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<div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[(text-style:"shadow")[
<h1>BOULDER NIGHTS</h1>]]
<div class="journal"><h2>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->please note]]]
</h2>
And that's what they were in for.
(live:2s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"green")[
"Public indecency?? We were born naked,
it shouldn't be a fucking crime!"]
(text-color:"purple")[
"Maxine, we should stop now. They said
they will let us out in the morning
if we behave."]
(text-color:"green")[
"Urgh, I need a drink."]
(text-color:"purple")[
"Didn't have enough already?"]
(text-color:"green")[
"Fuck, I think I wore it all off."]
[[Eighteen]]. They were treated like adults,
and they weren't used to it.
(stop:)]]
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
"The most difficult phase of your life is
not when no one understands you,
it is when [[you don't understand yourself.]]"
They say eighteen signals the end of your [[childhood]]
days and the start of the [[adventures of adulthood.]]
Some may see it as exciting and promising
while others see it as facing [[more responsibilities.]]
I'm expected to magically become mature
on [[my 18th birthday]], and I'm given feedback from
everyone telling me how to live my life.
I am experiencing some difficulties.
For the first time in my life I'm afraid of growing
old and the responsibilities that come along with it.
It's ironic because just last year I couldn't wait
to turn eighteen.
Various thoughts run through my mind:
from plannning what to do in a day,
what [[career]] to aim for,
what our [[teachers told us]],
[[the guy]] who didn't call me back,
about wanting to give meaning to my life
and about allowing myself things that
were [[forbidden]] earlier ...
My thoughts were so contradictory.
They confuse me,
sometimes I feel powerful and motivated,
then the very next moment I feel that
everything could be [[taken away]].
There's aways that vicious cycle of
[[frustration]], moments of [[joy]], happiness and
enthusiasm, feeling naughty and silly, fortunate
and [[rebellious]], [[alone and insecure]], and at times
[[hurt and regret.]]
[[continue >->STORY]]
]
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With this I would like to take you down your memory lane and give you a glimpse of my life, as
to how it feels to be 181 18 signals the end of the childhood days and the start of the adventures of adulthood. To
some, it is exciting and promising while to others it is about facing more responsibilities.
Its surprising how people expect teenagers all over the world to magically become mature on their 18th birthday!!
While others are thinking of how I should live my life^ I am experiencing some very different things. For the first time in
my life, Ive been scared about growing old and the responsibilities that come along!! Its ironic because just a year
ago, I couldn't wait to turn 18. A research shows that human beings have about 60 to 80 thousand thoughts a day.
However being 18 I can totally guarantee that they're not less than a million for me!
Thoughts from planning what to do in a day, what book to read, what career to aim for planning today and the next
after and the day after and after all the planning trying to remember what I needed to do today! Thinking about
globalization and saving animals, about something that my teacher about wanting to contribute to the family
financially, and about a boy who didn't call me today, about wanting to give meaning to my life and about allowing
myself things that were forbidden earlier... My thoughts are so contradictory.
They confuse me sometimes because when I feel like I'm king of the world, the very next moment I feel that
everything could be taken away. There seems to be a vicious cycle of //frustration, moments of joy, happiness and
enthusiasm, feeling naughty and silly, fortunate and rebellious, alone and insecure, and at times hurt and regretful.
===We were children just last yearl And now because im 18, Im stuck between childhood and adulthood. Its amazing how
just a number can change the way I behave and feel. There are days when I just play with my dog, go out to eat ice
cream with famitv and watch a movie,
Days I spend alone, reading a book and thinking about how I want to see myself in the next 10 years. Then there are
care free days when tm out with friends till late In the night, doing everything that teenagers are expected to do and
the next morning I feel like a little girl again. I may have become a hard core Brad Pitt fan but my favorite movie is still
Lion King, E think about how my fnends let me down and feel guilty about the mistakes i made, I keep planning how
my life will be ahead, and the very next second I realize that actually life is everything that happens while we're busy
making other plans and that scares me.
