BYU Married Life

Monday morning. Alarm goes off at 6:30. You haven't slept as much as you'd like--your husband worked until 11 last night and you stayed up with him for an hour after he got home. You know you should wake up. You've got plenty to do: your homework isn't quite finished, you should work out, the apartment could use some cleaning, etc. But you are still tired, and hubby is feeling snuggly. Do you... [[Get out of bed. It's time to start the day!]] [[Hit snooze a couple of times, but leave yourself a half hour to get ready.]] [[Roll toward husband, cuddle up, and go right on back to sleep]]

Go you! You throw on your running shoes and hit the gym. The only plus to living so far away from campus is your proximity to the rec center, which happens to be pretty reasonably priced. Both you and your husband feel awake and refreshed after your workout, and get home with plenty of time to read that last chapter before heading to school. [[next->So much for FHE ]]

Maybe thirty minutes isn't quite as long as you pillow talked yourself into. Quick shower, no makeup, and you borrowed your husband's sweatshirt. He's a sweetheart and made breakfast. You mutually agree that both of you should have graduated two years ago. [[next->So much for FHE ]]

Good news: you had a blissful two hours of sleepily snuggling with your husband. You know that you won't see him until 11pm when his shift ends, so this is pretty much your only time together today. That doesn't stop you from stressing out when you realize that class starts in 30 minutes. No time to shower, and the bus has left you behind. You definitely don't have enough money for an apartment close enough to walk to campus, especially when you're running late. Your husband offers to give you a ride, but your stress is negatively affecting both of you: you're annoyed, he's yelling at other drivers, and you both find plenty to complain about. The sleepy glow from this morning seems pretty thoroughly gone. [[next->So much for FHE ]]

Monday Night Sure, you served in two different wards as the FHE coordinator. Call it ironic that your own Monday night is just you--husband went to work two hours before your shift ended and won't be back until 6 hours you get home. Do you... [[Have yourself a productive little evening. Get your homework done, eat something healthy for dinner, and text your husband regularly to remind him that you love him.]] [[Call up some friends! You don't have to spend the night alone.]] [[Ignore your homework, make some ramen, and wait for husband to come home. Sure, you've got some amount of homework. But you don't feel like doing anything when your husband isn't around.]]

Congratulations! Turns out the reading for tomorrow didn't even take that long. One hour of homework and you're free to enjoy that broccoli and chicken with an epidsode of something on the BBC (bless Amazon Prime). You know your class starts early tomorrow, so you head to bed early. Husband wakes you up when he comes in to kiss you goodnight, and you only sleep all the better for it. [[next->Forgot your headphones again? ]]

HAHAHAHA. Nice try. As you flip through your contacts, you remember that hanging out with your single friends has been awkward ever since you got married, and you still haven't figured out the "couple friends" dynamic, especially since your couple is one member short. You awkwardly try to text a couple of people, but with poor results. Your failed attempt at social interaction has put you entirely out of the mood to do your homework, so you put it off--maybe an episode or five of //The Office// will make you feel a little less pathetic. [[next->Forgot your headphones again? ]]

You're pretty mopey by the time he walks in. You also realize that you enjoy //The Office// considerably less when you watch it by yourself. [[next->Forgot your headphones again? ]]

Tuesday morning. Of your three jobs, you can't make it through this one without Spotify. Especially since you finally decided that you would definitely pay $10/month to stop hearing the same ads over and over again. But you've got to be able to plug that music in, and you didn't bring your headphones today. Husband is in class, but it ends soon. You know his lunch window is pretty small, but you really, //really// want those headphones. Do you.... [[Call him?]] [[Leave him alone. He's got his own stuff to worry about, and this is good motivation to remember your headphones tomorrow.]]

