Damon L. Wakes' WiFi Simulator 2018

(display: "WiFi ON") Welcome to //Damon L. Wakes' WiFi Simulator 2018//. This cutting-edge software simulates Damon L. Wakes' WiFi connection. ''Specifically'' Damon L. Wakes' WiFi connection. Okay, maybe yours too. [[BEGIN SIMULATION|HOME]]

{ (set: $never to false) (set: $actions to 0) (set: $cardWorking to false) (set: $cardOn to true) (set: $routerWorking to false) (set: $routerOn to true) (set: $routerTurns to 0) (set: $internetSeen to false) (set: $book to "none") }

(if: $routerTurns > 4)[(set: $routerTurns to 0)(set: $routerOn to true)](if: $cardWorking is true and $routerWorking is true and $routerOn is true)[(display: "SUCCESS!")(if: $never is true)[ [[SUCCESS!]] ]](elseif: $cardOn is true and $routerOn is true)[(display: "WiFi CONNECTING")](else:)[(display: "WiFi OFF")] (if: $cardWorking is false or $routerWorking is false or $cardOn is false or $routerOn is false)[Your WiFi is not working. (if: $actions >50)[(either: "Ugh.", "SIGH.", "Yawn.", "Tch.", "Grr.", "You wonder how many hours of your life you've spent fixing this junk altogether.", "You indulge in a little annoyed tutting. It's not very much fun.", "You wonder what people did before the internet. Presumably it didn't involve trying to get the internet to work.", "Well, this is annoying.", "You consider wrapping tinfoil around the antenna.", "Hey, maybe you could make a game about this!", "It occurs to you that this may be a good time to do something else.", "You consider wrapping tinfoil around the antenna AND THEN STICKING IT IN THE OVEN LIKE A POTATO.", "You wonder if you could plug in your phone and connect through that instead.", "This sucks.", "What year is it?", "You can't even remember what you were going to look up in the first place.", "You feel as though this has now become more of a personal vendetta against technology in general than an effort to solve a specific problem.", "You're not sure if this is the start of some sort of robot uprising, or concrete proof that such a thing could never ever happen.", "You suspect this may not be the best use of your time.", "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!", "HNNNNNG.", "RAAAGE!!!", "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO YOU???", "AAAAAARGH, WHYYYYY? AAARGHLFLARGHLPHHHHBT!") ](elseif: $actions >30)[(either: "Ugh.", "SIGH.", "Yawn.", "Tch.", "Grr.", "You wonder how many hours of your life you've spent fixing this junk altogether.", "You indulge in a little annoyed tutting. It's not very much fun.", "You wonder what people did before the internet. Presumably it didn't involve trying to get the internet to work.", "Well, this is annoying.", "You consider wrapping tinfoil around the antenna.", "Hey, maybe you could make a game about this!", "It occurs to you that this may be a good time to do something else.", "You consider wrapping tinfoil around the antenna AND THEN STICKING IT IN THE OVEN LIKE A POTATO.", "You wonder if you could plug in your phone and connect through that instead.", "This sucks.", "What year is it?", "You can't even remember what you were going to look up in the first place.", "You feel as though this has now become more of a personal vendetta against technology in general than an effort to solve a specific problem.", "You're not sure if this is the start of some sort of robot uprising, or concrete proof that such a thing could never ever happen.", "You suspect this may not be the best use of your time.") ](elseif: $actions > 20)[(either: "Ugh.", "SIGH.", "Yawn.", "Tch.", "Grr.", "You wonder how many hours of your life you've spent fixing this junk altogether.", "You indulge in a little annoyed tutting. It's not very much fun.", "You wonder what people did before the internet. Presumably it didn't involve trying to get the internet to work.", "Well, this is annoying.", "You consider wrapping tinfoil around the antenna.", "Hey, maybe you could make a game about this!", "It occurs to you that this may be a good time to do something else.", "You consider wrapping tinfoil around the antenna AND THEN STICKING IT IN THE OVEN LIKE A POTATO.", "You wonder if you could plug in your phone and connect through that instead.", "This sucks.") ](elseif: $actions > 10)[(either: "Ugh.", "SIGH.", "Yawn.", "Tch.", "Grr.", "You wonder how many hours of your life you've spent fixing this junk altogether.", "You indulge in a little annoyed tutting. It's not very much fun.", "You wonder what people did before the internet. Presumably it didn't involve trying to get the internet to work.", "Well, this is annoying.", "You consider arranging a little tinfoil satellite dish behind the antenna.") ](elseif: $actions > 0)[(either: "Ugh.", "*SIGH*", "Yawn.", "Tch.", "Grr.") ](if: $cardOn is true)[ [[TURN OFF WIRELESS CARD]] ](else:)[ [[TURN ON WIRELESS CARD]] ] (if: $routerOn is true)[ [[RESTART ROUTER]] ](else:)[ROUTER STILL RESTARTING] (link:"WAIT A WHILE")[(set: $actions to it + 1)(goto:"HOME")] ]

