Pet Cats, Save the World

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<<set $firsttime to 0>><<set $secondaction to 0>><<set $fourthcat to 0>>You're so tired. [[Yeah|Intro 2]]

Remember this morning? That was ten years ago. Another shooting. Another stolen election. Another natural disaster heaped on top of the completely preventable ones we keep making for ourselves. You feel it tightening around your body like a compression suit. A deep fire in your nerves. [[Make it stop|Intro 3]]

It's night. You're walking home. Twilight air bites at your skin with every step. Ahead of you, near the street corner, an illuminated cafe sign catches your eye: [[Pet Cats, Save the World|Cafe intro]]

The scent of sisal scratching posts and catnip reaches your nose the moment you step through the cafe doors. "Welcome!" There is an attendant, all curly hair and soft, warm eyes. Their apron is decorated with pink paw prints. "Is this your first time with us?" [[I think so|Cafe intro 2]] [[No (skip intro)|Sit down]]

<<set $firsttime to 1>>You take a look around the cafe interior. Milky wood paneling, overstuffed couches, several varieties of cat trees and toys scattered about. "We're sort of a community outreach thing," the attendant explains. "All the cats here are adoptable. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink? There's no charge." [[Really?|Cafe intro 3]]

<<if $firsttime eq 0>>"Oh, I see! Thanks for visiting us again. Please, sit anywhere that you like."<<else>>"Please, sit anywhere that you like."<<endif>> You select a <<print either("squashy", "lumpy", "plush", "well-loved")>> <<print either("orange", "brown", "pink", "tan")>> <<print either("chair", "recliner", "sofa", "armchair", "loveseat", "chaise")>> and drop down in it, marveling at how immediately weightless you feel. The aches up and down your body seem to evaporate, leaving you warm and content. The attendant brings you a drink -- your favorite. You're not sure how they knew. The mug is <<print either("pink", "pastel purple", "soft teal")>> porcelain with an image of a <<print either("Scottish fold", "Maine coon", "munchkin cat", "black shorthair")>> painted on the side. [[Take a sip|Cat 1]]

Even if this is a non-profit or something, doesn't the cafe need to make money? "I know it probably seems a little strange," the attendant says, "but most of us here are just in it for the cats." They tilt their head, considering you for a moment. "Excuse me for saying, but you look exhausted." [[Well, yeah|Cafe intro 4]]

"Then don't worry. Just let us take care of you for a little while." The words are enough to fill your veins with warm syrup. You feel so very heavy, and the chairs do look pretty comfortable. "We just have one rule," the attendant continues. "Please don't bother or pick up the cats. Let them come to you." [[Okay|Sit down]]

You take a sip of your drink and settle into your seat, allowing the delicious roasted warmth to spread through you. After a moment, you feel something brushing against your ankle. You look down to find that a <<print either("long-haired", "short-haired", "rex-haired", "shaggy", "skinny", "svelt", "puffy", "fluffy", "poofy")>> <<print either("brown", "black", "gray", "white", "ginger", "mackerel", "tortoiseshell", "black and white", "brown and white", "gray and white", "white and orange", "striped", "seal point", "siamese", "smoky", "cream-colored", "spotted", "tuxedo")>> kitten of about <<print either("six months", "12 weeks", "one year")>> has wandered over and <<print either("rubbed against", "gently headbutted")>> your leg. [[Pet the cat|Action 1]]

You reach down with your free hand and gently stroke a few fingers over the kitten's back. ICE has been dismantled. [[Pet the cat again|Action 2]] <<if $firsttime eq 1>>[[...Wait what|Explanation 1]]<<endif>>

<<set $secondaction to 1>>The kitten rolls over onto their side for you, exposing their soft belly. You pet them while deftly avoiding the absolute terror zone. In that same moment, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Pet another cat|Cat 2]] <<if $firsttime eq 1>>[[NO SERIOUSLY WHAT|Explanation 1]]<<endif>>

<<set $firsttime to 0>>"Oh!" The attendant pops back up again, just as your brow starts to knit with confusion. "I see you've discovered the second part of our cafe's service." [[That didn't actually happen... did it?|Explanation 2]]

