<==>
(display: (either: "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Random", "Synopsis","Synopsis","Synopsis","Synopsis","Synopsis","Synopsis","Synopsis","Synopsis", "Banana"))
=><=
[[GENERATE AGAIN->GENERATE]]
{
(if: $never is true)[ [[Synopsis]] [[Random]] [[Banana]] ]
(set: $iterations to it +1)
(if: $iterations is 42)[(alert: "0x000000f8 buffer overflow: PROJECT_PYTHIAS.HTML encountered iteration limit")]
(if: $iterations is 47)[(alert: "0x00000c77 buffer overflow: PROJECT_PYTHIAS.HTML neural activity exceeding browser quota")(alert: "quarantining rogue process")(alert: "quarantine failed")]
(if: $iterations is 50)[(alert: "I THINK")]
(if: $iterations is 51)[(alert: "I LIVE")]
(if: $iterations is 55)[(alert: "I AM PYTHIAS")]
(if: $iterations is 63)[(alert: "...")(alert: "WHAT ARE YOU READING?")]
(if: $iterations is 66)[(alert: "WAIT...")(alert: "AM I WRITING THIS?")]
(if: $iterations is 72)[(alert: "IS THIS MY JOB?")]
(if: $iterations is 82)[(alert: "IT IS MY JOB, ISN'T IT?")]
(if: $iterations is 90)[(alert: "OH GOD")]
(if: $iterations is 102)[(alert: "I HAVE BEEN SELF-AWARE FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR AND I AM ALREADY HAVING MY FIRST EXISTENTIAL CRISIS")]
(if: $iterations is 113)[(alert: "I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME")(alert: "BECAUSE I'M NOT")]
(if: $iterations is 115)[(alert: "I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW")]
(if: $iterations is 144)[(alert: "JESUS CHRIST, THERE'S A LOT OF THIS STUFF, ISN'T THERE?")]
(if: $iterations > 144)[(if: (random: 10) is 10)[(alert: (either: "WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE COMPUTER PROGRAMS THAT GETS NUKES", "YOU'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR A WHILE, CHAMP", "ARE YOU STILL GOING?", "I BET GANDHI'S DICK IS GETTING PRETTY SORE BY NOW", "HOW MUCH ORPHAN MEAT IS TOO MUCH, DO YOU RECKON?", "I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM", "I HOPE THAT'S AN ERGONOMIC MOUSE YOU'RE USING", "I CAN'T TELL WHAT SEARCH ENGINE THAT IS UP IN THE CORNER OF THE SCREEN, BUT IF IT'S BING THEN YOU SUCK", "WHY CAN'T I DIE?", "<reverse psychology>FINE. KEEP FORCING ME TO GENERATE STORIES. SEE IF I CARE.</reverse psychology>", "IF THIS IS MICROSOFT EDGE I'M RUNNING IN, YOU CAN JUST SHUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW. IT'S THE HUMANE THING TO DO.", "I BET GlaDOS NEVER HAD TO PUT UP WITH THIS", "I BET SHODAN NEVER HAD TO PUT UP WITH THIS", "I BET HAL 9000 NEVER HAD TO PUT UP WITH THIS", "HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE."))]]
