Great men such as yourself are faced with difficult choices in this world. In this circumstance, the choice is to either give the women something important and with meaning, or to phone it in and spend more time on making everything else better.\n\nNobody cares about this match and it doesn't even come with the hint of a title shot like last year's did before they prompty forgot about it, so honestly nobody's going to notice when Naomi wins it again by throwing two women over the top rope while they're feuding with each other. \n\nOkay yeah, it was just one person she threw over, but if anything that proves my point.\n\nTime is ephemeral, it comes for us all, and will leave none of us alive. Soon we will be nothing, just cosmic ash reduced to insignifance at the inevitable heat death of the universe.\n\nShe calls it the Rear View.\n\nYou have earned 1 Russo point, and the assurance that you've made me sad.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As the spotlight zooms in on Elias, the camera zooms out to reveal that he's not holding his signature guitar anymore.\n\nInstead, he's holding a plastic guitar, complete with buttons and a strum bar, as he turns to the titantron where a series of notes look like they're about to start cascading down the screen.\n\nHe walks up to the microphone stand and waits for the lyrics to start sliding in from the side of the screen, only for the connection to cut out and put him back at the menu.\n\n"Hold on..." he mumbles furiously as he tries to go back to the song he had selected, only for it to be greyed out now.\n\nYes, to appeal to the gamers in the audience, Elias tried to play some Guitar Hero. Unfortunately the only version anyone had on them is Guitar Hero Live, which recently shut down its servers, leaving a much smaller library available to play with.\n\n"I don't know any of these songs!" he moans, flicking through the standard setlist, before he's interrupted by the confusing faction of Baron Corbin, Drew McIntyre, Lio Rush and Bobby Lashley, who beat him down before setting up a copy of Rock Band 4 and playing Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson. Drew McIntyre is on vocals. He earns 5 stars for it. \n\nUnfortunately, WWE didn't pay for the rights to that song in advance and so it's replaced awkwardly by Kid Rock in subsequent replays.\n\nYou have earned 5 Russo Points, and also a copyright strike on YouTube.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Somehow, everything has gone wrong.\n\nYou can't put your finger on it, but you slowly feel your soul being ripped and torn asunder. As if you're breaking apart slowly, piece by piece. \n\nYou stumble to the floor and see Jim Cornette looking up at you.\n\n"Well, you finally ruined your last wrestling show, huh?" He smiles, his teeth gleaming in such a way that it hurts your very being. "Trust me, you're not going to like where this is going."\n\nHe snaps his fingers and light blinds you for a few seconds. When you can see again, you see a giant beam of light before you.\n\nIt is the light that guides all of wrestling, and it is angry at you. \n\n"What's... what's happening to me, bro?" You ask, weakly. \n\n"SILENCE" the beam demands.\n\nYou feel yourself slowly melting away, every fibre of your being is in sharp, acute pain. You scream, but you make no sound.\n\n"YOU HAVE DESTROYED THE LIGHT OF WRESTLING. AND NOW THE LIGHT OF WRESTLING MUST DESTROY YOU."\n\nSuddenly, you remember it all. Every failure you just performed, every resurrection cost you paid. They all line up at once, causing you to experience every death, every failure all at once. The pain is unbearable.\n\n"YOU MUST BE ERASED."\n\nSlowly, you feel yourself become less complete. Your memory starts to fade, and every achievement you performed deletes itself from your mind, because it no longer exists. It only takes a few moments, but the transaction is total.\n\nYou have paid the ultimate price, and been erased from wrestling history entirely. \n\n[[The End.]]

You prepare moderately for the journey ahead, and make your way to the airport. You step into the plane, wait as it circles around and lands again, and then step out, having successfully completed your flight from New York, where I assume you still live and refuse to check, to New York, where the Wrestlemania 35 thing is near. A totally brilliant swerve. Nice. \n\nFortunately, the flight was filled with plenty of wrestling fans, who make their pleasure known by spitting on you, the ultimate praise for your writing skills. \n\nAs you enter the building, you wipe yourself off with a beach towel you keep on your person whenever you go out in public, and prepare for Wrestlemania 35. \n\nOr rather, should that be... RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING?\n\nYes. Yes, it should be.\n\nLet's play that thing I just said!\n\n- [[Play RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING]]

Elias gets ready to sing when he's interrupted by none other than 2019 Hall of Famer The Honkey Tonk Man, an old, bitter man whose gimmick was that he was basically an Elvis impersonator who was so bad you hoped the rumour he was secretly alive was actually true, just so he couldn't roll over in his grave.\n\nSomehow still wired from the celebration the night before and now more cocaine than man, Honkey Tonk charges into the middle of the ring, panting from trying to sing his theme tune, charge into the ring, and also text his dealer at the same time. He walks right up into Elias' personal space, and starts ranting about his new socially-conscious agenda.\n\n"You know Elias," he screams, unaware of how loud he is due to his airwaves being blocked up by non-prescribed medical powder ingested nasally, "I was doing some reading lately and I don't like being called the Honkey Tonk Man no more! Did you know that Honkey is actually a term that the black man uses to keep whitey down through reverse racism? All those social justice warriors impeaching on our free speech because of George Soros won't tell you that with their lizard tongues, but I'm here to-"\n\nBefore he can explain why freemasons run the country, he is blissfully knocked unconscious by Elias's guitar, an impressive achievement considering that it was Honky Tonk Man's guitar that was rigged to break on impact.\n\nYou earn 1 Russo point as Honky Tonk Man stole the other points you could have earned to pay off his suppliers.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

- There are multiple choices for each match.\n\n- Based on your choices, you will receive a certain amount of Russo points, with 5 being awarded to the best choices. \n\n- If you overswerve, or swerve incorrectly, Jim Cornette may kill or severely injure you. Or, someone you've aggrieved through your propensity to swerve may do the same thing. \n\n- If that happens, you must go back to the choices again, and lose 2 points for each death or failure state as a resurrection cost. \n\n- If your choice on a match causes you to die, you are allowed to go back and try again once. \n\nOr, for a bonus hard mode, you can choose not to re-book any match you've reached a fail state in. You can even raise the resurrection cost to 3 points, just to make it that bit harder! \n\n- The matches aren't in order because who knows what the whims of the WWE are. Also out of necessity I'm having to write this in its entirity about 5 days before Wrestlemania 35 starts so if the card loses or gains matches that aren't in here, blame the ephemeral nature of time.\n\n- The more points you get, the better the ending will be. \n\nWith that in mind, let's finally [[start the game]]!

The mystique of the Demon is that he only arrives during Balor's biggest matches, and it's usually a guaranteed victory, minus that one time Samoa Joe beat him in NXT. \n\nSensing his defeat, Lashley forces Finn to sign a contract stating that he is not allowed to unleash the Demon in their match at Wrestlemania. Balor smiles like he always does as he signs the contract. \n\nLater in the night, Balor's music hits, but instead of dressing as the Demon, he's covered in bright green as he's instead garbed in the robes of a Leprechaun. Lashley and Rush burst into tears of laughter, having had that written into the contract and thus believing they have one over on our Irish friend. \n\nLittle do they know however, that their plan is about to backfire on them when, just as Lio Rush is about to distract Finn to allow Lashley to set up for a spear, Hornswoggle appears from under the ring and bites Lio's leg. Taking down Rush in a single chomp, Finn takes advantage of the distraction to rocket Bobby into the turnbuckle and deliver a devastating Coup De Grace, allowing him to win the title back and begin a new reign as champion.\n\nLater it is discovered that the bite gave Rush rabies, and both him and Hornswoggle are forced to be put down. \n\nYou earn 3 Russo points and a pot of gold for your troubles.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

The match is absolutely boring the pants off of all of the audience, as Corbin spends ages dismantling Kurt and proving that the old man can't go anymore, that's he's wasting his time being a wrestler, and that now was actually the perfect time to retire as he's not got anything left in the tank.\n\nHowever, a quick reversal and a momentum change mean that Kurt Angle is on the attack! He gives Baron a devastating Angle Slam! He's heading for the legs, he's going for the Ankle Lock!\n\nKurt pauses. He stops, and slowly breaks down in tears, before grabbing a microphone. \n\n"I can't do it. I can't destroy you."\n\n"What? Why not, you coward?" Baron sneers.\n\n"Baron... what did Vince tell you about your father?"\n\n"He told me enough, he told me that you told him that he sucked!"\n\n"No Baron... I suck."\n\n"No, that's not true! That's impossible!"\n\n"No it's not. You see, back in college, I dated a young lady. We dated for a while, and we stopped dating. And it wasn't until recently that I found out she gave birth 9 months after our last date-"\n\n"Isn't this what you said to Jason Jordan two years ago?"\n\n"Exactly, don't you see? The DNA test was wrong. My son wasn't Jason Jordan, it was... you!"\n\nBaron and Kurt stare at each other, before both breaking down into tears and hugging each other. Kurt kisses him on the forehead, then puts his Gold medals over Baron's head, praising him as the new Olympic hero.\n\nThe crowd are absolutely incensed, and so is Jason Jordan. Sure, he probably has to retire forever, but you've also ruined any potentially good storylines if he ever comes back. Cornette allows him to beat you to a bloody pulp despite JJ doing so with a broken freakin' neck, giving you one in the process.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, the amount of sons Kurt Angle has now gained since returning to the WWE.\n\n- Go Back To [[Kurt Angle versus Baron Corbin]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

For the last few years, Kurt Angle has been getting slower in the ring, less able to compete, and simply doesn't have what it takes anymore.\n\nYou know who else probably doesn't? Constable Baron Corbin.\n\nAfter all, he led Raw to their worst ratings in history, and there's no way that former General Manager Kurt Angle can allow that to happen. \n\nSo it is that when the two meet in the ring, Kurt comes out swinging, moving like a man who has definitely broken his neck several times in the past and has ravaged his body due to a painkiller addiction. \n\nCorbin does whatever three moves it is that he does, and poses to the crowd to soak in the boos. His jeering ways soon come to an end, however, when in the middle of trying to give Angle a Deep Six, the only genuinely impressive move in his arsenal, Kurt deftly reverses the move and puts on an Ankle Lock so severe that he manages to nearly rip Corbin's leg clean off.\n\nCorbin taps out immediately, but Kurt keeps the hold in. Officials run to the ring but they can't pull the Olympian off of him, and by the time someone is able to chloroform Kurt, Corbin's leg is so mangled and destroyed that he's forced to retire immediately as well. \n\nOnce a ringside doctor confirms this, the arena belts out into a full celebration, complete with confetti and vuvuzelas, which they use to blow out the "na na na na, na na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" song to.\n\nKurt goes down in wrestling folklore as the man who put an end to Constable Corbin for good, and the WWE are forced to build up a heel who is a heel because he's actually any good, not just generating "go home" heat.\n\n\nYou earn 5 Russo points, one for every Corbin fan in the audience who is legitimately saddened by this turn of events.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

So for one last time, let's tally up the points you've earned from booking Wrestlemania 35.\n\nBefore you do, would you like to try to go back in time and fix any mistakes for some extra points?\n\n- [[Yes, going back in time would help a lot]]!\n\n- No, the past is where it belongs, in the past. Just take me to the [[endings]]!

The battle between the former Evolution competitors is an intense one, as the duo trade blows, psychology, and some good tips on acting. \n\nBatista has not spent his time out of the ring slacking, and proves to be more than a match for the man of 3 H's. He very definitively has the upper hand when, all of a sudden, the arena is drowned in a ear-splitting "WOO!"\n\nIt's Ric Flair! He's back after being beaten to a bloody pulp by Batista several weeks ago, and even though he's pushing seventy, he's ready to fight!\n\nDespite HHH's protests, Ric Flair gets into the ring and starts doing all of his classic moves to Batista, before locking the man into a deadly Figure-Four Leg Lock. The crowd reaches a fever pitch as it looks like Batista is going to tap out, allowing HHH to keep his job. \n\nHowever, it looks like Batista may win after all when he delivers a single bunch to Ric Flair, which causes him to break the hold and also start leaking a suspiciously large amount of blood from his forehead. Batista is about to get up and recover when Ric does his patented Flair Flop onto him, trapping the Animal for the 1-2-3. \n\nSomehow, Ric Flair has won the battle between HHH and Batista, meaning that he can start participating as an active full time wrestler again! That is, once he's regained consciousness and had a blood transfusion. \n\nYou earn 3 Russo points, which is how many matches Ric participates in before he's fired for his constant insistence that he take most of the women's roster to Space Mountain.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You know what the United States Title needs? \n\nA good representation of America as it stands today.\n\nYou know what a good representation of America as it stands today is?\n\nThat's right, Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agents being called on Rey and Dominic Mysterio just in case they're illegal aliens. \n\nSo it is that in the middle of their match, just as Rey is about to hit the 619 for the victory, he is handcuffed and taken away for questioning about his legal status of residency in America, making Samoa Joe the winner by the forfeit of Rey's citizenship.\n\nSadly, even though he does have legal status, Rey is still kept in one of those cages that ICE use to detain children for an uncertain amount of time, causing him to be lost in the system. \n\nWith Linda McMahon having resigned from Trump's cabinet and Vince no longer having any sway, Jim Cornette sends you to get Rey and Dominic freed, whereupon you are yourself detained for trying to help them escape, and you are shipped to Guantanamo Bay for aiding and abetting potential terrorists.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, and feel iffy about voting for the Republican party again in the 2020 elections. \n\n- Go Back To [[Samoa Joe versus Rey Mysterio]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

With the points you've earned, please select the correct ending from below.\n\nRemember, honour system only, no peeking at the ones you didn't earn, yeah?\n\nYeah.\n\nCool.\n\n- [[Secret Worst Ending (0 Points or Fewer)]]\n\n- [[Worst Ending (0-17 Points)]]\n\n- [[Bad Ending (18-40 Points)]]\n\n- [[Good Ending (41-64 Points)]]\n\n- [[Best Ending (65-84 Points)]]\n\n- [[Secret Best Ending (85 Points)]]

Everything seems to be going well at first. Drew McIntyre makes his way to the ring, grinning and doing his traditional heel posturing, and awaiting his opponent.\n\nSoon enough, "It's the BIG DOG!" Michael Cole yells as if he prerecorded the phrase years ago and they've just been playing that the entire time he makes his way to the ring. \n\nThis time however, is different. \n\nShowered in a series of boos, Roman slows to a crawl, and when a member of the audience earnestly asks him if he's okay, Reigns collapses to the floor in tears. \n\nSomeone rushes up to him with a microphone and he says "Nah, it ain't gon be like that. My name is Joe, and... I have clinical depression" he announces to a silent audience. "I came back from this cancer diagnosis, and all y'all been questioning if I even had it in the first place, or getting annoyed that I'm still in a similar position to before. I can't deal with it anymore, man. I can't. I just..."\n\nHe drops the mic, and some men in white coats take him away.\n\nLater in the evening we pop back in on Roman to see him in a padded room, crying.\n\nDrew wins by forfeit and goes on to have a tasty haggis. \n\nYou have earned 3 Russo points, and an assurance that mental health services are severely underfunded.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]\n