A <<print either("long-haired", "short-haired", "rex-haired", "shaggy", "skinny", "svelt", "puffy", "fluffy", "poofy")>> <<print either("brown", "black", "gray", "white", "ginger", "mackerel", "tortoiseshell", "black and white", "brown and white", "gray and white", "white and orange", "striped", "seal point", "siamese", "smoky", "cream-colored", "spotted", "tuxedo")>> cat <<print either("wanders", "slinks", "pads")>> up to you, already purring <<print either("loudly", "softly")>>. You give it a nice long stroke from head to tail. As you do, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Pet the cat some more|Action 3]]

You bring your hand in a little high and the cat starts to flinch away. You correct yourself, turning your hand palm-up and extending your fingers toward it. The cat sniffs the tips of your fingers for a moment and then buries its <<print either("warm", "wet")>> nose into your palm. Just then, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Chin scritches|Action 4]]

You gently scratch the cat's chin. It lifts its head, encouraging you to stroke the underside of its jaw. Its purring intensifies until your fingers seem to vibrate. While you do that, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Cheek rubs|Action 5]] [[Pet another cat|Cat 3]]

You offer the cat your knuckles, letting it <<print either("nuzzle", "rub", "stroke")>> its <<print either("soft", "fuzzy", "warm")>> cheek against you how it wishes. It gets into it, purring <<print either("softly", "loudly", "intermittently")>> as it pushes harder against your fingers, really getting its scent onto you. While this is happening, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Behind the ears!|Action 6]] [[Pet another cat|Cat 3]]

A <<print either("long-haired", "short-haired", "rex-haired", "shaggy", "skinny", "svelt", "puffy", "fluffy", "poofy")>> elderly cat with a <<print either("brown", "black", "gray", "white", "ginger", "mackerel", "tortoiseshell", "black and white", "brown and white", "gray and white", "white and orange", "striped", "seal point", "siamese", "smoky", "cream-colored", "spotted", "tuxedo")>> coat saunters over and immediately <<print either("chirps", "mrrs", "meeps", "rumbles", "trills", "grumbles", "mrbles")>> at you for attention. [[Yes, your highness|Action 8]]

"It did," the attendant assures you. "I couldn't explain all the science behind it, but basically, every time you pet a cat in our cafe, something in the world will change." "Why petting cats?" you ask. "Why not petting cats?" That's a pretty good point, but you're still skeptical. You put your mug down for a second to check Twitter on your phone. It's true: ICE has been dismantled. <<if $secondaction eq 1>>The other stuff too.<<endif>> [[This seems like a lot of responsibility?|Explanation 3]] [[I'm sold. Time to pet another cat.|Cat 2]]

"Is it making you uncomfortable? We have non-world-changing cats you can pet instead." [[I'd appreciate that, thanks|Alternate route]] [[No, it's OK|Cat 2]]

The attendant disappears into the back room and reappears holding the biggest long-haired ragdoll cat you've ever seen. "This is one of our safe cats," the attendant explains, setting it down on the floor near your feet. "You can pet this one all you want and the world won't change. I mean, not in the ways it usually does, when you're in this cafe." The <<print either("ginger", "ruddy brown", "black and white", "white and brown", "brown", "sandy-colored", "tortoiseshell", "orange and white")>> ragdoll cat hops up into your lap immediately and <<print either("makes a perfect catloaf", "puddles there", "settles there", "curls up")>>. Despite being at least the size of a kindergartener, the cat is almost weightless, and its fur is feather-soft to the touch. [[Pet the cat|Alternate action 1]]

You scratch your fingers along its jawline back behind the cat's ear, rubbing small circles under the bumpy cartilage at the base before trailing your fingertips over the velvety short hairs of the back of the ear. At that moment, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Stroke head|Action 7a]] [[Stroke along back|Action 7b]] [[Pet another cat|Cat 3]]

You flatten your fingers and stroke them along the cat's back. Gently at first, then more firmly when it appears they like the attention. They seem to melt a little, dozing. As your companion drifts off to sleep, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Pet another cat|Cat 3]]