(display: "WiFi ON") SUCCESS! The WiFi is working! [[DO AN INTERNET]]

(live: 1s)[(if: $internetSeen is false)[ (display: "INTERNET")(set: $internetSeen to true)](else:)[(stop:)(either: "(set: $cardWorking to false)(set: $routerWorking to true)", "(set: $routerWorking to false)(set: $cardWorking to true)")(if: $routerWorking is false)[(display: "WiFi OFF")] (else:)[(display: "WiFi CONNECTING")] Aww, it dropped out again. :-( (link:"HAVE ANOTHER GO")[(set: $internetSeen to false)(goto:"HOME")] [[DO A BOOK INSTEAD]]]](if: $never is true)[ [[HOME]] ]

(set: $actions to it + 1)(set: $routerOn to false)(set: $routerTurns to 0)(either: "(set: $routerWorking to true)", "(set: $routerWorking to true)", "(set: $routerWorking to true)", "(set: $routerWorking to true)", "(set: $routerWorking to false)")You go downstairs and hold down the restart button on the router for a few seconds. (either: "This feels deeply pointless.", "You know, if you added up all the times you've spent holding down this button, you'd probably find you've spent about half an hour of your life doing this.", "Doop doop doop dooby-dooby-doo...", "What's that? Have you tried turning it off and on again? Why, yes. Yes you have.", "One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi...") [[RETURN UPSTAIRS|HOME]]

(display: "WiFi OFF") (set: $actions to it + 1)(set: $cardOn to false)You turn off your computer's wireless card. (either: "This feels counter-productive.", "The worst thing about this is that you KNOW it's not going to work now.", "You hope that turning this thing off and on all the time isn't somehow wearing it out. Although that would explain a lot...", "Great. It's off. What next?") [[DO SOMETHING ELSE|HOME]]

(display: "WiFi CONNECTING") (set: $actions to it + 1)(set: $cardOn to true)(either: "(set: $cardWorking to true)", "(set: $cardWorking to false)")You turn your computer's wireless card back on. (either: "You don't know if that actually achieved anything.", "Please work. Please work. Please work.", "Okay, THIS time for sure.", "Come on, come on, come on...", "You hope that turning this thing off and on all the time isn't somehow wearing it out. Although that would explain a lot...") [[DO A DIFFERENT THING|HOME]]

{ (if: $routerOn is false)[(set: $routerTurns to it + 1)] (either: "(set: $routerWorking to false)", "(set: $cardWorking to false)", "(set: $cardWorking to false)", "(set: $never to false)", "(set: $never to false)", "(set: $never to false)", "(set: $never to false)", "(set: $never to false)", "(set: $never to false)", "(set: $never to false)") }

(display: "BOOK")(set: $book to (either: "sci-fi", "fantasy", "unicorn splatterpunk", "banana", "Alterworld")) You decide to work on your latest $book project. You type three new sentences, then discover that you will have to { (if: $book is "sci-fi")[(either: "double-check the effects of explosive decompression", "work out the wattage necessary to power a laser capable of cutting through the Eiffel Tower", "determine the radiation hazard posed by relativistic aberration of cosmic rays at 0.4c")] (if: $book is "fantasy")[(either: "find out when the British Army stopped using muskets", "work out the difference between a sabre and a backsword", "determine whether or not it would be anachronistic to have the main characters stop off for fish and chips")] (if: $book is "unicorn splatterpunk")[(either: "compare the merits of electric and petrol-powered chainsaws", "get hold of a diagram of a horse's spinal column", "Google salsa recipes")] (if: $book is "banana")[double check how to spell (text-style: "strike")[bananna] (text-style: "strike")[bannana] (text-style: "strike")[bannanna] banana] (if: $book is "Alterworld")[(either: "find out when the British Army started issuing socks", "look up various unpleasant deep-sea creatures", "make sure this new detail is consistent with an already-available story")] } (either: "in order to progress any further", "to get anywhere with it", "or it's just going to keep bugging you all day", "because if you don't sort it out now, you just KNOW you're going to forget about it later on"). [[SWITCH TO A DIFFERENT PROJECT|DO A BOOK INSTEAD]] [[FIX WIFI|HOME]]

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Welcome to Damon L. Wakes' WiFi Simulator 2018. This cutting-edge software simulates Damon L. Wakes' WiFi connection.

Specifically Damon L. Wakes' WiFi connection.

Okay, maybe yours too.

BEGIN SIMULATION