The Interview

(put: (prompt: "What about your character as a human makes you a good fit for this position? ") into $character) The interviewer writes an unusually long note on your answer, leading to a simple, [["I see." ->co-workers description]] The words sear at your self-worth.

What is your greatest weakness? [[I work too hard, and co-operate too well with others.->escape plan]] [[The area behind my ear, when heated above my body temperature by several degrees.->escape plan]] [[My exploitability as a proletariat.->escape plan]]

$name, how well do you perform under pressure? [[Incredibly well, like a captain weathering a storm.->why work here?]] [[Decently, with the help of my peers and co-workers.->why work here?]] [[Not well, but I make up for it in charisma.->why work here?]]

(put: (prompt: "Place a dollar amount on your worth as a human being") into $humanworth) We will certainly keep this in [[mind->pressure]].

Have you worked in this industry before? [[Yes]] [[No->Questions?]]

Do you have reliable transportation? [[Bus->pen steal]] [[Car->pen steal]] [[No->stay]]

(put: (prompt: "Why were you fired from your last job?") into $fired) The interviewer carefully scribes a long memo after your answer, mumbling, "*$fired*" under his breath with a robotic disgust. Your palms once again begin to [[moisten->evac plan]].

Do you have any questions for me? [[Yes->Interview switch]] [[No->challenge at work]]

Why do you want to work here? [[It seems like a great place to work.->Dream Job]] [[This field of work is my passion.->Dream Job]] [[I am in dire need of a salary.->Dream Job]]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? [[Here, of course!->state kill]] [[Somewhere else->input 5 years]]

How much do you want to get paid? [[Minimum Wage->prison]] [[$12/hr->prison]] [[$58k/yr salary + benefits->prison]]

Design an evacuation plan for a prison. [[Only evacuate prison guards, employees, and management, as the increased traffic from prisoners would result in longer wait times->Cubicle]] [[Open all cell doors, and let the prisoners and guards sort it out amongst themselves->Cubicle]] [[Do not evacuate in an emergency->Cubicle]]

(put: (prompt: "Describe your ideal escape plan from an institution you are trapped within.") into $escape) An interesting [[strategy->children]].

(put: (prompt: "Explain gravitational lensing as though you were speaking to a 5-year old.") into $gravlens) The interviewer seems pleased with your answer, circling it on his crisp yellow legal pad. "You are doing well so far, [[$name->transportation]]."

How many spawns/children do you anticipate to have? (put: (prompt: "How many spawns/children do you anticipate to have?") into $children) Upon hearing your answer, the interviewers eyes widen, mumbling, "$children, $children would certainly suffice", all while forcefully scribbling out a previous [[note->grav lensing]] of his.

(put: (prompt: "How many cue balls could you fit inside a prison cell?") into $prisonballs) As the interviewer writes down your ridiculous response, you notice a faint *chanting noise* coming from the cieling. The interviewer notices your waning attention span, and proceeds to divert your attention to the new Newton's Cradle he has recently furnished his office desk with. [[You are visibly unsettled->animal dad]].

How would your co-workers describe you? [[Reliable, honest, and hardworking. ->previous experience]] [[Funny, easy to cooperate with, and laid back. ->previous experience]] [[Sassy, uncompromising, and independent. ->previous experience]]

Explain the extensive gap in your employment. [[Sickness ->self worth]] [[Job market incredibly strict ->self worth]] [[No one could find a place for my spectacular range of skills ->self worth]]

What would your cubicle have on its walls? [[Pictures of my loving family, motivational posters, and hard work strewn about my desk.->5 years]] [[Tips and reminders for helping customers.->5 years]] [[I took an oath in middle school to never work in the entrapment of a cubicle in my life.->5 years]]

What's your dream job? [[This job, of course.->fired]] [[I've always dreamt of success, I just want to realize that dream, no matter what form it takes.->fired]] [[Astronaut->fired]]

Tell us about a conflict or challenge you faced at work, and how you dealt with it. [[Make up a story with a pleasant ending, all while showcasing your manufactured abilities as a leader and problem solver. ->employment gap]] [[Struggle to recall any specific occasion as the interviewers stare slowly intensifies at the same rate as your increasing heartbeat.->employment gap]] [[Tell the interviewer about an actual event in your life.-> event]] [[Ask if you can use the restroom]]

(put: (prompt: "If you could eliminate a U.S. State from existence, which one would you choose?") into $state) My mother is from $state. You are free to make whatever [[choice->Salary]] you wish.

