My Last Day at Camp

You hate everybody. But your mother told you to make a friend at camp. It is your last day at camp, and the bus will be arriving in just a few hours. What do you do? [[Wait to die.]] [[Try to make a friend.]] [[Not give a shit.]]

Don't be stupid, you can't do that right now. Maybe later. [[Try to make a friend.]] [[Not give a shit.]] [[Take a long nap.]]

Everybody hates you. I lied earlier. You suck. You cannot make a friend. You must do something else. [[Not give a shit.]] [[Take a long nap.]] [[Write a book.]]

You don't give a shit about anything or the consequences. [[Take a long nap.]] [[Punch a counselor.]]

You wake up as the bus arrives. You return home and your mom murders you and dissolves your body in acid. She is never arrested due to a lack of evidence/a clear motive. [[Restart?]]

You decide to write a book, but what will you write? [[Sci-Fi story.]] [[Horror story.]] [[Take a long nap.]] [[Romance story.]]

The counselor turns out to be Shia LaBeouf, and he kicks you in the stomach, but you can do jiu-jitsu. [[Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf.]] [[Plead for life.]]

A legendary fight ensues, however this is a normal Tuesday night for Shia. [[Run away.]] [[Die.]]

Shia ignores your plea and decides to murder you. He transforms into a giant caterpillar and makes a cocoon from your flesh and his saliva. [[Restart?]]

You run away into the woods, but you spot Shia out of the corner of your eye. You keep running for your life but you get caught in a bear trap. [[Gnaw off leg.]] [[Die.]] [[Decide to write a book.]]

You are now dead. Shia LaBeouf murdered you and ate you for lunch the next day, as he had leftover John Travolta to eat. [[Restart?]]

You gnaw off your leg and head toward a cabin. But Shia follows you and tries to shank you with a shiv. [[Fight back.]] [[Die.]] [[Convert Shia Labeouf into a radical Catholic.]]

What the fuck do you think writing a book is going to do right now, asshole? [[Die.]] [[Plead for life.]]

You stab Shia LaBeouf in the kidney. He is finally dead, and you can return to your cabin. [[Return to cabin.]] [[Take a very long nap.]]

Shia becomes a radical catholic, but he first stabs you and you die. However, he does eventually become a world renowned catholic and, one day, the new pope. [[Restart?]]

Wait! He isn't dead! Shia surprise!! There's a gun to your head, and death in his eyes. [[Plead for life.]] [[Duck and smack gun out of Shia's hand.]] [[Hope for a Deus Ex Machina.]]

You nap, but you bleed out and die because you are missing a leg. [[Restart?]]

Shia takes a knife from his belt and begins to swipe at you. You dodge and parry, but he cuts your belly. [[Die.]] [[Punch Shia in the face.]]

You stun Shia! [[Take knife.]] [[Do nothing.]]

You take the knife from Shia, and he pleads for his life. [[Finish him.]] [[Do nothing.]]

You do nothing. [[Die.]]

You finish off Shia LaBeouf and seek immediate medical attention. You are given a robotic leg and return to your cabin to listen to this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0u4M6vppCI [[Take a long nap.]] [[Write a book.]] [[Tell your story to campers.]]

The campers love your story! Everybody now loves you and you have many friends. The bus arrives and it is time to [[return home.]]

Your mom is very proud of you for making so many friends. She gives you ten million dollars and a high-five. The End. [[Restart?]]

You write a terrible Sci-Fi story that everybody hates. You must write a different story, but you do not want to. [[Punch a counselor.]] [[Take a long nap.]]

You decide to write a horror story, however you don't know many scary things. [[Take a long nap.]] [[Fake your way through it.]]

You decide to fall in love with another camper named Taylor before you write your romance novel for inpiration. [[Say "I love you."]] [[Fuck Taylor.]] [[Die.]] [[Be charming.]]

Taylor thinks you are an overly forward weirdo and tells you to go away. You decide to write a book in a different genre. [[Write a horror story.]] [[Write a Sci-Fi story.]]

Taylor does not want to, and so Taylor decides to send you to a counselor for sexual harrasment. [[Not give a shit.]] [[Punch a counselor.]] Apoligze and [[Be charming.]]

You and Taylor quickly develop feelings for each other but Taylor tells you that the two of you cannot be together. You must give up on your dreams. You must write a different story. [[Write a horror story.]] [[Write a Sci-Fi story.]]

You decide to write a horror story, however you don't know many scary things. [[Take a long nap.]] [[Just fake your way through it.]]

You write a decent Sci-Fi story, but it still feels fake. You decide to write a true story about everything you have been through so far. A counselor advices against this. [[Tell your story to campers.]] [[Punch a counselor.]]

You attempt to write a horror story. You try to show it to a counselor, but they hate it. [[Punch a counselor.]] [[Write a Romance story.]]

You attempt to write a horror story. You try to show it to a counselor, but they hate it. [[Punch a counselor.]] [[Write a Sci-Fi story.]]

