<<if $actualwitchdraught is "">>well, you're muddling something that doesn't need to be muddled. congratulations.\n\n[[keep muddling|muddle it]]\n[[back|alchemy]]<<else>>you muddle the nascent women's draught!\n<<set $actualmuddle = $actualmuddle + 5>>\nyou have muddled the mixture for <<$actualmuddle>> seconds.\n\n<<if $actualmuddle is $targetmuddle>>looks pretty good.<<endif>>\n[[keep muddling|muddle it]]\n[[done muddling]]<<endif>>

what, you cramped up already?\n<<if $actualshake neq $targetshake>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[GET BACK TO BREWIN|alchemy]]

okay come on, you can fight smarter than that\n<<set $toxicity = 3>>\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]

it's done! you did it! let's see how you did.\n\nthis is <<if $mistakes gte 5>>F<<else if $mistakes is 4>>D<<else if $mistakes is 3>>C<<else if $mistakes is 2>>B<<else if $mistakes is 1>>A<<else if $mistakes is 0>>S<<endif>>-grade women's draught made from the piss of a <<$piss>>!!! WOW!!!\n\n<<if $byproducts neq 0>>you harvested <<$byproducts>> byproducts from the brewing process! you can sell those, you know :3<<else>>either the piss had no valuable byproducts or you destroyed them all in the brewing process! oh well :C<<endif>>\n\nGOOD JOB!\n[[try again?|reset]]

WELCOME TO PISS QUEST PISS ALCHEMY\n\n[[how do i do this|instructions]]\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 0>>\n<<set $actualalcohol = 0>>\n<<set $targetshake = 0>>\n<<set $actualshake = 0>>\n<<set $targetlye = 0>>\n<<set $actuallye = 0>>\n<<set $targetboil = 0>>\n<<set $actualboil = 0>>\n<<set $toxicity = 0>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "">>\n<<set $actualwitchdraught = "">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 0>>\n<<set $actualmuddle = 0>>\n<<set $byproducts = 0>>\n<<set $mistakes = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>

now it would be an even worse idea to drink this\n<<if $actuallye neq $targetlye>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[GET BACK TO BREWIN|alchemy]]

<<if $actualboil is 0>>well, now you've got a witch draught full of worthless piss.\n\n[[YOU RUINED EVERYTHING]]<<else>>you add the piss paste to a STRONG witch draught!\n<<set $actualwitchdraught = "strong">>\n<<if $actualwitchdraught is $targetwitchdraught>>looks pretty good.<<else>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>>hm. this, uh. hrm. no.<<endif>>\n\n[[GET BACK TO BREWIN|alchemy]]<<endif>>

how STRONGK you want your witch draught\n\n[[mild witch draught]]\n[[medium witch draught]]\n[[strong witch draught]]

you add half a part of alcohol to the piss!\n<<set $actualalcohol = $actualalcohol + .5>>\nthere are <<$actualalcohol>> part(s) alcohol in the piss.\n\n<<if $actualalcohol is $targetalcohol>>looks pretty good.<<endif>>\n[[keep adding alcohol|add alcohol]]\n[[done adding alcohol]]

<<if $piss is "">>CHOOSE PISS\n\n[[horse piss]]\n[[kelpie piss]]\n[[hippogriff piss]]\n[[basilisk piss]]\n[[dragon piss]]\n[[unicorn piss]]<<else if $piss neq "">>you've got some <<$piss>> PISS\nWHAT DO YOU DO???\n\n<<if $actualalcohol is 0>>[[add alcohol]]<<endif>>\n<<if $actualshake is 0>>[[shake it]]<<endif>>\n<<if $actuallye is 0>>[[add lye]]<<endif>>\n<<if $actualboil is 0>>[[boil it]]<<endif>>\n<<if $actualwitchdraught is "">>[[add it to a witch draught]]<<endif>>\n[[muddle it]]\n\n[[OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING AGAIN|instructions]]<<endif>>

you get KELPIE PISS\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "KELPIE">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 1.5>>\n<<set $targetshake = 15>>\n<<set $targetlye = 1.5>>\n<<set $targetboil = 5>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "medium">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 15>>\n<<set $byproducts = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\nthis fucked up murder horse piss smells a bit stronger than regular piss. you might need to boil it longer and add it to something a little stronger. the stronger a witch draught, the longer you need to muddle it.\n\nchoose a [[toxicity]]