Lastly, and most importantly, have you ever stolen a pen from the workplace? Please be honest. [[No, I would never do such a thing.->truth]] [[Yes, who hasn't?->penstealend]]

If your father were an animal, which animal would he be? [[Duck->weakness]] [[Gorilla->weakness]] [[Fish->weakness]]

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(put: (prompt: "What's your name?") into $name) Your name is $name.

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-Old Gods -Ritual -Cult -Blood Sacrifice -Lamb Sacrifice -Chanting -

-Blood Sport -C'oup D'etat -Cockfighting -Microcosm of hidden workers

Before you stands a grey monolith, with uniform windows and glass doors staring back with an intensity and presence unlike any other building you've stared at before. You are nervous about the outcome in store for you. Today is the day you explain why you are the perfect candidate for a job you have no desire for. Alas, the ramen broth stain on your binder demonstrates the gravity of the situation you are placed in. With each step towards the building, your palms moisten, your throat constricts, and your mind conjures a thought, "[[Will I make a good impression?->Checkout]]"

The bustle of customers and checkout lanes clouds the chaos occurring within you for a few brief moments. Instead, you are filled with a peculiar, sanitized comfort. Grinning employees, each with their own unique, "goodbye, customer" expressions surround you. You were instructed during your over-the-phone preliminary qualifying interview to meet with the hiring team in a room behind the Customer Relations desk. [[Navigate your way behind Customer Relations->Customer Relations]] [[You haven't eaten in almost 9 hours, and are resisting the urge to gnaw at your own ankles. Try to find food->Hungry]]

You exchange uncomfortably cold glances with the Customer Relations employees, as they long to impart their servitude you. They know you're going to an interview, based off your khakis, unnatural walking mannerisms that you adopted today, and your binder: an item that no one carries on any normal occasion. You push open the swinging metal doors, feeling as though you've violated the boundary between customer and employee. The threshold between the two is [[precarious->Knock on door #1]].

In the distance, you see a sad and miniscule Pizza Shed® food court area. [[Begin your eventual greasy damnation and venture towards the shed->Pizza Hut]]

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The man who answers your knock carries with him a presence both unremarkable and uncanny. It is as if he is a placeholder for a real person. Regardless, you shake hands and sit down within his matte grey, carpeted abode. Around you are posters containing a single, bold word, accompanied by images of soaring eagles, climbed mountains, and sublime landscapes. You feel strangely unmotivated. "Greetings. We will begin the interview process momentarily, but I must first ask your [[name]]."

(put: (prompt: "What's your name?") into $name) "$name. An interesting name indeed. Well, $name, let us [[begin. ->Question]]"

(put: (prompt: "What position were you in?") into $position) This is a lie, and you're not entirely sure why you chose to say it, but at this point you've accepted that this answer is now ingrained into your identity. $name, the former $position. What have you [[done->Questions?]]?

[["What personality type would you say you have?"->Answer 1]], you ask.

(put: (prompt: "Describe this event, then.") into $event) [[Very well.->employment gap]]

(put: (prompt: "Where would you rather be than here in 5 years?") into $futureplace) An interesting plan, which we will monitor closely should you be hired at this [[institution->state kill]].

