Miss You Game

''You miss her.'' [[Call her]] [[Text her]] [[Wait]] [[Stalk her]] [[Write her a letter]] [[Send her a gift]] [[Passive-aggressively taunt Her->Twitter]]

''There she is: "Koala." The petname is still alive and well in the Contacts of your phone. Look at the emoji of a little gray animal and think about why you called her this:'' [[She was clingy. This hits you and you change your mind about calling her.->Change your mind about calling her]] [[The term was that of endearment. Her love was "endearing." Dial Away!->You dialed her]]

Texting. Blah. Very weak. Very cowardly. But, ok. Be a member of your generation. At least you didn't break up over text. Which of these petty lines are you going to send her? [[I miss you.]] [[I love you.]] [[How are you?]] [[I'm sorry.]] [[Send a monster of a text. The longest text in the history of mankind!]]

Ok, Creep... How do you want to "find out" what's going on? [[Facebook]] [[Instagram]] [[Google]] [[Craft a taunting tweet->Twitter]]

''She was incredibly needy. It caused you to suffocate.'' [[You still miss her right now->3 Months Later]] [[The feeling has subsided]]

''Well, what now?'' [[Try to Move On->Move On]]

[[It's ringing. There's hope.]] [[She blocked you]]

''You're shocked that she hasn't blocked your number. What does it mean? Heart is racing. Four rings are endured and you start to panic, because you hadn't planned on leaving a Voicemail. Sure enough, "Jasmine is not available. Please leave your message after the beep. Goodbye." What do you do now?'' [["Hi, I've been thinking about you. Please call me back."]] [[You freak out and hang up.]]

"The subscriber you are trying to reach is not available at this time." ''She's done it. She's doing it. This is either for //her// or for //you//. What do you think she was thinking when she blocked your number?'' [[Fuck you. I really am over it.]] [[I am too weak to not pick up, because I still have strong feelings for you.]]

''[[If this is what you think is really going on, you better find another way to get intouch with her.->3 Months Later]]''

''You have nice handwriting. This is your style. This is "Keats." Here is what you want to express:'' -You miss her. -You love her. -You're sorry. Remember that a good apology means not justifying anything. No excuses. Good Luck.

''Here you go again with the gestures... This worked in the past, so sure, go ahead, Einstein: try it. What are you going to send her?'' [[Flowers]] [[Something for her new dog (that you ridiculously know is named Charlie)]] [[Tickets to something]] [[An engagement ring]]

Get the orchids. They're expensive, but she probably really hates you by now. <a href="http://www.proflowers.com/">Pro Flowers</a>

''This is definitely the safest, best idea of the bunch. It keeps something that is totally serious and painful very light (at least in your mind). You even have the audacity to use humor. Why? Because you're nostalgic for dthe power that it affords you. Ok, what are you going to get Charlie?'' <a href="https://www.chewy.com/b/chew-toys-316/">Chew Toy</a> <a href="https://smrdogbiscuits.com/">Over-priced artisenal dog treats</a>

The Eagles suck, but she loves football <a href="http://www.philadelphiaeagles.com/tickets/">Eagle's Tickets</a> If music be the food of love...play on. <a href="https://www.vividseats.com/concerts/billy-joel-tickets/billy-joel-citizens-bank-park-9-9-2243981.html">Billy Joel Tickets</a> Maybe she hasn't gone yet. Maybe this can be a memory. <a href="http://www.rodinmuseum.org/">Rodin Museum</a>

''Alright, this isn't exactly safe or subtle, but clearly you've thought about this (right?)...'' <a href="https://www.alexisrussell.com/collections/engagement-rings"> Rose gold, bezel set, 1 karat</a>

''Alright, you're going to "wait." And do what in the meantime?'' [[Get in shape->I'm going to get so healthy!]] [[Drink!->Pass the bottle]] [[Download every dating app known to man->Let's start Swiping Right]] [[Goddamnit this can't "wait"->3 Months Later]]

Well obviously you're still de-friended. At least you aren't blocked! Her profile picture hasn't changed: it's still her and her siblings sticking their tongues out at whoever is taking the picture, presumably her mother, who you never called or spoke to after breaking up. She was nice. *Sigh* What now? [[Instagram->Instagram]] [[Twitter->Twitter]] [[Google->Google]]

Deep breath. You need to ask someone to check her instagram for you. (You don't have one and hers is private). Do you really want to ask someone to screenshot her Instagram? If so, you've only got two options: [[Your Sister-in-law, who sortof liked her but thought you two fought too much]] [[Your older brother, who is a "relationships" guy and thought Jasmine was too sensitive for you]] [[No need to involve family! Change tactics->3 Months Later]]

''Well this certainly is childish! How old are you?'' [[Take a Selfie with a friend she doesn't know.]]