He answered right away. Not only does he bring the headphones, he brings candy. He's working late again tonight, so these three minutes were nice. Plus now you get to tell him your awkward [[ring check story]] from ealier. [[next->Surprise! ]]

Probably a solid choice. It's always a little uncomfortable when he has to come looking for you at work--both of you still feel weird every time he has to say "Um...I'm here for my wife?", like after almost a year you're still not used to the word. [[next->Surprise! ]]

Tuesday afternoon. Turns out Husband has tonight off! You suddenly find yourself with hours and hours of spouse time. You have a couple of date night ideas you've been putting off, but you're also tired (because you're always tired). Do you... [[Use those movie ticket vouchers your husband got from work as a Christmas bonus? Everyone keeps telling you how good //La La Land// is, and apparently that Lego Batman movie isn't awful either.]] [[Interact with other human beings? Your siblings and his have all been reminding you that you are always welcome at their home (a thinly veiled demand that you help them distract their children and provide them with adult conversation), and you're still enthusiastic about trying that whole "couple date" thing.]] [[Stay in. Your favorite Chinese place delivers, and it's delicious enough to sacrifice $30. Vidangel still isn't working, though, so if you want to watch something new you'll have to hunt through Amazon or try your luck at a Redbox.]]

Good date! The movie was amazing, and now you can't stop talking about it. Add this one to pleasant couple memories. [[next->Laundry time]]

You finally called up your friends and made those plans you planned to make two months ago. Turns out couple friending is a lot less awkwawrd than you thought, but you still feel a little uncomfortable. Your husband says you got a little too competative during the last round of //Boggle//. It might be a little while before you try double dating again. [[next->Laundry time]]

You didn't plan ahead of time for the hour wait that delivery takes. But the ho fun noodles were particularly yummy tonight. You killed the wait time with some casual homework and cleaning up the kitchen. Reruns of //Lost//, fortune cookies, and a semi-early night. Good date. [[next->Laundry time]]

Wednesday night. Whites hamper is full, colored hamper is overflowing. You know that your apartment's laundry machines aren't capable of washing half of one of those hampers without malfunctioning, and the dryer will leave the load damp no matter how many quarters you feed it--yet another glamorous side effect of paying less than $600 monthly for rent (that's due soon, by the way--don't forget). Do you... [[Split up the loads and spend the night washing load after load of laundry.]] [[Pack up the car and drive the laundry to your sister-in-law's house.]] [[Put it off until tomorrow.]]

So. Many. Quarters! You had to ask for your $20 cash back in quarters when you ran to Smith's for a pack of gum (it would be rude to ask for quarters without buying //something//. You eat up 4 hours just washing clothes, and then a while longer folding. Putting everything back in its proper drawer seems like so much work... [[next->Rent time]]

She's cool with you using her machines (which are free and actually dry the entire load the first time--even the waistband on pairs of jeans). You love watching how your husband lights up with his niece and nephew. It makes you think about your many, many conversations about when you'll have your own [[kids]]. Clothes get clean, you had a great conversation with your sister-in-law about her next house decorating project, and Husband got to watch a sports game on real cable, on a television screen actually larger than a computer monitor. [[next->Rent time]]

Laundry, schmaundry. You end up really regretting this tomorrow when you realize that all of your work pants are dirty and you have to wear a skirt. Bummer it's not that peusdo Spring week anymore. #burrrrr [[next->Rent time]]

Ugh. This one is tricky. On the one hand, you feel really enthusiastic about starting a family. You're certainly receiving enough implied pressure from your parents, his parents, yours/his siblings, your friends, and basically everyone you run into who realizes you're a young married Mormon couple. On the other hand, you really want to finish school before having a baby. You know how tired and stressed you already are trying to balance school, work (times three), and everything else. There's already so many areas you feel you are failing in--when's the last time you had a scripture study that both of you were awake for? It doesn't seem fair to your potential baby to bring her (because the first one is a her, you've settled on that) into such a hectic life style. That doesn't stop your heart from breaking just a little when you see other mothers with their children, or you think about those three negative pregancy tests, or you catch your husband saying AWWWWWWW at a baby video on Youtube.

