Payoff Twine Adventure

###Welcome to The Payoff Twine Demo, Adventurer! It shall be dangerous, but if you complete it, the bards will sing of your bravery, wit, and dreamy eyes for millennia. What be your name? [[Regilia, The Overly Strong->Regilia Start]] [[Mary, Bringer of Dooms->Mary Start]] [[Thunderhammer, The Cuddly Wubbly->Thunderhammer Start]] [[Steve->Steve Start]]

Adventure is thrust upon us all. It has no interviews, Regilia. Your strengths be not a weaknesses here. Are you ready? [[Yes->Regilia Wake up]] [[No->Smart Aleck]]

In this universe dooms are yummy baked goods. You'll be great at avoiding peckishness. Are you ready to begin, Mary? [[Yes->Mary Wake up]] [[No->Smart Aleck]]

You may be a big ole' softy, but your Warhammer is anything but. Are you ready to begin righteous smiting, Thunderhammer? [[Yes->TH Wake up]] [[No->Smart Aleck]]

That's a silly name for an adventurer, but when adventure calls, you must go. No matter your ridiculous name. Are you ready, Steve? (ugh) [[Yes->Steve Wake up]] [[No->Smart Aleck]]

What are you, some sort of smart aleck? Get out of here. Why'd a fool such as you even volunteer for this adventure? Your parents will never recover from this disappointment. [[THE END->Start]]

Just as you fall back to sleep, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Before you can react, you're promptly murdered. Adventure has no snooze button. [[THE END->Start]]

A deafening crack of thunder shatters your peaceful rest. Rubbing the sleep from your groggy eyes, you: [[Rouse yourself and make breakfast->Regilia Breakfast]] [[Hit snooze on your Thunder Crack Alarm for a few extra minutes of sleep->Snooze]]

A deafening crack of thunder shatters your peaceful rest. Rubbing the sleep from your groggy eyes, you: [[Rouse yourself and make breakfast->Mary Breakfast]] [[Hit snooze on your Thunder Crack Alarm for a few extra minutes of sleep->Snooze]]

A deafening crack of thunder shatters your peaceful rest. Rubbing the sleep from your groggy eyes, you: [[Rouse yourself and make breakfast->TH Breakfast]] [[Hit snooze on your Thunder Crack Alarm for a few extra minutes of sleep->Snooze]]

A deafening crack of thunder shatters your peaceful rest. Rubbing the sleep from your groggy eyes, you: [[Rouse yourself and make breakfast->Steve Breakfast]] [[Hit snooze on your Thunder Crack Alarm for a few extra minutes of sleep->Snooze]]

You pull out your cast iron frying pan, put on a pot of coffee and open your ice chest searching for what will calm this gurgling in your belly. Choose your breakfast: [[Milk and cereal->Steve MC Morning Fight]] [[English muffin->Steve EM Morning Fight]] [[Bacon and eggs->Steve BE Morning Fight]]

You pull out your cast iron frying pan, put on a pot of coffee and open your ice chest searching for what will calm this gurgling in your belly. Choose your breakfast: [[Milk and cereal->TH MC Morning Fight]] [[English muffin->TH EM Morning Fight]] [[Bacon and eggs->TH BE Morning Fight]]

You pull out your cast iron frying pan, put on a pot of coffee and open your ice chest searching for what will calm this gurgling in your belly. Choose your breakfast: [[Milk and cereal->Mary MC Morning Fight]] [[English muffin->Mary EM Morning Fight]] [[Bacon and eggs->Mary BE Morning Fight]] [[Dooms->Mary Dooms Morning Fight]]

You pull out your cast iron frying pan, put on a pot of coffee and open your ice chest searching for what will calm this gurgling in your belly. Choose your breakfast: [[Milk and cereal->Regilia MC Morning Fight]] [[English muffin->Regilia EM Morning Fight]] [[Bacon and eggs->Regilia BE Morning Fight]]

As you're pulling out your dooms, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Dooms->Mary Weapon Dooms Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Mary Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Mary Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your milk and cereal, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Milk and cereal->Regilia Weapon MC Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Regilia Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Regilia Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your english muffin, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[English Muffin->Regilia Weapon EM Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Regilia Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Regilia Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your bacon and eggs, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Bacon and eggs->Regilia Weapon BE Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Regilia Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Regilia Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your milk and cereal, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Milk and cereal->Mary Weapon MC Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Mary Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Mary Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your english muffin, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[English Muffin->Mary Weapon EM Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Mary Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Mary Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your bacon and eggs, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Bacon and eggs->Mary Weapon BE Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Mary Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Mary Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your milk and cereal, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Milk and cereal->Steve Weapon MC Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Steve Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Steve Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your english muffin, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[English Muffin->Steve Weapon EM Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Steve Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Steve Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your bacon and eggs, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Bacon and eggs->Steve Weapon BE Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->Steve Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->Steve Weapon FP]]

As you're pulling out your milk and cereal, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Milk and cereal->TH Weapon MC Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->TH Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->TH Weapon FP]] [[Warhammer->TH Weapon Warhammer]]

As you're pulling out your english muffin, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[English Muffin->TH Weapon EM Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->TH Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->TH Weapon FP]] [[Warhammer->TH Weapon Warhammer]]

As you're pulling out your bacon and eggs, your front door splinters inward with a noise not dissimilar to your alarm. In rush a pair of bacon and egg ninjas. Choose your weapon: [[Bacon and eggs->TH Weapon BE Breakfast]] [[Coffee pot->TH Weapon CP]] [[Frying pan->TH Weapon FP]] [[Warhammer->TH Weapon Warhammer]]

You chose the milk and cereal? Really? Okay. You throw the milk and cereal at the two quickly approaching ninjas. It's incredibly ineffective. They dispatch you with an efficiency that's just embarrassing. Thus definitely proving breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Justice is. [[THE END->Start]]

Grabbing the coffee pot, you spray scalding hot coffee in the bacon ninja's stupid bacon face, sizzle-blinding him unconscious. The egg ninja you dispatch with a jumping coffee pot slam directly onto her dumb egg head, orphaning her children. You now: [[Get back to enjoying your breakfast->Steve Enjoy]] [[Carpe revenge->Steve Revenge]]

You hurl the frying pan side arm at the egg ninja, exploding her face in a yokey mess of brains and unachieved dreams. The bacon ninja slows but continues his approach, but before he reaches you, the frying pan boomerangs him unconscious. You now: [[Get back to enjoying your breakfast->Steve Enjoy]] [[Carpe revenge->Steve Revenge]]

Seizing the handle of Snuggly, you swing it in a way that would be described later as, halfhearted at best, and vaporize the egg ninja on contact. Leaving her parents nothing to bury. The bacon ninja seeing platonic work friend mistified in front of him, freezes and faints like one of those narcoleptic goats. You now: [[Get back to enjoying your breakfast->TH Enjoy]] [[Carpe revenge->TH Revenge]]

You hurl the frying pan side arm at the egg ninja, exploding her face in a yokey mess of brains and unachieved dreams. The bacon ninja slows but continues his approach, but before he reaches you, the frying pan boomerangs him unconcious. You now: [[Get back to enjoying your breakfast->TH Enjoy]] [[Carpe revenge->TH Revenge]]

You chose the bacon and eggs? Really? Okay. You throw the bacon and eggs at the two quickly approaching ninjas. It's incredibly ineffective. They dispatch you with an efficiency that's just embarrassing. Thus definitely proving breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Justice is. [[THE END->Start]]

You chose the english muffin? Really? Okay. You throw the english muffin at the two quickly approaching ninjas. It's incredibly ineffective. They dispatch you with an efficiency that's just embarrassing. Thus definitely proving breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Justice is. [[THE END->Start]]

You chose the milk and cereal? Really? You have a Warhammer. Whatever. You throw the milk and cereal at the two quickly approaching ninjas. It's incredibly ineffective. They dispatch you with an efficiency that's just embarrassing. Thus definitely proving breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Justice is. [[THE END->Start]]

You chose the milk and cereal? Really? You have a Warhammer. Whatever. You throw the bacon and eggs at the two quickly approaching ninjas. It's incredibly ineffective. They dispatch you with an efficiency that's just embarrassing. Thus definitely proving breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Justice is. [[THE END->Start]]

You chose the milk and cereal? Really? You have a Warhammer. Whatever. You throw the english muffin at the two quickly approaching ninjas. It's incredibly ineffective. They dispatch you with an efficiency that's just embarrassing. Thus definitely proving breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Justice is. [[THE END->Start]]

You hurl the frying pan side arm at the egg ninja, exploding her face in a yokey mess of brains and unachieved dreams. The bacon ninja slows but continues his approach, but before he reaches you, the frying pan boomerangs him unconcious. You now: [[Get back to enjoying your breakfast->Mary Enjoy]] [[Carpe revenge->Mary Revenge]]

You chose the dooms? Really? You remember they're baked goods, right? Okay. You throw the dooms at the two quickly approaching ninjas. It's incredibly ineffective. They dispatch you with an efficiency that's just embarrassing. Thus definitely proving breakfast isn't the most important meal of the day. Justice is. [[THE END->Start]]

You hurl the frying pan side arm at the egg ninja, exploding her face in a yokey mess of brains and unachieved dreams. The bacon ninja slows but continues his approach, but before he reaches you, the frying pan boomerangs him unconcious. You now: [[Get back to enjoying your breakfast->Regilia Enjoy]] [[Carpe revenge->Regilia Revenge]]

As you put your dishes in the sink, belly full, you notice the bacon ninja has started to rouse. You decide it be nice to know why he tried to kill you, so you: [[Torture him, Jack Bauer Style->Bad Cop]] [[Ask him nicely->Steve Good Cop]]

You pull the bacon ninja off the floor by his neck and rope him to a chair. Grabbing the bucket your uncle uses to collect his spit, you splash the gooey mess in his face. He wakes with a coughing gasp. "Good morning, Bacon man," you say. "There are two ways this can go: [[The over-easy way->Steve Good Cop]] [[The over-hard way->Bad Cop]]

You pull the bacon ninja off the floor by his neck and rope him to a chair. Grabbing the bucket your uncle uses to collect his spit, you splash the gooey mess in his face. He wakes with a coughing gasp. "Good morning, bacon man." you say. "There are two ways this can go: [[The over-easy way->TH Good Cop]] [[The over-hard way->Bad Cop]]

As you put your dishes in the sink, belly full, you notice the bacon ninja has started to rouse. You decide it be nice to know why he tried to kill you, so you [[Torture him, Jack Bauer Style->Bad Cop]] [[Ask him nicely->Mary Good Cop]]

You pull the bacon ninja off the floor by his neck and rope him to a chair. Grabbing the bucket your uncle uses to collect his spit, you splash the gooey mess in his face. He wakes with a coughing gasp. "Good morning, bacon man." you say. "There are two ways this can go [[The over-easy way->Mary Good Cop]] [[The over-hard way->Bad Cop]]

You pull the bacon ninja off the floor by his neck and rope him to a chair. Grabbing the bucket your uncle uses to collect his spit, you splash the gooey mess in his face. He wakes with a coughing gasp. "Good morning, bacon man." you say. "There are two ways this can go: [[The over-easy way->Regilia Good Cop]] [[The over-hard way->Bad Cop]]

"I'm really sorry about your egg lady friend, dude. You guys blew up my door. I was just defending myself. You get it." It doesn't look like he gets it. "So who sent you to attack me this morning?" The bacon ninja slowly raises his head, face covered in tears and bacon grease, "You'll get nudin' from me." he gurgles. "Please?" Shocked, he says, "You know da magic word? Curses!" lowering his head "I'll tell you wud'ever you want." [[Ask about the attack->Steve Q Attack]] [[Ask about his favorite movie->Steve Q Movie]] [[Ask about the meaning of life->Steve Q Life]]