''Google. The millennial's Magic 8 Ball. Her name is dreadfully common, but there she is:'' [[Linkedin Profile]] [[Youtube of Her singing in College Acapella Group]]

''This is going to be tricky, but there must be a way. If you invite yourself over, you can probably sneak a peak at her phone and open instagram.'' [[Invite yourself over.]]

You text him, "Bro, do me a favor and check her instagram." He doesn't respond, so you send him, "I miss her," hoping this will tug at his heartstrings and help you out of pity. He calls you. "Here's the deal: I love you. You're my baby sister. But right now, you need to grow up. I just unfollowed her. It's for your own good." [[Your brother is right! Let's get a grip. ->Move On]] [[You love him but he just deleted the most valuable effing connection you had left to her world.]]

Well done, you. So you're ready to not knee-jerk at your heart's every stutter? There are 24 hours in a day. How are you going to live your life? [[I'm going to get so healthy!]] [[I just want to be alone and not move]] [[Pass the bottle]] [[Let's start Swiping Right]]

Well this a mature coping mechanism if I ever saw one! Step 1 <a href="https://www.sixpackbags.com/blog/best-workout-playlist/">Get an Anthem<a/> Step 2 <a href="https://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/calpro.htm">Nutrition<a/> Step 3 <a href="https://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/the-one-month-six-pack-program.html">Follow a Program<a/>

''No drinking (You know better) No new friends (Drake said so) No gym (You just can't) But you will do something "emo." Take a "responsible" nap. <a href="http://sleepyti.me/">REM Calculator<a/> Read poetry. <a href="https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/text/selected-love-letters-fanny-brawne">Keats' Love Letters to Fanny Brawne<a/> <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/pablo-neruda">Pablo Neruda<a/> <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?volume=80&issue=3&page=8">e.e. cummings</a> Look at Jenny Holzer's Artwork <a href="http://www.jennyholzer.com/list.php">Projections</a> Listen to Jeff Buckley <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtS0rwQK_pI">"Last Goodbye"<a/>

When you say, "Drink," do you mean: [[Get absolutely knuckled]] [[Make an adult beverage and listen to Adele]]

Thankfully, technology is here to satisfy your lonliness and ego/body's need for stroking. Pick your poison. Are we talking Hook-up? <a href="https://www.gotinder.com/">Tinder<a/> Are we talking Date? <a href="https://bumble.com/">Bumble<a/> Are we talking Teams? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9BIe0TCVjg">Drake reference<a/>

Now you MUST see her Instagram... [[Reach out to your Sister-in-Law for help->Your Sister-in-law, who sortof liked her but thought you two fought too much]]

Regression much? Suit yourself. Will this be a solo journey? [[Yes, I deserve to be alone.]] [[No. Misery loves company. I need to find a drinking partner.->Let's start Swiping Right]]

''This is a very "basic" and "twenty-something" thing to do...'' [[I know, but I'll make a craft cocktail to pretend I'm having fun]] So be it and Malbec will do just fine, thanks. <a href="http://www.totalwine.com/wine/red-wine/malbec/c/000066">Total Wine<a/> Cheers to 28! Cue in Adele. I'll drink whatever is laying around that burns. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZjydUWD7f4">First Love<a/>

No one said you can't self-pity and learn something useful <a href="http://www.esquire.com/food-drink/drinks/recipes/a3720/whiskey-sour-drink-recipe/">Whiskey Sour Recipe<a/> <a href="https://www.gq.com/story/best-martini-recipe-james-bond">Perfect Martini<a/> <a href="http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/best-old-fashioned">Old Fashioned<a/>

''You seem determined to do this. Afterwards, these links might be useful:'' <a href="http://www.esquire.com/food-drink/drinks/g2219/how-to-cure-hangovers-remedies/">14 Hangover Remedies<a/> <a href="https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for-you-twelve-questions-only-you-can-answer">Is AA For You?<a/>

"That was pretty bold. But, it was honest. So, way to go there. What's her response?" [[I miss you too.]] [[Leave me alone.]]

''Subtle much? You probably should have started with something a little less dramatic. But, you can't take it back. What's her response?'' [[I can't believe you. Fuck you. I'm with someone else now.->I'm seeing someone else now.]] [[Where are you?->I miss you too.]]

''You type this because it's safe. You're not admitting too much. It has been several months. She responds:'' [[I'm fine. What do you want?]] [[I'm fine. How are you?]] [[Leave me alone.]]

