<<set $original -= 1>><<set $preparation += 1>>You take out the book from the bag and a pen from your pocket. Taking down a few of the jokes just said, you do copy the rest of her act to almost to the letter. Just a shame the laughing had to be there, right?\n\nAfter her act, and the clapping, and the one wolf whistling at the back, the room finally empties as everyone moves back to the bar.\n\nYou follow on, listening to the chattering praise of the act coming from the couple in front. Downstairs, the crowd builds up, bigger than the one for the show. The regulars and comedy patrons begin mixing together. It's difficult [[looking for Vicky|To The Bar]] among them all.

"Lovely, well I think i've given you enough of an interrogation for now, you'd better prepare for your act anyway."\n\nThis is it. You're properly in it now. The manager's going to send you off to your dressing room, you'll dress yourself up nice and then... well you know.\n\n"Oh, before I forget" Craig says. "I never told you when you'd be playing tonight."\n\nHe picks up the notepad he's been scribbling on this whole time.\n\n<<if $competence lte 0>>"I'll be putting you in the easiest place. No offence, but you seem like you might need the help. I'll place you right after one of the professionals appearing tonight, which I believe is Derrick."<<endif>><<if $competence eq 1>>"You're after one of the greenest new acts. He's a young lad with sometimes plain jokes, no offense to him. He needs to get out there and test what works for him, but you seem good enough to not need support."<<endif>><<if $competence eq 2>>"You're after one of the greenest new acts. He's a young lad with sometimes plain jokes, no offense to him. He needs to get out there and test what works for him, but you seem good enough to not need support."<<endif>><<if $competence eq 3>><<set $original += 1>><<set $preparedness += 1>>I'm putting you in the toughest block, between two good acts. It's tough to be remembered in the midst of good comics, but I think you could really outshine them."<<endif>>\n\nYou shake Craig's hand, thanking him for the opportunity.\n\n"No problem. Now, without further ado, I'll let you get to your '[[dressing room'|First Behind The Scenes]] where you can do your last minute prep and relax beforehand."\n\nHe guides you out of his office and back to the room you passed before.\n\n"I'll see you later." he says, before leaving you in the room.

<<if $original gte 1>>Back from the pulpit, you think this strange fantasy dream will start to end, as you are eased back into some normality. But no, something strange happens. \nAt the end of the aisle, you’re greeted by smiles and clapping. Lots and lots of it. From the audience, from your fellow comics, even the bar stuff take a moment to congratulate you. Maybe it’s the lingering of sweat on your cheeks or the people surrounding you. But the coldness of the room turns, as inside you’re warming.<<else>> Back from the pulpit, you think this strange fantasy dream (or nightmare) will start to end, as you are eased back into some normality. But no, something strange happens. \nAt the end of the aisle, you’re greeted by your fellow comics and their stares. They may have been clapping before, but now it’s just rows of eyes. No smiles of any of them. The coldness of the dark room doubles.<<endif>>\n\nDerrick’s the first one to [[stomp towards you|Derrick On Stage]], making a low clap.

<<set $competence += 1>>Craig laughs, a deep boom shaking his belly. His teeth shine at you, his nose jumping.\n\n"That's the funniest answer I've been given in a while."\n\nYou smile at him. You know, I wonder if that was even meant to be a joke. Regardless, you've got him on your side and that's a good start.\n\nHe restrains himself.\n\n"Alright, well you seem to be fine with making an idiot of yourself. Which is what'll you'll need here. Let's move on."\n\nHe writes something down before asking you his [[next question|Number 2]].

<<if $mumCall eq 1>>There's a text from your Mother.\nShe says that the dodgy microphone meant some parts of your act were quieter than others, she was generally happy with your performance. Shocked by the amount of penis and vagina jokes, surely, but nonetheless she was proud to see you up there. Her and your father want to see you after the show, when you have a moment.<<endif>>\n<<if $meetFriends eq 1>>Here’s another text from one of your friends, Steph.\nShe says that her and the rest of your friends loved the performance and cheered. They'll see you at the end of the night when they can. They'll buy you any drink you want.<<endif>><<if $mumCall eq 0>><<if $meetFriends eq 0>>Checking your phone, you see no texts, only a warning that your battery is dying. How helpful.\n\nFlipping your phone back into your pocket, you continue watching the rest of the acts still to perform. There are ups and downs. Rami does some experimental, even controversial, jokes that makes the room feel on edge, almost uncomfortable. But the audience seems up for it as he gets plenty of chuckles throughout. Calli, meanwhile, hits new heights. She's probably the best new act of the night, getting the audience close to tears with her jokes. On her command, they start chanting and singing in some political song about the leader of the opposition being a twat. The whole thing brings a sense of togetherness that all the people enjoy. Something about feeling comfortable makes people more likely to laugh, like they feel safe enough to show a smile to one another.\n\nThe evening was good. It's like a free night at The Funny Bone club, and they're even throwing in free drinks for you. After all is said and done, Craig takes his final steps onto the stage.\n\n"Congratulations to all our new comics tonight, last have a last round of applause for them tonight" the audience respond, merry in the glow of Craig's smile "I'm so glad we at The Funny Bone were able to host the new generation of top-class comedians, the new orators of laughter and all that crap. Thank you all for coming and supporting us here, please take your glasses back to the bar. Be kind to our bar staff, they do serve your drinks. Thanks very much, goodnight!"\n\nThe crowds cheer for the last time. Craig comes back down the aisle. Seeing your fellow comedians leaving for the bar downstairs, you rise from your seat to [[follow them|Mingle]].\n<<else>>Having replied, saying thanks and that you can't wait to see them, you flip your phone back into your pocket and continue watching the rest of the acts still to perform. The night has its up and down. Rami does some experimental, even controversial, jokes that make the room feel on edge, almost uncomfortable. But the audience seems up for it as he gets plenty of chuckles throughout. Calli, meanwhile, hits new heights. She's probably the best new act of the night, getting the audience close to tears with her jokes. On her command, they start chanting and singing in some political song about the leader of the opposition being a twat. The whole thing brings a sense of togetherness that all the people enjoy. Something about feeling comfortable makes people more likely to laugh, like they feel safe enough to show a smile to one another.\n\nThe evening was good. It's like a free night at The Funny Bone club, and they're even throwing in free drinks for you. After all is said and done, Craig takes his final steps onto the stage. After all is said and done, Craig takes his final steps onto the stage.\n\n"Congratulations to all our new comics tonight, last have a last round of applause for them tonight" the audience respond, merry in the glow of Craig's smile "I'm so glad we at The Funny Bone were able to host the new generation of top-class comedians, the new orators of laughter and all that crap. Thank you all for coming and supporting us here, please take your glasses back to the bar. Be kind to our bar staff, they do serve your drinks. Thanks very much, goodnight!"\n\nThe crowds cheer for the last time. Craig comes back down the aisle. Seeing your fellow comedians leaving for the bar downstairs, you rise from your seat to [[follow them|Mingle]].\n<<endif>><<endif>>

<<set $mumCall = 1>>You start to realise your fears, those nagging voices in the head that appeared as your parents, are not worth your time. And that gives you stupid confidence.\n\n"You can come to the show. And you can see for yourself whether it's a waste of time or not. I'll save you and Dad some seats."\n\nYour mother is audibly silent for the first time. A moment passes where you just hear her breathing.\n\n"Thank you" she says clearly, "we'll be there."\n\nAnd the dial tone begins. \n\nYou start questioning whether that was a good idea. Both of them being there could be a problem. A problem you've made for yourself, but it's one you're going to have to live with now. Can't very well tell them they can't come now.\n\nMoving swiftly on before you overthink it, it's time to do some [[last minute preparations|Last Minutes]]

"We've heard you've signed up for a comedy gig in town?" your mother says. "Why didn't you tell us? Your Father heard it from one of your friends who works at that rough club you go to. Now you're performing there? When did you decided this? Did you quit your job to go on this 'adventure'? By God, I denied it when I heard it. And right in the middle of work! My boss stared at me, saw my face scrunching up thanks to that news."\n\nYou know this routine. Your mother will never stop in this mood. Just her calling makes you break into a fresh sweat.\n\n"Since you didn't even tell me I wonder if there's any point in us going. Obviously you don't want us there, or even think about us for one moment."\n\nThe idea of your parents sat in the front row as you perform fills your stomach with twinges and pains that become more than just irritable.\n\nYou could try to [[dissuade her|Avoiding]] by avoiding the subject and her altogether or perhaps you could [[invite your parents to your gig|Overcoming]] and face your fears.\n\nOr tell her to [[fuck off|...Really?]]? But what kind of child would do that to a parent?

He doesn't stop. The heckler starts insulting your next joke. Annoying, isn't he? <<if $original gte 1>>And then the next one, saying "Got nothing good in your act?"<<else>>And then the next one, saying "Got nothing original in your act, or is it all recycled?"<<endif>>\n\nAre you sure you want to take that from this guy? You can, if you really want, just [[continue to ignore|Rundown]] him. I won't judge you.\n\nBut wouldn't it feel better to just make a jab at him, [[take him down a notch|Bastard]] or two? Or even, just [[defend your jokes|Defence]] for what they are? Come on, I want you to grow a pair.

"Well I understand, it happens to all comics at the start. A mix of adrenaline and fear really makes you go up and down with your emotions. But I hope you know this'll be nothing like that. With acting, you can go on with your performance whether your acting is crap or not, but stand-up, mate."\n\nHe leans back in his chair and exhales, beginning to tap his pen against the leg.\n\n"If no one laughs, claps, cheers or just reacts to your act, that's fucking terrible. You're dead in the water and the hecklers are hunting you out for any weakness. You're there to shake them up, to beat at that funny bone till they die of laughter. And if they don't die, you will."\n\nCraig looks over at you. Well, he's just full of rainbows and sunshine, eh? Right now, you're not sure if you've shit yourself or if you're imagining it.\n\nHe begins to laugh.\n\n"Your face, I swear. Funniest thing i've seen. Don't worry, i'm sure you're fine. Put that aside for now, and let's get on with the [[next question|Number 2]] quick."

You approach the door and straight away it flings open at you, smacking your shoulder. You try to gain your footing again, but the slippery bar floor denies you.\n\nSo you fall hard on your arse, your head just barely missing the side of the bar. The bar's staring at you now, your first audience of the night. None of them are laughing.\n\nThe barmaid moves to check what's happened. "Ya alright there, pet?" she asks.\n\n"Sorry about that, mate." says a harsher voice. You look up to see a young man in a shirt and jeans, wearing short beard and hair. He holds out his hand, lifting you back on your feet and pats you on the back. The man goes on to ask the barmaid if everything's doing alright out here, and she says yes, apart from you. \n\nHe faces you again. "What were you doing come back there anyway, chap?"\n\n"I was going to meet the manager."\n\n"Well you bumped into him. Or he bumped into you, depending on your perspective on life." He smiles, taking comfort in his own joke. "Come on, follow me[[back to my office|Manager Meet Up]]."\n

It doesn't matter, either are fine, just pick it up and hand it to Steph!\n\n"I'm calling an ambulance!" someone says.\n\n"They'll take fucking forever." Steph's wraps the shirt around Mo's arm. "Get him in my car, I’ll drive to the hospital."\n\nHe screams, "Fuck, fuck, fucking hell!" over and over again.\n\nEveryone starts following as Steph leads him to the front door, his tears and blood mingling on the carpet.\n\n"My car can't take you all" she says.\n\nYou can't go with them, otherwise you'd have to kick everyone out of your flat. So you offer to stay behind, taking care of the people too drunk to go with Steph and Mo. Someone going with Steph says they'll text updates of what's going on. The door slams behind them and everyone is silent.\n\nChecking on everyone else, stuppored and emotional, you realise Mo must have been like them, too out of it to take of themselves. He was a light drinker at best, but he's never done something this stupid.\n\nYou clean up the specks of blood and pick up your cupboard, which is mostly intact, but many of your clothes are splattered in blood. Then your [[phone vibrates|Updates]].

<<if $wineO eq 1>><<set $tipsy += 1>>You gulp the whole pint down like it was your freshers week at University. No care in the world and ready for anything. A bitter, stale taste makes you gag. No one's noticed. Maybe?\n<<else>>You gulp the whole pint down like it was your freshers week at University. No care in the world and ready for anything. A sweet and refreshing gasp of air hits your mouth.<<endif>>\n\nFired up and fueled to the brim, get back to [[your act|Ethics]] already.

Picking up your TV remote and holding to your face, you begin your act.\n\n"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!"\n\nYou open with a little joke about what you're wearing and go from there.\n\nThe penis joke is obviously the funniest for your friends. They're easy enough to judge. A joke about your weight falls relatively flat. You make a note in your head to drop that one. Apart from that, it's going alright.\n\nWatching them, your mind begins to drift.\n\n//Would strangers really laugh as hard, or even at all? Are these funny jokes, or are they laughing to be nice?//\n\nIs this doubt again, or realism, mate? It makes you question all of this, whether tonight was even worth all this effort.\n\n<<if $liquoredUp eq 1>>Soon it doesn't matter, as [[a loud crash|WTF?]] stops you joking.<<else>>You snap out of your daze and realise you've stopped talking. Your friends are muttering between themselves, wondering if that's all of your act.\n\nApologising, you [[carry on|Carry On Joking]].<<endif>>

Your parents are right. That’s why you’re stuck with this shit job, with a boss who’ll fire you if you can’t keep up. It’s because you’ve got no ambition. So you’ll let life just go on and on. Why fix what's broken, when you're so use to it, eh?\n\nStill, the drive for change creeps up once more when I drag you to 'The Funny Bone' aw week later (I'm a persistent fairy godmother) and we see the poster again. It has red, laughing lips next to a microphone, with a title that says ‘Fulfil your funniest dreams!’.\n\nStaring at the the board, you’re stuck not knowing whether to [[sign up again|Serious Business]] or just to [[give up all together|Ultimate Surrender]] on your dreams.

- A Stand-up Comedy experience

You lock into her embrace and feel the warmth of her chest against yours. You've only met the once when you were slightly tipsy, but her friendliness still seems as genuine.\n\n"Good to see you here" you say.\n\n"You too, I thought you might've chickened out" she gently punches your shoulder and grins, "Joking, of course. That’s my job after all."\n\n"I'd save those jokes for when you're on stage, I don't want you using up all your good ones."\n\nShe cackles through her nose, the nostrils flaring.\n\n"Wow, the cat's claws are out tonight. I wouldn't want to be a heckler when you're up."\n\n"Well with that kind of endorsement, I must be fit and able for tonight."\n\n"That's why I wanted to see you. Craig mentioned you just now and I wanted to see how you've been getting on since we last spoke. Do you remember my advice for you?" she says.\n\nYou try to recall, but can you remember what she said?\n\n1) "It was about my [[mic technique|Mic No]] and using the stage."\n2) "It was about having [[fun and that fear|Funny Yes]] will make me do better work."\n3) "It was about letting yourself [[look stupid|Stupid No]] to make the audience laugh."\n4) "I [[left to go home|Homer]] before we could talk about that."

<<if $metAll eq 3>>Looking around the room, you realise almost everyone's gone. The only people left are the ones reading flash cards, reciting their lines or just shitting themselves (maybe metaphorically, maybe not).\n\nYou're not going to get anything out of them and it'd be rude to interrupt. Besides, you should be getting yourself ready now, brush down your clothes, check yourself (before you wreck yourself) in the mirror and [[wait for the real part of your night to begin|Rolling Up]].<<else>>Looking around the room, you see even less people than before. The remaining comedians going on stage tonight are still hanging about, like before. Anyone of them could have some advice for when you finally get up there.\n\n<<if $silverBear eq 0>>The closest is a rotund man with stubble and thinning metallic hair. He's necking the last of his pint before placing it next to a row of empty ones.\nDo you want to [[approach him|Silver Bear]]?<<endif>>\n\n<<if $rainbowGirl eq 0>>You see, hiding in a quiet corner, a woman with her back turned to you. You catch sight of her long hair. It's a rainbow of colour, perfectly aligned in shades from red up to purple, and you can't help but stare. She’s holding a guitar and trying to tune it in.\nDo you want to [[approach her|Rainbow Girl]]?<<endif>>\n\n<<if $asianGuy eq 0>>The last person you see (well, whose not busy) is a dark skinned guy in a light grey suit. He's thin, with wide eyes and slanted eyebrows. He's using a marker pen to write on his hand.\nDo you want to [[approach him|Asian Guy]]?<<endif>><<endif>>

Cali opens up her arms to hug you, as the guitar whacks against your stomach.\n\n"Sorry!"\n\nYou're fine, just a little winded. You suggest just shaking hands for now.\n\n"I'll try not to punch you by accident or something" she says.\n\nYou shake her hand and begin to talk away.\n\n"Break a leg out there", you wink.\n\n"As long as I don't break a guitar string. Thanks, you too!"\n\nShe waves with her curved smile. You really do hope she gets on alright, but you can't stay thinking of that. You need to worry about yourself right now and prepare. You look around the room again, for [[other acts|Behind The Scenes]] tonight.

<<set $silverBear = 1>><<set $metAll += 1>>This is when you meet Derrick, the silver haired bear from the brief meeting earlier.\n\nHe offers his hand as you approach, a smile building on his face.\n\nYou instinctively [[reach out with your own hand|Old School]] but you're getting distracted by your thoughts on rehearsing. You jerk it back [[just stand there|Old School]].

Though you try to keep going, Vicky makes sure you can't really ignore her as she bends over to have her hair dangling in your face.\n\n"Hi there, not too busy, I hope?" she says.\n\n"No, of course not." Pfft liar, "Good to see you here, Vicky."\n\n"You too, I thought you might've chickened out" she gently punches your shoulder and grins, "Joking, of course. That’s my job after all."\n\n"I'd save those jokes for when you're on stage, I don't want you using up all your good ones."\n\nShe cackles through her nose, the nostrils flaring.\n\n"Wow, the cat's claws are out tonight. I wouldn't want to be a heckler when you're up."\n\n"Well with that kind of endorsement, I must be fit and able for tonight."\n\n"That's why I wanted to see you. Craig mentioned you just now and I wanted to see how you've been getting on since we last spoke. Do you remember my advice for you?" she says.\n\nYou try to recall, but can you remember what she said?\n\n1) "It was about my [[mic technique|Mic No]] and using the stage."\n2) "It was about having [[fun and that fear|Funny Yes]] will make me do better work."\n3) "It was about letting yourself [[look stupid|Stupid No]] to make the audience laugh."\n4) "I [[left to go home|Homer]] before we could talk about that.

For once, Mo shows a bit of life, his eyes now wider. Meanwhile Steph tries to hold back a smile which turns into a twitchy grin.\n\n"What? You guys don't think I can do it?"\n\nMo pats your shoulder. "You can do whatever you like. But from everything I’ve seen, doing stand-up is tough, mate."\n\n"You're braver then I could ever be." Steph says, "I mean I could never stand in front of all those people and do that."\n\nAs much as the thought of a big crowd makes you flinch, the compliment makes you feel a bit better.\n\n"So you have an some jokes or something then?" she asks.\n\nYou nod. "That's why you're here, remember? I didn't invite everyone because I thought you two would have the balls to tell me if I’m any good or not. And where I need to improve."\n\nThey share a glance between them, realising that this is serious to you. Mo leans back in his chair whilst Steph sits on the edge of the sofa.\n\n"Ready when [[you are|Singles]]"

<<set $funnyBoned = 1>>You think the best way to know how to act is to see it. And, even better, the venue you're going to perform in. Any advantage can only help.\n\nSo back to 'The Funny Bone' you go, hoping to see this week's act with a new perspective. A more focused and probably sober perspective, at least. Looking at the signs out front you discover the act tonight is Vicky Strand, the compere and warm up act from the night when you first signed up, but now a headlining act.\n\n'The Funny Bone' has its bar on the ground floor, with the performances happening in the rooms above. A few platforms make up the short stage at the end of the room. A black backdrop is draped behind. Most of the room around is dark, but the spotlights directed to the lone microphone standing on the stage fills the room. The usual layout of comedy in a pub, let me tell you. Here's a tip, try not to wear black clothing when you perform, it makes you like a floating head.\n\nYou set yourself up tightly packed in with the audience, early enough to [[save yourself a seat|A Seat]] close to the front. You're ready for Vicky's act and for whatever it can give you.

<<set $preparedness += 2>><<set $original -= 1>>You copy down the jokes. One-liners, mainly. Stuff that'll get giggles more than laughs. A few of the big long-winded stories are just gold, though. You can't leave them behind, but you'll have to really change them up so they don't sound parroted.\n\nJust one of the DVDs gives you enough decent material to fill up a page, but you can do more. The comedians all eventually bow off stage, one after another, as you flip over new pages.\n\nFinishing the last DVD, you finally rest your aching fingers, all burning with sores. It was a rewarding sacrifice, if maybe not very original.\n\nThat's one idea down. [[Back to the list|Preparation List]].

You're Killing It!

<<if $original gte 1>>Striking forward you take a breath and hit your next joke right on their heads. And it goes great. Better than great.\n\nHeads lull backwards, knees are slapped, gasps of people trying to catch their breath and glints of light twinkling off their tears. You're killing it up here.\n\nFinally, it starts to die down, people finally breathing again and a smug massive grin appears on your face.\n\n"That was utter shit mate, can't you do anything better."\n\nA heckler. A fucking heckler. Where did that come from? Somewhere in the dark. What's his problem, right? Everyone laughed.\n\nExcept him. Maybe it wasn't that funny, maybe they knew \n\nJust try to [[ignore|Meh]] him and move on with your act. Maybe you should start [[insulting|Bastard]] the bastard. He's done the same to you, and in the middle of your first stand-up gig! A bit of payback wouldn't hurt. Or you could [[try defending yourself|Defence]], say that comedians sometimes come to the same jokes or that it was an unconscious decision.<<else>>Striking forward you take a breath and hit your next joke right on their heads. And it goes great. Better than great.\n\nHeads lull backwards, knees are slapped, gasps of people trying to catch their breath and glints of light twinkling off their tears. You're killing it up here.\n\nFinally, it starts to die down, people finally breathing again and a smug massive grin appears on your face.\n\n"Heard that before, mate. Stop stealing jokes."\n\nA heckler. A fucking heckler. Where did that come from? Somewhere in the dark. What's his problem, right? You don't steal jokes do you?\n\nHmm, well actually you did. Was it from those stand-up DVDs or did you take some of Vicky's? Damn, you don't remember.\n\nRegardless, the heckler's right. But how do you do you want to deal with it?\n\nJust try to [[ignore|Meh]] him and move on with your act. Maybe you should start [[insulting|Bastard]] the bastard. He's done the same to you, and in the middle of your first stand-up gig! A bit of payback wouldn't hurt. Or you could [[try defending yourself|Defence]], say that comedians sometimes come to the same jokes, or that they write for each other or that it was an unconscious decision. Something that'll show you know more than him.<<endif>>

Craig raises his arms, "Now we can begin, finally."\n\nShe steps through to the desk and offers her hand.\n\n<<if $metVicky eq 1>>"This is Vicky, she's one of the other acts and owner of The Funny Bone club. You may have met before."\n\nYour eyelids cut open, wide, staring. You chuckle.\n<<else>>This is Vicky, she's one of the other acts and owner of The Funny Bone club. You may have met before."<<endif>>\n\n"Yeah. You'd think saying she was the owner might have been more of a priority then her being a comedian, Craig."\n\n"You would think that, but I'm not too big on the role. Besides, i'm a comedian first, owner second."\n\nShe pours herself the scotch in the leftover glass. Was that always for her? You start getting paranoid.\n\n"I've got some questions. Why am I even here? What do you want with me? Where's my lawyer? The usaul stuff a hostage worries about."\n\nVicky laughs, "That's why, you've got potential to be funny and we both noticed that. So, we wanted [[to talk|The Talk]].

"Ah, well that's fine, but I hope you know this'll be nothing like that. With acting, you can go on with your performance whether your acing is crap or not, but stand-up, mate."\n\nHe leans back in his chair and exhales. Craig begins tapping his pen.\n\n"If no one laughs, claps, cheers or just reacts to your act, that's fucking terrible. You're dead in the water and the hecklers are hunting you out for any weakness. You're there to shake them up, to beat at that funny bone till they die of laughter. And if they don't die, you will."\n\nCraig looks over at you. Well, he's just full of rainbows and sunshine, eh? Right now, you're not sure if you've shit yourself or if you’re imagining it.\n\nHe begins to laugh.\n\n"Your face, I swear. Funniest thing I've seen. Don't worry, I’m sure you're fine. Put that aside for now, and let's get on with the [[next question|Number 2]] quick."

It might as well be everyone. Bigger is better, it appears. Bigger audience, bigger reaction, better results to what stays and goes in the act.\n\nYou include everyone you can and wait for the replies. Soon enough, the messages start flooding your phone, as new bings and vibrations call for your attention.\n\nThe first replies are all variations of 'yes', 'sure' or 'fuck yeah, bro'. A few no, something about earlier commitments or the classic 'I'm at work' line. Regardless, you've got a healthy number, just under ten of them.\n\nYou look around your flat, thinking about where to put them all.\n\nWell, that's something you can worry about [[later on tomorrow|Later Tomorrow]].

