You wake up in your bed. Your pillow is under your head and its crooked. Your spidey senses are telling you there is someone next to you in the bed.
[[look around the room]]
[[try to sleep more]]
It's morning and some slivers of bright light are hurting the darkness. The room is boring and stupid. You've seen it a million times. You wish there was something not so stupid about it, but wishing doesn't do nothin.
[[look at person next to you in bed]]
[[just lay there longer]]
Your brain laughs and says, "Oh yeah?! How about I overclock myself right now!" And it does. All these amazing ideas for your job and life flood your mind. You can't afford to lose them.
[[lose them and keep laying there]]
[[run to the white board]]
The person you are laying next to is your significant other. They are using their phone. As you glance at them your bladder is feeling a bit stingy. You wonder, "when the frick are they gonna go pee?"
[[you get up to go pee]]
[[wait for your other to go pee]]
Thoughts come into your mind. Memories of when you did that stupid thing when you were too old to have done that compared to people your age. You remember when that one person you liked, liked you back.
Now you really gotta go pee though because you were thinking for SO long
[[you get up to go pee]]
Just as soon as you get up, your other jumps up out of the bed and rushes to go to the bathroom. You're like, man, and stuff, so you lay down in the bed again.
[[look at phone]]
[[do nothing in the bed like a piece of cheese]]
Your other continues to use their phone. What exactly are they doing on their phone anyway? How long have they been doing that? Don't they have to pee?
[[you get up to go pee]]
[[wait ever longer]]
Your bladder now feels like its going to explode. You love the pain, you freak. But its inconvenient to pee in your bed so...
[[you get up to go pee]]
You open up your email and there are frickin 10 emails about work. You never get emails about work, but there they are in all their glory.
[[ignore emails]]
[[look at the stupid emails]]
You piece of cheese! Time passes and your significant other gets out of the restroom and asks if you want coffee.
Well do you want coffee... punk?!
[[yes]]
[[no]]
You put your phone back down and sigh in exhasperation about the stupidity of your life. But then you remember you are trying to train yourself to be positive. How can this be positive?
[[you might have a reason to live; work]]
[[someone wants something from you. You are wanted]]
Your boss is like man, I got this opportunity that you can't afford to miss. You do this thing XYZ and it's cool and crap.The other emails are mostly just a bunch of crap.
[[you just ignore the opportunity, because its early]]
[[you literally forget about the opportunity, because its early]]
You need coffee because you hate your life. You still love everybody you know, but you won't get coffee until you take the dog out.
[[Notice your dog]]
I can't believe you said no. You don't deserve to be a protagonist in this story.
THE END
[[wake up]]
You remember that you are actually a robot and not a person. You were running a simulation of being a human. You bleep bloop and get back to crunching teraflops of zeros and ones.
[[wake up]]
You pause in your doing nothingness to contemplate how someone out there needs you and wants you... to do something for them. You smile deep DEEP down inside and force yourself to get up.
[[Notice your dog]]
He's running around like a maniac he's so happy to see you up!
[[you are inspired to take him for a poo, because you were being a selfish turd all morning]]
[[pretend not to notice your dog]]
You turn into a dog and your dog punches you in the face and can speak English. He says, "In your face, man!"
You die because this is the end of this stupid branch of the story.
[[wake up]]
You guys go outside to that special place that he likes to poo. He's super happy to be outside, so happy he's not even considering pooping.
[[a druggie shambles by on his way to shoot up in the park nearby]]
[[two teenagers dressed in stupid cat hats that are dirty walk by playing music with speakers in their pockets]]
You dog barks at the druggie, but the druggie is really just a nice person with a bad drug habit. He grew up with a dog and feels a bit sad now that a dog is prejudging him.
[[tell the dog no]]
[[wave to the nice person]]
You dog barks at the couple who are somehow walking and kissing for the entire time they are in your view. They ignore the dog, they ignore you. Their music was actually their own making and a producer drives by and hears it. He fucking loves the music and they become famous somehow.
You dog manages NOT to poo, because... because, he pooed late last night.
[[go back in]]
You sternly tell your dog "No!" and your dog ignores you like usual.
[[wait for him to poo]]
[[go back in]]
The guy thinks you're an idiot and keeps a shamblin' on.
[[resent it]]
He doesn't poo.
[[go back in]]
You go back inside and your significant other JUST started making coffee even though clearly plenty enough time has gone by to make coffee, and asked if your dog pooed.
[[you tell the truth]]
[[you don't tell the truth]]
You seeth on the inside. Flashbacks of past times you tried to be nice, but you were treated with distain instead bubble up into your consciousness.
[[go back in]]
[[wait for him to poo]]
Your significant other is cool with it. It's just poo, man.
[[You live happily ever after]]
For some reason, you lie like a sack of turds. Your other knows when you lie and wonders why you are acting like a sack of turds. They don't say anything though and play it off like it ain't no thang. It's a thang though and you are gonna get it later!
[[You live happily ever after]]
You keep laying there and the flood of ideas keep coming. You grasp at them, but you can't grab them. Like that 90's song with Matt Patton and his band, what was their name?
[[look at person next to you in bed]]
[[just lay there longer]]
Your white board is filled with other thoughts from other days you did the same thing! What do you do next?
[[Notice your dog]]
You also went pee.
[[wake up]]
You try to, but you have a terrible memory and forget about it anyhow. If you don't get up, you will pee in your bed. You get up and suddenly your dog is crazy runnning around all crazy happy to see you.
[[Notice your dog]]
Of course you do!*eyes rolling like a suspicious boss*
You get up because I need you to do get up, as this ties the branches together.
[[Notice your dog]]