pigeons

It is the middle of the afternoon. You are in a shop and you feel lighthearted but also extraordinarily uneasy. You want to buy something. Do you buy a [[Pepsi Max?|pepsi]] or [[something else?|different]] \n\n

The man seems impressed with your courage. "You seem like a brave and courageous person", he says. "So I'll tell you something. The answer is 1996". I wonder what in God's name he's going on about! Anyhow, [[another drink?|backtothebar]] Or do you just want to call it a day and [[go home?|home]]

Well then! Maybe you should go and buy some [[back at the shop!|backtotheshop]] Or do you want to forget all about the Pepsi Max and honour your previous resolve to go to [[the park|park2]]?

Good choice. You're not young anymore. And it's the middle of the afternoon. Do you want to [[buy a can of polish lager?|tyskie]] Or hows about that [[Pepsi Max|pepsi]] you were so keen on?

Nice one. You feel like you've been in the shop long enough. It's time [[to leave.|leavewithpenny.]]

Johnny White Really-Really\nPIGEONS The Game \n[[Enter| heaven]]

You immediately drop the can all over the floor, and set about cursing yourself and regretting every day of your life. The only thing to do, I'm afraid, is to take it [[from the top.|backtotheshop]]

You decide to go to the pub, using the best means of transport around - the bus! You chuck yourself onto a passing 263. The driver asks for a shiny penny as your fare, and as luck would have it, you have one to hand! You sit at the front of the top deck of the bus and you wonder if whether death, when it comes, will be irresistible or whether it will be the worst thing in the world, and your teeth chatter and you feel so wonderful you can barely contain yourself. There are two pubs along this bus route. Which one do you want to go to? \n[[The Coronet.|Coronet]]\n\t[[The White Swan.| whiteswan]]

Ah. The wonderful Coronet! The place where all your dreams come alive and crawl up the walls like rats and insects. What do you want to drink, old friend?\n[[A Shipyard.|Shipyard]]\n\t[[A Vodka and Soda (with fresh lime.)|vodkasodacoronet]]\n

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There really isn't a huge amount to do at home. Shall we take ourselves [[back to the shop?|backtotheshop]]

Ah yes! The unforgettable taste of a below-par drink! Smashing! You drink your pint for a few minutes whilst staring at the wall. An unhinged looking man approaches your table and asks if he can have one of the chairs. What do you reckon? \n [[Yeah, that's fine!|YesChair]] \n[[Not on your life!|NoChair]]

There is no funfair down the road. There never was. What sort of roads have funfairs down them? Please, just think for five seconds. Try using your mind for five seconds! What is it with you, anyway? Anyhow, it's getting late. Time to be [[getting on home.|home]]

Me neither. Actually can't really stand the stuff! Although in the same breath I could say that I really quite like it and both of these truths can happily live alongside one another. It's only Pepsi Max, guys! Anyhow what to do now? Would you like to try your luck back at the shop? Or... hello? What's this? A door in the floor? Looks exciting! Shall we investigate? \n[[Yes.|gounder]]\n\t[[No! Take me back to that bloody great shop I love so much!|backtotheshop3]]\n\n\n

You buy a can of Tyskie and exit the shop. You feel quite happy. You decide to get on a bus and travel to the pub and have yourself a day and night out on the town. Do you drink the can [[now|drinkcannow]], or [[save it|savecanforbus]] for the bus? This morning you watched a youtube playlist of people being punched on Emmerdale, which you had compiled yourself. It was a neutral experience but on the other hand it was a right good laugh!

GAME OVER Better! Luck! Next! Time!

After all, what good's a Pepsi Max ever done you? Though there's something about them you like. Perhaps it's the name. So maybe you should reconsider and buy one [[after all?|pepsi]] Or do you want to forget all about the Pepsi Max and [[browse|browse]] around the shop for a while?

It's good to be realistic about these things. Isn't it? Although where does it all get you? Are you obsessed with Pepsi Max? \n [[Basically, yes.|YesPep]] \n[[Not at all.|NoPep]]

You see an opportunity to steal some wine. Do you exploit it? Do you want to do this?\n[[Yes.|steal]]\n\t[[No.| dontsteal]]\n\n\n

GAME OVER Better! Luck! Next! Time!

He takes the chair. You feel like you handled the issue of the chair with a lack of self respect, but you can't put your finger on why. Anyhow, [[another drink?|backtothebar]]

You are too embarrased to ask for one, so you panic and get a Guinness for heaven only knows what reason. You don't really enjoy the Guinness. You feel careworn and your eyes keep closing. I think it's time to [[go home!|home]]

Pigeons

You can't. What do you want to do now? \n [[Go to the park, after all.|park2]] \n[[Go back to the shop.|backtotheshop]]

You lift up the door, which is really more of a hatch, and descend a long ladder into what can only be described as a shimmering void. You see something glinting on the floor. But what can it be? You look closer. It's a shiny penny! You pick it up, and get yourself [[out of there!|leavewithpenny.]]

