The Coffee Bean Mafia

You are a journalist in a small town hungry for a story, but coming up with nothing week after week. You have decided to go into the darkest circles of the town to find a good story. You have decided to infiltrate the local mafia. You need to come up with an alias, so you asked some of your most creative friends, but since they were really tired, the best name that you got from them was the name Hunter Justin. You have decided that the next day, you will go to seek out the kind of trouble that has eluded you and your stories for a long time. You think that you could seek out the notorious Mr.Boss, the infamous leader of the mob, directly, or you could try to find someone lower down on the food chain first. if you want to [[seek out Mr.Boss]], turn to page... Wait, just click here.... if you want to [[seek out someone lower on the food chain]] first, click here....

You decide to seek out Mr.Boss directly, since it is the more dangerous, but more rewarding choice for your story. You have heard of him in the good newspapers before, the ones that actually get stories. You have heard that he hangs out at a famously bad internet cafe. Although everyone dismisses that theory as crazy, (the cafe doesn't even have wifi!) you figure that it is as good of a place to start as any. You go to the cafe, and there are only two other people there. There is a little old lady in the corner, and a hipster-looking barista at the counter. You decide that one of these people must be Mr.Boss, and have to go and find out. if you want to [[talk to the little old lady]], click here.... if you want to [[ talk to the hipster barista]], click here....

You want to find someone lower on the food chain since you think that going to find Mr.Boss directly will get you hurt or worse, leave you without a good story. You have heard on tv that mobsters run and go to speakeasys, so you decide that going to a coffee shop is probably the modern equivalant of that. You go to the closest thing that there is to a starbucks, and you find it completely empty. Open, but empty. You think that this might be a sign, but you can't be sure. You decide to investigate the coffee shop, so you go in and all of a sudden, a weird hipster barista pops up out of nowhwhere. if you want to [[ talk to the hipster barista that popped up out of nowhere]] click here.... if you want to [[run]] click here....

You talk to the little old lady, asking her what brings her to this internet cafe, and she tells you that she only comes here for the coffee, since she never uses the internet anyways. She tells you that her name is Brunhilda, and that she is the cool kind of old lady that always does things like swimming with sharks, and trapeeze. She seems like the kind of person that you would want to hang out with, but probably not Mr.Boss... If you want to [[ talk to the hipster barista]] click here.... If you want to [[ keep talking to the little old lady]] click here....

You think that at this point, the hipster barista is probably not Mr.Boss, but he probably knows something or other about this whole deal. You ask him why he still works here, and he tells you that he works here ironically, and you try to tell him that that really tells you nothing, but that is really the best answer that he gives you. When you ask if he knows where to find Mr.Boss, he tells you that he has never heard of Mr.Boss, you know that he is lying by the look he gives you. The one that says 'don't go looking for trouble, or you might just find it'. However, he doesn't know just how committed to this story, now more than ever. You decide that you have probably gotten all of the little information that you can from this coffee shop, and it seems that now it might be a better idea to start with something a little easier for now. if you want to [[seek out someone lower on the food chain]] click here. if you want to [[ interrogate the little old lady]] click here.

You decide to continue to talk to the little old lady. Since you think that she is too genuniely cool. You eventually ask her if she has heard the rumors that Mr.Boss and his gang hang out here, and she says that she has heard nothing of that, and asks if it is the truth, or if you are just messing with her. Either way, she seems to be done with this conversation. If you want to [[ talk to the hipster barista]] click here.... If you want to [[ cut your losses and leave]] click here....

you run out, scared for your life, and afraid that the hipsters are coming for you. To keep yourself safe, you decide to drop the whole story. You were wrong to think that this wouldn't be this scary. THE END if you want to start over at the [[beginning]] click here....

