A couple dozen pills fall into your hand and you swallow them before you get a chance to think and fuck it up.\n\nCling to it. Cling to it.\n\nYou see your mother's face.\n\n[[Aw fuck it.|puke]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish5b]]
"You know, most people in your situation, someone who has attempted suicide multiple times but never succeeded, a loved one is the reason they're still alive. They don't live for their own sake, they live for their family's. Would you say this is true?"\n\n[["Yes."|doctor8]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish6]]
Just a couple of pills left. Not enough to do anything.\n\n[[Swallow them anyway.|pillsz]]
Only a couple left in the bottle. Not what you wanted, but your leg is still throbbing.\n\n[[Swallow them anyway.|pillsv]]
Only two pills left. Not enough to do anything.\n\n[[Swallow them anyway.|pillsu]]
"Your clone will be returned to your life. It won't have your past week of memories. It won't remember this place. It will be shaky at first. Dehydrated. But with a little rest and recuperation it will be as you are now."\n\n[["I'm not exactly great as I am now."|doctor13a1]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n[[Dip it in soapy water|dish12a]]\n\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish12]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish16b]]\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish17]]\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
You arive at a wooden door with a small brass placard that reads:\n\nDR. CHAE YEON-SEOK\nSPECIALIST\n\n[[You open the door and walk in.|office1]]
The office is nautically themed. There are anchors and Sears paintings of lighthouses basically everywhere. There's a bookcase with several volumes of some medical journal stacked on top between two ship's wheel bookends. \n\nA woman looks up from a desk at you. It's Kendra, the nurse from the mental hospital.\n\n"Hi, how can I help you?"\n\nYou pull the business card out of your wallet.\n\n[["Hi, you probably don't remember me, but you gave me this a couple days ago?|kendra1]]\n\n[[(Silently hold up business card.)|kendra2]]
A Person Shaped Thing Is A Person
Dr. Chae smiles.\n\n"It actually pays for itself. After we've ended your life, your blood and organs all go up for sale on the black market."\n\n"That's gruesome."\n\n"It's a very clean and formal process. And we find most clients are reassured that their bodies won't go to waste.\n\n[["What happens to my clone?|doctor13b4]]
Dr. Chae laughs loudly.\n\n"Ok, enough with the coy games, I guess. Here's what we do here: We put you under. We clone you, as you are today. Once we're satisfied with the clone, we quietly end your life. Then your clone is released, free to live your life. Your suffering ends and no one you love will ever be the wiser."\n\nDr. Chae looks at his watch.\n\n"We can do this for you today, right now, if you'd wish."\n\n[["This is all a lot to take in."|doctor12b]]
Dr. Chae laughs loudly.\n\n"Alright, let me break it down a bit more simply. Here's what we do here: We put you under. We clone you, as you are today. Once we're satisfied with the clone, we quietly end your life. Then your clone is released, free to live your life. Your suffering ends and no one you love will ever be the wiser."\n\nDr. Chae looks at his watch.\n\n"We can do this for you today, right now, if you'd wish."\n\n[["This is all a lot to take in."|doctor12b]]
"Your clone will be returned to your life. It won't have your past week of memories. It won't remember this place. It will be shaky at first. Dehydrated. But with a little rest and recuperation it will be as you are now."\n\n[["I'm not exactly great as I am now."|doctor13c1a]]
"Yes?"\n\n[["What's with all the boat stuff?"|surgery5a]]\n[["How did you know I would want to do this procedure today?"|surgery5a1]]
"I didn't suspect so. You didn't have anything to say last time either."\n\nJust as you understand what he's saying, he cranks up the anastesia and [[you close your eyes...|Play]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse and put it on the rack.|dish5]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish4b]]