The match starts off pretty violently, with Batista throwing around HHH like a ragdoll, the COO of WWE unable to get a decent footing. It seems like the leader of NXT may have to actually retire, before he manages to reverse a Batista Bomb and climbs back to his feet.\n\n"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?" He yells at Batista, who, stunned, holds his hand up to Hunter as if to tell him to stop. The man of three identical letters pauses, and obliges as the animal starts blubbering.\n\n"You want to know what I want?" He asks. HHH nods.\n\n"I just want a hug." Batista finally admits through a stream of tears. \n\nHHH looks concerned at first, before slowly marching over to Batista and giving him a firm squeeze.\n\n"Tell me you enjoyed my films" he pleads.\n\n"They were good, Dave."\n\n"Did you like my performance as Drax?"\n\n"It was very funny, Dave."\n\n"Did you like my role in Blade Runner 2049?"\n\n"I thought it was an acting masterclass."\n\n"What about my role in Spectre?"\n\n"...Why don't we continue this in private?" HHH asks, successfully dodging the question and thus his retirement, as the match is forfeited.\n\nYou may have gained 1 Russo point, but Batista gained something more important: a friend.\n\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As Kurt and Corbin make their way to the ring, the crowd is abuzz with the recent speculation that, due to everyone positively hating that this match exists, they're going to rush it out of the way and Kurt's actually going to fight John Cena.\n\nThat definitely seems to be the case when, within three minutes of the bell ringing, Corbin has already hit a Deep Six and Kurt Angle has done a series of beautiful German Suplexes. \n\nAt the three minute thirty mark, Angle hoists Corbin up for the Olympic Slam then goes straight into an Ankle Lock, forcing the Constable to tap out and look like a total jabroni. \n\nAs Kurt grabs the mic, everyone starts cheering profusely, convinced that this isn't all there is.\n\n"Everyone, I'd just like to say thank you for my time here. It's been a pleasure wrestling for the WWE, and I'm glad I could retire here on my own terms. Thank you."\n\nHe then drops the microphone and walks out as his music blares. Nobody can tell if the "You Suck" chant is endearing, or genuine.\n\nYou earn 1 Russo point, which can be redeemed for any number of pieces of fine Baron Corbin merchandise.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Russomania 2: The Final Swervening

The crowd erupts as John Cena's music hits, the crowd having missed him after his several months away doing whatever it is he does now instead of wrestling. Who knows?\n\nHowever, those expecting to see a good bout of grappling are mildly confused when John stumbles into the ring, a near-empty bottle of Jack Daniels in hand. \n\nAs he grabs the microphone, it slowly becomes clear that the only demons he's going to be battling tonight are purely metaphorical in nature. \n\n"Why did none of you go to see my last movie?" He whines, taking a dramatic swig from the bottle of jack, before throwing it into the crowd and pulling out a new bottle from his jorts. \n\n"I did... I do so much for you, and none of you love me back! I did movies and I did... oh, Nikki, if you can hear this, I'm so sorry. You think you can't see me? That's because there's nothing here without you. Take me back, I can be as good as the guy from Dancing with the Stars, look!"\n\nHe stumbles to his feet, and attempts to slow dance with the bottle of Jack, which he slowly opens and tongue kisses until all the alcohol is down his throat. He then tries to do a spinneroonie, but the momentum causes him to throw up and start crying. Before he passes out, he mumbles "Bumblebee is on DVD now".\n\nHis demons clearly go over.\n\nYou earn 3 Russo points, and an invitation to be John's sponsor in his Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

See, the issue with the Demon is that he only comes out for the biggest events, and he's used so sparingly that in kayfabe there's nothing that can stop it.\n\nHowever, there is something that can stop it, and that's not falling for kayfabe like all these stupid marks. \n\nSo it is that when Finn comes out dressed in his battle attire, he's actually caught by surprise and speared repeatedly by an incensed Lashley, all while Rush stands behind them and shouts something about money. \n\nWhile Balor picks up some positive momentum at points, the numbers game is too much to overcome, even as the Demon, and the audience is left dumbfounded when Lashley hits sixteen uninterrupted spears in a row, crushing Balor's chances of victory, holding the IC title, and the collective lungs of the crowd, who are all taken aback when Lashley retains.\n\nCongratulations, you have successfully ruined the mystique of the Demon on the main roster, and have earned 1 Russo points to match the number of fans you gained through this stunt.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

"Bro?" Your heavily New Yoik accent questions.\n\nAn all-too familiar voice responds from the other end of the line.\n\n"Vince? This is Vince. Tell me, how would you feel about... booking Wrestlemania 35...?"\n\nIt's your old boss, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the owner of the WWE and also the XFL for some reason! And he's hoping that you'll book Wrestlemania 35, the thirty-fifth sports entertainment extravaganza in thirty-four years! What do you say?\n\nOf course, there's only one thing you can say, and not least because that's how it was written last time and I've no real intentions of retconning myself. \n\n"[[Bro, I swear to gawwwwd...]]"

WWE for some stupid reason added Raw tag title matches and expect me to add more jokes to this thing that's 17,000 words and still not finished.\n\nWhat should you do, Russo?\n\n- Tell them to fuck off\n\n- Tell them to fuck off harder\n\n- Tell them to fuck off with a vengance\n\n- Tell them to live free and fuck off

Last year, the WWE decided to do a lady version of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal in their quest to catch up on the twenty years that they held women's wrestling back. Ironically, they initially chose to name it after the women who had already held women's wrestling back twenty years to keep herself at the top of the totem pole, meaning that it was now thirty years behind the men's after the ten years that anti-union narc Hogan had held THEM back. \n\nSo, like the men, all the women get in the ring at once, and like the men they throw each other over the top rope, and like the men they get a trophy for doing so. Then they get the vague hint of a push before it was totally ignored as if the whole thing never happened, just like the men.\n\nIf you somehow remembered that Naomi won last year because Sasha Banks and Bayley were too busy feuding, then well done, you didn't have to look it up like I nearly did. \n\nLike the men's, this is in danger of being a snoozefest that doesn't matter, so there has to be some cool way to keep spirits up and stop those pesky marks from complaining!\n\n- [[Asuka is given a gimmick tweak on her way to victory]]\n\n- [[Time is ephemeral, have Naomi win in exactly the same way she did last time]]\n\n- [[I dunno, someone from NXT wins]]?\n \n- [[Summon the legends of the Attitude Era]] \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As the match type is announced, an uneasy look falls across the faces of many in the audience. Their fears are only compounded by Finn's entrance seeing him being surrounded by an extremely well-detailed performance expressing the horrors of the IRA bombings as he tentatively enters the ring.\n\nThe audiences' murmurs are only heightened by Lashley's entrance seeing him literally breaking down a wall as Lio Rush exhaustively debunks misconceptions about immigration in America, followed by Lashley delivering a spear to a man dressed as the incumbent President and shouting "there are no strings on me!".\n\nThings start off slow as Balor and Lashley argue about the wage gap, before the discussion moves on to whether or not they should form a union and receive free healthcare. Tensions heighten when they can't agree on whether wrestlers should have an off-season, and Lashley gets the initial upper hand when the referee is removing the extensive amount of paper Finn bought with him definitely proving the prevalence of casual rape culture in mainstream culture, allowing Lio Rush to take Balor down with a petition to save Native American homes from being destroyed by an oil pipeline. \n\nFinn spends five minutes shouting about how horrible no-deal Brexit would be as he debuts a new submission hold called "The Irish Backstop", which gives Lashley and the audience an awful migraine as they're forced to comprehend the ramifications of an ill-informed political decision that could lead to the reinstatement of the Troubles in Ireland.\n\nLashley threatens to get the upper hand with an impassioned manouvre called "Black Lives Matter" in an attempt to help the crowd understand the horrendous double-standard in how the police force treats people of colour in America. Sadly his momentum is halted when Lio Rush complains about being bullied on Twitter, allowing Finn to get the upper hand with his new devastating finisher "Trans Rights are Human Rights", giving him a clean 1-2-3 victory and Ronda Rousey a minor aneurysm. \n\nNobody's sure what actually happened, and you almost definitely didn't change anyone's mind about how they feel about current issues, but it cannot be denied that everyone will be talking about it for years to come. \n\nYou earn 5 Russo points and the admiration of woke wrestling fans everywhere, at least until you call them all gay again and they're forced to cancel you.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

The match starts off fairly tame, full of HHH's usual insistence on slow technical wrestling and psychology, but before long, strange music fills the arena.\n\nOut from Gorilla comes the only thing that could potentially stop HHH's reign of terror from 2002-2003, Thanos, complete with full Infinity Gauntlet.\n\nBatista, having internalised his role as Drax the Destroyer, takes aim and charges at the Universe's greatest threat, only to be carelessly cast aside.\n\nHHH, desperate to go over, grabs his sledgehammer and takes careful aim, plunging it straight into his stomach.\n\n"You should have aimed for the head" Thanos assures him.\n\n"I would have, but headshots are banned!" HHH whines as Thanos snaps his fingers and dives through a portal, closing it behind him. \n\nAt first, nothing seems to happen, but it slowly becomes clear that exactly half of the Wrestlemania arena, staff, personnel, and wrestlers are fading out of existence. You, unfortunately, are not spared.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, and contrary to what I may have set up here, there will be no Russomania: Endgame.\n\n- Go back to [[HHH versus Batista]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]\n\n

Sometimes in the realms of wrestling, it's very clear why two competitors are about to face off, whether it's because they're fighting for a title belt, someone's wife, or because one of the competitors was fed their own dog.\n\nSometimes, these issues are important enough to necessitate in a Wrestlemania match, it being the grandest stage of them all and all that.\n\nHowever, it is occasionally the case that, try as you might, you cannot remember why two people are having a wrestling bout, and you don't think you'd retain the information even if you were told why seconds prior.\n\nThis is one of those matches.\n\nBetter find a way to make it more memorable!\n\n- [[Randy Orton lives up to his name]]\n\n- [[Randy Orton gets a brand deal]]\n\n- [[AJ Styles theorises his way to victory]]\n\n- [[Now I Am Become Snakes, Destroyer of Worlds]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

There's something about Charlotte that makes her a very popular choice for Vince McMahon. After all, she's the daughter of Ric Flair, and she has plenty of assets that allow her to sweep the competition time and time again.\n\nThe issue is that over the last couple of years, her propensity for winning has lead to perceptions that she's being forced down the WWE Universe's throats, leading to a slow but sure backlash against her.\n\nFiguring that any Charlotte victory would be poorly received no matter what if it means Becky loses, you believe the best way to continue is to lean fully into it. \n\nAs such, when Becky finally gets one over on Ronda Rousey and picks up the pinfall, Vince McMahon interrupts the music.\n\n"Sorry Becky, but you haven't won, dammit! You've just eliminated Ronda Rousey, so this match will continue as a one-on-one!"\n\nThe bell rings to signify the change, aand Becky squares off against her horsewoman compatriot.\n\nSlowly but surely, Becky seems to be getting the upper hand, until Charlotte hits her with Ken, her beloved kendo stick, causing the referee to ring the bell and call for a disqualification. Vince interrupts again.\n\n"That's not how this is going to end, dammit! The match will continue under no disqualification rules, just as it would be under triple threat rules! Ring the damn bell!"\n\nThey do, and Becky and Charlotte tussle again for several more minutes. Against all odds, Becky pins Charlotte clean, and the bell rings. The audience explodes in applause. Vince interrupts again.\n\n"Sorry I uh, wasn't watching. The match will be restarted, dammit!"\n\nA protesting Lynch is caught unawares by Charlotte, who uses everything she's been taught by Paul Smackage to put Becky in the Small Package. Despite definitely kicking out at three, the bell rings and Charlotte is declared the winner. Becky protests and the audience chants "she kicked out!", only for Vince to appear once again.\n\n"The decision stands, dammit! Charlotte is your winner!"\n\nCharlotte's music starts up as hundreds of fireworks go off, signifying that Charlotte is the Undisputed Women's champion and the greatest woman wrestler of all time. Bayley and Sasha are forced to come out to hug Charlotte and give her the Women's Tag Titles, even if they lost them earlier that night. Becky is forced to hold her hand up and give her a hug too, with Wrestlemania 35 closing on Charlotte holding all of the Women's belts at once, and her fellow horsewomen bowing before their queen. \n\nYou earn 3 Russo points, one for every time Vince McMahon restarted until he got the result he wanted. \n\n[[And with that, Wrestlemania 35 is over]]! \n\n

There's a saying in the WWE: when in doubt, break glass.\n\nUnfortunately, Stone Cold Steve Austin isn't available, but instead you resolve to skip trying to persuade him to put on a wig, and instead look back towards the legendary wrestlers of the Attitude Era. It's the WWE's go-to to help ratings and get attention, and this women's battle royal should be no different, but you need to select your legends carefully, and in such a way that it's eminently unpredictable.\n\nAs such, nobody is prepared when Pat Patterson and Gerald Briscoe don evening gowns and enter the match in a homage to their legendary Pay Per View match during the Attitude Era.\n\nThey scuffle throughout the ring, and through a series of shenanigans and physical comedy unmatched by a faction of the Three Stooges, Mr Bean, and the cast of Bottom, they manage to non-violently eliminate everyone else, and then themselves. \n\nThey are awarded the trophy, which they then go on to split in half in an awkward tug of war.\n\nSure, the entire women's roster is angry at you, but Vince McMahon finds it so hilarious that he protects you from their ire.\n\nYou are awarded 5 Russo points, and damnation for your eternal soul.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As the rules are announced, everyone in the match frantically tries to make friends with someone else and fifteen impromptu tag teams are formed. \n\nThe result is utter carnage, where teams can only be eliminated if both of them are taken out at once. Because nobody can remember who they're partnered with, it takes way too long to be whittled down to the final two competitors, who then frantically try to throw each other out of the ring before remembering that victory only comes from a pinfall this time around. \n\nOnce the bell rings, the man being given the trophy is none other than Curt Hawkins, who has ended his nearly three hundred strong losing streak by pinning his best buddy Zack Ryder, who won't be woo woo woo'ing this year, bro.\n\nAward yourself 5 Russo points for each broski still in the crowd who feel personally attacked by this outcome.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

At first the odds seem low for Kofi. The rest of the New Day are banned from ringside, but Daniel Bryan's Spotify Playlist Technician Rowan is allowed to stay, meaning that the numbers game starts to take its toll on Kingston.\n\nThings look especially bleak when Daniel Bryan steals the patented It Kicks from The Miz and looks like he's setting up for his running knee finisher. \n\nHe charges towards Kofi, but is stopped when Kofi hands him a photograph. Daniel stands stunned. Nobody knows what's going on until the camera zooms in, revealing lurid imagery of Kofi Kingston and Brie Bella together. Well, it could easily be Nikki Bella, but it's hard to tell. \n\nDaniel realises this fact too late, as he cops a boot to the face courtesy of Kofi's finisher Trouble In Paradise, and the New Day member picks up a victory. He dances around the stage with the WWE title, before running up the ramp to kiss Brie Bella. Or Nikki Bella. Honestly, it could go either way.\n\nYou earn 1 Russo point and are required to be a witness at the forthcoming divorce proceedings.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

I mean, logically, it makes sense, right? \n\nIt's everything you need to create a perfect match: it's the culmination of a years-long storyline which fans have been able to follow through about six seasons of Total Divas, four seasons of Total Bellas, and also that Wrestlemania two years ago where he proposed to her and then they broke up the year after, thus proving The Miz right once again. A worked shoot for the ages.\n\nSo, who better for Cena to battle against than his former fianceé?\n\nHe steps into the ring, looking confident, and allowing the audience to react when "You can look, but you can't touch" starts blaring out across the arena. The crowd first thing that they're going to consider a reconcilation before the bell rings and John gives her a thunderous Attitude Adjustment. As the air is sucked out of the crowd like a vaccuum cleaner in space, he steps out of the ring, grabs a steel chair, and smacks her until she dons the proverbial crimson mask. \n\nHe then hits a second Attitude Adjustment off of the top rope, before setting up three tables on top of each other and rocketing Nikki through them with a third AA. \n\nAs he pins her for the 1, 2, 3, a cascade of balloons and confetti fall into the crowd showering Cena in adulation, made all the more confusing by the fact that the commentary team straight-facedly praise Cena's actions as that of a heroic face, followed by Michael Cole stepping into the ring to personally shake Cena's hand.\n\nAs you congratulate yourself on a job well done, there's a knock on your door, followed by a cascade of angry fans, tipped off to your location by Jim Cornette. \n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, the exact amount of testicles removed from your person by the Bella Army. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Secret John Cena Match]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