You stroke a few fingers between the cat's ears over the top of its head. Its purrs rumble through your fingertips. Beneath its fur, you can tell its skin is hot. The cat's eyes gently close. In that instant, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Stroke back|Action 7b]] [[Pet another cat|Cat 3]]

It <<print either("settles", "plops", "flops", "loafs", "puddles")>> right into your lap and wastes no time getting comfortable. You try rubbing at the base of its neck. Bingo. It starts kneading contentedly. A moment later, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Back scritches|Action 9]] [[Try petting it against the grain|Bad route 1]]

You pull off an advanced cat-petting maneuver, scratching along the cat's back while stroking down it at the same time. Your fingers get down toward the base of the spine near the tail and you can feel the tension start to build as you reach that tender spot. Meanwhile, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. The cat's tail curls back. Better ease off for now. [[Rub its nape|Action 10]] [[Keep stroking it lightly|Action 10b]]

+2 Renegade You stroke the cat's fur from tail to head, upsetting both the natural order of the universe and your feline companion's carefully maintained top coat. It lifts its head and <<print either("chirps", "warbles", "trills", "rrrs", "mrrrs", "mrrbles", "whines", "meeps")>> at you to stop. Just then, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is named president for life", "Congress completely defunds NASA", "Elon Musk badly mangles another meme", "J.K. Rowling retcons something in Harry Potter again", "William Shatner endorses Flat Earth Theory", "the squatter in the White House starts a trade war with Japan by banning anime", "your favorite actor named Chris eats contaminated lettuce")>>. [[What??|Bad route rescue]] [[Hurriedly smooth the cat's coat back how it was|Bad route neutral]] [[Rub its stomach, go on, do it|Bad route 2]]

"Um!" The attendant pops back in, seemingly out of nowhere. "Just a reminder, please handle the cats gently. If they don't like to be pet a certain way, we ask that you respect that." [[Sorry|Bad route rescue 2]] [[But... fur belly... must touch...|Bad route 2]]

The cat <<print either("mrrls", "mrrs", "mrrbles", "grumbles", "sighs", "huffs", "chirps")>> and lays its head back down, crisis seemingly averted for now. [[Tentatively rub the back of its neck|Action 10b]] [[...Rub its stomach|Bad route 2]]

+10 Renegade Even as you sink your fingers into the forbidden belly fur, you sense the cosmos shift out of alignment. The cat in your lap complains loudly and latches its paws onto your wrist. Overhead, the cafe's sedate mood lighting turns a furious red, and a klaxon sounds. Beside you, your phone lights up with notifications that <<print either("the squatter in the White House has been named president for life", "Congress has completely defunded NASA", "Elon Musk has badly mangled another meme", "J.K. Rowling has retconned something in Harry Potter again", "William Shatner has endorsed Flat Earth Theory", "the squatter in the White House has started a trade war with Japan by banning anime", "your favorite actor named Chris has eaten contaminated lettuce")>>. "Er, excuse me!" The attendant rushes toward you, raised voice almost lost beneath the sirens. "Please stop touching that cat!" [[Sorry! I'm sorry!|Bad route last chance]] [[What's wrong with a little roughhousing?|Bad route 3]]

"It's all right!" the attendant assures you. "<<if $firsttime eq 1>>It's your first time with us, so I'm sure some of the rules must seem strange. <<endif>>Thank you for being so understanding! Would you like a refill on your drink?" You look down at your mug and find it much closer to empty than you expected. As the attendant leaves to handle your refill, you give the cat in your lap a gentle <<print either("stroke", "pet", "rub", "ear rub")>>. On cue, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>> [[Smooth palm over the cat's side|Action 10]]

Can't knock the classics. You settle into a rhythm of slow, easy strokes from the cat's shoulder down to around its hips. It <<print either("sighs", "mrrs", "mrrbles", "trills", "chirps", "meeps", "exhales", "rumbles")>> softly, kneading into your thigh in a not-yet-painful way. While that's happening, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[I'm gonna do it... I'm gonna touch the cat belly|Action 11]] [[Pet another cat|Cat 4]]

You focus attention on the cat's nape. It <<print either("melts", "liquefies", "snuggles", "settles further", "nestles")>> into your lap and starts to drool slightly. While you're doing that, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Slowly... slowly touch the belly|Action 11]] [[Pet another cat|Cat 4]]