Vicky just stares at you as a grin builds on her face.\n\n"Wow. Ok then. This is immensely awkward. I don't remember that. Was I drinking that night? I was, you said you didn't buy me a drink I wanted. Damn, ok."\n\nShe's rubbing her cheek, trying to control the laughing and failing.\n\n"Alright, I’m just going to ask you since I’ve been wondering, how's everything been going? Life, love and writing your comedy act. Mainly the comedy. Actually, only the comedy."\n\n“You were wondering if I had taken your advice then about my act. You want some pride in knowing you were right. But I've kind of shot that hope down now.”\n\n“Well that’d be nice, but that's not happening. And don't make it sound like I'm needy. It's not like I need a single person, or a room full of total strangers, to adore me because I’ve done something good. Honestly, what gave you that idea?”\n\nYou play along with Vicky as she smiles cheekily at you.\n\nSo, what do you want to say about writing your stand-up act?\n\n1) “It’s been [[going great|Great Mate]], I’m prepared and ready for anything.”\n\n2) “It’s gone well, I’m [[still a bit unsure|Unsure Maccaw]] about things but, you know ‘hope it’s all right on the night’ sort of thing.”\n\n3) “[[Fine|Fine Wine]].”

“Well done, mate” he bellows with lager breath, “No matter what anyone thinks of you tonight, remember, you’ve just done some stand-up comedy.”\n\nHe’s not wrong. You’ve finally done it. I’m so proud I could cry.\n\nThe stage speakers start speaking. \n\n“Thank you everyone. Now for our next act, <<if $preparedness gte 1>>keep that clapping up,<<else>>please give an applause for<<endif>>, Derrick Stroud!”\n\nThe audience respond and Derrick walks off, eyes fixed on stage and a Santa smile. Behind him, more of your fellow comics greet you with <<if $original gte 1>>warm grins<<else>>cold eyes<<endif>>, though <<print either("[[Rami|Rami Talks]]", "[[Callista|Callista Talks]]")>> is the first to approach.

"Yeah, pet, he's here for sure. Give it a mo and I’ll just transfer you over."\n\n"Ah, that's great. Thank you."\n\n"Thank me? For what?" says a harder voice.\n\nYou pause. Do you recognise this new voice? It must be the manager, but you feel as if you've talked before. You get your bearings.\n\n"Sorry. Who's this?" you reply.\n\n"You called for me, shouldn't you know?"\n\n"Ah, you're the manager?"\n\n"Yes, of The Funny Bone. Where you called up. What can I do for you?"\n\nYou're starting to feel hot sweat down your cheek. You clear your throat and [[explain|Satty Chatty]].

The next day, and you wake up with a new zeal for life despite only sleeping for a few hours. It's the first time you've challenged yourself like this, so why not feel excited? But try not to be late for work, you've still got a regular job, you're not a full blown comedian yet.\n\nDuring your lunch hour you sit down with a notepad, all blank and fresh. You jot down what you can do for getting ideas to make jokes. It takes a few minutes to get going, and even then you're doubtful any of this will 'inspire' you. What does being inspired even mean, really?\n\nYou read back what you have.\n<ul><<if $watchDVDs eq 0>><li>[[Watch stand-up DVDs for some ideas|Stand-up DVDs]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $pubUp eq 0>><li>[[Relax a bit and have a few drinks in town|Take a Drink]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $funnyBoned eq 0>><li>[[Go to 'The Funny Bone' and watch this weeks act|Musing]]</li><<endif>></ul>\nYou crunch the numbers and realise you can do all the preparation long before the open mic night arrives. Be careful though. You’ll need to choose your next move wisely if you want the best preparation for making up your act.\n\nOtherwise, if you think you're all done, lets start to actually [[write your jokes|Finished your Prep]] down.

It's later and now you're worried.\n\nThe flat you're renting isn't massive, but is comfortable enough for just you. Not ten of you. A knock at the door. It's too late to worry.\n\nYour place is filled with everyone. You greet them all, offer them a seat... somewhere. The sofa is full, the bed too goes quick and soon there's an argument about who'll be left on the floor.\n\nWell, before your guests start getting too serious and rowdy, how do you want to get this evening moving along?\n\nLavish them with your humble [[cabinet of alcohol|Liquored Up]] or get [[straight to it|Jump In]]?

The good rhythm you had from the morning spreads itself across the rest of your morning. Jokes come through easily, a ream of constant, smart observations disguised as jokes. You even make yourself chuckle at times. \n\nHa, you smug idiot. You're enjoying yourself, aren't you?\n\nStopping for lunch you notice a message on your mobile phone. It's your boss. Unfortunately you listen to it. A tirade of attacks blares out, questions, threats, things that incite enough fear in you that you jump when the post comes through the letterbox. The message ends and you wonder if you really should work anymore.\n\nThe evening is a greater slog, you're not really in a funny mode. Your jokes get a lot darker, exploring controversial topics. They're definitely your experimental jokes yet.\n\nSoon enough, [[it is done|First First Draft]].

He pats your back, knocking you forward a little.\n\n"No problem, mate. We on the circuit must stick together like family. \n\nYou offer your hand and Derrick squeezes it, whilst his stained teeth look at you. You shake quickly, and wriggle your hand back from his grip so you can get away.\n\nThat was an interesting meeting. It's hard to say whether Derrick's advice is any good. Remember, he's been on the stand up circuit for decades and he's still here. He's never done any better than this, performing where he can get a gig at any club. Why's he not on TV, or had a tour or just broken out at a festival? Maybe he's happy where he is, but you may want more than that. I know I would.\n\nAnyway, it's time to look back around the room for any [[other acts|Behind The Scenes]].

A nerve-calming alcoholic drink? If only there was one for you. Sipping at your drink, watching her, your synapses swirling together, the paranoia coming, reaching, taking over.\n\n//What if she hates me, or shouts? Who would want to talk to me in this state with this breath? God, what to do...//\n\nOne drink becomes two, two becomes three and then numbers become an issue. You realise the night's grown darker when the street lights blink on. Vicky's already gone by this point. The bar's sparse of other drinkers.\n\nThe morning hangover isn't that bad, but your mood has plummeted, thinking how much of an idiot you were for not approaching Vicky.\n\nAt least you remember her act. Mostly. You take some notes down, things that made you, anything that could help.\n\nFinishing up, you have breakfast and rush off to work, no time to clean yourself up. It's be best to move on to the next thing on [[your list|Preparation List]].

<<set $theAct += 1>>The audience are terribly fickle bunch, even turning against their own when they want to. They laugh and chortle out, revelling in the insult you lashed on her. The woman herself was trying to look mad, but even her hand couldn't cover up a ruby smile.\n\n"I'm regretting that one already."\n\nYou laugh into the mic, as a few whoops come from the other side of the room.\n\n"I'm sorry, madam, you are really are looking good tonight."\n\nThey chuckle in unison. You know you're really lucky to have them react like that, they could've easily turned on you. Interacting with the audience is a gamble. Only the best or most desperate comics do it. Which one are you?\n\nCome on, you have an audience [[waiting on you|Drink Dilemma]].

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The bar has the general patrons in it, you know, the ones who weren't here to see you perform (bastards is what I call them).\n\nNot long after you've entered and ordered yourself something at the bar, you can hear a murmur of voices getting close. The audience you were just performing to come streaming in. It’s weird seeing them like this, mingling about as if nothing before happened, as if it almost never happened.\n\nBut you get the odd reminder it wasn't, a pat on the back and a "you were great up there" keeps it real. You stay by the bar mostly, surveying the room.\n\n<<if $mumCall eq 1>>You see your mother in the distance, adjusting your father's collar. He's nodding, probably not listening as usual, whilst she gives him an earful. As if they know you're there, your father waves towards you, wearing a fake grin.\n\nThey [[trot over|Parental Guidance]] next to you at the bar. Your mother goes in for the hug.<<endif>><<if $mumCall eq 0>><<if $meetFriends eq 1>>You see Mo waving his arms about and then Steph laughing. All your friends are gathered around a table, some stting, most hunching over to talk. As if they know you're there, Mo cheers at you and the rest of them follow.\n\nYou [[stroll over|Friendly Guidance]] to the table and greet them all with hugs.\n<<endif>><<endif>><<if $mumCall eq 0>><<if $meetFriends eq 0>>Derrick must have left since you don't see him anywhere near the bar. And you've never seen him without a drink.\n\nCalli's being chatted up by some guys in the corner. You consider going over to see if she's alright, but she actually seems interested in one of them.\n\nMeanwhile, you can see Rami in the doorway. A woman passes him a baby. He kisses it multiple times and rubs his cheek against it. Midnight and things start winding down as people leave more and more. The once constant murmur of voices turns into quiet whispers. You recognise less people than before.\n\nCraig comes up to the bar next to you and orders something.\n\n"Hey," he says, "I’ve been meaning to talk to you all night. How you feeling?"\n\n1) "[[Good|Follow Craig]]. Everyone's been nice, haven't had many complaints. Yet."\n\n2) "Pretty much [[like my performance|Follow Craig]], if you know what I mean."<<endif>><<endif>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence = 0>>\n<<set $preparedness = 0>>\n<<set $original = 1>>\n<<set $watchDVDs = 0>>\n<<set $pubUp = 0>>\n<<set $funnyBoned = 0>>\n<<set $drownedBook = 0>>\n<<set $originalYes = 0>>\n<<set $callManager = 0>>\n<<set $meetFriends = 0>>\n<<set $talkingMirror = 0>>\n<<set $liquoredUp = 0>>\n<<set $managerNumber = 0>>\n<<set $knockedOver = 0>>\n<<set $moFood = 0>>\n<<set $stephDrink = 0>>\n<<set $double = 0>>\n<<set $metVicky = 0>>\n<<set $competence = 0>>\n<<set $mumCall = 0>>\n<<set $silverBear = 0>>\n<<set $rainbowGirl = 0>>\n<<set $asianGuy = 0>>\n<<set $metAll = 0>>\n<<set $craigTalk = 0>>\n<<set $theAct = 0>>\n<<set $wineO = 0>>\n<<set $confrontHeckler = 0>>\n<<set $tipsy = 0>>\n<<set $comicFriendship = 0>>\n<<set $speakRami = 0>>\n<<set $speakCalli = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<center><h1>__You’re Killing It!__</h1>''A Stand-up Comedy Experience\nBy Ross Kennedy''\n\n[[ [BEGIN] |A Not So Long Time Ago, In A Flat In Hammersmith]]</center>\n\n''__Credits__''\n<li>Writer & (bad joke) Creator - Ross Kennedy - @KamSage</li><li>Editor - Graham Robertson - @onehandhighfive</li><li>Tester - Sam Rose - @MightySqueeth</li><li>To the Twine creators, builders and community, for this great bit of software.</li><li>And to you for playing it!</li>\n\nThis is my first Twine created game and my first time working on a game in general. \nTell your friends about 'You're Killing It!' if you liked it or think they might. Cheers!\n\nVersion 1.0.0\n\n''__Disclaimer__''\nThis work MAY be shared and distributed for non-profit means, as long as the work is credited approriately and permission is asked of the copyright holder.\n\nCopyright © 2014 Ross Kennedy. All Rights Reserved.

<<set $preparedness += 2>>"Well that should help you plenty. Oh, always start by addressing something about yourself. Open with some comment about your weight or your hair, accent. When I started, I always pointed out that I was Nigerian-born but raised in London, which I why I don't have an accent, but then start talking about African politics and so on. Once they know you more, you can't really keep repeating that. But for now, yeah, address something like that, otherwise the audience will be more focused on that than laughing at your jokes."\n\nYou feel now that you should've have bullet-pointed this conversation in your notepad, but that's too late, you'll have to do that straight afterwards.\n\n"Thanks Craig, that'll help a lot."\n\n"No worries. That's more than I’d usually give to a new act, so you'd better be excellent on the night. You obviously care about this. Come find me before the show and I can see how good you're going to be. Don't worry, it's not like you'll be graded or anything. It'll be fine. I've got to go anyway, so good talking to you."\n\n"You too."\n\nThe line goes dead. You stare down at your phone and smile. You're just a bit happier have a 'friend on the inside', the weight of performing feels a bit lighter. Something about knowing a bit more just seems to help.\n\nWhen you're ready, let's get back to [[preparing more|First Draft]] for your gig.\n

"You know what, Mum? Just fuck off. I don't need you judging me anymore then you already do. I've got so much stress on my hands having to do this, trying to succeed and make something of my fucking life. I've been dealing with work and trying to get this routine together so I can stand up and people will love me. Unlike you ever have. So please, don't fucking ask or call and leave me alone."\n\nWith that you hang up your phone.\n\nNow, you could squeeze in some [[last minute preparation|Last Minutes]]. Though, after being such a shit to your mother, do you deserve to continue, you heartless monster? There's always [[time to cancel|Really?]], always time to give up and forget the horrible things you've done

Craig's on stage as Derrick waddles down the aisle.\n\n"James Chicago, ladies and gentleman. One more cheer for him."\n\nThe follow on with loud claps and whoops.\n\n"Next up, we have another promising act for you. Another virgin of our stage, but not a virgin of the club. Welcome on them on stage with a big clap, ladies and gentleman."\n\nNoise erupts, but your ears close up. You can only hear that heartbeat. Fast, almost erratic, but there at least. Still alive.\n\nYou hear your name, as Craig's arm raises to point you out.\n\nBoth your feet carry you forward, [[walking|Up The Aisle]] up to the stage.

Tomorrow night comes along, and you're as ready as you can be. It's time for your first performance in front of a live audience. You crazy bastard.\n\nYou get yourself ready, putting on some clothes you're thinking of wearing on the night. You feel like a model, or maybe a superhero, sort of, who’s preparing clothes for when they're out their strutting their stuff.\n\nIt's almost time for them to be arriving, and you haven't had any dinner yet.\n\nThere might not be enough time, but you could try to make a big bowl of spaghetti. A [[good meal|Spag Bowl]] could ease you, or do the opposite and make you want to vomit mid-performance.\n\nOtherwise, you could spend more time just try and [[stay calm|Cool Cucumber]], read through your lines once more and maybe make the performance better.

"I'll take any fizzy dirnk you have, please."\n\nHe nods, leaving to fill a glass and then placing it infront of you.\n\n"Cheers."\n\nSipping at it, you feel the dryness in your mouth drowned out. You don't finish the whole thing, as much as you want some more. You're keeping it for when you need it. A tap on your shoulder wakes you up.\n\n"You ready?" a voice says, "You're on next."\n\nOh god, quick, get to the doorway. Were you not paying attention? Move to the doorway now.\n\n"Thank you" you say before moving.\n\nRight, whoever this is on stage at the moment, they're not doing too well. Actually, it's fairly shit. They've dropped the ball, it's your chance to pick up where they left off.\n\n[[Ready|On The Edge]]?\n

<<set $preparedness += 1>>Here we go again, another ride on the roller coaster of mirror performance. Obviously you haven't learnt your lesson.\n\nYou alter a few things this time, after realising just how crucial it is to get you're timing down. Five minutes is all you have, give or take a minute. The bracket you'll have to perform seems too shortnow when at first it seemed massive. You also can see how different your perfomance is each time you perform it. It's not the same, it depends on a lot of things. Your confidence, on your memory, on how comfortable you are. You missed a joke out last time, and you can't let that happen again. \n\nYou're remembering all of this, correct? \n\nOh well, at least you've done some proper rehersal sessions now, and that's helped you along. You feel comfortable with the act oyu've put together.\n\nNow, without further ado, I think it's time you moved onto the next thing to [[prepare|First Draft]] for.

Both Mo and Steph look at each other. They talk a little, and agree Mo should go first. This is strangely surgical for a 'night of laughs' and isn't making you any calmer.\n\nMo sits there, scratching his chin.\n\n"That was good, mate. I enjoyed it."\n\nYou thank him but say, "You weren't laughing much."\n\n"It had problems and I was thinking about giving feedback more than laughing sometimes. You want our help after all."\n\n"Fair enough, man. I'll take anything you can give."\n\nScratching his chin again, Mo sighs.\n\n"Well, that one joke, about how scary your parents are to you, when you're imitating their voice. I'm guessing you'll be using a microphone on stage?"\n\nYou'd not really thought about that part of the gig yet, you've been too focused on saying something, let alone if there would be something to speak into. But you nod.\n\n"Definitely then, hold it really close to your lips and groan menacingly into it or put on a deeper voice or something. The effect will be much funnier when you imitate them."\n\n"That's actually a great idea."\n\n"You do know how to flatter." \n\nHe smiles and you smile back, but begin to wonder what else there might be ahead and what [[Steph might say|Encouragment]].

The line at the bar's short. I come back with a short Coke.\n\n"That Vicky was alright, wasn't she?" I say. You just nod, staring past me.\n\n"She had this great energy, hey? Really knew how to hold the audience." You nod again.\n\n"And I couldn't believe she started her Miley Cyrus tribute act by actually coming in, fully naked, on a wrecking ball whereby she killed half the audience, right?"\n\nAgain, you just nod. I finally follow your gaze to find out what's so damn interesting. Plastered on the wall are posters advertising an open mic night here, at the 'The Funny Bone'.\n\nI can tell what you're thinking, but your eyes hang heavy and away from the posters.\n\nYou've given up already? I hope not, I didn't write this whole story for you to piss off a minute or so in. I'll have to do something about you. I slip away, returning soon after with a tray of drinks.\n\n"Come on, I've paid for them already, mate. Have a few, enjoy yourself." You're too polite to say no as I keep throttling new glasses in front of your face.\n\nThe second half just starts. A big older guy, with a bouncing belly, stands on stage shouting his jokes at us. With our swaying heads and stupid grins, we laugh harder than in the first half.\n\nThe gig winds down. Your mind's hazy, throat sore, a good night all in all. I drop a hint about the posters again. With a bit of persuading from me and plenty of vodka later, I dare you to [[sign yourself up|Sign Up]] for the open mic night. \n\nAnd you do.

<<if $tipsy eq 1>>"Cheers... ladies and gents for tonight. You're lovely people. Have a good evening, goodbye."\nYou place the mic in the holster of the stand and begin stumbling off stage.<<else>>"Cheers, ladies and gents for tonight. You've been a wonderful audience. Have a good evening, goodbye."\nYou place the mic in the holster of the stand, take your glass and walk off stage.<<endif>>\n<<if $theAct gte 4>>Craig begins walking up to you, grabbing your hand and patting your back. His wide grin coming closer to your face before it whispers.\n\n"Nicely done, my friend. I'll see you later."\n\nHe lets go of your hand, patting you for the last time before stepping on stage.\n\nClapping echoes around you, even a few wolf whistles split the through the air from the drunk lads in the corner. Cheeky blighters. You [[walk down the aisle|Real Life]], with both shoulders higher and your back straighter.<<endif>>\n<<if $theAct eq 3>>Craig begins walking up to you, grabbing your hand and patting your back. His wide grin coming closer to your face before it whispers.\n\n"Nicely done, my friend. I'll see you later."\n\nHe lets go of your hand, patting you for the last time before stepping on stage.\n\nThe audience are kind with their claps, which stay true and constant as you leave. The drunk lads in the corner clap high and whoop for you. You [[walk down the aisle|Real Life]], keeping your gaze straight.<<endif>><<if $theAct eq 2>>Craig begins walking up to you, grabbing your hand and patting your shoulder. His grin coming closer to your face before it whispers.\n\n"Well done, my friend. I'll see you later."\n\nHe lets go of your hand before stepping on stage.\n\nThe audience are kind with their claps, which stay true and constant as you leave. The drunk lads in the corner clap high and whoop for you. You [[walk down the aisle|Real Life]], keeping your gaze straight.<<endif>><<if $theAct eq 1>>Craig walks up to you, grabbing your hand and patting your shoulder. His face coming closer to you before whispering.\n\n"Well done. I'll see you later."\n\nHe lets go of your hand before stepping on stage.\n\nThe audience are kind with their claps, which stay true and constant as you leave. The drunk lads grunt out something low. You [[walk down the aisle|Real Life]], keeping your gaze keeping to the ground.<<endif>><<if $theAct lte 0>>Craig begins walking up to you, grabbing your hand and patting your shoulder. His face coming closer to you before whispering.\n\n"It's alright, well done. I'll see you later."\n\nHe lets go of your hand before stepping on stage.\n\nThe clapping is minimal, though that's being kind, since the only people really clapping are your fellow comics at back. You [[walk down the aisle|Real Life]], keeping your gaze keeping to the ground.<<endif>>

"So, have you ever done anything like this before on stage?"\n\nYou respond:\n<<if $answeredOne is "yes">>1) "I [[use to|Follow Up 2]] do some local theatre work."<<else>>1) "I've [[never been|Follow Up 1]] on the stage really, apart from drama at school."<<endif>>\n2) "Yes, a [[few times|Not Bad]] actually, but only serious tragic plays."\n<<if $found_confidence is "yes">>3) "[[Yes|Brave Stage]]. I've worked as a presenter for some social functions at University and played Shakepear's Bottom once for a regional acting troupe."<<else>>3) "Nothing like this, no. I've always been [[afraid of being on stage|Afraid Stage]]."<<endif>>

Well, it's time to leave.\n\nYou put on the clothes that you set aside weeks. You've gone for something like smart-casual, something that shows you mean business but that you know how to laugh at yourself. Not that you'll be wearing clown shoes or anything drastic.\n\nNext, you pick up your bus card, topped up with enough money to get there and back twice, just in case.\n\nYour keys are next, your mobile phone and of course, your notepad. You've done all you can to remember your routine from the notepad, but you bring it as a sort of lucky charm, just in case.\n\nWithout more delay, you lock your flat, walk to the closest bus stop and [[make your way to The Funny Bone|Funny Bone]] club.

<<set $pubUp = 1>>All work and no play makes you a dull comedian. It can hinder those lovely creative juices in the brain. You need to relax more. The best way to do that can be to get out of the house and have some fun with other people. And short of a liberal 'massage parlour', a bit of social drinking could be just the thing for you.\n\nWalking into your local bar, with its sticky floor and warm atmosphere, you order your first drink. Waiting for it to be made, you search around the bar, spotting new faces and ones you recognise. \n\nThat's when you catch sight of me, grinning at you. I come over and force a hug.\n\n"Said I'd be around, didn't I?" \n\nAlright, let's get this party started! Tequila, whiskey, vodka shots! I order up, but you remember that last time I did that, you ended up volunteering to get up on stage and tell jokes. You demand to order your own drink. I feel you're still a tad touchy I tricked you, but oh well. \n\nThe rest of our evening is lost talking. It's not all about comedy, but it turns that way eventually. \n\n"Your best jokes will be ones you really work at, but even then they won't be performed well unless you're having fun. Half work, half play." \n\nYou nod, agreeing. "I've got to get that one down" you say, taking out [[your notebook|Live A Little]] and writing something down.\n\nCatching me shaking my head at you bring out that damn thing, you shrug. "Just in case inspiration ever hits" you tell me, "like now."

Looking at the price of it, you'd better bloody get something out of this expensive conversation Vicky's ransoming up.\n\nYou order her the drink. The barman asks if you want anything else. \n\nThe prices in this place are crazy enough that a soft drink and a glass of sparkling wine are the same. You're paying for location, not the quality. This economy is terrible at the moment. Most blame immigration, I just blame people.\n\nYou could handle a [[glass of wine|Wine Oh]], you deserve it for having to walk home through that damned estate. But you wonder if a [[softer drink|Fizzy]] would be just as good, whilst still keeping focused..

He stops writing to look up at you.\n\n"Ah... Well, that's fine, but I hope you know this'll be nothing like that. With acting, you can go on with your performance whether your acting is crap or not, but stand-up, mate."\n\nHe leans back in his chair and exhales, beginning to tap his pen against the leg.\n\n"If no one laughs, claps, cheers or just reacts to your act, that's fucking terrible. You're dead in the water and the hecklers are hunting you out for any weakness. You're there to shake them up, to beat at that funny bone till they die of laughter. And if they don't die, you will."\n\nCraig looks over at you. Well, he's just full of rainbows and sunshine, eh? Right now, you're not sure if you've shit yourself or you're imagining it.\n\nHe begins to laugh.\n\n"Your face, I swear. Funniest thing i've seen. Don't worry, I'm sure you're fine. Put that aside for now, and let's get on with the [[next question|Number 2]] quick."

One won't hurt is the idiotic thinking behind this. Is this your first time drinking in this game? Have you not taken the warnings?\n\nYou order something from the barman, you didn't care what, you just pointed at one of the bunch of different coloured liquids and thumbed up a specific drink the barman pointed out.\n\nYou sit on the barstool and sip away at the drink. It's green and bitter with a fruity smell, whatever it was i\n\nThe staff door swings open. You look up to see [[a young bald man|Manager Meet Up]] in a blue shirt and jeans. His large teeth are amplified by his short beard.\n\n"Hi Janice" said the manager to the barmaid.