You decide to talk to the hipster barista that popped up out of nowhere, once you were done screaming about his sudden appearance. He didn't understand that he had scared you, and he looked indignantly at you as you screamed. You asked him about Mr.Boss, and he said a whole lot of nothing. You think that the hipster baristas that you have been seeing around town probably have something to do with this whole Mr.Boss thing. Since you got nothing, you figure that he is not the answer... If you want to [[push past the barista to search the coffee shop]], click here.... If you want to [[ cut your losses and leave]], click here...

You decide that this is just a waste of time, so you decide to just leave the cafe. You think that if there is somewhere else that would be a good place to run a criminal empire from, it would your local library. In your town no one ever even steps foot in there. After some searching, and a couple of google searches, you finally found tha library. You walked in, and were immediatley greeted by an over enthusiastic librarian, saying that you were the first person to visit the library in a loooong time. You figure that this means that Mr.Boss is probably not here, but you think that it might be a good idea to search the place anyways. If you want to [[ talk to the librarian]] click here.... If you want to [[ push past them and look somewhere else]] click here....

You decide that you should talk to the librarian, since it seems like she aren't going to leave you alone any time soon. You talk to her for a while, and it seems like this will last forever. You happen to notice that there are some weird pictures hanging on the back wall. It looks like a picture of the current librarian back in the olden days, back when the library just opened, back in the year 1927! if you want to [[investigate the photo]] click here. if you want to [[ push past them and look somewhere else]] click here.

You decide that talking to the librarian right now would be a waste of your time, so you push past them in order to look in the back for any illicit dealings of coffee that might be going on back there. You go, and you see a whole bunch of hipster baristas milling around. You think that you are on the right path, but you don't have any chances to find out, since the baristas apprehend you very quickly, and start to drag you away. If you want to [[ go kicking and screaming]] click here If you want to [[ try to explain this all]] click here.

you want to go over and keep talking to the little old lady, but she looks confused, and you want to leave her alone, trusting that you will see her again. You think that you have probably gotten all that you can out of this coffee shop, and you think that you should just [[ cut your losses and leave]] so just click here I guess.

You go into the back of the coffee shop, and all that you find is lots of coffee beans. Oh, and it smells delicous in there. You take one of the random cups of coffee that was just laying around. It smells like the most delicious thing that you have ever smelled. If you want to [[ drink the coffee]] click here.... If you want to [[ resist the urge]] click here....

You pick up the amazing coffee, and take a small sip, wanting to know what it tasted like. It was the best thing that you had ever tasted in all of your life. You walk back out past the barista, and he asked you what you were doing with that coffee, and you need to decide what to do, and fast... If you want to [[lie and say that it is yours]] click here... If you want to [[say that you stole it]] click here...

The hipster barista eventually comes in and sees you snooping around, and throws you out of the coffee shop. You decide to [[ cut your losses and leave]] so click here....

You lie and say that the coffee is yours, and the barista does not look happy. He says that the coffee was a new special recipe that they were trying to test out. He thinks that you would make a nice lab rat to test their new drinks on. He says that he could get you a job working for them. It seems like a bottom rung position that could prove to be lucrative, but you might want to go for something bigger. if you want to [[ take the job]] click here. if you want to [[seek out Mr.Boss]] click here.

The hipster barista is very upset at you for stealing, but he appreciates your honesty. He decides that he likes your style, so he asks you if you want to work in one of their coffee shops. It is a bottom rung position in the mafia but it is a start. You think that if you were willing to put in the effort, it could be very lucrative. You also think that it might be a waste of time... If you want to [[ take the job]] click here... If you want to [[ cut your losses and leave]] click here...

You decide that it is probably a good idea to take the job since you don't want to upset anyone. Soon you realize that you aren't working as a barista, you are actually working as a taster for Mr.Boss. This was better than you could have ever hoped for, since it gets you closer to Mr.Boss. You work at that job for a few months in order to get closer to Mr.Boss. He comes to trust you, so he wants to give you a higher postition in the gang, but you think that you might have enough to write your story, and get out safely... if you want to [[ accept the promotion]] click here... if you want to [[ write your article]] clcck here...