There are days when Im randomly happy, days when I just cant get things straight and days I swear I just want to kill
someone and have an evil laugh after that! And at the end of all of this...I realize that I'm just a girl trying to find my
place in this world and 18 seems a like a good age to start doing so.. <div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>understand yourself.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->01]]
</h3>]
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<div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>adventures of adulthood.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->02]]
</h3>]
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background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/7ShUyXW.jpg");
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>more responsibilities.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->03]]
</h3>]
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body {
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body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>18th birthday.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->04]]
</h3>]
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body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/LdnANoK.jpg");
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<div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>childhood.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->05]]
</h3>]
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background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/URCRepU.jpg");
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>career.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->06]]
</h3>]
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body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/bGtHkVA.jpg");
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body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>teachers told us.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->07]]
</h3>]
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body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/hpiOooo.jpg");
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body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>the guy.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->08]]
</h3>]
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body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/iQ832nL.jpg");
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<style>
body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>forbidden.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->09]]
</h3>]
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body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/iQeRXFC.jpg");
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<style>
body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>taken away.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->10]]
</h3>]
<style>
body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/c6j7ZQb.jpg");
background-size: contain; /* or contain */
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background-repeat: repeat;
margin:auto;
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<style>
body {
background-color: #000000;
}
</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>frustration.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->11]]
</h3>]
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body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/U8cwaXm.png");
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<div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>joy.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->12]]
</h3>]
<style>
body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/C0WTc9Z.jpg");
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<style>
body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>rebelious.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->13]]
</h3>]
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body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/VjE5BhM.jpg");
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body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>alone and insecure.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->14]]
</h3>]
<style>
body {
background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/708iSoO.png");
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<style>
body {
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</style><div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h1>hurt and regret.</h1>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->15]]
</h3>]
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</style><h3><div class="journal">
</div><b>(t8n:"dissolve")[6th grade<br>1998]</b></h3>
(click:"6th grade")[<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
New school, new teacher, new students, new clothes,
and same old me wanting to be anywhere but here.
]</div>(t8n:"dissolve")[
The hallways seemed busier, the students seemed less
friendly and the teachers didn't seem to care that
she was so unfamiliar with everything.
Classes were dull and boring, the teachers, like robots
trying to cram as much information into our heads
before the lunch bell rang.
Finally, it did.
She slung her backpack over her shoulder and headed
into the packed hallway, trying to find the cafeteria.
Groups of obnoxious boys raced past her in an effort
to get to their lunch first, cliques of girls walked by
like models, and some clotted the stairs.
The principal wore her standard greeting smile, but it never
extended to her eyes, as if her mind was off on some other
important task while she ticked everyone of her to-do list.
As she walked into the lunchroom alone, looking desperately
for an empty table, someone tapped her shoulder.
//"You look lonely//," she smiled at her, with a bright smile
that made her day a thousand times better.
//"Would you like to eat with me?"//
[["Sure."]]
]]
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<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
I think birthday celebrations are stupid,
as people become older, can we just cut
this Happy Birthday nonsense and leave the
days of uterine deliverance to the children?
Oddly enough, birthdays are similar to funerals.
People (hated or not) are typically spoken of
in glowing terms on two days, thier birthday and
the day they are buried.
I mean seriously, celebrate a person everyday of
their life if you think they are wonderful,
or if you're think they're a real asshole, then don't.
]</div>(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
I remember:
our little knees full of dirt,
and long nights of reading fairytales in the treehouse,
Little me strolling through the meadow full of tulips,
gold as the sun, and fresh cut grass flattened like waves
everytime the wind hit.
We would find a tree and declare it our own.
Raindrops would softly fall down our red flushed cheeks
and we would run inside, waiting for the cookies to be done.
We'd sit on the floor and listen to the rain hammering
lightly against the window.
We would make faces at each other,
and you'd do a funny grin smile only I could feel,
and I would giggle over your foolish face.
I remember how you thought it would be funny
to put gum all over your hair, only to have your
mom scold you and give you a boy's haircut to remove it.
You thought you looked ugly,
but I've always found you beautiful, Maxine.
My best friend.
]</div>
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
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</style><h3><div class="journal">
(t8n:"dissolve")[May 2009]</h3></div>(t8n:"dissolve")[<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
I met this guy at a little party Maxine
threw at her place, I actually like him.
We spoke the whole time there and
as he was speaking to me,
all I could do was just picture us together,
living a happy life.
And turns out, he's in real estate
and can help me out in getting a place for myself.
Just what I need to get away from this [[freak house.->hurt and regret.]]
]]</div>
(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]<h3><div class="journal">(text-color:"white")[
(t8n:"dissolve")[6th grade<br>1998]]</h3></div>
<div class="carmen">(text-color:"white")[(t8n:"dissolve")[She smells like peaches.