<<set $metVicky = 1>>You decide to approach her. Grasp the moment. Leaning against the bar, you smile.\n\n"You were good up there."\n\nShe looks at you and grins.\n\n"Cheers! Nice of you to say."\n\n"Yeah, have you been doing this long?"\n\n"About half a year now, I did an open mic night here and they liked it so much I got called back."\n\nYour eyes and grin widen. This is perfect.\n\n"Really? See I’m gonna be on the next one myself."\n\n"Oh, really? It's a great little venue here, perfect for beginners, it really helped me. I'm that night too. Good luck."\n\nShe clangs her glass against yours and smiles, looking away as if searching for someone else.\n\n"Thanks" you say, but she takes little notice. I don't think she's listening to you, mate. You're going to have to be bit more direct if you want her to listen to you.\n\n<<if $confidence eq 1>>"I actually wanted to ask a few things, if you wouldn't mind? About doing stand-up. If you have the time."\n\nShe holds her gaze into yours and sips the last of her drink before slamming it on the bar.\n\n"Well you're just in luck. If you buy me a glass of wine, sure. I can talk for a bit, if I’m not too wasted."\n\nYou chuckle as she points out what she wants. You take out your wallet and count the notes. There are none. Alright, you count the coins.\n\nHmm... you have enough to [[buy drinks|Talk With Vicky]] for Vicky and yourself, but not enough to take the bus home. That's a five mile walk. At some time past midnight. On a rough estate. If you don't know, that's called 'a risky stroll' from where I’m from, one you wouldn't want to take by yourself.\nYou could politely decline and [[go home|Head Home]] safe and secure, but without any real benefit from tonight.<<else>>But your nerve doesn't hold. You think of your parents and how stupid you are for approaching someone for help like this. You've got some real issues with them, eh? Sorry mate, wish I could help you, really. These fears are something you could've dealt with earlier but now, sweating over Vicky, is not the right time.\n\nMake your excuses and [[go home|Head Home]], mate.<<endif>>

<<set $theAct -= 1>>His brow arches down as he crosses both arms together.\n\nThe few drunk lads from before are pissing themselves with laughter. But apart from a few grunts, the room is silent. Even the other comics at the back are only slightly tittering to themselves.\n\n"I'm regretting that one already."\n\nYou laugh it off.\n\n"Sorry guy, really, the make-ups looking great. Oh, is that the time? I'd better get moving on with my act."\n\nJust move on. [[Quickly|Drink Dilemma]] now.

Craig grins.\n\n"Nope, not at all really. This was just to gauge how confident you were in all of this. Confidence in this job means more than your jokes sometimes."\n\nHe leans over his desk, resting his elbows on the desk\n\n"I mean, my comedy heroes don't always have good or funny jokes, sometimes they just say it in the most funny fucking way that you laugh at it. Because they want to make you laugh so badly it happens."\n\nYou nod. Confidence is definitely something you've been trying to work at, hopefully it'll be alright on the night. Tonight, I mean.\n\nCraig sits back in his chair and begins to [[speak|Checked Out]].

<<set $preparedness -= 2>>Having trusted the strangers with your notebook, you go off to the toilet cubicle and finish your business. Refreshing to say the least.\n\nWhen you leave the bathroom things seem quieter. Returning, you find your new friends have gone. In the middle of a pint glass floats your notebook. Desperately clawing it out as quickly as you can, it's already soaked through.\n\nOpening it, the notes you’ve made are blotched stains, leaking through the whole book, blurred words, the ideas you've written down all this time, slipping away. You're pissed.\n\nYou were not able to read most of it, must have been in that glass for a while since the pages were starting to fall out even. Little was left, but what you had was quickly copied down into your new notebook. You're lucky you got as much as you did. This wouldn't have been a problem if you’d been sober. Can't say I’m surprised. Tut, tut.\n\nAm I rubbing it in? I feel like I am.\n\nAfter recovering all your work, you read over your [[preparation list|Preparation List]] again.

<<set $confidence = 1>>You decide that you’re going to stick to it, turning your mobile phone off before changing your mind.\n\nI'm glad, you've passed your first test. But remember, nothing's actually happened yet. \n\nYou're still slightly tipsy, sprawled on your sofa with chocolate stains around your mouth. Nothing's different. You’re still scared, still filled with dread, and doubt, and utter, complete diarrhoea inducing fear that makes you want to run to somewhere that isn't here, isn't London, maybe Canada, you've heard the people are nice and you'll just have to tolerate the weather, can't be mush worse.\n\nBut you have that something in you that makes it all alright. The time and hope that you’ll be good. Others have started with less, right? \n\nYou [[go to bed|Serious Business]] with thoughts still swirling in your head.

Are you sure you really want to do this?\n\n1) "[[Yes|You're Sure?]]"\n\n2) "...[[No|Parents Phone]]

You should be preparing for work about now, otherwise you're going to be late. Then you wonder to yourself that it may be worth taking the day off of work to get your routine all done and dusted? Your night to perform is creeping up quick and all you want to do is get this done as soon as you can.\n\nKeeping your job is still important. Comedy isn't known to be a reliable job unless you're really popular. If you [[drive to work|Safe and Secure]] and arrive on time, hopefully you can finish the day and still be up for writing.\n\nThen again, just working a little bit longer could help, even if you are [[late for work|Late for Work]]. As the saying goes 'Once inspiration hits you, keep on truckin' or something like that.\n\nYou're most productive option (from a stand-up's perspective) would be to can the whole work day altogether and completely [[focus writing your act|Day Off]]. Though I doubt your boss will be happy the next day.

<<set $foodMo = 1>>Mo arrives first. He greets you with a lazy grin before asking for his meal and heading to the kitchen. The last of the spaghetti lays on a plate. \n\nMidway through his mouthfuls of the pasta, he asks about this secret you've been talking of.\n\n"Well, it's not a secret really, but I wanted to surprise you guys. I'll tell you when everyone arrives."\n\n"How many is everyone?"\n\nAnother [[bing of your doorbell|Drink Time]].\n\n"That'll be the last of them now."

<<set $asianGuy = 1>><<set $metAll += 1>>He sees you approach and hides his marker, as if you hadn't already noticed. The man extends his hand.\n\n"Hey man. I'm the token Asian guy so this venue doesn't seem racist against Muslims."\n\nYou pause, wide eyed, before taking his hand. You feel the marker pen's wet mark smearing under your fingers. He chuckles.\n\n"Don't mind me, man. That's my opening line for when I go up later. I’m not even a Muslim. I'm actually Frank."\n\nIts ok, mate, you can breathe again. Ha, should’ve seen your face. "Really?" you ask, "The manager said it was Rami earlier."\n\n"That's my stage name. You see, most audiences expect an Asian guy to have a matching name. Apparently, they look at my face, they’re not thinking Francesco."\n\n"Ah, right, that explains it then, Frank, good to meet you."\n\nHad you ever considered a stage name? Craig never asked for one, so maybe it doesn't matter? \n\nStill, this Frank/Rami guy seems to have a lot going for him. Maybe you should [[ask about his real name|Culture Club]] or [[ask about his stage name|Culture Club]].

You step off stage, trot down the aisle and move to the door, out of the room and just bolt the rest of it.\n\nYou don't know where you're going, right now or when you left the stage. You passed them all without looking. The strangers, your friends, your potential colleagues, you've left them behind.\n\nWhere are you going?\n\nDo you really know?\n\nDo you care?\n\nBack to your life before. Living by yourself, for yourself, in a near dead end job with a hateful boss.\n\n[[This is your life|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzNRRoPus14]].

Picking up your TV remote and holding to your face, you begin your act.\n\n"Good evening, lady and gentleman!"\n\nYou open with a little joke about what you're wearing and go from there.\n\nThe penis joke is obviously the funniest for your friends. A joke about your weight falls relatively flat. You make a note in your head to drop that one later. But apart from that, it's going alright.\n\nWatching them, your mind begins to drift.\n//Would strangers really laugh as hard, or even at all? Are these really funny jokes, or are they just laughing because they want to be nice? They're friends after all.//\n\n<<if $double eq 1>>Regardless, this is a small confidence boost. There's something intimate about only the two of them being here, since you're only able to look in their direction. Mo's hazel sight and Steph's emerald gaze start to feel less threatening. As soon as you've eased into your routine, you don't notice anything else but saying your lines, getting you're timing right, and then[[it's already over|Friendly Feedback]].<<else>>Regardless, this is a small confidence boost. There's something intimate about only the two of them being here, since you're only able to look in their direction. Mo's hazel sight and Steph's emerald gaze start to feel less threatening. As soon as you've eased into your routine, you don't notice anything else but saying your lines, getting you're timing right, and then[[it's already over|Odds And Ends]].<<endif>>\n"And that's it, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for having me, good night!"

<<if $preparedness gte 4>><<set $theAct += 1>>You rattle off jokes without any real thought, the practice you’ve endured has made recalling each of your carefully crafted act easy. \n<<else>>You struggle to remember some of your jokes, swearing in your head when you know you’ve skipped one, though the audience are oblivious to the jump, you’re shouting at yourself for forgetting.<<endif>>\n\nTime moves differently up here. Like a clock, your jokes are \nTick,\nTock, \nTick,\nTock,\nTick tocking for ages.\nUntil the laughter. That’s like the alarm setting off, all that waiting paid off.\n\n<<if $preparedness gte 6>><<set $theAct += 1>>And they really are. The audience are loving it right now. Or maybe the lighting fell and you’re in a coma viewing what you want to see. Who really cares as long as they’re laughing? You're killing it!\n\nSo [[keep going|Keep Going]].<<else>>Though the waiting is even longer for you, with the odd joke missing the mark and the audience not reacting at all. It hurts to not hear. You can’t help but stumble, make the odd mistake when you’re waiting for the laugh.\n\nBut [[keep going|Keep Going]].<<endif>>

If I'm honest, I was going to Rickroll you here but that seems a bit harsh (and out of date) so [[here's the end|The Talk]].\n\n(I'm giving you no context, you should've played it properly! D:)\n\n(And no, this option is not the 'proper' way to play.)

"I’ve just got some routine questions of you, nothing really personal, I just need to know when to place you in the show tonight. You might be one of the first or last depending on how you answer."\n\nHe continues chewing as he searches for a pen on his desk. Craig notices you're still standing in the doorway before gesturing at the seat opposite him.\n\nWhen he finds his pen, Craig begins scribbling on a notebook, much like your own.\n\n"So, have you ever done anything like this before, on stage?"\n\nYou respond:\n\n1) "I've [[never been|Just Bad]] on the stage really, apart from drama at school."\n2) "I [[use to|Just Bad]] do some local theatre work."\n3) "Yes, a [[few times|Not Bad]] actually, but only serious tragic plays."\n<<if $confidence eq 1>>4) "[[Yes|Brave Stage]]. I've worked as a presenter for some social functions at University and played Shakepeare's Bottom once for a regional acting troupe."<<else>>4) "Nothing like this, no. I've always been [[afraid of being on stage|Afraid Stage]]."<<endif>>

<<if $craigTalk>><<set $theAct += 1>>You begin by doing as Craig told you on the phone. Making a joke about your appearance.\n\nIt gets an ok laugh, more of a high pitched grunt from parts of the room, really. More than it deserves, maybe. But it’s a start. You can sense somehow they're a bit more relaxed now. Somehow, by making a fool out of yourself, they seem less 'threatened' I guess? It works, and that's all you should care about at the start of your stand-up.<<else>>You open by saying hello and good evening. Classic stuff you've seen other comedians do before. Instantly, you move straight into your act and start with the first joke you can remember.\n\nIt barely receives anything. It was a good joke, not great fair enough, but it should've got a better reaction. The laugh you expected to come just didn't. Too late to worry about it.<<endif>>\n\nNow, what comes [[next|The Bulk]]?

"Just a glass of water, please."\n\nHe nods, leaving to fill a glass and then placing it in front of you.\n\n"Cheers."\n\nSipping at it, you feel the dryness in your mouth drowned out. You don't finish the whole thing, as much as you want some more. You're keeping it for when you need it. A tap on your shoulder wakes you up.\n\n"You ready?" a voice says, "You're on next."\n\nOh god, quick, get to the doorway. Were you not paying attention? Move to the doorway now.\n\n"Thank you" you say before moving.\n\nRight, whoever this is on stage at the moment, they're not doing too well. Actually, it's fairly shit. They've dropped the ball, it's your chance to pick up where they left off.\n\n[[Ready|On The Edge]]?

You spot one of the staff pouring a few drinks at a vacant end of the bar.\n\n"Hello?" you say.\n\nShe pulls her head up and spots you before pouring another drink.\n\n"Alright?" she starts, "Ya being served?"\n\n"Uh, no. I don't want a drink. I'm looking for the manager."\n\nShe smiles at you. "Ah, one of those doing the stand up, pet?"\n\n"You can tell?"\n\n"Well, ya do look a tad more nervous than the regulars. He'll be out any moment, pet. If he's not out in a sec, I’ll get him for ya."\n\nYou thank her as the barmaid leaves with her drinks. You lean at the bar, staring at the door and tapping your foot.\n\nThankfully you don't have to wait long. You look up to see a young bald man in a blue shirt and jeans. His large teeth are amplified by his short beard.\n\nYou [[approach him|Manager Meet Up]].

"Alright good, I’m glad," he says, looking away to wave at someone leaving. Craig's been busy with people all night, it's not a surprise you're being ignored.\n\n"Anyway, my friend” he gets off the stool, “Let's get to my office." \n\n"Am I in trouble?" you ask.\n\nHe laughs. "I'm not your headmaster. Come on, I won't kill you. I'd rather not have to drag your body about."\n\nWell… at least he's honest about it. You follow on, through the 'STAFF ONLY' door, down the hallway until you reach [[Craig's office|Sir Sir]].

<<if $moFood eq 1>><<set $preparedness += 1>>Mo sits there, scratching his chin.\n\n"That was good, mate. I enjoyed it."\n\nYou thank him but say, "You weren't laughing much."\n\n"It had problems and I was thinking about giving feedback more than laughing sometimes. You want our help after all."\n\n"Fair enough, man. I'll take anything you can give."\n\nScratching his chin again, Mo sighs.\n\n"Well, that one joke, about how scary your parents are to you, when you're imitating thier voice. I'm guessing you'll be using a microphone on stage?"\n\nYou'd not really thought about that part of the gig yet, you've been too focused on saying something, let alone if there would be something to speak into. But you nod.\n\n"Definitely then, hold it really close to your lips and groan menacingly into it or put on a deeper voice or something. The effect will be much funnier when you immitate them."\n\n"That's actually a great idea."\n\n"You do know how to flatter." \n\nHe smiles and you smile back, but begin to wonder what else there might be ahead and what [[Steph might say|Tits Up?]].\n<<else>>Mo's dozing a bit.\n\n"Mo?" you ask, "Have any thoughts?"\n\n"Oh, I liked it" he yawns, "yeah, good. Well done."\n\n"No criticism?\n\n"No, sorry mate, I was dozing a bit, it's been a long day and i'm hungry still."\n\n"That's fine. I'm glad you enjoyed, I guess."\n\nThat's not a great start. [[Maybe Steph|Tits Up?]] can offer something better?<<endif>>

Rami shakes his head, trying to hide his teeth.\n\n“I’ve just been doing this so long that I can’t stand it. I’ve had my material stolen by people like you. They called it ‘inspiration’ but it is total bollocks. Just a load of laziness, thinking that being more prepared means more than being yourself.”\n\nBefore you can reply, he storms off. Rami’s arms and back stiffen in place, both his fists grip together tightly. Another of the acts follows him, a woman, who reaches over his shoulders to hold him.\n\nThere’s one friend you’ve lost today. What will the others be like?\n\n<<if $speakCalli eq 1>>You go back to the comedian's corner of the room, taking a seat. Everyone around you is already speaking between themselves. Your moment in the spotlight has died down, gone, as Derrick performs on stage. It wasn't even 15 minutes of fame, more like 8. How can you accept that? You were on the biggest high you've ever been on, the control, the attention was all on you. And you've given that up to sit in the corner of a club, by yourself as everyone else is having a good time. Fuck, how are you dealing with that?\n\nLet's try and distract you for now. Check your phone, see if you've [[got any texts|Texting]].\n<<else>>A tap on your shoulder from [[Callista|Callista Talks]] wakes you from your daydream.<<endif>>

"Hey you" she says approaching with open arms, "it's good to see you after so long."\n\nDo you want to [[stand to go in for the hug|Warm Hug]], [[stand and offer a handshake instead|Cool Handshake]] or [[just imagine you didn't see her and continue rehearsing|Cold Shoulder]]?

Tink, tink.\n\nTink, tink.\n\nA noise rings. You blindly reach out to hit it. Instead, you bash your hand into the wall, reddening your knuckles.\n\nOuch. That looked painful.\n\nStrange, that's where you alarm always is. Then you realise it's not coming from beside you but behind. Lifting your head of the desk, a piece of paper is stuck to your face, obscuring your vision. The last remnants of your drool dribbles off the page as you pluck it off. Your eyes wince. Between the curtains, light invades the room.\n\nYou don't remember falling asleep or how far you got through your work. So you scrounge beneath the papers to find your 'joke book'.\n\nYou huff the hair out of your eyes, rubbing your forehead, the realisation breaks upon you. [[You've done it|First First Draft]].

Not opting to take a chance, you stop what you're doing and get ready for work. It's a damn shame, you were in the best condition you could have been to write your act.\n\nYou start your day at work typing up some e-mails for people you've never met. Taking a moment, you look across the department. There's plenty of material around here to make up 20 stand up shows. Depression, love affairs, rumours, speculation, arguments, dark secrets, all just part of the office life. You're boss takes this chance to throw down more files for you to archive, demanding they're done by lunch. Just another shit day.\n\nGoing home you're desperate to escape the place. Despite that you're glad you went in, the events of today gave you plenty of useable material to write about. Putting on a microwave meal, you use the rest of the night to write your jokes. \n\nToday's events have made your jokes a lot more topical, exploring office politics and social issues. Some would call them edgy, but they are definitely your most experimental jokes yet.\n\nSoon enough, [[it's done|First First Draft]].

<<set $callManager = 1>>Maybe the manager of The Funny Bone can help? I'm sure he doesn't want his acts to fail, so he may give something to you. We can only hope.\n\nYou pick up your phone and find the number for the club online. The dialing tone sounds. A beep and a pause. A beep and a pause. Then a soft voice comes through.\n\n"Hello, The Funny Bone club and bar, how can I help?"\n\n"Hi there. I'm calling to talk to the club's manager, please."\n\n"What is this regarding to?"\n\n"Oh, I'm performing for the club as a stand-up. I wanted to go over some details with him. Her. Them..."\n\n"Let me just check if he's here. One moment."\n\nYou thank her but she's already left. At least you know it's a guy. You faintly remember the old manager of the club, a fat, balding man who forced his compere skills on the audience. The new manager thankfully stayed behind the scenes. At least, you don't remember him.\n\nA scratched rustle and <<print either("[[she returns|He's Out]]","[[she returns|One Moment]]")>>.

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<<set $moFood = 0>><<set $double = 1>>"What about a drink?" you ask, "Saying that, I probably only have tap water at the moment. Sorry about that."\n\n"Oh no, that's just fine. I've been gasping for a drink all afternoon, water sounds perfect." Steph smiles.\n\nAfter filling a glass and handing it her, you guide Steph to the sofa and sit her next to Mo, who both hug. Or more, she hugged him and he responded, eventually.\n\n"So what are we here for exactly?" Mo asks. Both of them are looking at you.\n\n"I suppose there's no point waiting." you begin, "The reason I called you both is simple. I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. And, for tonight only, [[you're my audience|Living Room Stage]]!"

Her eyes blink as you stare into them. A long silence begins. Uncomfortably long. And unnecessary, really.\n\nVicky breathes deeply, “Ok, good, I guess.”\n\nHer face was at a loss, open mouthed and wandering eyes, figuring out what she wanted to do.\n\nShe laughs weakly. “I hope your stand-up act is a bit bigger than that. Otherwise it’ll be a really quiet room tonight.”\n\nWhat an awkward moment you’ve put her in. Anyway, with grinning eyes. Vicky swiftly tries to [[move on|I’ll Be There]].

There it is again. That movement, something right when you shift your hips and turn your head. Not as obvious now you know about it.\n\nI think it's nerves. You're hips are shaking but not in a good way, more like they're about to fail you. ANd your head is moving os much, not allowing you to stay still for too long. You've never seen yourself like this before. Trying to control it doesn't work. What the heck will your body be like on the night if it's this afraid of its reflection?\n\nYou're under time now. Somehow you've blurtted out your act quicker than before.\n\nYou could try it again, just[[once more|Third Time's The Charm]]. The abolute last, I swear. But it might be worth not wasting all this damn time and just getting back to [[the list|First Draft]].

You've got an act. \n\nPause for a moment, breath in. Join in with me.\n\nMmm.\n\nRight, good?\n\nThis is the best time to just breathe and take in the moment.\n\nBecause you've got an act. A damned comedy stand-up act.\n \nOr you've got the bare bones of a few jokes loosely connected together. Don't go off to have a victory chocolate bar and masturbation session just yet. You've got the barebones of an act, now the question is what you can do to make it better. \n\nYou look over your script, wanting to take comfort in what you've accomplished. At the moment it's not much to look at, a mess of disjointed, untested jokes, unconnected themes and topics that may cause gasps instead of laughs.\n\nAlready that thought causes you to plummet from your high. Is it up to par, will it be funny? No one's heard them yet. Maybe they're not good? Do they even make sense?\n\nThe only way you'll know is by trying them out. And that's when you'll really shit yourself.\n\nTaking down some ideas for improving your act, how do you want to start this off?\n<ul><<if $talkingMirror eq 0>><li>[[Perform what you have to yourself in the mirror| Mirror Image]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $meetFriends eq 0>><li>[[Invite your friends over and get some feedback from them| Friendly Text]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $callManager eq 0>><li>[[Call The Funny Bone and ask them about your act|Management Check]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $managerNumber eq 1>><<if $callManager eq 1>><<if $talkingMirror eq 1>><li>[[Call up The Funny Bone's manager directly|Try Again]]</li><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>></ul>\nOr could you be ready?\n\nYou'll never be ready, honestly. That's why there's always that degree of faith leaping you'll have to do for any performance. If you're ready to jump, let's [[bring on the show|The Morning]]!\n

“I was wondering how everything had been going? Life, love and writing your comedy act. Mainly the comedy. Actually, only the comedy. Come on, spill it."\n\n“You're wondering if I had taken your advice then about my act. You want some pride in knowing you were right.”\n\n“No, I just care about you. But if, by some chance, I find out you’ve taken my advice, well that’d be nice. Not that I'm needy like that. It's not like I need a single person, or a room full of total strangers, to adore me because I’ve done something good. Honestly, what gave you that idea?”\n\nYou play along with Vicky as she smiles cheekily at you.\n\nSo, what do you want to say about writing your stand-up act?\n\n1) “It’s been [[going great|Great Mate]], I’m prepared and ready for anything.”\n\n2) “It’s gone well, I’m [[still a bit unsure|Unsure Maccaw]] about things but, you know ‘hope it’s all right on the night’ sort of thing.”\n\n3) “[[Fine|Fine Wine]].”

Craig picks up the mic, the feedback hitting you straight in the ears.\n\n"Hello, testing, testing. Is this thing on?"\n\nSome young men cheer affirmatively.\n\n"Why do people ask that? I mean, I can hear myself in the speakers the first time around. You see these speakers, right?"\n\nA titter of giggling builds.\n\n"They're the size of a horse, stationed literally behind me. And people ask 'Is this thing on?' like they don't know. I'd fire the guy who'd say that."\n\nHe pauses.\n\n"So, I guess I’m looking for a new job as of now."\n\nPatches of the room laugh, the rest titter. \n\nDerrick, standing next to you, taps your arm.\n"See that reaction? The rooms still fresh, the people here aren't warmed up. If Craig had said that later on, when the audience were, it would've got a bigger laugh. Laughter has to grow, build, before it can be released."\n\nYou're nodding along, half listening to him, the other to Craig, and the smallest bit thinking about your act.\n\n"[[Let's start the show|First Up]]!"\n\nThe crowd frenzy their hands together.

Really? Well here we go. Let's have the same again.\n\nI'm not going to bother typing it all out again, you've read this before. Unless you didn't bother reading the whole of the last passage and skipped ahead. If you did, that's too bad, you missed a key character's death and the orgy scene that sprung out of nowhere and everything.\n\nAnyway, back to your story and you've performed for a sceond time already.\n\nYou notice something this time around. Something in your movement and how you look, the eye contact you're giving yourself. Apart from it all being a bit creepy staring at yourself, you see things that can be improved on.\n\nYou could try it [[once more|Second Time]]. But it might be worth not wasting anymore time and just getting back to [[your list|First Draft]]. Like I said, you've read this before.

