Sugarcane

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Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_selfie_read_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou read a book.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You could make some edits to the book you wrote last year|C1D3_edit_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[It might be fun to chat with a distant friend on Skype.|C1D3_chat_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D3_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_shower_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read_shower_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_clutter_shower_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[It might be fun to chat with a long-distance friend on Skype.|C1D3_edit_chat][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D3_edit_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D3_edit_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou edited your book.

Cycle 2, Day 4\n\nToday feels like a lifting of the clouds. That's paired with a lifting of the literal clouds, and you're itching to make the most of it. Perhaps it's ambitious, but you decide to walk a mile to the park and enjoy the ambient sounds of hipsters playing banjos.\n\nYour legs are rusty with disuse. Your heart pounds every time you hit a gentle incline (and most of the inclines on your walk are far from gentle). You realise how much muscle you've lost, between resting after surgery and the exhaustion of chemo. But your blood is pumping; you feel alive.\n\nYou brought a book to the park, but you don't read much. Mostly you lie on your blanket in the dappled shade and breathe in the air. Your mind is quiet.\n\nBy the time you've walked home your feet hurt like buggery and there's time for one chore. Your partner's not home.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day1][$days_since_shower += 1; $days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou did the laundry.\nThe shower and the dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day4][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou chatted with a friend.\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_selfie_read_shower_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_selfie_clutter_shower_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_dishes += 1; $days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou played a game.\nThe shower, the dishes, <<if $laundry neq "done">>the bill, and the laundry <<else>>and the bill<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.\nYour partner did the laundry.\nThe shower and the bill will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n\nThe first day is over; that wasn't so bad. [[Time for bed.|Cycle1Day2]]\n\nYou picked up a prescription.\nYou made sure to eat and drink.\nYou hung out with your friend.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day4][$days_since_dishes +=1]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYou did the laundry.\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_dishes += 1; $days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou paid a bill.\nYour partner did the laundry.\nThe dishes and the shower will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your partner wants to play a board game.|C3D1_game_partner_bill][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D1_shower_partner_bill][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C3D1_dishes_partner_bill][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n<<if $laundry neq "done">>[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C3D1_partner_bill_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]<<endif>>\n\nYour partner paid a bill.

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Work on novel|C3D4_novel_bill][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D4_shower_bill][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C3D4_dishes_bill][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou paid a bill.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_read][$shame -= 1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_read_clutter][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_read_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_read_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou read a book.

The Day After Chemo

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day4][$days_since_laundry +=1]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner washed the dishes.\nThe laundry will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_clutter][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read_clutter][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_clutter_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_clutter_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou picked up the clutter.\n

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D4_novel_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C3D4_novel_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>[[<<display 'bill'>>|C3D4_novel_bill][$bill to "paid"]]<<endif>>\n\nYou worked on your novel.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_selfie_clutter_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower<<if $laundry neq "done">>, the bill, and the laundry <<else>> and the bill<<endif>> will have to wait.

The Day After Chemo\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>\n<<set $days_since_bill +=1>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_bill>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>><<display 'shower'>>\n<<timedcontinue 2s>><<display 'dishes'>><<if $bill neq "paid">>\n<<timedcontinue 2s>><<display 'bill'>><<endif>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>><<display 'shame'>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>But you feel great.\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>Not objectively great, of course. Just, you know, compared to the ordeal you just went through.\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>It's over.\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>This is the Day After.\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>What should you do?\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>[[You start to make a Twine game about your experiences.|Thanks]]

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_friend_shower_partner_laundry][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D3_friend_dishes_partner_laundry][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYour partner did the laundry.

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|DayAfter][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>The bill will have to wait.<<endif>>

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner paid a bill.\nThe dishes<<if $laundry neq "done">> and the laundry<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_read_clutter_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou read a book.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou took a shower.

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Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n\n[[You need to pick up a prescription.|C1D1_prescription_friend]]\n[[You need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D1_eat_friend]]\n\nYou hung out with your friend.