I get this urge to sit closer to her just
to take in the aroma, but it's not polite.
Her hair is almost all blonde, only showing
hints of the deepest brown when she's in the sun.
Her eyes are blue, but so light you'd think
the ocean is held in her eyes.
Her laugh is so infectious, and so is [[her smile.]]
]]
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<style>
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</style><div class="journal">
</div><h3>(t8n:"dissolve")[2005]</h3>
<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[Maxine has no chill, at all.
We went to this party and at
the end of it, she ran out of the
house completely naked. Yes, completely
naked, singing her favorite songs at
the top of her lungs.
She somehow convinced me to join her,
so I stripped to my underwear and did so.
I've got to admit, it was pretty fun and
I haven't felt anymore free than in that moment.
Unfortunately some folks called the cops
and we ended up getting arrested.
I'm never having alcohol again.
]</div>(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
I made a new friend in school today.
She looks like she's been through
a mangler but knows how to tell the
bullies to get lost.
I've never seen someone who looks so
weak to have the courage to stand up
like Bruce Lee.
She is a legend.
It was like watching Bambi pull out his
own rifle and shoot the hunter where it counted.
]</div>(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
Carmen never saw Maxine lonely, not that she
was ever alone. When she was by herself she wasn't
looking for any company, she was comfortable in
her own skin. She'd talk to anyone who approached
her and didn't care if they were "popular" or not.
With all the crazy cliques going on at school she
was something of an "independent" rather than a reject.
She had intelligent things to say and an attitude
that was somehow more mature than the rest of us.
She knew who to trust and who to be casual with;
but mostly she seemed to have decided that school was
for work. It was for getting her grades and if she made
friends along the way that was great, but not essential.
However, they grew close [[over the years.]]
(stop:)]]
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<h3><div class="journal">
</div>(t8n:"dissolve")[eleventh grade<br>2003]</h3>
(click:"eleventh grade")[(t8n:"dissolve")[She sits back and thinks about when
she was a kid, when they were kids.
She was often over at Maxine's house,
it was a place to hide and she knew it,
but not once was she ever made to feel unwelcomed.
School was terrible everyday and home
just rocked back and forth between comfort and harmful.]</div>
<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
She was never stable, more in her teenage years,
but Maxine was always there for me.
All the softness of a child replaced by sharp edges,
but a bit of softness remains,
honest advice, carefully phrased to cause no harm.
She is an anchor point in my sea of [[troubles]],
and I will always be grateful.
]]</div>
<style>
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background-image:url("http://i.imgur.com/Z8LsBcn.jpg");
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
"Mixed feelings" is a norm for me,
others speak of it like it's an exception.
I'm afraid to try and afraid not to -
what I actually do depends on the balance
between the two.
My personal happiness is forever tinged with
sadness for those less fortunate. I want to
help others but fear giving away what my family
may need in the future.
I can't stand my thoughts, they're so contradictive.
Maxine says love is the way out, like it's some kind
of open door into unlimited sunshine.
I'm not sure but I'm going to try it her way for a while;
I can't keep on repeating the same stupidity and expecting
a different result. I have the feeling it'll be a life long
journey instead of a magic pill, but like all journeys they
are simply [[one step at a time.]]
]
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</style>
<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
I wonder what world history would look like
if we had all understood our feelings better
and could be honest with ourselves.
I wonder how many world leaders lied to
themselves on their true intentions for war.
How many said it was for God?
How many said it was actually for greed
and fear of the unknown?
How many addressed their unwarranted
feelings of superiority?
Perhaps they had issues from childhood,
pent up rage,
an "inner-child" who never felt loved?
A huge part of the solution lies in the understanding
of the way we feel, what triggers negative thoughts and
how we avoid acting on them.
What is the good of understanding the universe
if we fail to understand ourselves?]</div>
(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[continue >]]
]
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</style>(text-color:"green")[
"So, we're invited to a party tonight.
Dude's place is like a mansion. Down?"]
(text-color:"purple")[
"I'm not sure, I havn't completed my
assignments yet."]
(text-color:"green")[
"We can put the assignments on hold for now,
we can help each other tommorrow.
We've been working hard this whole
week and I just want to unwind
tonight with my girl by my side."]
(text-color:"purple")[
"You just want to hook up with
Mike , don't you?"]