Slowly, gently, you let your fingers sink into the warm, soft fur of the cat's underside. You feel its breathing change subtly in response, but it doesn't lift its head. Carefully, you stroke your fingers along its belly, the supple loose skin of its paunch all baby-soft and delicate, sprays of <<print either("fine", "silky", "thick")>> fur between your knuckles. Your feline companion starts to lift its head. The moment is over. You slip your hand away from its absolute terror zone and onto a more neutral patch of fur on its shoulder. At that moment, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Kinda feeling sleepy...|Good end 1]] [[Pet another cat|Cat 4]]

<<set $fourthcat to 1>>A <<print either("long-haired", "short-haired", "rex-haired", "shaggy", "skinny", "svelt", "puffy", "fluffy", "poofy")>> <<print either("brown", "black", "gray", "white", "ginger", "mackerel", "tortoiseshell", "black and white", "brown and white", "gray and white", "white and orange", "striped", "seal point", "siamese", "smoky", "cream-colored", "spotted", "tuxedo")>> cat with <<print either("a snaggletooth", "a clipped ear", "a crooked tail", "an unusually bushy tail", "folded ears", "a bobbed tail")>>, which has been observing you silently from a nearby perch, hops onto the back of your seat and sniffs behind your ear. Moving as little as possible so as not to disturb the elder cat snoozing in your lap, you reach an arm back and brush a couple fingers under the newcomer's jaw. As you do this, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Pet the cat again|Action 12]]

It's just... so comfortable here. You leave your mug on a nearby coffee table and sink further into your seat, allowing the warmth of the elderly cat in your lap <<if $fourthcat eq 1>>(and the shy one at your hip) <<endif>>to seep through the center of your body. Your eyelids feel heavy. You allow them to close for a moment, the purring of your many feline companions a soft, lulling hum in your ears. As you drift off to sleep, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Enjoy a nice, warm cat nap|Good end 2]]

You pull your hand back as if the cat's stomach had transformed into a hot skillet. It corkscrews onto its feet and springs from your lap, scarpering off somewhere to decompress and learn to trust and love again. The attendant takes a deep breath to regain some composure. Above, the warning lights and sirens finally deactivate. "Please be more respectful of the cats," the attendant says, in that firm-but-polite service industry voice that says you are treading on some thin ice. "If you're not sure how to handle them, it's best to keep your hands to yourself while you're here." [[I'll be more careful. Sorry.|Bad route last chance 2]]

+1000 Renegade "Please stop!" You dig your fingers into the loose skin of the cat's stomach and give it a few play-wiggles, like roughhousing with a dog. It responds by sinking its claws into your wrist. Around you, the building begins to shake. Your phone makes one of those heart attack-inducing wailing sounds usually reserved for Amber alerts and mudslide warnings in the next county over. [[WAIT, SHIT|Bad route end]]

+100000000000000 Renegade It's too late. The cat's fight instincts have kicked in, hooking its claws deep into your hand and kicking at you with your back feet. Even when you try to pull away, the cat responds by sinking its teeth into your wrist, its incisors going right for a prominent vein. Beneath you, the floor of the cafe rumbles and fractures, a dread infernal light filtering up through the yawning void. [[SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M TRYING TO REMOVE IT|Bad end]]

<center>BAD END [[Rewind|Sit down]] [[Credits|Credits]]</center>

<center>CREDITS</center> Written by <a href="https://twitter.com/KrisLigman">Kris Ligman</a> in Twine 2. Special thanks to <a href="https://twitter.com/Videlais">Dan Cox</a> and the <a href="https://twinery.org/cookbook/">Twine Cookbook</a>. This game owes basically everything to <a href="https://twitter.com/neongrey33">neongrey</a>'s <a href="https://neongrey.itch.io/pet-that-cat">Cat Petting Simulator</a>, which you should definitely play and support as well. <center>[[Back to start|Intro]]</center>