Craig nods again, with less of a smirk on his face. Maybe you're overconfident response ever is worrying.\n\n"I hear you, it's something easy to pick up when you're into it. In this job, every advantage crucial to making it off the stage in one piece. Hecklers can be real career killers."\n\n"I understand."\n\nHe scribbles more down and starts [[talking|Checked Out]] again.\n

<<set $preparedness += 1>>It goes alright, mostly. Some await every new joke you have up your sleeve. Others are having their own little talks about whatever and they don't seem to be paying much attention to you.\n\n"And that's it. Thanks for having me, good night!"\n\nThey clap as you bow. They're all overly kind, cheering your name and shouting compliments.\n\n"Thanks guys, once again. Really. Any criticisms or stuff to say?"\n\nYou look around and no one really says anything. A few joke, saying you could be 'a little less shit', but nothing constructive. Despite their reluctance at helping, just performing in front of people has made you feel more prepared than before.\n\nYou spend the rest of your evening chatting and talking about anything else. As you're seeing them out, you're glad for the short time you had with your friends. You say goodbye and that you hope they all come to the real show.\n\n"I need someone to laugh at my jokes" you say.\n\nThey smile and leave. Congratulations, you survived. The real night is slowly getting closer. \n\nYou take a well-deserved rest and wake up fresh. Take a look at the tasks left from [[your list|First Draft]]. Let's keep going.

<<set $preparedness += 1>>Somehow the wine hits you hard. The bubbling gold seeping into you makes everything that Vicky's saying difficult to take in.\n\nYou know she's thanking you for the drink and giving you advice, but nothing's coming through properly. It's all echoing in your brain.\n\n"The best thing you can do is have fun... to know you're up there and you know what you're doing. Having fun is... If you can laugh at yourself, everyone can do the same."\n\nYou're really trying to find out what's going on, but it's just not working. Vicky gives your blankness no heed and keeps going on until she says something and leaves.\n\nWalking home, your thoughts swim about as does the poison inside your stomach. You vomit in a hedge, which definitely improves everything but your head. The night feels almost wasted, knowing you had the opportunity to get some first-hand experience and let it slip by. But I guess you at least got some stuff out of it.\n\nOh well. You're only option left is to go home, sleep it off hope your next decision works out better than this. So let's get back to that [[preparation list|Preparation List]] of yours.

<<set $liquoredUp = 1>>You offer drinks and they raise their hands, as if you were all back at school. Opening your wine cabinet that never has wine, you begin passing around all the vodka, brandy, ciders and beer held there.\n\nPeople pour for themselves, being quite generous. Soon, most are liquored up and enjoying the night even more. Their cheeks redden, faces gleam. It's getting hotter in here.\n\n"So why are we here again?" you hear someone ask.\n\nAll of them are eager to know why they're here. Some of them already guessing, others have become less bothered, Ian says something about an orgy and more are nodding off. \n\nLet's get it over with.\n\n"Sorry to interrupt. We might as well jump straight to it!" you say over the various conversations. "So, the reason I've called you here is simple. I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. And, for tonight only, [[you're my audience|Pre Jitters]]!"

"I guess I could. I'm as green as you here since this is my first gig too. So don't expect much."\n\nCalli's fingers rub against her lips.\n\n"<<print either("Maybe my one suggestion is to keep eye contact? That's probably not that helpful, right? I don't know, I’m not very good at this. Sorry.",\n"There was something one of the other acts told me, Vicky. She was saying about using the stage to great effect. When you're up there, you'll have the whole stage so you might as well use it. Move about, show you're not just standing there, show you're in control of the room. It was something like that.")>>".\n\nYou exhale and nod.\n\n"Really, I wish I could say more." She says.\n\n"No, that's fine Calli, really. “You try giving her a reassuring smile, but she deflects it with her own pout. She's obviously disappointed in herself. "You don't always have to be the perfectionist, Calli."\n\n"No, I know, it's just the nerves, I should be use to this by now."\n\n"It's something new, and definitely something scary. You'll do your best regardless." You keep your smile beaming, seeing the faintest grin growing on her.\n\n"I'll stop with the self-pity" she says, "and try to keep my mind on the job. Like, do you need [[anything else|Grand Guitar]]?"

You simply guide her to the sofa and try to make her comfortable.\n\n"So what are we here for exactly?" Mo asks, looking at you. Steph does the same.\n\n"I suppose there's no point waiting." you begin, "The reason I called you both is simple. I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. And, for tonight only, [[you're my audience|Living Room Stage]]!"

<<set $preparedness += 2>>You hand over the last glass of wine your money can buy to Vicky, which she accepts with a nod and smile.\n\n"Thanks. You know how to tug at my heart strings."\n\nYou gulp down the fizzy drink, finishing it quick. She’s sipping at the glass. You scratch your cheek. And again. You tap your leg, too worried, too desperate to hear Vicky's words. You've been waiting for this, come on, let’s get it now.\n\nShe sees you fidgeting.\n\n"Relax there. I don't bite, no matter what my ex says, the lying prick. If you really are going to go up on stage and entertain a crowd you'll need to keep it together, alright?"\n\nYou nod. Honestly, you're just happy to be taken seriously for once. Saying to most people you want to be a comedian seems to be like telling a joke in itself, because they always laugh at you.\n\n"Look, the best thing you can do is have fun. The audience needs to know you're up there and you know what you're doing. Having fun is the way to get to that. If you can laugh at yourself, everyone can do the same."\n\nShe pats you on the shoulder, grinning larger than before. Stilly your leg taps, your teeth grinding a little.\n\n"And that's another key thing. Something you need to know, especially as a new comedian. You'll be scared, even when you're having all that fun. Almost literally shitting yourself right now, and on the night, during the performance. You'll think you're suffering diarrhoea, but it's all just you. And that's fine. Fear is what will make you want more, it's the body telling itself 'I need to be better'. You will be so scared of failing that you'll have no choice but to be good."\n\nYour tapping slows down as Vicky speaks. It's good to know you're not the only one who has gone through this miniature hell and, better yet, survived it with their sanity in check. \n\nThe night continues. Vicky gives less advice as she goes on, but you're getting more relaxed anyway. As you start to realise how late it is, she grabs you in a quick hug before making her goodbye.\n\nYou walk home, more enlightened than before, ignoring your aching feet and the tons of work you'll have to face in the morning. The roads are quiet, you face no troubles. It doesn't matter because right now, you're ready for the next thing on [[your list|Preparation List]]. Good work, mate.

You hold your hand out and Rami shakes it.\n\n"Indeed, my friend! Onto the killing floor, to slaughter and murder the audience till they are roaring in pain."\n\nHe said that with too big a smile on his for you to take it seriously, though it is worrying how much these people talk of death, murder and stuff.\n\n"Don't die out there."\n\nThere he goes again. Rami walks off, dispensing some hair spray on his head, winking at you before disappearing through the door you came in. You're left with the last sprinkling of hairspray lingering on your tongue. \n\nThat was... interesting. Rami seems so self-confident even though he's all over the place. It's not hard to imagine that his act consists of basically talking to people. It's harder to imagine how quiet it is now that he's gone.\n\n[[Looking around the room|Behind The Scenes]], you wonder if there are any other acts going on tonight worth talking to.

"Some things don’t change. Didn't you say you wanted to be taken as a serious singer, selling albums, doing tours? Unless you've really taken a wrong turn, you've come to the wrong club, Calli."\n\nShe loses your eye contact as well as her smile. "It didn't really work out. The music business doesn't really care about the music unless you're willing to change yourself for them." \n\nCalli brushes her palm against her hair, tending the loose bits of green and blue. "And I needed a laugh after all that crap. So, when I came here to see a show and saw posters up about tonight, I thought 'why not'. At least I could still play the guitar on stage."\n\nIt's a nice enough plan, though you wonder just how bad her situation might be by the look on her face. Maybe that's something you two can talk about after tonight. If meeting up because of both performing at the same comedy event on the same night isn’t a sign… wekk, it’s a sign.\n\n"Anyway, since you're here, is there anything I can help with?"\n\n1) "How's [[your routine|Rainbow Girl - Experience]] going with the guitar and all?"\n2) "Got any [[advice?|Rainbow Girl - Advice]]"\n3) "It's really good to see you again, [[Calli|Rainbow Girl - Farewell]]. We can catch up after this night's over."

Ross Kennedy

"My mother was Italian, you see, and she had final say in our house about anything and everything."\n\nDon't think he even heard your question.\n\n"I think it was her that actually got me into comedy, as much as she's probably disappointed. She's incredibly passionate and emotional and growing up around that, I kind of copied it. So here I am, doing something loud on stage, crying my heart out to whoever will listen."\n\nYou nod, as Frank stares for a moment before breaking his daze.\n\n"But call me Rami, it helps me keep up the illusion the act. Sorry if this is confusing for you, it's a long night after all. Anyway, enough about me, let's talk about you. Want do you want, my funny friend?"\n\n1) "[[How long|Asian Guy - Experience]] have you been playing as Rami, Frank?"\n2) "Got any [[advice|Asian Guy - Advice]]?"\n3) "I think I’m good now. Nice to meet you. I'll [[see you up there|Asian Guy - Farewell]]."

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show!"\n\nThe screen is bright, especially around the man's large grin. The clapping begins. You've seen this episode of 'Live at the Venus Club' ten thousand times before, you know what to expect as you see them stand up on stage. The elite who trot up and down like they’ve got the right to be there, who've earnt it. The people who have wrestled you and the rest of the TV audience’s attention, holding it in their grinning teeth. And with just one joke, they kill us all.\n\nThe comedians. A breed of men and women who can smash us mere mortals into uncontrolled giggles and outright howls. And you've sat there, a sigh escapes your lips. Thinking over and over in your head\n\n//I wish I could do that...// .\n\nThe image of you on stage, with those hundreds of smiles watching you, laughing at your jokes, holding their attention completely onto you. You start considering what you’d say if you were up there, as thousands of eyes are watching you. Just you.\n\nYou wonder what your parents might say.\n\n//You? A comedian? You're unsuccessful, always have been. And lazy, don’t even know any good jokes. Look at yourself, with messy hair, dinner stains down you. Actually, you are pretty funny to look at. Maybe you have potential.//\n\nThat crowd and their smiles turn to sneers, the claps to boos, those on your side have turned. Your dreams seem to dash away quicker than you can plan for. Feeling an itch in your throat, you reach for the whiskey. Its evil to taste, but less so than the thoughts swimming about in your head. \n\nWhilst you mouth along to your favourite jokes, the whiskey starts to wash over your eyes. The next morning, life goes on. \n\nWell, almost.\n\nYou've got me as a friend, you lucky bastard! I'm a regular fairy godmother, and I'm going to make your dreams come true. That is, if [[you really want it|We'll Make You A Star!]].

"Alright, what'll you be having?"\n\nYou could get a drink of [[water|Water]], that'd be great. Keep you hydrated and alert for the whole performance.\n\nThough a [[fizzy drink|Fizzy Drink]], like a lemonade or Coke, would mean a sugar. The extra energy might keep you from crashing mid-performance.\n\nBut something in your gut says that [[alcohol|Alcohol]] would be best. The cool feeling around your lips, the calm it would bring your mind. It would set you on just the right edge to keep you focused. Tempting, am I right?\n\nThe barman snaps his fingers, awaking you from your daydream. \n\n"Excuse me, what'd you want from the bar mate?" he asks.

<<if $confrontHeckler eq 1>>Having succesfully talked the heckler back into the corner from which he crawled out of, you're free to get back to your act.<<else>>Having succesfully ignored the heckler and his friends, they soon get bored of people staring daggers at them, and your free to get back to your act.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $tipsy eq 1>>But then that taste, The taste of vomit in your mouth starts to build up. Oh god, your so near the end, so fucking near.\n\nGulp it down, now. Now, [[gulp|Gulp]]!<<else>><<set $theAct += 1>>You finish up on a strong note, twisitng a tale about your villainous boss and some of the sill stuff you find out in an office. A few in the third row point at each other, mouthing "that's you, totally you" to one another.\n\nYour tragic life can be funny, apparently. Good work.\n\nCraig's signalling from the back. Your [[time must be up|Goodnight]].<<endif>>

That's more like it. Let's not speak of this again[[...|Last Minutes]]

I smack away your hand and flip the book shut. Don't look so mad or confused.\n\n"Look, part of doing stand-up is worrying if your material is up to par, taking notes down and such. But it's more than just worrying and working and worrying some more. You still need to enjoy it all, as well, there is more to life than comedy. It may be a job, but it's a job that NEEDS to be fun for the performer, otherwise the audience won't feel that same fun. It's like an actor, you won't believe them unless they really play into the part. You're going up there to make people laugh and enjoy their evening, might as well do the same for yourself."\n\nI don't know if you thought about what I said, you just kept drinking. But I said my piece so I joined you in drinking.\n\n"Though I have to say, this thing" I say holding your little notepad, "really makes you look stupid, mate. A little red book, like Chairman Mao's."\n\nYou ask who that is and I don't react well. I talk about the Chinese Cultural Revolution and Tiananmen Square, what Dim Sum is and loads of other stuff. I know, I know, I take things too far. Sorry.\n\nIt was unfortunate for me, since it was waving that little red book at you during this rant that attracted the bulls from across the bar. A group of snorting guys and neighing girls [[greet us|Bullheads]].

He chuckles again.\n\n"That's true, I suppose. I'm just the navigator of this boat, steering you into the right direction. But as the captain, you're the one with the final say. Anyway, enough of the analogies.\n\nThe best advice I can give to you when making up a cohesive act is to make it all flow. Make each joke somehow follow into the next in some way, even if it's minor. Not only does it sound better to the audience, but it's much, much, much easier when trying to remember it all, since it all just flows better in your head too. Win-win really."\n\n"Okay, that sounds good. Thank you, I guess."\n\n"No problem man."\n\n"Is there [[anything else|More So]] I should think of?"

Well you gave up pretty easily, eh? No wonder you've gone nowhere in life and you're playing a bloody Twine created game on your PC.\n\nYou really want to know what happens to you in the story now you've given up your stand up career?\n\nPfft, well I suppose you just wallow away in the depths of your life, survive day by day but never live. One job after another, one failed relationsihpa after another, those microwave meals for one start becoming your only comfort in life. That's just how far you'll fall having never tried to achieve your dreams. You lazy bastard.\n\nThey say comedy is simply tragedy plus time. So laugh, because the rest of your life will be one massive comedy, you tragic prick.\n\nCongratulations! You got Ending 7. Oh wait sorry, no, not 'congratulations' more like 'You could've at least bloody tried to play the story'.\n\n[[Credits and Replay|Start]]

You go back to the list. You erase out the task you've just completed.\n\nNow, what to do next?\n\n<ul><<if $watchDVDs eq 0>><li>[[Watch stand-up DVDs for some ideas|Stand-up DVDs]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $pubUp eq 0>><li>[[Relax a bit and have a few drinks in town|Take a Drink]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $funnyBoned eq 0>><li>[[Go to 'The Funny Bone' and watch this weeks act|Musing]]</li><<endif>></ul>\nYou still have plenty of time before the open mic night arrives. You’ll need to choose your next move carefully if you want to be at your best.\n\nOtherwise, if you think you're all done, lets start to actually [[write your jokes|Finished your Prep]] down.

<<set $original += 1>><<set $originalityYes = 1>>Good job, you've taken the moral high ground. This will ensure you have a halo above your head when you walk around in public. But that won't mean crap if you're not prepared for your act. \n\nStill, you do your best and take down the act's subjects. You notice some obvious trends. All of them in some way mention sex, most include families or friends, the standard. Though somehow, you notice a lot of northern comics telling a few jokes about Hitler with his infamous one testicle. Interesting trend, though not entirely helpful. All the topics you get down are great springboards to develop from, but none really prepare you properly.\n\nIt's enough to fill a pad page and use later. You've already got ideas about how to fill these topics with jokes of your own, but it'll be hard to work on Hitler's odd numbered testicles. Good bloody luck!\n\nAnyway, that's one idea down. [[Back to the list|Preparation List]].

They laugh and chortle out, revelling in the insult you lashed on her. The boy himself broods even deeper, a silver frown and dark iris' piercing into you.\n\n"I'm regretting that one already."\n\nYou laugh into the mic, but his face doesn't change.\n\n"Sorry guy, really, the make-ups looking great."\n\nThey chuckle in unison. You know you're really lucky to have them react like that, they could've easily turned on you. Shame he didn't take it as well. Interacting with the audience is a gamble. Only the best or most desperate comics do it. Which one are you?\n\nCome on, you have an audience [[waiting on you|Drink Dilemma]].

You're honestly going to give in now? After all the time you've wasted in front of this screen already, you can't hold out to the end?\n\nCome on, I didn't put all this effort so you could quit. Why'd you think I'm appealing to you now, at such a crucial moment? Do you want me to beg? Is that it? Alright, alright... Pleaaaaaaaase stay? Will you?\n\nWhat do you say?\n\n1) "[[Hell to this, just end my journey already|Ultimate Surrender]]."\n\n2) "[[Oh alright. I've lasted this long|That's More Like It]]."

"Thanks for coming you guys."\n\nIan has arm over your shoulders, "You were the only decent one up there, mate."\n\n"What are you talking about?" says Kevin, "It was appalling, worst drivel, didn't laugh but you looked stupid. Two out of ten."\n\nYou roll your eyes, "Everyone's a bloody critic."\n\n"What are friends for?" Kevin winks.\n\n"Oh that reminds me” you look around the room for a moment, “Did you notice Calli up there?"\n\n"Yeah!" Steph says "We talked to her a bit ago, she's so different, yet the same. Weird. And that hair! Why didn't you tell us she was here?"\n\n"I only knew tonight, before I went on. We talked a bit but not much. Is she still around?"\n\n"Think she left earlier with some friends. Don't worry about her though, this is your night. Have you had a drink? What do you want?"\n\nWhy not? Let them lavish you with drinks. Each one of them brings you a shot of something throughout the night. The tequila is the worst. Somehow though, with your nerves of the night all gone, the alcohol doesn't take much affect. The same can't be said for your friends. Mo's asleep on Steph's shoulder, Ian's dozing out whilst Kevin's speaking.\n\n"Alright, your night’s over guys. You've had enough, go home. The taxi's waiting."\n\nNone of them are too pleased to be disturbed, but they accept. You all say your goodbyes before they all leave. You stay behind. You're nights not over just yet. Midnight strolls through and things start winding down as people leave more and more. The once constant murmur of voices turns into quiet whispers. You recognise less people than before.\n\nCraig comes up to the bar next to you and orders something.\n\n"Hey," he says, "I’ve been meaning to talk to you all night. How you feeling?"\n\n1) "[[Good|Follow Craig]]. Everyone's been nice, haven't had many complaints. Yet."\n\n2) "Pretty much [[like my performance|Follow Craig]], if you know what I mean."

Finding the cost too great, you apologise to Vicky. <<if $preparedness lte 3>><<set $preparedness += 1>>She doesn't mind too much and offers a short bit of advice, regardless.\n\n"Look, the best thing you can do is have fun. The audience needs to know you're up there and you know what you're doing. Having fun is the way to that. If you can laugh at yourself, everyone can do the same. And that's all the free advice I can give. The rest you'll have to figure out without me."<<endif>> \nBefore you leave, she gives you a handshake and smile. You take them both before leaving.\n\nIt was still a good evening, mate, if not the best it could've been. You learnt a bit more about preparing for the open mic night and getting in the right frame of mind. Vicky didn't really give up anything new but it doesn't matter. Every little helps. \n\nAnd, you at least seem to have a friend for when the night comes.\n\nReturning home and feel better. Ready to hit the next thing on [[your list|Preparation List]]? Good.

You first notice the stage lights. How could you not, with their beams of fire frying your iris like a pair of egg yolks. <<if $silverBear eq 1>>Derrick was right, the faces of the crowd are hazy, hard to tell details, because the lights are harassing you too much.<<else>>The faces of the crowd are hazy, hard to tell details, because the lights are harassing you too much.<<endif>> Still, you can make out floating heads with their eyes, their faces, all blank. Did they even clap when you went up?\n\nThe smell of burning hair lingered on stage, as if the act before hadn’t walked off but was vaporised, murdered, mutilated, under the glare of the audience. Lager and wine surround you, with their earthy taste gripping to the roof of your mouth. The lights, it’s like they’re getting hotter. Are you sweating from them or the nerves? Your clothes are sticky already.\n\nFuck, maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe this isn’t the time to be here. You look around the room, searching for [[a familiar face|Nerves]] to anchor onto, to bring you back.

Some of them are already guessing why they're here, others are less bothered, Ian says something about an orgy and more are nodding off. \n\n"We might as well jump straight into it!" you shout over the various conversations going on. "Sorry to interrupt, but I need to get this off my chest."\n\nYou pause, trying to find the courage to say something.\n\n"Are... you dying, mate?" someone asks from the bed.\n\n"God no!" you laugh. They laugh. It's all a big joke, your death. "No, no. The reason I've called you here is simple. I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. And, for tonight only, [[you're my audience|Pre Jitters]]!"

<<set $competence += 1>>You grin wide.\n\n"I'm fine. I've been really looking forward to doing this more than anything. Nothing can keep me down tonight."\n\nCraig grins again, this time his dimples sag a little.\n\n"Good, good. I like to hear confidence. But I hope you know this'll be nothing like that. With acting, you can go on with your performance whether your acting is crap or not, but stand-up, mate."\n\nHe leans back in his chair and exhales, beginning to tap his pen against the leg.\n\n"If no one laughs, claps, cheers or just reacts to your act, that's fucking terrible. You're dead in the water and the hecklers are hunting you out for any weakness. You're there to shake them up, to beat at that funny bone till they die of laughter. And if they don't die, you will."\n\nCraig looks over at you. Well, he's just full of rainbows and sunshine, eh? Right now, you're not sure if you've shit yourself or if you’re imagining it.\n\nHe begins to laugh.\n\n"Your face, I swear. Funniest thing i've seen. Don't worry, I’m sure you're fine. Put that aside for now, and let's get on with the [[next question|Number 2]] quick."

A chorus of squeaks, squeals, hawks and trumpets come across the room. You can only hope that the laughing now is a good sign of things to come.\n\n"What's so funny?" you ask, and they laugh a bit harder at your stupid question.\n\n"When, did this, happen?" said Steph, catching her breath.\n\n"Not too long ago. I was out at The Funny Bone bar, you know, the local comedy club? WIth the golfing? They had posters up about an open mic night for new comics."\n\nThey were starting to settle down, though small grins and giggles still remained.\n\n"I needed to test my jokes out on someone, and that someone is you lot. My friends, my comrades, my audience. I also thought you guys would take any chance you could get to laugh at me."\n\nThey chuckle, eager to [[hear your act|Group]].

"Afternoon young man. You enjoying this evening?"\n\nHe shrugs and shakes his head about. "It's ok."\n\n"It's ok? \n\n1) “I can't tell, are you a Goth or a very [[unhappy clown|Poor Go]]?”\n\n2) “Those are a [[lot of piercings|Mod Go]] for someone so young, if you don’t mind me saying. \n\n3) “You’ve [[not laughed much|Good Go]] tonight, mate. Cheer up! You’re at a comedy club, not a séance. Unless I really do die up here, you'll need a séance to see the rest of the show.”

You're hating it.\n\nA couple of hours in and you've only done half a page of some jokes. That's a minutes worth on stage, at best, maybe two if you just say them really slowly. You wouldn't be the first to consider doing that. Trust me, the audience isn't stupid, they'll know when a newbie is trying to fill time instead of making them laugh.\n\nThe gig has to be five minutes worth, not one or two. Maybe the laughter will take up some time? Well only if it's good stuff, but I bet you're doubting that.\n\nMost of that minute you've got down consists of some penis jokes. Not very original, are you? You've avoided mentioning any vaginas. Not for lack of trying, mind you. You just don't know whether you’re coming or going with vaginas. Oh, you can make that into a joke. Bit poor, but you can work at it tomorrow.\n\nSuddenly, you hit a stride. Your fingers begin to ache under the strain of typing. The vagina jokes has made you think about menstruation, then that one friend you had who always brought it up. You think about her and the way she'd dance with guys at a club, and then how this drunk guy approached you one night at the club. \n\nYou begin finding the funny in these thoughts and memories. The jokes just roll on from there.\n\nThings go like this on, and on, [[and on|Groggy Morning]]...\n

"Who could blame you? It's not for everyone. Sometimes having all that pressure of your shoulders can ease you back into normality. You're high, basically. The brain gives you all this adrenaline whilst you're doing your stand-up. For you, it sounds likeit left you fairly fast. But for me and others, it's still there and you can't do nothing with it. My first time I was so damned aimless, just looking to find something to do. I started heckling the other acts, for Christ's sake. Which led me into trouble with manager there, God knowd how I even got herr with-"\n\nA knock at the office door interrupts Craig.\n\n"Who's there?" he asks.\n\n"Doctor" replies the person.\n\n"Doctor who?"\n\n"I'm more of a Star Trek fan."\n\nCraig claps his hands. Slowly.\n\n"Well bloody done. Come on, get in here already."\n\nThe voice giggles, and then opens the door.\n\n<<if $metVicky eq 1>>Its [[Vicky|Vicky Arrives]].<<else>>A short blonde [[woman enters|Vicky Arrives]].<<endif>>

<<set $preparedness -= 1>>Not trusting these strangers with your notebook, you bring it with you to the toilet for safe keeping. Though, you regret this soon after. Whilst stumbling into the cubical (you are drunk after all), the book slips out of your hand straight into the toilet water. Desperately clawing it out as quickly as you can, it's already soaked.\n\nOpening it, the notes you’ve made are blotched stains, leaking through the whole book, blurred words, the ideas you've written down all this time, slipping away. You're pissed.\n\nYou were able to read most of the blurred words, copying them back again. Of course, you still lost some stuff, you're lucky you got as much as you did. This wouldn't have been a problem if you had been sober. Can't say i'm surprised. Tut tut.\n\nDo you feel bad enough yet?\n\nAfter recovering all your work, you read over your [[preparation list|Preparation List]] again.

