Cats and Cucumbers

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Cats & Cucumbers Illustrations & Story by Christina Orr You are born. You are a [[cat]]. You are a [[cucumber]]. You are [[nothing]].

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cat_zpssjtyxr2w.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo cat_zpssjtyxr2w.jpg"/> You are a cat. What will you name yourself? [[mrow-row]] [[meoooooowr]] [[mmmmmMMMMRRROOOOOOOOWR]]

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber_zpsyotzhuh0.jpg" border="0" alt="cucumber photo cucumber_zpsyotzhuh0.jpg"/> You are a cucumber. You dream of being [[pickled]], [[free]], [[a cat]].

[[Rebirth?|Birth]]

Good choice. The name mrow-row reflects your minimalist sensibilties and attention to detail. You will go [[far]] in the cat rankings.

Good choice. The name meoooooowr reflects your seductive charm and and need for approval. This name will bring you bountiful [[offspring]].

Good choice. The name mmmmmMMMMRRROOOOOOOOWR reflects your impulsive attitude and your need to be heard at all times. This name will keep [[humans]] far from you.

You are a tiny baby cucumber. You dream of the day that your satisfying crunch will be offset by a briney tang. You are confident that you will be [[picked]] to be pickled. You believe the vine tomato next to you who whispers that you are too assymetrical and [[undesirable]]. You will never be picked.

You will never be free. You will always be captive, whether to a farmer, or a pickle jar, or a cat. No matter where you find yourself, you will always be produce. <img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20frightened_zpstq52kpww.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo cucumber frightened_zpstq52kpww.jpg"/> [[Reborn?|Birth]]

You watch the farmer's cat gallop through the fields, paw at dragonflies, and take naps wherever he pleases. Your fleshy innards boil in jealousy at the life of the cat. If only you could switch places... You [[call]] the cat over. You continue to [[watch]] the cat.

You are confident that you will be picked. Every ounce of your cucumber juice is siphoned towards enhancing your crunch. And one day, it happens. One day you feel a clawed hand spear itself through your skin and tug you off of your vine. You have the sudden strange urge to [[be used in detox juice|healthy]] [[have sex]] [[let someone annoy you|annoy]]

You know that you are undesirable. You shield yourself from the sun under a broad leaf so no one can cast their gaze on your unsightly form. Void of hope and nutrition you wither away. You will never become a pickle, you will never meet a cat, and you will never believe in yourself. <img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20frightened_zpstq52kpww.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo cucumber frightened_zpstq52kpww.jpg"/> [[Rebirth?|Birth]]

You are happy. You detox every week with cucumber water and friskies, only smoke organic catnip, and only hunt free range mice. You embark on your weekly expedition of [[cucumber hunting]].

You decide to get the cat's attention. You open the small crease just beneath your vine cap, compress your seedy innards together, and squeeze as hard as you can to displace the air. A sharp whistle is omitted from your mouth crevice and the cat's ears swivel towards you. You [[shake]] your body to motion the cat to come over. You [[whistle]] again.

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20frightened_zpstq52kpww.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo cucumber frightened_zpstq52kpww.jpg"/> You watch the cat forever, confined to the stasis of your soul. The cat is creeped out by your staring and never exchanges words with you. You die in the hopes that you will be reborn as a cat. [[Rebirth?|Birth]]

You are [[happy]]. Your thick jowls attract all manner of mammals, your caterwaul has the perfect pitch, and your kitten litters dominate the farm in exponential numbers.

You are happy. You gallop through the fields driving away any forms of life, your oddly off kilter meows keep anything with ears at bay, and your affinity for stuffed toys keeps you locked out of the farmers house. This is all you ever wanted, to be truly yourself by driving away [[everyone else]].

You smell a cucumbery waft of air trailing towards you. A sharp whistle follows...you have been summoned. You swivel your ears and [[leap|hunt]] towards the cucumber vine.

