Sugarcane

<h1>YOU DIED</h1>\n\nYour moment of victory was upon you, so sure you were that you were about to find your fame and glory waiting for you in your envelope when disaster struck...\n\nLittle did you know but across the town square from you was a ninja with a blurred past. Seeking revenge for his fallen brother he must kill 500 egoistic people to earn back the souls of his ruined village using a sword made from the soul of his fallen brother. Using sacred ninja techniques, a double jump and a complicated inventory system, the ninja managed to stealth his way over to you, before slicing your head off with his brother-katana. The last sound you heard was him [[un-sheathing his blade.]]

Gah! Tears streaming down your wretched face you rush over to your screen settings and hurriedly turn the brightness down a little. Man you knew your screen was powerful, but that was intense, thank God that's over. \n\nNow, before writing that introduction, you could go and get yourself a nice warm drink, after all a prepared mind is a hydrated mind. You do your best thinking when properly hydrated. If not a warm drink, then a cold one, maybe even a Fentimans! The whole potential for exciting beverage consumption begins to overwhelm you until you steady yourself. [[So yes, why not go grab a drink quickly.]]\n\nOf course you could ignore your thirst and go back to writing that introduction and moving on to the main body of text, but should you go [[extravagant|preparing the reader for this informative and entertaining delight that they will soon digest.]] or [[dull?|Why break a tradition?]]

<h1>YOU PLAYED A VIDEOGAME AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF HELPED</h1>\n\nThat results day you are feeling giddy, you know that the essay you wrote actually turned out to be pretty damn fine. You worry about the conclusion and whether or not the lack of time you had due to Phoenix Wright of all things meant you lost vital points, but still what is done is done.\n\nYou peel open the envolope and...\n\n2-1! \n\nThe examiner notes that your essay for the most part is witty and a compelling read yet struggles often to stay on topic. The whirlwind of a ride it gives does not actually provide too much information on what they are testing for, however, the grounded conclusion surmises your points well and helped the examiner note all the information you actually gave. This brings your score up to a 2-1, which is pretty damn good, congratulations!\n\nYou go about your life feeling pretty swell.\n\nEnd.

So let's set the scene, because this is what first passages do right? Set the scene? Well here goes...\n\nYou are sat in a faux leather swivel chair at a wooden desk in your comfy, if cluttered home office. A faint breeze blows through your slightly ajar window causing you to have a bit of a shiver, nothing serious but you wouldn't mind it being a bit warmer. It is dark outside and a quick glance at your glaring computer screen tells you that it is 8:23 p.m. That is a good point, your computer screen is a little bright but let's ignore that for now as we [[press on with the story...]]\n\n\n

<h1>YOU FOOLED THE SYSTEM</h1>\n\nOn results day, sitting at a cafe opening your results, all you can do is hope that your ploy of fooling the examiner with a stunning introduction and conclusion worked. \n\nTurns out examiners are humans just like you!\n\nFull of praise for your intelligent debate and social commentary the examiner basically surmises the points made in your conclusion just as you hoped.\n\nYou received a 1st! \n\nYou down the macchiato and literally hop skip and jump all the way home in your excitement.\n\nEnd.

<h1>YOU FELL ASLEEP</h1>\n\nYou awaken at something like 5 a.m. Realisation slowly creeps up on you and you feel like screaming. How could this have happened, you should have stuck to your guns, stupid STUPID. You want to punch something, beat the shit out of whoever caused this, but of course, that's impossible.\n\nYou caused this.\n\nThat day, you try to cheer yourself up, think that yeah what you write now will be better than what you had going last night, so the penalty for missing the deadline won't effect your score as much. \n\nTwo months pass, you open your results, you would have got a 2-1, what you wrote in the end actually was pretty well received, but the penalty for missing the deadline takes it to a 2-2, not disastrous, but still... \n\n\n\nEnd.

