Just Don't Die

You wake up, slightly groggily. It feels like you've been asleep for far too long. "Good morning, human!" says a small voice to your side. You turn and see a small black cat sitting on the windowsill. It licks its paw casually. This, your sleep addled brain decides, is strange. Because you don't have a cat. Oh, and because cats don't talk. You must still be dreaming. "No, you're not dreaming," says the cat. "This is all very real." Drugs, you wonder. Did I take drugs last night? "This is a game," continues the cat, pausing to run its paw over its ear, "Well, at least it is for me. As an extradimensional entity I occasionally get a little bored, you see. So, today, we're going to play a game. Would you like to know what it's called?" You nod. "It's called 'Just Don't Die' - catchy, huh?" You decide you don't really like the sound of that game. "You're probably thinking - I really don't like the sound of that. Well, tough, it's my game and you're stuck with it. The rules are simple. Don't die. The game ends at an arbitrary moment that I decide. Ok, that's the game explained. See you later!" The cat turns and slips out through the curtains and out through the open window. Do you: [[Decide to go back to sleep]] [[Get up and have a shower]] [[Go make some breakfast]]

You decide to go back to sleep and ignore all of this madness. Probably the hallucinations are something to do with that dodgy reheated curry you ate last night. Within seconds of your head hitting the pillow, you are deeply asleep. Which is rather unfortunate as, at that very moment, barrelling through space is a chunk of rock even older than the planet we live on. It rifles into the gravitational pull of the Earth, travelling at hundreds of kilometres per second, and blazes its way through the atmosphere. Friction and heat strip it of much of its potency but it's still travelling at several thousand miles an hour and weighing twenty kilos when it hits your house... If you had time to calcuate the energy released, you'd realise you didn't have much of a chance. But you don't have time, because you're dead. Everything fades to white... [[Go into the light]]

You rub your eyes and decide, for the 74th time, that you really should stop drinking. What you don't realise is that, unlike the previous 73 times, this time you'll actually keep the promise you just made to yourself... You clamber out of bed, strip off, and wander into the bathroom, where you begin running a shower and wait while the water warms up, checking the temperature with your hand. Then you switch on the lights over the sink, which turns out to be something of a mistake for - unknown to you - in the night a wire has come loose. Combined with your wet hand, this results in far too many volts than are healthy flooding your body. The last thought that goes through your head is the realisation that you're going to be discovered stark bollock naked. Then everything fades to white... [[Go into the light]]

You decide to ignore the whole cat thing, reasoning that if you pretend it didn't happen then - before long - your memory will agree. You get up, throw on some clothes, and then head downstairs to make some breakfast. As ever, you find it difficult to make a decision on what to eat. Do you make: [[A nice bowl of cereal]] [[A couple of slices of toast]] [[A big fry up]]

You decide to go for a bowl of cereal, after all what could be nicer than some sugary carbohydrates and a lovely splash of cold milk? You devour the contents of the bowl and put it in the sink. You've just got time to clean your teeth and then, unfortunately, you realise that it's time to go to work. Do you: [[Take a scenic walk]] [[Catch the bus]] [[Decide to skip work entirely and watch some Netflix]]

You decide to pop a few pieces of toast under the grill and then slather copious amounts of butter on them. However, with the knife a little to slick with butter, it slips from your hand and flies up in the air. You look up and - in a rather misfortunate turn of events - gravity returns the knife right through your left eye socket. Everything begins to fade to black and you find that your last thought is that this is surely the stupidest way to die ever...

What better way to start the day, you decide, then to prepare a monster fry up. You grab bacon, eggs, sausages, and mushrooms from the fridge and then pull out the frying pan. You pour a little oil into the frying pan, turn the gas on and click to light it. Nothing happens. You click again. A third time. A fourth time. This is so frustrating. Five clicks, and still nothing. The smell of gas is quite strong now. Six clicks. Seven clicks. Maybe you should stop clicking you think, it might be dangerous... The wall of water that hits your house causes it to disintegrate almost instantly, sweeping you away in a maelstrom that is impossible to resist. Little did you know that, while you prepared breakfast, a dam had burst only a few miles away. Your last thought is that this is all rather ironic, before darkness claims you...