"I'm really sorry about your egg lady friend, dude. You guys blew up my door. I was just defending myself. You get it." It doesn't look like he gets it. "So who sent you to attack me this morning?" The bacon ninja slowly raises his head, face covered in tears and bacon grease, "You'll get nudin' from me." he gurgles. "Please?" Shocked, he says, "You know da magic word? Curses!" lowering his head "I'll tell you wud'ever you want." [[Ask about the attack->TH Q Attack]] [[Ask about his favorite movies->TH Q Movie]] [[Ask about the meaning of life->TH Q Life]]

"I'm really sorry about your egg lady friend, dude. You guys blew up my door. I was just defending myself. You get it." It doesn't look like he gets it. "So who sent you to attack me this morning?" The bacon ninja slowly raises his head, face covered in tears and bacon grease, "You'll get nudin' from me." he gurgles. "Please?" Shocked, he says, "You know da magic word? Curses!" lowering his head "I'll tell you wud'ever you want." [[Ask about the attack->Mary Q Attack]] [[Ask about his favorite movies->Mary Q Movie]] [[Ask about the meaning of life->Mary Q Life]]

68 hours of torture later, the bacon ninja has still given you nothing. All he does is cry and bleed. It's really depressing. You decide you've made a mistake, torture is wrong and adventuring isn't really for you. You spend the rest of your life advocating for the ethical treatment of prisoners and counseling people with PTSD. You die at 94. Holding the hand of your best friend, Jamaul, the bacon ninja. [[THE END->Start]]

"I'm really sorry about your egg lady friend, dude. You guys blew up my door. I was just defending myself. You get it." It doesn't look like he gets it. "So who sent you to attack me this morning?" The bacon ninja slowly raises his head, face covered in tears and bacon grease, "You'll get nudin' from me." he gurgles. "Please?" Shocked, he says, "You know da magic word? Curses!" lowering his head "I'll tell you wud'ever you want." [[Ask about the attack->Regilia Q Attack]] [[Ask about his favorite movies->Regilia Q Movie]] [[Ask about the meaning of life->Regilia Q Life]]

"(person who sent him) sent me to rid you of dat terrible bree'din problem you have." He says very matter of fact. "Why would (person who sent him) care about my asthma? I grew out of that years ago," you say, confused. "No, not yer asthma. Yer still bree'din. And dats a problem." "Oh, that makes more sense." You: [[Thank him and release him->Steve Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Steve Partner]]

"Babe: Pig in Da City," he says, curious why you're asking. "I really connected wid pork wantin' to be more dan jus de udder white meat." He pauses. "It's why I took dis assassin job. Eryone where I grew up's born, works and dies at da pig farm. Dis was my chance to escape. To not be like my fad'er and his fad'er and so on. When (person who sent him), came into town, I saw my escape and I took it. Why are you smiling?" A smile has crept across your face, and it takes a second for the bacon ninja to realize what he's done. You: [[Thank him and release him->Steve Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Steve Partner]]

"I don't know, man. Wa kin'na clown-shoes question is dat? I guess, well, yer dragged into dis world against yer will, might as well try to make da best of it. Dat's why I became an assassin. I wan'ed to make more of my life. And (person who sent him) gave me da opportunity to make more of my small life." You smile. "Aw man, I jus said his name didn't I?" You: [[Thank him and release him->Steve Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Steve Partner]]

"(person who sent him) sent me to rid you of dat terrible bree'din problem you have." He says very matter of fact. "Why would (person who sent him) care about my asthma? I grew out of that years ago," you say, confused. "No, not yer asthma. Yer still bree'din. And dats a problem." "Oh, that makes more sense." You: [[Thank him and release him->TH Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->TH Partner]]

"Babe: Pig in Da City," he says, curious why you're asking. "I really connected wid pork wantin' to be more dan jus de udder white meat." He pauses. "It's why I took dis assassin job. Eryone where I grew up's born, works and dies at da pig farm. Dis was my chance to escape. To not be like my fad'er and his fad'er and so on. When (person who sent him), came into town, I saw my escape and I took it. Why are you smiling?" A smile has crept across your face, and it takes a second for the bacon ninja to realize what he's done. You: [[Thank him and release him->TH Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->TH Partner]]

"I don't know, man. Wa kin'na clown-shoes question is dat? I guess, well, yer dragged into dis world against yer will, might as well try to make da best of it. Dat's why I became an assassin. I wan'ed to make more of my life. And (person who sent him) gave me da opportunity to make more of my small life." You smile. "Aw man, I jus said his name didn't I?" You: [[Thank him and release him->TH Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->TH Partner]]

"(person who sent him) sent me to rid you of dat terrible bree'din problem you have." He says very matter of fact. "Why would (person who sent him) care about my asthma? I grew out of that years ago," you say, confused. "No, not yer asthma. Yer still bree'din. And dats a problem." "Oh, that makes more sense." You: [[Thank him and release him->Mary Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Mary Partner]]

"Babe: Pig in Da City," he says, curious why you're asking. "I really connected wid pork wantin' to be more dan jus de udder white meat." He pauses. "It's why I took dis assassin job. Eryone where I grew up's born, works and dies at da pig farm. Dis was my chance to escape. To not be like my fad'er and his fad'er and so on. When (person who sent him), came into town, I saw my escape and I took it. Why are you smiling?" A smile has crept across your face, and it takes a second for the bacon ninja to realize what he's done. You: [[Thank him and release him->Mary Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Mary Partner]]

"I don't know, man. Wa kin'na clown-shoes question is dat? I guess, well, yer dragged into dis world against yer will, might as well try to make da best of it. Dat's why I became an assassin. I wan'ed to make more of my life. And (person who sent him) gave me da opportunity to make more of my small life." You smile. "Aw man, I jus said his name didn't I?" You: [[Thank him and release him->Mary Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Mary Partner]]

"(person who sent him) sent me to rid you of dat terrible bree'din problem you have." He says very matter of fact. "Why would (person who sent him) care about my asthma? I grew out of that years ago," you say, confused. "No, not yer asthma. Yer still bree'din. And dats a problem." "Oh, that makes more sense." You: [[Thank him and release him->Regilia Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Regilia Partner]]

"Babe: Pig in Da City," he says, curious why you're asking. "I really connected wid pork wantin' to be more dan jus de udder white meat." He pauses. "It's why I took dis assassin job. Eryone where I grew up's born, works and dies at da pig farm. Dis was my chance to escape. To not be like my fad'er and his fad'er and so on. When (person who sent him), came into town, I saw my escape and I took it. Why are you smiling?" A smile has crept across your face, and it takes a second for the bacon ninja to realize what he's done. You: [[Thank him and release him->Regilia Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Regilia Partner]]

"I don't know, man. Wa kin'na clown-shoes question is dat? I guess, well, yer dragged into dis world against yer will, might as well try to make da best of it. Dat's why I became an assassin. I wan'ed to make more of my life. And (person who sent him) gave me da opportunity to make more of my small life." You smile. "Aw man, I jus said his name didn't I?" You: [[Thank him and release him->Regilia Release]] [[Thank him and partner up->Regilia Partner]]

You cut the ropes off bacon ninja, "You're free to go." "Really?" "Go do something better with your life. And take some speech classes. It's," you make the "th" sound. "Danks, Steve. I don't deserve dis, but I'll try to live a life wordy of your kindness." Filled with optimism for his new life, the bacon ninja hobbles out the hole in your cabin where your door used to be. He's then immediately eaten by a raccoon. [[Avenge him->Steve Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->Steve Don't Avenge]]

"This may be weird because the whole, you just tried to kill me thing, but wanna join my quest to exact some righteous justice on your former employer?" "Are you sure?" he says, unsure why on earth you'd ask him to join you. "Totally. We all gotta die of something. Why not have mine be from a sudden betrayal that everyone besides me saw coming right from the start?" "Den count me in!" [[Syke!->Steve Syke]] [["Let's roll!"->Steve Partner Name]]

You cut the ropes off bacon ninja, "You're free to go." "Really?" "Go do something better with your life. And take some speech classes. It's," you make the "th" sound. "Danks, Thunderhammer. I don't deserve dis, but I'll try to live a life wordy of your kindness." Filled with optimism for his new life, the bacon ninja hobbles out the hole in your cabin where your door used to be. He's then immediately eaten by a raccoon. [[Avenge him->TH Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->TH Don't Avenge]]

You cut the ropes off bacon ninja, "You're free to go." "Really?" "Go do something better with your life. And take some speech classes. It's," you make the "th" sound. "Danks, Mary. I don't deserve dis, but I'll try to live a life wordy of your kindness." Filled with optimism for his new life, the bacon ninja hobbles out the hole in your cabin where your door used to be. He's then immediately eaten by a raccoon. [[Avenge him->Mary Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->Mary Don't Avenge]]

You cut the ropes off bacon ninja, "You're free to go." "Really?" "Go do something better with your life. And take some speech classes. It's," you make the "th" sound. "Danks, Regilia. I don't deserve dis, but I'll try to live a life wordy of your kindness." Filled with optimism for his new life, the bacon ninja hobbles out of the hole in your cabin where your door used to be. He's then immediately eaten by a raccoon. [[Avenge him->Regilia Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->Regilia Don't Avenge]]

You chase the raccoon for what feels like hours. You stop to catch your breath. Checking your watch, you see that it has indeed been hours. Your feeling was right. The forest is silent, minus the ticking of your watch and your belabered breathing. You hear a faint skittering noise. It's growing louder. You look around. *Louder* It's behind you. *LOUDER* You turn. Silence. [[Wet yourself->Steve Wet Yourself]] [[Call out->Steve Call Out]]

You watch as the raccoon scampers off, belly full, into the forest. "That bacon ninja's life has just fallen to bits." You look around to see if anyone heard your sweet 80's movie one-liner. No one did. When a pun is made in the forest and no one is around to hear it, it's still terrible. [[*Shut up, narrator! It was great! Self-five!*->Steve Shut Up]] [[Go get dressed->Steve Get Dressed]]

You watch as the raccoon scampers off, belly full, into the forest. "That bacon ninja's life has just fallen to bits." You look around to see if anyone heard your sweet 80's movie one-liner. No one did. When a pun is made in the forest and no one is around to hear it, it's still terrible. [[*Shut up, narrator! It was great! Self-five!*->Mary Shut Up]] [[Go get dressed->Mary Get Dressed]]

You watch as the raccoon scampers off, belly full, into the forest. "That bacon ninja's life has just fallen to bits." You look around to see if anyone heard your sweet 80's movie one-liner. No one did. When a pun is made in the forest and no one is around to hear it, it's still terrible. [[*Shut up, narrator! It was great! Self-five!*->Regilia Shut Up]] [[Go get dressed->Regilia Get Dressed]]

You reach out to help the bacon ninja stand. As he reaches out in turn, you pull back your hand and slick back your non-existent. "You actually thought I'd forgive you? Seriously? You tried to kill me. Like a half hour ago. I don't hate you, bacon dude. We all have crap jobs. I'm just not dumb enough to trust you. Now please leave my house. Go live a better life, man." As he walks out the doorway that used to house your front door, he looks back, dejected. "I'm truly sor.." Before he can finish a raccoon eats him whole. [[Avenge him->Steve Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->Steve Don't Avenge]]

Bacon ninja, whose name you learn to be Jamaul, gives up his employer's name and location imminently. "Lady's name is Madam Imadam. She lives here," he points to the town of Pnkey, a small suburb on the outskirts of Foote. "That's not close. We best get steppin'." You grab your gear and: [[Montage your way quickly to (somewhere)->Steve/Bacon Montage 1]] [[Take the boring slow, real-time way there->Steve/Bacon Boring 1]]