Meh, it's over with. You type your conclusion and it does it's job, it wraps up those lacklustre paragraphs in a similarly lacklustre fashion. However, the opening was excellent and that's all that really matters. You feel some guilt at having rushed things and feel that given more time you could have done better, but hey you're no Peter Capaldi, the flow of time isn't going to change especially for you... [[or is it?|moments pass]]

No-one really pays attention to the main body of the essay. You figure that the examiner probably has so much to mark that what they will really focus on is the beginning and end. That way, they can get a feel for how good the essay is without actually having to do too much work, it's what you would do if you was in the examiner's shoes. With that in mind you get started on writing a pretty excellent conclusion.\n\nWith a smile on your face you wrap up your essay with a bang. It's only a few sentences so it won't take too much effort to make them special. You surmise your main points and even question the validity of the question you are being asked. With a sigh of relief you email the essay to the examiners, make yourself a warming cup of tea and settle yourself into bed whilst watching a couple of fights on SaltyBet. Of course those couple of fights turn into a couple of hundred but that's no matter, the essay is done and you can take a well deserved rest. \n\nYou only hope that the examiner is as much a slacker as you are as [[you wait out these next couple of months before results day.]]

<h1>YOU GOT THE FEAR</h1>\n\nTerrified at the result you will receive for that dreadful all nighter, you arrive on result's day physically shaking. You have to take several deep steady breaths in the toilets before actually making your way up to the University reception to pick up the envelope.\n\nIt turns out that you got a 2-2, commendable seeing as you wrote this in only a semi-lucid state. With a sigh of relief you go on home, not happy with your result by any means, but thankful that it did not go as worse as you imagined. \n\nEnd.

Right, you may as well start with a bang. A number of puns, jokes and witty social commentary spring to mind but eventually you settle for a title that perfectly captures the essence of what you will be discussing whilst bringing a smile to your own, and hopefully the examiner's, face. Well done. \n\nNow with that out the way, you need a solid introduction. You need to tell the reader what you will discuss, keeping it brief but succinct, [[preparing the reader for this informative and entertaining delight that they will soon digest.]]\n\nOf course, you could always phone in the same perfectly acceptable, if slightly generic introduction that has served for many of your previous essays. [[Why break a tradition?]] \n\nAlso, that screen really is glaring at you, perhaps you should [[do something about it before causing irreversible damage to your retinas?]]

Intellectual debate turns to parody debate, turns to fail videos, turns to gameplay videos, turns to a huge argument in the youtube comments, turns to being outed as a 'White Knight', turns to a lack of faith in the upcoming generation of humanity, turns to Dark Souls lore, turns to Dark Souls music, turns to video games music, and what do you know, you have lost the past 4 hours. \n\nIt is too late to do a proper essay now, your only options are to either[[pull off some kind of rush-job]], or [[go to bed now knowing that you'll lose marks for lateness, but you can have a proper stab at it again tomorrow.]]

Why bother with something fancy when something generic and DULL has always served right? You press the keys that make the words to make an introduction. It re-phrases the initial question, raising the points that you will discuss preparing the examiner for what is to come. You should probably feel quite satisfied with yourself but you don't. You have simply re-written what you have used for the past three years, all the while getting pretty good grades but still, did you really deserve them? \n\nTo add to your misery, you are starting to feel a bit more of a chill from that open window, [[maybe closing it will make you feel better?|why not close the window?]]\n\nOr you could ignore that and press on with the essay. It is not too late, you still could pull something out the hat for the main body of text. Thoroughly explore the issues and whilst it may not be classic art in the making, you can do a very decent job, [[make yourself proud.]] \n\nFurthermore, you could choose to sink further into your pit of despair. It is a rush job and you just want to get it out of the way. Essays are dull right, so why not rush it out as soon as you can, just state what the arguments are, come up with some half boiled commentary on them, and [[everything will be fine, right?]]