<<set $managerNumber = 1>>"Sorry, pet, he's out for the day and I don't know when he's back."\n\nDamn, that would've been helpful. Your mind starts wandering. \n\nYou ask, "Is there anything you can give me to help?" \n\n"Not really." \n\nThere's a pause. You're both thinking about what to say at this point. Maybe you should just hang up and move on to something else.\n\n"Look" she starts, "I'll give you his office number and you can try calling him again. I'm not really allowed to give it out to random people but if you say you're working here, I can't really say no. Sorry I can't do much else."\n\n"No, no, that's great, really, thanks."\n\nYou rush to find a pen and paper. You find one. Why are they never lying next to each other? She hands it over as you scribble it down. Once more, you thank her.\n\nYou'll save that number for latter. Meanwhile, you'd better get [[back to your list|First Draft]].

Now's the time to focus. It’s only way to get through this. Your next step is to mould this notebook into a full on script of your routine. Said script will have your jokes, in the best order possible, so you get the most laughs from your audience. It's this script that you'll have to memorise for the night.\n\nYou'll have to work at these jotted down ideas and subjects from your notebook into something funny. You've got some safe bets that the audience always seem to laugh at. Your sex life (or lack thereof), your spouse (or lack thereof) and your accent (or, you get the picture).\n\nRegardless, what do you want to do now?\n\nYou could [[take a break|Peppy Morning]] after this session, if you want. It's getting dark outside and you do need to rest at some point. Bright and early to deal with the new day.\n\nBut you are on a roll, maybe [[you should continue|Burning the Midnight Oil]] on. I’m sure you’re now alerted mind is already thinking of funny things as I speak, there's no better time to write jokes.

Well if you're going to take this route, I've got some words for you, mate.\n\nI've been there. I've signed myself up for a five minute routine of stand-up like you've just done. Of course, I didn't do it through a computer screen. But i'm (probably(not)) your best hope for not failing this text based adventure, and will give you the choices to help you along the way. Maybe you'll have fun, maybe you'll learn something. Or you won't. This is a free story you got off the internet, are you expecting much?\n\nRegardless, you can't just rush in and perform without any material. Comedians don't just make up stuff on the spot, and even if they do, it's not Plan A. The masters of the art prepare for everything and you're going to do the same.\n\nBefore you can make a whole routine, you're going to have to get some inspiration for your jokes. I'll be around (obviously, i'm the bloody narrator after all) but now it's [[up to you|First Preparation List]].

<<set $preparedness -= 2>>//Hey, babes and dudes. At the hospital, Mo gettin stitches nao, Dr thanks he'll be fine, no cuts too deep. Mo sorry bout cupboard and things,.xxx//\n\nThat's good. Glad no one died at your first stand-up experience. You pick up serial-killer type nicknames, like ‘The Joke Killer’ from things like that.\n\nYou realise you've learnt nothing tonight, except maybe not to get so many people drunk in such a small place. Spreading the news and everyone's relieved. They finally go home, after sobering up a bit, and leave you.\n\nThe next morning, you send Mo a text, wishing him well before you're of to work. Now that whole shitty night is behind you, it's time for the next thing on [[the list|First Draft]].

After a shit day at work, your boss berating you for the hundreth time for not loading the printer properly, I invite you out.\n\n"Come on, let's go to the Bone and have a few laughs."\n\n'The Funny Bone', a mix of a pub, restaraunt, cafe, golf club with driving range and, of course, a comedy club. Another London joint trying to get all the business it could in a city that already has everything. With the day you've had, you could use a laugh.\n\nWe arrive and I order us drinks, something weak for now. We luckily get a pair of seats near the front just before the lights around us dim, whilst the ones on stage brighten.\n\nThe first half is great. The warm-up act, Vicky Strand, starts by interacting with the audience. She points to the guy next to us, insulting his dress sense and haircut, which we all begin to laugh at. If she had never pointed it out, I don't think anyone would've noticed or laughed so hard. She's good. Vicky continues on, talking about how she's had to dress better since turning 32 and how old she feels now thinking aobut it. We chuckle. She's still fairly new to the stage. Her act isn't polished but it's raw and has such potential.\n\n"It's time for our regular break" she says, "so you can buy drinks and get hammered. Otherwise, i'm not getting laid tonight." The audience chuckles. "See you in 20 minutes ladies and gentlemen!"\n\n"Another drink?" I ask you.\n\n1) "[[Sure|Break Time - Yes]], would love one, thanks."\n\n2) "[[Nah|Break Time - No]], I'm good here, thanks."

Craig nods again, with less of a smirk on his face. Maybe you're overconfident response ever is worrying.\n\n"I hear you, it's something easy to pick up when you're into it. In this job, every advantage crucial to making it off the stage in one piece. Hecklers can be real career killers."\n\n"I understand."\n\nHe scribbles more down and starts [[talking|Checked Out]] again.

<<set $competence += 1>>He's smirking again. \n\n"That's good to hear. Most new acts can be scared away by the simplest idea of being heckled and disgraced on stage. You’d get this feeling that everyone is against you, and how much of a failure you are, how funny you aren't."\n\n"Yeah, that's not helping at all, Craig."\n\nHe laughs, apologising.\n\n"It'll be alright, no worries. I didn't mean to scare you so much. Though, a little fear will keep on your toes. You may have guessed by now, but these questions were just a way to gauge how confident you were in all of this. Confidence in this job means more than your jokes sometimes."\n\nHe leans over his desk, resting his elbows on the desk\n\n"I mean, my comedy heroes don't always have good or funny jokes, sometimes they just say it in the most funny fucking way that you laugh at it. Because they want to make you laugh so badly it happens."\n\nYou nod. Confidence is definitely something you've been trying to work at, hopefully it'll be alright on the night. Tonight, I mean.\n\nCraig sits back in his chair and begins to [[speak|Checked Out]].\n

He pouts and nods.\n\n"Ok, that's fine, it's not like this is a science. You have a stage, you do your act on it."\n\nHe writes something down.\n\n"So, you say you've not gone on stage properly before. It's not because of stage fright, right?"\n\nYou consider how to answer. \n\n//The last few weeks have been shit, times where I've thought about just running away from this all. Could that be your stage fright?//\n\nYou could [[bring up what's happened|Worries]], just to be honest to the guy whose giving you a chance, putting his business on your act. Kind of.\n\nBut there's always the option to just [[put on a smile|Smiler]] and not worry him. You've got the chance to be taken seriously by the first guy in the industry. Basically, don't fuck it up.

<<set $theAct += 1>>The audience are terribly fickle bunch, even turning against their own when they want to. They laugh and chortle out, revelling in the insult you lashed on him. The boy is shaking his head and dropping his head, but it doesn't hide the silver smirk he has.\n\n"I'm regretting that one already."\n\nYou laugh into the mic\n\n"Sorry guy, really, the make-ups looking great."\n\nThey chuckle in unison. You know you're really lucky to have them react like that, they could've easily turned on you. Interacting with the audience is a gamble. Only the best or most desperate comics do it. Which one are you?\n\nCome on, you have an audience [[waiting on you|Drink Dilemma]].

Now, I want you to really think about this and what you're doing. Really think here.\n\n1) "[[Yes|Fuck Off Mum]], she deserves to know my feelings."\n\n2) "[[No|Parents Phone]], you're right I can't do that to her."

After a waiting a day, you go to phone The Funny Bone manager, Craig, for some advice on your act.\n\nDialing in the number, you hear the ring tone. At least the number works. You're still not sure who that women was when you first called up. She was nice.\n\n"Hello?" says a hard voice.\n\nYou pause for a moment, getting your bearings.\n\n"Sorry. Who's this?" you reply.\n\n"You called for me, shouldn't you know?"\n\n"Oh, you're the manager?"\n\n"Yes, of The Funny Bone. Where you called up. What can I do for you?"\n\nYou're starting to feel hot sweat on your cheeks. You clear your throat and [[explain|Satty Chatty]].

As you continue on, more drink starts to flow around the rows as gulping pitchers, the clinking of glasses between friends.\n\nYour throat dries and you remember your drink. It's sitting on a stool next to you on stage. You have no clue when that even was there or putting your drink on it.\n\nDo you want to [[leave it alone|Ethics]] and get on with it? This pause will start to become awkwardly long if you just stand there, staring at it. Or maybe just [[down it|Freshers]], go big or go home. \n\nIt's your fucking stand-up, you choose.

<<set $preparedness += 1>>You decide to come with me and say our goodbyes to our new 'friends'. The big one hugs you and I’m surprised you didn't heave from the smell.\n\nGetting out of the front door is a beautiful release. We walk a few streets, joking together, bouncing off each other about the group from the pub. It gives your funny muscles a bit of a stretch as your ideas keep coming. You're tempted to whip out that little bloody book, but you don't. Maybe some of what I said got through.\n\nRefreshed, you head back home to get an early night, thinking about the night's events. As you're about to doze off, inspiration hits. Opening a page, you scribble more ideas down.\n\nYou've taken away something from tonight, and know you're that bit more ready for whatever’s ahead.\n\nNow back on form, you go back to your [[preparation list|Preparation List]], ready to tackle your next decision.

You go back to your list.<<if $callManager eq 1>> You write down the manager's number in the corner of the paper and add calling him to the list.<<endif>> You erase the last task out. Now, what are we up to next?\n\n<ul><<if $talkingMirror eq 0>><li>[[Perform what you have to yourself in the mirror| Mirror Image]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $meetFriends eq 0>><li>[[Invite your friends over and get some feedback from them| Friendly Text]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $callManager eq 0>><li>[[Call The Funny Bone and ask them about your act|Management Check]]</li><<endif>>\n<<if $managerNumber eq 1>><<if $callManager eq 1>><<if $talkingMirror eq 1>><li>[[Call up The Funny Bone's manager directly|Try Again]]</li><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>></ul>\nOr could you be ready?\n\nYou'll never be ready, honestly. That's why there's always that degree of faith leaping you'll have to do for any performance. If you're ready to jump, let's [[bring on the show|The Morning]]!\n

You lock into her embrace and feel the warmth of her chest against yours. You've only met the once when you were slightly tipsy, but her friendliness still seems as genuine.\n\n"Good to see you here" you say.\n\n"You too, I thought you might've chickened out" she gently punches your shoulder and grins, "Joking, of course. That’s my job after all."\n\n"I'd save those jokes for when you're on stage, I don't want you using up all your good ones."\n\nShe cackles through her nose, the nostrils flaring.\n\n"Wow, the cat's claws are out tonight. I wouldn't want to be a heckler when you're up."\n\n"Well with that kind of endorsement, I must be fit and able for tonight."\n\n"That's why I wanted to see you. Craig mentioned you just now and I wanted to see how you've been getting on since we last spoke. Do you remember my advice for you?" she aaks.\n\nYou try to recall, but can you remember what she said?\n\n1) "It was about my [[mic technique|Mic No]] and using the stage."\n2) "It was about having [[fun and that fear|Funny Yes]] will make me do better work."\n3) "It was about letting yourself [[look stupid|Stupid No]] to make the audience laugh."\n4) "I [[left to go home|Homer]] before we could talk about that."

"Good evening, madam. How is your night going so far?"\n\nShe giggles, "It's alright so far."\n\n"Well that's good. It's just a shame I’m going to have to ruin it for you then."\n\nThe woman contains her laughter and just smiles, but the people around her stare, chuckling.\n\nNow's the time. What are going to say to her?\n\n1) “I must say madam, your revealing cleavage caught my eye. I haven’t seen that many [[wrinkles winking|Poor Co]] at me before. \n\n2) “I can tell from how you’re dressed, you’d probably consider yourself a ‘cougar’. Am I right, madam? I’m sure [[men your age|Mod Co]] can’t stand how you look, that’s why you’re going for the young and dumb right?”\n\n3) “Just from looking at you, I can tell you’re like a fine wine, aren’t you madam? Growing [[better with age|Good Co]]. It’s just a shame then that the cork has tainted your body.”

Rami shakes his head, trying to hide his teeth before storming off. Rami’s arms and back stiffen in place, whilst both his fists grip together tightly. Another of the acts follows him, a woman, who reaches over his shoulders to hold him.\n\nThere’s one friend you’ve lost today. What will the others be like?\n\n<<if $speakCalli eq 1>>You go back to the comedian's corner of the room, taking a seat. Everyone around you is already talking between themselves. Your moment in the spotlight has died down, gone, as Derrick performs on stage. It wasn't even 15 minutes of fame, more like 8. How is that acceptable? You were on the biggest high you've ever been on, the control, the attention was all there. And you've given that up to sit in the corner of a club, by yourself, as everyone else is having a good time. Fuck, how are you dealing with that? You're better person than I.\n\nLet's try and distract you for now. Check your phone, see if you've [[got any texts|Texting]].\n<<else>>A tap on your shoulder from [[Callista|Callista Talks]] wakes you from your daydream.<<endif>>

<<set $craigTalk = 1>>"Hi, I’m one of your new comedians. I mean, i'm performing as a new comedian for you on your next open mic night."\n\n"Right, I thought you sounded familiar."\n\nThe word 'familiar' eases you into a bit of comfort, but confusion as well.\n\n"Oh, have we met? Sorry, I don't seem to remember you."\n\nHe chuckles down the phone.\n\n"I'm not surprised. We met when you signed up, but by that point of the night you were quite wiped."\n\nThat is why you know his voice. You don't remember any of that he's saying. Though obviously I do. I was there too, in a much more stable state. I mean you were near blind drunk in comparison. That was my plan, after all and it's worked out so far, as you well know.\n\n"See" the manager continues, "I was unsure whether I should let you sign up. People in your state usually either forget they've even done it the next morning and they never turn up to perform. Or you have the others who quit after finding out, thinking it was a drunken mistake and that they’re not funny. But you were quite sure of yourself."\n\nYou struggle to recall anything more from that night, but nothing is hitting you.\n\n"I'm guessing that's why you're calling?" he asks.\n\nHow do you want to respond?\n\n1) "No, nothing like that, I only wanted to ask for a [[bit of advice|Advisor Craig]] on my act."\n\n2) "Well, it’s [[crossed my mind|Damn It]] but I'm not sure."\n

<<set $competence -= 1>>His brow comes down and he nods, so much nodding from both of you.\n\n"Okay, yeah, that's fine. I mean, I suppose some people are like that. There's nothing to do at this point, which is a shame. But we'll deal with it, right?"\n\nHe writes something down as you nod.\n\n"Go get a decent volume on the mic, without it going to loud or quiet, just keep it resting on your chin. You'll be fine. Oh, and try not to walk close to the speakers. The feedback screams into your skull, and people don't laugh in pain. This should hopefully help with your... inexperience."\n\nI hope you're remembering all this crap. I've forgotten most of it already.\n\nOnce more, he scratches something down on his pad before [[looking back up|Number 3]] at you.

You look at Steph who's nodding as Mo finishes.\n\n"Yeah, he's right. That was good, seriously, love. I loved the bit where you talked about that shitty relationship you were in. God, have I been there."\n\nShe chuckles, gazing past you, lost in the memory of the joke. That's some damn good work if she's remembering your jokes. You're actually becoming a comedian.\n\n"Still, I was a little disappointed when you were just standing there most of the time. You looked really dead, like a plank, no energy at all. I wanted to see you really move you're body and have some fun."\n\n"You would know about moving your body so much."\n\nYou grin, as does Mo, but Steph stares with slanted eyebrows at you.\n\n"What are you implying?" she asks, plainly.\n\n"No, no. I mean you're hyper, not that you're, you're like-" you fumble to find words until she laughs.\n\n"I know, I was kidding. Maybe I should be the comedian here."\n\nYou grin. For once this night, you feel relieved. Relieved that you've got an act people enjoy, that you've still got time to improve, and relieved you didn't call one of your friends a slut by mistake. All in all, it's been a [[good night|Good Night]].

<<set $preparedness += 1>>"Doubt is the key to knowledge" the manager says, "A Persian proverb, according to Wikipedia anyway, but it works. Every comic is an artist, and every artist doubts their own work at some stage, its part of the trade. If you didn't doubt, you'd have nowhere to go, you'd believe you were always good enough. Now, at least, you'll always be striving to be better."\n\nYou nod, "Yeah, I've been trying."\n\n"Good, keep going. My best advice is to keep working towards it, don't let anything distract you, and you'll do fine. Think you can cope with that?"\n\n"Yeah, cheers, that means a lot."\n\n"No problem. Now I really can't wait to see you on the night. I usually don't get people bothering to call. You obviously care about this. Come find me before the show and I can see how good you're going to be. Don't worry, it's not like you'll be graded or anything. It'll be fine. I've got to go anyway, so good talking to you."\n\n"You too."\n\nThe line goes dead. You hold your phone down, stare at the blank screen and then slap it against your forehead. That didn't go the way you wanted, huh? You must've wanted to push him on more. Doubt should've helped you more, not hindered. Great, now I sound like Craig.\n\nAn interesting distraction at least. Better just move on and get back to what's left to [[prepare more|First Draft]].

"Alright audience, we've come to the part of the night where I pick on people at the front for laughs. Because it's a well-established fact of comedy and I think 'why change a tradition' you know?"\n\nYou kneel down slightly, to let yourself duck under lights and see them a bit better.\n\n"There's some meat to the slaughter here, I can tell you."\n\nThough really, only two people really catch your eye. A middle aged woman, a cougar type with tight revealing, clothing and a smile caked in red wax. The other is a teenage boy, a Goth type with everything being black apart from his pale face, which holds a stern frown decorated with various piercings.\n\nWhich one do you want to interact with?\n\nThe [[middle-aged woman|Cougar]] or the [[teenage boy|Goth]]?

<<set $talkCalli = 1>><<if $original gte 1>>A large grin grows on her face, the ends of it almost touching her curved eyes.\n\n“Well, well, well, you’ve grown a bit since the last time I saw you. I don’t even remember you being that funny.”\n\n<<if $preparedness lte 2>>”I wasn’t, that’s why no one clapped.”\n\nShe shrugs her shoulders, “What do they know, eh, the philistines?”<<else>>”Sweet talk all you like, Calli, but I still can’t make you any funnier.”\n\n“Oh you bitchy cow” she chuckles, “You know, when I comeback after my performance, I’m finding you and I’ll have a comeback.”<<endif>>\n\nShe crosses her arms, shaking her head.\n\n“Still, that was great to see you up there. When we were at school, you remember how shy I was, and it was only thanks to John that I ever really got over that. And seeing you up there just… reminded me of that time. I think I’ve gained a bit more confidence because of you. I believe I can go up there and do well too.”\n\nShe grabs your hand.\n\n“I’m glad. You’re welcome, I suppose.”\n\nYou both stand close to each other for a short time before another act, a man, taps on her shoulder.\n\n“Calli, right? Craig told me your guitar was moved to the backroom by mistake, if you want to go and get it.”\n\nShe thanks the man, who leaves you both alone.\n\n“I’d better go check if the damned thing is all tuned properly. We’ll talk more at the end of the night, alright?”\n\nYou nod, and she gives you a hug. Well, get off her, let her prepare for her act. It’s time to face the music. No use avoiding it.\n\n<<if $speakRami eq 1>>You go back to the comedian's corner of the room, taking a seat. Everyone around you is already speaking between themselves. Your moment in the spotlight has died down, gone, as Derrick performs on stage. It wasn't even 15 minutes of fame, more like 8. How can you accept that? You were on the biggest high you've ever been on, the control, the attention was all on you. And you've given that up to sit in the corner of a club, by yourself as everyone else is having a good time. Fuck, how are you dealing with that?\n\nLet's try and distract you for now. Check your phone, see if you've [[got any texts|Texting]].\n<<else>> Rami’s hovering close by, his eyes intent on you. With little way to avoid him, you [[greet him|Rami Talks]].<<endif>>\n\n<<else>>”Hey there” she says, weakly. “I’m sorry about all this, you know. I don’t think they should be giving you such a hard time.”\n\nCalli rubs your arm. <<if $speakRami eq 1>>You’re glad for the comfort but can’t look her in the eye.\n\n<<else>> You simply blink.\n\n”Wait, so you know why everyone’s giving me these evil eyes?”\n\n“You don’t know? I heard the rest talking. They said you’d stolen jokes from another comedian here or something like that.”\n\nThe back of your throat dries again, causing you to gulp it away. Somehow you feel worse that Calli knows. The friend you’ve known for years, and suddenly you meet again and you’re shown as a cheat and liar. //Anyone but Calli//, you think.<<endif>>\n\n”I don’t blame you,” she starts, “I can’t. I’ve wanted to do the same. It’s not easy making these up, good ones anyway. It’s not easy, and I guess you already know that.”\n\nYou both stand close to each other for a short time before another act, a man, taps on her shoulder.\n\n“Calli, right? Craig told me your guitar was moved to the backroom by mistake, if you want to go and get it.”\n\nShe thanks the man, who leaves you both alone.\n\n“I’d better go check if the damned thing is all tuned properly. We’ll talk more at the end of the night, alright?”\n\nYou nod, and she gives you a hug. Well, get off her, let her prepare for her act. It’s time to face the music. No use avoiding it.\n\n<<if $speakRami eq 1>>You go back to the comedian's corner of the room, taking a seat. Everyone around you is already speaking between themselves. Your moment in the spotlight has died down, gone, as Derrick performs on stage. It wasn't even 15 minutes of fame, more like 8. How can you accept that? You were on the biggest high you've ever been on, the control, the attention was all on you. And you've given that up to sit in the corner of a club, by yourself as everyone else is having a good time. Fuck, how are you dealing with that?\n\nLet's try and distract you for now. Check your phone, see if you've [[got any texts|Texting]].\n<<else>>Rami’s hovering close by, his eyes intent on you. With little way to avoid him, you [[greet him|Rami Talks]].<<endif>><<endif>>

She ruffles her nose. \n\n"Not exactly, even if that is good advice. I said about the fear of this job can spur you to be better, and also to just have fun with it."\n\nYou nod, saying you remember now.\n\n"Good. Though you'll need a better memory if you really want to survive being on stage. I tell you, my first time up there, I forgot to correct a joke when I said it wrong. And things went."\n\nVicky raises a finger and drags it across her throat, making a low gargling sound.\n\n"Not so good. Thank god Craig understood, otherwise I never would've had another chance up there. Not because he wouldn't let me on again, but because I felt terrible after doing it, I wanted to leave."\n\n"I'm glad you're still here" you say.\n\n"Yeah, you and me both" she giggles, "oh don't start. For one minute I thought you cared about me, then I realised you're just trying to use my expertise for all I’m worth, you hustler."\n\nShe lightly slaps your elbow.\n\n"[[How's it been|Dude How]] writing your routine, though?"

<<set $preparedness += 1>>You've had a good night, and if nothing else, you feel a bit more confident having performed in front of others. The ebbing flow of the audience and how they watch you is much easier to understand.\n\nYou've got hope, which is more than you had before. Soon though, both of your guests are getting tired and they make their excuses to go home. As you're seeing them out, you're glad for the short time you had with your friends. You say goodbye and that you hope they all come to the real show.\n\n"I need someone to laugh at my jokes" you say.\n\nThey smile and leave. Ready and raring for the next task, you take a look at the next task from [[your list|First Draft]].

You arrive at the club. It's a fairly normal night. People sitting at the bar, sports on the TVs and mainly 20-something-year-olds running about behind the bar for 40-something-year-olds.\n\nFirst you need to meet up with the manager. First, you need to find him.\n\nYou could try [[asking the staff|Hello?]] behind the bar, though they look busy.\n\nAn 'EMPLOYEES ONLY' door must have his office behind it. Technically you're an 'employee', at least for the night. You could [[head in there|Knock Knock]]?\n\nThough that tempting pint glass to [[calm your nerves|More Drink]] is just waiting to be ordered.

He laughed.\n\n"Since I was born i've been Rami. My father insisted on some Asian name as well, something to tell his family back home as I was growing. As I was growing up I became part of both. Rami was the tempered, calm and smart boy who pleased his family, whilst Frank was the opposite. I'm more Frank on stage, but up there, doing my act, I call myself Rami. Don't worry, if you're confused, it is just a stupid thing that was made up for me and that I had to deal with. And here I am talking about myself again, I must seem very self centered."\n\nHe is a bit, isn't he?\n\n"But no, i've been doing this for years really, this act. I assume tha'ts what you meant. Though, I kind of gave up a couple years back, I had a kid and all that comes with it. So everything's a bit rusty at the moment, this is more like a comeback to me. My act use to have me using a broken ukelele and acting very posh, but I've changed since then, so my act has as well. Actually i'm just letting most of it flow, i'll talk to the audience, make some jokes about the people in front and let that take me wherever it goes. It'll be alright. I tried it once on my family and friends and they loved it even when I insulted Aunt Mina, that was an awakward night."\n\nRami can really talk. He's not stopping. If everything else fails for him there'll be no awkward silence on stage, at least, since he'll be able to keep talking. He continues until he again realises how much he's been talking about himself. He asks if you [[need anything|Culture Club]].

