So You Wanna Write a Paper...

As usual, you've been preoccupied by the demands of everyday life (video games are TEH BEST) and so yet another deadline has crept up on you in just the rudest way. But it's fine! Totally fine. This paper is on a topic of your choosing so it should actually be FUN to write. Right? You'll just crank it out in a couple of days, leave a little time for editing and collect that 'A' thank you very much. Research, outline, write, edit. Bingo bongo bango! All right, time to git 'er done: [[Make tea! Tea always helps. Caffeine is our friend.]] [[Open a word document. Progress!]] [[Think about what topic you'd like to write about.]]

Oh heavenly scent that doth fill mine nostils with the heady aroma of productivity. <img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/Wj0c0rzczOJNe/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="Tea"> Woo yeah! It's important to feel awake and productive while you're working. On that note, best [[make a snack]] while you're at it. Or maybe just [[clean up]] and get to work. Or ok skip that and just [[get to work researching on the Internet! ->To the Internet! WEEEEE!!!]]

Awesome, awesome progress. Yup. Mhmm. Feels good. Yeah. Just you and the page. Gonna fill it up with words. All the words! Yup. ... Who knew white was so white. The cursor is flashing in time with the beeping of a garbage truck backing up outside your apartment. You wonder if anyone has ever mixed a track over that beeping sound or if it gets incorporated into songs the way police sirens sometimes do... Didn't you once see a Buzzfeed article on this? Aw yeah! You could totally research this for your paper! The postmodern pastiche! The attribtion of value into lowly and commonplace things! The elevation of garbage into high art! Pull your arm back reeeeeeal far and [[slap yourself.]] [[To the Internet! WEEEEE!!!]] Realize your idea is garbage. Not art, just garbage. Back to the drawing board! [[Think about what topic you'd like to write about.]]

Man, what a fascinating world we live in. You could write about the Southeast Asian economy's impact on North American technology! Or the pathologization of procrastination in the 18th century! What The possible topics of study are endless! ...literally endless. Oh god how are you supposed to choose just one? Why should one topic matter any more than the other bazillion topics you could choose? Why did your prof have to leave things so open ended?? You're not ready for this! Ok, ok. Grab a paper bag and breathe into it slowly for a few minutes. Let's [[take a step back ->AN ESSAY IS DUE!]].

AAAAAAAAAOUCH! Oh the fiery pain! The self abuse! <img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/12sFH5JAdIJu5q/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="Edna"> Ok fine you were being an idiot. Backtrack and try again.

<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/RbPbHNLXgyR5C/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="Interwebz"> Ooooo such clicking! So links! Start by [[checking your email]]. Clickitty click on over to [[the library]]! Just pop in to see what's happening on [[Twitter]]. You've probably got messages waiting for you on [[Facebook]] - better check. It's been a while (an hour) since you were last on YouTube. Wonder what's new [[on there ->YouTube]]. Oh yeah remember those [[fanfics]] you meant to read the other day? Maybe you should [[look at some GIFs and see if you can include them in your assignment]]!

Awww yissss got your procrastitea, procrastisnack and you get to take a procrastipee! Jolliest of days! Now [[back to work ->AN ESSAY IS DUE!]]

Organised house, organised mind! Right? I mean doing the dishes, a load of laundry, swiffering, scrubbing the shower, taking the garbages out and vacuuming must have contributed to the paper somehow...Right??? Oh totally! Maybe you should do the toilets and dust the insides of all your cupboards next! Either that or [[slap yo damn self ->slap yourself.]]. Nah, time to actually [[get back to bizniss ->AN ESSAY IS DUE!]].

<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/DupMFENd0g6bu/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="email"> Oh hey! [[Facebook]] notifications! Can't let those go unopened now can you? Or woooo look a new chapter of that Spuffy [[fanfic ->fanfics]] is up! No wait! This [[Twitter]] notification could be super important. Almost as important as these recommendations from [[YouTube]]!! Gah! 38 unread messages! Aw helllll naw! [[Back awaaaaaaay!! ->To the Internet! WEEEEE!!!]]

SUCH KNOWLEDGE! SUCH POWER! <img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/vCxwRCxMaE4yk/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="Library"> Enter search terms, use databases, go HOG WILD! Gold star if you came here right away after opening your Internet browser. You are truly a master of self-control. Now, get that [[research]] started!

So many interesting articles! Like raw marble under the hands of Michelangelo, the contents of these papers will be pared down to a masterpiece! [[Reward yourself]] for making progress! ...but a few more sources couldn't hurt. [[Keep researching]]. Though now that you think about it, scholarly journals can take a while to be released. If you want to keep things current, stay relevant, might want to check what academics are saying on [[Twitter]].