You reach out to help the bacon ninja stand. As he reaches out in turn, you pull back your hand and slick back your long, rainbow colored hair. "You actually thought I'd forgive you? Seriously? You tried to kill me. Like a half hour ago. I don't hate you, bacon dude. We all have crap jobs. I'm just not dumb enough to trust you. Now please leave my house. Go live a better life, man." As he walks out the doorway that used to house your front door, he looks back, dejected. "I'm truly sor.." Before he can finish a raccoon eats him whole. [[Avenge him->TH Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->TH Don't Avenge]]

Bacon ninja, whose name you learn to be Jamaul, gives up his employer's name and location imminently. "Lady's name is Madam Imadam. She lives here," he points to the town of Pnkey, a small suburb on the outskirts of Foote. "That's not close. We best get steppin'." You grab your gear and: [[Montage your way quickly to (somewhere)->TH/Bacon Montage]] [[Take the boring slow, real-time way there->TH/Bacon Boring 1]]

You reach out to help the bacon ninja stand. As he reaches out in turn, you pull back your hand and slick back your brown, shoulder length hair. "You actually thought I'd forgive you? Seriously? You tried to kill me. Like a half hour ago. I don't hate you, bacon dude. We all have crap jobs. I'm just not dumb enough to trust you. Now please leave my house. Go live a better life, man." As he walks out the doorway that used to house your front door, he looks back, dejected. "I'm truly sor.." Before he can finish a raccoon eats him whole. [[Avenge him->Mary Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->Mary Don't Avenge]]

Bacon ninja, whose name you learn to be Jamaul, gives up his employer's name and location imminently. "Lady's name is Madam Imadam. She lives here," he points to the town of Pnkey, a small suburb on the outskirts of Foote. "That's not close. We best get steppin'." You grab your gear and: [[Montage your way quickly to (somewhere)->Mary/Bacon Montage]] [[Take the boring slow, real-time way there->Mary/Bacon Boring 1]]

You reach out to help the bacon ninja stand. As he reaches out in turn, you pull back your hand and slick back your unkempt red hair. "You actually thought I'd forgive you? Seriously? You tried to kill me. Like a half hour ago. I don't hate you, bacon dude. We all have crap jobs. I'm just not dumb enough to trust you. Now please leave my house. Go live a better life, man." As he walks out the doorway that used to house your front door, he looks back, dejected. "I'm truly sor.." Before he can finish a raccoon eats him whole. [[Avenge him->Regilia Avenge]] [[Don't avenge him->Regilia Don't Avenge]]

Bacon ninja, whose name you learn to be Jamaul, gives up his employer's name and location imminently. "Lady's name is Madam Imadam. She lives here," he points to the town of Pnkey, a small suburb on the outskirts of Foote. "That's not close. We best get steppin'." You grab your gear and: [[Montage your way quickly to (somewhere)->Regilia/Bacon Montage]] [[Take the boring slow, real-time way there->Regilia/Bacon Boring 1]]

A twig snaps in the distance. You shriek in a way that would embarrass teen girls while simultaneously ruining your favorite pajamas. As you regain a little bit of your composure and none of your dignity, you see the head of that raccoon from earlier emerge from behind a tree. He looks the same, But now he's standing 7-feet tall, wearing an elaborate wooden exoskeleton manned by a team of four other raccoons. It's like a raccoon Megazord, Voltron, Gundam, Jaeger, whatever your reference point is for giant fighting robot is. [[Fight->Steve Raccoon Fight]] [[Flight->Steve Raccoon Flight]]

You try to call out, but the words catch in you through. You try again. "Hello?" you whisper. The silence answers with more silence like it's waiting for the beat to drop. Then the beat drops. The raccoon from earlier emerges from behind a tree. But now he's standing 7-feet tall, wearing an elaborate wooden exoskeleton manned by a team of four other raccoons. It's like a raccoon Megazord, Voltron, Gundam, Jaeger, whatever your reference point is for giant fighting robots is. [[Fight->Steve Raccoon Fight]] [[Flight->Steve Raccoon Flight]]

A twig snaps in the distance. You shriek in a way that would embarrass teen girls while simultaneously ruining your favorite pajamas. As you regain a little bit of your composure and none of your dignity, you see the head of that raccoon from earlier emerge from behind a tree. He looks the same, But now he's standing 7-feet tall, wearing an elaborate wooden exoskeleton manned by a team of four other raccoons. It's like a raccoon Megazord, Voltron, Gundam, Jaeger, whatever your reference point is for giant fighting robot is. [[Fight->Mary Raccoon Fight]] [[Flight->Mary Raccoon Flight]]

You try to call out, but the words catch in you through. You try again. "Hello?" you whisper. The silence answers with more silence like it's waiting for the beat to drop. Then the beat drops. The raccoon from earlier emerges from behind a tree. But now he's standing 7-feet tall, wearing an elaborate wooden exoskeleton manned by a team of four other raccoons. It's like a raccoon Megazord, Voltron, Gundam, Jaeger, whatever your reference point is for giant fighting robots is. [[Fight->Mary Raccoon Fight]] [[Flight->Mary Raccoon Flight]]

A twig snaps in the distance. You shriek in a way that would embarrass teen girls while simultaneously ruining your favorite pajamas. As you regain a little bit of your composure and none of your dignity, you see the head of that raccoon from earlier emerge from behind a tree. He looks the same, But now he's standing 7-feet tall, wearing an elaborate wooden exoskeleton manned by a team of four other raccoons. It's like a raccoon Megazord, Voltron, Gundam, Jaeger, whatever your reference point is for giant fighting robots is. [[Fight->Regilia Raccoon Fight]] [[Flight->Regilia Raccoon Flight]]

You try to call out, but the words catch in you through. You try again. "Hello?" you whisper. The silence answers with more silence like it's waiting for the beat to drop. Then the beat drops. The raccoon from earlier emerges from behind a tree. But now he's standing 7-feet tall, wearing an elaborate wooden exoskeleton manned by a team of four other raccoons. It's like a raccoon Megazord, Voltron, Gundam, Jaeger, whatever your reference point is for giant fighting robots is. [[Fight->Regilia Raccoon Fight]] [[Flight->Regilia Raccoon Flight]]

"Whoa! Cool down, Steve. It was a decent pun," says the disembodied voice. "Thank you. That's all I wanted. Also, am I having a conversation with an omniscient voice? That's weird, right?" "Yes. And yes, it is." responds the voice, bluntly. "Am I a God now?" you say, wondering how you may have become a God overnight. "Moonbeams, maybe?" you think to yourself while placing your arms akimbo and puffing out your chest, superman style. "Nope, sorry, Steve. You're not a God. And moonbeams are just opposite sunbeams. It was actually that pun. It was so bad it gave you a sentient brain tumor. Hi." [["Hello?"->Steve Ricky]] [["Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"->Steve Ricky]]

You duck back through your doorframe, over the carcass of your once majestic door, and head for your closet. Kicking your PJs into your hamper, you grab: **Wait!** You forgot to shower. "What am I, some sort of Kythe?" you think. (studio audience gasp noise) Then feeling bad for perpetuating a demoralizing and regressive stereotype, you shower off your shame. And dirt, but mostly shame. Then freshly cleaned of both dirt and your sins, you grab: [[A suit (cloth)->Steve Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->Steve Armour]] [[A suit (birthday)->Steve Birthday]]

"Whoa! Cool down, Thunderhammer. It was a decent pun," says the disembodied voice. "Thank you. That's all I wanted. Also, am I having a conversation with an omniscient voice? That's weird, right?" "Yes. And yes, it is." responds the voice, bluntly. "Am I a God now?" you say, wondering how you may have become a God overnight. "Moonbeams, maybe?" you think to yourself while placing your arms akimbo and puffing out your chest, superman style. "Nope, sorry, Thunderhammer. You're not a God. And moonbeams are just opposite sunbeams. It was actually that pun. It was so bad it gave you a sentient brain tumor. Hi." [["Hello?"->TH Ricky]] [["Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"->TH Ricky]]

You duck back through your doorframe, over the carcass of your once majestic door, and head for your closet. Kicking your PJs into your hamper, you grab: **Wait!** You forgot to shower. "What am I, some sort of Kythe?" you think. (studio audience gasp noise) Then feeling bad for perpetuating a demoralizing and regressive stereotype, you shower off your shame. And dirt, but mostly shame. Then freshly cleaned of both dirt and your sins, you grab: [[A suit (cloth)->TH Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->TH Armour]] [[A suit (birthday)->TH Birthday]]

"Whoa! Cool down, Mary. It was a decent pun," says the disembodied voice. "Thank you. That's all I wanted. Also, am I having a conversation with an omniscient voice? That's weird, right?" "Yes. And yes, it is." responds the voice, bluntly. "Am I a God now?" you say, wondering how you may have become a God overnight. "Moonbeams, maybe?" you think to yourself while placing your arms akimbo and puffing out your chest, superman style. "Nope, sorry, Mary. You're not a God. And moonbeams are just opposite sunbeams. It was actually that pun. It was so bad it gave you a sentient brain tumor. Hi." [["Hello?"->Mary Ricky]] [["Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"->Mary Ricky]]

You duck back through your doorframe, over the carcass of your once majestic door, and head for your closet. Kicking your PJs into your hamper, you grab: **Wait!** You forgot to shower. "What am I, some sort of Kythe?" you think. (studio audience gasp noise) Then feeling bad for perpetuating a demoralizing and regressive stereotype, you shower off your shame. And dirt, but mostly shame. Then freshly cleaned of both dirt and your sins, you grab: [[A suit (cloth)->Mary Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->Mary Armour]] [[A suit (birthday)->Mary Birthday]]

"Whoa! Cool down, Regilia. It was a decent pun," says the disembodied voice. "Thank you. That's all I wanted. Also, am I having a conversation with an omniscient voice? That's weird, right?" "Yes. And yes, it is." responds the voice, bluntly. "Am I a God now?" you say, wondering how you may have become a God overnight. "Moonbeams, maybe?" you think to yourself while placing your arms akimbo and puffing out your chest, superman style. "Nope, sorry, Regilia. You're not a God. And moonbeams are just opposite sunbeams. It was actually that pun. It was so bad it gave you a sentient brain tumor. Hi." [["Hello?"->Regilia Ricky]] [["Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"->Regilia Ricky]]

You duck back through your doorframe, over the carcass of your once majestic door, and head for your closet. Kicking your PJs into your hamper, you grab: **Wait!** You forgot to shower. "What am I, some sort of Kythe?" you think. (studio audience gasp noise) Then feeling bad for perpetuating a demoralizing and regressive stereotype, you shower off your shame. And dirt, but mostly shame. Then freshly cleaned of both dirt and your sins, you grab: [[A suit (cloth)->Regilia Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->Regilia Armour]] [[A suit (birthday)->Regilia Birthday]]

You pull Snuggly off your back with both hands and take fighting positon aginst the Raccoon-bot. It approaches more swiftly than you'd expect a woodden machine built and manned by raccoons to be. You: [[Swing your Warhammer->TH Fight Hammer]] [[Let it get a few good hits in first->TH Fight Cockey]]

You take off sprinting back the way you came. The raccoon-bot gives chase, moving more swiftly that you'd expect a wooden machine built and manned by raccoons to be. There's a fork in the road. You go: [[Right->TH Flight 3 Fork]] [[Left->TH Flight Log]]

The raccoon-bot approaches, moving as if it was made of wood and powered by a team of raccoons, or in other words, confusingly coordinated. You: [[Take a fighting stance->Mary Fight Stance]] [[Look for a weapon->Mary Fight Weapon]]