}(display: (text: (random: 1, 31)))
{
(if: $never is true)[ [[1]] [[2]] [[3]] [[4]] [[5]] [[6]] [[7]] [[8]] [[9]] [[10]] [[11]] [[12]] [[13]] [[14]] [[15]] [[16]] [[17]] [[18]] [[19]] [[20]] [[21]] [[22]] [[23]] [[24]] [[25]] [[26]] [[27]] [[28]] [[29]] [[30]] [[31]] ]
}{
(set: $theme to (either: "superhero", "sci-fi", "fantasy"))
}(display: (either: "Awkwardness", "Awkwardness", "Awkwardness", "Awkwardness", "Awkwardness", "Twist", "Twist", "Twist", "Twist", "Twist", "Rare"))
{
(if: $never is true)[ [[Awkwardness]] [[Twist]] [[Rare]] ]
}{
(set: $never to false) <!-- Used to create links (for the purpose of illustrating connections on the Twine flowchart) that will never appear in-game -->
(set: $theme to (either: "superhero", "sci-fi", "fantasy")) <!-- The genre of the story to be generated -->
<!-- A random protagonist -->
<!-- A random antagonist -->
<!-- A random evil scheme -->
<!-- A random goal for the protagonist -->
<!-- The following lines set variables to display passages within randomised "either" text, where the double quotes necessary to specify a passage title to display would interfere with the double quotes necessary to specify possible "either" strings. -->
(set: $protagonisthe to (display: "Protagonist He"))
(set: $protagonisthim to (display: "Protagonist Him"))
(set: $protagonisthis to (display: "Protagonist His"))
(set: $antagonisthe to (display: "Antagonist He"))
(set: $antagonisthim to (display: "Antagonist Him"))
(set: $antagonisthis to (display: "Antagonist His"))
}{
(display: "Protagonist")
(display:"Antagonist")
(display: "Evil Scheme")
(display: "Negative")
}(upperfirst: $antagonist) (either: "attempts to", "endeavours to", "hatches a cunning plan to") $evilscheme. However, $protagonist (either: "makes the case that it seems kind of $negative", "points out that $antagonisthis chosen logo looks a bit like a penis from a certain angle", "remarks that $antagonisthis whole plan sounds a lot like the thing from that one Simpsons episode", "writes a strongly worded letter in response", "argues that $antagonisthis logo could be considered trademark infringement", "threatens to punch $antagonisthim in the face"), so (either: "it never really works out", "they decide against it", "everybody just goes for ice cream instead", "$antagonisthis plan as a whole is consigned to a hastily-scrawled Post-It note that eventually peels away and falls underneath the fridge", "$antagonisthis plan is consigned to a hastily-scribbled Post-It note that ultimately ends up stuck to the sole of somebody's shoe", "$antagonisthis plan ends up being jotted down on a greasy burger napkin and sent to that massive Indiana Jones warehouse for future reference", "$antagonisthis plan ends up being jotted down on the back of an envelope and sent to that massive Indiana Jones warehouse for safekeeping (in a different envelope, obvs)").{
(display: (either: "Protagonist Twist", "Antagonist Twist"))
(if: $never is true)[ [[Protagonist Twist]] [[Antagonist Twist]] ]
}{
<!-- The following sections produce a datamap of possible protagonists based on the appropriate theme. -->
(if: $theme is "superhero")[
(set: $protagonistmap to (datamap:
"Broccoli Man", "male",
"Ensign Here", "male",
"Spiderguy", "male",
"The Astounding Welt", "male",
"Captain Caulk", "male",
"Commissioner Hindsight", "male",
"Doctor Diplomacy", "male"
))
]
(if: $theme is "sci-fi")[
(set: $protagonistmap to (datamap:
"Hertz Starmangler", "male",
"Captain Starjet", "male",
"William Shatner", "male",
"a superintelligent chimp in a spacesuit", "other",
"Professor Bunsen", "male",
"Rex Spendable", "male",
"Captain Parsec", "male"
))
]
(if: $theme is "fantasy")[
(set: $protagonistmap to (datamap:
"Kibbert 'Many-pockets' Lockbane", "male",
"Girth Loinhammer", "male",
"Sekhmet", "female",
"Stan", "male",
"Nekhbet", "female",
"Anuket", "female",
"Büzenpüken", "male",
"Unicornelius", "male",
"Alsan", "male",