Thank you for playing.\n\nThis has been an autobiographical game about my experiences going through chemotherapy after a breast cancer diagnosis. To find out more about me, follow me on [[Twitter|https://twitter.com/cyndisision]] or [[Tumblr|http://cyndisision.tumblr.com/]].\n\nSpecial thanks to John Ochs for playtesting. (And for washing all those dishes!)\n\n

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner washed the dishes.\nThe bill<<if $laundry neq "done">> and the laundry<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 4\n\nToday feels like a lifting of the clouds. That's paired with a lifting of the literal clouds, and you're itching to make the most of it. Perhaps it's ambitious, but you decide to walk a mile to the park and enjoy the ambient sounds of hipsters playing banjos.\n\nYour legs are rusty with disuse. Your heart pounds every time you hit a gentle incline (and most of the inclines on your walk are far from gentle). You realise how much muscle you've lost, between resting after surgery and the exhaustion of chemo. But your blood is pumping; you feel alive.\n\nYou brought a book to the park, but you don't read much. Mostly you lie on your blanket in the dappled shade and breathe in the air. Your mind is quiet.\n\nBy the time you've walked home your feet hurt like buggery and there's time for one chore. Your partner's not home.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day1][$days_since_shower +=1]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower<<if $laundry neq "done">> and the laundry<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day4][$days_since_dishes +=1]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner did the laundry.\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_selfie_read_shower][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_selfie_clutter_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_selfie_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|DayAfter][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.\nYou paid a bill.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day4][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou chatted with a friend.\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n.\n[[You could hang out with your friend before they go home.|C1D1_prescription_eat_friend]]\n\nYou picked up a prescription.\nYou made sure to eat and drink

Cycle 2, Day 2\n\nToday's a nothingy kind of day. You feel okay enough to do something, as long as it requires almost no energy on your part.\n\nThere's one good thing, at least: your hair is no longer patchy, it's just... bald. Which is actually not that bad a look on you (people are complimenting you on your head shape), it's just you'd probably like it much better if you'd been able to choose it for yourself.\n\nAs usual, there are more things to do than energy to do them. You could ask your partner for help with something, which would be embarrassing in the short run, but stop things from piling up.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day3][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|DayAfter][$days_since_shower += 1; $days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou worked on your novel.\nYou paid a bill.\nThe shower and the dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_clutter_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read_clutter_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_clutter_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou washed the dishes.\n

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Work on novel|C3D4_novel_shower][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C3D4_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>[[<<display 'bill'>>|C3D4_shower_bill][$bill to "paid"]]<<endif>>\n\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_dishes][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D3_dishes_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_clutter_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read_clutter_shower][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_clutter_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou ppicked up the clutter.\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_partner_laundry][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_shower_partner_laundry][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D3_dishes_partner_laundry][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYour partner did the laundry.

body {\n\tbackground-color: #8CD5F4\n\t\n\t\n}\n.passage {\n\tfont-size: large\n\t\n\t \n}\n.passage {\n\tcolor: #000000; !important\n\t\n\t \n}\n.passage a {\n\t/* This affects passage links */\n\t\n\t\n}\n.passage a:hover {\n\t/* This affects links while the cursor is over them */\n\t\n\t\n}\n.revision-span-in {\n\topacity: 0;\n}\n.revision-span:not(.revision-span-out) {\n\ttransition: 1s; -webkit-transition: 1s;\n}\n.revision-span-out {\n\tposition:absolute;\n\topacity: 0;\n}\n\n.selfcare {\n color:#AD73FF;\n}\n\n.support {\n color:#C9FF73;\n}\n\n.chaos {\n color:#FFBD73;\n}\n\n.selfcare {\n color:#3C29A6;\n}\n\n.support {\n color:#43A623;\n}\n\n.chaos {\n color:#A66823;\n}\n\n.shame1 {\n color:#FFCCCC\n}\n\n.shame2 {\n color:#FF9999\n}\n\n.shame3 {\n color:#FF6666\n}\n\n.shame4 {\n color:#FF5050\n}\n\n.shame5 {\n color:#CC0000\n}

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1; $days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou paid a bill.\nThe shower<<if $laundry neq "done">>, the dishes, and the laundry <<else>> and the dishes<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_selfie_read_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou read a book.\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day1]]\n\nYou read a book.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_read_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_read_clutter_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_read_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou read a book.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_partner_dishes][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_shower_partner_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D3_partner_dishes_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]\n\nYour partner washed the dishes.