Today's the 5th, which means it's your last day to get your rent check to your landlady. Your husband's wages are the ones that really pay the bills (which makes no sense because, again, three jobs), and he doesn't get paid until the weekend. Your checking account is a little low for that rent check. Do you... [[Calmly transfer money from your emergency savings account and pay your rent with confidence.->freak out.]] [[Begrudgingly move money from your savings account and regret not planning better.->freak out.]] [[Freak out about money (again).->freak out.]] Don't forget, after you pay the rent you still need to take care of gas and electric [[utilities]].

Yeah, there's no getting around freaking out. You are still uncomfortable with feeling like you are floundering financially. You know that your husband is working hard, and you know that you are working hard. You don't see very many cases of superflous spending in your life--honestly, you've fallen into a pattern of telling yourself that you can't afford anything at all. The strain you feel from so much self denial--even cutting out purchases that are necessary in order to avoid spending money--has led you on more than one occasion to become annoyed with your husband when spends in a way you deem frivolous. Money problems tend to lead to tense evenings in your little apartment. But it's yours for another month. See what I meant about [[kids]]? [[next->Saturday. ]]

Saturday Night. You just finished an eight hour shift. Husband won't be home for five hours. It's a familiar story, and you laugh a little ironically when you hear people discuss exciting weekend plans. It reminds you of this fun [[debate]] you had just earlier this week. Homework is done, dinner is done. Do you... [[Go to the gym?]] [[Netflix?]] [[Get out of the house?]]

You keep hearing single students complain about how they feel as though they are being made inferior to married students at BYU. You don't discount the feelings--you were single for longer than you enjoyed, and you remember feeling the same way. At the same time, you never imagined how isolated you would feel as a married student. You never thought it would be almost embarrassing to identify yourself as someone's wife, because it would inevitably shut down whatever conversation you were having. You miss paying your single housing rent (which was significantly less than half of your married rent), you miss being able to attend social events alone (not that you don't want the company, just that the company is so often unavailable). You miss feeling comfortable with your classmates. BYU culture didn't prepare you with how lonely you would feel after you got married. Rather than being included in some sort of inner sanctum, you feel left out in the cold. And your past single self says, Oh, boo hoo. At least you've got a husband.

Good on you. But you still feel awkward being here alone: the free weights section is overrun with men, most of whom keep giving you this look like "Honey, go back to your Zumba class." Squats and bench press are the worst--at least when your husband is spotting you, you can tell yourself that the only person watching you is him. Now it feels like everyone's eyes are on you, and they're all judging. Your feminist side hates you for not being able to feel comfortable without a man to teather yourself to. That doesn't make you any less uncomfortable in your manlessness. [[next->Sweet Sabbath]]

//Bones// season 1 is so much better than you remember! Add in your sewing machine and that random 5 minute Facetime with your husband and, frankly, this wasn't that bad of an evening. [[next->Sweet Sabbath]]

Nope. Husband has the car. Go back and try again.

Attending a family ward with your husband isn't quite the same as attending a family ward with your //family//. And that's weird, right? You still don't know very many people in this ward, and sometimes people ask if you just moved in, despite the fact that you've been here for 10 months. You don't have a baby yet ([[kids]]!) so you're probably not very memorable.At least your husband isn't working today. Stressful as the week was, you're grateful for today. You're grateful for the time and all eternity promise of your marriage, and you're looking forward to it. You're really looking forward to the parts outside of Provo.

People kept telling us that our utilities will even out--gas is expensive in the winter, electric is expensive in the summer. However, owing to our extreme differences in opinion about the proper temperature of our apartment, they're both pretty much just expensive all the time. When we lived in student housing (when we were single), utilities were $6.50 a month. Now they're closer to $90.

So, once again, some abitious sophomore got his flirty face on. This is what happens when you wear your makeup and clothes that actually fit you. Conversation went (and always goes like this): Kid: Flirty opening line. Me: Kind, but not encouraging, remark. Kid: (picks up kindness as encouragment) Draws closer and continues to flirt. Me: Awkwardly shuts down conversation. Kid: Glances quickly but distinctly at my left hand. Hurries to leave. Me: Yep. Laughs inwardly and makes mental note to tell husband.