"There's my little comedian" she grips you tightly around the shoulders, your face going straight into her chest. Breathing is difficult.\n\n"Nice one up there" your father says.\n\nYou escape her hold, "Thanks."\n\nYour mother wipes her eyes, "Did you see us out there? We were the ones always laughing near the back? It was very good. We're so proud of you."\n\n"No, the lights up there were blinding."\n\nYour father laughs, "She almost murdered the one man next to us who didn't laugh. Pair of bloody dagger eyes."\n\n"Oh shut up, Rodger, it wasn't that bad."\n\n"Well you were kicking him."\n\n"It wasn't a kick. It was a nudge. I was just so proud."\n\nShe says 'proud' again. Maybe it was all the paranoia earlier, but she doesn't feel like the same person. Maybe you should visit home more. You seem quite out of touch.\n\n"Mum, it's alright. Thanks. I think."\n\n"Look, I know this is a big night for you, and we're both so proud of you, but I know you don't want us bothering you all night. You go, have fun with your friends. We'll go home and see you on Sunday, alright. Go enjoy yourself, you deserve it."\n\n"It's alright, I don't-"\n\n"Shut up and listen to your mother. I'm tired and want to go home."\n\nYou know it’s a ploy so you’re not obligated to stay with them all night. Smiling, you hug and kiss them both, "Thanks."\n\nYou give them both a last wave as they walk through the front door, but they don't look back.\n\nGoing back to the bar and sitting yourself on one of the stools, you should be glad that you had your parents here to see you. Rarely can you show off how much you've grown since leaving home then in front of strangers. But even with all that growing, somehow you feel like it would've been even harder without them here.\n\n<<if $metFriends eq 1>>"Fancy meeting you here, stranger" says a voice.\n\nYou look and see Steph. She tackles you into a hug winding you. Women in your life don't seem to like you breathing.\n\n"Hey, darling."\n\n"Come on, the rest of us are over here."\n\nYou [[stroll over|Friendly Guidance]] to their table. All your friends are gathered around, some sitting, most hunching over to talk. When they notice you, they cheer and all of them greet you with hugs.\n<<else>>Midnight and things start winding down as people leave more and more. The once constant murmur of voices turns into quiet whispers. You recognise less people than before.\n\nCraig comes up to the bar next to you and orders something.\n\n"Hey," he says, "I’ve been meaning to talk to you all night. How you feeling?"\n\n1) "[[Good|Follow Craig]]. Everyone's been nice, haven't had many complaints. Yet."\n\n2) "Pretty much [[like my performance|Follow Craig]], if you know what I mean."<<endif>>

<<set $preparedness += 3>><<set $original =+ 1>>You've had a good night and feel a bit more confidence having performed in front of others. The ebbing flow of the audience and how they watch you is much easier to understand and react to.\n\nAlong with that, the feedback they've given and the new perspective on things have made things both seem tougher and easier at the same time. Now, at least, you'll be able to cope with the issues, rectify them and get this all done. That's still a lot of hope, but hope is better then what you had before.\n\nFor now, you spend the rest of your evening chatting and talking about anything else that isn't comedy. \n\nAs you're seeing them out, you're glad for the short time you had with your friends. You say goodbye and that you hope they all come to the real show.\n\n"I need someone to laugh at my jokes" you say.\n\nThey smile and leave. Ready and raring for the next task, you take a look at the next task from [[your list|First Draft]].

<<set $preparedness += 1>>“Confident. I like. You seem a bit different, even just how you hold yourself. Almost like your back is a bit straighter. You been going to the gym or something?”\n\nShe grabs your bicep, making ‘phwoar’ sounds and laughing to herself.\n\n“You’ll kill it out there. If not with jokes than with these.”\n\nYou chuckle, “I want to minimise the bloodshed, I hear its murder to get it out of your clothes.”\n\n“Oh that one was so terrible it was good.”\n\nWith grinning eyes, Vicky swiftly snaps into [[action|I’ll Be There]].

<<set $preparedness += 1>>She's giggling.\n\n"Good. I was hoping I made some sough of impact on you, apart from being a drunk bargaining for wine."\n\nYou nod. "You're much more to me than that."\n\n"Good. I'm also glad you've got a sharp memory, it'll help you survive being on stage. I tell you, my first time up there, I forgot to correct a joke when I said it wrong. And things went..."\n\nVicky raises a finger and drags it across her throat, making a low gargling sound.\n\n"Not so good. Thank god Craig understood, otherwise I never would've had another chance up there. Not because he wouldn't let me on again, but because I felt terrible after doing it, I wanted to leave."\n\n"I'm glad you're still here" you say.\n\n"Yeah, you and me both" she giggles, "oh don't start. For one minute I thought you cared about me, then I realised you're just trying to use my expertise for all I’m worth, you hustler."\n\nShe lightly slaps your elbow.\n\n"[[How's it been|Dude How]] writing your routine, though?"

<<set $original += 1>><<set $preparedness +1>>You zip it up, hiding the contents and taking your sight away from the bag for the last time. It's not worth taking the risk, to steal acts from a comedian at a club you'll play at. Someone will know. And worse, you'll know you've done it, how could you steal someone's material like this?\n\nYou let the thoughts leave you and continue to watch, enjoying yourself but also keeping your mind open to ideas to use later. After her act, and the clapping, and the one wolf whistling at the back, the room finally empties as everyone moves back to the bar.\n\nYou follow on, listening to the chattering praise of the act coming from the couple in front. Downstairs, the crowd builds up, bigger than the one for the show. The regulars and comedy patrons begin mixing together. It's difficult [[looking for Vicky|To The Bar]] among them all.

“Regardless to how you’ve felt writing and practicing your material, and even how you feel now, that could all change when you get up there. If it all becomes a bit too much and you need to focus, just know to look over at me, watch me and do your act, sir, yes sir.”\n\nShe salutes you.\n\n“Why are you helping me so much, Vicky? Not that I’m complaining, just why me?”\n\n“I would’ve killed to have a friend my first time up. A safe spot in my act where I could look and have a bit of confidence. So you’re stuck with me.”\n\nA friend. “The more friends the merrier,” Vicky nods, “but no, really thanks Vicky, this means a lot to me. I feel like I can steel myself for the rest of the night now.”\n\n“Sure, any worries just look for me. I’ll be there.”\n\nShe leans over for a quick hug, forcing your arms out of the way. She then lets go to stand.\n\n“Now that the mushy stuff’s out of the way, I’m going to find Craig to come get you off your lazy fucking butt so you can get on stage and join the rest of us stand-ups as failures of life.”\n\n“So membership is all about looking like tit on stage? I think I can do that\n\n“Them’s the brakes, kid. Good luck. Knock em dead before they do the same to you.”\n\nAs you turn to thank her once more, already Vicky has left you, alone. [[Your last moments|You're On]] in the dressing are spent remembering the first time you saw her act here at the comedy club. Her stance, her jokes about relationships and family and how she said goodbye to the audience, with all that cheering. You start wondering if you can see yourself in her shoes.

<<set $speakRami = 1>><<if $original gte 1>>Rami opens his arms wide and chuckles as he goes in for the bear hug, causing you to lose your breath.\n\n“You blighter, congrats. You’ve done it, your own stand-up. <<if $preparedness gte 3>> Nice jokes too, can see you’ve put some effort in, especially the one about your mother, just great, I can completely sympathise<<else>>Sure, you could use a bit of work, it’s rough. But I like that, utter raw potential, were you’re just starting off,<<endif>> like no other.”\n\nYou push at him to gain some air. “Thanks” you gasp. He finally lets you go, thank god.\n\n“I’m up next, by the way, so I’ll cut this short but it’s really good seeing another fresh comic up there.”\n\n“But there are loads of other new guys up there.”\n\n“That’s true, but none of them came to me for advice. I made you a success.”\n\nYou laugh at him. “Yeah Rami, everything on stage I owe to you. I’ll put you in my acceptance speeches from now on something.”\n\n“Fame and recognition is all I ask for,” Rami grips your shoulder, “Well goodbye my friend, see you around I hope.”\n\n“You too.”\n\nHe walks off to stand by the door, waiting for his time to run.\n\n<<if $speakCalli eq 1>>You go back to the comedian's corner of the room, taking a seat. Everyone around you is already speaking between themselves. Your moment in the spotlight has died down, gone, as Derrick performs on stage. It wasn't even 15 minutes of fame, more like 8. How can you accept that? You were on the biggest high you've ever been on, the control, the attention was all on you. And you’ve given that up to sit in the corner of a club, by yourself as everyone else is having a good time. Fuck, how are you dealing with that?\n\nLet's try and distract you for now. Check your phone, see if you've [[got any texts|Texting]].\n<<else>>“Hey you,” comes a voice [[behind you|Callista Talks]]. You turn to find Callista beaming at you.<<endif>><<else>>”Mate, that was… really not cool” he says, shaking his head, staring right at you.\n<<if $speakCalli eq 1>>You try to avoid his gaze as your breathe becomes heavier.\n\n“Calli was telling me why people were giving me these evil eyes.”\n\n“Then you know the one thing you should never do as a comic. And you did it, right there, tonight.”\n\n“It was just a slip up, I didn’t-“\n<<else>>You blink, ”What? Why’s everyone giving me these evil eyes?”\n“Mate, you’ve done the one thing no good, decent comic does. You stole another’s jokes.”\n\nYou avoid his gaze and breathe harder.\n\n“Did I? I didn’t notice-“<<endif>>\n\n“Don’t deny it, mate. For fuck sake, at least respect us in this way, we all know our jobs and our jokes. We know when we’ve heard that stuff before. It’s not like you were subtle about it either, it was word for word. Did you literally just write it down when you saw it and thought ‘oh that’ll be good to use’ or something?”\n\nI guess whilst you were trying to get inspired whilst writing your act, the jokes just slipped through.\n\n“You really fucked with Vicky especially. She thought you were the best newcomer here. Must have left midway through your act.”\n\nLooking about you realise she’s no longer around. Rami’s nose flares.\n\n“I’m on next and I’ve said what I wanted. I’ll see you about.”\n\nWhat do you say to that?\n\n1)\t“I’m [[sorry|Sorry Rami]].”\n2)\t[[Let him go|Leave Rami]].<<endif>>

Size doesn't matter, it seems. You decide to invite just Stephanie, Mohammed, and Callista, your old friends from way back at school. They know you best and you hope that'll give them an edge over everyone else. They're just the right amount of funny and serious, and most importantly, they're very verbal about what they like and don't.\n\nSteph, as usual, is the first back.\n\n//Hey babez, sounds like fun, i'll be there after Uni endz. Hope bus on time, will be there! : D <3//\n\nThat's one confirmed, thankfully. And soon after another text comes in.\n\n//If you get me dinner.//\n\nBrief as always. I's a yes. Mo always knows I leave leftovers. Two down.\n\nYou thank Steph and Mo, when your phone vibrates with a new message.\n\n//Can't, late shift at work all week. I'm here right now. Kinda had to since my boss is in hospital. Nothing major, text you more some other time. Back to work. Best of luck with the secret! xxx//\n\nYou thank Calli anyway and hope to see her soon. A shame but you've [[got an audience|Dinner Time]]. Your first, your friends. Hope neither of them heckle much.

You're in your dressing room. Yes, YOUR dressing room. Finally moving up in the world, aren't we? Smile if you want to, now’s the best time. Sure, it might be filled with a few other people, but now you are on the ladder to being taken a bit more seriously. Smile.\n\nLooking around the room, you see only a few of the same people left over from when you peeked in earlier. Some are just staff like the barmaid from downstairs collecting glasses, taking orders, but the rest are the comedians on stage tonight. You can tell just by their faces, covered in sweat or horror. Anyone of them could have some advice for when you finally get up there.\n\n<<if $silverBear eq 0>>The closest is a rotund man with stubble and thinning metallic hair. He's necking the last of his pint before placing it next to a row of empty ones.\nDo you want to [[approach him|Silver Bear]]?<<endif>>\n\n<<if $rainbowGirl eq 0>>You see, hiding in a quiet corner, a woman with her back turned to you. You catch sight of her long hair. It's a rainbow of colour, perfectly aligned in shades from red up to purple, and you can't help but stare. She’s holding a guitar and trying to tune it in.\nDo you want to [[approach her|Rainbow Girl]]?<<endif>>\n\n<<if $asianGuy eq 0>>The last person you see (well, whose not busy) is a dark skinned guy in a light grey suit. He's thin, with wide eyes and slanted eyebrows. He's using a marker pen to write on his hand.\nDo you want to [[approach him|Asian Guy]]?<<endif>>

After scribbling your choice down, Craig thanks you, taking back his pen and paper. Looking at your writing, he nods.\n\n"Right. Well this is where you'll sit with your other performers between acts. Just take a seat, as you can see the bars just there if you want anything. Non-alcoholic drinks will be free to you before the act, then it closes till the interval."\n\nYou wave to Calli sitting near the back, as she's listening to Rami. She turns to give you a smile before going back to him.\n\n"Right, well see you up there, friend. I'm sure you'll make a killing out there. Good luck."\n\nYou thank Craig and give him another handshake.\n\n"I'm off to heat them up."\n\nHe walks off to the stage and you watch as the [[warm up begins|Craig Up]].

Because here it is, the results of your preparation in hand. \n\n<<if $preparedness gte 3>><<if $drownedBook eq 1>>A crisp and clean notebook, brimming with jokes and ideas. Usually notebooks are rougher than this, then again they aren't usually taken to pubs where people can drown them in water, hmmm?<<else>>A ruffled, tea-stained notebook of ideas. The rough condition shows off how much work you've put into it, dragging it everywhere with you for whenever it was needed.<<endif>>\nIt contains observations you found funny, someone liners and a handful of doodles you did whilst uninspired and lazy. Actually, it looks more like a twelve year-old’s Math book with all the scribbles.\n\nYou're strangely proud of yourself. Good on you chap and all that crap, but these are just the ideas for jokes, not actual jokes themselves. Sorry, I can't coddle you here, since there's still a long way to go. <<else>><<if $drownedBook eq 1>>A crisp and clean notebook, brimming with jokes and ideas. Usually notebooks are rougher than this, then again they aren't usually taken to pubs where people can drown them in water, hmmm?<<else>>A ruffled, tea-stained notebook of ideas. The rough condition conceals just how little it's been used. You may have dragged it around a lot of places, you didn't add much to it.<<endif>>\nIt contains more blank pages than I would've liked, but I suppose that's not a problem. Your jokes will be all that matters in the end, not if you've documented your ideas. Still, I’ll give you credit for the doodles you've made on the cover. I love fire-breathing robots and ponies.\n\nYou should still be proud you made it this far, good on you chap and all that crap. I won't lie though, it doesn't get easier from here. You've been working at ideas for jokes, not actual jokes themselves.<<endif>>\n\nThis next stage can be the toughest for new comics like yourself. This is when you make a full and proper routine. It's a lot of work, most of it will be lonely, isolating. For days, weeks, you'll be thinking of only jokes, of what's funny, if this or that is good enough, if you can do it at all, if there's a way to improve that one joke at the end, and the suddenly think that's a good joke, I need a pen, where's a pen, as you struggle to keep the joke in your thoughts before it's gone, where's that damn pen? You'll want to break down and cry at least once, believing you can't do this, how you don't want to be laughed at or ridiculed. You'll have to sit by yourself and write and not give into those thoughts hovering like vultures waiting for you to collapse. Even then, most of that writing will require you to look inward, inside yourself for inspiration, to reflect, to think. You'll look to the darkest parts of your thoughts and the grimmest days in your life for things to laugh at. You'll remember all the times you failed, all the times you were hurt. You'll get desperate, want to give up on the whole thing, because you believe you're not good enough. And the feeling will never, ever end.\n\nStill, try to keep smiling though, eh mate? \n\nOk, I admit I may have gone a bit too far. I just don't want to lie to you about how bad it can get for some comedians. Relax, keep your chin up and [[I'll explain|Explaining The Process]] what you'll have to do next.

"Ah, well, that's fine, but this'll be quite new to you then. Still, you must have watched some actors, be it'll really be nothing like what they do. Actors can go on with their performance whether their acting is crap or not, but stand-up, mate..."\n\nHe leans back in his chair and exhales. Craig begins tapping his pen.\n\n"If no one laughs, claps, cheers or just reacts to your act, that's fucking terrible. You're dead in the water and the hecklers are hunting you out for any weakness. You're there to shake them up, to beat at that funny bone till they die of laughter. And if they don't die, you will."\n\nCraig looks over at you. Well, he's just full of rainbows and sunshine, eh? Right now, you're not sure if you've shit yourself or if you’re imagining it.\n\nHe begins to laugh.\n\n"Your face, I swear. Funniest thing I’ve seen. Don't worry, I’m sure you're fine. Put that aside for now, and let's get on with the [[next question|Number 2]] quick."

You sit at a dressing table with a wide mirror above it, one you'd imagine a B-movie actor might have in their dressing room. A bit cheap but it gets the job done.\n\nStaring into it, you see yourself there. Your eyes catching your own.\n\n//This is it.//\n\nEverything you've been working towards is finally coming to a head. Before delving into your thoughts more, your mobile begins to vibrate.\n\nYou have texts.\n\n<<if $mumCall eq 1>>>>One from your mother pops up. She's here already, sitting somewhere in the middle of the room you'll perform in with your father. Before the obligatory complaint about the room, she wishes you luck and adds several Xs to the end.<<else>>It's your mother. She's wishing you good luck for tonight. She also wishes she could've been there and ends it with a kiss.\nYou notice, for once, that she's not complaining at you.<<endif>>\n<<if $meetFriends eq 1>>Another one comes in from Steph. She says that she’s, Mo and the rest of your friends are about to leave to get to your gig. They're not sure if they'll see you before the act and wish you all the best anyway.<<endif>>\n<<if $metVicky eq 1>>You put your phone down and look again in the mirror. You begin rehearsing to yourself, watching your face change its shape. In the corner of the mirror, your eye catches the door behind opening. Vicky, one of the comics who appeared last time you visited The Funny Bone, appears from the door. [[She notices you|Vicky's Back]] in the mirror and begins to wave whilst approaching.<<else>>You put your phone down and look again in the mirror. In it, you see the door open behind you. Craig appears and begins to speak to Derrick, laughing with each other before Derrick waves and exits through the door. Craig does this with the rest of the acts still in the dressing room until he [[gets to you|You're On]].<<endif>>

"Aw'ight there? What's with da book?" says one of them.\n\nExplaining your stand-up intentions gets them all worked up, snorting harder. We all chat, but as they stink of Guinness and vomit, it's hard to stomach being around them. How did they even get past the bouncers like this? The biggest one, with a studded nose and spikey hair, tells an old knock-knock joke. One of those you knew when you were ten years old, you know the type. It's decent, but the way his friends reacted made it seem like it was the funniest shit they'd ever heard.\n\n"Eh, eh!" he taps your shoulder, though you're looking right at him, "ya can use that one in yar act, for free, if ya like."\n\nIt's at this point when I realise I've had enough of this evening. I begin to say my goodbyes.\n\n"Are you off too?" I ask.\n\nI see you leaning on the bar, puckering your lips and staring upward. \n\nOoo, let me narrate your thoughts for you here!\n\n//Hmm, should I [[stay a while longer|Stranger Danger]] to have some laughs and funs with these strangers I've just met and leave my bestest of friends alone to walk home? I could, I believe I deserve to get more drunk tonight then I already am.//\n\nYou nod your head from side to side.\n\n//Then again, my magnificent, beautiful friend here is leaving and [[getting an early night|No Trouble]] to prep for the next day might be best for me. It would be hard to resist walking home with such a delightful creature.//\n\nYou know what mate, I do like the way you think sometimes.

Craig begins.\n\n"We have an offer for you. Kind of. See we want to offer you a chance at maybe more of what you did today, give you advice, send you on your way, help you out." \n\n"Wait, why me? I wasn't that good out there."\n\n"We both saw big potetial in you. Even before you got up on stage. Though there wasn't much point in discussing it until you performed, got you out there and took the plunge. Needed to test you, after all."\n\nIt seems strange. A few hours back you were on stage trying to prove to yourself and others that you could make it as a stand-up comedian. And now, you're being offered the chance to continue forward and do better.\n\n"So, considering what you've done to prepare, from what we saw on stage and everything in between, still interested in hearing us out?"\n\nLooking between the both of them, they're eager to hear your answer.\n\nWell, I suppose this is it, player. All the choices you've made have led to this outcome. It seems a shame to say goodbye, but it has been a pleasure. Especially if you've read this far.\n\nAnyway, I won't delay you any longer. Let's see how you've shaped your character and what they'll decide.\n\n<<if $original gte 1>><<if $theAct gte 4>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 1]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $original gte 1>><<if $theAct eq 3>>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 2]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $original gte 1>><<if $theAct eq 2>>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 2]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $original gte 1>><<if $theAct lte 1>>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 3]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $original lte 0>><<if $theAct gte 4>>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 4]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $original lte 0>><<if $theAct eq 3>>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 5]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $original lte 0>><<if $theAct eq 2>>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 5]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $original lte 0>><<if $theAct lte 1>>>Welcome to [[your ending|Ending 6]]. I wish it was a bit more jazzed up than this, but oh well, some writing will do.<<endif>><<endif>>

Craig passes you with a smile and a nod, he says something but it's all blocked still.\n\nYour pace is quickening, almost galloping, as if the stage is your life line and not your biggest fear right now.\n\nThere are so many.\n\nYou see faces turning to look up at you, their hands together, their joker grins twisting into view. \n\nThere are so, so, so many.\n\nA step up and you’re on the platform. In its centre lay the brightly lit mic stand. Shuffle, shuffle, awkwardly moving onto\n\nYou realise, you're[[up there|Up There]], on the stage. \n\nThe only one.

<<set $theAct -= 1>><<set $confrontHeckler += 1>>"Yes, you're right" you start speaking in the voice's general direction, "and who do you think gave them their jokes? None of these TV comedians write their own jokes anymore you know. It’s the ones behind the scenes. It’s people like me that make you laugh when you’re at home, making the stars seem witty. It’s me, the real comic."\n\nThe crowd are nodding, quietly agreeing on your every word. A couple even clap, these people must be very drunk.\n\nYour fellow comics in the back are just stunned. Gritted teeth and bulbous eyes just looking at you. Have you just pissed them off?\n\n"Now if you don't mind, my friend, I want to [[get back to what I was doing|Rundown]]. See, this stage means I’ve got a job to do. I'm sure you understand."\n\nThe front row chuckle and smile.

<<set $wineO += 1>>"A pint of... that" you point at a bottle behin him, "please."\n\nHe nods, leaving to fill open the bottle, handing you it and a glass.\n\n"Cheers."\n\nSipping at it, you feel the dryness in your mouth drowned out. You don't finish the whole thing, as much as you want some more. You're keeping it for when you need it. A tap on your shoulder wakes you up.\n\n"You ready?" a voice says, "You're on next."\n\nOh god, quick, get to the doorway. Were you not paying attention? Move to the doorway now.\n\n"Thank you" you say before moving.\n\nRight, whoever this is on stage at the moment, they're not doing too well. Actually, it's fairly shit. They've dropped the ball, it's your chance to pick up where they left off.\n\n[[Ready|On The Edge]]?

<<set $talkingMirror = 1>>You think to yourself, 'This is good, you can testing the jokes out on the mirror, get some feedback of your own and go from there...'\n\nYeah, you're not convincing anyone this is a good idea. Even I didn't get this desperate when doing my stand-up. Still worth a try I suppose. It's your choice.\n\nStanding in front of your full length mirror, you begin. It goes fine. Were you expecting more? You just see yourself standing there, saying the words, smiling more so when you think they should laugh, stuff you've seen real comics do.<<if $doubled eq 1>>Midway through, you only now remember that you'll be using a microphone on the night. You pick up a brush from the floor and hold it to your mouth.\n\nYou consider starting over but no, no, just get on with it. Get this done. You won't have the chance in front of real people.<<endif>>\n\nYou start enjoying yourself a bit more, letting the act take you along. And then you're done. Surprisingly quick, but it's actually gone over your allotted time. You thought it'd be under. If nothing else, that's good, easier to cut down and act than add more.\n\nYou could try it [[once more|One More Time]]. But it's probably not worth anymore of your time and just getting back to the [[next preparation|First Draft]] activity.

