You are sitting in the living room. You're bored. You pick up the remote, and click on the TV. Southpark episode 6732, season 130 pops up on the screen. Wow, your life has not changed. Your kids never call anymore, or come and visit. Your ex-wife lives with her new husband of 15 years. You have a fish. How did your life turn out like this? What happened... Maybe the dusty old photo album has the secrets. Where is that thing anyway? Your memory is not what is used to be. Ah, there [[it->Album Opening]] is underneath the TV guide.
You crack open the photo album of your life. The corners of the photos are curling in and the album smells like an old book....
You decide to [[flip->Age 5]] through the pages.
Such a young boy! You must have been only 5 years old then. Dad probably took that picture when you were getting ready for that movie. Which one was it again?
[[Frozen->Frozen]]
[[Inside Out->Inside Out]]
[[Big Hero 6->Big Hero 6]]
[[Minions->Minions]]
Look at those braces! That was your first day of 7th grade, just starting middle school. Your dad made you take a photo with your neighbor, Susie, on your front steps. A tote bag filled with colored pens is hanging over your shoulder. You are towering over Susie in the photo, which was a real shame because you had a huge crush on her, and everyone knows girls only like guys who are shorter than them. If only you didn't sprout up so fast, maybe you would have a chance with her. But then again, she is pretty childish when she is with the rest of her friends.
Whatever, [[high school->Age 16]] is when the girls started to become more mature anyway.
Wow, you had a lot of fun in high school. There's that selfie you took with Terry right before the soccer girls' party, junior year. Man, how did that night even start?
[[Pre game at Terry's->Terry's]]
[[Dinner with Mom and Dad->Dinner at home]]
[[Went to the party straight from Cheerleading-> Cheerleading]]
Oh look, there's when you got dropped off at college! Your mom took a photo of you sitting in your dorm room with your roommate. You had just hung up all of your decorations, and your bedding perfectly matched your desk accessories. Above your bed hung a One Direction poster. You loved that Computer Science sticker on your new shiny Macbook Pro, but now it reminds you of how you chose not to do a major where you would be the only boy in the class. Instead you considered majoring in either (link:"Art History")[(set: $major to "Art History")(goto: "Art History")] or (link:"Men's and Gender Studies")[(set: $major to "Men's and Gender Studies")(goto: "MGS")].
Though $major was time consuming, you still found time for a little fun. This was when you went to Delta Gamma Pi, which all the hot girls were in, for their largest party of the year. The toga theme was an oldie, but a goodie. You went with a group of your closest bros and you were all ready to meet some new girls. A very direct girl approaches you and asks, "Do you want to play pong with me?" You respond, (link:"Sure, I guess I'll play")[(set: $pong to "yes pong")(goto: "Play Pong")] or (link:"I think I have to go to the bathroom")[(set: $pong to "no pong")(goto: "Bathroom")].
You are looking around the room for a friend to go to the bathroom with. You know exactly where it is, but you want some company as an insurance policy. What if that girl comes back to talk to you again? You find your friend Marshall and after going to the bathroom, he makes you go home for the night. You drank a little too much and he didn't want you to make any bad choices. You are so lucky that you have good friends. That could have turned out badly.
From then on you decide to focus less on girls and more on doing well for youself.
[[Next->Job]]
Your hand-eye coordination wasn't very good, and it didn't help that you're a little tipsy already. You're not really the sorority party type of guy, and it was showing. The girl was making every other cup, and you had made one. Tonight just wasn't your night. You end up losing the game, but the girl still seemed interested in you. She grabed you another drink and asked if you would like to go upstairs for a house tour. (link:"Sure, I've never been upstairs")[(set: $upstairs to "yes")(goto:"House Tour")] or (link:"I think I have to go to the bathroom")[(set: $upstairs to "no")(goto: "Bathroom")].
You take the drink she offers and on a whim, dip your finger in it when she isn't looking. Your friend Marshall had found this new lotion that changes color in the presence of roofies, and you were curious if it would actually do anything. You are walking up the stairs, stepping over red solo cups and passing by a couple making out in the hallway when you notice your finger starting to turn blue. The girl is holding your arm, pulling you upstairs. Suddenly, Marshall passes by and starts asking you about going home. You eagerly take advantage of the situation to duck out, despite the girl's insistence that you stay.
Thank god you didn't have any of what she gave you. From now on, you decide to focus on school and life after college; no point in getting distracted by creepy girls.