Dr. Chae smiles.\n\n"It actually pays for itself. After we've ended your life, your blood and organs all go up for sale on the black market."\n\n"That's gruesome."\n\n"It's a very clean and formal process. And we find most clients are reassured that their bodies won't go to waste."\n\nDr. Chae looks at his watch.\n\n"Well, all your questions answered. Would you like to go ahead with the procedure?"\n\n[["I don't know. I just don't know."|doctor14]]
Three pills. Not exactly what you had in mind.\n\n[[Swallow them anyway.|pillsa1]]
The bottle is empty. It's been a long time since you only took 40mg of Vyvanse.\n\n[[Toss it.|pillsa1]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse and put it on the rack.|dish11]]
You open your eyes. You dozed off at a seminar about drug abuse. The doctor is droning on about opioids, gesturing to a diagram of the brain.\n\nYou look to your left and see a 16 year old girl in a black Angelkill hoodie, sketching a blue ink Baphomet on the back of a pamphlet about crisis management.\n\nChange the black metal hoodie to a thrash metal hoodie and that was you ten years ago. Jesus, ten years. It's been ten years.\n\nYou can't think about that now. You get to leave the hospital tomorrow. [[You close your eyes.|close3]]
25 MPH.\n\nIf someone is going 40 you could probably jump out ahead of them before they can brake. Any slower than that, you risk getting maimed instead of killed.\n\nYou couldn't do that to an innocent driver anyway. Ruin someone's life.\n\n[[A cop car drives by.|cop1]]
The bottle is empty. It's been a long time since you only took 40mg of Vyvanse.\n\n[[Toss it.|pillsw]]
A used car dealership.\n\nBarbershop.\n\nTaco Bell.\n\nYou wonder if any of these cars are going fast enough to end you.\n\n[[Look at speed limit sign.|sign]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish10b]]
You're pretty sure you have no idea where you are. You wander around a while until you find a way back to the desk. \n\n"Sorry, I think I got lost."\n\nThe security guard sighs and puts down his book.\n\n"Here, I'll take you there."\n\nHe brings you up the stairs and down the hallways until you arive at a wooden door with a small brass placard that reads:\n\nDR. CHAE YEON-SEOK \nSPECIALIST\n\n[[You open the door and walk in.|office1]]
Dr. Chae smiles.\n\n"Everyone likes boats."\n\nWith that, he cranks up the anastesia and [[you close your eyes...|Play]]
Bowl with remains of grits.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish6a]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish18]]\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish17b]]\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
"Your clone will be returned to your life. It won't have your past week of memories. It won't remember this place. It will be shaky at first. Dehydrated. But with a little rest and recuperation it will be as you are now."\n\n[["I'm not exactly great as I am now."|doctor13a1a]]
"Obviously, confidentiality doesn't permit me to go into numbers or history. But suffice to say, this has become a routine practice and you are far from the first one."\n\nYou're not sure how much that reassures you.\n\n[["What happens to my clone?"|doctor13b4]]
"Your clone will be returned to your life. It won't have your past week of memories. It won't remember this place. It will be shaky at first. Dehydrated. But with a little rest and recuperation it will be as you are now."\n\n[["I'm not exactly great as I am now."|doctor13a1z]]
Dr. Chae shrugs. "Maybe things get better. Maybe they don't. It won't be your problem."\n\n[["How often have you done this?"|doctor13ab2]]
"Obviously, confidentiality doesn't permit me to go into numbers or history. But suffice to say, this has become a routine practice and you are far from the first one."\n\nDr. Chae looks at his watch.\n\n"So, your questions answered. Would you like to proceed with the operation?"\n\n[["I don't know. I just don't know."|doctor14]]
You try to make your body turn right but you can't quite control it, and end up turning to the left.\n\nYou keep running across the lawns of the subdivision where you grew up. \n\nYou collapse into the bushes of a blue [[ranch-style house|house1]].