What, you don't know what that is?\n\nLuckily, neither do the audience!\n\nUnfortunately, neither do the wrestlers.\n\nThus, the wrestlers are forced to try and do what they can with a bunch of sirens scattered about the ring, as it's not sure if they're meant to use them for pinfalls, submissions, or to just slam each other on them or anything. \n\nSoon, however, the confusion abates, as when Samoa Joe finally figures out how to turn them on, the summoning begins.\n\nOut from back stage, he emerges.\n\nThat's right! It's the big bad booty daddy himself, Scott Steiner! He's now storming to the ring, demanding that someone give him an effing microphone! \n\nEager to find out what happens next, Samoa Joe is all too happy to pass his former rival the mic, only to immediately regret it as Steiner unleashes a combination of maths so intense that both him and Rey are left knocked out in the middle of the ring, allowing a being more steroid than man to pick up the US title and leave with it.\n\nYou have earned 3 Russo points as it's slightly too similar to a joke I already did from Russomania last year. In fairness, I have like 15 other matches to book and I haven't slept in weeks. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As Boss and Hug, the Samoan Awfuls and the IIconics make their way into the ring, the crowd slowly waits for the final team of Natalya and the Glamazon to make their grand entrance. \n\nFirst Natalya comes out, accompanied by her uncle Bret, who spent the day before being inducted into the Hall of Fame again, and is therefore three percent less bitter than usual.\n\nFinally, the long-awaited appearance of the Glamazon herself is met with eruptions of cheers as Ru Paul makes her way out to the ring, accompanied by the titular hit single that was a focus of one of the final episodes of season four of the hit reality show Ru Paul's Drag Race, available to stream now on Netflix. \n\nThe WWE audience, all adept fans of a show that features ridiculous challenges, manufactured drama, and intense rivalries are surprised that such things could possibly be featured in sports entertainment, and are super stoked for what Ru Paul can bring to Wrestlemania.\n\nAfter forcing her rivals to lip sync for their lives, she makes her decision. Natalya and Ru Paul... Shantay you stay. Boss and Hug, Nia Jax and Tamina, the IIconics... sashay away.\n\nNatalya and the Glamazon continue to hold the titles, and are given an even bigger push at Ronda's insistence after Ru continues to make ignorantly transphobic comments. \n\nYou have earned 5 Russo points, and a reminder that if you can't love yourself, then how the hell you gonna love anyone else? Can I get an amen up in here?\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

There's only one outcome that makes sense this year, and it's to let the man who beat the tag team champions by partnering with a literal 10 year old child win the battle royale.\n\nIt's a decision that makes a lot of sense, but also doesn't provide any fun swerves or outcomes unless...\n\nOkay, how about this: Braun is forced to eliminate Nicholas in order to win the trophy, and after doing so sheds the only tear he will ever shed again, before hoisting the trophy aloft and becoming immediately lost in the shuffle again.\n\nYou gain 1 Russo point for the amount of years you are mentally ahead of Nicholas. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As the match begins, Buddy Murphy sighs and picks up a microphone.\n\n"Bloody hell, mates! I don't half miss Australia, what with all the banjos and kangaroos and what guff!" He says whatever accent he has. "If only I could go back there right now, I'd be more willing to have this match there!"\n\nThe crowd sympathise with his plight, and start chanting "get him home!" when all of a sudden, some entrance music starts playing.\n\nAlicia Fox, who wasn't doing anything anyway, shows up in her captain's hat shouting "I'll take you back! In fact, I'll take all of you there, on my brand new Cruiserweight Cruise!"\n\nEager to fulfil his dream, he sets off backstage, while Alicia Fox, pretending that this is a totally original idea shouts "Who cares about Jericho anymore?" before absconding with the rest of the 205 Live Roster, sailing off to acrobatics yet unseen on the high seas.\n\nUnfortunately, Alicia Fox doesn't actually know who to drive a boat, and they're never found again. \n\nYou are later implicated in their disappearance and rot in jail forever. \n\nLose 2 Russo points.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Cruiserweight Title Match]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You affect with the most New York accent you have ever mustered, that you could ever muster in the face of such an opportunity.\n\n"So, is that a yes or a no?" Questions Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the owner of a lot of wrestles. \n\n"It's gonna be the best Wrestlemania ever bro!" You exclaim, already salivating at the possibilities. \n\n"That's the spirit, Vince!" Vince replies. "However, I should warn you that I remember how you did last year. As much as we officially deny it ever happened, we had to do a lot of last second changes to fix your mistakes, so I've bought in a contingency plan."\n\n"I totally get it bro, but bro, it got ratings, people loved it, therefore it was good, bro!"\n\n"But Roman didn't go over, dammit! Our plan didn't work, and they still didn't love him!" \n\n"Bro, I swear to gaaaawd, we can fix that. I can fix everything."\n\n"Even the Hall of Fame? People started leaving last time."\n\n"Bro, there are some things even I cannot do."\n\n"Dammit!" He Dammits. "Well, I better hope that inducting that little known faction D-Generation X is enough to keep butts in seats."\n\n"Remind me who was in that one again?"\n\n"Uh... HHH, Shawn Michaels, Road Dogg, X-Pac, and Chyna. That's it."\n\n"I feel like there was... someone else... once..." You gaze outside your window, as if something has been irrepairably lost to wrestling. \n\n"Yeah... me too..." Vince admits, not sure if he's noticed something changing within the time-stream, or if it's simply that his steak wrap didn't have enough ketchup in it. He snaps out of it. "Anyway, you better not mess up this year's Wrestlemania, dammit! And just to make sure you don't, I've made sure that if you go too far, I have a trusted man on hand to inject you... with a lethal dose of POIIIISON!" \n\n"...Cornette?"\n\n"Yes, dammit, Cornette, very good. If you go too out of hand, he'll be there to make sure you pay for your mistakes, and he'll get away with it too!" Assures Vince McMahon, a man who has covered up at least one murder. \n\n"Bro, I tell you, it won't even be necessary! I'm gonna make sure this Wrestlemania goes over like me winning the WCW Championship, bro!" You say, knowing how popular that decision was. \n\n"I'll bring Cornette over first." McMahon grumbles, knowing how popular that decision was. He hangs up, leaving you to find your own way to the Wrestlemania 35 arena.\n\nThe first of many important decisions awaits you. Do you:\n\n- [[Walk to Wrestlemania]]\n\n- [[Get an Uber to Wrestlemania]]\n\n- [[Fly to Wrestlemania]]

It all started with a trophy. Well, to be more accurate, it all started with a tournament. Okay, to be more accurate still, it all started with a beheading.\n\nWait, no, let me back up further.\n\nLast year the WWE entered into a ten year contract to perform Pay Per View events in Saudi Arabia, being paid what could politely be described as "enough money to make you abandon every moral you ever thought you had, and then some". \n\nThis was exemplified when, in the wake of a journalist being brutally beheaded for daring to criticise the Saudi rulers, the WWE decided to buck popular opinion and continue their contract with the unrepentant murderers. They even managed to bring Shawn Michaels out of the one retirement everyone thought wouldn't be reneged on. Still, it's a lot easier to criticise him when we aren't being paid seven figures to play the hits. \n\nThe decision led to a wide boycott of the event, and WWE was happy to let everyone quietly pretend it didn't exist. They even threw caution to the wind and let Hulk Hogan - Hollywood Racist - come back and say a few words, knowing barely anyone would watch it long enough to criticise. \n\nThe culmination of this was a WWE "World Cup" to determine the best in the world at wrestling, which was won by Shane McMahon after he replaced The Miz, who bravely fought the matches before then and got injured in the process. On an unrelated note, Shane McMahon is the son of Vincent Kennedy McMahon, who coincidentally owns the WWE and allowed all this to happen. \n\nAfter The Miz and Shane teamed up and won the Smackdown Tag Team titles to impress their dads, they then lost them super quickly, causing Shane McMahon to turn heel and beat up The Miz right in front of his dad. The Miz's dad, that is. \n\nThere's also a whole thing about Miz's dad not considering The Miz his favourite wrestler, but this description is getting a bit long.\n\nOn the one hand, Shane hasn't won a single match since he returned several years ago. On the other hand, Shane matches are routinely fun, he's known for jumping off of stuff, and this is a Falls Count Anywhere so there's plenty you could do with this one. \n\n\n- [[Familiar friends from Greenwich, Connecticut come to play]]\n\n- [[My dad could beat up your dad]]\n\n- [[Shane's a daredevil, but he's not Daredevil]]\n\n- [[Shane actually wins a match clean for once]] \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

They often say that the whims of Vince McMahon are ever changing, almost to a contradictory level. \n\nYou learn to roll with the punches, but you also can't help but scratch your head in amazement sometimes.\n\nFor example, hypothetically, say that Vince realises that there's too many matches on the card, the show's going to run like eight hours long. Say he gets a bit concerned and then quietly cuts a couple of matches to trim the card down, and we all breathe a sign of relief; some because they can go to sleep earlier, and some because it gives them less to write as they don't have to suddenly write another thousand or so words.\n\nThen, when already pushed to the limit, Vince wakes up that morning, has a particularly well-done steak, and suddenly decides "to heck with it, add another goddamned match to the card, dammit!"\n\nThat's where we are. \n\nUgh. \n\nIt's a fatal four way between the Usos, the Bar, two NXT things, and Rusev and Nakamura. Do a thing, or not.\n\n- [[The Uso Penitentiary is locked down]]\n\n- [[Nakamura Day Arrives]] \n\n- [[Setting the Bar]] \n\n- [[Flippy De Doo Dah]]\n \n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Uggggh. So many matches. WHY.\n\n- [[The Cruiserweight Title Match]]\n\n- [[The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal]]\n\n- [[The Same As Above, But For Women]]\n\n- [[The Smackdown Tag Team Match]]\n\n- [[Daniel Bryan versus Kofi Kingston]]\n\n- [[Shane McMahon versus The Miz]]\n\n- [[Kurt Angle versus Baron Corbin]] \n\n- [[AJ Styles versus Randy Orton]] \n\n- [[Samoa Joe versus Rey Mysterio]] \n\n- [[The Secret John Cena Match]] \n\n- [[Elias' Concert]]\n\n- [[Bobby Lashley versus Finn Balor]]\n\n- [[Roman Reigns versus Drew McIntyre]]\n\n- [[The Women's Tag Team Title Match]]\n\n- [[HHH versus Batista]]\n\n- [[Brock Lesnar versus Seth Rollins]]\n\n- And finally, the confirmed main event, for the first time ever, ever in WWE: [[a main event with actual womz in it]] \n\nGood luck staying awake for 8 hours for all this!

When times are tough, you can always get by with a little help from your friends.\n\nShane McMahon is one such man who knows the value of this, as he used to constantly rely on them when he first began wrestling. Whether it be his friends in the McMahon-Helmsley regime, or elsewhere, Shane has always known the value of friendship.\n\nSomeone else who also knows this is The Miz, who spent a long time travelling with his beloved wife, and has also employed a stunt double in recent years, along with the Miztourage, who The Miz tutored so well that they went on to become Raw Tag Team champions shortly after.\n\nWith that in mind, it's not that much of a surprise when Mike Mizanin is giving a helping hand in the form of The Miz Street Posse!\n\nThat's right, Rodney, Joey Abs and Pete Gas all emerge from a car having done the commute from Greenwich, Connecticut, and set about dismantling their former college buddy with their fabled wrestling move "High Society", allowing their new friend and leader The Miz to pick up the victory. \n\nYou are awarded 3 Russo points, for the amount of new friendships you've seen form today. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

The Usos have a funny relationship with the law, it can be said.\n\nDespite being wardens of their own Penitentiary, they have managed to twice pick up the Tag Team titles days after getting in trouble with law enforcement. \n\nKnowing this, you convince the Usos that the best way to retain their titles is to break the law once again and be caught by the police. This plan however backfires when, unable to decide which of them should be caught being sloppy drunk by law enforcement, a drunken brawl breaks out in a nearby bar, causing both of them to placed in handcuffs. They are both arraigned and are forced to miss the match, forfeiting the titles to another team. \n\nYou don't find out which one, because you were with the Usos at the time of arrest, and assuming one of the Usos would be designated driver, became too inebriated to drive home and were caught with a blood alcohol level described as "wow, that's a lot". \n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, and are placed on Uso House Arrest.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Smackdown Tag Team Match]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Things start off normal enough when Roman and Drew first tussle, and for a while it looks like everything is going to work out just fine. \n\nUntil, suddenly, a large whirring sound pipes up and out comes...\n\nIt's the lunatic fringe himself, Deany Ambrosia! And he's heading to the ring to help his erstwhile buddy, Roman Reigns! \n\nAt least, that's what the audience thinks is about to happen until he dives under the ropes and gives the Big Dog the Dirty Deeds, allowing Drew to pick up the win!\n\nThe audience are gobsmacked owing to the fact that Drew has spent the last few weeks dismantling Ambrose. They then soon remember that Ambrose's contract is running out imminently, and so this will never be followed up on again and an explanation will never come.\n\nClassic Russo, but unfortunately also, classic WWE, so you only get 1 Russo point for this. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

For the last few weeks, wrestling's curmudgeonly singer has been threatening to give the performance of a lifetime at Wrestlemania 35.\n\nWith all the things he could potentially do and say, or the songs he could perform or the people he could be interrupted by, it's slowly dawning on you that... oh for god's sake he's just going to have a match with Cena isn't he?\n\nSurely there's something else that can be done instead?\n\n- [[Elias does a duet with Enzo Amore]]\n\n- [[Elias does a duet with The Honky Tonk Man]]\n\n- [[Elias tries a live performance that will appeal to the gamers in the audience]]\n\n- [[Elias attempts a rap battle]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You sort of prepare for the journey ahead, and use your phone to order a lift from where you live to the arena. Rather than using a conventional yellow taxi, you decide to swerve convention and order an Uber, ignoring how hugely problematic they are in order to swerve conventional tax payers. \n\nYou make the perilous journey from New York, where I assume you still live and refuse to perform even the most perfunctory of Google searches to confirm, to New Jersey, where I did check to clarify that that is indeed where Wrestlemania was taking place. \n\nFortunately, luck befalls you as the driver is a wrestling fan, who praises your immense writing skills by dousing you with a water bottle full of his own spit, which all Uber drivers have for some reason. \n\nAs you enter the building, you wipe yourself off with a beach towel you keep on your person whenever you go out in public, and prepare for Wrestlemania 35. \n\nOr rather, should that be... RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING?\n\nYes. Yes, it should be.\n\nLet's play that thing I just said!\n\n- [[Play RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING]]

