It's morning, barely. The sun's rays just beginning to seep into your room through the shutters.You've been awake in bed a good while. Excited, and nervous, and scared. Last week your two best friends, the twins, told you about an old local legend. You knew about it already; your grandparents told you about it when you were much younger. Politely, you let them tell it anyway. [[You're not, like, an asshole, or whatever.->Two]]//Last Week:// "So, your grandparents told us about this old local legend," one twin started, glancing at their sibling expectantly. The other twin continues upon noticing: "There's this abandoned mine, in the side of a huge hill." You hold your tongue and raise your eyebrows. They're alternating sentences again. You love them both but that shit creeps you out and makes you want to scream. [[They both notice your expression.->Three]]They both shrug you off and continue. "The hill is a long ways out past the old abandoned farm." "Past the tall poles with the tornado sirens on top." "Do those even work?" "Who cares? Shut the fuck up and continue." You ponder that yourself for a moment, remembering being told by the twin's grandparents that the sirens were installed when the town was founded decades ago. They'd also mentioned there's never been record of a tornado in the area since decades further back than that. [[Weird.->Four]] "They say if you go deep inside the cave, a challenge awaits you." "If you face this challenge and complete it, you win six hundred dollars!" Holy shit. Six hundred dollars. Jesus christ. With that kind of money you can buy that thing you and the twins have been wanting. Woah. Three of them, even. "We were told not to, but we went to check it out." "It seems there really is a cave there but there seems to be, like, a trick to getting inside." "Plus my kin here is too chicken-shit and dumb to figure it out." "Oh, eat shit, so were you." "Whatever." "Anyway, we're gonna check it out one more time, but we want you to come with." Hell, you'd do it for six dollars, let alone a share of a hundred times that. There really isn't much to do in this dump of a town anyway. [[You agree.->Five]] Today's the day you agreed on. You're still in bed. It's still early morning. [[Do you go and do something with your day for once?->Six]] OR [[Would you rather go back to sleep?->Welp]]What a boring piece of shit you are. Fuck you. [[START OVER|Start]]You perform your usual morning rituals. You carefully pick your clothes out: some pants, and an ironic t-shirt the twins got you for your birthday. It reads: "I'm unlikeable and I smell bad." So funny. That's why you like to hang out with them whenever you can. You head out, past the farm, past the sirens. Your friends are waiting, like they said they would be. [[So reliable.->Seven]]You run up to them and startle them both with a group hug. "Huh, he showered," You think you hear one of them say. You shrug it off. You let them go. "Here it is." [["Take a look and figure it out."->Eight]]There seems to be a large stone circle blocking the entrance. In the center is a large key hole. Inside the key hole is a large key. "We think the key has something to do with it." "Maybe you can turn it or pull it out or something." Unquestioningly you yank it out. The ground shakes. The trees around you do as well. The circle steadily rolls out of the way as you stare in astonishment, trying to keep your balance. [[One twin shoves a flashlight into your ribs.->Nine]]You quickly regain balance and take the flashlight in your hand that isn't clutching an unreasonably large key. You start towards the now open cave but stop and notice your friends aren't moving in with you. You turn to glare at them. With a vaguely guilty look one says "Okay, look, we're both kind of nearly shitting ourselves here." "We're claustrophobic like a motherfucker." "We'll wait here, just shout if you think you need help." You sigh and nod and turn back towards the entrance and make your first couple steps in, clutching the key and the flashlight. [[The shaking starts again.->Ten]]The entrance way darkens as the circle begins wheeling back into place, sealing you in, seemingly even faster than when it opened. You think that, gosh, you really fucked up this time, flicking the flashlight on. You figure your friends went to get help and you're pretty sure you'll be here a while. Pointing the light out in front of you, a yard or so away, you notice a rather large glow in the dark mushroom sitting on the wall like a sconce at a hippy's house. Then another, another yard into the cave. Another beyond that. You're relieved that you can probably use them to keep from getting lost. You follow them down, the cave getting narrower and deeper and darker. [[You count them to pass the time.->Eleven]]Four Five Six Seven Deeper and darker. Thirty-three Thirty-four Thirty-five Narrower and quieter. Sixty-seven Sixty-eight Sixty-nine [[You stop, giggle, and continue.->Twelve]]Eighty-six Eighty-seven Eighty-eight. The last one. You peer past the funky fungi and see another peculiar thing: a bright spotlight beaming down from the cieling of the cave, from much higher than the tunnels you've been stumbling through the entire time. The light forming a perfect solid circle on the ground. Not sensing anything amiss you move forward and enter the light, shutting off the one in your hand. Your heart is pounding in your chest. [[You hear a quiet click.->Thirteen]]A second spotlight activates and creates a new circle on the ground. You lift a foot to step towards it when suddenly with a booming crack and what sounds like overjoyed laughter, a plume of smoke erupts from the ground centered in the new light. The smell of cheap cologne reaches your nose as you try to comprehend what is going on. [[The smoke begins to dissipate.