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Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day3][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou made sure to eat and drink.\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n\n[[You need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D2_eat_shower]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D2_shower_try_dishes]]\n\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_read_clutter_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_read_clutter_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou read a book.\nYou picked up the clutter.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read_shower][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_clutter_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. <<set $shame += 3>>\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_clutter][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]

Cycle 1, Day 3\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[You could make some edits to the book you wrote last year|C1D3_edit][$shame -= 1]]\n[[It might be fun to chat with a long-distance friend on Skype.|C1D3_chat][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D3_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D3_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]

Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[You need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D2_eat]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D2_shower]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D2_dishes]]

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Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_shower_partner_dishes][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D3_shower_partner_dishes_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day1]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 3, Day 4\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>\n<<set $days_since_bill +=1>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_bill>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[Work on novel|C3D4_novel][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D4_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C3D4_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>[[<<display 'bill'>>|C3D4_bill][$bill to "paid"]]<<endif>>

Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n\n[[You need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D1_prescription_eat_friend]]\n\nYou picked up a prescription.\nYou hung out with your friend.

Jess Downs

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_partner_dishes_laundry][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_shower_partner_dishes_laundry][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYour partner washed the dishes.\nYou did the laundry.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_selfie_read_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_selfie_clutter_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_selfie_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day4][$days_since_shower +=1]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYour partner washed the dishes.\nYou did thelaundry.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n\nYou feel like you can only manage one more thing, and [[you still need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D2_eat_shower]]\n\nYou took a shower\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day4][$days_since_laundry +=1]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe laundry will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n\nYou feel like you can only manage one more thing, and [[you still need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D2_eat_dishes]]\n\nThe shower will have to wait.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day4][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou edited your book.\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Today's the day.\n\n\n<<timedreplace 2s>>You don't feel sick yet. <<becomes>>Why are you doing this if you don't feel sick? <<becomes>>You don't feel sick yet.<<endtimedreplace>> <<timedcontinue 6s>>You're pretty sure they already cut out all the cancer, but they recommend <<timedreplace 1s>>chemo <<becomes>>poison <<becomes>>chemo<<endtimedreplace>> <<timedcontinue 4s>>to improve your long-term survival chances.\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>You've <<replace "cleaned the apartment.">>done the dishes, changed the sheets, made sure you have plenty of clean clothes. You know you won't feel up to it for a while, so you may as well start with a clean slate.<<endreplace>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>You eat <<replace "a good breakfast.">>cereal, fruit juice and eggs. Everyone stresses to you that you need to take care of yourself. Yesterday, you had your last cup of coffee for three months. The morning doesn't feel quite right without it.<<endreplace>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s >>You go to the treatment center with <<replace "your friends.">>your partner, who feels out of their depth with all this, and your close friend, who's recovered from a serious injury and knows what it's like to have your whole life medicalized.<<endreplace>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 2s >>You sit down in [[the chemo chair.|Cycle1Day1]]\n<<set $days_since_shower to 0>> <<set $days_since_dishes to 0>> <<set $shame to 0>>

<<timedcontinue 7s>>\n\nWhere are you?\n\n<<timedcontinue 4s>>\nHow long have you been here?\n\n<<timedcontinue 4s>>\nWhy can't you see?\n\n<<timedcontinue 4s>>\nSlowly, your vision returns.\n\n<<timedcontinue 4s>>\nYou would be panicking right now, if you didn't feel so distant from your body. Your brain is full of a tumult of strange imagery that you can't quite remember. It can't have been that long since you lay down, because you are still wet from the shower. You didn't finish washing, but that hardly seems worth thinking about right now.\n\nYou struggle into a robe and go lie down on your bed. [[You're done for the day.|Cycle3Day4]]

Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n\n[[You need to pick up a prescription.|C1D1_prescription_eat]]\n[[You could hang out with your friend before they go home.|C1D1_eat_friend]]\n\nYou made sure to eat and drink.

Cycle 3, Day 3\n\n\nThis was a mistake.\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>\nYou are trembling.\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>\nYour vision prickles with black dots.\n<<timedcontinue 2s>>\nYou turn off the water and [[lie down in the bathtub|C3D3_shower2]].

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day4][$days_since_shower += 1; $days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou edited your book.\nYou chatted with a friend.\nThe shower and the dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_dishes += 1; $days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou played a game.\nYour partner did the laundry.\nThe shower, the dishes, and the bill will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 2\n\nToday's a nothingy kind of day. You feel okay enough to do something, as long as it requires almost no energy on your part.\n\nThere's one good thing, at least: your hair is no longer patchy, it's just... bald. Which is actually not that bad a look on you (people are complimenting you on your head shape), it's just you'd probably like it much better if you'd been able to choose it for yourself.\n\nAs usual, there are more things to do than energy to do them. You could ask your partner for help with something, which would be embarrassing in the short run, but stop things from piling up.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day3][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<if $laundry neq "done">>\n<<set $days_since_laundry +=1>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_laundry>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[Your partner wants to play a board game.|C3D1_game][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D1_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C3D1_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]] (Or [[ask your partner to wash the dishes.|C3D1_partner_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0; $shame +=1]])\n[[<<display 'bill'>>|C3D1_bill][$bill to "paid"]] (Or [[ask your partner to pay the bill.|C3D1_partner_bill][$bill to "paid"; $shame +=1]])\n<<if $laundry neq "done">>[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C3D1_laundry][$laundry to "done"]] (Or [[ask your partner for help with the laundry.|C3D1_partner_laundry][$laundry to "done"; $shame +=1]])<<endif>>