You decide that accepting the promotion is probably a good idea in order to not upset Mr.Boss, so you do it. You are now apparently Mr.Boss's right hand man, and you like the power. Mr.Boss likes you. He thinks that if you take initiatave, it would be really good for the gang. You like to make people happy, so you decide to take initiative. You plan a few events, and you even throw a party! Everyone keeps telling you how helpful you are, so you keep going. Eventually you have moved from planning parties to planning crime. You like it. It gives you a certain rush that is undeniably good. But you think that you might be liking this too much, so you think that now might be a good time to get out of this buisness... If you wnt to [[ write your article]] cick here, coward.... If you want to [[ go further down the rabbit hole]] cick here...

You decide that you have enough of a story already to write a good article. You try to leave your job, and tell Mr.Boss that the cops are onto you so you need to leave for the good of the gang, but he is not buying it. You eventually tell him the truth. ( you are actually a really bad liar.) he tells you that all is forgiven, if you never tell the police about this. You figure that no one ever reads the newspaper anymore, so you go ahead and write the article anyways. You are starting to regret this choice, but your editor loves the story, and is going to publish it no matter what you say. Miraculously, the whole newspaper company goes out of buisness right before your article is published! you are safe once more. THE END If you want to try again at the [[beginning]] click here.

You decide to go further down the rabbit hole, so you go to Mr.Boss, and you ask him if you can have some more responsibility in this here mob. He says sure, and you are now the head in charge of tying up loose ends. There is a big party and everything, because there are a lot more parties than you would think that there are in a mob. You have cake, and it is the most delicious red velvet cake that you have ever had. You think that you are starting to like it here, and you might not even want to write this article at all... If you really want to [[ keep digging]] click here... If you want to [[ smell the proverbial roses]] click here...

You try to go kicking and screaming, but they are having none of it. They pin you to the ground and start punching. You used all of your energy getting to this point, and have none left to use against them. You die not-quite a hero's death, but it is close enough. THE END soooooo, I guess you might want to start again at the [[beginning]].

you decide that they have to understand the logical side of all of this, so you try to explain. Long story short, it does really poorly.they take you away, and you think that you might have a chance of escaping, if you can just reach the emergency beanie in your pocket... If you want to [[ reach for your beanie]] clcick here. otherwise, [[ cue fight scene]].

You reach for your beanie, but the baristas have you surrounded, and aren't fooled as easily as you think that they might have been. So [[ cue fight scene]]

You decide that now would be a good time for a nice fight scene, so you figure that these people look really scary and strong. It is really scary, but you start fighting for your life. You soon realize that no matter how brave you are, you are really not strong. They soon overpower you, and you are very quickly apprehended. It seems like this is not the part where you go to see their boss. Its probably that part where you need to go back to the beginning of the story. You have a few choices. You can try to run, you can call for help, or try to fend them off with a book, or something. if you want to want to [[run]] click here. if you want to [[ call for help]] click here. otherwise, [[ try to fend them off with a book or something]].

You call for help, but all it does is draw more hipster baristas over to you. Now, you have no choice but to [[ try to fend them off with a book or something]], so click here.

You ask the librarian about the photo, and she says that yeah, she was there, but she was a youngster, only being 400 years old. You think that this is probably crazy talk, but you still back away slowly, just in case she really are some sort of supernatural being. Unfortunately, the librarian sees you leaving, and makes you stay, since you are so curious, and they have so many other stories to tell you. You can either listen to these stories, or you can call for help. If you want to [[ listen]] click here. If you want to [[ call for help]] click here.