You decide to fall in love with another camper named Taylor before you write your romance novel for inpiration. [[Tell Taylor "I love you."]] [[Die.]] [[Just be charming.]]

Taylor thinks you are an overly forward weirdo and tells you to go away. You decide to write a book in a different genre. [[Write a Sci-Fi story.]]

The ground cracks beneath you and a portal to hell opens up! You could jump into it, or take your chances with Shia. [[Take your chances with Shia.]] [[Jump into the portal to hell.]]

Shia shoots at you, but he misses. You ram into him, however he stabs you. You are bleeding. [[Take knife out of yourself and stab Shia.]] [[Bite Shia's nose off.]]

Your leg suddenly grows back, you arrive in hell, and the entire place is, oddly enough, an underwater facility. It is like wanderig around an aquarium. Because of this, you wonder "can hell really be that bad?" Suddenly, Justin Bieber starts playing over the sound system, and although the rest of the experience is pleasant, it sours the entire thing. You must find a way out. You start to search the place and you find a door leading to a staircase labeled "Heaven." [[Ascend to the heavens.]] [[Return to Earth through the portal.]]

Shia falls to the ground dead. You pass out on the ground. When you wake up, you are in a hospital being interviewed for the TODAY Show. You tell your story and become a huge celebrity. The End. [[Restart?]]

You bit off Shia's nose! [[Swallow it.]] [[Spit it back at him.]]

The nose is gross, why the hell did you swallow it!? Shia grows angry at you for having devoured his nose and kicks you in the face. He is, however, still weakened. [[Finish him.]] [[Be merciful.]]

You spit the nose at Shia. He grows angry and confused, and so you kick him in the balls. He cries out for Mega, but nobody comes. [[Witty one-liner.]] [[Finish him.]]

Your merciful ways are rewarded, because he has his head bit off by a tyranosaurus rex. [[Tell your story to campers.]] [[Ride the T-Rex into the woods.]]

You become a T-Rex riding superhero. You end up with a complicated yet mysterious love interest, who winds up in danger at the hands of Stego, your archnemesis. You manage to defeat Stego, and your love interest becomes a superhero in secret, which you only find out much later when they are mortally wounded just before your wedding at the hands of a supervillain you are both battling. You decide to do what you can to save them. The devil offers you the chance to go back in time and simply tell your story of Shia to the campers, losing all memory of this life but saving your love. You can, however, deny this offer and hope science can save the day. [[Tell your story to campers.]] [[Put your faith in science.]]

Science saves them! The two of you get married and spend the rest of your lives together as a happy crime fighting duo, eventually forming a family and saving the world numerous times. The End. [[Restart?]]

"Looks like you got a nose for bad choices," you say as you kill him by shoving your fist through his nose hole and destroying his head. The blood covers your arm and the smell is awful, however a large scaly tyranosaurus rex named Jeff comes along and eats his remains. [[Ride the T-Rex into the woods.]] [[Tell your story to campers.]] [[Ascend to the heavens.]]

You try to ascend to the heavens but nothing really happens except you float very briefly. [[Take a shit on the bus.]] [[Tell your story to campers.]]

You take a shit on the bus and everbody loves you for it! You then [[return home.]]

You return to Earth, but the planet has been wrecked to shit by a massive hurricane the size of two Africas. What do you do? [[Drown.]] [[Enter the mysterious doorway I forgot to mention.]]

Ummm... ok. You drown. You're dead. [[Restart?]]

You enter a mysterious doorway and it brings you to a big white area. You can see nothing but white as far out as you can see. You decide to [[walk forward.]]

Walking forward, you eventually see a small black speck. You run toward it for what seems like years. Decades. Centuries. You occasionally question whether you are running toward nothing but it is slowly getting larger. You keep going. You feel tired, drained. It's a wonder how you have stayed alive this long. Finally you can make out what it is. You are running toward a human shaped object. You break into an unbelievable sprint, and suddenly, as if skipping forward, you appear just in front of it. "Hello, there." The person says. [["Who are you?"]] [["Fix everything!"]]

"I am what has always been. You, young child, are curiously persistent." [["Um, thanks?"]] [["Fix everything!"]]

"Don't be so demanding you little prick!" He holds up his hand you you explode. [[Restart?]]

"Friend, I shall give you a choice. You can fix the world and return to your home, new friendships made and with all of this behind you. Or you can be something greater. Your world will remain as it is now, but you can save countless others. What will you choose?" You can [[return home.]] Or you can [[be the savior to the multi-verse.]]

It turns out, you suck at that. You die on your very first mission. However, given that your very first mission was "destroy all evil in the multi-verse" and you died doing so, it is a pretty solid victory. You are the greatest hero to ever live. The End. [[Restart?]]

''My Last Day at Camp'' by Tanner Linares [[Begin->Restart?]] Partially adapted from "Shia Labeouf Live" by Rob Cantor.