[[next->Job]]
She picks you up in her shiny red sports car. Is she compensating for something? She is nice enough to compliment you on your choice of clothing and how handsome you are, but is that her just trying to get with you? Either way, you still blush which embarrasses you. Ugh, this is awkward.
You go to a retro diner restaurant on the edge of town. She opens the door for you, that is a nice touch. But what to order?
You should probably order a (link:"salad")[(set: $dinner to "salad")(goto: "Check")], that would be gentlemanly, but that (link:"bacon cheeseburger")[(set: $dinner to "cheeseburger")(goto: "Check")] sure looks good. Will she judge me for what I eat??
Ahh, a photo of your first walk through central park.That great job as a (if: $major is "Art History")[curator at the the museum](if: $major is "Men and Gender Studies")[manager at the call center] moved you to a big new city.
This is fun and exciting, but you're also intimidated. All of your friends stayed close to home, and here you are, out in the big world. Where do adults meet new friends? Probably at that [[cool bar->Bar]] just down the street.
Remember that douchey girl that came up to you at the bar? (if: $drink is "dark beer")[She couldn't stop talking about how you ordered a girls' drink.] (if: $drink is "guy drink")[She couldn't stop talking about how you were such a boy, and that there was no alcohol in your drink.] Thank god you gave her a second chance and went on a [[date->Date]] with her.
Well that $dinner sure was tasty. (if:$dinner is "cheeseburger")[You will have to go to the gym to work off that cheeseburger, but the calories were worth it.](if:$dinner is "salad")[Good job restraining yourself with the healthy choice.]
She orders the check and the server is about to hand it to her. But wait, should you pay for what you ate. She is obviously about to try and pay for all of it. Are you that weak that you can't pay for yourself? Doesn't she know that you are working for (if:$major is "Art History")[a prestigious musuem](if:$major is "Men and Gender Studies")[an important support center]?? She takes it anyway, oh well.
Overall, that was a good date. I hope we go on [[more->Proposal]]. She is pretty cool.
Who would have thought that the $outfit outfit from high school still fit? Wow, there are lots of people here. What do you order at a bar? You can choose the typical fruity (link:"guy drink")[(set: $drink to "guy drink") (goto: "Girl at Bar")], but you really want a (link:"dark beer")[(set: $drink to "dark beer")(goto: "Girl at Bar")].
Here is the photo that you sent dad before your first interview. That day was stressful.
You take a deep breath. Good job, Sam, you scored a great job interview to be a (if: $major is "Art History")[curator at the Fine Art Museum](if: $major is "Men and Gender Studies")[manager at the Rape & Domestic Abuse Support Center]. You're afraid of messing up the interview, and as you go review your resume you start to get nervous. What if you come across as insensitive? What if the interviewer doesn't like how you play with your hair when you're nervous? What if you aren't dressed well enough? In your past interviews, which resulted in rejections, you've struggled to find the balance of looking professional but not stuck up. Why is it so hard for you when its so easy for everyone else? As 10 AM gets closer and closer, your heart rate seems to increase exponentially.[[Deep breath, Sam. You got this.->Getting a Job 2]]
You must have stunned the interviewer. Even before you say anything, you feel that the interviewer likes you. She is very nice and kind of flirty, and she is very interested in hearing about your life. At the end, the conversation divulges away from the job and more towards your mutual interest, hiking. You talk about your experience hiking in Patagonia, in the south of Argentina. That story is so captivating and highlights your tenacity. You wonder why you haven't used it in previous interviews. Regardless, you get the offer!
Unfortunately,(if:$major is "Art History")[the museum](if:$major is "Men and Gender Studies")[the support center] is offering you significantly less than the average female salary. You aren't sure why, but you feel sad that even after a stellar interview and solid track record, you are still earning a sub-standard wage. Get it together, Sam. Are you going to (link:"ask for more money")[(set: $offer to "yes money")(goto: "Getting a Job 3")] or (link:"be happy with your offer")[(set: $offer to "no money")(goto: "Getting a Job 3")].
(if:$offer is "yes money")[The manager said no.]
It's okay. You are unhappy with what you're offered, but you're excited to start working. Because you're starting at a lower level, you need to work harder to get ahead. But that's bearable since your job should provide some opportunity to advance. It's on you to do better, and even though the system is unfair you're confident that you'll be able to do better.
[[Moving Cities]]
Oh we went on more dates...Here are the photos from the trip where you got engaged. Of course you said yes. Your friends were so jealous when she took you to go Paris, which was amazing. It sure took her long enough to get down on one knee and propose. You really didn't want to wait long to get [[married->Marriage]].
