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Please come in. There is a chair waiting for you there. If you decide to sit on the floor... well we might stare at you and judge but nonetheless sit down and get comfortable. As you know this is going to be an interview process. Hopefully you came prepared? Right? I think you heard from us last week, we gave you a call, an early heads up what to expect and what to bring. Don't remember that huh? Let me just write that down. Anyway, my name is...absolutely irrelevant. How about we start with your name: <<textbox "$name" "">> <h1>[[GREAT!|First]]</h1>

<<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $name. <</if>> Seriously... Really though? That's your name? That's the big reveal? <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $name. <</if>> You sure that wasn't a [[typo|Again]]. Alright. Huh. Well let's get [[started]], shall we?

I guess you made a mistake, why don't you give it another try: <<textbox "$name" "">> [[Let's go!|Second]]

Umm. Again, huh? Alright, what is your real name? <<textbox "$name" "">> [[You sure this time?|Third]]

<<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $name. <</if>> You sure this time? That's your name? That's the big reveal? The BIG reveal? <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $name. <</if>> Not a [[typo|Return]]? Alright... Well let's get [[started]] please.

<<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $name. <</if>> This is getting a little ridiculous. <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $name. <</if>> You sure that wasn't a [[typo|Enough]]. Like ACTUALLY a typo...We need to get this interview started. Alright. Ready? Let's get [[started]].

Please stand up. The door is on your [[right|Welcome 2]]. This has been a pleasure. Don't call us, we won't call you. Hold on a second. You said you were <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $status... <</if>> Whatever permission you thought you had to speak to me, I hereby remove.

Please come in. Take a seat in the nearest conveniently placed sittable location... Wait hold on a second. You again... I thought I made it clear. You won't be hearing back from us... Security!!! GET THIS HUMAN OUT OF MY OFFICE. What was your name again? <<textbox "$name" "">> <h1>[[Unbelievable.|Welcome]]</h1> Let's go back to the beginning.

According to your resume, your previous job was <<textbox "$box" "">>? Is that correct? ... Really? Are you lying? I have a feeling you aren't taking this interview seriously. Are you 100% satisfied with your answer for: <p class="thick">Previous Job Title?</p> [[Yes]] [[No]]

<<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $box. <</if>> I see. I guess it adds some character to you. I mean it's no astronaut but... Speaking of character, I am having a bit of trouble picturing you. Can you help me by filling out the following survey: Hair colour: <<textbox "$hair" "">> Skin colour: <<textbox "$skin" "">> Eye colour: <<textbox "$eye" "">> Clothing: <<textbox "$clothing" "">> Height: <<textbox "$height" "">> Weight: <<textbox "$weight" "">> Ethnicity: <<textbox "$ethnicity" "">> Gender: <<textbox "$gender" "">> Sex: <<textbox "$sex" "">> Relationship Status: <<textbox "$status" "">> Are you all [[done]]?

>>><img src="http://www.businesspundit.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/NASA-Astronaut-Hiring.jpg" alt="A photo of a hallway and two doors" /> Since you didn't take this seriously... I won't provide you with the opportunity. I will simply flaunt that in your face. >>>>>>>>>>>><h1>[[Now|Enough]]</h1>

I'll have you know I yawn when I’m interested. <h1>IT DOES NOT MATTER</h1> Want to know [[why]]?

Why would it matter? All those characteristics really do is show us what you look like on the outside. If we hired based on looks...well we don't. You are a perfect candidate for the position except one thing...you don't know what the position is, do you? Well that might be an issue. Let's do a quick run through of what we might potentially be able to offer [[you]].

<h1>Congratulations</h1> I've never seen anyone get that on the first try unless they used a calculator. Did you use a calculator? Well? Did you? Own up to [[it.|Enough]] No? THEN IMPRESSIVE. You've shown us intelligence and problem solving. I am ecstatic to provide you with the opportunity to work for <h1>NASA</h1> Now you probably think this is some kind of joke right? Click here:https://www.nasa.gov/about/career/index.html That's right. <h1>NASA IS HIRING</h1> I mean we are hiring, yes, we are hiring. But if you aren't interested, which is absurd, I guess there is no real reason to keep you. [[Unless]]...

Hold on a second. Who are YOU? Quickly. What's the square root of 64? a) [[24]] b) [[16]] c) [[8]] d) [[4]] e) [[2]] f) [[32]]

LOOK WHO IT IS. THE NUMBER <h1>2</h1> Do you get it? You might have skipped the other options... well no matter. Let's make that window. <img src="http://orig02.deviantart.net/51de/f/2008/297/1/3/one_plus_one_equals_window_by_invaderkiwi.jpg" /> How old did you say you were again? <<textbox "$age" "">> Well...<<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $name. <</if>> Your writing resembles that of a kindergartener. I am sorry to inform you, but that is the incorrect answer. One final chance. [[Try Again|you]].

You are getting there. Ever notice that <h1>2 x 2 = 4</h1> What about that old 2 x 2 = <h1>window joke</h1> Now I wonder, did you actually try and form a window with a pair of twos? I don't think did. Did you even take a second to consider what that even looks like? Did you figure it out yet? Did you notice where you went wrong? ... That old window joke is <h1>1 + 1 = window</h1> That's okay. Don't beat yourself up for trying. I mean you might be the joke of the office for a while but I will give you another chance to fix the error of your [[ways|you]].