The raccoon-bot approaches, moving as if it was made of wood and powered by a team of raccoons, or in other words, confusingly coordinated. You: [[Take a fighting stance->Regilia Fight Stance]] [[Look for a weapon->Regilia Fight Weapon]]

The raccoon-bot approches, moving as if it was made of wood and powered by a team of raccoons, or in other words, confusingly cordinated. You: [[Take a fighting stance->Steve Fight Stance]] [[Look for a weapon->Steve Fight Weapon]]

A three way fork in the road ahead. You sprint down the: [[Left Path->Steve Flight High/Low]] [[Center Path->Steve Flight Fork]] [[Right Path->Steve Flight Log]]

The racoons are gaining. A chest high log crosses the path in front of you. You: [[Slide under->Steve Flight 3 Fork]] [[Jump over->Steve Flight Fork]]

Off to your right, you see a briar patch. You: [[Jump in and hide->Steve Flight Briar 2]] [[Keep running past->Steve Flight Cliff]]

You slam your body's e-brake, stopping inches short of the edge of a cliff. There's nowhere to go, which is fine because you were running on empty anyway. You hear the raccoons smashing through the brush behind you. As you catch your breath, you look over the edge and see a river about 90ft down. You: [[Turn and fight->Steve Raccoon Fight]] [[Jump and pray->Steve Flight Jump]]

There's another fork! You go: [[Left->Steve Flight 3 Fork]] [[Center Path->Steve Flight High/Low]] [[Right->Steve Flight Log]]

You can feel the raccoons are almost on top of you now. There's a high road and low road up ahead. You take the: [[High Road->Steve Flight Briar]] [[Low Road->Steve Flight Low]]

As you step onto the low road, a fear fart escapes — it's super effective. The stench slows down the raccoons. (A fart defense? What'd you expect? You did choose the "Low Road".) As you gain speed down the hill, there's another fork. "Lots of forks in this forest path," you think as you take the: [[Left Path->Steve Flight Briar]] [[Right Path->Steve Flight Cliff]]

You dive headfirst into the briar patch. And much like diving into the shallow ends of pools, it does not go well. Not only are you now stuck and have a face full of thorns. Your pajamas have been shredded to ribbons. Leaving you both stuck and naked. The raccoon-bot emerges from the forest and sees you stuck in the briar patch, naked with your butt up in the air, privates enjoying the morning breeze. They start making a shrieking sound that you suppose is raccoon laughter. Before they can even get to you, you die of embarrassment. [[THE END->Start]]

You close your eyes, hope the river is deep, and leap. Immediately, you realize you should open your eyes. You then cross your feet and arms becasue you saw someone do it on a Red Bull commercial. For some reason, The Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* "I wish I had some Redbull," is your last thought before you hit the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Steve Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Steve Jump Live]]

You chose to not survive? Really? I'll let you choose again if you'd like. Just this once. [[You don't make it 👻->Steve Jump Dead 2]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Steve Jump Live]]

You crawl onto shore, kiss the sand, spit out the sand now occupying your mouth, and flop onto your back, thankful to be alive. The sun hangs high in the sky now. You sit up, which hurts like the dickens because your whole body is a bruise, and look around, hoping to find some help. To your (but not this narrator's) surprise, you're on the beach right behind your house. "Well, thank you, Universe," you say to the universe not sure if it can actually hear you. It did. The Universe responds, "You're welcome," but it was in the form of two otters holding hands, so you didn't hear it. You now: [[Crawl into your house, get dressed, and continue your quest->Steve Get Dressed]] [[Crawl into your house, get into bed, and sleep for a week->Steve Sleep Week]]

For reals? Okay. Well, back to the story, I guess? You don't survive the fall. Your body is found a few days later, miles down river. Fish have eaten your eyes. Your death is ruled a suicide. Your family never recovers. [[THE END->Start]]

You check your stats, only to realize all your armor and weapons are back home. You're only in your PJs. Your health is 10, attack is 1, and your armour is 🛏. Your agility is 45 though. Fighting might not have been the best choice, but it's the only one you have now. The raccoon-bot throws a right cross. You: [[Dodge->Steve Fight Dodge]] [[Get hit->Steve Fight Hit]]

You search the surrounding and see: [[A small rock->Steve Fight Rock]] [[A kind of sharp looking stick->Steve Fight Stick]] [[The hilt of a broadsword sticking out of a large stone->Steve Fight Sword]]

Miss. Follows that up with a left jab. You: [[Duck->Steve Fight Duck]] [[Get hit->Steve Fight Hit]]

The raccoon-bot's attack hits with such force you go flying off the nearby cliff, down to the river below. You slam into the water not diver smooth, like a pencil, more tangled, like an octopus playing twister. [[You don't make it 👻->Steve Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Steve Jump Live]]

Miss. Another left jab. You: [[Dip->Steve Fight Dip]] [[Get hit->Steve Fight Hit]]

Miss. Combos a right upper cut. You: [[Dive->Steve Fight Dive]] [[Get hit->Steve Fight Hit]]

Miss. The racccoon-bot is tiring. In what seems like a last ditch effort, it uproots a tree and swings it at you. You: [[Dodge->Steve Fight End]] [[Get hit->Steve Fight Hit]]

You try to dodge, but the tree catches you squarely on the side. Pain erupts over your whole body as the force of the shot, send you flying over the nearby cliff, down to the river below. You're pain-blinded but can hear. All you hear though is "Eeeeeeeeeeee," which is either the wind rushing by your ears or a dolphin mocking your failure. Before you can decide, you're knocked unconscious by the impact of the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Steve Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Steve Jump Live]]

You grab the rock and fastball it at the approaching raccoon-bot. It catches it, does a sweet roll, and pegs you in the head with your own rock. While you're stunned, he grabs your leg and carelessly flings you over the nearby cliff. You don't even remember hitting the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Steve Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Steve Jump Live]]

You grab the pointed stick only for it to crumble in your hands in a shower of termites. As you sigh in disbelief, the raccoon-bot executes a totally awesome flying scissor-kick and you ragdoll over a nearby cliff. Unconscious, you slam into the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Steve Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Steve Jump Live]]

You vault over a log onto the stone with the sword stuck in it. You grab the hilt and feel an electricity pulse through your body. You pull with all your might. Nothing happens. You try again. Still nothing. From behind you, you hear, "Squee-ee eekk, kees." Your raccoon is a little rusy, but you think he said, "Wrong story, bro." Then a sharp pain on your temple, and you're flying, unconscious over a nearby cliff. [[You don't make it 👻->Steve Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Steve Jump Live]]

An explosion of raccoon and robot parts occurs on contact. "That was easy." You look around, wondering who said, "That was easy." You notice that one of the robot's arms landed on a big red button with "Staples" written on it in white block letters. Fight over and covered in raccoon visera, you realize you never got dressed this morning. You're still in your PJs. You: [[Go get dressed->TH Get Dressed]] [[Make armor out of the defeated robot and raccoons->TH Fight Armor]]

The force of the raccoon-bot's attack surprises you. You process your underestimation as you go flying off the nearby cliff, down to the river below. You slam into the water not diver smooth, like a pencil, more tangled, like an octopus playing twister. [[You don't make it 👻->TH Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->TH Jump Live]]

A three way fork in the road ahead. You sprint down the: [[Left Path->TH Flight High/Low]] [[Center Path->TH Flight Fork]] [[Right Path->TH Flight Log]]

The racoons are gaining. A chest high log crosses the path in front of you. You: [[Slide under->TH Flight 3 Fork]] [[Jump over->TH Flight Fork]]

You can feel the raccoons are almost on top of you now. There's a high road and low road up ahead. You take the: [[High Road->TH Flight Briar]] [[Low Road->TH Flight Low]]

There's another fork! You go: [[Left->TH Flight 3 Fork]] [[Center Path->TH Flight High/Low]] [[Right->TH Flight Log]]

Off to your right, you see a briar patch. You: [[Jump in and hide->TH Flight Briar 2]] [[Keep running past->TH Flight Cliff]]

You slam your body's e-brake, stopping inches short of the edge of a cliff. There's nowhere to go, which is fine because you were running on empty anyway. You hear the raccoons smashing through the brush behind you. As you catch your breath, you look over the edge and see a river about 90ft down. You: [[Turn and fight->TH Raccoon Fight]] [[Jump and pray->TH Flight Jump]]

You close your eyes, hope the river is deep, and leap. Immediately, you realize you should open your eyes. You then cross your feet and arms becasue you saw someone do it on a Red Bull commercial. For some reason, The Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* "I wish I had some Redbull," is your last thought before you hit the water. [[You don't make it 👻->TH Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->TH Jump Live]]

You chose to not survive? Really? I'll let you choose again if you'd like. Just this once. [[You don't make it 👻->TH Jump Dead 2]] [[You survive 🚫👻->TH Jump Live]]

You crawl onto shore, kiss the sand, spit out the sand now occupying your mouth, and flop onto your back, thankful to be alive. The sun hangs high in the sky now. You sit up, which hurts like the dickens because your whole body is a bruise, and look around, hoping to find some help. To your (but not this narrator's) surprise, you're on the beach right behind your house. "Well, thank you, Universe," you say to the universe not sure if it can actually hear you. It did. The Universe responds, "You're welcome," but it was in the form of two otters holding hands, so you didn't hear it. You now: [[Crawl into your house, get dressed, and continue your quest->TH Get Dressed]] [[Crawl into your house, get into bed, and sleep for a week->TH Sleep Week]]

A three way fork in the road ahead. You sprint down the: [[Left Path->Mary Flight High/Low]] [[Center Path->Mary Flight Fork]] [[Right Path->Mary Flight Log]]

The racoons are gaining. A chest high log crosses the path in front of you. You: [[Slide under->Mary Flight 3 Fork]] [[Jump over->Mary Flight Fork]]

You can feel the raccoons are almost on top of you now. There's a high road and low road up ahead. You take the: [[High Road->Mary Flight Briar]] [[Low Road->Mary Flight Low]]

There's another fork! You go: [[Left->Mary Flight 3 Fork]] [[Center->Mary Flight High/Low]] [[Right->Mary Flight Log]]

Off to your right, you see a briar patch. You: [[Jump in and hide->Mary Flight Briar 2]] [[Keep running past->Mary Flight Cliff]]

As you step onto the low road, a fear fart escapes — it's super effective. The stench slows down the raccoons. (A fart defense? What'd you expect? You did choose the "Low Road".) As you gain speed down the hill, there's another fork. "Lots of forks in this forest path," you think as you take the: [[Left Path->Mary Flight Briar]] [[Right Path->Mary Flight Cliff]]

You slam your body's e-brake, stopping inches short of the edge of a cliff. There's nowhere to go, which is fine because you were running on empty anyway. You hear the raccoons smashing through the brush behind you. As you catch your breath, you look over the edge and see a river about 90ft down. You: [[Turn and fight->Mary Raccoon Fight]] [[Jump and pray->Mary Flight Jump]]

You close your eyes, hope the river is deep, and leap. Immediately, you realize you should open your eyes. You then cross your feet and arms becasue you saw someone do it on a Red Bull commercial. For some reason, The Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* "I wish I had some Redbull," is your last thought before you hit the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Mary Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Mary Jump Live]]

You chose to not survive? Really? I'll let you choose again if you'd like. Just this once. [[You don't make it 👻->Mary Jump Dead 2]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Mary Jump Live]]

You crawl onto shore, kiss the sand, spit out the sand now occupying your mouth, and flop onto your back, thankful to be alive. The sun hangs high in the sky now. You sit up, which hurts like the dickens because your whole body is a bruise, and look around, hoping to find some help. To your (but not this narrator's) surprise, you're on the beach right behind your house. "Well, thank you, Universe," you say to the universe not sure if it can actually hear you. It did. The Universe responds, "You're welcome," but it was in the form of two otters holding hands, so you didn't hear it. You now: [[Crawl into your house, get dressed, and continue your quest->Mary Get Dressed]] [[Crawl into your house, get into bed, and sleep for a week->Mary Sleep Week]]

