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You are sitting in [[a room]], or possibly somewhere [[outside]]. Or maybe you are standing or reclining in one of many possible locales. Point is, you are in a location, utilizing some sort of computing device to access the [[internet]].
You are somewhat [[confused|Confused]]. You thought you were accessing the artistic [[portfolio]] of one [[Bobby Lang]]. Instead, this appears to be some sort of unnecessarily didactic old-school choose-your-own-adventure game, what like those [[books with the crazy covers]].
What would you like to do?
[[Ask for instructions]]
[[Begin the adventure]]
[[Wonder if things could please be hurried up and maybe some sort of point could be arrived at?|tldr]]The room is tastefully decorated. Or maybe it's garish. Or possibly minimalist, but not in a tasteful way, but in like a [[pretentious way]]. Maybe the walls are covered in soil and reptilian viscera. Hey, I'm not judging.
So, here's where there'd be some joke along the lines of "you know, that place you go when you're not on the internet". (Un?)fortunately, it's not 2005 anymore, and everyone is on the internet all the time, even/especially when outside. So... clicking this link was all a big waste of your time.
Sorry.So, what joke do you want? Series of tubes? Something about all the porn? Something making fun of marginalized groups who use the internet to connect and find fellow travelers on this jouney called life? Memes? You want memes, don't you? What is it with you people and memes?? You know what? No. No! Right now, right here, I am making a bold stand against memes. You get no memes.
No, this isn't leading to some half-baked semi-ironic joke where you get memes! No memes! No memes for ANYONE. Look, just go back to the [[beginning|Beginning]] already, okay?A [[status condition]] where you are less likely to hit, spells are more likely to fizzle out, and you sometimes end up going in the wrong direction.A portfolio is a <span id="pf"><<click "type of briefcase.">></span>
<<replace "#pf">>collection of work by an artist, normally designed to showcase their strengths, uniqueness, and best work. It is almost never a pseudo-RPG complete with [[status conditions|status condition]], [[quests|quest]], and monsters to fight. This is because I am not very good at doing things normally.
<<back>>
<</replace>><</click>>
<img src="http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/bobbylanggradients.jpg">
Bobby Lang is a <span id="25"><<click "25-year old">></span><<replace "#25">>25-year old (in human years) Multimedia professional. Born and raised in Portland, Oregon <<cyclinglink "(aka The Rose City)" "(aka Stumptown)" "(aka PDX)" "(aka Bridgetown)" "(aka The Whitest City In America)" "(aka Where The Weed Runs Free And The Naked Run Freer)" "(aka P-Money)" "(aka Rest In Peace City)" "(aka Copyright IFC)" "(aka Seattle? Never Heard Of It!)" "(aka Like Camas, But Bigger, Less Stinky, And Not As Close To Washougal)" "(aka Officially Cooler Than Vancouver Again)" "(aka Anyone Know What Sam Adams Is Up To? Anyone?)" "(aka We Totally Didn't Steal Our Slogan From Austin)" "(aka Hey, At Least We're Not Medford)">>, he is well versed in [[video production|video]], [[Photoshop|shoops]], various forms of [[writing]] (especially [[critical writing|critical2]], and dabbles in [[visual art|visual]] and [[interactive storytelling|games]].<<endreplace>><</click>> Multimedia professional. Born and raised in Portland, Oregon <<cyclinglink "(aka The Rose City)" "(aka Stumptown)" "(aka PDX)" "(aka Bridgetown)" "(aka The Whitest City In America)" "(aka Where The Weed Runs Free And The Naked Run Freer)" "(aka P-Money)" "(aka Rest In Peace City)" "(aka Copyright IFC)" "(aka Seattle? Never Heard Of It!)" "(aka Like Camas, But Bigger, Less Stinky, And Not As Close To Washougal)" "(aka Officially Cooler Than Vancouver Again)" "(aka Anyone Know What Sam Adams Is Up To? Anyone?)" "(aka We Totally Didn't Steal Our Slogan From Austin)" "(aka Hey, At Least We're Not Medford)">>, he is well versed in [[video production|video]], [[Photoshop|shoops]], various forms of [[writing]] (especially [[critical writing|critical2]], and dabbles in [[visual art|visual]] and [[interactive storytelling|games]].The sad thing about those books is that the covers were always the best part. Yeah, nothing else to say here, I just wanted to point that out and it didn't really flow in the sentence originally - hooray for [[dynamic fiction|dynfic]]!Ho there, brave traveler! You are about to undergo a perilous journey into the very soul of famed villain and pixel philanderer, Bobby Lang. Your [[quest]] is to gaze upon many samples of his work, and decide that you must definitely hire him/give him a place to live/become his friend. What will your first step be?