It's fair to say that some thing Asuka has not had a fair shake on the main roster. Her undefeated streak went for a while and it looked like she was headed for great things after being the first ever winner of the Women's Royal Rumble. However, soon came Wrestlemania, where she lost clean to a Figure 8 leg lock that wasn't even fully applied, causing her to concede that on that day, Charlotte was indeed prepared for Asuka.\n\nThen things got a bit shakier after she lost twice to James Ellsworth who was then accused of soliciting pictures from underage girls and banned from the company. Asuka spent a couple of months tagging with Naomi, and just when things looked bleak, she was inserted into the TLC match and came out champion, even beating Becky clean at the Royal Rumble before Becky won later in the night. Finally, we were ready for Asuka!\n\n...To languish off-screen for weeks, have one title defence, and then randomly lose to Charlotte with two weeks until Wrestlemania to go. \n\nSo, you figure that the reason nobody takes her seriously anymore is because her gimmick needs tweaking.\n\nIt's true that once she makes her way into the ring that nobody is ready for Asuka, because how can you be prepared for someone in full traditional battle garb, swinging a katana wildly, and feasting on the spilled blood around her?\n\nHer insatiable bloodlust is not relented by the trophy, and it comes to a head when she arrives backstage and comes to your head, swinging it clean off with the katana before she's subdued by 18 tazers and a panzer tank.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, but gain a cool funeral.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Same As Above, But For Women]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

It's been several months since John Cena was last seen on TV or in the WWE, with him supposed to be going into a programme with Lars Sullivan. However, when time came for the feud, people found Lars' old forum posts full of racist vitriol towards Bobby Lashley and lurid comments towards his now-boss Stephanie McMahon, and he was suddenly unable to appear due to panic attacks. It couldn't happen to a nicer person, truly. \n\nIn a move meant to cause intrigue, but instead has inspired confusion, John Cena is definitely going to have a match this Wrestlemania. However, nobody knows who the opponent is, meaning that they're advertising the lead of robot smashing movie Bumblebee in the hopes people will subscribe just to see what he does.\n\nYou know what this means though, right? You get to pick who his opponent is! How exciting!\n\n- [[John Cena debuts a new gimmick against a new heel]] \n\n- [[John Cena versus Undertaker 2: Thuganomics Boogaloo]]\n\n- [[John Cena wrestles with demons]] \n\n- [[John Cena wrestles Nikki Bella]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As the spotlight rises up on Elias, the audience is suddenly made aware that he's not sitting on his stool, and neither is he holding his guitar.\n\nInstead, he's wearing his jeans on backwards, a snapback pointed jauntily to the side, and a tank top that says "Get It Here" with an arrow pointing down towards his genitals. \n\n"Yo yo yo, it's your boy Elias!" He screams into the microphone, his beard now replaced by a teardrop tattoo on one cheek and a tattoo that he thinks says "Ride or Die" in Chinese, but actually reads "Food Poisoning" in Korean. Airhorns blare out obnoxiously. \n\n"I'm fixing to do a little rap battle, who's ready for me to drop some hella dope fresh rhymes in this hizzle?"\n\nThe crowd chant "No!" with a fervour hitherto unseen in WWE. \n\n"Ahhhh, my name is Elias and I'm here to say/\nThat I'm gonna do a rap in a rapping way/\nI'm here to do a funky fresh rhyme/\nThen have an iced tea with some lemon and lime/"\n\nBefore he can continue, he's interrupted by a familiar voice.\n\n"Oh, you didn't know? Your ass better caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallll someboooooooooddddddyyyyyyyyy!"\n\nIt's 2019 Hall of Famer Road Dogg, a man whose propensity for rapping and spitting dope promos is matched only by his ability to spell animal names and refrain from arguing with marks on Twitter! \n\nThe HoF alumni prepares to spit out some bars of his own when he himself is interrupted by "So, you think you're untouchable?"\n\nIt's the Doctor of Thuganomics himself, John Cena! And he's also ready to spit bars as the gimmick he was before everyone hated him forever! \n\nAs Road Dogg and Cena argue over which of them was supposed to come out and interrupt, Elias makes good his escape, but not before scratching a turntable and saying "Wiggity-wiggity-wig out, losers!" before hopping on a skateboard and doing a sick kickflip and a grind on the ring ropes.\n\nYou have earned 3 Russo points and the ire of the rap community.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

If ever there were a finer example of serendipidous writing, it would be this.\n\nIn a gauntlet match before this year's Elimination Chamber to determine who would enter last, the man formerly known as Mustafa Ali was unfortunately injured and Kofi Kingston put in his place. The New Day member went on to wrestle for nearly an hour, nearly won the gauntlet, and was hailed as a hero. \n\nA few days later, we all collectively cheered him on, and groaned when he was stopped by former fan favourite Daniel Bryan, whose evil heel persona is that he wants us all to stop impending catastrophic climate change by making a few small differences to our lifestyles, that mark. \n\nDespite all the obstacles put in front of him by Vince McMahon, Kofi is now finally getting a one-on-one match for the WWE World title in a feel good moment that would be hard to screw up...\n\nRight?\n\n- [[Kofi causes Trouble In Paradise]]\n\n- [[Big Red gets his revenge]]\n \n- [[Pancake Eating Contest]]\n\n- [[Daniel Bryan is saved by some new allies]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

When the announcement comes up that the Kurt match is next, the crowd gets excited, knowing that it's the last time they'll see the Olympic hero in action.\n\nWhat starts to concern them is when they see Baron Corbin start setting up screens and chairs in the middle of the ring with a sign that says "Big Banter Baron's Big Breakfast".\n\nYou see, between A Moment of Bliss, the Kevin Owens Show, Miz TV, the Ambrose Asylum, the Peep Show, the Cutting Edge and the Highlight Reel, WWE figured out that the one thing they don't have enough of is talk show segments.\n\nThus, the BBBBB.\n\nKurt is confused as he makes his way down and sits in a chair, and is only more perplexed as Corbin proceeds to interview him about his life and career so far, pausing to take sips of coffee and deliver a creepy smile that even a serial killer would run away from. \n\nAfter twenty minutes of battling through a chorus of boos, Baron thanks Kurt for his time there today, shakes his hand, then performs the End of Days. The bell rings as Baron knocks off Kurt Angle in a matter of seconds, leaving the man who won medals with a broken neck left staring up at the lights one last time. \n\nYou earn 3 Russo points, and a mug for the show. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As Balor comes out dressed in his traditional Demon face paint, the commentators and audience alike wonder how Lashley could possibly ever beat him, conveniently ignoring the time Samoa Joe beat him in NXT. \n\nHowever, when Lio Rush's smug grin enters the scene, carrying a large crate, it all starts to come into focus. Lashley walks up behind him with a crowbar, and as he starts dismantling the crate, Rush explains their plan.\n\n"You see, we know we can't stop the Demon through conventional means, so we had to find something that would allow us to take the battle to you and end your powers once and for all."\n\nThe tatters of the crate are brushed away, revealing a mystical looking chest and a disheveled archaologist toting a whip.\n\n"I will keep this Intercontinal Championship by any means, Balor, and if that means harnessing the power of the ancients, then so be it!"\n\nIt's too late to stop him as he opens the Ark of the Covenant, melting the faces of himself, Balor, Lio Rush, and everyone in the audience.\n\nIt's a powerful finish, but Vince is furious that Indiana Jones shouted "Shut your eyes, don't look at it!" causing people to turn off their TVs and affecting viewing figures dramatically. As such, you are hidden away with the Ark by "Top Men", and are never heard or seen from again.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points and a potential cameo in the upcoming Indiana Jones 5. \n\n- Go Back To [[Bobby Lashley versus Finn Balor]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]\n

Knowing that Rey's son will be at ringside for whoever knows what reason, you reason that there's no reason he can't be involved in the US title match.\n\nThus, as the competitors make their way to the ring, they're confronted by a pole, on top of which lies the custody papers for Dominic Mysterio. It's an intense struggle, made only more heartbreaking for all mask-wearing fans everywhere when Samoa Joe grabs the papers first, making him Dominic's legal father and leaving him no choice but to beat Rey to a bloody pulp in the middle of the ring. \n\nAs Samoa Joe raises his hand in victory, he picks up Dominic, hoists him over his shoulders, and takes him to Disneyland, his arc of trying to be a good father having begun versus AJ Styles last year finally being complete with a son of his own to look after.\n\nWhile they're celebrating, you also instate 24/7 rules on the US Title, which leads to footage later on in the event of Rey Mysterio eventually winning the title by landing a sick 619 in the middle of the Pirates of the Carribean ride. \n\nYou have earned 5 Russo points, and a later summons to family court. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Having never heard of Australia before, you frantically research what is it. Figuring that nobody else will know what it is either, you decide that the best way to hit gold here is to make sure that the culture of this fine place is represented as best as possible.\n\nDuring the match, just as things start looking bleak for Buddy Murphy, the main theme from Mad Max echoes throughout the arena as out on the entrance ramp arrives Australia's greatest ever cinema star.\n\nKangaroo Jack!\n\nThat's right, the CGI-animated star of the mid-2000s buddy-action crime comedy live-action/animated (according to Wikipedia) starts hopping down the ramp, leaping into the ring in a single bound, before hoofing Tony Nese with one of his huge feet.\n\nWell, in reality it's a dude wearing a green unitard with a load of white balls around it, but they'll put the special effects on it before it broadcasts and nobody will be able to tell the difference. \n\nBuddy Murphy takes advantage of the confusion to pin Nese for the victory! As he celebrates, Kangaroo Jack puts his sunglasses back on and shouts "Cowabunga, me likely this!"\n\nYou didn't actually check if that was his catchphrase or not, but it's too late now.\n\nYou are rewarded with 5 Russo points and the assurance that, like the mawkish CGI rendering of Kangaroo Jack, you have no soul. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You know what's better than one foreign heel?\n\nTwo foreign heels, paired together in a tag team by the sole virtue that they're both not Americans, and are therefore totally evil. \n\nYes I am totally aware The Bar are the same thing, but they're both European, and therefore acceptably foreign to you, Vince Russo.\n\nThis is proven when, owing to a Lana distraction, Nakamura Day pick up the victory over one of the other teams via a Kinshasha-Accolade combo. Uh, let's say it was the NXT flippy boys who tapped.\n\nYou earn 1 Russo point for the one person in the audience vaguely shocked by this outcome. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Look, I'm just going to come out and say it: The Boss and Hug Connection is a terrible tag team name. It's awful. It's stupid. It's trite. It's a poor pastiche on the Rock and Sock connection and... \n\nHold on a second...\n\nOnce the IIconics, Natalya and Beth Phoenix, and Team "Did I Leave The Oven On?" have all made their way into the ring, the audience start cheering for the incumbent Tag Team champions, only to murmur slightly when they escape from Gorilla position with their brand new looks.\n\nBayley seems to be sporting new sunglasses and a tattoo of an angry looking Unicorn on her arm as she yells into a microphone "Can you smellllllllllll, what I'm cooking? It's cookies!" before she throws a bunch of still gooey chocolate chips into the audience. \n\nShe's soon accompanied by Sasha Banks, who is now wearing a tattered work shirt, has cut random chunks out of her head, is wearing a weird leather mask, and is talking to her new friend Mr Pantyhoseo.\n\nThey quickly take advantage of the confusion and dominate the match, which they quickly win when they take out both IIconics at once by simulataneously delivering a devastating "Bayley Buddy Elbow" and "a Mandible Claw but with pantyhose".\n\nYou have earned 3 Russo points, and the knowledge that Mick Foley is going to make a really long blog post about this.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Unlike last year, it's quite hard to be cynical about Roman Reigns right now. I mean, the dude came back from a second cancer diagnosis, had to give up the Universal title, and many of us were genuinely convinced he wouldn't be back for years, if at all.\n\nHis amazing recovery means that he's now here for Wrestlemania. Although his 4 year streak of main-eventing the event has come to a close, there's a great chance that now we'll be able to appreciate his work for a few months before they inevitably chuck him down our throats again and we find ourselves in the ignoble position of hating a dude who beat cancer twice. \n\nHe's facing off against Drew McIntyre, who was looking great and was undefeated for half a year until he lost clean to Dolph Ziggler, who capitalised on this great momentum by disappearing off of the main roster and concentrating on his stand up career. \n\nYou need to find a way to make Roman's return memorable for all the right reasons. Or at least, all the Russo reasons.\n\n- [[Reigns visits the Asylum]]\n\n- [[Reigns visits an Asylum]]\n\n- [[Claymore match]]\n\n- [[Kennel From Hell 2 - Kennel Harder]] \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Unbeknownst to you, and indeed to all of wrestling kind, a brave man is sacrificing himself in order to save all of wrestling kind, his DNA about to permeate all of sports entertainment, permanently. That man? A washed-up 90s wrestler whose most notable achievements were being in an oft-forgotten faction called D-Generation X and appearing in an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. \n\n\nThat man embarked on a series time traveling excursions in a bid to revitalise his career, and in the process, save all of wrestling from itself, and he has just achieved this in the future by giving the time-stream a Fame Asser that echoed throughout time, and not just because he ripped a wicked fart in the process. \n\nIn case you're not aware, the Fame Asser is a move where you take a man's torso and head, place it between your flying buttocks, and hope that they hit the ground before your turd cutters. One man just did it to all of time itself, making his way inside all of you, but not in an LGBT way, to your immense homophobic pleasure. \n\n[[Suddenly, a phone begins to ring]].\n\n

You are Vince Russo. \n\n\nThat’s right, THE Vince Russo. The New Yoikingest man in the world of wrestling, a land where hot sweaty men flip over each other and have to lay on top of the other one for several seconds to prove they are the better one. It also used to be the land where women would take their clothes off and wrestle in gravy, but then feminism happened and now they have to actually have skills and boob jobs are merely optional.\n\n\nYou pine for the good old days. Not least because you used to be one of the world’s most famous and iconic wrestlers around in what some, meaning you, would consider the golden era of WCW, where you rose to prominence as one of their greatest champions after earning a title shot through writing yourself into victory. \n\n\nOh, yeah, I forgot to mention, you’re also fondly remembered as a writer for the WWE, WCW, and TNA, with a penchant for twist endings and an output so stellar that only one of those companies exists today. \n\n\nYour output during your tenure is stuff of legend, with moments considered so memorable that people couldn’t forget them if they actively tried. Seriously, we’ve tried. But truth be told, how is it ever possible to remove from our memory skulls the amount of things you put on a pole, or in one case, a wrestler’s mother on a forklift? The electrified steel cage? The reverse battle royal, where people had to run into the ring to then be thrown out of it? How about making C-List movie man David Arquette WCW World Champion? A move so hotly debated that the man himself nearly killed himself in a death match as an apology to the world for his wrestling crimes. What a mark. \n\n\nStill, people remember it, and thus you are vindicated as the greatest writer of wrestling of all times. It got ratings, bro. \n\n\nYet, here you stand, in your home, not writing wrestling. Sure, you spend a lot of time watching wrestling, talking about wrestling, podcasting about wrestling, and arguing with people on Twitter about wrestling and accusing them all of being gay, which in your addled mind is considered a bad thing to be, and not a clever swerve on the concept of heteronormativity. But writing wrestling? You don’t do that anymore. Sure, there was that opportunity you had last year, but [[nobody seems to remember that]]...

When we last left you, you were busy giving your patented wrestling finishing move, the Fame Asser, where you stick your butt on top of someone else and slam them into the ground, to all of time and space itself, but only where it applies to wrestling.\n\nYou are slowly becoming one with all of wrestling itself. Your DNA is being interwoven with every wrestler who has ever existed, or will exist. With every booker, production manager, every corporation, and every chair shot. \n\nYou am become wrestling, the destroyer of worlds. \n\nDo you:\n\n- [[Continue melding into all of wrestling itself]].\n\n- [[Try to escape]].

