You magically became Dezmond Castner. This doesn't freak you out? Well, okay then! It is 10:00am and the alarm goes off on your phone. [[Wake up and check my email]] [[Sleep in, it's too comfy to get up]]You lay in bed and check your email. Mostly typical work-related messages, until you see one supposedly written by Sonic. What the fuck? What the flying fuck could this possibly be? [[Open the message]] [[This is troll shit cockamamy, fuck this I need to go to the bathroom |Go to the bathroom]]You turn off the alarm and sleep in. An hour goes by and you naturally wake up and realize you have too many things to do today. [[Make a bowl of cereal]] [[Go to the bathroom]] [[Fuck this shit]]You pour yourself a bowl of Krave with whole milk. You grab a plastic spoon. You hate doing dishes because you're very anal about making them super clean and would waste all your time washing them. [[Sit down at the computer and eat]]You walk to the bathroom. Since you live in a studio apartment that didn't take too long. Good thing, you had to shit really bad. You sit on the toilet and let nature take its course. You might be in here for awhile... [[Pick up the first magazine I see]] [[Just sit here. My phone is almost dead so no use trying to look at Reddit]]You click open the email to find an awful Sonic fan-fiction written about you and Sonic making love and getting in a flashy fight via DBZ style with Shadow the Hedgehog. You facepalm and laugh at the utter ridiculousness of it all. Why would someone make this? [[Oh shit I gotta show this to everyone on my twitter/tumblr. This is fucking gold!]] [[This is so fucking bad. I'd be too embarrassed to show this to anyone. Lets just hope this isn't already on the internet for people to find.]] [[Huh? There's some image attached to the email..]]You rummage through the tower of magazines you have amassed through the time living there and pick up a Shonen Jump with Yu-Gi-Oh on the cover. Nostalgia hits you as you read the pages. Time passes by and your bowel movement has passed. Wow what a huge shit that was! [[Flush the toilet]]You quickly get on your computer to copypasta the fanfic and add it with an amusing quip to all your social media sites. The likes, favorites, and reblogs start pouring in and you have the biggest shit-eating grin watching the count go up. Great start to the day! You glance at the time and realize you promised you'd stream today in half an hour. [[Prepare to stream]]This fan-fiction is so terrible that you immediately close the email and block it out of your mind, hoping to hell this isn't being spread around to other people who'd give a shit. Fuck this shit. You promised to stream some indie games on your twitch channel in half an hour, but sleeping in made you way behind on a ton of work. [[Prepare to stream]] [[I need to eat|Make a bowl of cereal]] [[Fuck streaming, I need to work]] [[Go to the bathroom]]You sit down and start eating your favorite cereal. While eating you surf youtube watching epic fails and cute babies. All of a sudden you get a pain in your gut. [[Shit I need to go take a shit|Go to the bathroom]]With all this time to think you start planning out all the stuff that needs to be done today. If only we never had to sleep...be able to get so much finished... Time passes by and your bowel movement has passed. Wow what a huge shit that was! [[Flush the toilet]]Getting out of bed, you go to sit in your brown fake leather office chair and swivel towards your desk and computer monitors. You turn on your computer and boot up xsplit and start downloading all those games you written down to try next time on stream. As you are doing this you realize... [[Shit, I need to shit|Go to the bathroom]] [[Shit I haven't eaten, better grab something to eat real quick|Make a bowl of cereal]]You write out an apology on your social media explaining you have you a lot of work to be done. It may make your fans slightly disappointed but they'll understand. An hour or two goes by diligently working on one of your many projects. You realize you haven't eaten in awhile... [[Go eat|Make a bowl of cereal]]After wiping your asshole immaculately clean you get up and turn around to flush the toilet. Upon flushing it, you realize that it is clogged! Water and shit go flowing out of the toilet bowl. There seems to be no sign of this stopping. Fuck this is gross! Stupid mothafucking ass toilet getting clogged! [[Get the plunger]] [[Fuck it. Do nothing]]You quickly grab the plunger and plunge vigorously in and out of the toilet. The water keeps pouring out but eventually it slows to a trickle and stops. You push the handle to see it will actually flush this time. Hooray! Success! The floor desperately needs to be cleaned now, but at least the main issue is resolved. You go to grab a towel and accidently slip and hit the back of your head on the very toilet you fixed. [[Damn|You pass out]].You stand there watching the bathroom get filled by your shit and tons of water on the floor. You don't give a shit for some weird reason and start to walk out of the bathroom. Unfortunately you slip and fall from the wet disgusting floor and hit your head on the sink. [[You pass out]].Well, quite the shit predicament you got into there? Everything is all dark[[,]] but wait! You find out you were playing an Oculus Rift game all along and are in your own body. Guess you just really got into the game and totally forgot. Whoops. [[Play again|A Day in the Life of Dez]]You leave the apartment and fight Mecha-Baby JesusHitlerGodzilla with your super breath and save the town! "All hail Dez" the people cry! Afterwards you grab a scratcher at the local cornerstore and win a billion dollars! With that money you spend it all on hearthstone cards. [[GG well played|A Day in the Life of Dez]]You notice an image attached to the email. You hope this isn't a picture of you having sex with Sonic. After downloading it, you reluctantly check to see what this could possibly be. It's a blank window....OH SHIT! An image of Sonic pops up on your desktop menacingly staring at you. [img[http://th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/232/8/a/dimension_of_doom___sonic_exe_by_rachidna-d6iyx2f.jpg]] WTF man?!?! Fucking scares the shit out of you for a second, but you get over it. You try to figure out how to get this off your computer but find no way to do so. All of a sudden your sight goes dark. You're surrounded by nothingness. This is freaking you the [[fuck out|You pass out]].The real ending is that you wake up surrounded by sentient shits that crown you their king. You are adorned with a toilet paper robe and you rule the land with your plunger scepter. I r8 8/8 m8.