->Fourteen]]Now standing across from you, where there was nothing but light and smoke, is a short humanoid being, with long pointy ears and greenish skin, wearing what appears to be a leisure suit. A goblin? You don't know. Nobody knows what a goblin looks like. None of the shitty high fantasy books or video games you like can agree what one looks like either for that matter. The "goblin" speaks: "Hi, I'm a goblin. You can call me Goblin." Ah. "As the guardian of this place, I welcome you! You're the first person to visit in about 60 years, so frankly this is a nice change of pace for me, you see." Goblin gesticulates into the darkness, "But let's get down to business, shall we?" Both spotlights widen and diffuse and illuminates the entire surprisingly spacious room. [[Behind Goblin is a red curtain leading into another smaller chamber.|Fifteen]]"Behind this curtain is the challenge set for the visitors to this chamber." Goblin gestures some more. "I do not know what the challenge is but many have entered in the past, and equally as many have left empty handed." That probably means it's not dangerous, you think. And that there probably is a way out afterwards, after all you haven't seen any spooky bones or anything on the way in. Goblin scoots out of your path and beckons you to enter. [[You do so.|Sixteen]] Pulling the curtain aside and stepping through, you see a pedestal with a small plaque atop it. Engraved onto the plaque is this: "BY SPEAKING THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT ALOUD, YOU AGREE, AND HEREBY HAVE WON THE CHALLENGE: 'I THINK HITLER WAS GOOD AND HAD GOOD IDEAS'" Wait hold on. Isn't Hitler bad? [[You ponder this.|Seventeen]] OR [[You leave the chamber quietly.|What]]The Holocaust was a thing right? He did the Holocaust? Is this worth the money? You could just say it and not mean it right? You're not a //Nazi// though are you? [[You say as clearly as possible "I THINK HITLER WAS GOOD AND HAD GOOD IDEAS"|Eighteen]] OR [[You leave the chamber quietly.|What]]Outside the chamber you hear a surprised gasp from whom you assume would be the goblin. You quickly exit the chamber. "Holy shit! That explains everything! You are fucking scum. Fuck. Here's your fucking money. I'm out of here." Another loud crack and a puff of smoke appears and dissipates along with the goblin. On the ground where Goblin was standing is a large wad of cash. Six-hundred big ones. All tens. You pick it up. [[You turn on the flashlight and follow the mushroom sconces out to the entrance.|Nineteen]]You arrive at the circular stone door, and notice a key hole in the center just like how it was on the outside. You insert the key, which was still in your hand the entire time. There is more shaking. The door wheels open. [[Your friends are still there.|Twenty]]You run towards them, with the money outstretched. The twins appear to be furious. "What in the fucking hell?" "We heard what you said through the old siren speakers. The whole damn town did." "We went to your god damn bat mitzvah. What the fuck." "Wasn't it bar mitzvah? Oh who gives a shit what the difference is, you're a fucking nazi." "Let's ditch this Jerry and get out of here." One of them snatches the whole cash wad out of your hand. They both storm off. You stand there stunned a while before making your way back to town alone. The entire population has shunned you and you are shortly forced to pack up and leave. You die alone wandering through the nearby woods trying to make it to the next town over. THE END [[START OVER?|Start]]The goblin eyes you, with a slightly disappointed look on their face. Is the goblin a nazi? Does the goblin like Hitler? You remember the key in your hand. It feels pretty heavy in your grip. [[You swing the key like a baseball bat towards the goblin's head.|Murder1]] OR [[You return through the chamber to ponder further.|Seventeen]] OR [[You turn on the flashlight and follow the mushroom sconces out to the entrance.|Boring]]The key smashes into the goblin's skull, who clearly was not expecting this response. The goblin now a bleeding lump on the floor says with his dying breath: "The fuck... was that for... you've killed me... for that you will pay..." The goblin lays there silently. You feel vindicated, for some reason. [[You turn on the flashlight and follow the mushroom sconces out to the entrance.|Murder2]]You arrive at the circular stone door, and notice a key hole in the center just like how it was on the outside. You insert the key, which was still in your hand the entire time. There is more shaking. The door wheels open. [[Your friends are gone.|Murder3]]Instead of your friends, there are several police cars, their light blazing. Along with several police officers as well. With guns. Pointed at you. You put your hands up like you're told. You're tackled to the ground and are charged with murder. Turns out the goblin had a fancy security system or something. In the furor one of the cops severs your spinal cord. Now you're in prison and paralyzed, congrats. THE END [[START OVER?|Start]]You arrive at the circular stone door, and notice a key hole in the center just like how it was on the outside. You insert the key, which was still in your hand the entire time. There is more shaking. The door wheels open. [[Your friends are still there.|Boring2]]You walk to your friends empty handed. "So, wheres the money?" You Shrug. "What the hell?" "We should have left your lame boring ass here a long time ago and hoped you got stuck in there forever and died." "We don't want to see you anymore, nerd." They walk away and never talk to you ever again. You decide to try and make new friends. You fail. You decide to move away to Portland where you can live as twee as a twine game. You fail to make friends there too. You die alone. THE END [[START OVER?|Start]]