You search the surrounding and see: [[A small rock->Mary Fight Rock]] [[A kind of sharp looking stick->Mary Fight Stick]] [[The hilt of a broadsword sticking out of a large stone->Mary Fight Sword]]

You grab the rock and fastball it at the approaching raccoon-bot. It catches it, does a sweet roll, and pegs you in the head with your own rock. While you're stunned, he grabs your leg and carelessly flings you over the nearby cliff. You don't even remember hitting the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Mary Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Mary Jump Live]]

You grab the pointed stick only for it to crumble in your hands in a shower of termites. As you sigh in disbelief, the raccoon-bot executes a totally awesome flying scissor-kick and you ragdoll over a nearby cliff. Unconscious, you slam into the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Mary Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Mary Jump Live]]

You vault over a log onto the stone with the sword stuck in it. You grab the hilt and feel an electricity pulse through your body. You pull with all your might. Nothing happens. You try again. Still nothing. From behind you, you hear, "Squee-ee eekk, kees." Your raccoon is a little rusy, but you think he said, "Wrong story, bro." Then a sharp pain on your temple, and you're flying, unconscious over a nearby cliff. [[You don't make it 👻->Mary Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Mary Jump Live]]

Miss. Follows that up with a left jab. You: [[Duck->Mary Fight Duck]] [[Get hit->Mary Fight Hit]]

The raccoon-bot's attack hits with such force you go flying off the nearby cliff, down to the river below. You slam into the water not diver smooth, like a pencil, more tangled, like an octopus playing twister. [[You don't make it 👻->Mary Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Mary Jump Live]]

Miss. Another left jab. You: [[Dip->Mary Fight Dip]] [[Get hit->Mary Fight Hit]]

Miss. Combos a right upper cut. You: [[Dive->Mary Fight Dive]] [[Get hit->Mary Fight Hit]]

Miss. The racccoon-bot is tiring. In what seems like a last ditch effort, it uproots a tree and swings it at you. You: [[Dodge->Mary Fight End]] [[Get hit->Mary Fight Hit]]

You try to dodge, but the tree catches you squarely on the side. Pain erupts over your whole body as the force of the shot, send you flying over the nearby cliff, down to the river below. You're pain-blinded but can hear. All you hear though is "Eeeeeeeeeeee," which is either the wind rushing by your ears or a dolphin mocking your failure. Before you can decide, you're knocked unconscious by the impact of the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Mary Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Mary Jump Live]]

A three way fork in the road ahead. You sprint down the: [[Left Path->Regilia Flight High/Low]] [[Center Path->Regilia Flight Fork]] [[Right Path->Regilia Flight Log]]

The racoons are gaining. A chest high log crosses the path in front of you. You: [[Slide under->Regilia Flight 3 Fork]] [[Jump over->Regilia Flight Fork]]

You can feel the raccoons are almost on top of you now. There's a high road and low road up ahead. You take the: [[High Road->Regilia Flight Briar]] [[Low Road->Regilia Flight Low]]

There's another fork! You go: [[Left->Regilia Flight 3 Fork]] [[Center->Regilia Flight High/Low]] [[Right->Regilia Flight Log]]

Off to your right, you see a briar patch. You: [[Jump in and hide->Regilia Flight Briar 2]] [[Keep running past->Regilia Flight Cliff]]

As you step onto the low road, a fear fart escapes — it's super effective. The stench slows down the raccoons. (A fart defense? What'd you expect? You did choose the "Low Road".) As you gain speed down the hill, there's another fork. "Lots of forks in this forest path," you think as you take the: [[Left Path->Regilia Flight Briar]] [[Right Path->Regilia Flight Cliff]]

You slam your body's e-brake, stopping inches short of the edge of a cliff. There's nowhere to go, which is fine because you were running on empty anyway. You hear the raccoons smashing through the brush behind you. As you catch your breath, you look over the edge and see a river about 90ft down. You: [[Turn and fight->Regilia Raccoon Fight]] [[Jump and pray->Regilia Flight Jump]]

You close your eyes, hope the river is deep, and leap. Immediately, you realize you should open your eyes. You then cross your feet and arms becasue you saw someone do it on a Red Bull commercial. For some reason, The Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* "I wish I had some Redbull," is your last thought before you hit the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Regilia Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Regilia Jump Live]]

You chose to not survive? Really? I'll let you choose again if you'd like. Just this once. [[You don't make it 👻->Regilia Jump Dead 2]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Regilia Jump Live]]

You crawl onto shore, kiss the sand, spit out the sand now occupying your mouth, and flop onto your back, thankful to be alive. The sun hangs high in the sky now. You sit up, which hurts like the dickens because your whole body is a bruise, and look around, hoping to find some help. To your (but not this narrator's) surprise, you're on the beach right behind your house. "Well, thank you, Universe," you say to the universe not sure if it can actually hear you. It did. The Universe responds, "You're welcome," but it was in the form of two otters holding hands, so you didn't hear it. You now: [[Crawl into your house, get dressed, and continue your quest->Regilia Get Dressed]] [[Crawl into your house, get into bed, and sleep for a week->Regilia Sleep Week]]

You search the surrounding and see: [[A small rock->Regilia Fight Rock]] [[A kind of sharp looking stick->Regilia Fight Stick]] [[The hilt of a broadsword sticking out of a large stone->Regilia Fight Sword]]

You grab the rock and fastball it at the approaching raccoon-bot. It catches it, does a sweet roll, and pegs you in the head with your own rock. While you're stunned, he grabs your leg and carelessly flings you over the nearby cliff. You don't even remember hitting the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Regilia Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Regilia Jump Live]]

You grab the pointed stick only for it to crumble in your hands in a shower of termites. As you sigh in disbelief, the raccoon-bot executes a totally awesome flying scissor-kick and you ragdoll over a nearby cliff. Unconscious, you slam into the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Regilia Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Regilia Jump Live]]

You vault over a log onto the stone with the sword stuck in it. You grab the hilt and feel an electricity pulse through your body. You pull with all your might. Nothing happens. You try again. Still nothing. From behind you, you hear, "Squee-ee eekk, kees." Your raccoon is a little rusy, but you think he said, "Wrong story, bro." Then a sharp pain on your temple, and you're flying, unconscious over a nearby cliff. [[You don't make it 👻->Regilia Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Regilia Jump Live]]

Miss. Follows that up with a left jab. You: [[Duck->Regilia Fight Duck]] [[Get hit->Regilia Fight Hit]]

The raccoon-bot's attack hits with such force you go flying off the nearby cliff, down to the river below. You slam into the water not diver smooth, like a pencil, more tangled, like an octopus playing twister. [[You don't make it 👻->Regilia Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Regilia Jump Live]]

Miss. Another left jab. You: [[Dip->Regilia Fight Dip]] [[Get hit->Regilia Fight Hit]]

Miss. Combos a right upper cut. You: [[Dive->Regilia Fight Dive]] [[Get hit->Regilia Fight Hit]]

Miss. The racccoon-bot is tiring. In what seems like a last ditch effort, it uproots a tree and swings it at you. You: [[Dodge->Regilia Fight End]] [[Get hit->Regilia Fight Hit]]

You try to dodge, but the tree catches you squarely on the side. Pain erupts over your whole body as the force of the shot, send you flying over the nearby cliff, down to the river below. You're pain-blinded but can hear. All you hear though is "Eeeeeeeeeeee," which is either the wind rushing by your ears or a dolphin mocking your failure. Before you can decide, you're knocked unconscious by the impact of the water. [[You don't make it 👻->Regilia Jump Dead]] [[You survive 🚫👻->Regilia Jump Live]]

Ewwwwwwwwww. But okay. (Nasty tailoring details would be here, but I don't want to describe that. Just use your imagination.) After 3 hours of really gross tailoring and a bath in a nearby stream, you're wearing a bespoke suit of fur-lined wooden armour. You look like if a gray bear poorly tried to disguise itself as a tree. You now: [[Show off your dope armor around the area->TH Dope Armour]] [[Continue your quest->TH Continue Quest RCA]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

You start truging off in your new armor and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->TH TO BE CONTINUED - RA]] [["I haven't even started!"->TH TO BE CONTINUED - RA]]

You grab a clean pair of pajamas, set your watch alarm for a week from now, and tuck yourself into bed, letting the sweet calming dark sweep over you. After 3 days and not a peep, tweet, or meep from you, a friend swings by your house. They walk through your door hole, see the shattered egg lady lying on your kitchen floor and you sleeping like the dead on your bed. In a panic, they try to raise you. But after 10 minutes, they call the hospital. You're declared nonresponsive and in a coma. Friends and family all come by and sit next to you, wishing you a speedy recovery. 4 days later, a soft beeping comes from your wristwatch. You open your eyes and notice that this doesn't look like your house at all, but see your mom fast asleep beside you, hear daytime talk shows playing on the TV, and smell the distinct scent of mylar. "Hey, Mom. Why are we at the hospital?" She opens her eyes and doesn't respond. She just cries and hugs you, or hugs you and cries. There's a lot of hugging and crying is all you know. "Good to see you too, Mom," you say just loud enough to be heard over the sobs. "Did you guys think I was in a coma again? Dad was part bear. I hibernate. It's how I sleep. Read a chart for once, doctors!" "Dammit, Thunderhammer," she laughs. You laugh too. Then, having forgotten what you'd been questing about and just happy to see her, you go have brunch with your mom, and you both get silly drunk on mimosas. [[THE END->Start]]

You grab a clean pair of pajamas, set your watch alarm for a week from now, and tuck yourself into bed, letting the sweet calming dark sweep over you. After 3 days and not a peep, tweet, or meep from you, a friend swings by your house. They walk through your door hole, see the shattered egg lady lying on your kitchen floor and you sleeping like the dead on your bed. In a panic, they try to raise you. But after 10 minutes, they call the hospital. You're declared nonresponsive and in a coma. Friends and family all come by and sit next to you, wishing you a speedy recovery. 4 days later, a soft beeping comes from your wristwatch. You open your eyes and notice that this doesn't look like your house at all, but see your mom fast asleep beside you, hear daytime talk shows playing on the TV, and smell the distinct scent of mylar. "Hey, Mom. Why are we at the hospital?" She opens her eyes and doesn't respond. She just cries and hugs you, or hugs you and cries. There's a lot of hugging and crying is all you know. "Good to see you too, Mom," you say just loud enough to be heard over the sobs. "Did you guys think I was in a coma again? Dad was part bear. I hibernate. It's how I sleep. Read a chart for once, doctors!" "Dammit, Steve," she laughs. You laugh too. Then, having forgotten what you'd been questing about and just happy to see her, you go have brunch with your mom, and you both get silly drunk on mimosas. [[THE END->Start]]

You grab a clean pair of pajamas, set your watch alarm for a week from now, and tuck yourself into bed, letting the sweet calming dark sweep over you. After 3 days and not a peep, tweet, or meep from you, a friend swings by your house. They walk through your door hole, see the shattered egg lady lying on your kitchen floor and you sleeping like the dead on your bed. In a panic, they try to raise you. But after 10 minutes, they call the hospital. You're declared nonresponsive and in a coma. Friends and family all come by and sit next to you, wishing you a speedy recovery. 4 days later, a soft beeping comes from your wristwatch. You open your eyes and notice that this doesn't look like your house at all, but see your mom fast asleep beside you, hear daytime talk shows playing on the TV, and smell the distinct scent of mylar. "Hey, Mom. Why are we at the hospital?" She opens her eyes and doesn't respond. She just cries and hugs you, or hugs you and cries. There's a lot of hugging and crying is all you know. "Good to see you too, Mom," you say just loud enough to be heard over the sobs. "Did you guys think I was in a coma again? Dad was part bear. I hibernate. It's how I sleep. Read a chart for once, doctors!" "Dammit, Mary," she laughs. You laugh too. Then, having forgotten what you'd been questing about and just happy to see her, you go have brunch with your mom, and you both get silly drunk on mimosas. [[THE END->Start]]