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You could make some edits to the book you wrote last year|C1D3_edit_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[It might be fun to chat with a long-distance friend on Skype.|C1D3_chat_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D3_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 3, Day 3\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>\n<<set $days_since_bill +=1>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_bill>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nYou feel gross. Night sweats have left you covered in a film of slime. You're glad you don't have hair because right now it would be the greasiest.\n\nYou decide you're taking a shower, and your partner can take care of the rest.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[Ask your partner to wash the dishes.|C3D3_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0; $shame += 1]]\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>[[Ask your partner to pay the bill.|C3D3_bill][$bill to "paid"; $shame +=1]]<<endif>>

Cycle 3, Day 2\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<if $laundry neq "done">>\n<<set $days_since_laundry +=1>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_laundry>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>\n<<set $days_since_bill +=1>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_bill>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nLast time you felt this bad, you spent half the day watching X-Files and the other half staring at the inside of your eyelids in a fitful doze.\n\nThis time, you have a doctor's appointment, so you try and make yourself fit to go outdoors. You're shaking with hunger, but you can barely eat.\n\nHalfway from your apartment to the cab outside, your legs and your vision give way. You find yourself clutching the wall for dear life. You lie in the back of the cab and watch the tops of the buildings float by in a surreal haze.\n\nThe nurse takes your blood pressure: 58/42.\n\n"That's... not a blood pressure," you say.\n\nIn the "good news" column, Your friend comes over to help you with some chores.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day3][$days_since_dishes += 0; $days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYour friend washed the dishes.<<set $shame +=1>>\n<><<if $laundry neq "done">>Your friend did the laundry. <<set $shame +=1>><<endif>><<endnobr>>\nThe shower <<if $bill neq "paid">>and the bill <<endif>>will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_selfie_read][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_selfie_clutter][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_selfie_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_selfie_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_selfie_clutter_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_selfie_clutter_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou picked up the clutter.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day1]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou read a book.\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 2, Day 2\n\nToday's a nothingy kind of day. You feel okay enough to do something, as long as it requires almost no energy on your part.\n\nThere's one good thing, at least: your hair is no longer patchy, it's just... bald. Which is actually not that bad a look on you (people are complimenting you on your head shape), it's just you'd probably like it much better if you'd been able to choose it for yourself.\n\nAs usual, there are more things to do than energy to do them. You could ask your partner for help with something, which would be embarrassing in the short run, but stop things from piling up.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[There's an unfinished knitting project.|C2D2_partner_dishes_knitting][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D2_partner_dishes_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n\n[[You need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D1_prescription_eat]]\n[[You could hang out with your friend before they go home.|C1D1_prescription_friend]]\n\nYou picked up a prescription.

The main considerations for testing are:\n\nDo all the links work?\nDoes shame accrue correctly for each action?\nDoes the shame scale work? The aim is to make it possible to finish the game without reaching overwhelming shame.\n\n\nMinor considerations:\n\nIs all the text the right color?\n\t- Selfcare (purple) is for things that makes you feel better about yourself: editing, knitting, playing a game, etc.\n\t- Chaos (orange) is for things that need keeping under control: shower, dishes, laundry, bill, etc.\n\t- Support (green) is your partner and your friend.\n\nText bugs (typos, spelling, layout).\nDuring Cycle 3, Day 3 (the shower incident), does the text take too long to appear on the black screen? (ie. does the player start thinking the game has broken?)

body {\n\tbackground-color: #000000\n\t\n\t\n}\n.passage {\n\tfont-size: large\n\t\n\t \n}\n.passage a {\n\t/* This affects passage links */\n\t\n\t\n}\n.passage a:hover {\n\t/* This affects links while the cursor is over them */\n\t\n\t\n}\n.revision-span-in {\n\topacity: 0;\n}\n.revision-span:not(.revision-span-out) {\n\ttransition: 1s; -webkit-transition: 1s;\n}\n.revision-span-out {\n\tposition:absolute;\n\topacity: 0;\n}\n\n.wake1 {\n color:#404040\n}\n\n.wake2 {\n color:#666666\n}\n\n.wake3 {\n color:#999999\n}