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20sexy%20seeds_zpsgez2nwat.jpg" border="0" alt="love photo cucumber sexy seeds_zpsgez2nwat.jpg"/> The cat has speared you on its claw. "I want to reproduce with you" you tell the cat. You begin shooting out seeds towards its ear cavities. "Wait, HEY NO STOP THAT OK. You're doing it all wrong. I'm not even in heat you creep." The cat leaves. Your rejection was so traumatic that you never reproduce again. You die alone, lamenting what could have been. [[Reborn?|Birth]]

You shake your body from side to side. The cat instantly bounds over to you and swats at your swaying form. You are surprised at how [[healthy]] the cat looks how much you want to [[have sex]] with the cat how [[annoying|annoy]] it is that the cat is batting you

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20seeds_zpsitc3wvfe.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo cucumber seeds_zpsitc3wvfe.jpg"/> You cramp up your body in an attempt to repeat the whistle. Unfortunately, seeds spew out of your mouth crease. You have lost all your innards and you only have hours to live. Howevever, not all hope is lost. Your seeds have been distributed and miniature versions of you will grow in your place. Maybe they will know the cat, maybe they will become pickles, maybe they will be nothing just like you. [[Rebirth?|Birth]]

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20juice_zpsbgdgljwj.jpg" border="0" alt="juice photo cucumber juice_zpsbgdgljwj.jpg"/> The claws squeeze you and a rough pink tongue begins drinking your water. "This is the end," you think. The end you were craving. Your nutritional content will go on to strengthen the life of the cat that is draining you. You beam in the glory of envy radiating from the surrounding cucumbers. You have been picked. You are worthy. [[Rebirth?|Birth]]

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20victim_zpshuj68axk.jpg" border="0" alt="victim photo cucumber victim_zpshuj68axk.jpg"/> The cat bats at your body while making low, incoherent meowling noises. It rolls around while kicking at you with his hind legs. This is all indeed quite annoying. The cat is delighted that it finally found someone to annoy forever, someone who could never leave. You are stuck now, stuck being the cat's eternal victim. But it's what you wanted, wasn't it? [[Rebirth?|Birth]]

Once every bird has left, once every ant has relocated, once even the humans have moved, you have no one left to annoy. You realize you do not feel yourself with nobody left to pester. You search through the fields in frustration, [[sniffing]] for any living creature.

You smell a cucumbery waft of air trailing towards you. A sharp whistle follows...you have been summoned. You swivel your ears and [[leap]] towards the cucumber vine.

You spot the cucumber that has called you and delightfully spear it with your [[claw]].

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20victim_zpshuj68axk.jpg" border="0" alt="victim photo cucumber victim_zpshuj68axk.jpg"/> The cucumber cowers in fear and confusion as you emit strange noises and imitate abstract shapes with your body. The cucumber can never leave. You have found your forever victim and you live a happy life. [[Rebirth?|Birth]]

However, it's just not enough...having all the mammals was once satisfying. Now, your need for approval has become unsatiable. You prowl the fields in frustration, [[searching]] for something new.

You smell a cucumbery waft of air trailing towards you. A sharp whistle follows...you have been summoned. You swivel your ears and [[leap|find]] towards the cucumber vine.

You spear the cucumber on your claw and caress it gently with your other paw. You imagine how this beautiful green creature will fulfil your unexplored [[fantasies]].

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20sexy%20seeds_zpsgez2nwat.jpg" border="0" alt="love photo cucumber sexy seeds_zpsgez2nwat.jpg"/> The cucumber spews seeds into your ear cavities. "I want to reproduce with you" the cucumber reveals. "Creep, I'm not even in heat," you lie to the vegetable. You run away, disheartened by your incompatible sexual organs. Part of you wonders what would have happened if you gave the cucumber a chance... [[Rebirth?|Birth]]

<img src="http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk73/ihavefrogs/cucumber%20juice_zpsbgdgljwj.jpg" border="0" alt="juice photo cucumber juice_zpsbgdgljwj.jpg"/> You approach a cucumber who appears to be begging for consumption. You squeeze it gently and lick its dewy juices. The cucumber sighs in relief as you reap its nutritional content. "What a weirdo, enjoying this so much," you think to yourself. But even the creepiness of the cucumber cannot detract from how wonderful its flavour is. You continue your life draining cucumbers and living a healthy active lifestyle. Aren't you lucky you made such good choices? [[Rebirth? It surely can't go better than this.|Birth]]