Objection! Take that! Hold it! The next few hours whir by and indeed, Phoenix Wright is a rad game. Yet unfortunately, the radness turns out to be a time consuming trap. You check out the clock after finishing the first case, and holy shit, three hours have passed. It is now too late to go ahead and finish this essay in spectacular fashion, however thankfully only the conclusion is left to write, you can't imagine what would have happened if you lost so much time at an earlier stage. The time out has given you some grounding however, and as such the conclusion you write is in fact very considered, well thought out and one could say the best part of your essay overall despite its sensible leanings. \n\nThat finished with, you head to bed, [[anxiously awaiting results day in two months time.]]

You hurriedly delete what you previously wrote, five pages of what potentially could have been gold, gone in a flash. But no, you can't second and third guess yourself like that. You've comitted now to the tried and tested essay format. You begin to type.\n\nHours fly by, you grab a coffee, make sure the window is wide open, put on some incredibly loud and heavy msuic to keep you pumped for this essay, but it is all to no avail, as you are moving on to the debate over Aristotle's view on economic policy you...\n\nLose focus...\n\nEyes drooping...\n\nPanicking, trying to stay awake...\n\nHead rolls back...\n\n[[Snore.]]

You begin to wonder why you even chose to do the course you're on in the first place, if this is what it has reduced you to. Promises of better wages, a good social life and that it will make you more intelligent-er seem like hollow promises teasing you from an ever growing distance. In reality you'll probably end up with as equal an opportunity at getting a meaningful career as anyone else, only with three years worth of debt added to your misery, hmph, maybe socialism finally did get it's great success. But enough of this inner monologue and social commentary, you have a God-damn essay to write. \n\nYour fingers are hammers, bashing away at that keyboard ni defiance to your course. You will finish this essay. You will get a decent grade. You will go to sleep at some point tonight. Okay, the essay may be phoned in shite, but you're going to get it done and you're going to [[feel damn good when it's over.]]

Okay, so the introduction was a little dry, who cares right? You can still come up with something special or the main body of text. So, ignoring the chill in your room you press start to write. The words come slow at first, but soon you are getting into your flow, coming up with compelling arguments that you hadn't thought of before, and, as if guided by some sort of invisible hand, you pull something really quite special out of the hat. \n\nFeeling rather pleased with yourself, you now only have the conclusion to do before finishing for the night. Imagine that! All of the work, over and done with, the weight lifted off your chest. Nothing to feel guilty about when sneaking an hour or two of Dark Souls in, no plans and arguments to think of when walking to work, all of that gone!\n\nIn your excitement to finish, you could rush the conclusion. You are only wrapping things up and summarising what you've already said after all. It doesn't take a genious to work that out, why not take it easy now so you get an extra half hour or so in bed, [[all tucked up nice and warm.]]\n\nAlternatively you could plow ahead, without taking a break and carry on this maginificent flow you've got going. Make some thought provoking statements at the close [[knowing that you've done pretty well considering the time constraints.]]

ESSAY WRITING SIMULATOR: 2014 EDITION

Upon opening the word document, your hand hovers over the keyboard, as you think about how to start. Every good essay needs a catchy title right? Something to get the examiner going, to [[stand out from the crowd?]]. \n\nOf course, you only have tonight so you could go for a title that is plain, unimaginative, some might call it <strong>DULL</strong>, but it would [[save you some time and effort.]]\n\nAdditionally, that screen is still glaring at you, distracting you from your valuable work, stopping you from thinking properly, so before you start may be a good time to [[change your screen settings.]] \n

You find yourself this brisk winter eve, with the challenge of writing a competent essay so as to achieve the grades you need to pass your degree. As usual, you have left it far too late and now have solely this evening in which write, edit and submit your essay. You give yourself the same excuse that 'the pressure makes you work better', or that 'you are skilled enough that you can create a decent essay or at least skilled enough to get the grade you need, within the space of a single evening', but deep down, you know that you slacked, procrastinated and have put off this essay until far too late when you could have easily completed it earlier this month. With a resigned sigh, [[you open a blank word document...]]