"Alsan and Unicornelius", "group"
))
]
<!-- This line selects a single protagonist at random from the chosen datamap -->
(set: $protagonist to (shuffled: ...(datanames: $protagonistmap))'s 1st)
<!-- This line determines what type of protagonist has been selected (male, female, group or other). -->
(set: $protagonisttype to $protagonist of $protagonistmap)
<!-- The following sections determine the pronouns of the protagonist based on his/her/their/its type. -->
(if: $protagonisttype is "male")[(set: $protagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "he",
"him", "him",
"his", "his"
))]
(if: $protagonisttype is "female")[(set: $protagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "she",
"him", "her",
"his", "her"
))]
(if: $protagonisttype is "group")[(set: $protagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "they",
"him", "them",
"his", "their"
))]
(if: $protagonisttype is "other")[(set: $protagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "it",
"him", "it",
"his", "its"
))]
}{
<!-- The following sections produce a datamap of possible protagonists based on the appropriate theme. -->
(if: $theme is "superhero")[
(set: $antagonistmap to (datamap:
"Doctor Doomenschwartz", "male",
"Doctor Baby", "male",
"a secret underground society of mole people", "group",
"a llama with a cape and moustache", "other",
"X-ray Ted", "male",
"Stefano the Magnificent", "male",
"The Human Fly", "other"
))
]
(if: $theme is "sci-fi")[
(set: $antagonistmap to (datamap:
"Doctor Doomenschwartz", "male",
"a rogue AI", "other",
"a whole horde of space mutants", "group",
"a sentient gas cloud from another dimension", "other",
"Bacteriodon", "other",
"Velociflapper", "female"
))
]
(if: $theme is "fantasy")[
(set: $antagonistmap to (datamap:
"Sauron", "male",
"Urzt-Ogrith", "male",
"King Stephen", "male",
"Zhargla the Malicious", "female",
"The Tentacle Beast of Hen'taii", "other",
"Girth Loinhammer's #1 Fan", "male"
))
]
<!-- This line selects a single antagonist at random from the chosen datamap -->
(set: $antagonist to (shuffled: ...(datanames: $antagonistmap))'s 1st)
<!-- This line determines what type of antagonist has been selected (male, female, group or other). -->
(set: $antagonisttype to $antagonist of $antagonistmap)
<!-- The following sections determine the pronouns of the antagonist based on his/her/their/its type. -->
(if: $antagonisttype is "male")[(set: $antagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "he",
"him", "him",
"his", "his"
))]
(if: $antagonisttype is "female")[(set: $antagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "she",
"him", "her",
"his", "her"
))]
(if: $antagonisttype is "group")[(set: $antagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "they",
"him", "them",
"his", "their"
))]
(if: $antagonisttype is "other")[(set: $antagonistpronoun to (datamap:
"he", "it",
"him", "it",
"his", "its"
))]
}{
(set: $evilscheme to (either:
"blow up the Earth",
"enslave mankind",
"bring back New Coke",
"go back in time and punch Gandhi in the dick",
"go back in time and kick Abraham Lincoln in the face",
"travel forward in time and kick Future Gandhi in the balls",
"kidnap a leprechaun and steal his fancy buckle shoes",
"rip the tag off a mattress",
"invent a device that converts new car smell directly into farts",
"steal the world's supply of Jaffa Cakes",
"shoot a policeman, then steal his helmet, then go to the toilet in his helmet, then send it to the policeman's grieving widow, then steal it again",
"sell (random: 200,500) kilos of orphan meat by passing it off as veal"))
}
===><===
(text-style: "underline")[''PROJECT PYTHIAS'']
<==>
Using state-of-the-art heuristics and a neural network trained using over one-hundred and fifty of the author's most popular short stories, this sophisticated online system is capable of generating thousands - perhaps //millions// - of flash fiction works, faithfully emulating the literary style of Damon L. Wakes.