piss alchemy

WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE\nfor regular horse piss, the estrogen-refining procedure goes like this:\n# add 1 part alcohol\n# shake for 10 seconds\n# add 1 part lye\n# boil for 3 minutes (okay probably not real time for the game but it works here)\n# add the result to mild witch draught\n# muddle for 10 seconds\n\nWHAT ABOUT MAGIC POISONS, WHAT IF I USED SOME OF THOSE\ncleansers can be added in the boiling process to nullify residual toxins in the piss. ''one cleanser removes one level of toxicity and adds one minute to the total boiling time.'' unfortunately, cleansers also destroy valuable magical and alchemical byproducts created during the process.\n\nCAN I GET SOME HINTS\n# you'll generally need to shake piss+alcohol solutions for about 10 seconds per part of alcohol.\n# you'll generally need to match the alcohol with equal parts lye.\n# the stronger the witch draught, the longer you'll have to muddle it.\n\nTHAT SOUNDS REALLY COMPLICATED\nhaha owned good thing you can reference this at any time, probably\n\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]

you add a cleanser brew to the cauldron.<<if $toxicity gt 0>><<set $toxicity = $toxicity - 1>> it hisses.<<else if $toxicity is 0>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>> nothing happens. you don't know why you did that.<<endif>>\n<<if $byproducts gt 0>><<set $byproducts = $byproducts - 1>><<endif>>\nthe piss mixture smells <<if $toxicity is 0>>non-<<else if $toxicity is 1>>mildly <<else if $toxicity is 2>>considerably <<else if $toxicity is 3>>alarmingly <<endif>>toxic.\n<<set $targetboil = $targetboil + 1>>\nwhatcha gonna do now hoss\n[[add cleanser]]\n[[boil for 1 minute]]

<<if $actualalcohol is 0>>well, you shook the piss. congratulations.\n\n[[keep shaking|shake it]]\n[[back|alchemy]]<<else>>you shake the piss!\n<<set $actualshake = $actualshake + 5>>\nyou have shaken the piss for <<$actualshake>> seconds.\n\n<<if $actualshake is $targetshake>>looks pretty good.<<endif>>\n[[keep shaking|shake it]]\n[[done shaking]]<<endif>>

you get DRAGON PISS\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "DRAGON">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 3>>\n<<set $targetshake = 30>>\n<<set $targetlye = 3>>\n<<set $targetboil = 5>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "strong">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 20>>\n<<set $byproducts = 3>>\n<<endsilently>>\nthe great dragon ash has gifted you with this incredibly potent piss. use it wisely.\n\nyou'll need a lot of alcohol to separate all the weird shit out of it! you'll need to shake a solution for about 10 seconds per parts of alcohol you add.\n\nthis piss doesn't seem too acidic, so you can add more lye if you want. probably a good idea.\n\nhopefully you won't have to boil this too much longer than regular ol hornse piss. you'll need an exceptionally potent witch draught to contain this kind of PISS POWER. stronger witch draughts mean slightly longer muddling.\n\nchoose a [[toxicity]]

you get HORNSE PISS\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "HORSE">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 1>>\n<<set $targetshake = 10>>\n<<set $targetlye = 1>>\n<<set $targetboil = 3>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "mild">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 10>>\n<<set $byproducts = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\nGREAT!\n\nchoose a [[toxicity]]

you are left with a weird paste!\n<<if $actualboil neq $targetboil>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>><<endif>>\n<<if $toxicity neq 0>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>>you know this is like, still toxic, right? that's bad.<<endif>>\n\n[[GET BACK TO BREWIN|alchemy]]

<<if $actualshake is 0>>why did you add lye to this, it's all gross now.\n\n[[YOU RUINED EVERYTHING]]<<else>>you add half a part of lye to the piss!\n<<set $actuallye = $actuallye + .5>>\nthere are <<$actuallye>> part(s) lye in the piss.\n\n<<if $actuallye is $targetlye>>looks pretty good.<<endif>>\n[[keep adding lye|add lye]]\n[[done adding lye]]<<endif>>

<<if $actualboil is 0>>well, now you've got a witch draught full of worthless piss.\n\n[[YOU RUINED EVERYTHING]]<<else>>you add the piss paste to a MEDIUM witch draught!\n<<set $actualwitchdraught = "medium">>\n<<if $actualwitchdraught is $targetwitchdraught>>looks pretty good.<<else>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>>hm. this, uh. hrm. no.<<endif>>\n\n[[GET BACK TO BREWIN|alchemy]]<<endif>>

<<if $actualboil is 0>>well, now you've got a witch draught full of worthless piss.\n\n[[YOU RUINED EVERYTHING]]<<else>>you add the piss paste to a MILD witch draught!\n<<set $actualwitchdraught = "mild">>\n<<if $actualwitchdraught is $targetwitchdraught>>looks pretty good.<<else>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>>hm. this, uh. hrm. no.<<endif>>\n\n[[GET BACK TO BREWIN|alchemy]]<<endif>>

eva problems

//EVERYTHING//\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 0>>\n<<set $actualalcohol = 0>>\n<<set $targetshake = 0>>\n<<set $actualshake = 0>>\n<<set $targetlye = 0>>\n<<set $actuallye = 0>>\n<<set $targetboil = 0>>\n<<set $actualboil = 0>>\n<<set $toxicity = 0>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "">>\n<<set $actualwitchdraught = "">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 0>>\n<<set $actualmuddle = 0>>\n<<set $byproducts = 0>>\n<<set $mistakes = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\n[[try again|instructions]]