<h1>24</h1> eh? Interesting choice. Unfortuntely that is not the correct answer. why don't you give it another shot? [[Try Again|you]]

Ummm... that's not quite right is it. I mean <h1>16 x 16 = 256</h1> Great that's something new you probably never bothered to look up. Typically we don't let this happen but do you want another [[try?|you]]

Persistent around you? <h1>CONGRATULATIONS</h1> Oh did you click her by accident? Surely you used a calcultor and go the right answer right away...or did you actually try all the options first thinking you'd come accross some easter egg? Well I am glad to inform you, this was part of the test. You showed determination, resilience, persistence, and dedication. (Ignoring that you could have just by chance clicked this last option) Now that we have an idea of who YOU are... we can tell you the position you are applying for. [[BIG REVEAL]]

You didn't show us your intellect...or the ability to do problem solving...but you did show us vigor and that is the exact thing we are looking for in a hard working, determined, and persistent >>><h1>GARBAGE MAN/WOMAN</h1> It's everything you've ever dreamed of no? Are YOU not satisfied? Well.. let's get the facts: Job Title: Garbage Man, Waste Management Worker, Garbage Collector, Refuse Worker, Sanitation Worker Office: In a garbage truck or landfill Description: Pick up and transport waste for disposal Certifications/Education: Commercial Driver’s License Necessary Skills: Strong arms, legs, and back, able to deal with odors Potential Employers: Governments and Private Waste management Firms Pay: $11 to $25 per hour or $26,000 to $46,000 per year, some can make up to $80,000 Somewhere along the line, I must have given you the impression I cared. I apologize. I guess some people are too hard to [[please|Enough]].

You said earlier you were a <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>> $ethnicity<</if>> <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>>$sex<</if>> with <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>>$hair<</if>> hair and <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>>$eye<</if>> eyes. That's correct? Hmm perhaps you might be suited for an even better position... This is a once in a lifetime opportunity but in order for me to offer this signature deal to you, you'll have to perform a series of tests. Are you [[ready]] for that?

>>>>>>>>>[[Physical Readiness Test]] >>>>>>>>>[[Mental Stability Test]] >>>>>>>>>[[Personality Test]] Once you've completed the three Assessments please keep a clear record of your results and proceed [[forward]] for your amazing job opportunity.

Click the following link below: https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment Once you've completed the test, return back to the [[Assessment Page|ready]] to complete the other two tests.

Follow the link below to complete a government certified personality test: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test Of course it is government approved. Does this seem like a joke? Great. You seem to have completed the test. Keep your results in mind. Move [[forward|ready]].

In order to complete the following assessment, you will need to clear the space around you. Record number of pushups in 1 minute: <<textbox "$push" "">> Record number of situps in 1 minute: <<textbox "$sit" "">> Record time balanced on one leg: <<textbox "$foot" "">> Can you touch your toes when standing up: <<textbox "$reach" "">> Hold your breath as long as possible (seconds): <<textbox "$air" "">> Great. Nice work. Now time to complete the other 2 [[evaluations|ready]]!

You must complete the three tests in order to progress forward. Please be adviced this will be a faulty assessment if you do not chose to participate in all three tests. I mean it, this is highly sensitive material I am about to offer you. Please [[go back|ready]] if you have suddenly realized you have not completed the three tests. Go on. We won't look down on you whatsoever. I promise. Return back to this window once you've completed the tests and let us move [[ahead]].

You lazy prick. I know you didn't actually perform the physical readiness test. Don't try to cheat the system! <h1>YOU WILL REQUIRE THE RESULTS.</h1> Here is your chance to go [[back|Physical Readiness Test]]. Go on. Finish it. Don't keep us all waiting. Unless you did finish it, kudos to you. >>>>>>>>>>><h1> [[READY]] </h1>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Are you [[CONFUSED]]?

Did you think we were building up all this suspense for an unimaginable job opportunity? Did you think once you completed the three assessments we would give you the opportunity to work for that "once in a lifetime" opportunity? Did you really think...being able to do <<if $name is "Adam">> <<else>>$push<</if>> push ups was going to make you stand out as an exceptional candidate? <h1> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA[[HAHA]]</h1>

Well you were absolutely right. Did that catch you off guard again? Did you think we were only making a fool out of you? Did you work up a sweat. Well, prepare yourself... because this is where we really tell you what the position is. Seriously. It isn't a joke this time. We are going to 100% reveal to you this jaw dropping opportunity. [[Proceed]]

You my friend. Can I call you friend? Anyway, YOU...that's right only the person in front of this screen can handle this. You have been chosen, out of 7.347 billion people, to pilot the rarest vessel in all of Earth. What could it be!? IT'S EVEN BETTER THAN BEING AN ASTRONAUT. Want to know what is it...well it's standing right outside your [[window]].

Please tell me you didn't actually go and look outside... Ugh maybe we made a mistake... But we will give this opportunity to you. Finally after all this waiting. After putting up with this nonesense. The endless reading. The tests. [[The end.]]

<img src="https://skvltd.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/20120701_150615.jpg" alt="A photo of a hallway and two doors" /> Not sure what that is? Did you study it, pay close attention to the asian man with the bald spot? <h1> DID YOU REALLY LOOK CLOSELY AT IT </h1> Still not [[interested|Enough]]?