You head down the hall and come to a fork.\n\n[[Turn right.|right2]]\n[[Turn left.|right2]]
Bowl with remains of grits.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish6b]]
You go into the dishroom and throw on an apron.\n\nThe dirties from the brunch rush are already piled high.\n\n[[Time to get to it.|dish1]]
"Extremely what? Satisfied or Disatisfied?"\n\n[["What?"|card]]\n\n[["..."|card]]
Plate caked with syrup and a half eaten sausage link.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish8]]
Plate caked with syrup and a half eaten sausage link.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish7b]]
"So, neutral?"\n\n[["Sure."|card]]\n\n[["..."|card]]
You collapse into the bushes of your childhood home. Your memory is returning like a slow leak. \n\nThe branches stab into your side and you realize you're naked.\n\nIt's dark out, and wonder the time, and if you will wake up your mother if you yell her name. You wonder if you are capable of yelling.\n\n[[Try to yell to your mother|yell1]]\n[[Close your eyes and rest a minute|rest1]]
Dr. Chae smiles.\n\n"The best thing about this business? Repeat customers."\n\nWith that, he cranks up the anastesia and [[you close your eyes...|Play]]
You're lying on the floor of the shower. You stare at your hand until your glasses fog up and it becomes the same color as the tile.\n\nToday should be the day. Today <i>should</i> be the day. <i>Today</i> should be the day. \n\n[[Walk out of the shower and check how much cash is left in your wallet.|slip]]\n\n[[Walk out of the shower and check how much alcohol is left in your kitchen.|slip]]
You come out to the top of the stairs.\n\n[[Turn right.|right3]]\n[[Turn left.|right2]]
Dr. Chae shrugs. "Maybe things get better. Maybe they don't. It won't be your problem."\n\nDr. Chae looks at his watch.\n\n"Well, all your questions answered. Would you like to go ahead with the procedure?"\n\n[["I don't know. I just don't know."|doctor14]]
[[Vyvanse 40mg|pills1]]\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 50mg|pills2a]]\n[[Vicodin 300mg|pills2b]]\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
You come to a fork in the hallway.\n\n[[Turn left.|office2]]\n[[Turn right.|right2]]
You come to an intersection.\n\n[[Turn left.|right2]]\n[[Turn right.|right2]]\n[[Keep going straight.|straight1]]
He sits down and continues.\n\n"I couldn't help Kwan. I realized that he had never been happy, and never could be. For him, suicide was the only practical solution. But because he couldn't ask for help, because he was so ashamed, so afraid of failing his parents, he had to end his life by his own hand. And one mistake was all it took to make things worse, to double his suffering."\n\nDr. Chae turns away. The move, the whole speech really, feels rehearsed and well-worn.\n\n"I couldn't help Kwan. But I could help others in his situation."\n\n[["Are you telling me that you perform euthanasia here?"|doctor6]]
Someone will find you. You want to figure out what's happening but you have no energy. \n\nYou puke onto the grass and [[pass out|close1]].
Dr. Chae nods. "Thank you."\n\nHe sits down and continues.\n\n"I couldn't help Kwan. I realized that he had never been happy, and never could be. For him, suicide was the only practical solution. But because he couldn't ask for help, because he was so ashamed, so afraid of failing his parents, he had to end his life by his own hand. And one mistake was all it took to make things worse, to double his suffering."\n\nDr. Chae turns away. The move, the whole speech really, feels rehearsed and well-worn.\n\n"I couldn't help Kwan. But I could help others in his situation."\n\n[["Are you telling me that you perform euthanasia here?"|doctor6]]
"You see those stairs? Just head up those stairs, take a right, then take the second left. Got it?"\n\n"Yeah. Thanks."\n\n[[You continue past the desk towards the stairs.|stairs1]]
Kendra snaps her fingers.\n\n"You-you're from the hospital, right? The other day."\n\nYou nod. \n\n"I'm so glad you decided to come!"\n\n"What is this place?"\n\n"Well, I find that it's best if Dr. Chae explains it himself. You're in luck because he doesn't have any more appointments today."\n\nShe presses a button on her desk.\n\n"Dr. Chae. I'm sending a client in." She looks at you. [["Go on ahead to the door."|doctor1]]
Dr. Chae shrugs. "Maybe things get better. Maybe they don't. It won't be your problem."\n\n[["How much does this cost?"|doctor13ab]]\n[["How often have you done this?"|doctor13ac]]
Bowl with remains of grits.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish15]]\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Bowl with remains of grits.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish14b]]\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
You approach the stairs.\n\n[[Go up the stairs.|direction1]]\n[[Go left.|left1]]\n[[Go right.|right1]]
"It's not medication or cognitive behavior therapy. It's an option for people who don't respond to any of that."\n\nYou flip the card around. \n\n5057 N BROADWAY ST.\nCHICAGO, IL\n\n"Just hold onto it. You never know. I'll fill the rest of this survey out myself."\n\nAnd with that she leaves. You sigh and [[close your eyes.|close4]]
Bowl with remains of grits.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish7]]