Hey there, champ. Good work out there. You're really showin this paper who's boss. Time for some barely-deserved r'n'r. You know what you deserve, tiger? A [[nap]]! Or, slugger, you could always unwind a bit by watching a couple vidoes on [[YouTube]]. But what about [[fanfics]], chief? Those Snape/Ron fics aren't gonna read themselves. Kid, what you need is some good ol' fashioned [[Facebook]].

Yes! Your measly 10 sources from before have now been bolstered to 20! BOOYAH. This calls for a [[break! ->Reward yourself]] Or hey, why settle for 20 when [[50 is a much rounder number]]? Maybe you should see what people are saying about your topic on [[Twitter]]. This gonna sound crazy, but you might consider [[reading those articles now]].

[[NOTIFICATIONS! OMG YES SO POPULAR! SO LOVED!]] <img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/mrUjWMhIfDCVy/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="happybart">

Ok seriously, dude. Where are you gonna find time to read all these? Gots to gets to [[reading those articles now]].

Reading, skimming, it's all the same, right? Either way you've got some solid ideas about where to take this paper. Time to get writing. This calls for some writin tunes! [[Open iTunes]]. See if [[your friend YouTube]] has some good playlists.

<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/L8QmMBDvxVKrm/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="twitter"> Oh the retweets! The likes! You love me! You really love me! ... Eh-hem. Anyway, what did I come here for? To [[retweet the shit out of EVERYTHING ->Let the Internet devour your soul]].

<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/iz9ZDr5kBlMhW/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="Old"> It is now the year 2078. You are old, bearded, shirtless, possibly underwent a sex-change, and for some reason a racoon is biting you - I don't know man, the future is weird and dystopic ok. Congrats on letting the Internet devour your soul. Wonder what the late submission policy is on that essay...

Oh I'm sorry, did you say "nap"? Your body heard "five solid hours of deep sleep" and now you're groggy as hell. Better [[make more tea ->Make tea! Tea always helps. Caffeine is our friend.]]

<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/mo8MAe2maHrva/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="nosafe"> Oops! Looks like you left auto-play on when you opened that first mindlessly entertaining video. Oh well, looks like [[this is your life now ->Let the Internet devour your soul]].

Ooo look at [[this one]] - plenty of reviews and only one chapter long. Perfect! [[But this one ->Let the Internet devour your soul]] has 3000 reviews, it's multi-chapter and it's part of a series! IT MUST BE BOMB AF!

<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/B7HhXr0HqlmeI/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="Facebook"> Friends! Family! All the people you love! [[Time to catch up ->Let the Internet devour your soul]] with that guy you went on exchange with in Holland. Or that person you broke up with in second year and then had to awkwardly take classes with for the next two and half years. Or your dearest friend, the daughter of an acquaintance who added you so that she could practice her English. Ah what a tightknit social community you have! Oh god, what a horrible decision to come here. [[Go back to researching ->Keep researching]]. Ain't nobody got time for this. Start [[reading the articles you found earlier ->reading those articles now]].

Ah what a lovely break. Well! Time to [[get back to work ->reading those articles now]]. ...or you could read [[just a couple moooooore ->Let the Internet devour your soul]] ...

<img src="http://media.giphy.com/media/pWP6AQg2KMc2Q/giphy.gif" width="500" height="300" alt="wtf"> Ha-haaaa this is just toooo close to home. [[Away with you! ->AN ESSAY IS DUE!]]

Time to make a study playlist! I'm thinkin a little Mozart and Chopin. Or maybe go with Parov Stelar and Ratatat. Something with few words so I won't be distracted! Oh look, a distraction! Why are all these songs missing their album art?? Better [[find them all ->Let the Internet devour your soul]]. Eh whatever, I'm only gonna have it on low in the background anyway. [[No big deal ->music]].

Ooo look! [[Cute cat videos! ->YouTube]] Or hey! [[A tutorial ->YouTube]] on how to turn pillowcases into poodle ponchos! [[Lifehack videos! ->YouTube]] These are important for doing life. I need to know 25 unexpected ways to use paperclips. Recommended just for me! [[Cut scenes ->YouTube]] from Dragon Age! How DOES the Dorian romance play out?? Why did you open YouTube? Something about [[music]] or studying or something. You're sure you came to this site for a reason... Noooo waaaay! [[Movie previews that preview movies!!! ->YouTube]] Dude, it is definitely vital that you learn [[how to care for your Cermet ->YouTube]].

The tunes are good, now time to start writing! If you just focus, focus, focus, you might make it through this. Good luck [[resisting temptation ->To the Internet! WEEEEE!!!]]... Also, it never hurts to have [[more caffeine]].