alright, mistakes happen sometimes, it's okay.\n<<set $toxicity = 2>>\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]

okay let me really obviously reset all yr variables\n\nHNNGH\n<<set $piss = "">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 0>>\n<<set $actualalcohol = 0>>\n<<set $targetshake = 0>>\n<<set $actualshake = 0>>\n<<set $targetlye = 0>>\n<<set $actuallye = 0>>\n<<set $targetboil = 0>>\n<<set $actualboil = 0>>\n<<set $toxicity = 0>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "">>\n<<set $actualwitchdraught = "">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 0>>\n<<set $actualmuddle = 0>>\n<<set $byproducts = 0>>\n<<set $mistakes = 0>>\n[[we're good|instructions]]

you boil the piss mixture for 1 minute!\n<<set $actualboil = $actualboil + 1>>\nit's been boiling for <<$actualboil>> minute(s).\n\n<<if $actualboil is $targetboil>>looks pretty good.<<endif>>\n[[add cleanser]]\n[[boil for another minute|boil for 1 minute]]\n[[done boiling]]

you get BASILISK PISS\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "BASILISK">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 3>>\n<<set $targetshake = 30>>\n<<set $targetlye = .5>>\n<<set $targetboil = 8>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "strong">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 20>>\n<<set $byproducts = 2>>\n<<endsilently>>\nit is entirely unclear if this piss can ever be safe for human consumption, because it's basically acid right now.\n\nyou'll need a lot of alcohol to separate all the weird shit out of it! you'll need to shake a solution for about 10 seconds per parts of alcohol you add.\n\nwell, here's the thing about lye. it's really, really basic. probably the most basic thing. if you add too much this might explode everywhere. be very careful.\n\nless lye means you'll have to boil it longer to clear out everything. you'll need an exceptionally potent witch draught to contain this kind of PISS POWER. stronger witch draughts mean slightly longer muddling.\n\nchoose a [[toxicity]]

you get UNICORN PISS\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "UNICORN">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = .5>>\n<<set $targetshake = 5>>\n<<set $targetlye = .5>>\n<<set $targetboil = 3>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "mild">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 10>>\n<<set $byproducts = 3>>\n<<endsilently>>\nthis is the most delicate piss you've ever seen. it looks downright appetizing. be very gentle with it please :3\n\nchoose a [[toxicity]]

NOW THAT'S SOME GOOD, CLEAN PISS\n\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]

don't drink this\n<<if $actualalcohol neq $targetalcohol>><<set $mistakes = $mistakes + 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[GET BACK TO BREWIN|alchemy]]

you get HIPPOGRIFF PISS\n<<silently>>\n<<set $piss = "HIPPOGRIFF">>\n<<set $targetalcohol = 2>>\n<<set $targetshake = 20>>\n<<set $targetlye = 2>>\n<<set $targetboil = 4>>\n<<set $targetwitchdraught = "medium">>\n<<set $targetmuddle = 15>>\n<<set $byproducts = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\nthis flying sick horse piss smells considerably stronger than regular piss. it might need more alcohol to strip things out. you'll need to shake a solution for about 10 seconds per parts of alcohol you add.\n\nof course, more alcohol means more lye, generally. you might need to boil it a tiny bit longer and add it to something a little stronger. the stronger a witch draught, the longer you need to muddle it.\n\nchoose a [[toxicity]]

sometimes the critter's got a fragile constitution, i understand\n<<set $toxicity = 1>>\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]

<<if $actuallye is 0>>well, you just boiled away all your piss.\n\n[[YOU RUINED EVERYTHING]]<<else>>you put the <<if $toxicity is 0>>non-<<else if $toxicity is 1>>mildly <<else if $toxicity is 2>>considerably <<else if $toxicity is 3>>alarmingly <<endif>>toxic piss mixture into the cauldron\n\nwhat would you like to do to it?\n\n[[add cleanser]]\n[[boil for 1 minute]]<<endif>>

<<if $piss is "HORSE">>listen. you buy clean horse piss. who would buy poison horse piss.\n\nwho would poison a horse\n\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]<<else if $piss is "UNICORN">>listen. that unicorn lives a clean life. are you trying to imply something about her habits?\n\ndon't be rude\n\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]<<else if $piss is "DRAGON">>ash the dragon is very particular in her dining habits, especially when she is full of eggs. she's clean.\n\nshe's a nice, clean dragon.\n\n[[GET TO IT|alchemy]]<<else if $piss neq "HORSE" and $piss neq "UNICORN" and $piss neq "DRAGON">>[[clean piss]]\n[[low toxicity]]\n[[medium toxicity]]\n[[high toxicity]]<<endif>>