''You are sorry for //some// of what led to the break-up. Your apologize isn't real yet though, you need her to say that she's sorry too. It may be immature, but that's where you're at. What does she say back?'' [[You should be. This whole thing was your fault.]] [[I'm sorry. I miss you too.->I miss you too.]]

You scroll upwards and wince. It was really long. Like //really// long. [[You wait for her response.]]

She responds. It's nothing like what you sent her. [["I'm seeing someone else. You're too late."->Stalk her]]

"Fess up." [[I miss you.]]

Whewf. No damage. But also no real information. What did you expect? You gave her nothing and she turned it right back on you. How do you respond? [["I miss you."->I miss you.]] [["I'm sorry."->I'm sorry.]] [["I love you."->I love you.]] [[You continue to text back and forth and say nothing]]

"Okay, it's reasonable she hates you. In fact, it would be bizarre if she welcomed you back with open arms. You hurt her, remember, Dummy? What's your next move?" [[It's hopeless. Let's work on "moving on" like an adult.->Move On]] [[Texts are puerile. Let's uncap the pen and be bold--this is love we're talking about afterall.->Write her a letter]] [[Send her a gift]] [[Beg]]

You talk about her dog. You don't really like dogs, but it's safe. You keep playing it so safe. She finally steps up and says something that will lead to actual dialogue: [[I'm seeing someone else now.]] [[Why did you reach out?->I'm fine. What do you want?]]

"Your heart sinks and your head ignites with rage." [[Stalk her]]

[[If she's over it, so are you!->Move On]] [[There must be another way to get intouch with her...->3 Months Later]]

''So you're really this arrogant? Why on Earth did she block you, if she was desperate for you to call her?'' [[Because she's still inlove! You miss her, so you better figure out how to get in contact with her some other way]] [[Because she really is over it->Fuck you. I really am over it.]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

Well aren't you a cowardly lion. Go on. You've committed to contacting her. [[Text her]]

''Now you've done it. Officially, you are back in the game. The choice is yours: keep texting like an eight grader or pick up the phone like an adult. Best of luck, Romeo.'' [[Send her a gift]]

"I messed up. Please talk to me." "Her response:" [[I'm seeing someone else now.]] [[Seriously, leave me alone.]]

"Alright, she needs space and for now, she's done. She's telling you that. What are you going to do?" [[She has to still love me.->Write her a letter]] [[This was a moment of weakness. She's right. We were never going to work.->Move On]]

"You can't click on it, because otherwise she'll know you're stalking. Linkedin is creepy, or rather, it's made for catching creeps. You can read a little under the heading though. She's still working at the same job. How exciting to know that? Not." [[Try to be a little more aggressive stalking her.->Stalk her]]

''Oh my God. Remember that? The nostalgia is too much. The feelings flood back. You //need// to act.'' [[3 Months Later]]

''This pisses you off. She's right to be upset, but is she honestly going to put all of it on you?'' [[Move On]]

''You're a real piece of work. Your family, sister-in-law included, knows you're nuts, but this is just a new level of psychotic. You try your best not to get caught. What happens?'' [[Someone catches you.]] [[You get away with it, but what you see is disasterous.]]

''Your sister-in-law and brother call you out. This is an intervention. What do you do?'' [[Believe them. They know you. This relationship is over.->Move On]] [[They don't understand. You miss her.->3 Months Later]]

''Would it have been better not to know? To not see someone else with their hand where it shouldn't be. Your property. Possessive. You feel violated that //she// is being touched by someone. Who the fuck is that person anyway?'' [[Stalk the her new bae.]] [[It's ridiculous that she's with someone else so fast. Proof she's insane.->Move On]]

''Well, first you need to find out who the fuck they are...You're a regular Shirlock Holmes though, aren't you?'' [[Check her Venmo]]

''Voilà! You're a masochist. A clever and effective one, but none the less, you really are twisting the knife. You see an entry from the person in the picture: "For: Assorted things???" Does she think that's slick? Does she think that's funny? But God it drives you mad. They bought a sex toy together. Something about this cryptic Venmo item makes you think that they are definitely sleeping together. Not just that, but they have //been// sleeping together. Long enough to start spicing things up. WHO. IS. THIS. PERSON?" The name is there in Venmo. You google her and it links to a page of some b-list Law School. She's wearing a poorly tailored suit. You feel a little better. This won't last. [[You can and will wait this out.->Wait]]

''You wait, but pretty soon you decide that you need to text her. Everything feels urgent.'' [[Text her]]

''What on Earth did you think that would accomplish? It's been //months//. She might honestly not give a damn anymore. What are you going to do?'' [[Change Tactics->3 Months Later]] [[The feeling has subsided]]