Before you can do any decent browsing, you notice a shiny penny on the floor. Do you pick it up?\n[[\tYes.|pickupenny]]\n\t[[\tNo.|browse]]\n\n

Steal the wine? It's right there? \n[[Ok then.|steal]]\n\t[[I lack the resolve.| dontsteal]]\n

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You stand at the long bar and the old man who you are afraid of ever so slightly tries to catch your eye and engage you in a conversation about how slow the service is. But you just laugh uncomfortably because you don't have any opinions on it and you don't mind standing at the bar for a bit and the only thing you'd like to change about the situation is this angry old man. Eventually the barman turns his attention to you. But what do you want to drink? \n[[A Tuborg.|Tuborg]]\n\t[[A Vodka and Soda (with fresh lime.)|vodkasoda]]\n[[A gallon of wine.|wine]]\n

You head along to the park. Absolutely nothing wrong with doing that, is there? It's a free country in a free world. As you walk you consider how long it's been since you did something naturally. Without a huge clamour of thinking. But maybe you never did. Maybe you've forgotten that you've always been like this. Or were things clearer in the past? What do you think? \n[[Things were clearer in the past.|pastgood]]\n[[Things have always been this way.|pastbad]]\n\n\n

You stow the can in the pocket of your coat, nestling it amongst all the receipts and lighters that you insist on carrying around for heaven only knows what reason. You board the bus, but the driver asks you for a "shiny penny" as your fare. You lack a shiny penny, and have to get off. What you gonna do now, eh?\n [[Go to the park to "get some air."|park]] \n[[Go back to the shop.|backtotheshop]]

You might be right about that, but what do you expect me to do about it? Paint an enormous picture? I lack the materials. But seriously, you have got to take stock and really get a hold of things. The light is thick and you are thinking about death. You had a dream last night that Roots Manuva was on the Great British Menu and he did very well and the judges declared him the overall winner. Do you even want to go to the park now?\n [[Go on then!|park2]] \n[[Don't feel like it now.|aimless]]

So what? You can't go back there now. Do you want to? \n [[Yes.|YesPast]] \n[[No.|NoPast]]

You decide to catch the bus to the pub. Luckily one arrives almost immediately, but the driver asks you for a "shiny penny" as your fare. You don't have one, and have to get off. There's only [[one thing for it!|backtotheshop2]]

You buy the Pepsi Max. On your card, which makes you feel ashamed of yourself or else proud of yourself. Then you leave the shop. The wind blows in your face and you feel so wonderful you could die. Do you go back [[home|home]] for a little bit? Or to the [[park?|park]]

It is the middle of the afternoon,You are back at the shop - AGAIN! - and you feel lighthearted but also extraordinarily uneasy. You want to buy something. Do you buy a [[Pepsi Max?|pepsi]] or [[something else?|different]] \n

It is the middle of the afternoon. You are back at the shop for one last look around. There may have been something you missed the first time. And you still feel lighthearted but also extraordinarily uneasy. And you still want to buy something.Do you buy a [[Pepsi Max?|pepsi]] or [[something else?|different2]] \n

You feel like a piece of paper with nothing written on it. You can't stand around in the street. Where should we go? \n [[Go to the park, after all.|park2]] \n[[Go back to the shop, for one last look around.|backtotheshop2]]

GAME OVER Better! Luck! Next! Time!

Interesting choice. You stand at the long bar and an old man who you are afraid of ever so slightly tries to catch your eye and engage you in a conversation about how slow the service is. But you just laugh uncomfortably because you don't have any opinions on it and you don't mind standing at the bar for a bit and the only thing you'd like to change about the situation is this angry old man. Eventually the barman turns his attention to you. But what do you want to drink? \n[[A Tuborg.|Tuborg]]\n\t[[A Vodka and Soda (with fresh lime.)|vodkasoda]]

CONGRATULATIONS You! Have! Completed! Pigeons!

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Ah! The park! Where the pigeons obsess over each other! And the old men bellow like sea monsters as they play their tennis matches! What a splendid place to sit on a bench for half an hour! \nAfter half an hour get bored and start to feel cold. Do you go [[home?|home]] Or throw caution into the wind and go to the [[wetherspoons|pub]]?

Good choice. You're not young anymore. And it's the middle of the afternoon. Do you want to [[buy a can of polish lager?|tyskie]] Or hows about that [[Pepsi Max|pepsi]] you were so keen on?

You tuck into your pint of Shipyard. Which is cheap today because it's Monday and subject to the Monday Club drinks deal. \n\nHow long have you been like this for?\n\n[[Since 1992.|1992]]\n\t[[Since this morning.|thismorning]]\n[[Since 1994.|1994]]\n[[Since 1996.|1996]]\n[[Since the dawn of time.|DawnOfTime]]

Johnny White Really-Really

You can't bring yourself to do it. It would be too embarrassing. Also you aren't in the mood for wine. A can of Pepsi Max catches your eye, though. Are you in a [[Pepsi Max mood?|pepsi]] or do you [[hate|browse2]] Pepsi Max? \n

They don't serve wine in gallons, you fool! You leave the pub. Do you want to try the [[other pub?|Coronet]] Or maybe you want to visit [[the funfair|funfair]] down the road?