(text-color:"green")[
"Err, that maaay be one of the
reasons."]
(text-color:"purple")[
"Urgh, fine. Let's go"]
(text-color:"green")[
"Ah, yay! Thanks, I love you so much."]
(text-color:"purple")[
[["Love you too."->forbidden]]]
(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]
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</style>(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
Frustration.
It's the root the many illnesses that
include depression, stress, anxiety,
panic attacks and many other emotional sickness.
It is an emotion that can trigger long term thoughts
that can damage your mind for a long time.
It shouldn't be taken lightly.
It doesn't sound dangerous, but long exposure to it
and aggravation by something can be devastating.
<h3><b>(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[January 2010 (stop:)]]</b></h3>(stop:)]]
<div class="carmen">(live: 2s)[(t8n:"dissolve")["Drug abuse hotline" -
that's what the sticker said,
followed by the number,
in bold black letters on my fridge.
I've never touched drugs, my dad however,
he's a junkie, and my mom wasn't subtle in her hints.
I never felt the need for these substances,
not until the pain became unbearable.
I slit them, my wrists, I slit them.
I had to take pain killers, one, two, ten,
that felt right.
My gosh, the pain, the blood, it was everywhere.
But in the moment, I never thought about the consequences,
I just wanted the feelings to go away,
I sliced through my own hand, with a razor
from my dad's shaving kit,
just because of a temporary problem,
leaving a permanent scar,
a permanent reminder,
of that horrible night.
(stop:)]]
(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
(stop:)]]
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background-repeat: repeat;
margin:auto;
padding:0;
}
</style>
<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
I ended up sleeping with this guy!
I had no intention of doing so,
but my drunken mind overpowered me.
I'm so upset.
My first time was drunken sex.
Great.
]</div>(t8n:"dissolve")[
At the end of the night the mansion was like a
dilapidated house, abused and falling apart.
On it's black and white porcelain tiles
were spilled drinks and broken glasses.
As the lights turned on for clean up,
the scene that seemed so exciting and sexual
only minutes before, now had all the ambiance
of a dirty bathroom.
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]
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</style><h3><div class="journal">
</div><b>(t8n:"dissolve")[Boulder, Colorado<br>2005]</b></h3>
(click:"Boulder, Colorado")[(t8n:"dissolve")[//"Carmen Smith".//
She makes her way to the camera and
shows off a cheeky smile as her mugshot
is captured.
//"Maxine Travis".//
She gives off a seductive look to
the camera followed by a teasing wink
to all of the officers in the room.
It was hard not to stare since all they
had on were bikinis, almost [[too revealing.]]
(stop:)]]
<style>
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background-size: cover; /* or contain */
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
Maxine and I got hold of some money
and decided to rent a place for a few days.
We figured it would give us a taste of what
being an adult is actually like.
My mom was all for the idea, and dad couldn't
be bothered. Not like he was around much anyway.
]]</div>(live: 2s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
She wakes up, and bet she heard her mom yelling
at her for sleeping in. But the reality then takes
over her dreams. Mom's not there.
All she had to do was take it in.
Maxine greets her with a grin,
some reality show is blaring on the TV,
the sink is filled with dishes,
still there because no one told us to do it.
Growing up is all about responsibilities.
It's not doing the dishes otherwise you
wil be deprived of your luxaries.
It's doing it because you won't have anything
to eat from otherwise.
Waking up early is not about pleasing your mother
and giving her a reason to let you go out.
It's about running errands that your life
literally depends on.
Curfews are not for your parents to stop worrying
about your safety, but you worrying about yours.
Having a job is not about saving, it's about spending.
She curses herself for wanting to grow up so fast.
(text-color:"lightgreen")[
"Oh, I'm going out to the party tonight. You coming?"]
Maxine shouts to make herself audible over the noise from the TV.
(text-color:"hotpink")["Hell, yeah."]]
]<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
Did I mention growing up is having fun and being free?
(stop:)]]]</div>
(live: 2s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
(stop:)]]
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<style>
body {
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</style><h3><div class="journal">(text-color:"white")[
(t8n:"dissolve")[2009]]</h3></div>(text-color:"white")[(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
For the first time in her life,
she found herself alone.
Huddled deep in plastic cups
in the bathroom, she sat alone and
utterly terrified in darkness.
The darkness consumed her weak form.
No one was there to soothe her fears.
It was just her, alone in a strange place
with strange people.