You think that it would be best if you didn't draw any more hipsters over here, since there is no reason thet anyone else would be here,and you are already really tired. So you grab a nice weighty book to fend them off with. (in this case war and peace, for those of you concerned.) you come up swinging, but somehow manage to miss all of the hipster baristas that surround you. You keep fighting until you are too tired to even hold the book. You collapse onto the ground, and think about how this could have been different if you actually worked out, while the baristas overtake you. you can either [[ play dead]] or [[ go kicking and screaming]]

You think that it would be best if you played dead, since they might kill you if they think that you arent a pitiful guy, just laying on the ground. So you play dead, hoping that they'll leave you alone. You were wrong. They just keep hitting you. It hurts really really bad. You think that they are just going to keep hitting you until you die, but you hear a voice rising out of the crowd of baristas, and slowly the hitting slows. You hear the voice of what you think is one of the hipsters, but it sounds kind, and with a hint of pity in it. The unknown hipster says to the others that they should just leave you alone, since you clearly can't fend for yourself, as you are just laying there, making a sad and very useless attempt to play dead. The other baristas see the point, and they stop hitting you altogether. After a brief talk amongst the baristas, they say that they are going to let you go, on the condition that you don't come looking for them ever again. If you want to [[ accept their offer]] click here. If you want to [[ beg them to let you stay]] click here.

You think that it would be good if you listened to the probably-a-vampire's story, so you listen, and listen, and listen. Eventually she invites you to dinner, which you politely decline, since you don't want to find out if she is a vampire or not. She seems nice, but it also seems like you arent going to get a whole lot of real information from her. If you want to [[ become the vampire's best friend]] click here. If you want to [[ push past them and look somewhere else]] click here.

You decide to accept the Barista's offer, because you don't want them to beat you up any more. That really hurt. You end up dropping the article, and even giving up coffee. Eventually, in your old age, you remember all of this, and you end up writing about the experience in your memoir, "The Coffee Bean Mafia", a new york times bestseller. You are eventually taken out by the mob, in your old age. THE END If you want to try again at the [[beginning]] click here.

You beg them to let you stay, and join the mafia, not even caring that you might be getting yourself killed right here. The one that spoke earlier, (you find out that his name is Bobbert) says that he likes your moxie, and he thinks that he might be able to get you a job. This looks like the beginning of a life long friendship, however long that is. you can either [[ take the job]] or you can [[ just leave]]

You leave and never look back. You drop the article, and you give up coffee altogether. You wanted to thank the one whose name was Bobbert, for saving your life. You think that you two could have been good friends one day. Too bad. If you want to try again at the [[beginning]] click here. or, if you really want to, you can [[ become friends with bobbert]]

You want to become friends with Bobbert, so you go back to talk to him. He says that now isn't a good time, so you give him your real name. Clifford Claybourne. You always hated that name growing up, and you still do hate it. You always did want to change your name to something like Bjorn Hercule, but your mom never did approve. She said that names sent the world a message, and- well, you get the picture. He tells you tht he will find a way to send you some kind of message later, and whwn you ask him how he just says magic. He seems like the kind of guy that is going to become your best friend. [[ onward!]]

For those of you who are really concerned, Bobbert is the kind of guy that you could go out for a cup of coffee with. He is the kind of guy that has this particular brand of loyalty to his friends that you just can't find anywhere anymore. He is the guy that you know that would have you back in a jam, and has a quiet kind of class. He is the kind of guy that could not only go to ba casual event with you, but also a black tie event, but without all of the pretentiousness. If you want to go to [[see the newest marvel movie with Bobbert]], click here. otherwise, if you want to [[ go to get food]] click here. and, the offer is still on the table so you still have the chance to [[ take the job]]

You go to see the newest marvel movie with Bobbert, and it turns out to be really good. A little too good. You figure that he is really nice, but this is too perfect to be. Goodbye forever, sweet Bobbert. back to the [[beginning]], I guess. or, I guess if you want to risk the perfectness of this, you can also [[ propose]]

You decide to go to Bw3's,and as soon as you get there, Bobbert all of a sudden can't stop talking about how he is a vegan. After a few hours, you just can't stand it, so you just leave. So much for a life long friendship. THE END If you want to try it all over again, why don't you go back to the [[beginning]]

