n[["I'm not that drunk."]]\n[[No, but humor me.]]

I turn, quickly, to notice the man next to me. GOD that sounds so familiar.\n\n[[It's fucking David.]]\n

New York biking hasn't changed. People in cars are still assholes.\n\n\nFor once, I'm on time for work.\n\n[[clock in]]

I mean, yeah, I like to think that I'm better on this. But is any one human really any better than another? Do I really have a right to talk? Am I ACTUALLY punk or am I just faking it?\n\n[[*EXISTENTIALIST CRISIS ENSUES*|Start]]

I can't. I've already lost my job once.\n\n[[go to work]]

My life sucks.\n\nBack to [[Start]].

Well, how fucking drunk are you?\n\n[[Really drunk.]]\n[[Not that drunk.]]\n[[Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...]]

"They're screaming like parrots. It's disgusting," he says.\n\nWell fuck you, too, I say. I get it: you're in some gender repressive time era so you've got all these bullshit ideas about male and female and gender expression, but fuck you.\n\nHis face turns red. Out of anger? Maybe. His face doesn't really show anything except for a neutral expression. But then again, his character is like that.\n\n"And you somehow are better?" he asks. I roll my eyes.\n\n[[God yes.]]\n[[Not really.]]\n[[It's not even about that.]]

I flashback to cuteoverload.com. Find a happy place. Find a happy place.\n\n<html><IMG SRC="http://k01.kn3.net/taringa/1/3/2/2/0/4/27/the_mima/C36.gif?3088"></html> \n\n\n[[Return to existence|"I'm having a hard time believing you."]]\n[[Give up. Ugh. I can't deal with this rn.|Start]]

Giovanni's staring into my eyes like he's scanning my soul and looking at my fucking internet history or something.\n\nFuck.\n\nWhat do I do?\n\n[[Talk about movies]]\n\nor\n\n[[Try to sneak out of the bar]]

What the hell is going on with my life right now?\n\n[[Start]]

I land with a thump against a wall and hit my head. FUCK that hurt. "Fuck," I mutter underneath my breath. I go to stand up, but my feet get caught in fabric.\n\nLooking down, my clothes are fucking gone. Well, not gone gone, but gone. I'm not naked, but this shit is not mine. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY JACKET. THE POISON PATCH IS GONE.\n\nInstead, I've got this old as hell dress on. It fucking hangs off my body like curtains with this shitty, stiff fabric. Like if someone pulled it aside they might find a window beneath. It looks like something your grandma has stuffed into the back of her closet.\n\nWhat the fuck did I take?\n\n[[Nothing. I have taken nothing.]]

Yeah, yeah I fucking do know what's going to happen to you.\n\n[["I'm having a hard time believing you."]]\n[[Wow, super.]]\n

What did I take?\n[[Nothing. I have taken nothing.]]

BAILEY\nCLAIRE\nSAMANTHA

"Who?" I ask, looking him up and down.\n\nHe is so gay, and so uncomfortable.\n\n[["Those ones screaming like parrots over there."]]\n

Why would you even lie about something like that? God, I don't even know where to fucking start with you. Why are such an impulsive fuck? I'm starting to think your book is a piece of shit.\n\n[["My book?"]]\n\n

I guess I should start doing some actual work eventually. I did JUST get my job back. Even if it fucking sucks.\n\n*pick up the book*\n\nIt's Giovanni's Room. It's open to the first bar scene but, fuck that. I roll my eyes and I'm about to put the book back on the shelf when I hear something. It sounds like it's coming from the book.\n\nReally quickly, I think back to the last time I took something. I haven't really taken anything except for my hormones for weeks, so it's not like I'm taking hallucinogens. I'm actually going crazy this time.\n\n[[Lean into the book to listen closely.]]\n\n[[Put the book away.]]