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|DayAfter][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>The bill will have to wait.<<endif>>

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_read_clutter_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou read a book.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner did the laundry.\nThe dishes and the bill will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 2\n\nToday's a nothingy kind of day. You feel okay enough to do something, as long as it requires almost no energy on your part.\n\nThere's one good thing, at least: your hair is no longer patchy, it's just... bald. Which is actually not that bad a look on you (people are complimenting you on your head shape), it's just you'd probably like it much better if you'd been able to choose it for yourself.\n\nAs usual, there are more things to do than energy to do them. You could ask your partner for help with something, which would be embarrassing in the short run, but stop things from piling up.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day3][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou did some knitting.\nYour partner washed the dishes.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_friend_shower_partner_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D3_friend_partner_dishes_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYour partner washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day3][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou made sure to eat and drink.\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day4][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou edited your book.\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day4][$days_since_shower +=1]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYou washed thedishes.\nYour partner did the laundry.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_clutter_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n\n[[You need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D2_eat_dishes]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D2_dishes_try_shower]]\n\n\nYou washed the dishes.

<>\n<<if $days_since_bill is 0>>\nA bill came in.\n<<elseif $days_since_bill is 1>>\nThat bill still needs paying.\n<<elseif $days_since_bill > 1>>\nThe bill is past due.\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.\nYour partner paid a bill.\nThe shower<<if $laundry neq "done">> and the laundry<<endif>> will have to wait.

<>\n<<if $days_since_shower is 0>>\nYou need to take a shower.\n<<elseif $days_since_shower is 1>>\nYou really need to take a shower.\n<<elseif $days_since_shower > 1>>\nHow long has it been since you took a shower?\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>

Cycle 3, Day 3\n\n\nYou feel gross. Night sweats have left you covered in a film of slime. You're glad you don't have hair because right now it would be the greasiest.\n\nYou decide you're taking a shower, and your partner can take care of the rest.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D3_shower1]]\n\nYour partner paid a bill.\nThe dishes can wait.<<set $days_since_dishes += 1>>

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day1][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou read a book.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1; $days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYour partner paid a bill.\nYou did the laundry.\nThe shower and the dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Work on novel|C3D4_novel_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D4_shower_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>[[<<display 'bill'>>|C3D4_dishes_bill][$bill to "paid"]]<<endif>>\n\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou read a book.\nYou picked up the clutter.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou played a game.\nYour washed the dishes.\nThe shower, <<if $laundry neq "done">>the bill, and the laundry <<else>>and the bill<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day4][$days_since_dishes += 1; $days_since_laundry +=1]]\n\nYou visited with your friend.\nYou took a shower.\nThe laundry and the dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_friend_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D3_friend_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]] (Or [[ask your partner for help with the dishes.|C2D3_friend_partner_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0; $shame +=1]])\n[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D3_friend_laundry][$laundry = "done"]] (Or [[ask your partner for help with the laundry.|C2D3_friend_partner_laundry][$laundry = "done"; $shame += 1]])\n\nYou visited with your friend.

Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n\n[[You need to pick up a prescription.|C1D1_prescription_eat_friend]]\n\nYou made sure to eat and drink.\nYou hung out with your friend.

<>\n<<if $shame <= 3>>\nYou don't feel much shame about the chaos in your life.\n<<elseif $shame >= 4 and $shame <= 9>>\nYou feel a little shame about the chaos in your life.\n<<elseif $shame >= 10 and $shame <= 21>>\nYou feel some shame about the chaos in your life.\n<<elseif $shame >= 22 and $shame <= 45>>\nYou feel a lot of shame about the chaos in your life.\n<<elseif $shame >= 46>>\nYou feel overwhelming shame about the chaos in your life.\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D4_selfie_read_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_selfie_read_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou read a book.