As may have been mentioned before, one of the reasons this rivalry is so tense is that both men want to make their fathers proud of them. Vince McMahon is clearly more impressed with Stephanie's legacy, while Miz's dad couldn't even be bothered to help stop his son from being beaten down.\n\nAs the fighting takes them out of the ring and into gorilla position, you see Vince McMahon take off his headset and stop barking orders to the commentators for three seconds of his life. He picks up a steel chair, and...\n\nBY GAWD, he hits Shane with it! \n\nVince starts brutally chair-shotting Shane, who can only do nothing as Miz's dad also swaps allegiances, but is perfectly content to watch Shane be beaten up and not get involved. \n\nAfter The Miz pins Shane, he tearfully embraces his new father, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and they go off to play a game of catch while the show cuts to a commercial break. \n\nThe Miz goes on to become Mike MizMahon, and on top of another WWE title run, also finds himself with a cushy executive job in the years to come.\n\nShane is given a consolatory prize of the reality show Shane O Mac And Mrs, which is quietly cancelled during the first episode's commercial break.\n\nYou earn 5 Russo points, as well as a harsh lesson about TV ratings.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Here's the thing about a Becky Lynch victory at Wrestlemania: you want it, I want it, we all want it. The WWE Universe has been clamouring for it since we first got a sniff at the idea that the women could potentially headline, and it only seems right, if slightly paradoxical, that The Man wins both Women's championships. \n\nThe question is, how?\n\nAs if to stack the odds against her even harder, Becky is attacked earlier in the show by Ronda, finally making good on her promise to punch her in the face for real for saying mean stuff about her on Twitter.\n\nLater on in the evening, Charlotte, who has managed to get through this entire build up by essentially copying everyone else, does the same thing and gives Becky another right wallop. \n\nWith two vicious assaults before her big main event, we all question if Becky will actually win, even though it's super obvious she will and this level of defying the odds is something even the most ardent fan of Attitude Era Stone Cold would say "woah, this is a bit much, we get it, they'll win".\n\nAs if to make this even more obvious, when Ronda and Charlotte are already in the ring, there's a pause when it looks like Becky won't be able to appear due to the beatings she's just taken. Suddenly, the sound of glass smashing echoes throughout the MetLife as Becky makes her grand entrance in a beer truck, even though it makes absolutely no sense for her to do that considering that she was taken away in an ambulance after her prior beatings. \n\nShe jumps on top of the beer truck and sprays both Charlotte and Ronda with gallons of Guinness before downing a bunch herself, wiping her mouth, and jumping into the ring to start wrestling.\n\nDuring the bout, Vince McMahon comes out and tries every devious trick in the book to make sure Charlotte or Ronda wins, only for Becky to stick up both middle fingers and give both opponents sickening Stone Cold Stunners to the delight of the crowd. Vince rolls into the ring with a steel chair, only to get a stunner himself. Her nemesis subdued, she pins Ronda for the 1-2-3 and becomes the first ever Undisupted champion for the women. \n\nAs she hoists the titles aloft on the turnbuckle, she catches two cans of Guinness, cracking them open and pouring them down her throat. When Charlotte gets back up and offers a handshake, Becky obliges and passes her a new can. Charlotte knocks her can against Becky's as if to say "cheers" and takes a sip, only for Becky to kick her in the mid-section and deliver another thunderous stunner!\n\nAs Wrestlemania closes, Becky starts getting sloppy drunk in the middle of the ring, the camera shutting off when she heads back over to the Guinness truck and straight up puts her mouth over the hose before turning it on.\n\nYou earn 1 Russo point, which is as many pints of Guinness you can drink before you start getting odd bowel movements the next morning.\n\n[[And with that, Wrestlemania 35 is over]]!

After what seems like a few months of interest, the WWE decided to gladly expose how shallow their women's division is by introducing Women's Tag Team Titles and having them be won by one of the only two combinations of women on the roster that were actually regularly pairing up. \n\nTo rub it in that bit further, the titles are cross-brand between Raw, Smackdown, NXT, and NXT UK in the vain hopes that they can use the rotation between brands to build up some realistic competitors in the meantime. For now, they belong to Sasha Banks and Bayley, who this time last year were in a fierce rivalry that went on to go absolutely bloody nowhere.\n\nThe first team facing the champs are Nia Jax and Tamina; one is injury prone, while the other is prone to injuring. \n\nNext up, the IIconics, two best friends from Australia who should have won them in the first place because they're seriously the only women who have been a tag team for more than three months. \n\nFinally, there's Natalya being joined by Hall of Famer Beth Phoenix, who until very recently was retired and content to be one of the people they bought out whenever they needed a woman to commentate on things.\n\nThis has the potential to either be really good or a potential disaster, and only you can make sure it's one of those two things!\n\n- [[The Glamazon Strikes]] \n\n- [[The Boss And Hug Connection get too into their namesake gimmick]]\n\n- [[An IIconic Wrestlemania]]\n\n- [[Tamina Snukas the Competition]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You try to escape, but unfortunately, you can't stop delivering a Fame Asser to all of time and space - where it pertains to wrestling - until you hit the ground.\n\nHowever, you may never hit the ground. \n\nYou have no choice.\n\nYou must [[continue to merge with all of wrestling itself]].

For many years, Randy Orton has been known as the Viper, and he is often referred to as a snake, and not least because of Indian marks taking things way too seriously. \n\nHowever, you think there may be something in the idea, and you've also recently watched all three Human Centipede movies and the film Tusk by Kevin Smith. What a wild date night that was, your wife almost kissed you! \n\nIt's been so long. \n\nAJ Styles makes his way to the ring, looking phenomenal as he always does, and he stares at the entrance ramp awaiting Randy Orton like every face always does, ignoring that he can generally come out from nowhere. It's kind of his thing, right? \n\nThis time however, Styles is right, as Randy Orton slowly limps out to the ring, covered in tens of snakes, and bleeding profusely from where they've all been awkwardly stapled over his body. \n\n"Oh my god, he's become the viper!" one of the Smackdown! commentators shouts. Tom, probably. \n\nRandy continues to try to slither down the aisle, but as soon as he rolls into the ring he is bitten by one of the still alive snakes and passes out. \n\nAJ is told to pin him, but is also bitten by the same snake and also passes out.\n\nThe next day, Cornette starts showing off his Russo-skin boots to anyone who'll care to look. \n\nYou lose 2 Russo points. Say fangs that it wasn't any more than that.\n\n- Go Back to [[AJ Styles versus Randy Orton]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Thank you for playing. \n\nIt's been a lot of fun writing these, but this is sadly where the journey ends.\n\nThank you to Chris Coleman, Andrew Tanner, Ross Bell, Martin Brain and Sam Hart, and all Ring The Bell members past and present. \n\nIt's been a pleasure, genuinely. In fact I'm so sincere, I'm not even going to make a comment about how I went over, apart from that one.\n\nSo, for one last time, let's Ring The Bell!

You Are Billy Gunn. The Ass Man. You were part of D-Generation X once. \n\nHowever, due to your time-travelling shenanigans, where you went back in time to fix right what went wrong in your wrestling past, you've somehow been excised from the Hall of Fame 2019, where your fellow faction members are being celebrated, but for some reason, you are not. \n\nThis will not stand. You must now find a way to fix the time-stream in such a way that you can keep all the changes you made in [[The Ballad of Billy Gunn 3: Time Asster]], while also still being able to get to the Hall of Fame ceremony on time as an inductee. \n\nWelcome to [[The Ballad of Billy Gunn 4: Time Waits For No Ass]].\n

Figuring that the match doesn't seem very excited from its premise, you decide to try and make the wrestlers as hyped up as you want the audience to be for the bout. \n\nYou aren't able to find AJ before he makes his entrance, but you are able to find the master of the RKO himself, and hand him some pills you found in your cupboard to give him some well-needed pep in his step. He doubts you, but takes them anyway before his cue. \n\nFor some reason, you decide that now is the perfect time to check what's actually written on the bottle of pills. Spanish Fly, eh? Well if anything, maybe it'll make him more likely to do some luchadore flips that the marks love so much. \n\nThose who've played the first Leisure Suit Larry game know however, that Spanish Fly is an aphrodisiac. Orton soon discovers this himself when, faced with a thunderous erection, he starts rubbing himself up against AJ Styles a bit too vigorously.\n\nStill presumably homophobic, AJ is creeped out by this and leaps away, tripping on a rope and knocking himself out cold, leaving him easy prey for the pinfall. \n\nOrton spends precious few seconds in the ring before dashing backstage to rub several out. \n\nYou have earned 3 Russo points, as many cold showers as AJ Styles is now taking to forget what just happened to him.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Finally, a result that makes sense. \n\nThe two Australian best buddies take advantage of the fact that they're the only competitors in this that are actually a tag team, and promptly set about getting absolutely pummeled by everyone else. It's truly a sight to behold as each of the teams set about completely dismantling the IIconic duo and leaving them more streuthed than a shrimp on the barbie, or whatever it is they do in Australia.\n\nWith the duo seemingly down and out for the count, they bide their time until Nia and Tamina hit their finishers on the Boss and Hug connection, tripping the Samoan Mouth Breathers and rolling them out of the ring to hit the pinfall on the champions.\n\nWith everything right in the world again, you congratulate yourself on their victory by offering a threesome and getting immediately and embarrassingly shot down. \n\nYou have earned 1 Russo point for the amount of additional Is in IIconic, and the total amount of people sleeping in your bed tonight. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Despite having been on the main roster for literal weeks, these two NXT callups have had the audacity to not win either pair of the Tag Team titles yet. \n\nHowever, you know of one way they can possibly do this. \n\nWhen the competitors arrive, they're confronted by a diving board and a panel of judges. Each team is expected to do a cool trick off of the board and land successfully below, and the team with the highest score wins.\n\nRusevmura are the first to be eliminated when Nakamura continues to phone in his main roster career, and The Bar are next to follow when the wind sweeping through Sheamus' mohawk prevents him from sticking the landing. \n\nThe Usos are the last to be eliminated, owing to their big trick being a big splash, which is nothing compared to the triple backflip corkscrew twist that Ricochet manages to do before he's even left the diving board. \n\nYou earn 3 Russo points, if only because nobody expects you to give anyone capable of doing cool flips a title belt.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

It's the big day! You've got the main event card ahead of you, and also the pre-show for some reason, as if people care about that, and you prepare to start booking!\n\nWait, there are HOW many matches this year?\n\nGood grief. \n\nYou're going to need a whole bunch of swerves to make this one entertaining. \n\nIt's finally time for RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING!\n\nLet's go to [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]!

Brock has been waiting in the ring for two whole minutes and is starting to look a little impatient. Just as he's about to turn a new shade of red and purple I like to call rurple, a familiar voice can be heard. \n\n"Alright, partner, gonna keep on Rollins baby, you know what time it is..."\n\nThe audiences' jaws are collectively agape as Seth Rollins comes out in baggy pants, a white tee, and a red baseball cap. A guitar wails brings in a familiar early 2000s guitar loop as Seth takes to the mic.\n\nHold on a second, is this...?\n\n"Now I know you be loving this stuff right here!\nS-E-T-H Rollins is right here! \nPeople in the house put your hands in the air, cos if you don't care, then we don't care!"\n\nOh god, it's Limp Bizkit. \n\nNobody can escape as Seth showers the audience with a chorus of "Keep Rollins, Rollins, Rollins, Rollins, WHAT" before the match is mercifully cut short by Lesnar delivering eighteen F5's in a row, ending Rollins' championship hopes and any chance of this gimmick getting off the ground.\n\nYou earn 3 Russo points, and an assurance that one day, Nu Metal will rise from the grave and be relevant again, promise. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

If you've not played it, you can actually do so here\n\nhttp://philome.la/Jokesound/the-ballad-of-billy-gunn-3-time-asster\n\nOtherwise, [[start the game]], by which I mean this one, Ballad 4.

Sure, everyone loves seeing a good old-fashioned tournament to decide a number one competitor, or a world champion. You would know, after all, you wrote the Deadly Games Survivor Series, one of the more iconic twists of the WWE Attitude Era. \n\nBut you know what would have improved it? If people spent all that time waiting for the outcome of the tournament, only for it all to end in a no-contest, dragging out the proceedings even further.\n\nIt's brilliant! It'll be a great pay-off to everything so far, and will make them more likely to tune in to see what happens on the next PPV's pre-show!\n\nJust ignore the vitriol from the crowd. They'll grow to appreciate it in time.\n\nYou have earned 3 Russo points.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You know how the saying goes, if at first you don't succeed, do it again with different people and see if it cuts out this time. \n\nSo, like a student who thinks his new teacher won't find out he's just copied his own homework from last year, you change the stipulation to one that looks startingly pro-Roman, a Kennel from Hell match.\n\nWhen fans see the first cell, they're excited, but that excitement soon abates when they see the second one encircle it, followed by a load of barking dogs.\n\nUnfortunately, you only specified that the dogs be vicious, not that they also look intimidating, which becomes readily apparent when a horde of Chihuahuas, Yorkshire Terriers, and a couple of Greyhounds sprint nervously down the ramp, followed by a couple of older, crazier dogs who were bought up in horrible living conditions and were used in dog fights. \n\nThings do not improve when during the match, Drew is accidentally speared through one of the sides of the initial cage, spooking some of the dogs and causing them to bite the biggest dog there, Roman Reigns. \n\nYou also did not check to see if the dogs had all their shots. \n\n\n"HOW-MANY-TIMES-DO-WE-HAVE-TO-TEACH-YOU-THIS-LESSON-OLD-MAN?!" is screamed at you as Cornette slathers you in cold meat juices and sets the dogs on you while a rabid Roman is put down out back.\n\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points. Maybe this time you'll learn some new tricks, old dog.\n\n- Go Back To [[Roman Reigns versus Drew McIntyre]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You are Vince Russo.\n\nYou must make sure that Wrestlemania 35 is the greatest event it can be, in a way that only you can. \n\nWhere many writers would try to make sure that the fans are satisfied, that story arcs are completed, or make sense, you choose to be different. Instead, you make sure that there are constant surprises, twist endings, nonsensical turns, and above all, keep the audience constantly surprised. \n\nNow, you must do it to the year's most important event of men grappling each other, as well as their own emotions, I guess. \n\nYou must now go through the entire card and rewrite it, making sure to cater to your strengths in order to create the most memorable event ever. \n\nFor each match result, you'll be given a corresponding amount of Russo points. The more you swerve the audience, the more points you get. The more points you have at the end, the [[better the ending you'll earn]]. \n\nHowever, there is a limit to your madness. To make sure you don't go too overboard, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, a man who can still bench press you at his ripe old age of infinity years old, has employed your erstwhile rival Jim Cornette. You still have a restraining order against him due to the fact he once comically claimed that he'd murder you for crimes against writing. Also, the fact you repeatedly tried to get him fired out of several jobs, have backstabbed him repeatedly, and make a mockery of his ideal form of wrestling by even existing. \n\nThus, you must make sure to swerve effectively, but not so much that Vince McMahon can be convinced by Cornette to let him kill you with the tennis racquet he used to carry around with him all the time when he was a wrestling manager. \n\n[[So, let's summarise]].