You decide to go back to sleep and ignore all this madness. Probably the hallucinations are something to do with that dodgy reheated curry you ate last night. Within seconds of your head hitting the pillow, you are deeply asleep. Which is rather unfortunate as, at that very moment, barrelling through space is a chunk of rock even older than the planet we live on. It rifles into the gravitational pull of the Earth, travelling at hundreds of kilometres per second, and blazes its way through the atmosphere. Friction and heat strip it of much of its potency but it's still travelling at several thousand miles an hour and weighing twenty kilos when it hits your house... If you had time to calcuate the energy released, you'd realise you didn't have much of a chance. But you don't have time, because you're dead. Everything fades to black... Black? Yes, that's right no redos. You're dead as a doornail. I think it's safe to say you lost at the cat's game...

You rub your eyes and decide, for the 74th time, that you really should stop drinking. What you don't realise is that, unlike the previous 73 times, this time you'll actually keep the promise you just made to yourself... You clamber out of bed, strip off, and wander into the bathroom, where you begin running a shower and wait while the water warms up, checking the temperature with your hand. Then you switch on the lights over the sink, which turns out to be something of a mistake for - unknown to you - in the night a wire has come loose. Combined with your wet hand, this results in far too many volts than are healthy flooding your body. The last thought that goes through your head is the realisation that you're going to be discovered stark bollock naked.Everything fades to black... Black? Yes, that's right no redos. You're dead as a doornail. I think it's safe to say you lost at the cat's game...

You leave the house and begin strolling down the road. You don't see the large red bus enter the street in the distance behind you. You wave to an elderly lady, and smile at passers-by; it's the sort of morning where you feel glad to be alive. The bus gets nearer. You stop to smell the flowers growing in a neighbour's garden. The bus is travelling quite fast now. The driver distracted from the road ahead by some school children who are squabbling. You decide to cross the road. The driver sees you too late to be able to do anything. Fortunately, you're aware of the danger and step back from the curb just in time to let the bus sail by. That was close, you think. You continue on your way to [[work]]

You head out of the house and stand at the bus stop for a few minutes until a large red bus turns the corner. However, in what feels like almost shocking reverse deus ex machina, you feel a sharp sting in your calf and realise that you have been bitten by a very brightly coloured, very venomous snake. That is absolutely ridiculous, you think you to yourself as the venom courses through your bloodstream. Your last thought is that something is really not quite right about today, then blackness claims you...

You decide not to bother going into work; after all, it's not like anyone would miss you. You tend to spend the day in the office doing as little of the work-type stuff as you can get away with, while slipping away to the coffee machine at intervals regular enough to fill an olympic swimming pool in an hour... No, it's a far better idea to stay at home and catch up on some Netflix stuff you've missed. You pop on Bandersnatch and feel a curious sense of deja vu. You're still wondering why when the gas leak you've been totally unaware of ignites and sends the whole house, you including, up in a ball of flames. Everything turns bright orange, and then very very black...

You arrive at work, which feels somewhat surprising after the morning you've had. In the lobby you see a small black cat. "You're doing better than I expected," it says, when no one is looking. "Even if you have been cheating a little. I'm impressed." "Look," you say, "when does this game end?" "Well, truth be told, I'd have liked it to go on much longer but I'm running out of time," said the cat. "So I'm going to call it quits for today." "That's a tad disappointing" you say, "I was just starting to get into this..." "Life can be disappointing," replies the cat, "But, if you enjoyed it then just leave me a message and maybe I can be persuaded to create a more complicated version of this sometime." The cat turns on its tail, which is something it seems cats are very good at, and slinks out of the door. Your morning was more interesting than you originally anticipated, but you feel a little empty nonetheless - almost as if there was a much big adventure possible that never quite came to pass... Oh well, you think with a shrug of your shoulders. Time to pretend to do work-type stuff while consuming far too much coffee... THE END. Possibly.