Maxine enters the bathroom, looking frantic.(text-color:"lightgreen")[
"Hey, I was searching the whole house for you!
Are you okay?"]
She notices her crying.(text-color:"lightgreen")[
"Carmen ... please speak to me."]
Carmen notices Maxine crying as well.
(text-color:"purple")[
"Why are you crying?"]
(text-color:"lightgreen")[
"I was worried about you."]
(text-color:"purple")[
"Why?"]
(text-color:"lightgreen")[
"Why? I'm your best friend, Carmen.
And because I realized once more the
suffering you had to go through, and I can't
believe you made it out alive. Because I can’t
take it, I can’t bear the fact that this world
fucked you up so bad you can’t believe someone
loves you."]
(text-color:"purple")[
“I can’t believe someone like you can love me,
because I don’t deserve it.”]
(text-color:"lightgreen")[
“Let’s make things clear here and now: the one that
doesn't deserve being lucky here is me. And with you
I fucking hit the jackpot, so don’t tell me again that
you can’t believe me, because you’re a fucking miracle
and I thank the universe everyday not only for having you
in my life, but for letting you keep going with the shit
you had to face all alone.”]
She smiled, caressing her face.(text-color:"lightgreen")[
"You're not alone anymore. And you'll never be again."]
[[continue >->14 (02)]]
(stop:)]]]
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<style>
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</style><h3><div class="journal">(text-color:"white")[
(t8n:"dissolve")[November, 2009]]</h3></div>(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
The sparkle of yesterday was extinguished.
Her eyes moved slower and always more down-cast,
skimming the floor, rarely raising to eye level.
It was in her voice too, quieter, with a meekness
that wasn't usually part of her speech pattern.
She was unhappy in a way she hadn't seen before,
like a small slice of bereavement.
(stop:)]]]<div class="carmen">(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
Your lack of eye contact should have warned me,
it isn't natural to avert your gaze from the one you love.
It gave you distance from my heart and soul,
enough to allow the mean behaviour you crave.
In those moments I felt dehumanised, controlled, like
just another part of your life to perform a function
you required.
It hurts. It hurts just as much like it did back home.
I thought I was escaping hell, but I've only opened
a new door leading [[right back to it.->15 (02)]]
(stop:)]]]
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<style>
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
People's intentions are clear,
and I know most mean no harm,
but still, it's love.
Any association with the emotion
has always been a bad one,
and my body just learned to reject it.
I can't help it and it sucks.
The flashbacks of my beaten mother crying
on the floor are haunting.
It hurts so much.
Everytime I remember it
I end up crying in a corner somwhere.
My dad's bloody fists,
linked to an arm with alcohol runnning
through the veins,
the bloodshot eyes,
the screaming ...
I can't take this anymore.
Why do humans fall in love if this is the consequence?
]]
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
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<style>
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</style><h3><div class="journal">
(t8n:"dissolve")[November, 2009]</h3></div>(live: 2s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
She left her home, her family.
It may have been a selfish move
but it's something that she had to do
for her own sanity.
Her house felt more harmful than a home
so she set off to her new home in a little
suburb near the city.(stop:)]]
<div class="carmen">(live: 5s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
I had to [[leave]] my mom with him,
but I would be starting a new life.
One without all the hurting.
I love you, mom.
I hope you can forgive me.
(stop:)]]
<style>
body {
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
Maxine introduced me to this guy, Jake.
When my eyes first landed on him my heart
almost stopped. He has spiky black hair that
complements his pale skin so beautifully.
His smile nearly melts me into a puddle of nothing.
"Hi", and his voice so inviting.
I'm already totally obsessed with this guy,
I just know it.
]</div>(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
The music was so loud that it could make your skin
tingle and lungs feel like mush. The bass thumped in
time with heart beats as though they were one,
filling everyone from head to toe with music.
Laughter rang everywhere and wouldn’t seem to stop
as the music got louder and louder, pulling everyone
in the crowd.
Maxine disappeared ages ago to hook up with
her guy, leaving Carmen and Jake alone together.
The night carried on, along with a lot of
[[dancing and alcohol.]]