Well you don't have THAT much time, and most of the best marks go to those who've made a good first impression, which you have done so the main body of the essay can afford to be a little phoned in. You've set the ball rolling, as long as you don't astronomically fuck things up you'll be fine. You're pretty smart, you can rely on those smarts to get you through these next few paragraphs. \n\nYou spend the next few hours typing out this lacklustre essay. It's not very satisfying work, you can't really enjoy it, but what did you expect giving the time constraints? You stifle a yawn, have a stretch and sigh your way through the ordeal until with that final press of the enter key, the final paragraph is done.\n\nNow you can carry on, wrap the essay up, if the essay finishes on a high note surely the examiner will ignore the dry and mundane body of the essay, [[let's go out firing.]]\n\nAlternatively you could just bash out a couple of sentences, wrapping things up. You want this over with right? The conclusion is a tiny part of the essay so why bother fleshing it out at all? [[Just get it done and head to bed.]]

Nope. Surprisingy the flow of time itself did not change just for you. That moment of squeezing your eyes shut and praying really did nothing for you but take another minute from you that could have been better spent doing something useful, like sleeping. That in mind, you edit your essay, attatch the cover-sheet and email it over to the exam board before heading off to bed and [[waiting out the next couple of months before results day.]]

<h1>PROCRASTINATION'S FOR DICKS</h1>\n\nYou awaken at something like 5 a.m. Realisation slowly creeps up on you and you feel like screaming. How could this have happened, you should have stuck to your guns, stupid STUPID. You want to punch something, beat the shit out of whoever caused this, but of course, that's impossible.\n\nYou caused this.\n\nThat day, you try to cheer yourself up, think that yeah what you write now will be better than what you had going last night, so the penalty for missing the deadline won't effect your score as much. \n\nTwo months pass, you open your results, you would have got a 2-1, what you wrote in the end actually was pretty well received, but the penalty for missing the deadline takes it to a 2-2, not disastrous, but still... \n\n\n\nEnd.

You close the window and as such the cold breeze shuts off like a snap. You begin to type, yet you still feel uncomfortable. You realise what it is and have a small chuckle to yourself. You're actually TOO WARM now, you forgot that the central heating was on what with the cool night's breeze blowing in but with that gone, you are now just uncomfortably warm. You get up, and turn the heating down a bit, now the perfect temperature you think you're about ready to write, but a thought crosses your mind. You are finding it difficult to concentrate, you read somewhere that being dehydrated does that to you, and you are a little thirsty, so maybe it's in your best interest to [[go and make yourself a drink before starting.|So yes, why not go grab a drink quickly.]]

Blinking strongly you go ahead and change your screen settings before causing yourself any further retinal damage, your eyes thank you. \n\nYou notice also that it is a little chilly in your office. The wind billows in through your open window, this could prove a mighty distraction in your essay writing quest. It'd only take a second to close it, [[why not do that now?]]

<h1>YOU WROTE AN INCREDIBLY DULL ESSAY</h1>\n\nIt would be nice to see what your efforts reaped, but the events of that fateful day keep flashing across your mind. Where could you have improved? Where could you have added in some resemblance of life or humour? Where could you have put in some god damn effort? \n\nYour mind wanders back to this night, at first, not too often, but as results day draws nearer, ever more and ever more. Why is it so dull! Why would someone write something so devoid of sentiment or life! Your vision begins to turn greyscale, Farmville becomes your favourite game, you watch youtube videos of the old Ceefax test screens for hours on end.\n\nYou never make it to the University on results day.\n\n\nEnd.

You have a damn fine taste in biscuits, bravo. Tea and biscuits in hand you make your way back upstairs to the office. However, you find yourself in somewhat of a quandary. You simply cannot type and drink tea and eat biscuits all at the same time, you wish for a moment that you was an octopus posing as a Dad in the human world and thus would have the capacity with your eight tentacles to multi-task in such a way, but sadly, you do not. So what is the only thing you can do? Take a little rest, prepare yourself for the essay yes, but maybe [[watch something on youtube whilst preparing yourself.]]