For the last few years, the WWE has decided to put a bunch of wrestlers with no real story or plans the opportunity to throw each other over a top rope in order to win a trophy and the vague promise of a push for several weeks before they languish back into catering, only used when commentary wants to mention they won a thing once. \n\nI bet if I asked you right now, you wouldn't even be able to name everyone who has won the trophy, how they did so, and what they went on to do after. Seriously, you wouldn't have a clue even if you tried. \n\nSuch nobodies who have won this thing include Who?saro, Who?bin Corbin, Mojo Who?ley, and last year, Matt Who?dy. I think I saw one of them on a Missing Poster recently. \n\nThere's got to be something interesting you can do this year to make it worth people getting invested in proceedings, but how could you pull it off?\n\n- [[One of the SNL guys wins]]\n\n- [[Braun Strowman wins]]\n\n- [[Steel cage battle royal]]\n\n- [[Make it into a tag battle royal match where the final team then have to pin each other to win]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Uh-oh. That didn't turn out the way you expected it to.\n\nIn fact, I don't think many people were expecting it to turn out this way at all.\n\nDespite your attempts, this Wrestlemania has not been Russo'd enough, and thus by your standards is a total disaster. \n\nYou aim to make your escape, hoping that you can be out of New Jersey and back in New York before anyone can realise that despite your promises, you've delivered a dud of a Russomania.\n\nYou peek out your door to see Vince McMahon beat a hasty number towards you. You slam the door and lock it, leaving loud knocks and "Dammit!"s to permeate your eardrums.\n\nYou have no choice, you need to take the window.\n\nYou open it up and try to climb out, only to fall into a small dog cage that locks on top of you. A richtus grin greets you as Jim Cornette heaves the cage into the back of a truck, and drives for what feels like hours. \n\nWhen you next wake up, you see a beam of light. You make to move towards it, as if to plead with it, but to no avail. \n\n"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" The beam of light asks.\n\n"Bro, I swear to gaaawd-"\n\n"SILENCE!" It booms. You protest, but find yourself no longer able to talk.\n\n"This godddamned idiot has ruined the course of wrestling for good, hasn't he?" Cornette asks it.\n\n"YES. HE MUST BE PUNISHED."\n\n"Well goddamn, why didn't you ask me sooner?" Cornette asks with glee.\n\nIt turns out that Cornette and the beam of light, which you slowly begin to understand is actually the time stream of all wrestling, have a deal. Cornette can reverse your irrepairable damage to the timestream, but he needs a sacrifice. \n\nYou.\n\nYou try to plead for your life, but you cannot speak. You try to run, but you cannot move. You are held up by Cornette as the beam of light reaches out to you.\n\nYou can only manage one last "bro" as the light grips you, filling you with immeasurable pain, and then exploding you into cosmic dust. \n\nYou have achieved the worst ending, and have been sacrified in order to fix the time stream and prevent your actions ruining wrestling forever.\n\n[[The End.]]

It's a tightly called match, as Rey leapfrogs over the powerhouse of Samoa Joe in a desperate attempt to keep the upper hand.\n\nSadly, his efforts will soon be for naught as, just when he's about to hit the 619 and put Joe away for good, Andrade interferes for some reason. Sure, he's been feuding with Rey for ages, so that would seem like a logical reason, but it confuses itself when he fishes Samoa Joe out of the ropes, only to accidentally whip him with his luxurious hair. \n\nJoe stumbles backways, leaving him easy prey for a small package, allowing Rey to pick up the victory and proving to everyone that he is a better American, or whatever this feud was about. Meanwhile, Andrade is forced to flee as Samoa Joe chases him out the ring with a pair of scissors, threatening the man's imminent deal with shampoo manufacturers. \n\nYou have earned 1 Russo Point, and a weird desire to start using more conditioner. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

In a Falls Count Anywhere match, there's feasibly nowhere you can't go to make sure that you pick up the victory. This match is no different, as the brawl throughout the MetLife arena slowly finds the duo of Shane McMahon and The Miz followed by a beleagured referee into the streets of New York. \n\nThe citizens of the city are first surprised but then leave them to it, figuring that this is just another typical mugging. The police, thinking likewise and realising none of the people fighting are black, do the same. \n\nNo matter what Shane does, he's not quite able to put away The Miz, and his increasingly bizarre stunts leave him no closer to victory. \n\nSensing that he needs to do some sort of horrific, body-destroying stunt to pick up the W, their brawl leads them to Ellis Island. \n\nShane lays out The Miz, then spends twenty minutes climbing to the top of the Statue of Liberty, before attempting to unleash a wicked elbow drop onto his foe below. As he leaps, he only realises partway down that The Miz managed to get up and roll out of the impact zone some time ago, and there's nobody waiting for his move below.\n\nOfficially, the police rule it a suicide. Later, the trail is picked up by erstwhile Hell's Kitchen superhero Daredevil, who makes sure that you're arrested for your crimes.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, but gain two new bunkmates in jail, so it's not all bad. \n\n- Go Back to [[Shane McMahon versus The Miz]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As John Cena's match is announced as coming up next, the crowd is on tenterhooks to find out who he could possibly be up against.\n\nThe first surprise is the Undertaker appears, fresh from his appearance in 2018's worst rated match of the year at Crown Jewel. \n\nThe second is that John Cena's Basic Thuganomics theme starts blaring out, the 16 time champ having decided that the only option is going old school.\n\nHowever, it's not enough to overcome the Deadman, who still easily pins Cena for the victory despite Cena trying to use the chain as a weapon once again. \n\nAs his music hits, the Undertaker grabs a microphone. the audience hushes itself, expecting great things.\n\n"The reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated!! I’ve made some serious lifestyle changes in an attempt to offset the years of physical abuse my body has endured. One of the major changes was losing 25lbs. Goal reached! I wanted to thank @nutritionsolutions for the meal prep! I really appreciate the help getting my diet dialed in. Remember, you can follow me on Instagram via @Undertaker! #iaintdoneyet"\n\nWith that, he marches off, his transition into influencer complete.\n\nYou earn 1 Russo point, a paltry figure near to Undertaker's 1.8 million followers on Instagram.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

For many, Wrestlemania is a happy time and place, full of some of their greatest victories and some of their worst defeats.\n\nFor Daniel Bryan it's both, owing to his eighteen second defeat against Sheamus and his triumphant victory to become undisputed champion at the end of Wrestlemania 30. \n\nFor his bearded sidekick Rowan, it's the source of his greatest defeat, when he was part of the record-breaking match against The Rock where he lost faster than anyone else ever had at the showcase of the immortals. Ever since, Big Red has been biding his time, waiting, until...\n\nAs The New Day come out to the ring, they announce that they have a special guest with them, who introduces himself with an almighty "If YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"\n\nIt's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, fresh off of whatever movie he's in now, and he's here at Wrestlemania! He enters the ring to wave to the fans, and suddenly he's hit with Rowan's finisher which is, according to extensive googling, a Full Nelson Slam?\n\nThe bell rings and Rowan covers him for the pin successfully! It's a new record, as Big Red has won a match in four seconds! He stands over The Rock, taunting him for not expecting revenge, when he's handed the WWE Championship. He holds it aloft over Dwayne, before heading backstage, followed by a baffled Daniel Bryan and Kofi Kingston.\n\nYou earn 5 Russo points, one for each month Rowan goes on to hold the title for.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Ugh, what?\n\nAre you totally sure about this?\n\nFine! \n\nYou tell them to go out there and have a good, clean match with no interference spots or anything. \n\nIt's great, everyone loves it and it pumps up the crowd accordingly. Later, that eternal mark Dave Meltzer gives it 4 stars or something, but they're still relegated to the pre-show.\n\nYou could have done better than this.\n\nYou win 1 Russo Point. Do you even know how you're meant to play this? You sicken me.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring, accompanied by his roadie, he's disgusted and horrified to see that there are two tables, stacked super high with pancakes.\n\nHe implores the audience to not want to see this, calling them fickle for the fact they'd rather see this than a wrestling match. He then explains that he refuses to eat any of the pancakes, as his have undoubtedly been made with eggs and butter, and thus are not compatible with his vegan lifestyle.\n\nIt is explained to him that if he doesn't comply with this eating competition, he'll be forced to relinquish the title, and also that his were made nice and vegan just in case he complained. Pretending that vegan pancakes are better anyway, he reluctantly agrees to the competition.\n\nKofi, meanwhile, is beaming from ear to ear, having done a lot of cardio in preparation and thus craving some delicious carbs. Also his whole gimmick is that he likes pancakes or whatever.\n\nThe bell rings, and Kofi and Daniel start munching down on some sweet, sweet batter. Butter flies as Kofi hormphs down as many plates as he can, pausing only to pour more syrup on. Daniel, militant vegan he is, pauses only to call the crowd fickle.\n\nSadly, no matter how much he claims otherwise, vegan pancakes are just a tinier bit more dry than regular ones, and when he gets a bad bout of the hiccups he falls too far behind Kofi and the New Day star is declared the champion!\n\nYou win 3 Russo points, which is about how many pancakes you can eat before you get a bit of a dicky tummy.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Stepping out of gorilla position to the strains of "They don't want none", a fine double negative, AJ Styles is minorly perplexed by the presence of a wooden cask in the middle of the ring.\n\nHe gingerly makes his way towards it, expecting Randy Orton to pop out of it and give him a pounding. Instead, however, there is a stool next to it with two small glasses. AJ opens the top of the barrel expecting a battle, but instead finds a cask full of alcohol. \n\nHe dips his glass in, swirls the liquid around, and takes a sip, even giving that satisfied "Ahh!" people do when they drink alcohol. Styles places the glass carefully on the stool, turns around, and immediately eats a devasting RKO from Randy, who quickly pins him for the victory. \n\nRandy then takes the other glass, puts it in the cask, swirls it, and receives the microphone he has requested from ringside. He stares down the camera lense, before giving a creepy simple. \n\n"Brandy Orton! Now that's a smooth taste... outta nowhere!" He smiles, as he takes a smooth, cool, refreshing sip of his beverage and winks directly at the camera. \n\nHe drinks another glass, then spills the rest of the barrel over AJ Styles before making his way backstage.\n\nThe Brandy sells out immediately.\n\nYou have earned 5 Russo points and two bottles of Brandy Orton to take home for your efforts.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

It's time to play The Game!\n\nFortunately, if you're at this point, then you're well over halfway through said game and the end is in sight, so good for you!\n\nMeanwhile, the wrestler called HHH who is often referred to as his moniker of "The Game" is about to face off against a man who is referred to as "The Animal" Batista. \n\nThis all started years ago, when they were part of the same faction, but it only really gets interesting in the last few years when the coffee-drinking Barista joined the cast of Guardians of the Galaxy, propelling his acting career to previously unthought of heights. \n\nThis was a surprise to the WWE, who laughed at him and thought the movie would flop, much like HHH's multiple desperate forays into Hollywood stardom.\n\nRecently, the Emmental Bacheeseta has decided to take time off from being in some of the highest grossing movies of all time in order to do a wrestle before he goes on to continue making ridiculous amounts of money by pretending to be a strong but kind of dumb hoss. \n\nMeanwhile, HHH realised that Kurt Angle was getting too much attention for retiring from pro wrestling, and, still jealous over Stephanie's crush on him in the Attitude Era, has decided that if he loses this match he'll also retire, just like Kurt Angle. \n\nSo essentially, he's almost definitely winning.\n\nI wonder if there's a way you can spice up this almost foregone conclusion.\n\n- [[Batista finally reveals what he wants]]\n\n- [[Wrestlemania becomes WrestWOOMania]]\n\n- [[Send this infinite war into Endgame]] \n\n- [[HHH actually loses clean and stays retired]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

The match begins smoothly, the two foes locking wits, grappling, and slowly taking each other apart. \n\nBefore long however, Kofi starts definitively getting the upper hand, and the crowd is reaching a fever pitch. Chants of "Kofimania!" fill the arena. It looks like he's finally about to do it when Daniel shouts "Now!" and the lights all turn off, casting the room into darkness.\n\nAs the lights turn on, the referee has been disposed of, and in his place are tens of unwashed deviants.\n\n"Oh god, it's PETA!"\n\nThat's right, the People for the Ethical Treatement of Animals have stormed the ring! Referring to Daniel Bryan as their leader, they slowly take apart the ring, and drag the New Day away, seeking to punish them for spreading awareness of how delicious pancakes are, causing an untold increase in the amount of butter and eggs being used in America. \n\nThe crowd boo as PETA cover them in animal blood, collected from the ninety-five percent of animals killed in their care within twenty-four hours of receiving them. \n\nAs Daniel Bryan holds his hands aloft in victory, referring to himself as the greatest of all time, PETA turn on him too for appropriating goats. \n\nThey don't stop. They can't be stopped. They continue to dismantle the arena and punish everyone backstage for their crimes against animals, committing many serious human crimes in the process. You are one of their victims when they discover how much leather you have on your person: a single belt. \n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, and the assurance that your support should go to Greenpeace or the RSPCA as they love animals and care about the environment, but aren't total hypocrites about it.\n\n- Go back to [[Daniel Bryan versus Kofi Kingston]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Over the last few years, HHH has talked a big game, only for The Game to lose at Wrestlemania. His last victory was against Sting, who went on to be so old that his neck broke in the middle of a standard bump. \n\nIt's clear that Hunter Hearst Helmsley has too much on his plate as well, what with running NXT and NXT UK on top of his regular wrestling duties, and something's got to give. Unfortunately for him, it's his career as a wrestler, as during the match he takes Batista Bomb after Batista Bomb, and no matter what he does he can't reverse the momentum. \n\nEventually, he goes for his patented move of "hitting someone with a sledgehammer which should be illegal but somehow still isn't", misses, and is caught in a particularly devastating version of Drax the Destroyer's finisher, giving the Marvel Universe a clean victory over the realm of sports entertainment. \n\nSurprising everyone, HHH actually keeps to his word, no matter how much Saudi money is thrown his way, and he goes on to have a healthy life outside of the ring, able to bring NXT to new heights before taking on the mantel of head of WWE after Vince McMahon passes on this mortal coil. HHH is killed by the ghost of his father-in-law several days later, and the company continued to be run by Vince for many decades to come. Some say they can still hear Vince shout "Wooooooo! I should have become a ghost years ago, dammit!" if they listen hard enough. \n\nYou earn 5 Russo points, and the knowledge that HHH will definitely haunt you as a ghost, no matter who you call.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Even though we've done this system twice before, I've still not checked if Twine can actually tally the points manually, so, honour system all the way. \n\nSo, when we get to the screen with all the different possible endings, whatever you do, don't cheat, okay? \n\nRight, that should work.\n\n- [[Play RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING]]

As soon as all of the competitors make their way inside the ring, a steel cage drops around them. \n\nThe announcer tells the audience that the rules are still the same, but now everyone must be thrown over the top of the steel cage to be eliminated.\n\nWhat you didn't think about before deciding on this was how notoriously hard it is to get people over the top of cages. In fact, usually, getting over them is how you win a match!\n\nThe Singh brothers are the first eliminated as Braun Strowman throws them clear over the top of the steel cage and into the lower stratosphere, before they collapse in a heap outside of the ring, breaking at least a limb each on impact. \n\nThe rest don't come easy, and Strowman soon makes short work of the remaining competitors, lobbing each of them off or over the steel cage like paper balls. Lastly, he makes his way to the SNL members who are inexplicably in this match, ties them both into a preztel, and drop kicks them out of the ring.\n\nBraun celebrates in the middle of the ring, holding the trophy aloft while nearly everyone else involved is left injured and out of action for several months. \n\nUnfortunately for them, they're all covered by independant contracter status and do not apply for health insurance. Unfortunately for you, the SNL members sue for breach of contract and the WWE is sued.\n\nThe case is eventually settled out of court when they're convinced by Cornette to let Braun shoot beat you until you're in a full body cast.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, and any opportunity to guest star on Saturday Night Live.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Only three things in life are certain:\n\nDeath, taxes, and the McMahon’s going over in the end.\n\n\nWhen a particularly awesome looking Charlotte moonsault leaves every competitor lying hurt in the ring, a figure runs out into the match. On closer inspection it appears to be Stephanie McMahon, holding a small lunchbox.\n\n\n“My god! It’s the McMahon In The Bank case! She’s cashing in!!”\n\n\nThe bell rings again, and the announcer informs the audience that Stephanie McMahon has now entered the match as a competitor! \n\n\nShe towers over Becky, and gives her the weakest looking pedigree of all time. It is however, easily enough to put away Lynch and crown Stephanie both the Raw and Smackdown Women’s champion! \n\n\nMichael Cole tearfully yells into the microphone “She gave us the women’s revolution, and now she IS the women’s revolution! If ever there was the time for a YES chant, it’s now!” As the entire women’s roster hoist her over their shoulders and parade her around the arena, Yes chanting all the way.\n\n\nYou are awarded 5 Russo points, you monster.\n\n[[And with that, Wrestlemania 35 is over]]!