Cycle 1, Day 1.\n\n\nYour partner and your friend bring you back from the treatment center tired and wobbly. You're still riding on the steroids they used to pre-medicate you, so you know the worst hasn't hit you yet. Sleep beckons, but there are things to do. \n<<timedcontinue 6s >>\n[[You need to pick up a prescription.|C1D1_prescription]]\n[[You need to get enough to eat and drink.|C1D1_eat]]\n[[You could hang out with your friend before they go home.|C1D1_friend]]

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_read_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_read_clutter_shower][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_read_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou read a book.\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your partner wants to play a board game.|C3D1_game_partner_laundry][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D1_shower_partner_laundry][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C3D1_dishes_partner_laundry][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n[[<<display 'bill'>>|C3D1_bill_partner_laundry][$bill to "paid"]]\n\nYour partner did the laundry.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_selfie_read_clutter_shower][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D4_selfie_clutter_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle1Day4]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

<>\n<<if $days_since_dishes is 0>>\nThe dishes need washing.\n<<elseif $days_since_dishes is 1>>\nThe dishes are piling up.\n<<elseif $days_since_dishes > 1>>\nThere's a mountain of dishes to wash.\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1;]]\n\nYour partner washed the dishes.\nYou did the laundry.\nThe shower and the dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_dishes_partner_laundry][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_shower_dishes_partner_laundry][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n\nYou washed the dishes.\nYour partner did the laundry.

Cycle 3, Day 3\n\n\nYou feel gross. Night sweats have left you covered in a film of slime. You're glad you don't have hair because right now it would be the greasiest.\n\nYou decide you're taking a shower, and your partner can take care of the rest.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D3_shower1]]\n\nYour partner washed the dishes.\n<<if $bill neq "paid">>The bill will have to wait.<<set $days_since_bill += 1>><<endif>>

Cycle 1, Day 2\n\n\nThey said you'd feel like you had the flu for a few days. That's not quite how you'd describe it; more like you were run over by the flu. Your body aches, your guts are in turmoil, and water tastes so disgusting it's hard to stay hydrated. You only have the energy to do a couple of things today.\n\nStill, at least you don't yet feel shame about the chaos in your life.\n\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D2_eat_shower]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D2_eat_dishes]]\n\nYou made sure to eat and drink.

Cycle 2, Day 2\n\nToday's a nothingy kind of day. You feel okay enough to do something, as long as it requires almost no energy on your part.\n\nThere's one good thing, at least: your hair is no longer patchy, it's just... bald. Which is actually not that bad a look on you (people are complimenting you on your head shape), it's just you'd probably like it much better if you'd been able to choose it for yourself.\n\nAs usual, there are more things to do than energy to do them. You could ask your partner for help with something, which would be embarrassing in the short run, but stop things from piling up.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day3]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner washed the dishes.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_laundry][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_shower_laundry][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D3_dishes_laundry][$days_since_dishes to 0]] (Or [[ask your partner for help with the dishes.|C2D3_partner_dishes_laundry][$days_since_dishes to 0; $shame +=1]])\n\nYou did the laundry.

<>\n<<if $days_since_laundry is 0>>\nThe laundry needs doing.\n<<elseif $days_since_laundry is 1>>\nThe laundry is starting to smell.\n<<elseif $days_since_laundry > 1>>\nYou are totally out of clean laundry.\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|DayAfter][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou worked on your novel.\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes <<if $bill neq "paid">>and the bill <<endif>>will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_shower_partner_laundry][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D3_shower_dishes_partner_laundry][$days_since_dishes = 0]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nYour partner did the laundry.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYour partner washed the dishes.\nYou paid a bill.\nThe shower<<if $laundry neq "done">> and the laundry<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day1][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou had a laugh at your friends' replies to your coslay wig selfies.\nYou read a book.\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 4\n\nToday feels like a lifting of the clouds. That's paired with a lifting of the literal clouds, and you're itching to make the most of it. Perhaps it's ambitious, but you decide to walk a mile to the park and enjoy the ambient sounds of hipsters playing banjos.\n\nYour legs are rusty with disuse. Your heart pounds every time you hit a gentle incline (and most of the inclines on your walk are far from gentle). You realise how much muscle you've lost, between resting after surgery and the exhaustion of chemo. But your blood is pumping; you feel alive.\n\nYou brought a book to the park, but you don't read much. Mostly you lie on your blanket in the dappled shade and breathe in the air. Your mind is quiet.\n\nBy the time you've walked home your feet hurt like buggery and there's time for one chore. Your partner's not home.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day1][$days_since_dishes +=1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes<<if $laundry neq "done">> and the laundry<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 3\n\n\nCompared to yesterday, you wake up feeling almost good enough to break into a full-on musical song and dance routine. Sure, your mouth tastes like something curled up and died in it (that'll be your taste buds), but you manage to get breakfast down. Today, feeding yourself doesn't consume more energy than it gives, so you consider that a win.\n\nThen there's a doctor's appointment, and all of a sudden the big wave of energy you've been riding crests, and washes you up on your sofa like a dead jellyfish.\n\nYou think you can manage a couple more things before the end of the day though, make yourself feel like a human being again. Maybe work on some of the personal projects you've been letting slide.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You could make some edits to the book you wrote last year|C1D3_edit_chat][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C1D3_chat_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C1D3_chat_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n\nYou chatted with a friend.