<h1>YOU REMEMBER 70'S DISCO PRETTY WELL</h1>\n\nYou're actually feeling pretty good about this essay. It was a slow start but you managed to turn it into something you can be proud of. Nothing special, but solid, good on you. \n\nSo it's results day and you pick up the brown paper envelope from reception, everyone around you is wearing their hearts on their sleeve, either weeping in sorrow or jumping for joy.\n\nAnd you join them.\n\nYou got a friggen 1st! You were right to be proud of that work. They don't call you Essay-Writer Mcgee for no reason! You high five literally everything that resembles a hand in the building before leaving for home, humming 'September' by Earth Wind and Fire along the way.\n\n\n\nEnd.

Setting your hands back to the keyboard you type out by far one of the most compelling pieces you have ever written. If you do not receive some sort of grant or publication for this essay alone it will be an injustice. Grandiose words flow from you like a river, making your text sound more like an Oxford Dictionary than an actual essay, 'mendatious' and '[[floxinoxinihilipilification|http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=floxinoxinihilipilification]]' somehow work their way in but surely such intellect will only impress the examiner... right? \n\nCold panic suddenly hits you hard. What are you doing?! This isn't you. Normally your essays are so safe, boring yes, but safe and that's never let you down. You're on a solid 2-1, something to be proud of, why are you risking it all with these delusions of grandeur? It's too late to change the introduction, but looking back on it, it was pretty fun, and it marks it out as different, gives your essay a bit of pizzazz, but those other paragraphs, they need to go. You have just about enough time to go change what you have to, fall back on the dull and boring but safe essay structure and [[hope for the best.]]\n\nMaybe a time out is needed? You've been writing solidly now for the past four hours. You read somewhere that it is healthy to take breaks every now and again. Apparently that new [[Phoenix Wright|http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NwsQk7pPjI]] game is pretty rad and you've been meaning to give it a go, [[now may be the perfect opportunity.]] \n\nThere is another thought in your head too, almost as if life was panning out through a series of choices in your mind that you considered equally and each choice would lead to another choice in a series of pathways leading to a final conclusion whereby the events of tonight would wrap up comfortably albeit more than likely unsatisfactorily. The other thought tells you that all writers of note go through self-doubt. That it is but another test on your path to greatness. Sure you've thrown in some long words but has anyone actually bloody read Tolkien without thinking that it could do with a good few thousand words removed from it? That Peter Jackson bloke made 5 films out of that shite so I don't think anyone will mind a few long words every now and again! 'I'll show them, I'll show them all!' you shout to no-one in particular, as your hands become a blur as [[you type out the thrilling conclusion to your essay saga.]]

<h1>YOU LEARNED SOME VALUABLE LIFE LESSONS</h1>\n\nNerves are to be expected on results day, and as always, you are a shaking mess. Your hand thumbles with the envelope, eventually managing to claw it open. \n\n'You started strongly, but this essay soon lost pace and became much like something in a "how to write essays" guide. A lack of imagination and drive have doomed this essay to mediocrity. You evidentually possess some writing talent as demonstrated from your opening however be it through a lack of motivation or time, or a combination of the two this essay falls short'\n\n2-2\n\nOkay, life isn't over, you can still recover from this in future essays, but still, annoyance courses through your veins. If only there was some way to start over. Yet you realise there is nothing you can do. You must try harder next time and if anything this essay has given you the steel and grim determination to push yourself for upcoming pieces of work.\n\nEnd.