You're running.\n\nThe who, what, where, when and why are very fuzzy, but you're running.\n\nThe leaves crush underneath your bare feet and the surrounding houses and trees look familiar.\n\n[[Turn left|left]]\n[[Turn right|right]]\n[[Keep going straight|straight]]
You open your eyes. Your head is throbbing. Your eyes are two inches away from a dead spider in a tangle of cobwebs and pubes. \n\nHi.\n\nYou pull yourself to your feet and walk to your dresser. You pull the business card out of your wallet.\n\n[[DR. CHAE YEON-SEOK\nSPECIALIST|when2]]
You flip the card over.\n\n[[5057 N BROADWAY ST.\nCHICAGO, IL|chae1]]
Only a couple left in the bottle. Not what you wanted, but your leg is still throbbing.\n\n[[Swallow them anyway.|pillsw]]
It's getting colder. Should have put on a jacket.\n\nYour leg is throbbing with pain. You still haven't told anyone about that.\n\nYou get to the sidewalk.\n\n[[Turn Right|outright]]\n[[Turn Left|outleft]]
Kendra puts the clipboard down. \n\n"Look, I get it, you don't care. I've read your file. I know your type. This isn't your first time here, and you think it won't be your last."\n\n[["Ok."|ok]]\n[["Basically."|basic]]\n[["..."|pause1]]
Your eyes open. It's the next day and your mother is at your bedside, reading you a news article someone e-mailed to her, about a bear that pulled a restaurant dumpster onto a freeway and climbed inside. \n\nYou haven't been speaking, trying to stay withdrawn, but the article and photo that accompany it are really funny and you both end up cracking up.\n\nYour mom looks relieved and that relieves you, because it means she'll probably stop asking you questions you can't answer. \n\nThe past three days are still a complete blank. [[You close your eyes.|close2a]]
Could you get this cop to kill you? If you rushed the car, jumped on the hood, held a wallet in your hand like it was a gun, screamed, attack him, dive at him.\n\nThe car drives by. You keep [[walking.|bridge]]
Dr. Chae smiles.\n\n"It actually pays for itself. After we've ended your life, your blood and organs all go up for sale on the black market."\n\n"That's gruesome."\n\n"It's a very clean and formal process. And we find most clients are reassured that their bodies won't go to waste.\n\n[["How often have you done this?"|doctor13ab2]]
Your eyes open. You're in a hospital. There's an IV in your arm and some balloons tied to the end of the bed. \n\nTwenty minutes later a doctor comes in. \n\nShe is telling you that you had a drug-induced psychosis, that you were missing for three days before turning up at your mother's house in the nude. That they found track-marks on your arm, and do you remember where you were Thursday?\n\nYou listen, but you don't have any answers, so you say nothing.[[You close your eyes.|close2]]
"Ok." she repeats back to you. She pulls out a wallet and hands you a business card.\n\nDR. CHAE YEON-SEOK\nSPECIALIST\n\n[["Specialist?"|specialist]]\n[["..."|specialist]]
You open your eyes. You're in your apartment again. Your boss finally answered your text and will take you back to work. But that won't be for another\n\n[[Look at your phone]]
[[Fuck it. You don't have anything else going on.|chae2]]
Plate caked with syrup and a half eaten sausage link.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish15b]]\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Plate caked with syrup and a half eaten sausage link.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish16]]\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
You turn into the Francisco Brown Line station. You limp up the stairs and get to the tracks. \n\n[[There are headlights in the distance.|headlights]]
Patrick Ripoll\n
You turn around and walk away. You don't know who Dr. Yeon-Seok Chae is, but you were stupid to imagine he could help. You should just-\n\n[[Just what?|Chae]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish1b]]
Dr. Chae and Kendra enter your vision. They are dressed in surgical gowns. \n\n"Do you have any final words you have before the procedure?"\n\n[["I have a question."|surgery4a]]\n[["...no."|surgery4b]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish2]]
\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n\n[[Vicodin 300mg|pills2b1]]\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
You are laid down onto a surgery table. Strapped in. \n\n[[There's a photo of a sailboat in the sunset on the ceiling above you.|surgery3]]
"One day Kwan attempted suicide. He had crafted something, a sort of plastic bag filled with gas he had tied around his head."\n\n"An exit bag."\n\nChae nods. "So you know about them. But what you may not know is that, like most forms of suicide, these 'exit bags' are not fool-proof, and that the oxygen deprivation can lead to permanent brain damage. Kwan fell into a coma and never came out of it. Zero brain activity. A human vegetable."\n\nYou look away.\n\n[["I'm sorry for your loss."|doctor5a]]\n[[(Say nothing.)|doctor5b]]\n
TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal Ideation, Suicide Attempts\n\n[[Play]]\n
Dr. Chae returns to making eye contact and shakes his head.\n\n"It's not legal in this state, and not legal as treatment for depression anywhere. And it's messy. Sad. It's no way for someone to spend their final moments. There is a sense of defeat, of shame, of failing your loved ones. Are you close with your family?"\n\n[["I am with my mom. My dad's not alive."|doctor7a]]\n[["...yes.|doctor7b]]