Cycle 2, Day 3\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend_shower][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D3_shower_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]]\n[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D3_shower_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]\n\nYou took a shower.

Cycle 2, Day 4\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<if $laundry neq "done">>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_laundry>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nToday feels like a lifting of the clouds. That's paired with a lifting of the literal clouds, and you're itching to make the most of it. Perhaps it's ambitious, but you decide to walk a mile to the park and enjoy the ambient sounds of hipsters playing banjos.\n\nYour legs are rusty with disuse. Your heart pounds every time you hit a gentle incline (and most of the inclines on your walk are far from gentle). You realise how much muscle you've lost, between resting after surgery and the exhaustion of chemo. But your blood is pumping; you feel alive.\n\nYou brought a book to the park, but you don't read much. Mostly you lie on your blanket in the dappled shade and breathe in the air. Your mind is quiet.\n\nBy the time you've walked home your feet hurt like buggery and there's time for one chore. Your partner's not home.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D4_shower][$days_since_shower = 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D4_dishes][$days_since_dishes = 0]]\n<<if $laundry neq "done">>[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D4_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]<<endif>>

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_dishes += 1; $days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou played a game.\nYour partner paid a bill.\nThe shower, <<if $laundry neq "done">>the dishes, and the laundry <<else>>and the dishes<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_clutter_shower_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[Your shelf is groaning with books on the to-read list.|C1D4_read_clutter_shower_dishes][$shame -=1]]\n\nYou picked up the clutter.\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

Cycle 2, Day 1\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\n<<timedreplace 2s>>No. <<becomes>>Just no. <<becomes>>Are you actually dead? <<becomes>>You feel like you've been steamrollered slowly. And like they did your legs again after, just for good measure.<<endtimedreplace>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 8s>>Do something today? Are you kidding? After feeding yourself, you can just about scrape up the energy to doze in front of an [[X-Files marathon on Netflix.|Cycle2Day2][$days_since_shower +=1; $days_since_dishes +=1]]\n\nThe shower and all that crap can go screw itself.

Cycle 2, Day 2\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nToday's a nothingy kind of day. You feel okay enough to do something, as long as it requires almost no energy on your part.\n\nThere's one good thing, at least: your hair is no longer patchy, it's just... bald. Which is actually not that bad a look on you (people are complimenting you on your head shape), it's just you'd probably like it much better if you'd been able to choose it for yourself.\n\nAs usual, there are more things to do than energy to do them. You could ask your partner for help with something, which would be embarrassing in the short run, but stop things from piling up.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[There's an unfinished knitting project.|C2D2_knitting][$shame -=1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D2_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D2_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]] (Or you could [[ask your partner for help with the dishes.|C2D2_partner_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0; $shame +=1]])

Cycle 2, Day 3\n<>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_shower>>\n<<set $shame += $days_since_dishes>>\n<<endnobr>>\n\nBy some miracle, you both feel capable of going out, and unembarrassed about being seen in public! Better, an out-of-town friend you've been missing a great deal is visiting.\n\nSo many options, so little time. If you see your friend, you'll only be able to manage one other thing, but it'd be a big boost to your self-esteem. Or you could stay home and get everything done, and be sad.\n\nYour partner works today, so they'll only be able to take over one thing.\n\nAnd of course, today is the day that the laundry starts getting out of hand.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n<<timedcontinue 6s>>\n[[Go visit with your friend, of course!|C2D3_friend][$shame -=3]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C2D3_shower][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'dishes'>>|C2D3_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0]] (Or [[ask your partner for help with the dishes.|C2D3_partner_dishes][$days_since_dishes to 0; $shame +=1]])\n[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C2D3_laundry][$laundry to "done"]] (Or [[ask your partner for help with the laundry.|C2D3_partner_laundry][$laundry to "done"; $shame +=1]])