You grab a clean pair of pajamas, set your watch alarm for a week from now, and tuck yourself into bed, letting the sweet calming dark sweep over you. After 3 days and not a peep, tweet, or meep from you, a friend swings by your house. They walk through your door hole, see the shattered egg lady lying on your kitchen floor and you sleeping like the dead on your bed. In a panic, they try to raise you. But after 10 minutes, they call the hospital. You're declared nonresponsive and in a coma. Friends and family all come by and sit next to you, wishing you a speedy recovery. 4 days later, a soft beeping comes from your wristwatch. You open your eyes and notice that this doesn't look like your house at all, but see your mom fast asleep beside you, hear daytime talk shows playing on the TV, and smell the distinct scent of mylar. "Hey, Mom. Why are we at the hospital?" She opens her eyes and doesn't respond. She just cries and hugs you, or hugs you and cries. There's a lot of hugging and crying is all you know. "Good to see you too, Mom," you say just loud enough to be heard over the sobs. "Did you guys think I was in a coma again? Dad was part bear. I hibernate. It's how I sleep. Read a chart for once, doctors!" "Dammit, Regilia," she laughs. You laugh too. Then, having forgotten what you'd been questing about and just happy to see her, you go have brunch with your mom, and you both get silly drunk on mimosas. [[THE END->Start]]

As you leave your house, an awesome road trip song starts. *Smash Cut* Like magic (because it was magic), you're both laughing and riding a waterslide. *Smash Cut* You guys find $100 on the ground. But give it to a beggar, who happened to be a witch in disguise. She throws you a pizza party with pizza baked by Zeus himself. Zeus is her nephew chef. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->Steve/Bacon Montage 2]] [[See what the boring way is all about->Steve/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are so bored because someone (I'm not petty. I'm not gonna name names here) didn't take the fun montage route (I lied. I'm super petty. It was you). After 6 hours of boring trees, boring paths, boring sky, and one interesting frog, your stomach rumbles, and without thinking about it, you eat Jamaul while he's sleeping. You're so bored it takes you another 3 hours to realize what you've done. You don't feel bad, though. You barely knew the guy, and he tried to kill you like 9 boring hours ago. [[Continue taking the boring way to Pnkey->Steve/Bacon Boring End]] [[Use your single-use TimeTinaTurner to go back and montage ->Steve Partner Name]]

As you leave your house, an awesome road trip song starts. *Smash Cut* Like magic (because it was magic), you're both laughing and riding a waterslide. *Smash Cut* You guys find $100 on the ground. But give it to a beggar, who happened to be a witch in disguise. She throws you a pizza party with pizza baked by Zeus himself. Zeus is her nephew chef. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->TH/Bacon Montage 2]] [[See what the boring way is all about->TH/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are so bored because someone (I'm not petty. I'm not gonna name names here) didn't take the fun montage route (I lied. I'm super petty. It was you). After 6 hours of boring trees, boring paths, boring sky, and one interesting frog, your stomach rumbles, and without thinking about it, you eat Jamaul while he's sleeping. You're so bored it takes you another 3 hours to realize what you've done. You don't feel bad, though. You barely knew the guy, and he tried to kill you like 9 boring hours ago. [[Continue taking the boring way to Pnkey->TH/Bacon Boring End]] [[Use your single-use TimeTinaTurner to go back and montage ->TH Partner Name]]

As you leave your house, an awesome road trip song starts. *Smash Cut* Like magic (because it was magic), you're both laughing and riding a waterslide. *Smash Cut* You guys find $100 on the ground. But give it to a beggar, who happened to be a witch in disguise. She throws you a pizza party with pizza baked by Zeus himself. Zeus is her nephew chef. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->Mary/Bacon Montage 2]] [[See what the boring way is all about->Mary/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are so bored because someone (I'm not petty. I'm not gonna name names here) didn't take the fun montage route (I lied. I'm super petty. It was you). After 6 hours of boring trees, boring paths, boring sky, and one interesting frog, your stomach rumbles, and without thinking about it, you eat Jamaul while he's sleeping. You're so bored it takes you another 3 hours to realize what you've done. You don't feel bad, though. You barely knew the guy, and he tried to kill you like 9 boring hours ago. [[Continue taking the boring way to Pnkey->Mary/Bacon Boring End]] [[Use your single-use TimeTinaTurner to go back and montage ->Mary Partner Name]]

As you leave your house, an awesome road trip song starts. *Smash Cut* Like magic (because it was magic), you're both laughing and riding a waterslide. *Smash Cut* You guys find $100 on the ground. But give it to a beggar, who happened to be a witch in disguise. She throws you a pizza party with pizza baked by Zeus himself. Zeus is her nephew chef. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->Regilia/Bacon Montage 2]] [[See what the boring way is all about->Regilia/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are so bored because someone (I'm not petty. I'm not gonna name names here) didn't take the fun montage route (I lied. I'm super petty. It was you). After 6 hours of boring trees, boring paths, boring sky, and one interesting frog, your stomach rumbles, and without thinking about it, you eat Jamaul while he's sleeping. You're so bored it takes you another 3 hours to realize what you've done. You don't feel bad, though. You barely knew the guy, and he tried to kill you like 9 boring hours ago. [[Continue taking the boring way to Pnkey->Regilia/Bacon Boring End]] [[Use your single-use TimeTinaTurner to go back and montage ->Regilia Partner Name]]

"Yep. Name's Ricky. I would get more acquainted with you, but I already know everything about you, sees how I live in and am made of your brain," he says with a voice that kind of sounds like you doing a bad... maybe New Jersey? accent. You fish for more information, "But I know nothing about you." "And that's all you's need to know, capiche?" his accent has shifted to an offensive New Jersey Mob Guy. "Okay, so what now?" you ask. "I'd suggest gettin's dressed and tryin's to figures out who sent those bacon and egg ninjas to kills yous." He's just adding random S's to the end of words now, but you: [[Don't do that, go see a doctor->Steve Do Doctor]] [[Do that, but also go see a doctor->Steve Don't Doctor]]

After getting dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt — over Ricky's complaints that those aren't revenging clothes, those are the suit of the listless hobo — you call the doctor's office and make an appointment. After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Steve?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of Flong. "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Steve. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->Steve Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->Steve Doctor Steal]]

After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Steve?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of (name). "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Steve. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->Steve Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->Steve Doctor Steal]]

While the doctor's back is turned, you reach for the TuLess and a pun-filled future. You grab the TuLess but only pull back a stump. In a swift motion, Dr. Quack has removed your hand from your body with his wing. "Stealing is not tolerated, Steve. You know the punishment." Dr. Quack drags out into the streets, puts you in stocks modified for one handed people, and you are promptly tarred and feathered. As you rest in the stocks, trying to distract yourself from the itch on your back you'll never reach, you think, "My stock has really gone down." "I'm back, mon!" says a voice that sounds like yours but doing a terrible Jamaican accent. And there you stay, with Ricky, for the rest of your days. [[THE END->Start]]

"Yep. Name's Ricky. I would get more acquainted with you, but I already know everything about you, sees how I live in and am made of your brain," he says with a voice that kind of sounds like you doing a bad... maybe New Jersey? accent. You fish for more information, "But I know nothing about you." "And that's all you's need to know, capiche?" his accent has shifted to an offensive New Jersey Mob Guy. "Okay, so what now?" you ask. "I'd suggest gettin's dressed and tryin's to figures out who sent those bacon and egg ninjas to kills yous." He's just adding random S's to the end of words now, but you: [[Don't do that, go see a doctor->TH Do Doctor]] [[Do that, but also go see a doctor->TH Don't Doctor]]

After getting dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt — over Ricky's complaints that those aren't revenging clothes, those are the suit of the listless hobo — you call the doctor's office and make an appointment. After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Thunderhammer?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of Flong. "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Thunderhammer. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->TH Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->TH Doctor Steal]]

After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Thunderhammer?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of (name). "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Thunderhammer. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->TH Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->TH Doctor Steal]]

While the doctor's back is turned, you reach for the TuLess and a pun-filled future. You grab the TuLess but only pull back a stump. In a swift motion, Dr. Quack has removed your hand from your body with his wing. "Stealing is not tolerated, Thunderhammer. You know the punishment." Dr. Quack drags out into the streets, puts you in stocks modified for one handed people, and you are promptly tarred and feathered. As you rest in the stocks, trying to distract yourself from the itch on your back you'll never reach, you think, "My stock has really gone down." "I'm back, mon!" says a voice that sounds like yours but doing a terrible Jamaican accent. And there you stay, with Ricky, for the rest of your days. [[THE END->Start]]

"Yep. Name's Ricky. I would get more acquainted with you, but I already know everything about you, sees how I live in and am made of your brain," he says with a voice that kind of sounds like you doing a bad... maybe New Jersey? accent. You fish for more information, "But I know nothing about you." "And that's all you's need to know, capiche?" his accent has shifted to an offensive New Jersey Mob Guy. "Okay, so what now?" you ask. "I'd suggest gettin's dressed and tryin's to figures out who sent those bacon and egg ninjas to kills yous." He's just adding random S's to the end of words now, but you: [[Don't do that, go see a doctor->Mary Do Doctor]] [[Do that, but also go see a doctor->Mary Don't Doctor]]

After getting dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt — over Ricky's complaints that those aren't revenging clothes, those are the suit of the listless hobo — you call the doctor's office and make an appointment. After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Mary?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of Flong. "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Mary. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->Mary Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->Mary Doctor Steal]]

After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Mary?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of (name). "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Mary. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->Mary Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->Mary Doctor Steal]]

While the doctor's back is turned, you reach for the TuLess and a pun-filled future. You grab the TuLess but only pull back a stump. In a swift motion, Dr. Quack has removed your hand from your body with his wing. "Stealing is not tolerated, Mary. You know the punishment." Dr. Quack drags out into the streets, puts you in stocks modified for one handed people, and you are promptly tarred and feathered. As you rest in the stocks, trying to distract yourself from the itch on your back you'll never reach, you think, "My stock has really gone down." "I'm back, mon!" says a voice that sounds like yours but doing a terrible Jamaican accent. And there you stay, with Ricky, for the rest of your days. [[THE END->Start]]

"Yep. Name's Ricky. I would get more acquainted with you, but I already know everything about you, sees how I live in and am made of your brain," he says with a voice that kind of sounds like you doing a bad... maybe New Jersey? accent. You fish for more information, "But I know nothing about you." "And that's all you's need to know, capiche?" his accent has shifted to an offensive New Jersey Mob Guy. "Okay, so what now?" you ask. "I'd suggest gettin's dressed and tryin's to figures out who sent those bacon and egg ninjas to kills yous." He's just adding random S's to the end of words now, but you: [[Don't do that, go see a doctor->Regilia Do Doctor]] [[Do that, but also go see a doctor->Regilia Don't Doctor]]

After getting dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt — over Ricky's complaints that those aren't revenging clothes, those are the suit of the listless hobo — you call the doctor's office and make an appointment. After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Regilia?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of Flong. "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Regilia. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->Regilia Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->Regilia Doctor Steal]]

