The White Door Red

People change a lot as they get older. [[Continue->intro2]]

Hardly words of wisdom, I know. But it's a lesson that people seem to learn many times over the course of their lives. [[Continue->intro3]]

As we grow our bodies change. We start to find people interesting for all new kinds of reasons. And they impart changes, too. [[Continue->intro4]]

Changes that change the changes of aging. Ideas. Feelings. Memories warm and cold; bitter and sweet. We develop a palette that changes with us. [[Continue->intro5]]

The trouble with any change is that it's hard to know whether it's for better or worse until it's through. [[Continue->Intro6]]

But we aren't the same people looking back, are we? [[Continue->intro7]]

It's scary sometimes, isn't it? [[Yes->agree1]] [[No->disagree1]]

What if we don't like what we become? [[Continue->agree2]]

It doesn't have to be. Either we choose our paths or we do not, but life goes on. [[Continue->disagree2]]

What if we can't stand what we used to be? [[Continue->dream1]]

I started dreaming recently. [[Continue->dream2]]

Again, that shouldn't seem profound. [[But it is.->dream3]]

Don't we owe it to our current self to be whatever we will be? [[Continue->dream1]]

When I was little I used to dream frequently... [[I was happy.->happy1]] [[I had nightmares.->nightmare1]]

I enjoyed going to bed. Going to sleep. [[My dreams inspired me.->happy2a]] [[My dreams were my escape.->happy2b]]

I still remember them clearly. [[There were many.->nightmare2a]] [[It was always the same.->nightmare2b]]

I would go on adventures to far away places. All the people there were people who I knew. It wasn't easy, but I knew I could make something happen. [[Continue->dream4]]

I dreamt of things I enjoyed: stories that I read, games that I had played, toys that I had loved, and that had loved me. [[Continue->dream4]]

I remember being embarassed at school. I remember losing people I loved. I remember waking up and not being able to explain why I took so long to get ready for school. [[Continue->dream4]]

I remember being picked up by an invisible monster and squirming. I remember the way it laughed. I hated it. [[Continue->dream4]]

I'm not sure when I stopped dreaming. [[I'm not sure why.->dream5]]

My sleep is no more peaceful. [[It is no more fulfilling.->dream6]]

That changed last week. I lay in bed and wrote names in my notebook of people who never were. With the light left on, I slept and dreamt. [[Continue->door1]]

I don't know where I woke up. The space was shaped like my room, but it was hollow — kissed by a sourceless, pale blue light. [[Continue->door2]]

And before me, across the room — the white door glowed blood red. Its arms — its human hands — beckoned me to open and pass through. [[Somehow I knew the other side...->door3]]

I woke before I opened and before I opened the door. I could feel the creatures that wore faces I knew — how close I had been to them. [[I was awed. I was terrified. I was in love with the possibility.->end1]]

Tonight I write this before I lie in bed because I hope, as I have every night since, that I'll wake in that pale light again. To be changed by it entirely.