(stop:)]]
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</style><h3><div class="journal">(text-color:"white")[
(t8n:"dissolve")[8th grade<br>2000]]</h3></div>(live: 1s)[(text-color:"white")[(t8n:"dissolve")[
One of the first things she remembers about Maxine
is that she was the kid who sat at the back of the
classroom, always drumming on the desk with her pens
and pencils. She’d kick the chair of the cute boy
in front of her, but when he turned around to scold her,
she’d just give the biggest smile and flash her dimples
at him; that was how she'd [[always]] get her way.(stop:)]]]
<div class="carmen">(text-color:"white")[(live: 5s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
I’ve always admired her ability to worm her way out of any situation.
(stop:)]]]</div>
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<div class="carmen">(text-color:"white")[(t8n:"dissolve")[
Through thick and thin, she was always there.
I often feel [[alone and insecure]],
so I am forever grateful that she is in my life.
]]</div>
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
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<style>
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</style><h3><div class="journal">
(t8n:"dissolve")[12th grade<br>2004]</h3></div>
<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[My teacher had the look of one who had grown
too fast in his youth, but he was one teacher
the kids could never get the better of.
Whatever witty comments they had, he had one better.
He took their disobedience and turned it on them,
but not through belittling or abuse of authority.
He reacted to their behaviour with a style of humour
they could relate to, or even aspire.
When he taught, it was with passion, like it was
everything he wanted to do in life. All he wanted to
do was inspire a love of learning in the [[next generation.->career]]
]</div>(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
Whenever I heard the word "responsibility"
I thought of blame, as in "who's responsible
for this?"
But that's not what it really is, it's more
of the ability to respond. It's creating what
you want through personal choices.
And the responsibility I have is my life.
I am solely responsible of how my life will
turn out, so I need to [[take control.->teachers told us]]
]</div>
(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]
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</style>
A satisfying career is often the key to
a happy fulfilled life, increasing well
being not only on a economic level,
but on a social and psychological level
as well.
However, Carmen did not want to study
further after school as she felt it was
a waste of time and money, and her parents
were in deep debt as it is.
She was interested in modeling, be it
photography or runway modeling, professional
or amatuer, it was something she has always
wanted to get into one day.
Unfortunately she didn't get the chance with
any agencies as she was not tall enough and
ended up working as a receptionist in a law firm
from the late months of 2009.
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
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</style><div class="carmen">(text-color:"white")[(t8n:"dissolve")[
I am so much more fortunate than I give myself credit for.
I'm constantly preoccupying myself with thoughts of things
I don't have and experiences I am missing out on.
I should be appreciative and grateful for everything I have
and everything I'm going to receive.
If we looked around us, we would find endless things
we have that others are not as fortunate to have.
People complain about the outdated things they have when
they should be grateful that they have these things in
the first place.]
]</div>(text-color:"white")[(t8n:"dissolve")[
Gratitude, it turns what we have into enough.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order,
and confusion to clarity.
You really do not know how good you have it until it's gone.
In relationships, a person can take their partner for granted,
and only after the relationship is destroyed does the person
realise the irreverseable mistake they have made.
At this point it is too late and the person failed to realise
how fortunate they were.
Sight, sound, legs, arms, food, drinkable water, a roof over
our heads and loved ones; the things you take for granted are
the things others are praying for.
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]]
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<style>
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</style><div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
I've always imagined leaving home -
mother in tears and father angry as usual.
I would pack my small car with loads of bags
and suitcases and head to my new little home.
They show no love and suck the life out of me,
how do I live with that?
So instead I leave them fighting in the other
room, pretending like they don't know I'm leaving.
There's no small car or loads of luggage,
only badly stuffed bin-liners with all of my goods.
]</div>(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
Just as the last one is filled, there's a toot from
the street, Maxine is here to pick her up.
She exits the sunlight faded door, brittle and blue.
Leaving home is bitter-sweet, there's bad memories
but also some good ones, leaving them balled up in
her chest. She runs her hand along the elongated
door handle, memorising the patina.
She then seizes it, ramming the door shut,
almost hearing the ghost of her childhood whimper.
(stop:)]]<div class="carmen">(live: 1s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
I have grown up and life moves on, [[isn't that what they say?->outro]]
(stop:)]]</div>
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</style>(text-color:"white")[
He seemed like a nice guy at first.
Good mannerisms, polite, gentle on the touch;
Carmen was a sucker for that.
Maxine left them alone and went to
hook up with Mike, as usual.
All they did for the whole night was speak,
exchanging deep subject matter.
Turns out he is in real estate and can
make a good deal on a house for Carmen.