Screw it, it is your last night after all, you was never going to produce your best work so why even bother? With a mournful sigh you begin to type out your title. It works, it's there, it does its job but never before have you seen something so devoid of life and inspiration.\n\nTime to move on to the introduction. Your title may be a little plain but that doesn't neccessarily mean that your introduction has to be so too. You could always surprise the examiner by making the introduction witty, full of surprises and thoroughly [[preparing the examiner for an excellent essay.|preparing the reader for this informative and entertaining delight that they will soon digest.]]\n\nBut then again, for previous essays you've found that the introduction never really matters. You've used the same introduction over and over for the past three or four years now and it's always served. Slightly generic yes, but [[why break a tradition?|Why break a tradition?]]\n\nAlso, you note that the screen is really starting to glare at you, you probably should [[do something about that before scolding your eyeballs.]]

<h1>YOU RECEIVED A VERY DULL ENDING, FITTING HMM?</h1>\n\nIt's results day, you open the envelope, you got a 2-1.\n\nYay.\n\n\nEnd.

One sentence, two sentence, three sentence done! Boom! Bed-time now, you're all sleepy, goodnight world! Thank God that's all done with. You leap out of your chair, get yourself ready for bed and settle down for the night, drifting off into a satisfied, relaxed slumber. Dreams about Bruce Willis being worried about potential typecasting as an action hero intertwine with fighting dinosaurs wielding solely an Uchigatana. \n\nMonths pass until results day, upon which you [[receive the envolope containing your judgement.]]

You leap out of your chair, get yourself ready for bed and settle down for the night, drifting off into a satisfied, relaxed slumber. Dreams about being chased by the cast of Monsters Inc intertwine with dreams about floating out of your bedroom never ever being able to stop. Ever...\n\n\nAnyway, the following day, you go to write the essay, feeling guilty about missing your deadline but know that writing out a proper essay in a proper amount of time will make up more marks for you than you will lose by missing the deadline, or at least you hope.\n\n[[Why not find out in two months time?]]

<h1>3 MONTHS LATER</h1>\n\nIt is results day for your January assessment. That evening three months back seems like a blur, you can barely remember what you wrote but know that it was pure gold. You text your friends, laughing at their incompetence, 2-2's, 2-1's, childs play. You even sit down for some coffee outside your local cafe before opening the results, so sure you are that your results are of the highest standard, [[you peel the envelope open...]]

moments pass...\n\nAnd a few more...\n\nSeriously, are you going to keep whistling the Doctor Who themetune to yourself or [[go to bed?|or is it?]]

With a smile on your face you wrap up your essay with a bang. It's only a few sentences so it won't take too much effort to make them special. You surmise your main points and even question the validity of the question you are being asked. With a sigh of relief you email the essay to the examiners, make yourself a warming cup of tea and settle yourself into bed whilst watching a couple of fights on SaltyBet. Of course those couple of fights turn into a couple of hundred but that's no matter, the essay is done and you can take a well deserved rest. \n\nA couple of months pass uneventfully until [[that special day whereby you receive your results.]]

Every writer has a moment of self doubt, confusion as to whether they are brilliance personified or speaking out of their arse. Being the truly magnificent writer that you are you cannot help but laugh at the fact that even you went through that same short period of malady. With a contented smile on your face, you wrap up your epic saga, the final sentence as good as the first, your conclusion challenging both the very nature of humanity and why one should spend so much time writing an essay in the first place when one could be discovering miracles of nature and wonder. \n\nEssay completed, you submit it online to the examiner, close down your computer, shut off the office lights, sleepily but happily make your way to the bedroom before collapsing into bed where you will have a deep dreamless sleep. \n\nThe next day you positively skip to University to print out the hard copy and hand it in. Your hand trembles as you sign the declaration that none of it is plagiarised, knowing that you are signing a piece of histroy, an instant classic. \n\nNow comes the three month wait until you [[get the results back...]]