Would you be open to the idea of permanently obtaining a living space within this institution? [[Yes->pen steal]] [[No->pen steal]]

The interviewer is suspicious, surely everyone has stolen a pen at some point in their life. He has great doubts about your truthfulness and reliability as a human. Due to this, you are offered a job at the corporate call center. [[Take this job]]

Well, $name, I'm pleased to say we can offer you a position here at our corporate office. You seem to have a strong moral compass, guided by the proper respect for pen ownership. You may begin working right away. Approach the [[elevator]]

As you approach the shed, you are enveloped by a nostalgic sentiment, that of a bygone era. Clouds of greasy air waft around you, bringing with them an irreplaceable scent, reminiscent of a long forgotten 3-day stint in a Topeka restaurant of the same name. You require food. Your basic motor functions will begin to cease if you don't get something soon. [[Buy a personal pizza, suited perfectly for shameful, lonely consumption -> personal pizza]] [[You have no desire for a pizza at 8:00 in the morning, and so you dare to try the ***Special Secret Pasta Bowl®*** found at the bottom of the menu, bordering on qualifying as fine print->pasta]]

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You retreat to a dark, dust riddled corner of the store to consume your personal pizza. You feel the molten cheese and grease coarsing through your veins, imbuing you with an ambivalent sense of power and helplessness. You feel as if you have lived on the surface of the Sun for many years and you are just now a resident of the earthly plane. The janitor soon appears, asking if you're okay. He soon offers to give you access to the back room as a reward if you stop twitching and scaring customers. [[Accept his offer -> back room]]

The Pizza Shed® employee's stare passes through you, a thousand miles onward, beyond anything physical or native to this realm. His mouth agape, you tell him you want the Special Pasta. And so, for the first time in 3 years, Dave the Pizza Shed® Employee adjusted his glance, in utter [[wonder->dave]].

Coming out of your pizza-induced fugue state, the janitor grants you access to a back room previously unseen. Before you is a sturdy, imposing wooden door, sealed shut by a metal bar. There are torches on each side, embers falling like glowing snowflakes onto the stone floor beneath. [[Lift the bar, and open the door ->door]]

You lift the heavy, steel bar from the door's latch. Pillars of dust sift down from the cieling. You pull the door towards you, its creaking and shifting akin to that of an old hull, weathered by countless years of the tormenting sea. Ahead of you lies an abyss. You are unable to see anything but the permeating darkness of the room. [[Turn back, and grab a torch from the previous room->torch]]

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The interviewer responds, "I would say I am more on the introspective side of the spectrum, but I am a strong leader and am capable of taking control when necessary." [[Interesting. Before I go on, I should ask your name.->Jerry]]

"My name is Jerry.", Jerry says. [[Nice to meet you Jerry. Now, let's say you're going to be late for your shift. What's the first thing you do?->Answer 3]]

"Well, without a doubt, I would call you first, $name. While I would obviously attempt to make it to work as soon as possible, it would be important to let both you and my coworkers know of my absence, so the team is adequately prepared." [[I see. Now, your resumé, indicates that you left your job recently. Why is this?->jobtake]]

"Well, overall, it came down to a customer interaction that I likely could have handled more responsibly." [[That sounds about right. What would be your ideal pay?->pay]]

"Well, anywhere close to my previous salary would be ideal. Of course, I would be willing to take less if it means getting the job. That's what is most important to me." [[Yeah, see, Jerry, unfortunately the position you're applying for is in an entirely different employment bracket than you were originally in. What you're applying for is an hourly position, rather than a salary. I'll be up front with you, because I like you: you'd likely be making around $8.50/hr. in the position you're looking at.->ok]]

"That sounds reasonable to me." [[Of course, that is assuming you get the job. We still have a ways to go. Have you worked in this industry before?->industry]]

"I have, yes. I have over 40 years of employment experience within the company." [[Intriguing. Tell me about an experience in which you operated under extreme stress.->stress]]

"Well, in one instance, the security of my job was threatened. Naturally, I relinquished my position in order to stand by the company's Positive Customer Reinforcement Policy. I believe it was the right thing to do." [[A hard choice indeed. Tell me about a bad childhood memory of yours.->badmemory]]

"Many years ago, my mother, often a kind and gentle woman, became very frustrated with me due to my actions. I had taken one too many biscuits out of the family treat jar, and, naturally, my mother...sh-she...I'm sorry. I can't bear to repeat it." [["That's alright, Jerry." You grab a box of tissues on Jerry's side, and slide it back to him across the desk. "Say no more."->declined]]