[[And so it began ...]]
]
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</style><h3><div class="journal">(text-color:"white")[
(t8n:"dissolve")[February 2010]]</h3></div>(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
Love turned into hate.
Soft touches turned into slaps.
Kisses turned into a bleeding mouth,
begging for him to stop.
The first slap, only days ago,
had been the worst.
She did not expect him to be so strong,
but that was an impact enough to stun.
Even though his hand was empty, it was
like being hit with a hunk of meat and
after she had to endure words of hatred.
All of it spilling from a man that she
thought really loved her.
Days later, she ended the relationship.
He wasn't bothered as he was busy with work.
But he told her,
//"If you tell anyone about us, I will kill you."//
She knew he wasn't joking when the next day
she found her dog killed on her doorstep.
Months went by and she was thankful that she
didn't hear from him again.
]]
(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[//< back to journal//->Eighteen]]
]
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<style>
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<h3><b>Please note</b></h3>
This is a prequel to the game <b>Nights in Boulder.</b>
It is optional but recommended to play it first
to avoid possible confusion.
If you wish to play it, it can be played <a href="http://philome.la/zanefulton_/night-in-boulder/play" target="_blank">here.</a>
Alternatively, you can [[continue >->Start]]
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<div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h2>Sorry, Miss Williams</h2>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->start main story]]
</h3>]
<style>
body {
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There was nothing else to do but stare at
the four white walls they were surrounded by.
To look at the paint that has chipped away
over time and the rusted metal bars that stood
sturdy enclosing them in their cell.
There were no windows, just a hallow cube of
concrete where you have no idea how much time
had passed or even if it was night or day.
They were only held within it for a few hours
so far, but they were totally disorientated.
The only sound they could hear was an officer
walking by every once in a while with his keys
rattling against his belt.
As the night progressed, it got icy cold.
All they could do to get warm was hold each
other tight, accumulating body heat.
[[continue >->start (02)]]
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Finally, morning peeked through a crack
in the wall relieving them of the tense
night spent in a cold and dark cell.
Hungover and exhausted as ever, they are
greeted by a skrawny officer who opens
the cell for them. They make their way
to the chief lieutenant's office to fill out
papers for their release.
She stood tall and was bold in her speech.
//"Carmen Smith and Maxine Travis?"//
(text-color:"green")[
"That's us."]
//"What on earth were you girls thinking?"//
(text-color:"green")[
"Look, we were drunk, just wanted to have fu.."]
Carmen interupts Maxine.(text-color:"purple")[
"Lieutenant, we are really sorry for our actions
last night, it was extremely inappropriate.
And trust me, we have learned from this and I
assure you it will never happen again."]
//"You know, I was young and crazy once upon
a time, and I would say I understand, but I've
never gotten drunk and streaked through a residential
neighbourhood, waking up every household I passed."//
(text-color:"green")[
"We've apologised, are you going to let us go?"]
<a>
[["Maxine, apologise as well."]]
[["Hey, don't speak like that."]]</a>
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</style>(text-color:"green")[
"You've just apologised for the both of us."]
//"You know, with your friend's attitude,
it's making it real hard for me to want
to release you girls."//
(text-color:"purple")[
"Maxine, please."]
(text-color:"green")[
"Fine, I'm sorry, lieutenant ...?"]
//"Lieutenant Williams."//
(text-color:"green")[
"Williams, Lieutenant Williams.
It was a silly thing for us to do,
and as Carmen just said, we will
make sure that it never happens again.]
She gives the girls a skeptical look
but proceeds to print out the forms
they will have to sign. She has more
important things to work on and two
young girls causes a disturbance is
the least of her worries.
//"Here, sign where stated."//
[[Sign the forms.]]
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</style>(text-color:"green")[
"I'm just asking a question!"]
//"You know, with your friend's attitude,
it's making it real hard for me to want
to release you girls."//
(text-color:"purple")[
"Maxine, please."]
(text-color:"green")[
"Fine, I'm sorry, lieutenant ...?"]
//"Lieutenant Williams."//
(text-color:"green")[
"Williams, Lieutenant Williams.
It was a silly thing for us to do,
and as Carmen just said, we will
make sure that it never happens again.]
She gives the girls a skeptical look
but proceeds to print out the forms
they will have to sign. She has more
important things to work on and two
young girls causes a disturbance is
the least of her worries.