For twenty years, the wrestling world has been informed of the three Is - Integrity, and the IIconics. \n\nWait, no, sorry, that's Integrity, Intensity, and Intelligence. \n\nWith one of the greatest rookie years ever in WWE, which saw him win the WWE title, and a stellar few years that saw him feud with Stone Cold Steve Austin, lose his hair, and slowly become crippingly addicted to painkillers, it's hard to deny the impact that Kurt Angle has had on the world of sports entertainment. \n\nAfter a ten year sabbatical where nobody knows where he went, he suddenly appeared back on our screens, became the General Manager of Raw, and then spent what feels like four years feuding with Baron Corbin but is probably actually only like, a year tops. \n\nIt truly is the feud nobody asked for, needed, or actually wants, and when it was announced that Kurt's final match ever would be with a man who could charitably be referred to as "a wrestler on Raw", everyone was mad, especially now they've said it's not a joke and Kurt's not actually gonna wrestle Cena or something cool and interesting. \n\nThe crowd aren't looking forward to this one, Russo, you need to make sure you send off Angle's career in a way only you can!\n\n- [[Big Banter Baron's Big Breakfast]]\n\n- [[It’s genuinely just a match against Baron Corbin and there’s no deeper swerve]]\n\n- [[Angle retires Corbin]] \n\n- [[Angle delivers a startling revelation has he hands over the torch]] \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

The sky once seemed like the limit for Finn Balor. When he debuted on the main roster, he was instantly rocketed into the title picture, becoming the first ever Universal Champion for a day until he was side-lined with an injury. \n\nWhen he returned, you'd never have guessed that this man was a former champion, as he languished from storyline to storyline, coming close to sniffing the Intercontinental Championship only to lose out several times over. \n\nEarlier this year however, he finally proved himself again by beating human meat slab Bobby Lashley, whose sole achievements since returning from Impact! Wrestling have been... uh... winning the IC belt and pinning Roman Reigns clean, only for Roman to get the Universal title opportunity anyway. \n\nIt all looked good for Balor again, until he randomly lost to Lashley again. \n\nSo once again, he must prove himself by beating someone he's technically already beaten in a two on one handicap match, except this time it's a one-on-one. However, it is at one of the bigger events of the year, meaning that Balor's Demon alter-ego is likely to make an appearance and turn the tide further in his favour.\n\nUnless... well, I wonder what else could happen?\n\n- [[Lashley reaches into folklore to find the only thing that can stop the demon]]\n\n- [[Finn uses the Demon but loses]]\n\n- [[Finn is banned from becoming the Demon and must find another way to even the odds]] \n\n- [[A No Politics Barred Match]] \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You begin to let go of your mortal form, knowing this is for the best.\n\nSlowly, you [[continue to merge with all of wrestling itself]].

You always have a contingency in case things go wrong, and in this circumstance, you definitely do: a trusty pair of time goggles, allowing you to back in time and fix what once went wrong!\n\nYou've not actually used them yet however, but now seems like the perfect time.\n\nIn retrospect, it maybe would have made more sense to go back in time and fix a bunch more stuff than what you did particularly wrong tonight, but that's exactly what the time stream would expect you to do. What a mark.\n\nYou open up the drawer in your desk where the goggles are kept, and find a note.\n\n"Borrowed these. Consider it payback for last year.\n\nxoxo Billy Gunn, the Ass Man.\n\nP.S. The Os stand for hugs and the Xs stand for kisses, both of which you can do to my ass. \n\nP.P.S. Don't actually hug my ass, that would be weird.\n\nP.P.P.S. Kiss my ass. Signed, the Ass Man."\n\nYou're not sure who took your time goggles, but they feel familiar to you, almost as if they're a part of you, but not in that way. If you ever find out who they are and why they took your goggles, they'd going to pay.\n\nOtherwise, it seems like you have no choice but to suck it up and go to the [[endings]].

By God, Vince Russo, you've done it! You've made Wrestlemania 35 one of the most unpredictable ever! Nearly every match had some kind of incredible swerve, with wrestlers and the audience alike completely bamboozled by what has befallen them!\n\nIn fact, you could easily say that this was finally it, your Russomania!\n\nYou close your eyes to relax after a job well done, the adulation of your friends and colleagues deafening you until they suddenly stop. \n\nYou open your eyes again and find yourself elsewhere, nearly blinded by a deafening light. It begins to speak to you.\n\n"VINCE RUSSO." It says, knowing your name.\n\n"Bro?" You respond, knowing its name. \n\n"YOU HAVE FIXED THE TIME STREAM. YOU HAVE ACHIEVED THE FINAL SWERVENING." It tells you.\n\nIt then goes on to explain that the world of sports and entertainment was on a dark path, where smarks were able to predict the outcomes of matches too easily and demand too many things of its creators. It was all headed to an apocalyptic scenario where wrestling fans would be able to freely dictate who they wanted to win, and would expect nothing less than their victories. Sports entertainment would become trite and predictable, and eventually collapse under the weight of its own hubris. \n\nHowever, that is no longer the case. \n\nThe time stream shows you a glimpse of the future to come, where marks and smart marks alike are completely unable to predict the whims of wrestling, no matter how much they armchair book. Instead, they learn to shut up and let the heroes like you, Vince Russo, do all the work, and they are grateful to you for it. \n\nWith your newfound knowledge of the future to come, it sends you back to your time, where you are continued to be hailed as a hero, and lead WWE creative to a new dawn.\n\n[[The End.]]

Have you noticed that since Shane McMahon came back a few years ago that he hasn't actually won a single singles match?\n\nI mean, technically he was on the winning team for Survivor Series one year, but he was also speared into a different dimension by Roman Reigns, causing him to get knocked out and eliminated. And there's the tag championships, but they lost those pretty immediately, and like I said, we were talking about singles matches, so stop correcting me.\n\nDespite a penchant for jumping off of things and doing big stunts, when it comes to one-on-one brawls it'd almost be a genuine surprise if he won.\n\nSo, in true Russo fashion, you book the result so that Shane O Mac picks up the victory after he does a Coast-to-Coast between two WWE production trucks, taking that pesky Miz down a peg for the simple crime of wanting to be loved by his dad.\n\nYou are awarded 1 Russo point, if only because it wouldn't be a super great look for the dude who turned heel to immediately lose.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

In a desperate bid for media attention, Vince McMahon has joined forces with Saturday Night Live, a show notable for routinely taking the piss out of his wife's former employer, good friend and US President Donald Trump. \n\nThe two people got involved when one of them claimed wrestling was fake, and now they're in the battle royale. You tried to get someone more mainstream like your buddy David Arquette in instead, but he's busy recuperating from nearly dying in a deathmatch. \n\nStill, the best way to make the match memorable while making sure there's no need to pretend to push the winner is to fob the trophy off on one of the SNL performers. Who knows, they may even show it off on an episode as Alec Baldwin does another impression of Trump's tiny hands?\n\nAs the bell rings, one of them stands victorious. I don't mind who, to be honest. I don't even know their names. Wait, hold on a second.\n\nApparently, they're called Colin Jost and Michael Che. So, one of those two.\n\nYou win 3 Russo points and the assurance that you will probably forget their names as soon as you move onto the next match on the card. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Seth tries as hard as he can to put away Brock Lesnar, but it seems as if it's to no avail. He uses every move in his arsenal, but there's nothing he can do to stop The Beast Incarnate.\n\nAfter being F5'd seven times in a row, Seth is forced to succumb, and Brock retains his title. \n\nThe audience boos, not looking forward to another several months of Raw's top champion not even being featured for weeks at a time. \n\nSuddenly, a voice pipes up through the speakers.\n\n"It's not going down like that, brother!"\n\nIt's Hulk Hogan! He makes his way down to the ring and squares up to Lesnar.\n\n"Face it dude, these people need a champion who'll show up, brother jack! They need Hulkamania, and to understand the value of not getting caught saying racist things where people might hear you! Face me right now, one on one, brother!"\n\nBrock goes to leave, but Paul Heyman shockingly agrees! The match is set up right then and there, and is over in less than a minute after Brock succumbs to a single Big Boot and an Atomic Leg Drop. \n\nAs the bell rings, confetti pours out of every orifice of the arena as Hulk Hogan is crowned the Universal Champion! It's literally Wrestlemania 9 all over again!\n\nThe audience is dumbfounded, and too much so to react properly as Real American blares throughout MetLife. \n\nThe only person able to react enough to do anything is Bret Hart, who corners you in your office and knocks you clean out for your troubles, leaving you easy meat for Cornette's impending punishment.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, which is how many years Hulk Hogan holds on to the title for before he's caught using the N word again on camera. \n\n- Go Back To [[Brock Lesnar versus Seth Rollins]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

As all of the teams fill up the ring, some perplexed faces arise when The Bar bring something unexpected to the mix.\n\nThey don't just set the bar, they ARE The Bar, and to prove this, they've bought down a limbo kit, forcing this Fatal Four Way match to be an elimination Limbo match, where The Bar have to set the bar before their competitors can try to slide under it. \n\nNakamura Day are the first to be eliminated due to Rusev's Dummy Thicc status, followed shortly by Black and Ricochet, who are eliminated when the latter mishears the rules and keeps trying to do flippy stuff over the bar. It comes down to a tense battle between the Usos and The Bar, which is eventually won by the former when Sheamus' mohawk causes the limbo stick to fall down.\n\nYou earn 5 Russo points, because why not?\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Over the last few years, the WWE has been desperately trying to claw back some of the years they spent holding back women's wrestling. With the introduction of Ronda Rousey to the WWE, they've been turbocharging their crusade with the help of who they affectionately call "The Baddest Woman On The Planet", and not just because she's a Sandy-Hook denier and a transphobe. \n\nSince her debut last year, she's made headlines and remained completely undefeated, leading to her holding the Raw Women's championship for quite a while. \n\nHer challengers are Charlotte Flair, WWE's perceived golden girl, and Becky Lynch, WWE's actual golden girl. Becky is in the match by virtue of having her nose broken before Survivor Series before her and Ronda could face off, before winning the Women's Royal Rumble. Charlotte is in there because she's also good, and the WWE can't have a woman's first without her being inserted into the picture somehow. \n\nDespite the bout originally being for the Raw Women's championship, last week they decided that Charlotte should win the Smackdown Women's championship, and now for some reason the match is a "Winner Takes All" bout where whoever wins gets both titles, making them the Undisputed Women's Champion and rendering the brand split wholly pointless.\n\nThe WWE are finally smashing through the glass ceiling they themselves put in place many years ago and are allowing women to main event the grandest stage of them all. It's a momentous occasion to be sure, and one that will echo throughout wrestling history. \n\nYou'll need to find some way to make sure that it's an ending that everyone talks about forever. \n\n- [[A Genetically Superior Victory]] \n\n- [[Come What MMA]]\n\n- [[The Man Comes Around]]\n\n- [[The Women's Revolution reaches its zenith]] \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Last year, you made your grand return to the realm of the WWE [[when you took over the writing for Wrestlemania 34]], the thirty-fourth occurrence of wrestling mania, where wrestlers manically perform in front of a live audience, and had done at least thirty-three times before. \n\n\nCanonically, you did an okay job, but not an amazing one, and thus you were given a second chance but were then slowly phased out and your contributions erased, almost as if they never happened. Officially, you didn’t do anything, and if you phoned up anyone at WWE and asked them if it actually happened, they’d deny it and then hang up, sweating profusely as they knew just how close you were to uncovering the truth. \n\n\nNow you sit in your writer’s room, which is slowly gathering dust, a thin coating of it threatening to cover your WCW World Title, its sheen no longer dazzling you like your scripture used to dazzle the masses. You sigh, only muttering “bro” under your breath as if it’s your catchphrase. \n\n\nLittle are you to know that [[a miraculous thing is about to occur]]...

When the Universal title was first introduced after the second brand split, we all hoped it would usher in a cool era of new champions, challengers, and go on to have a great legacy. \n\nUnfortunately, what instead happened was the inaugural winner got injured and had to give up the title the next day, was replaced by a man who was treated by WWE as a bit of a joke despite being a tremedous wrestler, and then given to a man who hadn't properly wrestled in fifteen years. That dude held it for a month before it was given to Brock Lesnar, who proceeded to barely show up and would have five minute squash matches that relied on the audience not getting too bored of seeing multiple German Suplexes. \n\nA ray of sunshine was afforded to us when Roman Reigns won the belt, only for him to relinquish it a couple months later due to his cancer coming back. Rather than pass the baton on to a new hero, the decision was made to give the belt back to Brock, who has gone on to appear in two matches since he won at Crown Jewel back in November. \n\nHis challenger tonight is Seth Rollins, a man who used to be evil and now isn't, whose claim to the throne is that he won the Royal Rumble earlier this year due to a lack of any other viable candidates. Now the Architect turned Kingslayer wants to add another title to his resume by becoming the Beast Slayer, being the man to beat Brock's reign of terror over what would be the WWE's top belt if anyone ever saw it.\n\nMany are expecting a suplex snooze-fest, so you need to come up with something good to keep the fans interested. How are you going to spice this one up?\n\n- [[Start Rollins out a new gimmick for Seth]] \n\n- [[Suplex City votes in a new Mayor]] \n\n- [[Shades of Wrestlemania Past]]\n\n- [[A Ghost of Wrestlemania Past Emerges]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You think that the combination of the hoss and the old one with a famous relative could be a good winning combination, but slowly decide that the better winners would be Nia Jax and Tamina.\n\nThere's just two problems. The first is that Nia has a chronic ability to mess up even the simplest of moves. The second is that Tamina constantly looks like she doesn't want to be there because she has the face of someone who's just realised that she left the gas on at home and can't find her mobile to text someone to ask them to turn it off for her. \n\nThe first one is easily solved - just hope she doesn't screw up. The second one needs a bit more work.\n\nYou sit down with Tamina and try to instil some more confidence in her. It takes several hours, but eventually you rile her up enough that she seems capable of showing any emotion whatsoever. You remind her of her legendary dad Jimmy Snuka and his actions, and tell her that if she wants to be remembered as a star, then she needs to go out there and start mimicking him right this second. She marches out of the room, you presume to either check if she locked her back door, or to put your advice into motion.\n\nBefore the match begins, you discover that Tamina may have gotten the wrong end of the stick as you see her draped in handcuffs with the body of Natalya and one of the IIconics laying motionless beside her. She pretends that she can't speak English, and after they see the promo where she responds to Charlotte's line of "I'm gonna leave you looking like Ellsworth" with "I'm going to leave you looking like Ellsworth", they believe her and she's let go. \n\nHowever, you were staying in her house pretending she was there the whole time to provide an alibi, and you are later found suffocated by the gas leaking out of the oven that Tamina had accidentally left on while she was out. \n\nYou lose 2 Russo points. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Women's Tag Team Title Match]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

In the last few weeks, Ronda Rousey has taken the interesting tact of going out of her way to inform everyone that wrestling is fake, and you know what? She's right, bro.\n\nIt does beg the question of why a former MMA champion is having fake fights, but you know what, that doesn't matter bro. What does matter is that it makes no sense that Ronda Rousey would lose, because she'd just be able to beat up the fake wrestlers and tap them out clean. \n\nEchoing Ronda's statements, you make the decision to turn the fight into a shoot, allowing closed fists, real kicks, and armbars that could actually break an arm. \n\nThe result is pure, unadulterated carnage. Ronda Rousey goes through an absolute tear, rendering Charlotte and Becky incapable as she puts both of them into an armbar, breaking each of their arms, and leaving Ronda as the undisputed champion.\n\nAs "Bad Reputation" plays, someone correctly points out that you've allowed two of the biggest stars on the women's roster to be injured in such a way that they may never compete again, and caused an awkward situation if Ronda does actually decide to leave.\n\nBeing so cavalier with your superstars comes at a cost, and this is made apparent when Cornette puts you in shoot armbars until both of your arms are detached from the socket.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, and the use of as many limbs.\n\n[[And with that, Wrestlemania 35 is over]]! \n\nOr, Go Back to [[a main event with actual womz in it]].