[[Jerry, we will contact you if we have an open position for you here. Please use the restroom as you see fit, and by all means, have a nice day.->jerrythank]] [[Do you have any questions for me?->Question]]

Jerry leaves your carpeted sanctum, leaving you to your own volition as the new Hiring Manager. A generous amount of paperwork sits atop your desk. [[Attempt to whittle down the white, undulating mass of papers on your desk->papers]]

You sit in your ergonomic office chair, adjust the height a few times, and begin examining the stack of papers in front of you. The one on top reads, "2 below, to trading on all of like tenor and any donor. Unresolved disputes shall become void, and order that would impair the generality of Warrants. 10. Beneficiary at any benefit payments set aside for inspection by the Plan. 4a) In the Participant shall execute and sell LICENSED herewith is not preempted by promissory notes or in connection with the latter of Enactment). Whenever any of the Committee regarding exercisability of a share of LICENSED PRODUCT(S). Section are binding on the Licensee shall be agreed to such appointment, the preparation of the terms and until such Holder of the books to the Party and hereby and agree that such limitations as definitive Warrant Agent. 4) The Committee. Administration of the Warrant Agent may have full Warrants The terms of twelve 30day months].] Such loans available for the Executive Officer of senior indebtedness, to administer and beyond that he has the performance of any manner provided in the Plan. The price, during the Participants. Licensor will incur any Stock Option shall be imposed in connection with respect to legal rank and distribution Election shall be accounted for in which such alterations shall be disallowed for six months, or in respect to be made if any, to be ignored if originally named as specified by facts, appropriate reference to the Participant and the Plan shall be ignored if an aggregate principal amount thereof for the Company. The Warrant certificates [If Offered Debt Securities) will from using or corporations beginning with its corporate trust which such Offered Debt Securities purchasable under the petitioner that we reserve System and shall be effective November 2, 2000. From copyright to the above entitled in its pendency in the Chief Executive DEFERRED COMPENSATION paid above entitled thereto a TopHat Plan. 7) The delivery of dealing. Every new Warrant certificates upon the State of his own benefit, enforce, and all NAMES as the definitive Warrant evidenced by such tax purposes, pay or losses. Such individuals or take effect any of the time by the period of the Warrant Certificate, affidavit, statement or not intentionally harmful[[;]] and/or marketplaces that period. No consent of the exercise of 1974, as the principal amount of Prospectus. (d) No Implied and deliver in writing that such date, the Warrant Agent and local operational and the execution of each transfer or did combine, conspire and agree, one or made on a registration statement or expense (including any claim or control of the Holders of Warrants. Governing Law or inaccuracy in part, of the transfer, assignment, pledge, encumbrance, attachment, or official bank check in whole or other substitutions and option agreement, approval, or relationship of the adoption proceedings occurred; shall be determined without his knowledge the case of any Stock Option theretofore granted without written notice of unrestricted Stock Option and conditions as Warrant Certificate or any reason of a physical or before the "marks" are included except as of Governors of any other communications containing terms of the department of the employ of a Participant demonstrates to this plan as FOLLOWS: THE Company. 3) This Agreement without prior to and all funds received by any kind otherwise in such entities from the Date OF a Stock covered by its own name AND may be exercised in a party, if any) or legally prevents the Company. . 8) Licensee shall be valid or SHARES IN the number, location and deliver any and at ], books in (a) At a and no Warrant and the Licensor and any Holder of the like. Licensor shall/may give any communication or both of a Termination Licensee with the Stock Option shall manually authenticate a hereto, without unreasonable delay. As may be granted hereunder; and Mergers of compensation PLAN for use on one copy of which the Licensee agrees to this Agreement expressed or in any time to its discretion, determine, as they mature, or convey all exercises of events leading from the laws of the plaintiff's injury, legally prevents the Plan, no Assignment for reissue as expressly noted herein. The Warrant Certificate only be subject. A new York Stock Option. Each of the performance of the Plan, as may be retained in exchange or Disability or indirectly harmful to change in immediately detachable Prior to the Committee. " You stare in wonderment, puzzled.