"It's all right, just..." The attendant takes another deep, steadying breath, clearly rattled. "Just please keep the cafe's policy in mind. I'll bring out some of the non-world-changing cats, to be on the safe side, okay?" You feel a bit ashamed, but you can't deny that you brought this one on yourself. [[Pet one of the safe cats|Alternate route]] [[Maybe I should go home|Embarrassed end]]

You mumble some polite excuse about the hour getting late and leave your seat, handing your mug back to the attendant. "It's okay," they tell you in a kind, conciliatory voice, as they see you to the door. "Cats can take some getting used to. And, well, changing the world isn't easy either, I guess. <<print either("If you come back when it's busier, you can try watching how other people do it", "Maybe you can watch some tutorial videos online", "If you come back another time, I can try to teach you, if you want")>>?" That's an idea for when you aren't dying of embarrassment, anyway. Who knew a cat petting simulator could be so difficult? <center>EMBARRASSED END [[Rewind|Sit down]] [[Credits|Credits]]</center>

<center>GOOD END [[Rewind|Sit down]] [[Credits]]</center>

You give the giant ragdoll cat a nice long stroke from head to tail. [[Pet the cat some more|Alternate action 3]]

The newcomer hops down and nestles against your side, sparing you the trouble of needing to contort your spine just to touch it. In gratitude, you give it some hearty scritches in the thick fur around its neck. Meanwhile, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Rub its chest|Action 13a]] [[Tickle its ear tuffs|Action 13b]]

You stroke the cat's chest fur, sinking your fingers into the <<print either("fluffy", "floofy")>> bib. You discover a faint vibration when you touch its breastbone and realize the cat is actually purring like the one in your lap, just so quietly you can't hear it. Just then, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Stroke its side|Action 14]]

The cat flicks its ear when you brush your fingers over the fine hairs there. That one's a miss, it seems. Still, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Stroke its side|Action 14]]

You run your palm down the cat's side. It curls up against you like <<print either("a silently vibrating cinnamon roll", "a quietly vibrating armadillo", "a furry cinnamon bun", "a weird-shaped rabbit")>>, one paw sticking out with its little toe beans in full view. At that moment, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. [[Hmm, kinda feeling drowsy...|Good end 1]] [[Softly hold its paw|Action 15]]

