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<center>I started to make a game about <<linkreplace "loneliness." t8n>>loneliness.\
Then I remember I hadn’t showered in a few days. <<linkreplace "Or brushed my teeth." t8n>>Or brushed my teeth.\
I wondered what it meant to spend so much time <<linkreplace "alone." t8n>>alone.\
A person doesn’t need to talk to anyone to [[survive]] anymore.
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I started to make a <<linkreplace "game." t8n>>game about loneliness.\
I can go days without speaking.
I order my groceries <<linkreplace "online." t8n>>online.\
They drop them off at my door as <<linkreplace "instructed." t8n>>instructed.\
Inside me there is a strong aversion to clocks and mirrors, <<linkreplace "for reasons you can probably guess." t8n>>for reasons.\
I tell the time by the shadows cast from the blinds on my window. I prefer not to [[look]] at myself.
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<<linkreplace "I started to make" t8n>>I started to make a game about loneliness.
There is a picture of a <<linkreplace "dying succulent" t8n>>dying succulent on my tinder profile and
<<linkreplace "nothing else." t8n>>nothing else. \
I feel like I am dying some days. Some days I just feel like <<linkreplace "I should be dying." t8n>>I should be dying. \
My therapist echoes in my head. “Just show up, just show up,” but I have nowhere to <<linkreplace "be." t8n>>be. \
My psychiatrist increases my antidepressant, and UP UP UP WE <<linkreplace "GO." t8n>> GO.\
For a week, my head buzzes as I glide through life as if on ice skates. I am the smartest, funniest, most interesting person in the world <<linkreplace "until…" t8n>>until... \
SPLAT I fall flat on [[my face.]]
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<<linkreplace "I started" t8n>>I started \
to make a game about loneliness.
I wanted to make sure the ending was good and hopeful, cheerful, positive, but I’m just <<linkreplace "not in the mood." t8n>>not in the mood. \
There is mold growing around my windowsill. The [[blackness is starting to creep in.]]
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<<linkreplace "I started to make a game about loneliness." t8n >> \
And to be a game, the player must make a choice.
[[So I open the blinds to let the sun in.]]
[[So I turn off the lights and go to sleep.]]
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"The days aren't discarded or
collected, they are bees
that burned with sweetness or
maddened
the sting: the struggle continues,
the journeys go and come
between honey and pain."
--Pablo Neruda, [[Still Another Day->End.]]
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Tomorrow is another day, [[afterall->End.]].
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<a href="http://www.dcsross.com">My Website </a>
<a href="http://www.patreon.com/dcsross">My Patreon</a>
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Music by: <a href="http://www.pipechoir.com">P C III</a>
Using an <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/"> Attribution License</a><<audio mainsong play>>
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A GAME ABOUT LONELINESS (that is actually a poem.)
[[Start]]
</center><<cacheaudio "mainsong" "music/bluesky.mp3">>