You prepare your reader for what will be quite clearly the most important thing they read all year. Words can't quite describe the emotional journey that they will go on but yours somehow have. The examiner may as well give you a 1'st class grade now because never before has such a perfect introduction been written. \n\nOn that note, do you, safe in the knowledge that you have impressed the examiner with a world class introduction, step off the gas a little and thoroughly [[argue your opening paragraphs]], but with not quite as much depth as you know you could go into given more time.\n\nSecondly, your mind alive with quotes, facts, figures and all sorts of imaginative essay writing gold, you can continue as you began. Become the modern Marx, wow the audience as Shakespeare reborn and [[pave the way to a new way of thinking armed with your keyboard sword held high.]]\n\nOr, it is getting a little too cold in here now, you don't want any distractions when you're as on fire as you are right now, the window is right next to you, just next to the book shelf which you will one day have many published works of genius on, [[why not close the window?]]

Three hours later and you fist bump the air, (narrowly avoiding your computer screen and thus disaster), throughly triumphant in your lack of effort. You stand proud of your dull and shallow essay, for you managed to fight off distractions, cold, dark thoughts on the state of the current education system, and you beat temptation into over-extravagance, trying to reach something clearly outside of your capabilities in such a short period of time. You are a hero for all things <h1>dull.</h1> \n\nTwo months later and your uneventful life leads you to results day, [[may as well check and see what your 'heroic' efforts reaped.]]

Zak Toms (@ZakToms)

<h1>Thank you for playing!</h1>\n\nOkay but why the fuck did you get the ending you did? \n\nWell this was my entry for #DULLJAM, most people who play this will know what that is but for those of you that don't here's a little overview. It is a games making jam by the guys at [[Midnight Resistance|http://midnightresistance.co.uk/]] whereby the challenge is to create a game about dull everyday activities over the space of a month or so. The thesis is that everyone plays games about killing dragons, fighting wars, being pro-sportsmen but not very often do you actually get to do everyday things, mainly because it's everyday things are generally bloody awful and why would anyone want to spend their precious time not even doing it but //simulating it//. However, it is kind of nice to take a short time to see what's possible using Twine, a text based adventure games creating system, to create games based on these mindless tasks. Hence my entry about writing an essay, (something that I'm putting off by making this game, META).\n\nSo, this ending huh? Not that dull. Well go back, try other options, there are multiple options and branching pathways like an actual real game. The only reason you got this ridiculous ending was because you ignored the dull option and went for excitement and drama, which is where it became less about dull stuff and attempted some light entertainment. It became a game essentially which is why you got generic action ninja slashing your head off with his brother at the end.\n\nAnyway, I hope you enjoyed, and I would reccomend taking a look at the other choices, whether or not you'll enjoy them is a completely different matter, but the endings do vary dramatically so it's up to you if you want to waste another five minutes of your life. \n\nCheers!\n\nZak Toms xx

You settle on a cup of tea as the best option to quench your ever-increasing thirst, and what does every good cup of tea need? Biscuits! [[Custard cream?]] Or [[ginger snap?|Custard cream?]]

You close the window and as such the cold breeze shuts off like a snap. You begin to write down the title, yet you still feel uncomfortable. You realise what it is and have a small chuckle to yourself. You're actually TOO WARM now, you forgot that the central heating was on what with the cool night's breeze blowing in but with that gone, you are now just uncomfortably warm. You get up, and turn the heating down a bit, now the perfect temperature you think you're about ready to write, but a thought crosses your mind. You are finding it difficult to concentrate, you read somewhere that being dehydrated does that to you, and you are a little thirsty, so maybe it's in your best interest to [[go and make yourself a drink before starting.|So yes, why not go grab a drink quickly.]]

Defiant to the end, you physically hammer the keys, typing out with a ferocity as never before seen by mankind. Upon reflection, the essay isn't half bad, it's just a shame that it's now 6am and you feel physically sick. With a grunt, you click the send button to send the copy off to your examiner before collapsing in your chair into a deep and uninterrupted slumber. \n\n<h1>[[2 MONTHS LATER]]</h1>