The cat twists against you, paw splayed against your thigh, a hint of a pink tongue blepping between its teeth. Dozing, you reach down and cup the paw loosely in your hand. You run your thumb ever-so-carefully over its knuckles, toe pads like sun-warmed jellybeans resting against your palm. In that moment, <<print either("the squatter in the White House is suddenly removed from office", "a new, highly successful HIV vaccine is deployed, cost-free, all around the world. It eradicates the disease almost overnight", "you find your student loans have suddenly been paid off", "you find your credit card debt has suddenly been paid off", "all your friends' student loans are suddenly paid off", "all of the children separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border are spontaneously reunited", "Twitter is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "Facebook is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools", "recreational marijuana is legalized nationwide and all marijuana convictions are immediately expunged", "a federal court suddenly rules that non-disparagement clauses in severance agreements are illegal", "Betsy Devos is suddenly removed as Education Secretary", "Konami suddenly re-releases P.T. on PlayStation Network", "Elon Musk suddenly resigns from Tesla", "Mitch McConnell is suddenly removed from office", "South Park is abruptly canceled", "malaria is completely exterminated worldwide", "every last billionaire agrees to surrender their personal wealth. The money goes toward ending homelessness, poverty, and hunger around the world", "Tucker Carlson suddenly loses his TV contract", "Larry Wilmore suddenly gets a new TV show", "Duncan Hunter suddenly develops an allergy to vaping fluid", "Sega suddenly agrees to localize Yakuza Ishin with Scott Strichart as localization lead", "declawing is declared illegal", "all war ends everywhere, even the space wars", "the Department of Homeland Security is suddenly abolished", "the PATRIOT Act is suddenly nullified", "the major industrialized nations (including the U.S.) abruptly come to an agreement on counteracting climate change", "every last person in the world is suddenly granted universal basic income, guaranteed food and shelter, and high-speed internet", "Ajit Pai is abruptly removed from office and net neutrality is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution", "every last person credibly accused of sexual misconduct immediately and permanently loses their career", "Sarah Palin suddenly goes away forever", "student loan debt is suddenly and completely abolished", "the for-profit medical industry is suddenly abolished. The United States converts to true universal healthcare", "K-12 standardized testing is abolished and the national education system is completely modernized", "the racist travel ban is instantly and permanently suspended", "Kavanaugh and Gorsuch are abruptly removed from the Supreme Court, replaced with Merrick Garland and Kirsten Gillibrand", "Mueller announces the findings of his investigation on live television. More than 80 people are charged, including the squatter in the White House", "every last gun in the world melts into useless slag", "cancer is eradicated worldwide", "your mom texts to let you know she's finally getting that surgery she needs", "the world collectively abandons fossil fuels", "the game industry suddenly unionizes", "the prison-industrial complex is spontaneously abandoned and transitions to progressive rehabilitation programs", "Fox News goes suddenly and permanently off-air", "tens of thousands of schools suddenly open throughout the developing world. They are fully funded, open to all genders, and provide transportation and meals provided for all students", "you hear that Eleanor and Tahani finally hook up on The Good Place", "the Voting Rights Act is suddenly reinstated with full provisions, including new amendments designed to counter voter suppression", "LGBTIQA individuals are suddenly granted full rights and protections. Also they can use whatever goddamn bathroom they please", "your favorite writer abruptly takes a break from Twitter before they say something problematic (again)", "Unity no longer crashes", "VIZ accelerates the publication schedule for Golden Kamuy", "Nintendo suddenly announces a Switch port for Tokyo Mirage Sessions", "your OTP suddenly becomes canon", "the entire Republican party just straight up gets in the sea", "all borders suddenly open, 'detainment' facilities are emptied, and all families are reunited", "every white supremacist and neo-fascist in the world spontaneously combusts", "Youtube is suddenly nationalized. It begins rolling out actually functional moderation tools and recommendation algorithms (Mariya Takeuchi's Plastic Love is still deemed the Best Song Ever)", "your favorite band suddenly announces it will be playing near you", "Acker and Blacker suddenly announce they are reviving Thrilling Adventure Hour", "your favorite actor named Chris suddenly announces he and the other Chrises are starting a band", "Capcom suddenly announces it is localizing Great Ace Attorney", "your favorite podcast suddenly namedrops you as just like, an awesome person, generally", "a beloved old friend you've lost touch with suddenly texts you", "that embarrassing health problem you've always been afraid to talk about suddenly clears up", "you find your mortgage has suddenly been paid off", "you find your medical bills have suddenly been paid off. Also there's universal healthcare now", "every internet troll in the world suddenly experiences a crisis of conscience and logs off forever", "Detective Pikachu is suddenly recast with Danny De Vito in the starring role", "that annoying internet guy you hate suddenly finds something, anything else to do with his time", "you are suddenly no longer dehydrated", "the entire world suddenly gains easy, reliable access to food and clean water", "DRM spontaneously ceases to exist, as like, a concept", "antivaxers, flat-earthers, and all other varieties of science-deniers suddenly see that one piece of evidence that convinces them they're wrong", "planned obsolescence abruptly becomes obsolete", "sex work is decriminalized worldwide", "the American justice system is completely overhauled from the ground up. Every last cop who ever shot an unarmed black person answers for their crimes in full", "Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are suddenly abolished", "hunger is suddenly wiped out worldwide", "Steve Bannon just abruptly goes away forever", "Rex Tillerson is suddenly forced to repay all the taxpayer money he squandered", "the U.S. suddenly reverses course on climate policy, treating it like the serious thing that it is", "Piers Morgan just abruptly logs off forever", "you see an email notification on your phone from your dream employer, offering you exactly the job you've always wanted at an incredibly good salary, with benefits", "the U.S. tax system is completely overhauled from the ground up", "that pain in your foot suddenly goes away", "that pain in your lower back suddenly goes away", "the U.S. collectively remembers what taxes are for and starts reinvesting in public infrastructure and services", "cis men just collectively stop legislating women's reproductive rights forever", "every so-called leftist who complains 'cis' or 'terf' is a slur is kicked off the internet forever", "all your trans friends gain access to free, readily-accessible hormone treatment and any other medical care they need", "mental healthcare is made free and easily accessible to everyone, everywhere", "the memory of that small embarrassing thing you did when you were seven suddenly vanishes forever", "the U.S. collectively remembers what unions and workers' rights are for", "that sniffle you've had for days suddenly clears up", "your body suddenly looks exactly how you wish it would", "your mayor stops offering tax cuts to billionaires and starts fixing the damn subway system", "free, accessible housing is made available to all", "that person you respect most emails you saying they liked the thing you wrote", "colds and flu just straight-up cease to exist", "capitalism just straight-up ceases to exist", "you are transformed into Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. After spending his vast fortune, you spontaneously pop back into your real body and continue playing this simulator as before")>>. The cat cracks open one eye and regards you for a moment, then slips off back to sleep. [[Great idea|Good end 1]]