After a 20-minute walk into town filled with Ricky screaming about how all doctors are quacks, you arrive at Dr. Quack's office. "What's the problem today, Regilia?" asks Dr. Quack, a duck given the power to speak by a witch's curse, but given the power to doctor by the Governing Board of The Land of (name). "I made a, in my opinion, decent pun this morning, but it seems like its, again, I thought it was fine, awfulness gave me a sentient tumor named Rickey," you say while Ricky yell-sings the Redbull jingle in you head, now in a bad Scottish accent. "The old terrible pun equals sentient tumor. Not a problem, Regilia. I've seen this before. Not often in people who aren't dads yet, but it's easily treatable," he quacks. "Just let me grab my..." he ruffles through his drawers, "Here it is. My TuLess, it gets rid of as many Tumors as its pun name causes." As Ricky yells the pejorative word for duck over and over, Dr. Quack taps the TuLess twice aginst your head and poof, Ricky is gone. [[Thank the doctor and go put some clothes on finally->Regilia Get Dressed]] [[Thank the doctor and steal the TuLess->Regilia Doctor Steal]]

While the doctor's back is turned, you reach for the TuLess and a pun-filled future. You grab the TuLess but only pull back a stump. In a swift motion, Dr. Quack has removed your hand from your body with his wing. "Stealing is not tolerated, Regilia. You know the punishment." Dr. Quack drags out into the streets, puts you in stocks modified for one handed people, and you are promptly tarred and feathered. As you rest in the stocks, trying to distract yourself from the itch on your back you'll never reach, you think, "My stock has really gone down." "I'm back, mon!" says a voice that sounds like yours but doing a terrible Jamaican accent. And there you stay, with Ricky, for the rest of your days. [[THE END->Start]]

You grab your 7th nicest suit and think, "Damn. That sales lady was right, I do like the way you look." Now that you're feeling so fresh and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->Steve CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->Steve CL Selfie]]

After spending the prerequisite half hour putting on all your armor, you check yourself out in the mirror, and shadow box with your reflection. It catches you square in the jaw with a jab. You then go grab your helmet. Now that you're feeling so shiny and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->Steve AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->Steve AR Selfie]]

Put some clothes on! No one wants to see that. You grab: [[A suit (cloth)->Steve Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->Steve Armour]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->Steve TO BE CONTINUED - AR]] [["I haven't even started!"->Steve TO BE CONTINUED - AR]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->Steve TO BE CONTINUED - CL]] [["I haven't even started!"->Steve TO BE CONTINUED - CL]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->Steve AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->Steve AR But]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->Steve CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->Steve CL But]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->Steve AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->Steve AR Or Else]]

*"Oh! You think you're funny, huh? Think this is funny?!"* As you're getting hassled by the narrator, your doorbell rings. You see a shadow standing in the wall gap. The outline looks humanoid, but the backlighting is ruining the shot. "Come in," you motion and say. As the figure enters, the shadow drips away to reveal the most beautiful being you've ever seen. You know imminently you'll spend the rest of your life trying to make this new stranger happy, no matter the cost. "Hi," the stranger says with a voice that's simultaneously safe and dangerous. A warm tingle starts at your toes and fizzes its way up over your whole body. And with that one word, you're in love like you never thought was possible. You start to respond, as years of happiness flash in front of your eyes, but before you can get a word out, that bacon-loving raccoon from earlier eats her in one bite, stealing happiness from you forever. You don't even have time to react before your heart literally breaks in half. You bleed out in seconds, a life without love is a life unfulfilled. *"What's that? No more funny jokes? Thought so. Remember, you mess with the narrator, you get the sad endings."* [[The END->Start]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->Steve CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->Steve CL Or Else]]

You grab your 7th nicest suit and think, "Damn. That sales lady was right, I do like the way you look." Now that you're feeling so fresh and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->TH CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->TH CL Selfie]]

After spending the prerequisite half hour putting on all your armor, you check yourself out in the mirror, and shadow box with your reflection. It catches you square in the jaw with a jab. You then go grab your helmet. Now that you're feeling so shiny and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->TH AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->TH AR Selfie]]

Put some clothes on! No one wants to see that. You grab: [[A suit (cloth)->TH Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->TH Armour]]

You grab your 7th nicest suit and think, "Damn. That sales lady was right, I do like the way you look." Now that you're feeling so fresh and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->Mary CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->Mary CL Selfie]]

After spending the prerequisite half hour putting on all your armor, you check yourself out in the mirror, and shadow box with your reflection. It catches you square in the jaw with a jab. You then go grab your helmet. Now that you're feeling so shiny and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->Mary AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->Mary AR Selfie]]

Put some clothes on! No one wants to see that. You grab: [[A suit (cloth)->Mary Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->Mary Armour]]

You grab your 7th nicest suit and think, "Damn. That sales lady was right, I do like the way you look." Now that you're feeling so fresh and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->Regilia CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->Regilia CL Selfie]]

After spending the prerequisite half hour putting on all your armor, you check yourself out in the mirror, and shadow box with your reflection. It catches you square in the jaw with a jab. You then go grab your helmet. Now that you're feeling so shiny and so clean clean, you: [[Get back to adventure->Regilia AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Take a selfie->Regilia AR Selfie]]

Put some clothes on! No one wants to see that. You grab: [[A suit (cloth)->Regilia Cloth]] [[A suit (armour)->Regilia Armour]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->TH TO BE CONTINUED - AR]] [["I haven't even started!"->TH TO BE CONTINUED - AR]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->TH AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->TH AR But]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->Mary TO BE CONTINUED - AR]] [["I haven't even started!"->Mary TO BE CONTINUED - AR]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->Mary AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->Mary AR But]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->Regilia TO BE CONTINUED - AR]] [["I haven't even started!"->Regilia TO BE CONTINUED - AR]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->Regilia AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->Regilia AR But]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->TH TO BE CONTINUED - CL]] [["I haven't even started!"->TH TO BE CONTINUED - CL]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->TH CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->TH CL But]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->Mary TO BE CONTINUED - CL]] [["I haven't even started!"->Mary TO BE CONTINUED - CL]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->Mary CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->Mary CL But]]

You head out your door hole and immedietly slam your face into a large white wall that seemed to come out of nowhere. Dazed, you back up from the wall. It's not that big, maybe 15 feet up and 5 feet wide, but its expands out at the top. Thinking about it, it kind of looks like a T. Looking around, you see another white wall over to the right, sam height but circular this time. Although you notice it's also missing its center, kind of like a ring or a donut or ring or a... "Oh no." you say, starting to run up the hill behind you. Later you'll look back at this moment and be disappointed that you didn't recognize the pun you just made. Once you reach the top of the hill you look down. There, streched out below you, you see the T and O, but also 11 more similarly sized white walls. Doing a quick skill you picked up in your youth that your grandmama always refered to as reading, you see the walls say TO BE CONTINUED [["Oh, come on!"->Regilia TO BE CONTINUED - CL]] [["I haven't even started!"->Regilia TO BE CONTINUED - CL]]

NO SELFIES! [[Fine. Get back to adventure->Regilia CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[But...->Regilia CL But]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->TH AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->TH AR Or Else]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->Mary AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->Mary AR Or Else]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->Regilia AR Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->Regilia AR Or Else]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->TH CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->TH CL Or Else]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->Mary CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->Mary CL Or Else]]

Don't argue with the arbitrary rules of this fantasy world! Now get back to adventuring or else! [[Get back to adventure->Regilia CL Back 2 Adventure]] [[Or else->Regilia CL Or Else]]

You and Jamaul accidently share a poison apple. But luckily, it was actually an anti-poison apple. You're both now immune to all poisons. *Smash Cut* You both got ice cream cones, but yours has just fallen on the ground. You're sad until Jamaul pulls another cone out from behind his back and joy sweeps your face once again. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->Steve/Bacon Montage 3]] [[Take the boring way, you're almost there->Steve/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are holding hands, laughing and skipping down the road. Traffic is stopped behind you, horns a blarin', but you can't hear it over you the awesome road trip song and your happiness. *Smash Cut* You're there. Somehow feeling more rested than when you started. You now: [[Ask Jamaul where to go->Steve/Bacon Ask]] [[Wander around town->Steve/Bacon Wander]]

You can't bring yourself to take another step. You sit criss-cross applesause near the top of a hill. As your brain shuts down, you try to take in nature's natural beauty one last time. But there's literally nothing of note for you to see. "So bored." These are you final words. Good news: you pass peacefully in your boredom. Bad news: Foote was on the other side of the hill. You were 12 steps away. [[THE END->Start]]

As Jamaul raise his hand to knock, you wish you'd seen more of the city. You could die here. *KNOCK (shave and a hair cut) KNOCK* "Two bits!" replies a muffled voice from behind the door. "Who dere?" "Breb, It's me Jamaul. I'm back from murdering dat ugly idiot." You look at Jamaul and throw your hands up like, "Come on, man." He shrugs back. "Is Megg wid you?" says the voice, still disguised by the door. "Nah, bro. She didn' make it. Someone is gonna have ta break da news to Gregg and the kids." "Ugggggggggg, this small talk," you think, so you then: [[Continue to wait patiently->Steve Wait]] [[Smash the door down->Steve Blow Door]]

The door explodes like you were a stampeding rhino and it was a wooden door. As you were exploding the door, you though you heard Jamaul yelling either "Stop!" or "Chop!" but don't care either way. Emerging from the mist that used to be the door, you're standing in spacious dojo, dark hard wood everywhere. As you're admiring the arcitecture you also start to notice the hundreds of breakfast ninjas all around you. "I was gonna say we should come back later. Today's da regional semis. All the breakfast dojos in town are here." "Well then tell Madam Imadam, breakfast is about to become the most dead meal of the day," somehow making it sound both cool and intimidating even though its complete nonsense. You remove your laser nunchucks from their holsters. You see as all the breakfast ninjas tighten their grips on their weapons. [[It's on!->Steve Breakfast Fight]] [[Oh, It's so on!->Steve Breakfast Fight]]

You start zoning out as the Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* After about 30 times through, Jamaul snaps you out of your jingle loop with a flick of the ear. "Steve, hello. Welcome back. We should probably go kill some time for a bit. They're having the Breakfast Dojo Regional Semis in there right now. You'd get murdered like super fast. Wanna get some food?" [[Yes->Steve Food]] [[Yes->Steve Food]] [[Yes->Steve Food]] [[No. Kidding. Of course, I do->Steve Food]]

TO BE CONTINUED... [[Continued->Steve Continued]]

CONTINUED... The breakfast ninjas launch a coordinated attack. Read: they just all jump on you at once and stab you with their swords and whatever the name for Raphael's weapon was. That counts as coordinated, right? You're super dead in about 11 seconds. It's not fun for anyone to watch or be a part of. In another, happier news: In a surprise upset, Pancake Dojo is headed to the finals after upsetting the reigning champion, Grapefruit Dojo, by 2 points. They were quite sour over the loss. Go get um, Pancake Dojo! [[THE END->Start]]

You and Jamaul walk over to a falafel stand, order 4 falafels each, add the required sour kraut, avocados, onions, mustard, and hot sauce (I don't really know what a falafel is. Like a hot dog?) and sit down to eat and wait. [[Eat and Wait->Steve TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]] [[Wait and Eat->Steve TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]]

TO BE CONTINUED Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: What the #$%& is a Falafel? Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: SJ12*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: RC49*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: RA73*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: MC82*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: MA19*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: TC11*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: TA29*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: SC62*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: SA85*

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Part 1 (or as I call it, As Far As I've Gotten) alive. Check back soon for Part 2: Raccoon's Revenge Now get back to work. *Your Part 2 Code: TR57*