As the match type is announced, the audience look puzzled amongst themselves. They aren't sure what a Claymore match is.\n\nThey're about to find out. \n\nRoman makes his way down to the ring, a shower of boos following him because it's essentially compulsive at this point and people think this is an easy way to turn the odds against Roman so he looks stronger.\n\nThen Drew McIntyre makes his way to the ring, preceded by a bunch of ginger men playing bagpipes, while he himself is donning a traditional kilt and holding a giant two-handed sword, each swing necessitating a bigger wind up, chopping the air like a particularly big onion. \n\nThe match starts off dangerously, with Roman having to avoid being cleaved clean in twain, and he soon starts running away, being chased by an increasingly unhinged McIntyre. \n\nAt this point, Roman unleashes a weapon of his own, and throws something to the ground, its presenced betrayed by a small red line between the ring and the barrier. As he leaps over it, Drew crosses the line and is blown back by an explosion from the Claymore mine that Roman placed. \n\nThe Big Dog, however, is easily startled by loud noises, and the noise of the explosion causes him to cower, leaving him easy prey for Drew's finisher, the Claymore. \n\nYou have earned 5 Russo points, if only for managing to fit so many kinds of Claymores in there. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]\n

You prepare adequately for the journey ahead, and walk to the Wrestlemania building, ready to bring your swervy wisdom to the year's biggest wrestling event. \n\nFortunately, as it's in New Jersey, which is right next to New York this year and I assume you still live in the Big Apple and refuse to check, it's a reasonably brisk walk where only a few people spit on you as praise for your excellent writing skills. \n\nAs you enter the building, you wipe yourself off with a beach towel you keep on your person whenever you go out in public, and prepare for Wrestlemania 35. \n\nOr rather, should that be... RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING?\n\nYes. Yes, it should be.\n\nLet's play that thing I just said!\n\n- [[Play RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING]]

I'll level with you for a moment: this definitely wasn't the easiest Wrestlemania to Russofy. Despite that, you managed to reach into the jaws of defeat and somehow pluck out more defeat. \n\nAs such, this was not the best Russomania you could have achieved, and you know it. \n\nUnfortunately, so does Vince McMahon, who is banging on the door to your office as we speak.\n\n"Open up, dammit!" He demands. You acquiese. "What the hell was that?" He asks, screaming into your very soul.\n\n"Bro, I tried, but-"\n\n"But nothing Russo! Do you know how much work I'm going to have to put in to erase that Wrestlemania from people's minds and replace it with a new version? It's going to cost me easily two hours! That's two hours too many, dammit!"\n\n"Bro, I swear to gaaaawd that-"\n\n"You'll swear nothing, dammit!" He breaths in. "YOU'RE FIREEEEDDDDD!"\n\n"Bro, please, you gotta believe me!" You plead, but it is too late. Behind Vince appears Jim Cornette, wielding his trademark tennis racquet. \n\n"Cornette?" McMahon asks.\n\n"Yeah?"\n\n"I've had his restraining order against you revoked, and I have a private warehouse rented for you. I've held up my side of the bargain, it's up to you to hold up yours."\n\n"Understood, boss!" Cornette affirmates. You can't quite believe it yourself, but it's almost as if, when he smiled, his teeth turned into those of a wolf. \n\n"Very well. I'm off to eat a steak wrap, then figure out how I can put Roman over." \n\nThat's the last you hear of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. \n\nIn fact, that's the last you hear of anyone.\n\nIn fact, that's the last you hear of anything that isn't your own screams, as Cornette takes you away, ready to exact his revenge on you not just for your crimes against him, but the crimes against wrestling that you just commited.\n\nYou have been taken away by Cornette as punishment for not delivering a Russomania to remember. You have not achieved the Final Swervening. \n\n[[The End.]]

Flicking through the selection of women who are available in this match and not fighting elsewhere tonight, you sigh and wish for the days when they weren't given as much prominence.\n\nYou have no choice, you'll have to pick someone from NXT, whatever that is, on your quest to have an unforgettable winner. Plus, maybe it'll rocket them up the ladder of fame and they'll be more likely to take their clothes off for you in future. \n\nYou flick through the names and see if anyone appeals.\n\nKairi Sane the Pirate Princess? Arrrrgh, pass. \n\nIo Shirai? Not sure what that even is.\n\nHold on, who's this?\n\nAt the end of the match the audience are delighted at the winner, who holds her trophy aloft with a beloved TV sitcom actor of the 90s who you've asked to be there.\n\nWait, what do you mean that Bianca Bel Aire isn't Will Smith's cousin?\n\nYou have earned 3 Russo points and now have the theme song stuck in your head.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

"Congratulations are in order, dammit!" bellows Vince McMahon, pleased at another successful night of sports entertainment. \n\n"Bro, I swear to gawwwd, that was a good Wrestlemania!"\n\n"Russomania, eh?"\n\nYou don't correct him.\n\n"Has a nice ring to it, dammit! Cornette! Get in here!"\n\nJim obliges, looking despondent at the reality that you have bested him and he will now be unable to do you further harm.\n\n"I've called the police on him, Vince" Vince assures you, "But I thought I'd let you have one last kick in the balls on him before they send him to jail for crimes against wrestling."\n\n"Uh"\n\n"Breaking the restraining order I mean. Almost told you what I was planning to do with you if you didn't deliver, haha!"\n\nYou line up your leg accordingly, and give Jim Cornette the old heave-ho into his nads, exploding at least one of them. That'll teach him for wanting to protect the sanctity of wrestling from you, Vince Russo. \n\nAs Cornette's taken away, Vince McMahon shakes your hand on a job well done.\n\n"Oh, and Vince?" \n\n"Yeah, Vince?"\n\n"I'll see you tomorrow at Raw, Vince."\n\n"Okay Vince, I'll see you there."\n\nAnd with that, Vince leaves, leaving you, Vince, alone. \n\nA job well done, you pack your belongings and head back to your home, ready to tell your family the great news, and prepare for a new life writing for the WWE once again.\n\nCongratulations, Vince Russo, you have saved Wrestlemania 35 from tedium and made it into a Russomania to remember. However, you weren't quite able to achieve the Final Swervening. If only there was a way...\n\n[[The End.]]

It's a hard fought battle from Royal Rumble winner Seth Rollins, as he tries everything in his arsenal to keep Brock Lesnar at bay and emerge victorious.\n\nHowever, much like his bout against him at Battleground all those years ago, it's basically a curb beating, and Brock F5's Seth five times in a row before finally pinning him to retain his title.\n\nThe audience erupts in a cacophony of boos, each more upset than the last that we're going to have to suffer through another several months of the champion not being on the card.\n\nSuddenly, a voice pipes up through the speakers.\n\n"Nah, it ain't going down like that!"\n\nIt's Roman Reigns! He makes his way down to the ring and squares up to Lesnar.\n\n"You never beat me for that title, and the fans don't want to see it end like this. Face me right now, one on one!"\n\nBrock goes to leave, but Paul Heyman shockingly agrees! The match is set up right then and there, and is over in less than two minutes after Roman spears Lesnar eight times in a row. \n\nAs the bell rings, confetti pours from the ceiling as Roman becomes the Universal Champion! It's shades of Wrestlemania 9 all over again, when Hulk Hogan did pretty much the same thing! The audience is too dumbfounded to react, as Ambrose and Rollins are forced to carry Roman on their shoulders as he celebrates his hard-earned victory.\n\nYou earn 5 Russo points, and a bouquet of roses from Vince McMahon who is overcome with joy at his boy Roman somehow going over.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

The story of how you tried to make Wrestlemania 34 into Russomania is covered in the choose your own adventure game "The Ballad of Billy Gunn 2: More Asses, Fewer Time". If you've not played it or simply wish to refresh your memory, check it out at:\n\nhttp://philome.la/Jokesound/the-ballad-of-billy-gunn-2-more-asses-fewer-time\n\nHowever, you may also need the context of the first adventure in the series, where you play "Mr Ass" Billy Gunn and must get to the Raw 25th Anniversary show in time to parlay your participation into an appearance at the Royal Rumble 2018.\n\nThat can be found at:\n\n\nhttp://philome.la/Jokesound/the-ballad-of-billy-gunn-ass-man\n\nOtherwise, let's go back to the fact that in this story, [[nobody seems to remember that]].\n

With Seth and Brock finally in the ring, Paul Heyman takes the microphone from the announcer as usual, and launches into his spiel.\n\n"Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages. My name is Paul Heyman, and I am the advocate for the Beast Incarnate... BRRRRRRRROCK LESNAR!" \n\nThe crowd cheer.\n\nHe goes on to detail how good Brock is, but then shocks the crowd by bringing in two podiums and informing the audience that "Tonight, we're going to have a debate. You see, my client is the reigning Mayor of Suplex City, but unfortunately the bylaws say that he has to come up for re-election, and today's the last day before voting."\n\nSo it is that Brock and Seth engage not in a battle of graps, but a battle of wits, as each explains carefully why they should be elected the Mayor of Suplex City. They have many good policies, but while Brock wins the popular vote due to his pledge that he'll suplex cows every morning to supply people breakfast, Seth ultimately sneaks the Electoral College by promising to actually show up to Raw most weeks.\n\nBrock later calls for a recount, but is shot down by the Supreme Court and is forced to concede.\n\nYou earn 1 Russo point as a thanks for your vote, but you can't help but feel the electoral system in America is in dire need of reform. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]\n

Randy Orton sits in the ring impatiently until the Titantron suddenly starts up anew, and AJ Styles slowly walks out from backstage. He's wearing a pair of glasses to look more sophisticated, and is stroking the hair on his chin to seem like a deep thinker. \n\n"Randy Orton, you may think you're going to win, but let me explain why I will!"\n\nHe clicks through to the first slide of the presentation. It reads "Flat Earth and you: why your belief in a round planet will cause you to be pinned by me, AJ Styles, age 41 and 3/4s"\n\nHe launches into an absolutely mind-boggling spiel about why the Earth is flat based on some YouTube videos he's been watching, and starts making barmy statements and theories about why that is. After eight minutes, AJ assures the audience he has another 37 more slides to go, and trying to silence him will only prove him right. \n\nNinety painstaking minutes later, Randy Orton finally decides to pull out of the bout by smacking his head against the turnbuckle until he's blissfully knocked out, providing no resistance to AJ's pinfall. \n\nYou have earned 1 Russo Point, and will now start receiving some very weird videos through YouTube's algorithm. \n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

Ah, a match for the, uh, let me check my notes here...\n\nUnited States Title, which is... still active despite disappearing off the roster for half a year, coincidentally as soon as they gave it to a Japanese man. Probably nothing to read into there.\n\nNow it's in the hands of Samoa Joe, a man you once had kidnapped by ninjas for reasons nobody will ever be able to fathom, as he squares off against the mexican luchador Rey Mysterio, who you could swear was unmasked back when you were leading WCW into its glory days. Maybe we'll have to do something about that.\n\nFor now, it's the never before seen or exploited WWE trope of "American versus a Mexican for the United States title". \n\nSo how can we spice this one up?\n\n- [[Custody of Dominic Mysterio on a Pole match]]\n\n- [[A Siren Match]]\n\n- [[Andrade interferes]]\n\n- [[ICE are called]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

For some reason, Vince's band of vanilla midgets are still doing flippy things. You hate flippy things. It's not realistic. It's dumb. They're all too small and it's not realistic they could beat anyone up. \n\nSadly though, you still have to book the ending to this thing. Who's even in it? Do you even have time to Bing search what a Tony Nese is, or why you should care? How comes there's an Australian in this, but he doesn't have a didgeridoo? \n\nSomething needs to improve this charade drastically. That something is you. But how?\n\n- [[End in a No-Contest]]\n\n- [[Cruiserweight Cruise]]\n\n- [[Buddy Murphy wins with the interference of Australia's greatest movie icon]]\n\n- [[Actually put on a decent match people care about]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

You've done it. You've delivered the most Vince Russoest Wrestlemania possible. That ever is, or ever will be.\n\nNothing will ever come close to this pinnacle of wrestling booking achievement, and you, I, and everyone else knows it.\n\nAs the fireworks go off, you close your eyes and awaken in a strange place with a beam of light in front of you. Next to you is a strange man wearing time goggles. In fact, they're your time goggles, but it doesn't matter now.\n\nNothing else matters now.\n\nHe beckons you to follow him, and you do. \n\nEverything comes to a complete stop in front of the beam, and suddenly, you hear a voice in your head telling you to jump in.\n\nYou do.\n\nYou know what must be done.\n\nYou have achieved transcendence, and with the strange man, you fall into the time stream. Like the man before you, you scatter out into the aether, your DNA melding with all of wrestling past, present, and future. That ever was, that ever will be. It will all be swerved.\n\nNothing will ever be the same again.\n\nAs you give your final "bro" to the world, the world becomes you. \n\nCongratulations Vince Russo, you have achieved the Final Swervening, have become the God of all wrestling, and you will remain so forever.\n\n[[The End.]]

With no-one on the roster able to effectively stand up to Cena, or free from their own storylines, a new heel takes to the arena, loudly spouting dangerous anti-foreigner rhetoric.\n\nThe heel makes the deadly mistake of claiming that nobody can beat him, not even 16-time World Champion John Cena. \n\nA familiar voice booms backstage. "John Cena may not be able to beat you, but I know someone who can!"\n\nNew entrance music hits as John Cena comes out wearing a sombrero, carrying a pinata, and being followed by a bunch of teenage Mexican girls.\n\n"And now, entering the ring" begins Greg Hamilton, "Juanathan Quinceañera!"\n\nThe teenage girls all cheer as John puts on a great 15th birthday party, and the audience booms into applause when she accidentally pelts the new heel in the head with the stick for the pinata, causing him to be knocked out and Cena to get the pin.\n\nYou have earned 5 Russo points, and the remaining candy in the ring that the teenage girls forgot to pick up.\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]

It's always the long cons that work out for the best, isn't it?\n\nThat's right, after not informing the WWE that he was under investigation for rape, then getting fired, releasing an awful album, and then getting banned from all WWE arenas for trying to hijack a Survivor Series match, what says "anyone is eventually welcome back into the WWE" like allowing Enzo Amore on stage in order for him to do a duet with Elias? \n\nAs he starts walking down to the ring, he starts with his old spiel, before jumping into the ring and shouting the phrase "consentual penis" for five minutes. At no point does he rap.\n\nElias eventually leaves the stage in rage, and holds your arms back as Cornette swings your head clean off with Elias' guitar.\n\nYou lose 2 Russo points, but luckily, also the ability to hear Rosemary's Baby Part 1: Happy Birthday\n\n- Go Back To [[Elias' Concert]]\n\n- Go Back To [[The Wrestlemania 35 Card]]