Oh the wedding photos! These photos don't do it justice.
Here you were on the biggest day of your life, or so everyone told you, and you could barely breathe. Your outfit was beautiful of course-- but there were not any male designers to make the suit comfortable and fit the actual male body, not just those anorexic models.
Your feet, they're killing you in those shoes. Was this really what you wanted? You should have realized then that your wife was an alcoholic, she was so drunk that day.
Dad was crying so much too, jeez... Lay off, I'll give you some [[grandchildren->Kids]] soon enough.
It all happened so quickly. One minute she was down on her knee and the next you had three little monsters running around the house. It was hard adjusting to being at home all of the time after you quit work at (if:$major is "Art History")[the museum](if:$major is "Men and Gender Studies")[the support center], but the minivan soccer dad life wasn't too bad. Getting to stay home with the kids was great, but didn't you ever feel like you were missing out? Even if you were missing out, nothing could have changed. You had to cook and clean and take care of the children, because your wife worked 60 hour weeks as a stock broker.
(if: $major is "Art History")[[[Next->Divorcea]]]
(if: $major is "Men and Gender Studies")[[[Next->Divorceb]]]
What a great day that was, up until Vanessa took away your Elsa doll. Your sister had dressed you up as Sven, which you didn't mind, but she was always taking your toys and ripping their heads off and telling you what to do. Girls were just so bossy. And remember, you used to think it was going to get better when you [[grew up?->Age 12]]
What a great day that was, up until Vanessa took away your Anger doll. Your sister had dressed you up as Sadness, which you didn't mind, but she was always taking your toys and ripping their heads off and telling you what to do. Girls were just so bossy. And remember, you used to think it was going to get better when you [[grew up?->Age 12]]
What a great day that was, up until Vanessa took away your Baymax doll. Your sister had dressed you up as Hiro, which you didn't mind, but she was always taking your toys and ripping their heads off and telling you what to do. Girls were just so bossy. And remember, you used to think it was going to get better when you [[grew up?->Age 12]]
What a great day that was, up until Vanessa took away your Kevin doll. Your sister had dressed you up as Scarlett Overkill, which you didn't mind, but she was always taking your toys and ripping their heads off and telling you what to do. Girls were just so bossy. And remember, you used to think it was going to get better when you [[grew up?->Age 12]]
It was a good thing you tried drinking for the first time at Terry's before you headed over to that party, otherwise you probably would have gone overboard. His good fashion sense also saved your butt that night.
What was it you wore again?
(link:"deep V and the short shorts")[(set: $outfit to "deep V and the short shorts")(goto: "What a night")]
(link:"ripped jorts and tank")[(set: $outfit to "ripped jorts and tank")(goto: "What a night")]
Mom and Dad let Terry come over for dinner that night so they could keep an eye on us before the party, but that didn't stop us from having fun.
What was that outfit you again?
(link:"deep V and the short shorts")[(set: $outfit to "deep V and the short shorts")(goto: "What a night")]
(link:"ripped jorts and tank")[(set: $outfit to "ripped jorts and tank")(goto: "What a night")]
You had to rush over to the party straight from cheer, so you didn't have any time to change into something nicer than your sweats and a t-shirt. The libero from the volleyball team only made fun of you a little for covering up that boyish figure of yours, but you girled up and tried alcohol for the first time that night anyway!
(set: $outfit to "deep V and the short shorts")
[[Next->Age 19]]
What a night!
[[Next->Age 19]]
The MGS course description seemed pretty interesting, even though it wasn't a computer science major.
"Men's and Gender Studies is dedicated to the academic study of men, gender, and sexuality, viewed in historical and cross-cultural perspective. MGS examines the complex ways in which social, political, and economic structures or institutions, in addition to cultural values and representations, have shaped gendered lives and dynamics of power in various time periods and across various cultures globally. The MGS curriculum, furthermore, places attention on the intersectionality of gender and sexuality with race, ethnicity, class, religion, nationality, ability, age, and other social categories. Our interdisciplinary program provides the opportunity for students to explore gender and sexuality using the analytical tools and methodologies of a variety of disciplines in the humanities, arts, and social sciences, including anthropology, literature, history, media studies, philosophy, sociology, psychology, STS, and political science, among others."
--MIT's MGS program description
[[Next->College Party]]
The Art History program description seemed pretty interesting, even though it wasn't a computer science major.