You and Jamaul accidently share a poison apple. But luckily, it was actually an anti-poison apple. You're both now immune to all poisons. *Smash Cut* You both got ice cream cones, but yours has just fallen on the ground. You're sad until Jamaul pulls another cone out from behind his back and joy sweeps your face once again. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->TH/Bacon Montage 3]] [[Take the boring way, you're almost there->TH/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are holding hands, laughing and skipping down the road. Traffic is stopped behind you, horns a blarin', but you can't hear it over you the awesome road trip song and your happiness. *Smash Cut* You're there. Somehow feeling more rested than when you started. You now: [[Ask Jamaul where to go->TH/Bacon Ask]] [[Wander around town->TH/Bacon Wander]]

"Right over dere," he points. You walk right over there. It takes no time at all. [[Knock politely->Steve Knock]] [[Payback, destroy the door->Steve Blow Door]]

You wander aimlessly around the city, taking in the sights. After an hour, you realize this city has no sights to behold. You ask Jamaul about that. "Yeah, bro. Pnkey ain't got nothin' to see. It's the smallest and worst of the suburds. Most people think Foote would be a better place without it." After what you've seen, you agree, so you: [[Ask Jamaul where to find Madam Imadam->Steve/Bacon Ask]] [[Ask that hobo over there where to find Madam Imadam->Steve/Bacon Ask]]

"Right over dere," he points. You walk right over there. It takes no time at all. [[Knock politely->TH Knock]] [[Payback, destroy the door->TH Blow Door]]

You wander aimlessly around the city, taking in the sights. After an hour, you realize this city has no sights to behold. You ask Jamaul about that. "Yeah, bro. Pnkey ain't got nothin' to see. It's the smallest and worst of the suburds. Most people think Foote would be a better place without it." After what you've seen, you agree, so you: [[Ask Jamaul where to find Madam Imadam->TH/Bacon Ask]] [[Ask that hobo over there where to find Madam Imadam->TH/Bacon Ask]]

The door explodes like you were a stampeding rhino and it was a wooden door. As you were exploding the door, you though you heard Jamaul yelling either "Stop!" or "Chop!" but don't care either way. Emerging from the mist that used to be the door, you're standing in spacious dojo, dark hard wood everywhere. As you're admiring the arcitecture you also start to notice the hundreds of breakfast ninjas all around you. "I was gonna say we should come back later. Today's da regional semis. All the breakfast dojos in town are here." "Well then tell Madam Imadam, breakfast is about to become the most dead meal of the day," somehow making it sound both cool and intimidating even though its complete nonsense. You remove Snuggly from its holsters. You see as all the breakfast ninjas tighten their grips on their weapons. [[It's on!->TH Breakfast Fight]] [[Oh, It's so on!->TH Breakfast Fight]]

You start zoning out as the Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* After about 30 times through, Jamaul snaps you out of your jingle loop with a flick of the ear. "Thunderhammer, hello. Welcome back. We should probably go kill some time for a bit. They're having the Breakfast Dojo Regional Semis in there right now. You'd get murdered like super fast. Wanna get some food?" [[Yes->TH Food]] [[Yes->TH Food]] [[Yes->TH Food]] [[No. Kidding. Of course, I do->TH Food]]

You and Jamaul walk over to a falafel stand, order 4 falafels each, add the required sour kraut, avocados, onions, mustard, and hot sauce (I don't really know what a falafel is. Like a hot dog?) and sit down to eat and wait. [[Eat and Wait->TH TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]] [[Wait and Eat->TH TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]]

TO BE CONTINUED... [[Continued->TH Continued]]

CONTINUED... The breakfast ninjas launch a coordinated attack. Read: they just all jump on you at once and stab you with their swords and whatever the name for Raphael's weapon was. That counts as coordinated, right? You're super dead even with Snuggly, but take tens of them with you. It's not fun for anyone to watch or be a part of. Carnage. In another, happier news: In a surprise upset, Pancake Dojo is headed to the finals after upsetting the reigning champion, Grapefruit Dojo, by 2 points. They were quite sour over the loss. Go get um, Pancake Dojo! [[THE END->Start]]

You and Jamaul accidently share a poison apple. But luckily, it was actually an anti-poison apple. You're both now immune to all poisons. *Smash Cut* You both got ice cream cones, but yours has just fallen on the ground. You're sad until Jamaul pulls another cone out from behind his back and joy sweeps your face once again. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->Mary/Bacon Montage 3]] [[Take the boring way, you're almost there->Mary/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are holding hands, laughing and skipping down the road. Traffic is stopped behind you, horns a blarin', but you can't hear it over you the awesome road trip song and your happiness. *Smash Cut* You're there. Somehow feeling more rested than when you started. You now: [[Ask Jamaul where to go->Mary/Bacon Ask]] [[Wander around town->Mary/Bacon Wander]]

"Right over dere," he points. You walk right over there. It takes no time at all. [[Knock politely->Mary Knock]] [[Payback, destroy the door->Mary Blow Door]]

You wander aimlessly around the city, taking in the sights. After an hour, you realize this city has no sights to behold. You ask Jamaul about that. "Yeah, bro. Pnkey ain't got nothin' to see. It's the smallest and worst of the suburds. Most people think Foote would be a better place without it." After what you've seen, you agree, so you: [[Ask Jamaul where to find Madam Imadam->Mary/Bacon Ask]] [[Ask that hobo over there where to find Madam Imadam->Mary/Bacon Ask]]

As Jamaul raise his hand to knock, you wish you'd seen more of the city. You could die here. *KNOCK (shave and a hair cut) KNOCK* "Two bits!" replies a muffled voice from behind the door. "Who dere?" "Breb, It's me Jamaul. I'm back from murdering dat ugly idiot." You look at Jamaul and throw your hands up like, "Come on, man." He shrugs back. "Is Megg wid you?" says the voice, still disguised by the door. "Nah, bro. She didn' make it. Someone is gonna have ta break da news to Gregg and the kids." "Ugggggggggg, this small talk," you think, so you then: [[Continue to wait patiently->Mary Wait]] [[Smash the door down->Mary Blow Door]]

The door explodes like you were a stampeding rhino and it was a wooden door. As you were exploding the door, you though you heard Jamaul yelling either "Stop!" or "Chop!" but don't care either way. Emerging from the mist that used to be the door, you're standing in spacious dojo, dark hard wood everywhere. As you're admiring the arcitecture you also start to notice the hundreds of breakfast ninjas all around you. "I was gonna say we should come back later. Today's da regional semis. All the breakfast dojos in town are here." "Well then tell Madam Imadam, breakfast is about to become the most dead meal of the day," somehow making it sound both cool and intimidating even though its complete nonsense. You remove your laser nunchucks from their holsters. You see as all the breakfast ninjas tighten their grips on their weapons. [[It's on!->Mary Breakfast Fight]] [[Oh, It's so on!->Mary Breakfast Fight]]

TO BE CONTINUED... [[Continued->Mary Continued]]

You start zoning out as the Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* After about 30 times through, Jamaul snaps you out of your jingle loop with a flick of the ear. "Mary, hello. Welcome back. We should probably go kill some time for a bit. They're having the Breakfast Dojo Regional Semis in there right now. You'd get murdered like super fast. Wanna get some food?" [[Yes->Mary Food]] [[Yes->Mary Food]] [[Yes->Mary Food]] [[No. Kidding. Of course, I do->Mary Food]]

You and Jamaul walk over to a falafel stand, order 4 falafels each, add the required sour kraut, avocados, onions, mustard, and hot sauce (I don't really know what a falafel is. Like a hot dog?) and sit down to eat and wait. You also pull out a few dooms for desert becasue you're nice like that. [[Eat and Wait->Mary TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]] [[Wait and Eat->Mary TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]]

You and Jamaul accidently share a poison apple. But luckily, it was actually an anti-poison apple. You're both now immune to all poisons. *Smash Cut* You both got ice cream cones, but yours has just fallen on the ground. You're sad until Jamaul pulls another cone out from behind his back and joy sweeps your face once again. [[Continue on to Pnkey, montage style->Regilia/Bacon Montage 3]] [[Take the boring way, you're almost there->Regilia/Bacon Boring 1]]

You and Jamaul are holding hands, laughing and skipping down the road. Traffic is stopped behind you, horns a blarin', but you can't hear it over you the awesome road trip song and your happiness. *Smash Cut* You're there. Somehow feeling more rested than when you started. You now: [[Ask Jamaul where to go->Regilia/Bacon Ask]] [[Wander around town->Regilia/Bacon Wander]]

"Right over dere," he points. You walk right over there. It takes no time at all. [[Knock politely->Regilia Knock]] [[Payback, destroy the door->Regilia Blow Door]]

You wander aimlessly around the city, taking in the sights. After an hour, you realize this city has no sights to behold. You ask Jamaul about that. "Yeah, bro. Pnkey ain't got nothin' to see. It's the smallest and worst of the suburds. Most people think Foote would be a better place without it." After what you've seen, you agree, so you: [[Ask Jamaul where to find Madam Imadam->Regilia/Bacon Ask]] [[Ask that hobo over there where to find Madam Imadam->Regilia/Bacon Ask]]

As Jamaul raise his hand to knock, you wish you'd seen more of the city. You could die here. *KNOCK (shave and a hair cut) KNOCK* "Two bits!" replies a muffled voice from behind the door. "Who dere?" "Breb, It's me Jamaul. I'm back from murdering dat ugly idiot." You look at Jamaul and throw your hands up like, "Come on, man." He shrugs back. "Is Megg wid you?" says the voice, still disguised by the door. "Nah, bro. She didn' make it. Someone is gonna have ta break da news to Gregg and the kids." "Ugggggggggg, this small talk," you think, so you then: [[Continue to wait patiently->Regilia Wait]] [[Smash the door down->Regilia Blow Door]]

The door explodes like you were a stampeding rhino and it was a wooden door. As you were exploding the door, you though you heard Jamaul yelling either "Stop!" or "Chop!" but don't care either way. Emerging from the mist that used to be the door, you're standing in spacious dojo, dark hard wood everywhere. As you're admiring the arcitecture you also start to notice the hundreds of breakfast ninjas all around you. "I was gonna say we should come back later. Today's da regional semis. All the breakfast dojos in town are here." "Well then tell Madam Imadam, breakfast is about to become the most dead meal of the day," somehow making it sound both cool and intimidating even though its complete nonsense. You remove your laser nunchucks from their holsters. You see as all the breakfast ninjas tighten their grips on their weapons. [[It's on!->Regilia Breakfast Fight]] [[Oh, It's so on!->Regilia Breakfast Fight]]

TO BE CONTINUED... [[Continued->Regilia Continued]]

You start zoning out as the Redbull jingle pops into your head. *If you're caught in a trap, Just give your arms a flap, And you'll know why the caged bird sings. It works just like magic. Endings won't be tragic. Because Redbull gives you wings! Don't you panic! It's satanic! Redbull gives you actual wings!* After about 30 times through, Jamaul snaps you out of your jingle loop with a flick of the ear. "Mary, hello. Welcome back. We should probably go kill some time for a bit. They're having the Breakfast Dojo Regional Semis in there right now. You'd get murdered like super fast. Wanna get some food?" [[Yes->Regilia Food]] [[Yes->Regilia Food]] [[Yes->Regilia Food]] [[No. Kidding. Of course, I do->Regilia Food]]

You and Jamaul walk over to a falafel stand, order 4 falafels each, add the required sour kraut, avocados, onions, mustard, and hot sauce (I don't really know what a falafel is. Like a hot dog?) and sit down to eat and wait. You also pull out a few dooms for desert becasue you're nice like that. [[Eat and Wait->Regilia TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]] [[Wait and Eat->Regilia TO BE CONTINUED - Jamaul]]