Could you get this cop to kill you? If you rushed the car, jumped on the hood, held a wallet in your hand like it was a gun, screamed, attack him, dive at him.\n\nThe car drives by. You keep [[walking.|railroad tracks]]
You continue to the one other door in the office. You open it and walk in.\n\nDr. Chae's office features an even more dense assortment of nautical trinkets, including a stuffed swordfish above his desk. Dr. Chae smiles and gestures to a chair. He's a 50-something Korean man in a seersucker suit. His silk tie is patterned with anchors.\n\n"Hello, I'm Dr. Chae. Please have a seat. You must be wondering what this is all about."\n\nHis accent is hard to place. [[You're not sure what to say.|doctor2]]
Dr. Chae continues.\n\n"If you're here, that means Kendra saw your medical history and found the following: history of depression, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, history of drug abuse, history of self-destructive behavior, possibly self-harm. You've been on various medications but none of them have done much to help. Am I correct?"\n\n[["...yes."|doctor3]]\n[[(You nod your head.)|doctor3]]
Dr. Chae stands up.\n\n"Let me tell you about myself. After a career as a biotechnology researcher in Wales, I moved back to Seoul with my wife and child, Kwan. Kwan suffered from depression and the move only seemed to exasperate his problems. We tried psychologists, medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, but nothing seemed to help."\n\n[[He pauses and adjusts a framed photo of a yacht on the shelf behind him.|doctor4]]
The doctor leans forward in his chair.\n\n"Can I ask you a hard question?"\n\nYou nod.\n\n"If you could guarantee your family would never find out, would you end your life today?"\n\nYou hold your breath.\n\n[["In a heartbeat."|doctor9a]]\n[["How would that even be possible?"|doctor10]]
Two pills fall out in your hand. Not enough to do anything.\n\n[[Swallow them anyway.|pillsx]]
Your hands tighten into fists, your nails scratching your palms.\n\nYou close your eyes. You hold your breath. \n\nYou see your mom's face in your head. Shit.\n\nYou turn around and exhale. You hear the train whistle by behind you.\n\n[[Fuck.|goddammit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish9]]
Fuck this.\n\nYou pull off your apron and walk out the backdoor of the kitchen. The air smells like garbage, upsetting your already queasy stomach.\n\n[[You need to get home.|home]]
[[You're running.|Play1]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish8b]]
You reach an intersection at the hallway.\n\n[[Go straight.|right2]]\n[[Go left.|right2]]\n[[Go right.|right2]]
You walk a little further and reach a fork.\n\n[[Go left|lost]]\n[[Go right|lost]]
"I bet you're looking for Dr. Chae."\n\n"...yeah."\n\n"His office is on the second floor. Just head up those stairs, take a right, and then the second left. Got it?"\n\n"Yeah, thanks."\n\n[[Continue to the stairs.|stairs1]]
The bottle is empty. It's been a long time since you only took 40mg of Vyvnase.\n\n[[Toss it.|pillsx]]
You grab your toothbrush and rush to the toilet. \n\nIt goes down your throat and the pills go up your throat and into the toilet and you collapse next to it.\n\n[[Jesus Christ. Fucking worthless.|fridge]]
"I'm sorry to hear about your father. You know, most people in your situation, someone who has attempted suicide multiple times but never succeeded, a loved one is the reason they're still alive. They don't live for their own sake, they live for their family's. Would you say this is true?"\n\n[["Yes."|doctor8]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish12b]]\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse and put it on the rack.|dish13]]\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
"Next? How can I help you sir?"\n\nYou have 17 dollars in your pocket.\n\n[[2 Cheesy Roll-Ups, A Cheesy Gordita Crunch, A Crunchwrap Supreme, A Quesadilla|puke1]]\n\n[[Crunchwrap Supreme, Nachos Supreme, Meximelt, 2 Cheesy Roll-Ups, Mexican Pizza|puke1]]\n\n[[A quesarito, an XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito, 2 Crunchy Tacos Supreme, Nachos Bellgrande|puke1]]\n\n[[Mexican Pizza, Cheese Quesadilla, 2 Beefy Nacho Grillers, A Double Decker Taco Supreme, 2 Cheesy Roll-Ups|puke1]]\n\n
"Exactly." she replies. She pulls out a wallet and hands you a business card.\n\nDR. CHAE YEON-SEOK\nSPECIALIST\n\n[["Specialist?"|specialist]]\n[["..."|specialist]]
You open your eyes. It's the next day and you're being discharged in a couple hours and a nurse named Kendra is trying to conduct the exit poll. \n\n"How satisfied were you with the hospital staff during your stay? Extremely Dissatisfied, Somewhat Dissatisfied, Neutral, Somewhat Satisfied, or Extremely Satisfied?"\n\n[["Extremely."|answer1]]\n\n[["I don't know."|answer2]]\n\n[["..."|answer3]]
Only a couple left in the bottle. Not what you wanted, but your leg is still throbbing.\n\n[[Swallow them anyway.|pillsu]]
Your throat croaks as you try to produce a sound. Too dry. Too out of breath.\n\nYou puke onto your chest and [[close your eyes|close1]].