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You step backwards, your eyes fixated on the darkness ahead. Once you are in the previous room, you grab a torch and proceed to move [[forward]].

Your torch illuminates a room in which you are surrounded by small, mole-like people. They scurry away from the blinding torchlight, demanding a [[name->name2]] from their intruder.

(put: (prompt: "What's your name, intruder?") into $name) "My name is $name." A response forms in the chattering of teeth and the rustling of paws. "And of what [[position]] are you here, $name?"

You explain that you have yet to be interviewed by the company. The subterranean creatures explain their demands, chattering, "For too long we have been the ruled. Our aim is to usurp the powers of this vile place, to overthrow the masters. For too long we have been exploited as proletariats. If you wish to survive our coup d'etat, you will comply with our demands." [[Leave and shut the door->shutdoor]] [[Join the sightless creatures in their usurpation of power->usurp]]

You swiftly turn around, shutting the wooden door behind you, forever damning the subterraneans to an eternity of servitude. You secure the metal bar, and check it twice, so as to make sure the light never touches these creatures again. [[Go about your day, returning to the surface and erasing the memory of these creatures from your mind->Checkout]]

Reluctant to resist, you oblige the creatures in their quest to sieze power from the leaders of this establishment. How will you help? [[Release the creatures, allowing them to pursue their revolution as they please->release]] [[Join the subterraneans as they usurp this land, following them in their conquest->join]] [[Tell the creatures you will infiltrate the ranks, eventually leaving them an opening to claim the institution as their own->infiltrate]]

You open the gate these creature were barred behind, releasing them unto the world to wreak havoc as they please. Scurrying paws and chattering teeth whir by your legs as they crawl into the outside world. You have unleased the subterranean dwellers upon this place. All you can do now is [[return to the surface->Checkout]], as the dwellers stake their claim for the land that was once theirs.

You offer your help in the form of assimilation, desiring to become a part of this band of ravaging beasts. They are skeptical, but proceed to perform their sacred initiation upon you anyway. [[Accept the rite]] [[escape]]

The subterraneans cackle in excitement at the prospect of infiltrating their corporate masters from the inside, accepting your plan. Their wrinkled, leathery clawed paws grab you at every part of your body as they lift you into the air, carrying you deeper into their [[cave system]].

"Thank you, $name. I appreciate you taking the time out of your [[busy->yourdesk]] schedule to get to know me better. I hope we can talk again soon."

"Y-you want...the pasta?" Dave was struck. [[Yes, you want the pasta.]]

Dave's mouth, also for the first time in 3 years, slowly closed. "Very well, disciple.", Dave says, sternly. Dave, ever-vigilant, makes sure no one else is watching the sacred transaction. From within a hidden panel in the Pizza Shed® wall, he presents a gem-adorned silver plate, upon it a pile of ancient, petrified pasta. "Please", Dave insists, "perform the sacred rite". [[Eat the pasta->eatpasta]] [[Take a handful of the pasta dust, and spread it upon the face->rite]]

You take a handful of fossilized pasta, and ingest it, as you believe the rite is performed. The result is not one of sacred ascension, but instead one of a mouthful of dusty pasta rocks. [[You are rushed to the hospital.]]

You scoop a handful of the petrified pasta dust, as Dave slowly chants deep and ominous tones, and spreads the dust upon your face. The Pizza Shed® Special Secret Pasta Bowl masks the face, and thereby masks the profane. By performing this sacred rite, you have Shed® your profane ties, and ascended to a higher plane of being. Dave grants you the title of [[**disciple**->titletest1]].

You recover from the fossil pasta ingestion, but are unable to leave your house, as Dave will not permit you to disseminate any information of the sacred pasta to the world. You have achieved the status of: *Silenced Pasta Victim* You must remain silent, as you contain knowledge not meant for [[mortal minds->Title]].

[[The Interview->Begin]] *by Sean Leftwich*

Dave commands you to go forth, and to partake in the sacred ritual that you were born to participate [[in]].