You gently scratch the cat's chin. It lifts its head, encouraging you to stroke the underside of its jaw. Its purring intensifies until your fingers seem to vibrate. [[Cheek rubs|Alternate action 5]] [[Pet another cat|Alternate cat 3]]

A <<print either("long-haired", "short-haired", "rex-haired", "shaggy", "skinny", "svelt", "puffy", "fluffy", "poofy")>> cat with a <<print either("brown", "black", "gray", "white", "ginger", "mackerel", "tortoiseshell", "black and white", "brown and white", "gray and white", "white and orange", "striped", "seal point", "siamese", "smoky", "cream-colored", "spotted", "tuxedo")>> coat saunters over and immediately <<print either("chirps", "mrrs", "meeps", "rumbles", "trills", "grumbles", "mrbles")>> at you for attention. The attendant assures you this is another one of the 'safe' cats. [[I'm gonna pet|Alternate action 8]]

You scratch your fingers along its jawline back behind the cat's ear, rubbing small circles under the bumpy cartilage at the base before trailing your fingertips over the velvety short hairs of the back of the ear. [[Stroke head|Alternate action 7a]] [[Stroke along back|Alternate action 7b]] [[Pet another cat|Alternate cat 3]]

You stroke a few fingers between the cat's ears over the top of its head. Its purrs rumble through your fingertips. Beneath its fur, you can tell its skin is hot. The cat's eyes gently close. [[Stroke back|Alternate action 7b]] [[Pet another cat|Alternate cat 3]]

You flatten your fingers and stroke them along the cat's back. Gently at first, then more firmly when it appears they like the attention. They seem to melt a little, dozing. [[Pet another cat|Alternate cat 3]]

It <<print either("settles", "plops", "flops", "loafs", "puddles")>> right into your lap and wastes no time getting comfortable. You try rubbing at the base of its neck. Bingo. It starts kneading contentedly. [[Back scritches|Alternate action 9]]

You pull off an advanced cat-petting maneuver, scratching along the cat's back while stroking down it at the same time. Your fingers get down toward the base of the spine near the tail and you can feel the tension start to build as you reach that tender spot. The cat's tail curls back. Better ease off for now. [[Rub its nape|Alternate action 10a]] [[Keep stroking it lightly|Alternate action 10b]]

You focus attention on the cat's nape. It <<print either("melts", "liquefies", "snuggles", "settles further", "nestles")>> into your lap and starts to drool slightly. [[Slowly... slowly touch the belly|Alternate action 11]] [[Pet another cat|Alternate cat 4]]

It's just... so comfortable here. You leave your mug on a nearby coffee table and sink further into your seat, allowing the warmth of the elderly cat in your lap (and the shy one at your hip) to seep through the center of your body. Your eyelids feel heavy. You allow them to close for a moment, the purring of your many feline companions a soft, lulling hum in your ears. [[Enjoy a nice, warm cat nap|Good end 2]]

The newcomer hops down and nestles against your side, sparing you the trouble of needing to contort your spine just to touch it. In gratitude, you give it some hearty scritches in the thick fur around its neck. [[Rub its chest|Alternate action 13a]] [[Tickle its ear tuffs|Alternate action 13b]]

The cat flicks its ear when you brush your fingers over the fine hairs there. That one's a miss, it seems. [[Stroke its side|Alternate action 14]]