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n[[Dip it in soapy water|dish18a]]\n\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
"Obviously, confidentiality doesn't permit me to go into numbers or history. But suffice to say, this has become a routine practice and you are far from the first one."\n\nYou're not sure how much that reassures you.\n\n[["How much will this cost?|doctor13ac2]]
"Hello?"\n\n[["What?"|card]]\n\n[["..."|card]]
Missed the train again. Worthless. Worthless.\n\n[[Wasn't there a Taco Bell nearby?|tacobell]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish11a]]\n\n\n\n
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n[[Dip it in soapy water|dish10a]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish13a]]\n\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
25 MPH.\n\nIf someone is going 40 you could probably jump out ahead of them before they can brake. Any slower than that, you risk getting maimed instead of killed.\n\nYou couldn't do that to an innocent driver anyway. Ruin someone's life.\n\n[[A cop car drives by.|cop]]
Plate caked with syrup and a half eaten sausage link.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish15a]]\n\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Bowl with remains of grits.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish14a]]\n\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish17a]]\n\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish16a]]\n\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish1a]]
Kendra's eyes narrow and then widen.\n\n"Yes! Yes, right! Now I remember! Oh, I'm so glad you came."\n\n"What is this place?"\n\n"Well, I find that it's best if Dr. Chae explains it himself. You're in luck because he doesn't have any more appointments today."\n\nShe presses a button on her desk.\n\n"Dr. Chae. I'm sending a client in." She looks at you. [["Go on ahead to the door."|doctor1]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish3a]]
Plate caked with syrup and hot sauce.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish2a]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish5a]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n[[Dip it in soapy water|dish4a]]
Plate caked with syrup and a half eaten sausage link.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish7a]]
...13 hours. That's a lot of time to fill.\n\n[[Go out]]\n[[Stay in]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish9a]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n[[Dip it in the soapy water.|dish8a]]
You try to steady your course but you still don't quite have control of your body, and end up careening to the left.\n\nYou keep running across the lawns of the subdivision where you grew up. \n\nYou collapse into the bushes of a blue [[ranch-style house|house1]].