You love Bobbert, so one day, you decide to propose... I guess. Bobbert says that you had fun, but he just doesn't like you like that. All of a sudden, the movie theater seems to be staring down at you, and you run out. Remember, this was too perfect to be true. Sorry. THE END [[beginning]]

You want to become best friends with this vampire librarian, so you ask her what she does for fun. She says that she has never really had a real friend before, so she is really excited to hang out. She wants to go to one of those cool places that are just like a playground, but inside, but you think that you heard somewhere that vampires die in the sun, so you ask what time she wants to go at. She says somewhere around 1 or 2 in the afternoon,so you figure that you were wrong. If you want to [[ go hang out with the vampire]] click here. If you want to [[run]] click here.

You think that it would be really, really fun if you went to hang out with the librarian, so you do. You go to meet her at 1:30, and when you show up, she is already there, wearing a layer of sunscreen that is so thick that you think that you might have been wrong to rule out the fact that vampires die in the sun so quickly. You think that this whole Vampire thing might really be true, since when she sees you, the librarian/vampire tells you that a new juice place just opened, and they have the best tomato juice in town, and you know that tomato juice is the next best thing to blood... Sooooo you think that now is the time when you run. You start to run, when all of a sudden you see the little old lady from before, but you think that the librarian is gaining on you, so it might be best if you just kept running. If you want to [[ keep running]] click here. If you want to [[ talk to the little old lady]] click here.

You run, and run, but you soon get tired. The librarian is gaining on you. Just as you collapse on the ground, the Vampire closing in on you, this really seems like the end, but all of a sudden, a loud crack sounds, and she falls to the ground. All of a sudden, the little old lady is standing above you, brandishing a baseball bat. She couldn't have shown up at a better time. You lay on the ground for a bit, but you soon get up, standing to talk to the little old lady, who has made her way back to the bench where she was sitting in the first place. to go [[ catch up]] with the little old lady, click here.

you run over to the little old lady, and to your amazement, the vampire/librarian lady stops in her trail, almost as if she is scared of the little old lady. Soon she stalks off with a muttered excuse of needing to go reapply sunscreen. You figure that now that you are safe, this would be as good of a time as any to catch up with the little old lady. If you want to [[ catch up]] click here. face it, you just really want to [[ catch up]].

You go to talk to the little old lady because, lets face it, she's the best character in this story. You ask her what she's done recently, and she tells you that recently, she took up sword fighting. You think that's really cool, but you decide not to tell her, since you don't want her to know that she is way too cool to be your friend. you tell her about your article, and she makes sure to tell you how cool that is, and when you tell her that you have to be on your way, she tells you that if you ever need her, she has your back. But for now, you just have to [[ cut your losses and leave]].

you go back to the library, and you find a whole bunch of hipster baristas milling around. You think that you are on the right path, but you don't have any chances to find out, since the baristas apprehend you very quickly, and start to drag you away. If you want to [[ go kicking and screaming]] click here If you want to [[ try to explain this all]] click here.

You try to go kicking and screaming, but they are having none of it. They pin you to the ground and start punching. You used all of your energy getting to this point, and have none left to use against them. You die not-quite a hero's death, but close enough. THE END soooooo, I guess you might want to start again at the [[beginning]].

You decide that they have to understand the logical side of all of this, so you try to explain. Long story short, it does really poorly.they take you away, and you think that you might have a chance of escaping, if you can just reach the emergency beanie in your pocket... If you want to [[ reach for your beanie]] clcick here. otherwise, [[ cue fight scene]].