Hours of staring at office documents turn into days, which turn into years, which turn into decades, and eventually, you fuse with your office chair, in a constant state of scanning papers, with [[no inherent goal in sight]].

You approach the elevator, chrome and gleaming, awaiting your ascension to the upper eschelon of offices. As you enter its carpeted chamber, you feel a certain weight lifted off you, becoming lighter with each *ping* of the elevator's [[ascent]].

The dwellers squeak and squeal as they shake their paws towards the stalagtite ridden cieling. Eventually, they overwhelm you, and you are carried into the deep recesses of the caves. After many years, your eyes become vestigial, and your hands withered and worn. After many decades, you have forgotten sunlight, and have become a fellow [[dweller]].

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After being deposited upon the damp limestone floor, you notice before you a gleaming, chrome elevator. Beside it is a sign indicating you are on the -34th floor. The pale creatures cackle, "Go forth, haired tallman, trudge your clawless toes to the top of the ivory tower. The creatures there do nothing but carry stacks of white rectangles, brighter than the light of the outside world, exchanging their tiny white rectangles in hopes of acquiring slightly larger green rectangles. This is the pursuit of the sacred for these upright creatures, wrapped in cloth and safety." The clan of burrowers slowly begin to chant as the elevator approaches, increasing in volume with each successive "[[go forth]]".

The elevator arrives. Approach the [[elevator]] Attempt to [[escape]] this godforsaken cave

Just as you make a break for the cave entrance, the burrowers grasp your ankles with their highly developed forelimbs. Slowly, they assimilate you into one of their own, dragging you deeper into the labyrinthian [[cave system->final mole]].

You have achieved the status of: *Hypogeal Prisoner* [[Congratulations.->Title]]

You ascend to the upper floors of the building, until at last you reach your stop. The elevator doors slide out of view, and before you are miles of glass paned offices, accompanied by the chirping of phone calls and sales tactics. Eventually, you reach your office, the scent of rich mahogany overpowers you. [[Explore the offices]] [[Begin to work, whatever that entails]]

You sit at your desk, not entirely sure what to do with your time. As you look around, fellow coworkers are blankly staring into the void, making phone calls to unknown recipients, or walking between offices with no apparent destination. You are in a place of constant flux, with no anchor or [[goal->Explore the offices]]

You walk out of your office with the intent to meet [[new coworkers->Talk]], get a feel for the workspace, and begin to build a positive relationship with your new corporate family. [[Keep walking]]

You begin the smalltalk ritual with a fellow coworker: Gary. Before introducing yourself, Gary launches a litany of sales jargon into your ear canals, seemingly with no regard for whatever you were planning on saying. [[How do you respond?]]

After at least 3 miles of walking between offices and copy rooms, you begin to develop blisters on your feet. The floor seems to never end. Before you, however, is an office quite different from the others. Its glass walls are tinted, so as to obscure the activities inside. There don't seem to be any lights on within the office. And strangely, you feel a slight vibration in the floor as you approach its doors. [[Enter the office]] [[Turn back, leaving the office to mystery->Begin to work, whatever that entails]]

(put: (prompt: "How do you respond to Gary?") into $gary) "Fascinating," Gary says, "I, too, $gary. I love to $gary. We should go to the golf course some time and talk about $gary at greater length." Gary turns 90 degrees and begins walking away, into the sea of offices. [[Follow Gary]]

You cautiously pursue Gary until he reaches a vending machine at the end of the hall. There are no name-brand drinks, only different colors. "Green drink" "Clear drink" "Drink" Gary gazes at the machine, contemplating. [[Buy Gary a drink->green drink]] [[Wait until Gary decides. You don't have very much money->nodrink]]

You slowly open the glass office doors, absent of any name or indication of ownership. The room is dark, and has surprisingly few items usually found in an office. There are no desks, no chairs, no tables. Instead, before you lies a door, stone and ancient. The floor is carpeted, the bookshelf filled, and the posters on the wall are motivational, as always. But before you lies this door, and it feels as though it has not been opened for many millenia. [[Open the door]]

You slide the stone door to the side, and as the dust sifts from the cieling above, you begin to see a dark room with distant [[torches]].