He chuckles.\n\n"The better question is always how long have I not been doing this? It's been over half my life now since I started on the circuit. Ya know, the amount of things that change in this business is mental. I remember when repeating good jokes for years made people laugh. Hell, I remember when more people laughed. Not as many people come around a comedy club anymore. And the smoking! When people smoked it really helped new acts, because all that smoke hanging above tables made it harder to see reactions, it all had to be by sound. And when ya can't see those judging eyes, by God it was helpful."\n\nI feel like I’m writing this guy to be a stereotypical old person who goes on and on about the old days. But he's really like this. Seriously.\n\n"The stage likes were fog horns for drunkards to look at the stage and notice the stand up."\n\nYou're nodding along, distracted by your thoughts of how old Derrick is if he's been performing over half his life.\n\n//40 would mean he started at 19 or younger, seems a bit unlikely. 50 would mean 25 or younger, which seems more reasonable, so to cut to the middle he's somewhere in his late 40s then...//\n\nDerrick's laughing to himself. "Am I right?" he says nudging your shoulder. You agree with a grin. Whatever that was.\n\n"So was there [[anything else|Old School]] ya wanted?" he asks.

<<set $watchDVDs = 1>>Now this is a modern choice (if you don't consider Netflix). Instead of watching a real comedian live on stage with the rest of an audience, you can instead do it all alone in your room. In your pants. Laughing to yourself. Hmm, I think this is how serial killers start off. Then again, some comedians are very unhinged.\n\nYou use to have shelves full of comedy DVDs when you lived with your parents. Like many other non-essential things, they didn't make the cut to travel with you into your apartment. If you had a car right now, you might've gone home to get them.\nInstead, you pick some up from the local supermarket. 'Two for one deals' and '50% off' stickers litter the box covers. They all show a bunch of different, smiling, close ups of the funny people, with witty one liners from their tour or newspaper tag line.\n\nYou could be up there one day, smiling, with a reviewer describing you as 'a genius'. Whilst walking up the aisle, you realise that's both an incredibly hopeful future, as well as a disappointing one.\n\n//Yeah, great acheievement, you can release a DVD reduced to half-price within a week of release. That'll show Mum and Dad I've made it.//\n\nBuying a selection of DVDs, you head home to get [[this research started|A Night In]]. And have some fun. Why not enjoy your work, eh?

<<set $drownedBook = 1>>"Another drink!" I hear you shout to the barkeep as I leave.\n\nAfter you down said drink, you talk to the bulls sitting and tell them more about your stand-up routine. Which should really be the lack of one, but you lie since it seems to make them happier. They attempt to 'help' you, offering even older, more underwhelming jokes than that knock-knock one. You still laugh.\n\nSoon, the call of nature beckons. As you walk off, you realise you're leaving your book behind.\n\nDo you really trust these guys with your notes?\n\n//[[Of course|Stolen Pad]] you trust them, they're good guys just trying to help you with your jokes. But wait, [[hell no|Toilet Pad]] do you trust some drunks in a bar with your future. Oh I wish I had gone with my friend, they'd know what to do, they're so smart.//\n\nYou're kind to think that of me (heh), but regardless, what are you going to do?

"This is more of a warning or a concern than a question, but we at The Funny Bone wanted to address it now. Hecklers. They're a nightmare for new acts, and we ask our audiences on these nights to avoid doing it. But one drunk bastard or grumpy git will always ruin a good evening."\n\nYou never thought about hecklers.\n\n//Shit. I can probably take not laughing, not enjoying my jokes and judging me for it. But insulting me, shouting. Shit.//\n\n"Do you think you could handle them?\n\nOut of your thoughts, you begin to think of how to answer:\n\n1) "Sure I [[suppose|Suppose]]."\n2) "We'll [[have to see|See To Believe]]."\n3) "Would it even make a difference if I answered [[either way|Either Way]]?"\n<<if $preparedness gte 7>>4) "I'm not that worried, i've prepared my act. [[I'm ready for anything|Good Attitude]]."<<endif>>\n

<<if $confidence eq 1>>You awake in your bed, the air light and still as your body feels surprisingly fresh. Time has skipped ahead of you, and tonight is when you'll perform your stand-up performance.<<else>>You awake in your bed, the air hot and heavy. Rolling about, you realise your bed sheets are covered in sweat stains. Time has skipped ahead of you, and tonight is when you'll perform stand-up performance.<<endif>>\n<<if $preparedness gte 5>>You feel glad to have prepped yourself as best you can. It doesn't make you any less scared, but it doesn't really matter.<<else>>Questions of if you're prepped enough start to rock you. It doesn't matter much now, but the thoughts don't just stop.<<endif>>\n\nUnsurprisingly, your worries begin to intensify when your parents turn up again. Though this time, [[they're real|Parents Phone]].

<<set $rainbowGirl = 1>><<set $metAll += 1>>You approach the girl with the rainbow hair.\n\n"Excuse me" you say. She turns around. You know her. "Calli?"\n\nA large grin grows on her face, the ends of it almost touching her curved eyes.\n\n"Oh my god!" she goes in to hug you, and you do the same.\n\nIt's been years since you last saw Callista. Not since the end of school, and she was definitely a brunette then. You had both promised to stay in touch, but things went on and it never seemed to work out. Work, relationships and life got in the way.\n\n"Damn, you've changed" you say, looking her up and down. "That hair alone is just, wow. Fantastic. It must take hours."\n\nShe smiles again. You always loved her smile, with her front teeth gleaming aginst her darker skin.\n\n"Cheers" she says, "You've not, changed I mean. You look good. And you're performing tonight as well?"\n\n"Oh yeah, I almsot forgot I was doing that when I saw you. Yeah, it kind of jsut happened really, but I really wanted to try this and, well, here I am."\n\n"Right, exactly. I'd been feeling the same way."\n\nYou [[point at the guitar|Grand Guitar]] strapped around her shoulder.

Congrats, my friend! You've passed the first goalpost. What do you want to do next? Run a marathon, fight wild bears, end world hunger and cure cancer? You’re unbeatable, the best around and you’re going to let the world know it!\n\nThey’re going to love you.\n\nHours pass since we parted ways. Having dragged yourself home, you begin to bite into that job-well-done chocolate bar for having signed up. Just over halfway chewing through it the alcohol finally begins wearing off. Reality and sobriety come knocking, the sweat hitting your brow.\n\n//You idiot, what the fuck were you thinking? People haven’t laughed at your jokes before, ever. You can't do this, comedians are better than you, you delusional idiot. Who’s going to pay to look at you, listen to you? Just call the pub, say you can’t make it, yeah, it’d be better for everyone then have to suffer for it later.//\n\nListening to your thoughts, you start to [[dial in the club's number to cancel|Give Up]]. \n\nWhat else is there to do?\n\nYour parents start whispering again.\n\n//[[Just give it up|Give Up]]\t...\t...\t...\t[[You’re worthless|Give Up]] ... ... ... ... ... ...\n...\t...\t... [[You’re not funny|Give Up]] ... [[no one laughs WITH you|Give Up]]\t...\n...\t[[You’re shit and could never be any good|Give Up]] ... ... ... ...//\n\nYet... beyond your parent's shouting, beyond the doubt, there's something there, something that tells you this whole stand-up thing makes sense. And maybe that’s enough for you to [[put the phone down|Ready?]].

"Alright there, friend?" he pats your shoulders. "We're starting any moment. I thought you might want to see the rest of the acts performing when you're not on. We've got a seating area right at the back, if you're ready?"\n\nYou take another look back in the mirror before turning away.\n\n"Yeah, ok, I'm ready."\n\n"Good, my friend. Let's go, [[follow me|Hallway]]."\n\nCraig holds the door open for you.

The manager scoots you around the place, giving the quickest tour possible.\n\n"You'll perform on the second floor, the stage is all set up, there's a bar there too, at the back of the room. You’ve been her before right? Here's where you'll get ready with the others."\n\nHe stopped to point through into one of the rooms. Inside, you peek in on and see half or dozen or so people. They range from old to young, long hair to bald and many \n\n"Some are new, like you, others are experienced, long timers, old timers. Collectively they’ve got a lot of skill. Come on, you can talk to them later."\n\nHe moves your shoulder and pushes you further on.\n\n"The main bar and restaurant are through there and so on, but you don't have to worry about them. My office is ahead."\n\nHe takes out a key and [[unlocks the door|Manager's Office]].

<<set $competence += 1>>"So, just to say something which I presume you probably know but isn't a big deal, is that you'll be using a mic during your stand up. It'll be at the centre of the stage, on its stand, and its wireless, so you can pick it up and put it down as much as you like, so on and so forth."\n\nYou nod your head along.\n\n"If your act involves a lot of moving or hand gestures, keep in mind where it is at all times. Remember, put the stand and the mic back where you found it when you’re done. It's a bit of courtesy to the guys coming on after you."\n\nYou’re hoping you can remember everything you'll need to do in the heat of the moment. I’m not gonna be up there with you.\n\n"So my actual question after all this is, how's your mic technique?"\n\n1) "[[Fine|A-OK]], I guess. How hard can it be?"\n2) "Well, I’m a [[bit clumsy|Oops]] but I'll do my best."\n<<if $double eq 1>>3) "I presumed I'd have to do something like this. I've [[practiced|Prep Answer]] a bit at home using a hair brush and a TV remote, that sort of thing."<<endif>>

<<set $theAct -= 2>>You try hard but you can feel it in your throat. A cough, a stumble, you keep your neck in the air. It echoes through the speakers. The audience look at each other and back at you, a low murmur of questions and pointed eyes. Craig's standing ready to move forward to the stage.\n\nBut you place a finger up to hold him back. And I don't mean a middle finger. A painful sharp couple of gulps later and you are able to breath.\n\n"Sorry... I'm sorry about that ladies and... gents" you gasp a few breaths where you can, "would be... me."\n\nHow embarrassing you must feel. I've actually seen this happen to another comedian on stage. He was drinking most the night, totally pissed up when doing his acted when he actually vomited into his own glass. Didn’t stop him, he kept performing. I’m not sure if the rest of audience noticed. He was on his personal tour though, it wasn't his first gig, like you.\n\nAnyway, that's it, it's time to get out of here before you have a chance to fuck up anymore. Say goodbye, [[get off|Goodnight]] and go home. You're drunk.

"Well I understand, it happens to all comics at the start. A mix of adrenaline and fear really makes you go up and down with your emotions. But I hope you know this'll be nothing like that. With acting, you can go on with your performance whether your acting is crap or not, but stand-up, mate."\n\nHe leans back in his chair and exhales, beginning to tap his pen against the leg.\n\n"If no one laughs, claps, cheers or just reacts to your act, that's fucking terrible. You're dead in the water and the hecklers are hunting you out for any weakness. You're there to shake them up, to beat at that funny bone till they die of laughter. And if they don't die, you will."\n\nCraig looks over at you. Well, he's just full of rainbows and sunshine, eh? Right now, you're not sure if you've shit yourself or if you’re imagining it.\n\nHe begins to laugh.\n\n"Your face, I swear. Funniest thing i've seen. Don't worry, I’m sure you're fine. Put that aside for now, and let's get on with the [[next question|Number 2]] quick."

He shakes his head and chuckles.\n\n"Save the comedy for later. I mean it, have you done anything like this before?"\n\nWere you being serios? He seems to think so. \n\nYou could laugh with him, and give [[another answer|Re-Answer]].\n\nBut, really, you could [[correct him|Mean It]].

After scribbling your choice down, Craig thanks you, taking back his pen and paper. Looking at your writing, he nods.\n\n"Right. Well this is where you'll sit with your other performers between acts. Just take a seat, as you can see the bars just there if you want anything. Non-alcoholic drinks will be free to you before the act, then it closes till the interval."\n\nYou wave to Calli sitting near the back, as she's listening to Rami. She turns to give you a smile before going back to him.\n\n"Right, well see you up there, friend. I'm sure you'll make a killing out there. Good luck."\n\nYou thank Craig and give him another handshake.\n\n"I'm off to heat them up."\n\nHe walks off to the stage and you watch as the [[warm up begins|Craig Up]].

Walking to the main room, you can hear the patter of feet and rumbling, low voices building. That's your audience somewhere behind these walls, getting to their seats or drinks, talking about their day at work. You hope they'll like you.\n\n"I forgot from earlier, if you need the toilets, they're just through there. Better in there than on the stage. You'll need to be at this doorway when the act before you ends, and [I]'ll call your name which will mean you'll walk up onto the stage all la-di-da and begin."\n\nThe doorway he's talking about is the one at the back of the room, behind the rows of seats and the people on them. The centre is open for people to walk down. Before tonight when you’ve walked in this room it’s only ever been to find your seat. That was months back now, or maybe just feels like it.\n\n"Damn, I forgot from early about the stage name thing. Here, write down the name you want to use, it can be your real name or a made up one, whatever."\n\nHe hands you a pen and a piece of scrap paper. You lean it against the wall, and wonder what to write. You are tempted to use a [[fake name|Fake]], like an author or actor's name or something, but this really isn't anything crucial you need to worry about, you might as use your [[real name|Real]]. Then again, maybe you don't want people knowing you've done this if it all goes wrong.\n\nEither way, get on with it, Craig's waiting.

The line at the bar's short. I come back, handing you your drink.\n\n"That Vicky was alright up there, wasn't she?" I ask. You just nod, staring past.\n\n"She had this great energy, hey? Really knew how to hold the audience." You nod again.\n\n"And I couldn't believe she started her Miley Cyrus tribute act by actually coming in, fully naked, on a wrecking ball whereby she killed half the audience, right?" \n\nAgain, you just nod. I finally follow your gaze to find out what's so damn interesting. Plastered on the wall were posters advertising an open mic night here, at the 'The Funny Bone'.\n\nI can tell what you're thinking, but your eyes hang heavy and away from the posters.\n\nYou've given up already? I hope not, I didn't write this whole story for you to piss off a minute or so in. I'll have to do something about you. I slip away, returning soon after with a tray of drinks.\n\n"Come on, I've paid for them already, mate. Have a few, enjoy yourself." \nYou're too polite to say no as I keep throttling new glasses in front of your face. You lose count of how many I've passed over. \n\nThe second half just starts. A big older guy, with a bouncing belly, stands on stage shouting his jokes at us. With our swaying heads and stupid grins, we laugh harder than in the first half.\n\nThe gig winds down. Your mind's hazy, throat sore, a good night all in all. I drop a hint about the posters again. With a bit of persuading from me and plenty of vodka later, I dare you to [[sign yourself up|Sign Up]] for the open mic night. \n\nAnd you do.

Vicky steps up first, a veteran of the club already, she greets the audience and begins.\n\nJust like your last visit, she's practically flawless. The timing, the laughs, her body movement, her facial expressions, the pitch of her voice. She must have her routine etched on her heart and mind.\n\nVicky’s the warm up act, the professional intended to get the audience going. In a lot of ways its making you feel worse to see her doing so well. Because, very soon, you'll be doing her job, and you'll be expected to just as good. You've put a lot of trust in Craig and the order of the acts. Because you can only hope that Vicky won't over shadow the rest of you newbies.\n\nYour mouth begins to dry up. You hear the clinking of glasses from the bar nearby.\n\nWalking up, you signal to [[one of the bar staff|Drinks]] to get thier attention.

<<if $theAct gte 2>><<print either("<<set $theAct += 1>>Your act has been going really well, they’ve been loving your jokes so far and they're still getting them. You're doing something right to make them chuckle so much. Riding high on your material, you get the urge to do some [[improv with the audience|Improv]]. Pick out someone on the first row maybe, check them out and see who would be a good target. Or maybe you should [[stick to the script|Drink Dilemma]] you've made keep to your act flowing.", "Your act started off really well, they’ve been loving your jokes so far, but now, somehow they’re not getting it. The chuckling has lessened, only patches of drunks are laughing, even when you've not got to the punchline yet. Losing the nerve for your material, you get the urge to do some [[improv with the audience|Improv]]. Pick out someone on the first row maybe, check them out and see who would be a good target. Or maybe you should [[stick to the script|Drink Dilemma]] you've made keep to your act flowing.")>><<else>>\n<<print either("<<set $theAct += 1>>Your act started off going from bad, to worse. The small laughter you got was nearly gone, they must've hated your jokes. But now, for someone reason, they're starting to get it. Maybe they just needed to build a rapport, a trust with you before they could let themselves laugh. Or maybe the jokes you thought of on the spot were better than you could believe. It's funny like that. Riding high on your haphazard material, you get the urge to do some [[improv with the audience|Improv]]. Pick out someone on the first row maybe, check them out and see who would be a good target. Or maybe you should stick to the script you've made keep to your act flowing. Or at least [[what you can remember|Drink Dilemma]] of it. So many ‘ors’ and no river in site (ugh, ok that was bad but I’m trying here).", "Your acts starting to go from bad, to worse. The small laughter you've got so far is nearly gone, they must've hated your jokes so far and they're still not getting it. Losing all your nerve for your haphazard material, you get the urge to do some [[improv with the audience|Improv]]. Pick out someone on the first row maybe, check them out and see who would be a good target. Or maybe you should stick to the script you've made keep to your act flowing. Or at least [[what you can remember|Drink Dilemma]] of it. So many ‘ors’ and no river in site (ugh, ok that was bad but I’m trying here).")>><<endif>>\n\nWhat’ve you got to lose?

"I mean, you've got the most experience here."\n\nHe stops drinking. "You calling me old?"\n\nYou watch Derrick's gaze pour over you, allowing you to realise for a moment how quiet it is in the room. Apart from the low timber of music coming from somewhere else in the building, the room's almost silent. You look to see people watching you, staring at your numbness. Back at Derrick, you notice his baggy eyes and greasy cheeks, those loose lips and moustache drooping at you.\n\nThen he laughs.\n\nAnd all those around him start to join in. You're stuck there looking around for the joke. And you realise it's you. Derrick stops his laughing.\n\n"Learnt your lesson?"\n\n"What?"\n\n"Your lesson” he says, grinning like a know-it-all prick, “Not obvious enough? Come on."\n\nYou ponder it a bit but you’re just confused, so you shake your head. Derrick sighs.\n\n"I wanted to show you what it's like to be on stage when a joke fails. Everyone's around you on stage, even the ghosts on your back. You feel like everyone's against you when a joke goes flat and they're staring at you like you’ve done something awful to their mother. That's the worst point of the night, when you can't get people to laugh."\n\n"And why did you make me have to live it?"\n\n"To prepare you. The worst point in your night is over! That’s better than any 'advice' I could've given you. You can relax a bit more and have a drink."\n\nSomehow you doubt that. But you have to admire the effort, the small kindness and yet pure insanity of what Derrick's done. If anything, it's put you a bit more on edge.\n\n"Enough of that though, you wanted [[something else|Old School]]?"

"It's alright, I guess, for me anyway. It's different from what I’m used to, since you're trying to relax about the music and let yourself be silly about it. I don’t get to be silly much, it’s all work, work, work. For years I’ve had teachers who'd want perfection, but with doing comedy songs it's the opposite. It lets you experiment with yourself in really different ways, by just playing and building your act out of what you hear or notices."\n\nYou're nodding. "I've had similar experiences with my act. Just going out sometimes and listening to people and their stories makes you think how funny things are. Then you mould them into something that works, a joke that's funny."\n\nCalli's grinning as you talk. "Exactly, I wrote a few songs for tonight, simple stuff. The lyrics have been the toughest. It's not too hard to make a funny sound, I mean people laugh at random sounds babies do, and it’s no trouble. But making funny lyrics is nothing like the songs I’m use to writing. No rhyming at all, singing ability doesn't matter. It's all free form, all-"\n\nThe girl can talk. You remember that was a nervous tick sort of thing. Calli is prepared enough that she's ready to go out there, she’s confident even when she gets nervous. Maybe you feel the same. I don't know, your choices so far might have been really bad. Still, tonight's decisions are really going to decide how well your act goes. If you learn to have a bit of confidence in your act, like Calli, things will turn out alright.\n\nYou discuss for a little bit longer about her performance before coming to a mutual silence. You can still talk to her about [[other stuff|Grand Guitar]] you have on your mind.

Wow, are you really worried about that right now? Relax, don’t worry about it. Derrick keeps his smile beaming regardless.\n\n"First time, I'm guessing? Repeating that act of yas in ya head? Ha, we all go through it."\n\nHe picks up his pint, sipping the head off.\n\n"I've been doing this so long I can recite any part of my routine here and now. Even got dared to do it backwards at one gig. Now that was tough, I was half pissed, my girl had left me and it was an open bar for a wedding... or a bar mitzvah, but it all worked out."\n\nYou watch as his large belly flies about, the polo shirt curving over and flapping at its ends. Since Derrick has the most experience of all the acts on tonight, he might be your best bet for information.\n\n1) "So [[how long|Silver Bear - Experience]] exactly have you been doing this?"\n2) "Got any [[advice?|Silver Bear - Advice]]"\n3) "Nice chatting to you, [[Derrick.|Silver Bear - Farewell]]"

"Exaggerate. For centuries the jester character type has entertained everyone form Kings and Queens to us, the peasants. And we've laughed our arses off at them. You need to be the jester. Use your body like a doll, make funny movements or faces."\n\nRami shoves his lower lip up, almost touching his nose, his eye near to bulging as his ears flap. You giggle, the stupid face hitting childish nerves.\n\n"See?" he smiles "It's easy if you look like an idiot, they laugh at you. I don't know why they love it, but they do, whether it's something deep in us or something stupid, it doesn't matter, let the intellectuals worry about that stuff. We're here doing the job."\n\nIt's true, many of the biggest comedians you've seen do something physical, whether it's just a face or a shrug or anything that would seem silly. Worth remembering, regardless.\n\n"Just do a silly walk or something if you can work it in, they'll love it. [[Anything else|Culture Club]] I can help with my friend?"

<<set $stephDrink = 1>>"What about a drink?" you ask, "Saying that, I probably only have tap water at the moment. Sorry about that."\n\n"Oh no, that's just fine. I've been gasping for a drink all afternoon, water sounds perfect." Steph smiles.\n\nAfter filling a glass and handing it her, you guide Steph to the sofa and sit her next to Mo, who both hug. Or more, she hugged him and he responded, eventually.\n\n"So what are we here for exactly?" Mo asks. Both of them are looking at you.\n\n"I suppose there's no point waiting." you begin, "The reason I called you both is simple. I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. And, for tonight only, [[you're my audience|Living Room Stage]]!"

"It can be hard. Don't doubt that. I've seen some people throw their mics at the audience before by accident."\n\n"How did they do that?"\n\nHe shrugs. "I wonder the same. But a good mic technique can help, if only so you don't have an accident yourself. But nothing can be done about it, I suppose. Though let me give you a bit of advice, anything can help."\n\nHe writes something down as you nod. "Go get a decent volume on the mic, without it going to loud or quiet, just keep it resting on your chin. You'll be fine. Oh, and try not to walk close to the speakers. The feedback screams into your skull, and people don't laugh in pain. This should hopefully help your... inexperience."\n\nI hope you're remembering all this crap. I've forgotten most of it already.\n\nOnce more, he scratches something down on his pad before [[looking back up|Number 3]] at you.

“Fear never really leaves, I get that. Like I told you, it can help you, even on the night. And I’m glad it’s gone well. This is the last hurdle on your run. Don’t stumble or fuck up, pretty please?”\n\n“I’ll try not to, for you at least, Vicky.”\n\n“You’re a darling do you know that? A gem, if a slightly scruffy one.”\n\n“Hey, I’m trying to look my best tonight.”\n\n“Well, if at first you don’t succeed,” she tries reshaping your hair, tucking it behind your ears, ruffling it into place, “try, try again.”\n\nWith grinning eyes, Vicky swiftly [[moves on|I’ll Be There]].

You press play. \n\nLaugh after laugh erupts for the next few hours, from the audience, and you. The recordings are during the prime of their careers, with flawless performance and confidence, all of them thrusting their chests and walking like peacocks on dispaly. They're better than good, and much better than you right now.\n\nIt's almost impossible to believe you could do this sort of thing, at least, to this degree of success. Their jokes are well timed, beautifully constructed and just damn funny.\n\nYour brow drops, scrunching up your face. Maybe you should [[take a few jokes|Theft]] to pad out your routine. If you can't beat'em, join 'em, right? Reword them a little then, at least you'll definitely get a laugh. \nBut I'm sure you came to stand-up to be yourself, not just to be a parrot of other people's success. Maybe just [[take some inspiration|Originality]] off the DVDs, see if you've got your own funny ideas on the subjects raised. But what do I know? This is your story.\n\nFlipping open your notebook, you start to write.

"Look, Mum, I need to go. I'll tell you more about it later."\n\nYou relax your arms, the phone slipping from your ears as you breathe out, the sweat still continuing.\n\n//What the fuck am I doing? Why am I doing whatever this is? Shit. I can't even invite my parents to see me. OR even say goodbye, you rude bastard. What is wrong with me?//\n\nYou rub the damp heat on your forehead, realising that the day's already slipping you past. You could squeeze in some [[last minute preparation|Last Minutes]].\n\nThough, after that conversation, maybe it's not worth continuing. There's always [[time to cancel|Really?]], always time to give up.

They laugh and chortle out, revelling in the insult you lashed on her. The woman herself was looked mad, with those puckered ruby lips and wrinkled brow.\n\n"I'm regretting that one already."\n\nYou laugh into the mic, but her face doesn't change.\n\n"I'm sorry, madam, you are really are looking good tonight."\n\nThey chuckle in unison. You know you're really lucky to have them react like that, they could've easily turned on you. Shame he didn't take it as well. Interacting with the audience is a gamble. Only the best or most desperate comics do it. Which one are you?\n\nCome on, you have an audience [[waiting on you|Drink Dilemma]].