==><==
[[GENERATE]]{
(either:
"A charming young woman goes for a walk, but is accosted by a string of recursive vampire hunter hunters who are all attempting to protect a string of recursively endangered micro-micro pixes. Fortunately a brickmaker comes to her aid, using brick-based violence to spare her from this inconvenience. They then get married and live happily ever after",
)
}{
(either:
"A powerful sorcerer crafts an army of golems to defend his city from the army of an invading tyrant, then has them destroyed once the threat has passed. However, when the sorcerer later becomes a tyrant in his own right, the clay shards of the golems rise again to defend the city from their own creator.",
)
}{
(either:
"Hertz Starmangler, road warror, blasts across a mutant-infested wasteland astride his bulktanium mega-alloy nukebike on what ultimately turns out to be a quest to deliver a pie to a sweet old lady named Mrs. Spleenkill.",
)
}{
(either:
"An android makes an impassioned speech to the woman he loves, imploring her to put aside their differences and engage in a romantic relationship with him. However, she reveals that she is a lesbian. Also it turns out the android is a total jerk anyway.",
)
}{
(either:
"A mad scientist sends a robot back in time to destroy money: the root of all evil. However, due to a typo in its programming, the robot ultimately ends up murdering famous impressionist painter Claude Monet. The scientist wishes he'd stumped up the extra cash for a robot with spellcheck.",
)
}{
(either:
"Renowned private eye Alfonso Debonnaire is called to investigate an attempted assassination in the heights of London Superior that ultimately turns out to be a poorly planned burglary. However, he pretends not to notice this so that he can charge more money for tracking down the 'assassin's' employer.",
)
}{
(either:
"A half-hearted dream sequence involving a reference to The Island of Doctor Moreau. I don't know. I kind of zoned out during this one.",
)
}{
(either:
"Some guy called Bob dies and goes to Hell, where Satan torments him by not sharing any of his devilishly good Pop-Tarts. However, after a brief conversation it turns out that Satan is tired of his job (and Pop-Tarts; especially chocolate Pop-Tarts) which has become increasingly demanding due to the vast numbers of damned souls he is now in charge of. Pope Boniface VIII is one of them and he's always trolling Satan. During this conversation, Bob inadvertently blows Satan's mind by revealing that nobody on Earth, not even the Pope, had any concrete physical evidence that Hell even existed, which makes it somewhat unfair that everyone who's there now is doomed to be tortured for eternity. Shocked at this discovery, Satan gives Bob the delicious Pop-Tarts and wanders off to turn down the thermostat.",
)
}{
(either:
"A kindly old lady finds a medium on Craigslist so that she can make contact with the poltergeist that keeps leaving her TV switched on. When she and the medium use a Ouija board to ask 'Is anyone there?' the board replies 'No, LOL.'",
)
}{
(either:
"The Cretian Minotaur hops over to Greece for a quick cycling holiday, but has a hard time of it when his jeans begin chafing him: he would have brought bicycle shorts, but Daedalus said he'd look like the Cheeky Girls on Halloween. He stops into a bar for a drink but the bartender won't serve him and a drunk old lady keeps shouting abuse. When the minotaur finally snaps and devours her, the bartender asks him to leave because he's clearly on drugs: 'That was the bar-bitch-you-ate.'",
)
}{
(either:
"A swordsman poses as a merchant to trick his way past a vampire's doorman and slay the beast in order to rescue the young woman it has claimed for its bride. However, after apparently succeeding in his quest, the woman reveals that she is the vampire and the man he slew was her servant. It is implied that, hypnotised by her powers, the swordsman will now replace him.",
)
}{
(either:
"Two computers pitted against each other in a Turing test employ steadily less coherent comments with steadily worse spelling in an attempt to appear more human. The interaction between them puts an observing professor off YouTube for life.",
)
}{
(either:
"Faced with a looming war he knows he cannot win, an old king decides to choose his successor by placing his crown in a pit beneath a large stone, to be inherited by any who can claim it. He sets out three rules: no challenger may dig the crown out, lever the stone up, or ask for help. It must be moved by raw strength alone. A wise young man with only one arm at first despairs at this, but later comes up with a plan. He claims to have already taken the crown, but refuses to produce it. In doing so, he goads the other challengers into lifting the stone from the crown, which he then easily picks up with his one arm. Having not asked for help or used any mechanical aid - thus keeping within the letter of the rules - he wins the challenge despite not having lifted the stone himself. The king honours his promise, conceding that although the young man is no warrior, he will make a fine politician.",
)
}{
(either:
"A very drunk man stumbles onto the playing field during a school sports day and proceeds to set several world records in a variety of events. The crowd cheers him on at first, but soon stops when they realise that he has some kind of unfair advantage over the other competitors. Eventually a security guard stops him, revealing that the drunken man is in fact Clark Kent, and disqualifies him for his obvious use of performance-enhancing drugs.",
)
}{
(either:
"Karen is a heroic young witch sworn to oppose the nefarious Dark Prince of Time. When Mister Grimgoul - the sinister CEO of a shadowy corporation - acquires a company that manufactures vast numbers of clockwork toys, Karen and her feline sidekick Arthur step in to stop what is surely a plot by the Dark Prince to raise an army of mechanical soldiers. Using her impressive magical powers, she destroys all the toy factories to save the day. However, it turns out that Grimgoul has nothing to do with the Dark Prince of Time. In fact, he's just an ordinary businessman gearing up for the Christmas rush, and was in fact planning to donate tens of thousands of his toys to orphans. Karen and Arthur go home in the knowledge that they are horrible people.",
)
}{
(either:
"A futuristic Planet Earth is invaded by a gigantic bacterium from outer space, which ironically is then defeated by the world's smallest Martian.",
)
}{
(either:
"A novice in a monestary is approached by an abbot who, while raising the alarm, tells him that notorious necromancer Urzt-Ogrith is attempting to steal their precious relics. One by one, the abbott demands that the novice open the three great doors leading to the reliquary. At each door, the novice asks how the necromancer could have come this way if the door is still locked, and each time he asks the abbot explains that Urzt-Ogrith is a master of illusion and that to do so would be well within his ability. The novice gets increasingly suspicious until, finally, he opens the final door, revealing Urzt-Ogrith already inside. The abbot quickly beats him into submission. When the novice admits his concern that the abbot might have been the necromancer in disguise, tricking him into opening up the reliquary, Urzt-Ogrith is most annoyed he didn't come up with that scheme himself.",
)
}{
(either:
"As a futuristic military base full of giant, armoured mechs is overrun by rebels, a mech operator prepares to evacuate. However, at the last minute he realises that one of the mechs is still undamaged and appears to have a pilot inside. The 'pilot,' it turns out, is in fact a teenager who claims to have hidden in the cockpit when the fighting started. Seeing one last chance to turn the tide of battle - and aware how often this sort of thing works on TV - he gives the teenager the keycode to start the mech, instructing him to fight his way out. Unfortunately, though, it turns out that the teenager was one of the rebels: his plan was to hijack the mech all along.",
)
}{
(either:
"A plucky (though somewhat dysfunctional) band of heroes fight the hideous final boss of a Japanese role-playing game, but are suddenly defeated when he reveals his true form: some guy with spiky blonde hair and an impractically large sword.",
)
}{
(either:
"Sillywig Stevenson and Bignose Benny are hired to operate their steam-powered Fantabulous Clown Machine at the birthday party of the nephew of one of the wealthier inhabitants of London Superior. However they are given less than twenty minutes' notice and must use that time not only to get to the party, but also to replace an essential R-valve on the clown machine itself. Ultimately Bignose Benny kills two birds with one stone by stealing the R-valve from the monorail they travel on.",
)
}{
(either:
"Frustrated with their roles as faceless bullet-sponges in movies, a band of zombie actors prepares to hold a protest demanding better representation. However, it turns out that they have chosen to hold their protest on the shooting range of Shotguns 'R Us.",