Actions:\n\n- Doing a chaos (orange) action sets $days_since_action to 0\n- Asking for support (green), ie. asking your partner to do a chaos action, sets $days_since_action to 0 and increases shame by one.\n- Doing a selfcare (purple) action reduces shame by one.\n- Exception: seeing your friend from out of town reduces shame by three.\n\n\nDays since action:\n\nSome tasks (shower, dishes, laundry, bill) build up the longer you neglect them. Each day you accrue shame according to the total days you've neglected each item, and this stacks. If you haven't showered for two days, and haven't paid the bill for three, you'll gain five shame.\n\n\nShame scale:\n\n<3 = not much shame.\n4-9 = a little shame.\n10-21 = some shame.\n22-45 = a lot of shame.\n>45 = overwhelming shame.\n\n\nOther shame incidents:\n\nWhen your hair falls out in patches, you gain three shame.\nWhen your friend comes over to help, you gain one shame for each chore they do (definitely dishes, possibly laundry if that hasn't been done).

Cycle 1, Day 4\n\n\nYou've been checking your hair anxiously every time you shower, every time you run your hands through it. Did you fish more out of the drain trap than usual? Are those strays on the edge of the sink yours or your partner's?\n\nTurns out, there's no possibility of confusion, because when it starts falling out it does so abruptly and in clumps. Handfuls of hair sloughing from your head every time you touch it.\n\nYou're shocked by your reflection; suddenly you look like a cancer patient. It's the final day of your first cycle, and you feel better than you have since Before. You should be celebrating, you should get out and about, but all you can do is hide. \n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[If you post some coslay wig selfies to Twitter your friends will make you feel better.|C1D4_selfie_read_shower_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[The apartment is overwhelmed with clutter|C1D4_read_clutter_shower_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n\nYou read a book.\nYou took a shower.\nYou washed the dishes.

Shame gradient (pink-red):\nnot much shame #FFCCCC\na little shame #FF9999\nsome shame #FF6666\na lot of shame #FF5050\noverwhelming shame #CC0000\n\n\nSelf-care (blue): #0099FF\n\nSupport (purple): #AB54E1\n\nChaos (orange): #FF9900\n\nBackgrounds (blue-grey):\n5 Energy #00CCFF\n4 Energy #26BFE6\n3 Energy #4CB2CC\n2 Energy #73A6B2\n1 Energy #999999

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[Your partner wants to play a board game.|C3D1_game_partner_dishes][$shame -= 1]]\n[[<<display 'shower'>>|C3D1_shower_partner_dishes][$days_since_shower to 0]]\n[[<<display 'bill'>>|C3D1_bill_partner_dishes][$bill to "paid"]]\n<<if $laundry neq "done">>[[<<display 'laundry'>>|C3D1_partner_dishes_laundry][$laundry to "done"]]<<endif>>\n\nYour partner washed the dishes.

Cycle 3, Day 1\n\n\nTwo down, one to go. This is the last cycle of chemo recovery you're going to have to suffer through, but you went into each one feeling a little greyer, a little further from full capacity.\n\nYou think you can manage to do something before settling in for your X-Files marathon, though.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle3Day2][$days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou took a shower.\nThe dishes<<if $laundry neq "done">>, the bill, and the laundry <<else>> and the bill<<endif>> will have to wait.

Cycle 2, Day 2\n\nToday's a nothingy kind of day. You feel okay enough to do something, as long as it requires almost no energy on your part.\n\nThere's one good thing, at least: your hair is no longer patchy, it's just... bald. Which is actually not that bad a look on you (people are complimenting you on your head shape), it's just you'd probably like it much better if you'd been able to choose it for yourself.\n\nAs usual, there are more things to do than energy to do them. You could ask your partner for help with something, which would be embarrassing in the short run, but stop things from piling up.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|Cycle2Day3][$days_since_shower += 1; $days_since_dishes += 1]]\n\nYou did some knitting.\nThe shower and the dishes will have to wait.

Cycle 3, Day 4\n\n\nFinally, a day when you feel capable of tying your shoes. You go for a few blocks' walk, breathe in the fresh air. It feels like days since you saw anyone's faces except Mulder and Scully.\n\nYour partner is home sick from work. Fortunately, they don't require much looking after, but it is frustrating that they weren't there for your lowest point yesterday, and now you're stuck with the chores on your own.\n\nYou've been missing the days when your brain overflowed with creative ideas; even editing your existing work has been too much. Today, you start having flashes of scenes for your new novel, and you're inspired to do something about it.\n\n<<display 'shame'>>\n\n[[You're out of energy for the day.|DayAfter][$days_since_shower += 1]]\n\nYou worked on your novel.\nYou washed the dishes.\nThe shower <<if $bill neq "paid">>and the bill <<endif>>will have to wait.