You're the Best

The grizzled old man looks at you: "we need brave warriors, be you one? or be ye a coward?" [[You tell him you're a brave warrior]] [[You tell him you're a coward]]

The old man cracks a wry smile "Just what we need to slay the dragon, come with me - the townspeople are assembling" [[You walk off with the old man and begin your adventure|assembly]]

The old man stares you up and down "Nonesense! you look plenty brave! Come, the townspeople are leaving soon to fight the dragon" [[He takes your arm and drags you along on an adventure|assembly]]

You enter the town square with the old man. The villagers are massed in front of a stage, upon which the mayor of the town is nearing the end of a rousing speech. "... We will avenge our fallen families and friends, and finally end the reign of our terrible tormentor! For the fallen!" The crowd explodes with cheers and shouts. Despite missing the majority of the speech, even you [[feel]] a little [[roused|march]]by her speech

Like your heart has grown, it beats faster now your body trembles and shivers - but it is excitement, not apprehension your hands sweat a little, holding on to something you shake yourself [[out of it|march]]

Motivated by the mayor's speech the townspeople are marching out of the square. they know where to go, everyone knows the dragon makes its home on Destruction Mountain. The people who march out of the village are thunder and lightning But as Destruction Mountain looms closer and closer, the pace of the march slows and slows really slooooooooooooow [[You adjust your pace to match the group]] [[You continue at the original pace |marching alone]]

You march on and soon you've completely left the villagers behind. Ahead, Destruction Mountain: coal black and as sinister as any mountain that ever gave residence to a dragon The ground is littered with weapons, and the bones of those who raised them against the lord of Destruction mountain. the smell of sulphur is thick You hear a noise it's growing louder the beating of [[wings]]

The Group's pace slows to a crawl Then they just stop You stand around looking at the villagers, all scared faces [[Some are sitting on the ground now]]

No matter how hard you try, you cannot persuade them to continue the march. They won't even stand up or look at you You sigh dejectedly [[You set off on your own|marching alone]] [[You sit down and give up like the rest of them]]

The area the march stopped at is very desolate. Aside from Destruction Mountain standing vigil in the distance there is nothing to look at. The villagers look like marionettes with no controller. Glass eyed, they stare into the middle distance and don't say or do anything. There is nothing for you here [[Get up and leave|marching alone]] [[Sit with the puppets]]

There is nothing here, the game has moved on. Heroic protagonists don't sit around with the purposeless NPCs when there is a dragon to kill. [[Now get back to marching|marching alone]] [[Continue to sit]]

Alright, I'm done giving you choices. Either get up and [[march|interlude]] or just shut the game off Writers and filmmakers and playwrights don't have to put up with this bullshit, and I won't eiher.

Good choice. I knew you'd come around [[You're the best|marching alone]]

The Dragon swoops down on you, but somehow misses. You're just that good The Dragon turns and begins to make a second pass You search the field for some kind of weapon You see a [[spear]] and a [[bow]] Hurry! Grab one!

Scrambling through the dirt you snatch up the bow, but you didn't think to look for arrows as well. The Dragon looms ever closer while you frantically search for something to string your bow with. Out of the corner of your eye you spot the shaft of an arrow. Grabbing it you quickly notch your bow. But The Dragon is upon you! [[You let fly with the arrow|ineffective]]

You yank the spear out of the skeletal grasp of some long dead hero, and take aim at the approaching Dragon. It flies closer Closer It is upon you and you [[throw your spear|ineffective]]

Your weapon bounces harmlessly off of The Dragon's scales Of course weapons wouldn't work. All these previous heroes had weapons and look where it got them. Thankfully you still have an [[ace in the hole]]

Time slows down, or at least it seems to. You scan The Dragon's entire body, until you notice its weakpoint It's red and flashing You [[click on it with all your might]]

The Dragon cannot withstand the dexterous tendons and anatomical knowledge of the seasoned gamer. Naturally, it violently explodes; showering the area with blood and viscera The villagers you left behind earlier choose this moment to catch up to you. Seeing your handiwork, they hoist you onto their shoulders and cheer for you. You're the best! You're the best! You're the best! They take you back to the village and you get a [[fancy parade|Fancy Parade]]

The Parade is amazing, streamers and floats and balloons and marching bands. Choruses of people chanting "You're the best! You saved us!" it feels good to be a hero As your parade continues through the streets an alien armada descends upon the town. It's mission: to enslave humanity and use them as shock troops in the upcoming intergalactic war. The aliens are led by the fearsome tyrant N'zallghaphod who has genocided countless sentient species and become so powerful he can extinguish suns through sheer force of will. [[But you just click|click 2]]

[[and click some more |click 3]]

[[Click again |click 4]]

[[click one more time |click 5]]

[[Okay for realsies, one more click should do it|parade return]]

And the alien armada turns into cotton candy and streamers and a petting zoo and confetti and a merry go round and a ferris wheel and fireworks The chants grow louder "You're the best! You're the best! You're the best!" And you start to believe it a Husband and wife approach you with their two sickly children "Our children are sick and dying, please help them!" uh-oh, looks like moral quandry time. Do you choose to save Sickly child one [[click|sick child]] Or Sickly child two [[click|sick child]] This is a really hard decision, you should take it very seriously

Nah, just screwing with you. You just turned an alien armada into confectionary, you think curing some incurable diseases is a big deal for you? You're [[THE PLAYER|compliment]] You're God here This whole world was created with you in mind. If it was 3D I would have it literally revolve around you So of course you can cure the diseases of all [[children|cure child]]

And what a handsome, beautiful, smart, wise, funny, creative, amazing, brave, successful, and meaningful player you are ;) [[click here to cure the children|cure child]]

Wow, you totally just healed those kids. You should see their parents right now - they're really happy You're the best Did you know that? As if Slaying Dragons and saving the world from aliens wasn't enough You set time aside in your busy schedule to stick up for the little guy You're truly the model we should all strive towards But you're not done yet oh no no no With a mighty click you [[solve world hunger|hunger]]

Look at all those hungry people who now have food to eat forever. You're the best With another [[click you bring about world peace|peace]]

Wow, that group of dudes was just about to kill that other group of dudes but you sure put a stop to that. Now they're laying down their arms and embracing one another with the arms of brotherhood. Wow You're amazing, how did you do that? But you're not finished Oh no, you've got a much more important task ahead of you With the hardest [[click yet you give every human on earth an adorable capybara that will never need food or water and is always super chill and cozy and oh they're also hypoallergenic and love to cuddle and they're great with kids|capybara]]

Everyone loves their capybaras, clearly your most significant decision yet. The Capys are doing great too Really, they should be called "happybaras" instead because of how happy they are. Wow, you're the best. like really, [[just the best|resolution]]

Everyone's chanting it now, [[can't you hear it?|final 1]]

[[YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!|final 2]]

[[YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!|final 1]]