"The History, Theory and Criticism of Architecture and Art (HTC) program aims to produce leading-edge scholars and intellectuals in the field of art and architectural history. We place a strong emphasis on historiography and analytical methodologies. Course offerings deal with the social and physical context of the built environment, the significant issues in current disciplinary thinking, as well as with the philosophical, political, and material contexts for works of art and architecture. We are proud of our long-standing relationship to and connection with peer institutions all around the world."
--MIT Art History Program Description
[[Next->College Party]]
All alone and back to where you started. You look around and realize another 3 episodes have gone by on the tv while you indulged in your past. What's next?
[[I'm going to keep looking at the album->Age 5]]
[[Better take my sleeping pills now and go to bed->sleep]]
[[Maybe I'll take a few extra pills tonight...->death]]
Goodnight!
"...He was a kind mind, who lived a quiet life. He loved his children dearly and was able to finally follow his passion later in life. Rest in peace."
So much for a community! Most of the people at this home can't walk down the hall without assistance, and the other half don't seem to remember where they are when they get to the end of the hall. It's so much easier to spend your time in your room, watching shows and reading books.
[[Thank god South Park somehow never got cancelled->South Park]]
[[I wish I had someone who still loved me->second chance]]
[[Maybe I'll just sleep the rest of my days away->sleep]]
Alright, looks like you've had enough South Park for one lifetime. Maybe it's time for bed...
[[I'm going to going to keep looking at the album->Age 5]]
[[I guess I'll take my sleeping pills then and go to sleep->sleep]]
[[Maybe I'll take a few extra pills before bed tonigh tonight...->death]]
Maybe if you keep looking through the album you'll find something to cheer you up.
[[keeping looking at album->Age 5]]
You made enough from working at the musuem to support the kids, but as college came and went, they visited less and less, until eventually they only stopped by during the holidays. After the divorce, you never really tried to get back out there, so now this is it. Their not so subtle suggestions to move to a retirement home didn't help make you feel any better either.
(link:"They tried, but they never managed to get me to leave my house")[(set: $house to "yes")(goto: "alone")]
(link: "Eventually I had to give in; I couldn't stand being alone in this house and thought there might be some sort of community in a retirment home")[(set: $house to "noe")(goto: "oldhome")]
You made enough from working at the center to support the kids, but as college came and went, they visited less and less, until eventually they only stopped by during the holidays. After the divorce, you never really tried to get back out there, so now this is it. Their not so subtle suggestions to move to a retirement home didn't help make you feel any better either.
(link:"They tried, but they never managed to get me to leave my house")[(set: $house to "yes")(goto: "alone")]
(link: "Eventually I had to give in; I couldn't stand being alone in this house and thought there might be some sort of community in a retirment home")[(set: $house to "noe")(goto: "oldhome")]
You made enough from working as a web developer to support the kids, but as college came and went, they visited less and less, until eventually they only stopped by during the holidays. After the divorce, you never really tried to get back out there, so now this is it. Their not so subtle suggestions to move to a retirement home didn't help make you feel any better either.
(link:"They tried, but they never managed to get me to leave my house")[(set: $house to "yes")(goto: "alone")]
(link: "Eventually I had to give in; I couldn't stand being alone in this house and thought there might be some sort of community in a retirment home")[(set: $house to "noe")(goto: "oldhome")]
12 short years. Things went so well in the beginning, but you just couldn't make it work with her in the end. Your feelings of missing out, plus her constant drinking and the long hours away from home finally drove you apart. After the divorce, you of course got the kids, but they were still confused as to why Mommy and Daddy weren't going to be living together anymore.
It didn't help that you had to get a job again, because the child support wasn't enough to cover the 4 of you on your own.
[[Thank god the Museum was willing to hire me back on-> post-divorcea]]
[[The part time classes I took online while at home finally allowed me to get an entry level job as a web developer->post-divorce3]]
12 short years. Things went so well in the beginning, but you just couldn't make it work with her in the end. Your feelings of missing out, plus her constant drinking and the long hours away from home finally drove you apart. After the divorce, you of course got the kids, but they were still confused as to why Mommy and Daddy weren't going to be living together anymore.
It didn't help that you had to get a job again, because the child support wasn't enough to cover the 4 of you on your own.
[[Fortunately the support center always needed more members->post-divorce2]]
[[The part time classes I took online while at home finally allowed me to get an entry level job as a web developer->post-divorce3]]