//"Here, sign where stated."//
[[Sign the forms.]]
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Upon completion of signing the forms,
the girls are escorted out of the building,
grateful to see the sun again.
(live: 4s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
They are given a ride home by an officer.(stop:)]]
(live: 6s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
Both their parents were unaware of
the whole situation, reason-being
that they were supposed to be staying
over at a friend's place last night.
Upon being asked by officers for their
parent's details, they stated they lived
alone together.
Maxine whispers in Carmen's ear:(text-color:"green")[
"If only our parents knew about this,
we'd be so screwed. Feels good to be
eighteen, doesn't it?"
[[Sure does.]]
(stop:)]]]
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<div class="mainheader">(text-color:"white")[
<h2>leave her alone.</h2>]
<div class="journal"><h3>(text-style:"fade-in-out")[[[Start->EP 2]]
</h3>]
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(t8n:"dissolve")[12 September 2009]</h3></div>(t8n:"dissolve")[<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
He knew when he saw her eyes filled with tears
and her mouth full of blood, that he should relent.
But it only pushed him on, filling him with power.
Only when she was weeping in agony
and completely helpless on the floor,
would he stop.
He felt guilty in some way,
but that never stopped him before
and won't stop him again.]]</div>
[[>]]
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(t8n:"dissolve")[15 September 2009]</h3></div>(t8n:"dissolve")[<div class="carmen">(t8n:"dissolve")[
The house would be filled with silence,
but on some nights it would be manifested
in screams, enough to send a pulsating shock
to my heart and make my blood run cold.
He would scream his whole body out,
I'd run down to the edge of the stairs
to peek at what's going on.
His eyes would be wide with horror,
his face rigid, and fists clenched with
his nails digging deep into the palm of his hand.
I knew what came next.]]
[[>->(02)]]
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Carmen's dad showed no mercy to her mom
whatsoever. He drank, took drugs and never
showed concern for his family from late
August 2009, when his addictions began.
In early November 2009, she couldn't take
it anymore. It was damaging to her [[well-being.]]
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<h3><div class="journal">
(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[January 2010]]</h3></div>(click:"January 2010")[(t8n:"dissolve")[(text-color:"white")[
Days go by and in those days she felt much
happier than she did at home. She had her own
home and a job that sustained her. Maxine would
visit often and they also would go out and have
a good time, just like they did at eighteen.
On one particular night Carmen visited a
[[local bar]] by herself, just to use the WiFi.
]]]
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Upon entering the bar, all that she can inhale
is the strong smell of whiskey that is radiating
from the front of the bar.
She takes a seat at a corner table, being a more
quieter area suitable to get her work done.
Moments later, she notices a guy that keeps
on staring at her but tries to zone him out
so that she can continue with her [[work.]]
]
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(text-color:"white")[
She decided to take a break and just
sit back and observe the activity in the bar.
She watches the smoke from a guy smoking
a vape. It twisted in an artistic way, forming
curls in the gloom, illuminated by
the bright bar lights.
Along every wall was ever hue of alcohol
the bar served, and it looked like the guy
that has been staring her down has gotten
all of it.
]
[[>->end]]
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(text-color:"white")[
He raises his shaky finger to call the bartender,
and still glances at Carmen from time to time.
(live: 4s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
The bartender hands him his drink, and he gets
out of his seat, presumably to leave.(stop:)]]
(live: 7s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
However, he ends up walking her way.(stop:)]]
(live: 9s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[>->credits]]
(stop:)]]
]
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Written & created by
Zane Fulton
Cover art by
<a href="http://pexels.com" target="_blank">Pexels</a>
Images provided by
<a href="http://pexels.com" target="_blank">Pexels</a>
Images hosted by
<a href="http://imgur.com" target="_blank">Imgur</a>
Outro music performed by
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ8ECOhEKZNKgIJ7YfFeKXg" target="_blank">Nicole Milik</a>
Song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sL4ONH6KUDc"_blank">Spirits by The Strumbellas</a>
Fonts by
<a href="http://fonts.google.com" target="_blank">Google Fonts</a>
Created in Twine 2.1 using Harlowe.
[[Back to Main Menu->MAIN MENU]]
]
<audio src="http://k003.kiwi6.com/hotlink/hru32znbh8/EDITSpirits_-_The_Strumbellas_acoustic_cover_by_Nicole_Milik_.mp3" autoplay>
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