"It's tough to adjust. You're high, basically. The brain gives you all this adrenaline whilst you're doing your stand-up. But afterwards, there's nothing to do with it. My first time I was so damned aimless, just looking to find something to do. I started heckling the other acts, for Christ's sake. Which led me into trouble with manager there, God knowd how I even got herr with-"\n\nA knock at the office door interrupts Craig.\n\n"Who's there?" he asks.\n\n"Doctor" replies the person.\n\n"Doctor who?"\n\n"I'm more of a Star Trek fan."\n\nCraig claps his hands. Slowly.\n\n"Well bloody done. Come on, get in here already."\n\nThe voice giggles, and then opens the door.\n\n<<if $metVicky eq 1>>Its [[Vicky|Vicky Arrives]].<<else>>A short blonde [[woman enters|Vicky Arrives]].<<endif>>

Finally, after a weekend of preparing your notebook and filling it with joke ideas and observations, you rest.\n\nIt's dreamless.\n\nYou rise when the sun does. You watch it from your bed, growing from the horizon reach towards the sky. Treating yourself to an early night felt good. You even woke up early enough to start writing a bit before work. Yeah, go on mate, let's do it. You lift out of bed.\n\nYour eyes don't feel so weighted, your arms don't ache and all your thoughts flow out of you. No clutter, no distraction just pure work. Jokes start coming here and there. The excitement even starts too.\n\nIf you didn't know any better, you'd think this was a fantasy story with how well I'm describing how your day's going so far. But no, it just really has been that good.\n\nYou've got a page done [[an hour later|Choice Of The Day]].

"Really?" he asks, sounding a bit confused and surprised. "Well that's great to hear. You have an act together?"\n\n"More or less."\n\n"Good, can't wait to see it when you're here. So what do you need from me?"\n\n"Well, I need some advice on what I’ve got so far. I've got an act, right, but it's a bit all over the place and more like a list of jokes than an act. Is there any way I can clean it up and make it, well, professional."\n\nCraig turns silent. Only his breathing is audible.\n\n"Really" he begins, "half this night is about experimenting with your own material. It's an open mic to new guys like you but also some comedy circuit veterans too, so they can test out their jokes and such. It feels like I should honour that sort of 'even play field' idea. Are you really sure you'd rather not go it in alone? I mean, if you really want I suppose I can try to help you."\n\n1) "I'm sure. I [[only want advice|Give It]], I might not even use it. No offence."\n\n2) "It sounds challenging... But you know what? [[I won't|Stand Strong]]. I'll handle this alright, I'm sure."

She ruffles her nose. \n\n"Not exactly, even if that is good advice. I said about the fear of this job can spur you to be better, and also to just have fun with it."\n\nYou nod, saying you remember now.\n\n"Good. Though you'll need a better memory if you really want to survive being on stage. I tell you, my first time up there, I forgot to correct a joke when I said it wrong. And things went."\n\nVicky raises a finger and drags it across her throat, making a low gargling sound.\n\n"Not so good. Thank god Craig understood, otherwise I never would've had another chance up there. Not because he wouldn't let me on again, but because I felt terrible after doing it, I wanted to leave."\n\n"I'm glad you're still here" you say.\n\n"Yeah, you and me both" she giggles, "oh don't start. For one minute I thought you cared about me, then I realised you're just trying to use my expertise for all I’m worth, you hustler."\n\nShe lightly slaps your elbow.\n\n"[[How's it been|Dude How]] writing your routine, though?"

"That's fair. I get that."\n\nCraig's hands craddle the bottle now, tipping more out.\n\n"And leaving the stage? How've you adjusted to stepping off back into obscruity?"\n\n1) "Fine, I suppose. It was kind of nice just getting off of there. No more people judgng me, [[no more pressure|Pressure]]."\n\n2) "Would've preferred to stay up there, honestly. I wanted to keep doing better, try to make them laugh. After getting off it was [[just tough|Tough]], I felt... less."

You open up to Steph, who lunges around your neck, grabbing you into a hug.\n\n"It's been so long!"\n\n"No kidding" you say, hugging back. \n\nSteph has always been a bit excitable. <<if $moFood eq 1>>You offer her food but she declines, luckily, since Mohammed has barely even left any of it behind.<<else>>You offer her a piece of fruit, or whatever else is left in your fridge. Luckily, she declines<<endif>>\n\n<<if $moFood eq 1>>You could instead [[offer her a drink|Aqua Pura]], but you remember she’s not drinking alcohol right now. You're out of anything else except maybe tap water.<<else>>You could instead [[offer her a drink|Water Board]], but you remember she doesn't like alcohol, and you're out of anything else except maybe tap water.<<endif>>\n\nIt might be best to just [[avoid asking|Bad Host]] her altogether, but that might seem a bit impolite.

Mo arrives first. He greets you with a lazy grin before asking for his meal and heading to the kitchen. You don't have much of anything left in your fridge, other than the last pair of fruit yoghurts, a couple of apples, and a bowl of leftover... something, which you've been meaning to throw out all week.\n\nHe turns to look at you.\n\n"You promised me a dinner."\n\nYou drop your eyes for second and exhale.\n\n"I never said what it was" you try to joke, but Mo doesn't find it funny. Hopefully this isn't the trend for the laughter this evening.\n\nMidway through his pathetic bites of your last yoghurt, he asks about this secret you've been talking of.\n\n"Well, it's not a secret really, but I wanted to surprise you guys. I'll tell you when everyone arrives."\n\n"How many is everyone?"\n\nYou're interrupted by another [[ring of your doorbell|Drink Time]].\n\n"That'll be the last of them now."

Your parents, there, in the audience. Though... it’s hard to see with the lights in your eyes and the darkness of the rest of the room. But the dyed blonde of your mother’s hair creep, the whiting moustache of your father contrasting with his black eyebrows. It’s got to be them right? The words of your mother whisper through your head again.\n\n//No real child of mine would want to make a living out of doing this, trying to make a fool of themselves. You never told us either, we had to find out from somebody else. You ran to it, like a coward, like a baby. You’re a baby that people laugh at, NOT with.//\n\nBoth your hands are shaking now, the tapping of your nails against the mic in your hand wriggles up your arm. \n\n<<if $preparedness gte 8>>You recall your act, the one you've repeated so many damn times it's become annoying, become an insanity. Reminded of it, everything starts to come out now, flowing, [[you're up|First Joke]].<<else>><<if $metVicky eq 1>>Desperately you look for Vicky’s face, the blue streaks in her hair, or the leather jacket she was wearing. Something, anything. Come on.\nBut instead it's those grinning eyes, both of them leaning near the back wall by the bar. You share a stare, a glint that connects you both. Then it [[starts coming|First Joke]] to you. Your act.<<else>>Nothing's coming to you. Anything you've prepped for is gone. Shit. Right, you've got two options that I can think of for you.\nOne. You [[run out of here|Run Away]], head for the door, don't look back and cry yourself to sleep in your shit apartment.\nOr two. Make up what you can, on the spot, talk to the audience, [[something|Improv]], and hope for the best.<<endif>><<endif>>

<<set $meetFriends = 1>>You pick up your phone and begin texting a mass message.\n\n//Hey guys and gals wondered if we could meet this weekend at mine and could let u in on a special secret thing I’ve got going on? If ur interested, text back asap! Love, The Joker. (Hint: That attempt at humour was a clue to the secret ;D)//\n\nYes, so apparently you sound like a total prat, sorry, that's just how I imagine you.\n\nNow it's time to scroll through your contacts.\n\nIt could get a bit hectic with that many of your friends altogether at your place (because you have LOADS of friends, according to Facebook, you're not in denial at all). Just inviting a few, who you believe could give you decent feedback may be all you need. However, treating it more like the night with loads of people surrounding you, judging you, could harden your skin for when the night comes.\n\nTaking all that on board, do you want to [[invite all the friends you can|I Predict A Riot]] to this little get together, or just [[a select few|La La La]] for feedback?

<<set $theAct -= 1>>Her mouth hangs open, as both her pupils prick yours.\n\nThe few drunk lads from before are pissing themselves with laughter. But everyone else does a sharp intake of breath or grunts. Even the other comics at the back are only slightly tittering to themselves.\n\n"I'm regretting that one already."\n\nYou laugh it off.\n\n"I'm sorry, madam, you are really are looking good tonight. Oh, is that the time? I'd better get moving on with my act."\n\nJust move on. [[Quickly|Drink Dilemma]] now.

<<set $preparedness += 1>>"Well, ok then. Don't worry too much about it. The audience on an open mic night usually attract regulars, they know what they're getting themselves in for. If the act's a bit ropey, that's fine."\n\n"That's good to know. I've thought about that happening once or twice. Thank you."\n\n"No problem. Now I really can't wait to see you on the night. I usually don't get people bothering to call. You obviously care about this. Come find me before the show and I can see how good you're going to be. Don't worry, it's not like you'll be graded or anything. It'll be fine. I've got to go anyway, so good talking to you."\n\n"You too."\n\nThe line goes dead. You hold your phone down, stare at the blank screen. That didn't go the way you wanted, huh? You could've pushed him just a bit more.\n\nAn interesting distraction at least, and you got help no doubt. Let's move on and [[prepare more|First Draft]] before your gig.

He slips back through the door he just came out of and you follow him.\n\nYou should say something. "Hi, by the way. We never got introduced."\n\n<<if $knockedOver eq 1>>"And we've already been pretty close today." he chuckles, "Hi. Names Craig, I’m the manager."<<else>>He chuckles, "You're right. Hi, the names Craig, I’m the manager."<<endif>>\n\nYou offer out your hand and he shakes it.\n\n"I'm one of your new acts for tonight" You say.\n\n"Ah, I see. Welcome to The Funny Bone, best comedy club this side of the river with the worst name possible."\n\nHe keeps smiling at you, so you do the same and chuckle.\n\n"Don't worry" he continues, "I'm not the doing any of the comedy tonight, thank God."\n\nYou move down the hallway.\n\n"Have you been here before? Of course you must have, it must be where you saw the posters about the open mic night right? But I bet you haven't seen the 'Behind The Scenes' part? Well, I’ll give you a rundown of this place."\n\nYou just nod this time, gradually moving yourself [[down the hall|Glimpse Behind The Scenes]].

You look over to your cupboard, now slumped on the floor. Your friend, Mo, has his arm trapped under it. He howls, though not from laughter. Your other friends start shouting and run over, as Mo drags his arm out from under it. The splintered wood must have caused the cuts\n\n"Fuck, fucking hell! My arm!" he shouts.\n\n"What do we do?" Ian says.\n\nSteph looks at you, "We need bandages or something, fucking now!"\n\nYou have some. In a cupboard. Somewhere, but not big enough for the wounds Mo has. You look to the floor and see your shirts patterned around. Fallen out of the cupboard? What was Mo doing?\n\n"Hey, bandages!" Steph shouts.\n\nYou kneel down, "I've got none, use a shirt."\n\nShould you pick up the [[pink|Bloody Hell]] or [[yellow|Bloody Hell]] one in front of you?

They offer you the best possible deal you could hope for. Working towards a headlining gig at The Funny Bone. Your name in figurative lights, but definitely on literal posters. And yes, I mean working towards headlining. You're still very new at this, you're not going to go straight up there, get a comedy tour that's broadcast on primetime TV. That's the dream, but it's not so far away anymore.\n\nStill, you have to do what hundreds of comedians do and work the club circuit, meaning for over half a year you spend your time going around to other clubs, getting gigs, working the crowd and finding your flow. You keep on writing new jokes and testing them out, your audiences always know they'll have good quality laughs. It's tough work, but with the support of both The Funny Bone manager and owner, who you've befriended, things have slowly turn easier. Your fellow comedians are kind with their compliments, but with competition like you, they're more concerned than ever to do be better stand-ups.\n\nA year passes and you're finally offered to headline The Funny Bone. It goes great. Until you're told by Craig that he called a talent scout to watch it. Though, you didn't realise this during your act. This wouldn't have been a problem if you hadn't spent half your act insulting him. Still, that was exactly what he liked, your viciously truthful jokes. He offers you a spot supporting a well-known comedian on his national tour. You quit your job the day after accepting, with no regrets. \n\nThe tour works out well, with your name becoming better known by comedy fans. You’re asked to do longer routines at bigger clubs. As your only source of income, it's not that great being a comedian, it’s not a lot or constant, not like the job you left behind. But now at work you actually have a smile. It might not pay well now, but your future looks promising.\n\nCongratulations. You received Ending 1, the best possible ending!\n\nThanks for playing.\n\n[[Credits and Replay|Start]]

They both recognise your potential and offer you another chance at ‘The Funny Bone’, this time as a named comedian. It's not that glamorous, well not like being the headline act would be, but it's the best possible deal you could hope for. Working towards that headlining gig. That's the dream and it's not too far away anymore.\n\nStill, you can’t avoid doing what hundreds of comedians have to and you begin working the club circuit. For over half a year you spend your time going around to other clubs, getting gigs, working the crowd and finding your flow. You use the same material for now, but eventually you'll have to make more if you want to stay fresh. The circuit is tough, but with the support of ‘The Funny Bone’ manager and owner, things have been easier. Your fellow comedians are kind with their compliments and you see many from your first night performing, many of them working around the same clubs and pubs as you.\n\nA year passes and Craig finally says you're ready to headline. It’s going to be great. Until you're told by Craig that he called a talent scout to watch it. Though, you didn't realise this during your act. This wouldn't have been a problem if you hadn't spent half your act insulting him. Still, that was exactly what he liked, your viciously truthful jokes. He offers you a spot supporting a well-known comedian on his national tour. You quit your job the day after accepting, with no regrets. \n\nThe tour works out well enough, though you were still seen as nothing more than a buffer for the main act. Your fellow stand-up acts appreciate your work more than your audience, who don't understand it. You're seen as 'The Comedian's Comedian', which makes success hard to come by. As your only source of income, it's not that great being a comedian, not like the job you left behind. But now, at work, you actually have a smile. It might not pay well, but your future looks promising.\n\nCongratulations. You received Ending 3!\n\nThank you for playing!\n\n[[Credits and Replay|Start]]

They both recognise your potential even though they acknowledge your 'stolen' material. Still, The Funny Bone doesn't care too much about that as long as their audiences enjoy the act and they offer you another gig, this time as a named comedian. It's not that glamorous but it's the best possible deal you could've hoped for considering your 'unoriginal'. Headlining for the club is your dream, but it's still a long ways to go.\n\nYou end up doing what hundreds of comedians do, by working the club circuit. Meaning for over half a year you spend your time going around to other clubs, getting gigs, working the crowd and finding your flow. You use the same material, and you get away with it mostly. Though the hecklers don't leave you alone, you're fairly experienced at taking them down. A few audiences for now, but eventually you'll have to make more if you want to stay fresh. The circuit is tough, but with the support of both The Funny Bone manager and owner, who you've befriended, things have been easier. Your fellow comedians have little good to say about you. Whilst they're out there working for their laughs, you're riding on other's success. You gain a reputation, few care to talk to you more than they have to.\n\nA year passes and little changes. You've quit your job and have become a comedian full time, with no regrets. The pubs and clubs know you by now, and hire you for most gigs when they need to, but rarely do they think of you for anything more. The Funny Bone becomes your staple home. Craig and Vicky support you, but the pressure to do well by yourself makes everything harder. As your only source of incomes, it’s not that great being a comedian, it’s not big or constant, not like the job you’ve left behind. But at least now, at work, you actually have a smile. It might not pay well, but your future looks promising.\n\nCongratulations. You received Ending 2!\n\nThank you for playing!\n\n[[Credits and Replay|Start]]

Thanking Craig and Vicky for the offer, you retire from your comedy career early on before things could possibly get worse. They're extremely kind to offer you any support for how badly you were tonight. Still, you feel a sense of accomplishment for having done it.\n\nYou go back to your normal life, normal job, normal Sundays at you parents. Nothing quite fills you with the excitement and achievement that the stage did. Soon the itch to challenge yourself builds up. \n\nQuitting your job, you look for a new job, something more exciting and fulfilling than an office job can give you and more pleasant than your hellish boss. Going out there, with only passion to drive you, the inevitable happens.\n\nCongratulations. You received Ending 5!\n\nThank you for playing!\n\n[[Credits and Replay|Start]]

Though they see your potential, you’re not hired to perform for them at their next stand-up night. Regardless, you're told to come back for the next open mic night with something original and try again. Thanking them, you limp back to your apartment and drink yourself to sleep. \n\nA few months pass and you see another open mic night planned at ‘The Funny Bone’. This time, you sign up completely sober. The next day you sit down at home to write something, attempting to try something new. Instead, you end up back in your old routine, of stealing jokes when you feel yours are terrible. You think that this second chance will work out better for you. Once more you're on stage and the whole night is the definition of Deja-vu. The nerves, the desperate need for advice, your average performance, and your fellow comedians insulted at your stolen jokes. Nothing goes any better. Craig and Vicky, having little choice, drop you from performing, explaining that they put a lot of effort into helping and your lack of trying to improve has made them lose faith in you.\n\nYou go back to your normal life, normal job, normal Sundays at you parents. Nothing quite fills you with the excitement and achievement that the stage did. Soon the itch to return builds. This time you go to another comedy club and negotiate a chance to perform. This time you swear you'll be different. You swear it. And when you get back up there, the inevitable happens.\n\nCongratulations. You received Ending 4!\n\nThank you for playing!\n\n[[Credits and Replay|Start]]

<<set $theAct += 1>><<set $confrontHeckler += 1>>"I'm sorry sir. So very sorry. Do you feel like you're not getting your money’s worth?"\n\nYou put your hand on your hip and keep a stern face.\n\n"Would you like me to suck you off? Maybe tickle your balls while I’m doing it, now that's a deal many wouldn't pass up."\n\nThe audience giggle and laugh like they're back at school.\n\n"I won't put my finger up your anus and wriggle it about though. I know that's usually what you'd get from your prostitutes, mate. I hear the lads down the docks offer that at a low price. I won't judge of course. But you say my jokes are shit, I at least appreciate a man who can stick that much shit up his own arse."\n\nOh they like that, very much indeed. Howls and hollers, along with one woman taking it so far she chokes on her own spit.\n\n"Now if you don't mind, my friend" you say, straightening your clothes, "I want to [[get back to what I was doing|Rundown]]. See, this stage means I’ve got a job to do. I'm sure you understand."\n\nThe front row chuckle a smile. They're right on your side.

Ok, you know, I know, that you got a shit ending. Did you even try? Huh, how disappointing. Well don't expect much of an ending.\n\nThanking them for the offer, you retire from your comedy career early before things can possibly get worse. They're extremely kind to offer you any support for how badly you acted tonight. You avoid stand-up comedy for a long time, the memories of that night still prevalent in your mind.\n\nCongratulations. You received Ending 6, the worst possible ending! Did you just skip past every optional choice you boring bastard?\n\nThank you for playing!\n\n[[Credits and Replay|Start]]

<<if $stephDrink eq 1>><<set $preparedness += 1>>You look at Steph as she's finishing her drink.\n\n"That was good, seriously, love. I loved the bit where you talked about that shitty relationship you were in. God, have I been there too!"\n\nShe chuckles, gazing past you, lost in the memory of the joke. Good work. You're actually becoming good at this.\n\n"Still, I was a little disappointed when you were just standing there. You looked really dead, like a plank. I wanted to see you really move you're boody and have some fun."\n\n"You would know about moving your body so much."\n\n"What are you implying?"\n\n"No, no. I mean you're hyper, not that you're, you're like-" you fumble to find words until she laughs.\n\n"I know, I was kidding. Maybe I should be the comedian here."\n\nYou grin. For once this night, you feel relieved. Maybe this act can be good with a little more hard work put into it. She really does look like she's sorry if that's any help. There's not much you can do about that now anyway, your night performing has [[come to an end|Ok Night]].\n<<else>>"Steph?" you say, noticing she's not there on the sofa. \n\nYou hear the chain flushing in your toilet and pieace together the rest. When she comes back, she apologises.\n\n"Sorry, love. I always get like this when i'm thirsty, my body seems to want to exercise. I didn't know when you'd end. But it was all good, really."\n\n"Thanks, I suppose."\n\nShe really does look like she's sorry if that's any help. There's not much you can do about that now anyway, your night performing has [[come to an end|Ok Night]].<<endif>>

She's good, better than before. Mainly new material with some of the old stuff. Impressive for a new act. Darker stuff too, about her grandmother's death, an abusive relationship she was in. And she can make it into something to laugh at, something funny. If anyone can give you decent advice about starting to do stand-up, it'd be Vicky.\n\nMidway through her act, you're not laughing as much as you were. You're serious side is telling you to focus on why you came here. \n\nYou could take some of Vicky's jokes down, they're good. Audience loves them, absolutely. They'll love you too if you do it. You have your book, you've got everything to do this. Go on, use them then.\n\nAs the audience focuses on Vicky, you eye the book poking out of your bag between your legs.\n\n<<if $orginalYes eq 1>>You didn't do it last time, when watching the DVDs. But making that choice left you behind on your work. You're not as prepared as I'm comfortable admitting. It wouldn't be so bad to [[copy down|Copycat]] some of Vicky's jokes as best you can. If you change the words up, it'll still be as good. I really think you might need it, mate. \n\nStill, it's up to you and it might be worth just [[enjoying the performance|Hang In There]] and try asking her some questions after the show. But she might not stay around, it'll be a bit of a risk and maybe you'll never get a chance.<<else>>You've already taken some other comedian's material, more well-known ones too. I doubt many would recognise them. It wouldn't be so bad to [[copy down|Copycat]] some of Vicky's jokes as best you can. If you change the words up, it'll still be as good.\n\nStill, it's up to you and it might be worth just [[enjoying the performance|Hang In There]] and try asking her some questions after the show. You're already quite prepared at this point, you can risk. She might not even stay around after, it'll be a bit of a risk.<<endif>>\n\nYou look down at your bag again.

Scouring past the bobbing heads, you notice her over by the bar, getting a drink and speaking to a young bald man.\n\nYou watch Vicky, not in a creepy way, just in awe. She seems so normal right now, among the people here. But there's something still intimidating about looking at her, knowing she was brave enough to just get on stage and could control the audience, could make them and you laugh. You're not sure how to approach her, she may act like the person up on stage, or like a regular person at a bar, or someone completely, utterly different. It's fucking scary just not knowing how to deal with it.\n\nThe man pats her on the back and goes through a staff door at the back of the bar. The manager, perhaps?\n\nRegardless, now's the chance to [[meet up with Vicky|Hi Vicky]]. Your heart beat is kicking you forward. Maybe it'd be wise to [[buy yourself a drink beforehand|The Taint]] to steady your nerves.

"A drink, my friend?" he says. Though you decline, he still brings two glass and a bottle of scotch to the desk. You both rest opposite each other. Craig pours himself a drink, downs it, then pours himself another.\n\n"How was it then?" he asks, "I mean really, the lights, the eyes, how'd you deal?"\n\n1) "Somehow, after all the doubt in my head, it all just washed off when I needed it to. I [[was prepared|Stage Fright]], that's all I could do."\n\n2) "When it all was hitting me what I was doing, I [[had a friend|Stage Fright]] in the audience that made it all possible."\n\n3) "I don't know. I [[just did|Stage Fright]]."\n\n4) Seriously, I've done the main bit of the game now, it's near the end, [[just skip these options|Haha]] already.

Damn. You were so close to finishing but you couldn't hold off any longer.\n\nThe department is quiet today, apart from the typing at desks that sound like rain. Maybe the phones are dead again? You don't care, you're trying to avoid anyone noticing you. It's just a shame your boss has returned from the photocopier, right behind you. She isn't pleased to see you tiptoeing at a swift pace towards your desk. You don't notice her eyes watching you, you're too focused on keeping quiet. But she knows.\n\nIt was hilarious when you got to your desk and realised she was right behind you. Almost slapstick in nature when you flinched at the sight of her. Your boss didn't take that reaction too well. She attacks you later in her office. You're sure the others outside can hear.\n\nArriving home, you're tired again. You decide to finish what you started today and sit once more at your desk.\n\nYour experiences today have made your jokes more observational, noticing the intricacies and etiquette people have. They're definitely your most experimental jokes so far.\n\nIt wasn't till midnight that you realised how slow you must have been thinking. But it didn't matter, [[you've done it|First First Draft]].

<<set $competence += 1>>He smiles again, a constant trend you're beginning to feel good about.\n\n"That's good, it's not the exact same obviously, but it's good to hear.\n\nBy the way, to get a decent volume on the mic, without it going to loud or quiet, jsut keep it resting on your chin. You'll be fine. Oh, and try not to walk close to the speakers. The feedback screams into your skull, and people don't laugh in pain."\n\nI hope you're remembering all this crap. I've forgotten most of it already.\n\nOnce more, he scratches something down on his pad before [[looking back up|Number 3]] at you.