I tried and tried and I can’t get up. I don’t feel good. I need to take today off.\n\nYou’re not going to graduate and you’re going to cost your parents thousands of dollars and you don’t even have the retail experience to get a crappy job to pay the bills. \n\nIt’s just one day of class. I can talk to my teacher and make it up.\n\nYou never talk to your teachers. You’re too scared they’ll see you as the failure you really are. It takes you weeks make a doctor’s appointment when your medicine has already been failing for a month, and you trust those people not to judge you. Your teachers, though? You’re never going to tell your teachers. \n\n…\n\nIt’s true.\n\n\n[[maybe you should just Give Up.|next]]

TOMORROW YOU GET TO DO IT ALL AGAIN.\n\n\n\n\n“Executive dysfunction is commonly seen in major depression. The types of executive deficits seen in depression include problems with planning, initiating and completing goal-directed activities. Executive dysfunction may vary as a function of the severity of depression. … The presence of executive dysfunction in depression is associated with vocational disability and possibly poorer treatment response…”\n\nwww.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15853477\n\n“For most patients, episodes of major depression last a limited amount of time. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) specifies that symptoms last at least two weeks, and treatment studies report a median duration of about 20 weeks. But for some patients, the condition becomes chronic — with symptoms lasting at least two years.\n\nThe differences between episodic and chronic depression encompass more than just duration. Studies show that, compared with episodic major depression, chronic depression causes more functional impairment, increases risk of suicide, and is more likely to occur in conjunction with other psychiatric disorders. …”\n\nwww.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/managing-chronic-depression\n\n[[Start]]

If I die, it’s going to be traumatic for everyone around me.\n\nBut you’ll get to dream forever.\n\nBut to do it, I’d have to get out of bed. And we’ve already established I can’t do that. Because I’m lazy, remember?\n\n…\n\nI’m taking a nap.\n\n[[congratulations, you made it quiet in your brain]]

Okay, I’m up. I’m up. I’m getting clothes.\n\nThat’s a dumb outfit. You look so plain.\n\nI’m not naked and I’m wearing deodorant. It’s enough. \n\nYou’re going to be late.\n\nAt least I’ll be there today. That’s something.\n\nIf you think so.\n\nI do. I try to. My therapist says beating myself up isn’t healthy. \n\nHow else are you going to leave the bed?\n\n[[congratulations. you got up.]]

You don’t have time now. Just put on deodorant. Everyone will know you’re a failure anyway, but at least you won’t smell. Get up!\n\nI’m trying. I’m trying.\n\n[[try|try9]]\n\n[[give up]]

I’m trying. I don’t feel good today.\n\nToday doesn’t care. Get up.\n\nWhat do you mean?\n\nNo one cares about you. You can’t even get out of bed. You’re such a fuck-up. \n\nI don’t really see the point in going, then.\n\n[[give up]]\n\n[[try|try6]]

All you did was roll over.\n\nI’m facing the room now. Progress.\n\nGet up. You’re going to be late. You’ve missed class too many times already.\n\n[[try|try5]]

Get up. You won’t have time to shower unless you get up. You haven’t showered in three days. \n\nI know. I stink. \n\n[[try|try8]]\n\n[[give up]]

You won’t graduate and you’ll never amount to anything.\n\nAppealing to anxiety, I see.\n\nGet up.\n\nI told you. I’m trying. \n\n[[try|try7]]\n\n[[give up]]

You have class to get to.\n\nI know. I’m trying to get up.\n\n[[try REALLY HARD|try4]]\n\n[[give up]]

You took your medicine last night. This shouldn’t be happening.\n\nI’m stressed out. It makes things harder for the meds. \n\n\n[[try|try3]]\n\n[[give up]]

The alarm’s been ringing for a hour and you’ve snoozed it every time.\n\nI know.\n\n[[try|try2]]\n\n[[give up]]

You need to get up.\n\n\n\n[[try]]

Untitled Story

Anonymous

Shut up. I just want to go back to sleep.\n\nThat’s all you ever want.\n\nSleep is peaceful. It doesn’t have bad thoughts yammering at me all the time.\n\nIf you die, it’s like one big sleep.\n\n[[be quiet be quiet be quiet]]

I give up. I’m staying in bed today.\n\nYou’re such a failure.\n\n[[tell me something I don't know.]]

TOMORROW YOU GET TO DO IT ALL AGAIN.\n\n\n\n\n“Executive dysfunction is commonly seen in major depression. The types of executive deficits seen in depression include problems with planning, initiating and completing goal-directed activities. Executive dysfunction may vary as a function of the severity of depression. … The presence of executive dysfunction in depression is associated with vocational disability and possibly poorer treatment response…”\n\nwww.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15853477\n\n“For most patients, episodes of major depression last a limited amount of time. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) specifies that symptoms last at least two weeks, and treatment studies report a median duration of about 20 weeks. But for some patients, the condition becomes chronic — with symptoms lasting at least two years.\n\nThe differences between episodic and chronic depression encompass more than just duration. Studies show that, compared with episodic major depression, chronic depression causes more functional impairment, increases risk of suicide, and is more likely to occur in conjunction with other psychiatric disorders. …”\n\nwww.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/managing-chronic-depression\n\n\n[[Start]]