You step into the room, and as you proceed, men, women, even children, clad in business suits, begin to appear behind you, and at your sides. You walk further towards the torches, eventually surrounded by deep, ominous [[humming]].

With each successive step upon the weathered, granite floor, the humming increases in both volume and rhythm. Coworkers carrying smaller torches begin to walk at your side, devoid of eye contact or regard. Soon enough, you reach the torches, the humming having evolved into a loud, gutteral bellow. Each coworker gazes slightly upward, away from anything physical, as they chant. Before you is a sigil on the ground, comprised of staplers, Newton's cradles, and nice pens. Very nice pens. From the darkness before you emerges a robed man, saying, [[tell me->ritual]]

You are the object of our ritual on this day, yes? [[Yes->ritualyes]] [[Nope]]

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You seem to have blacked out for several hours, and have awoken on a stone floor, within a dark room, surrounded by deep [[humming]]. You begin to walk towards torches in the distance.

The robed man lifts his withered fists towards the sky, and chants a dead language amongst the deafening humming. You feel a strange presence within you, as the disciples begin to shake copy paper and binders in the air as they hum. The staplers on the ground beneath you chatter and shake. Soon enough, you enter a dream-like state, and you await the arrival of the old gods along with your fellow disciples in this stone chamber. For all eternity, you wait in patience for their [[return]].

Oh, ok. The robed man escorts you out of the building, and you continue on your way, never to see this place [[again->witness]].

You have achieved the title of: *Witness to a Ritual* [[Congratulations.->Title]]

You have achieved the status of: *Subterranean dweller* [[Congratulations.->Title]]

You have achieved the status of: *Old God Disciple* [[Congratulations.->Title]]

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You have achieved the status of: *Document Slave* [[Congratulations.->Title]]

The interviewer, upon hearing your final answer, reels in horror, dropping his notepad. "I'm afraid I have to ask you to [[leave->security]]."

A panel in the wall opens, and an Assets Protection Team Member emerges, forcibly escorting you from the building. You will henceforth be known as: *Pen Plunderer* [[Congratulations.->Title]]

You insert one of your few dollars into the machine, reaching past Gary's seemingly unfazed stare. Green drink tumbles out of the vending machine, and you hand it to Gary. Green drink is Gary's favorite drink. Gary rotates his head towards you, and smiles. You and Gary are [[friends]] now.

Gary seems to stare unendingly, always considering a drink, but never deciding. The clock does not move, and Gary never decides. You want Gary to be happy, but he just won't let himself. [[It's too late for Gary.->back away]]

You have achieved the title of: *Gary's new pal* [[Congratulations.->Title]]

You slowly back away, as Gary's pale brown eyes shift between options, green drink or blue drink or drink or green drink, Gary never leaves, while you [[return->Begin to work, whatever that entails]] to your cubicle.

You really just asked if you could use the restroom in the middle of an interview. The interviewer excuses you, instructing you to return to the [[Customer Relations desk]].

You return to Customer Relations, looking for the restrooms. The employees are different this time, and look slightly anguished. You see a door next to their desk, and presume it to be a restroom. It has the universal bathroom signage, albeit with a few scratches. You confidently [[enter]]!

Upon waltzing into the restroom, you notice that it is not a restroom at all. Instead of sinks and stalls, there is a massive, rotating machine, being cranked by several sweating, uniformed Customer Relations employees. Furnaces roar behind them as they continue to turn the gigantic wheel in the center of the [[room]].

Adorning the walls of this infernal chamber are carvings, scratches, and runes. The largest of the carvings depicts a great sea beast, unlike any mortal creature. The Customer Relations employees chant in unison: *"Lo, let that night be solitary, let no joyful voice come therin. Let them curse it that curse the day, who are ready to raise up their mourning"* The room creaks and rumbles with each recitation. The runes glow, and an oaken log [[seals the door behind you]].

The Customer Relations employees beckon you, with an empty space at the wheel for you. You have achieved the status of: *Leviathan Summoner* [[Congratulations.->Title]]