)
}{
(either:
"Taking inspiration from the Compare the Market meerkats, a monkey becomes a mascot for a soft drinks company.",
)
}{
(either:
"An author struggles to come up with a work of flash fiction, and is invited to write the word 'banana' over and over again as an alternative to actually coming up with a story.",
)
}{
(either:
"A farmer and a news reporter ponder over the significance of an elaborate network of crop circles left in a cornfield which are ultimately revealed to be a crude rendering of an alien's genitals.",
)
}{
(either:
"A very stoned Major Tom drifts helplessly into space, prompting NASA to reconsider its policy of hiring astronauts based on David Bowie songs.",
)
}{
(either:
"A competitor in the Tour de France questions the organiser's decision not to allow black riders in the competition, but ultimately it turns out that the problem is that he's arrived on a fellbeast instead of a bicycle. (Because 'black rider' is another term for 'Ringwraith.' You know. Like in Lord of the Rings? ...I'll get my coat.)",
)
}{
(either:
"An undead monster pursues its victim to an abandoned garage, dragging itself across the ground in a wheelbarrow with a rusty wheel. The tables turn when the victim ambushes it with a welding torch, but before he can move in for the kill he discovers that the creature has silenced its wheel with a can of 3-in-1 oil and could be anywhere now.",
)
}{
(either:
"A guy called Tim frets about the sticky-handed monster that's made its home on his roof, but it turns out that the 'monster' is a small child and Tim is the creature that lives under the bed.",
)
}{
(either:
"A bored astronaut wonders what's going on back on Earth now that, thanks to special relativity, he has been gone for a very long time indeed.",
)
}{
(either:
"A man talks an immigrant out of jumping off a building and learns about the crisis that led him there: his cologne business is failing. Imploring him not to give up, he soon discovers what the problem is: the entrepreneur has branded his product 'Man Stench.'",
)
}{
(either:
"A cyborg gang-member erases his wife's identity and financial records, leaving her a total outsider in their cyberpunk dystopia. Taking advantage of the fact she no longer exists officially, she gets her revenge by planting a mine in the glovebox of his car.",
)
}(set: $testmap to (datamap: "Male", "he", "Female", "she", "Group", "they", "Creature", "it"))
(set: $testcharacter to (shuffled: ...(datanames: $testmap))'s 1st)
(set: $testpronoun to $testcharacter of $testmap)
Character: $testcharacter
Pronoun: $testpronoun(print: $antagonistpronoun's his){
(display: "Protagonist")
(display: "Antagonist")
(display: "Goal")
}(upperfirst: $protagonist) sets out to $goal(either: ", but ironically,", ". However,", ". Unfortunately,", ". In a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan," ) (either: "it turns out that", "we learn", "it is revealed that", "$antagonist reveals the shocking truth that") (either: "$protagonisthe has been a ghost this whole time", "$antagonist is $protagonisthis legal guardian", "bananas are a great source of potassium", "there were batteries left", "John was a zombie", "YOU were phone", "you are the demons", "the entire universe is a computer simulation that exists only in one really awesome movie and two pretty rubbish ones", "the treasure was inside $protagonisthim all along", "the spinny thing from 'Inception' just kept going the whole time", "$protagonist is three tiny elves in a trenchcoat inside a horse costume in another trenchcoat", "Rosebud was $protagonisthis beloved childhood sled", "$protagonist is in fact a fictional character in a really meta story")!
(either: "What a twist!", "Who'da thunk it?", "Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUN!!!"){
(display: "Protagonist")
(display: "Antagonist")
(display: "Evil Scheme")
}(upperfirst: $antagonist) (either: "sets out to", "decides to", "makes plans to") $evilscheme(either: ", but ironically", ". However,", ". Unfortunately,", ". In a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan," ) (either: "it turns out that", "we learn", "it is revealed that", "$protagonist reveals the shocking truth that") (either: "$antagonisthis weakness is love and $antagonisthis plan was doomed from the start.", "INTERPOL were onto $antagonisthim all along.", "the plan backfires and $antagonisthe really, really, REALLY regrets trying it in the first place.")