You enter the doors of the Golden Apple and the Christmas Muzak assaults your throbbing head.\n\nJesus, it's not even Thanksgiving yet. \n\nLitis gives you a scowl. "Where were you? [[In the back! In the back! Go!"|theback]]
Check cashing place.\n\nSubway.\n\nApartment Building.\n\nYou wonder if any of these cars are going fast enough to end you.\n\n[[Look at speed limit sign.|sign1]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish14]]\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish13b]]\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
You're standing in front of a black brutalist building on Chicago's northside. \n\n[[Walk inside.|chae2]]\n[[Forget it, he can't help me.|forget1]]
You enter the lobby, all grey stone and darker grey accents. There's a security guard sitting at the desk.\n\n"How can I help you?"\n\n[["Do you know where I can find Dr. Chae Yeon-Seok?"|guard1]]\n[["..."|guard2]]\n[["Nevermind."|guard2]]
You limp over to the bridge. You look down. This far west the Chicago River runs pretty shallow, but a drop like this could still do it.\n\nYou see your mom's face. Nope, not tonight. Not gonna happen. Fucking shit.\n\nWorthless. Worthless.\n\nWhere was that [[Taco Bell?|tacobell]]
Dr. Chae smiles the biggest smile you've seen yet.\n\n[["Please, follow me to the surgery room."|surgery]]\n
Dr. Chae gestures to the seat in front of his desk.\n\n"Then take a seat. Think on it for a bit."\n\nYou take a seat but it doesn't take long for you to come to a conclusion. This is all you want. [[You can't go on living, but the thought of hurting your mother like that is too much.|doctor15]]
Your plan up to this point was to try to hold on until she died. Suddenly the world has offered you a better way. You have to take it.\n\nDr. Chae comes back.\n\n[["Ok. I'll do it."|doctor16]]]
"Well, like I said before, I had a long career as a researcher in biotechnology in Wales. But after that, in Seoul, I moved into a different field: cloning. Are you following me?"\n\n[["You want to clone me? I don't get it."|doctor11a]]\n[["No. What are you saying?"|doctor11b]]
Your home and your head is in the toilet. You weren't thinking, just eating. \n\n[[You ate like an asshole, sure, but lately you can't seem to keep anything down.|fridge]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish4]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish3b]]
You take two steps out of the shower and slip, and [[your head hits the floo-|floor]]
[[Your body is shaved.|surgery2]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse and put it on the rack.|dish12]]\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Plate with remains of eggs and biscuit crumbs.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish18b]]\n\n\n[[Quit this job.|quit]]
Dr. Chae smiles.\n\n"It actually pays for itself. After we've ended your life, your blood and organs all go up for sale on the black market."\n\n"That's gruesome."\n\n"It's a very clean and formal process. And we find most clients are reassured that their bodies won't go to waste.\n\n[["What happens to my clone?"|doctor13b2]]\n[["How often have you done this?"|doctor13b3]]
"Obviously, confidentiality doesn't permit me to go into numbers or history. But suffice to say, this has become a routine practice and you are far from the first one."\n\nYou're not sure how much that reassures you.\n\n[["What happens to my clone?"|doctor13c1]]\n[["How much does this cost?"|doctor13c2]]
[[...|when1]]
\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 50mg|pills3a1]]\n[[Vicodin 300mg|pills3b]]\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
[[Vyvanse 40mg|pills1a]]\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n\n[[Vicodin 300mg|pills2ba]]\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
Dr. Chae shrugs. "Maybe things get better. Maybe they don't. It won't be your problem."\n\n[["How much does this cost?"|doctor13ac2]]
\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n\n\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
[[Vyvanse 40mg|pills1z]]\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 50mg|pills2z]]\n\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 50mg|pills2b1]]\n\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
[[Vyvanse 40mg|pills1az]]\n[[Fluoxetine 60mg|pills2h]]\n[[Vyvanse 70mg|pills2h]]\n\n\n[[Unisom Sleep Tabs|pills2h]]
"You don't have to answer, I've seen it a million times." She pulls out a wallet and hands you a business card.\n\nDR. CHAE YEON-SEOK\nSPECIALIST\n\n[["Specialist?"|specialist]]\n[["..."|specialist]]
You walk over to the freezer and pull out the bottle of vodka.\n\nAbout a quarter the bottle is left. Enough to fall asleep. [[You have work tomorrow.|work]]
Plate caked with syrup and hot sauce.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish2b]]
Plate caked with syrup and hot sauce.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish3]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish9b]]
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n\n[[Rinse it and put it on the rack.|dish10]]
"I understand. I will answer any questions you have."\n\n[["What do you do with my clone?"|doctor13a]]\n[["How much does this cost?"|doctor13b]]\n[["How often have you done this?"|doctor13c]]
Dr. Chae smiles.\n\n"That's very good to hear."\n\nYou're lost.\n\n"What are you telling me?" you ask.\n\n[[Dr. Chae smiles wider.|doctor10]]
You stare at the TV, watching episodes of the Twilight Zone on Netflix. Your mind is wandering and it all mutates into one big blob of cold war paranoia. \n\nWilliam Shatner is freaking out about something, a jukebox or a fortune teller and you [[think about the bottle of pills in your medicine cabinet.|pills]]
You turn left and keep running across the lawns of the subdivision where you grew up. \n\nYou collapse into the bushes of a blue [[ranch-style house|house1]].
Fork with harded pancake and syrup goop.\n\n\n[[Scrub it.|dish11b]]
The bottle is empty. It's been a long time since you only took 40mg of Vyvanse.\n\n[[Toss it.|pillsa]]