You reach for your beanie, but the baristas have you surrounded, and aren't fooled as easily as you think that they might have been. So [[ cue fight scene]]

You call for help, and lo and behold, the little old lady shows up! She helps you fight off all of the baristas, and when they have all been defeated, she told you that she thought that you might have wanted some help. But before she could finish that thought, a hipster barista who had snuck up behind her hit her over the head with a large book, effectively knocking her out, and when she hith the floor, she fell herd enough to draw blood. After one more kick to the gut, the barista ran off. You wanted to chase them, but you think that it would be a waste of time, so you called 911 first. When they got there, they had to take the little old lady to the hospital, and you decided to go with her. [[ Let's Go!]]

You go with the little old lady to the hospital, and as soon as you get there, she is rushed into surgery, which seems like a little much for a fall, but you figure that old people are easier to hurt, and that barista did hit her really hard. A stressful hour passes, and soon a doctor in a clean white coat splattered with blood comes out to tell you something. He looks sad, and you hope that that is just how he always looks, but you know deep down that it isn't. He tells you that the surgery didn't succeed. Apparently, she had a small heart attack, but that was all it took. You go home, and think about the events of the day, shaken. The rain pounds down on the window in sheets, and it just makes you feel empty, and sad. You go to sleep, not knowing wether you want to continue on your mission tomorrow. If you want to [[ go back to the library]] click here. otherwise, you can go back to the [[beginning]]

You decide that sulking is just a waste of time, and this is what the little old lady would have wanted you to do,so you decide to go back to the library. You think that if there is somewhere that would be a good place to run a criminal empire from, it would your local library. No one ever even steps foot in there anyways. You walked in, and were immediatley greeted by a new, even more over enthusiastic librarian, saying that you were the first person to visit the library in a loooong time. If you want to [[ talk to the librarian]] click here.... If you want to [[ push past them and look somewhere else]] click here....

You want to keep digging into the dirty secrets of the gang, so you work harder to get close to Mr.Boss. He is a pretty reclusive guy who always has at least two guards around him. At least always for the ten minuites a day when you actually see him. There are only two ways to get close to him, as you see it... If you want to [[ become his best friend]] click here... If you want to [[ keep working your way up the ladder, until you are a position close to Mr.Boss]] click here...

If you chose this option for the flowers, then you should probably go back, because this path has no flowers. flowers are just a distraction from work. You love this job and don't want to go messing it up by digging into your employer's dirty secrets. You keep working for them into your old age, and you eventually retire at the age of 67, and you live out the rest of your days, happy and fulfilled. THE END If you even want to go back to the [[beginning]] click here.

You want to become absolute best friends with Mr.Boss, so cue best friend montage now. Wait, never mind. You try to be Mr.Boss' best friend, but whenever you start to really connect with him, he just pushes you away. You eventually start to get close, and soon after, you are going to amusement parks together. One day, you are talking to Mr.Boss, and you notice that... his skin is starting to peel off? you mention it to him, and he looks kind of shiftily at his guards when all of a sudden, he just peels off his face, and you see that underneath it, he is really... Is that the little old lady? when she starts talking, you know that it is true, but that doesn't change your friendship, so since the two of you are best friends, you ride into the sunset together on horseback. THE END If you want to try again, even though this is the best possible ending click here to go back to the [[beginning]]

You want to keep working your way up the ladder, so you keep your head down, and work for most of the day. You only get one to two hours of sleep a day, and that is only when you pass out at your desk. You eventually work to the point that you are only a shell of the person that you once were, but you are one successfull shell. You are at the point where you are even more powerful than Mr.Boss, and at this point, you bask in that glory, and forget about that dumb article. The old you would have never abandoned what you started with this article, but that version of you is dead. at this point, you really have two options for continuing down this path. If you want to [[ smell the proverbial roses]] click here... If you just want to [[ go crazy with power]] click here...

You want to go crazy with power, I guess, and so that is what happens. You go crazy, taking the place of Mr.Boss, when he dies under mysterious circumstances. You will rule until you eventually die under mysterious circumstances too, and the cycle will start over. In other words, you live crazily ever after. THE END [[beginning]]