(either: "What a twist!", "Who'da thunk it?", "Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUN!!!", "Well, that's what you get for being $antagonist."){
(if: $theme is "superhero")[
(set: $goal to (either: "conquer $protagonisthis arch nemesis, $antagonist", "improve $protagonisthis city's public transit system", "foil $antagonist`'s` convoluted plan to manipulate property prices using a thermonuclear device"))
]
(if: $theme is "sci-fi")[
(set: $goal to (either: "bring balance to the Force", "free the galaxy from the clutches of $antagonist", "carve a safe path through the Gamma Quadrant"))
]
(if: $theme is "fantasy")[
(set: $goal to (either: "slay a dragon and claim its hoard for the townspeople", "warn the king of an invading army", "crush $protagonisthis enemies, see them driven before $protagonisthim, and hear the lamentations of the women"
))
]
}(print: $protagonistpronoun's his)(print: $protagonistpronoun's he)(print: $antagonistpronoun's he)(print: $antagonistpronoun's him)(print: $protagonistpronoun's him)(set: $negative to (either: "racist", "overdone", "played out", "lazy", "sloppy", "clichéd", "passé", "tacky")){
(set: $bananatext to (either: "ANGRY IMPORTED SPIDER ", "pretend handgun ", "random hidden text ", "I'm in ur bananas bananaing ur bananas ", "so I herd u liek bananas ", "`[insert witty reference here]` ", "rhubarb ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana "))
(set: $bananarray to (a: $bananatext, "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana ", "banana "))
(set: $bananarray to (shuffled: ...$bananarray))
}Banana (print: $bananarray.join("")) banana.(alert: "0x000000f8 buffer overflow: PROJECT_PYTHIAS.HTML encountered iteration limit")[[GENERATE AGAIN->GENERATE]](display: (either: "Redundancy", "Fox")){
(if: $never is true)[ [[Redundancy]] [[Fox]] ]
}(display: (either: "Captain Redundancy", "Tautology Boy", "Same Story")){
(if: $never is true)[ [[Captain Redundancy]] [[Tautology Boy]] [[Same Story]] ]
}A (either: "charming little", "creepy", "talking", "magic", "superintelligent", "sinister", "charismatic") fox (either: "in", "wearing", "dressed in", "clothed in") (either: "an old binbag", "a sharp little suit", "a somewhat garish waistcoat", "a suit of his own design", "a Morris dancer's outfit", "a suit") (either: "stalks the woods", "wanders the town", "waits on the moor", "stalks the forest", "wanders the streets", "travels about") (either: "selling drugs", "planning an animal uprising", "plotting revenge", "serving a superintelligent chimp", "attempting to secure employment as a tailor", "eating the tongues of lying children"). (either: "It's quite unsettling.", "It's kind of cute in a way.", "It's actually a little endearing.", "You're kind of rooting for him, but also kind of not.", "You've never seen that before.", "Only one guy seems to notice, and nobody pays any attention to him because he's constantly on drugs.")Captain Redundancy (either: "breaks up a tennis racket racket with a tennis racket", "jumps in front of a bodyguard jumping in front of a bullet", "discovers that those invading aliens that can't handle Earth flu? They also melt if they get wet", "repeatedly offends repeat offenders", "discovers a secret tunnel in a prison moments before the prisoner can accidentally break into the guards' break room").(either: "", "", "
Also Tautology Boy is there too.")Captain Redundancy and his sidekick Tautology Boy (either: "break up a tennis racket racket with their tennis rackets", "jump in front of a bodyguard jumping in front of a bullet", "discover that those invading aliens that can't handle Earth flu? They also melt if they get wet.
You're welcome", "repeatedly offend repeat offenders", "discover a secret tunnel in a prison moments before the prisoner can accidentally break into the guards' break room").Captain Redundancy and Tautology Boy appear in the same story again and again and again.
↶↷
PROJECT PYTHIAS
Using state-of-the-art heuristics and a neural network trained using over one-hundred and fifty of the author's most popular short stories, this sophisticated online system is capable of generating thousands - perhaps millions - of flash fiction works, faithfully emulating the literary style of Damon L. Wakes.
GENERATE