[[Learn more about this infamous rogue|Bobby Lang]]
[[Learn about his writing|writing]]
[[Learn about his visual arts work|visual]]
[[Learn about his video production work|video]]
[[Learn about his work in game creation and other interactive mediums|games]]
[[Screw that noise, I wanna kill some monsters and get mad loots!|killmonsters]]
[[Woops, I've decided this is way too much trouble, I'd just like to see the best of the best in a concise and orderly fashion|tldr]]Okay, I get it, you're a busy person, and you just wanted to evaluate [[my|Bobby Lang]] portfolio, not deal with nonsense like [[stat conditions|status condition]] and [[quests|quest]]. Here's a smattering of my best work from across my various artistic pursuits:
Video Production:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/PSCv5E-iE6g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/65466604" width="500" height="333" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/65465588" width="500" height="334" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>
[[My brief flirtation with flash animation|http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Mooooovs/BobbyLang_SquidFinal.swf]]
Writing:
[[A review of masturbation|http://review-a-day.tumblr.com/post/106780676522/review-1-masturbation]]
[[A review of Knytt Underground|http://review-a-day.tumblr.com/post/108942495397/review-6-knytt-underground]]
When revelations about rampant sexual and emotional abuse in the wizard rock fandom came to light, [[I wrote this|https://wrocksnob.wordpress.com/2014/03/26/why-we-fight/]] and [[made this.|http://8tracks.com/wrocksnob/why-we-fight]]
[[A short story about the end of the world|https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OknstGuyJPdwO4AOrDptjS9YhQGR2iJio88lYO4gHSs/edit?usp=sharing]]
[[Pro Tips Every Urine Salesman Should Know|https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vsCg5cZt6gKbQa1-pwzwHOMq8VAuTzXjSOUpTZiMfl8/edit?usp=sharing]]
//Rap Duodecim Angelus//
<audio controls>
<source src="http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Moozak/Rap%20Duodecim%20Angelus.mp3" type="audio/mpeg">
Your browser does not support the audio element.
</audio>
[[A song I wrote in the Psych Ward after my first major suicide attempt]]
[[A rap about losing your best friend, and also shoes]]
Visual Art:
__''<center>Cosplay</center>''__
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/femsolbobby.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/choirpunktrain.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/davepetasquid.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/bathtubbobby.JPG>
__''<center>Photography</center>''__
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/sam2.JPG>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/whatserface.JPG>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/sam1.JPG>
__''<center>Digital Image Manipulation</center>''__
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/ManaEatNoText.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/kevindatingsimBack.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/quickaradialarger.png>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/tumblr_nsv6tvRcF91rfkwpeo1_1280.gif>
Game Creation and other Interactive Art:
My most significant example of game creation is my work as Lead Writer on the Second Edition of the Homestuck RPG. This 170+ page tabletop roleplaying manual was a massive undertaking, comprising dozens of day's worth of man hours. I had at least a part in pretty much every page in there, including some design decisions, but I'm most proud of all the funny names for attacks and powers I came up with.
[[You can read and download the Homestuck RPG here.|https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxzUvWDPJ-RSRjRrSUUwUEhwMHM/view]]
My other major game contribution is my work as editor of the game //12 Hours//, a self-described "empathy generator" that explores the hardships of homelessness and tasks you with surviving a single night in Downtown Portland. //12 Hours// will soon be [[available to play on Steam|https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=526702326]], but you can [[check it out now here.|http://kivabay.itch.io/12hrs]]
[[But everything above is just a curated list - please feel free to explore this portfolio more in-depth by going back to the beginning|Beginning]]Like, so minimalist that the toilet, sink, and bath are all the same device, there's no fridge because the entire place is kept at 40 degrees 24/7, and the places where the thin carpet piles up on itself a bit are the closest you have to any counterspace. Basically, an empty cold room with a bowl filled with pee, soap, and dead skin cells in the middle.Status Conditions are special states where you are <<cyclinglink "affected" "effected" "affected?" "effected?" "(I never really could remember the difference between those two)">> by unusual circumstances. They are:
[[Asleep]]
[[Bodily Dysphoric]]
[[Burned]]
[[Confused]]
[[Distracted by Netflix]]
[[Frozen]]
[[Horny]]
[[Inebriated]]
[[Naked]]
[[Paralyzed]]
[[Poisoned]]
[[Pregnant]]
[[Sad About Fictional Characters]]
[[Social Conservative]]
[[Unable To Stop Thinking About Geodesic Domes]]
[[Waterlogged]]
If you got lost in all this silly extraneous nonsense, feel free to go back to the [[Beginning]].A [[status condition]] where you can make no actions until you wake up. You also have a chance of emitting periodic loud snores, which may bring unwanted attention...A [[status condition]] where you do not feel comfortable in your own body. It ranges in severity but can be extremely debilitating, distracting you and making it difficult to complete planned actions. To cure this status condition, you must complete the [[quest]] "Destroy the Gender Binary".A [[status condition]] where there has been fire on you, and you did not like it. Your mobility, attacks, and defenses all suffer as a result. However, this pain gives you an advantage with certain types of magic.A [[status condition]] where you are too distracted by //<<cyclinglink "Master of None" "Daredevil" "VeggieTales in the House" "Orange is the New Black" "Grace and Frankie" "House of Cards" "Dinotrux" "Jessica Jones" "Sense8" "BoJack Horseman" "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" "Marco Polo" "Nah just kidding about that last one">>//. You won't be able to make any actions until you finish the season, or you fall [[asleep|Asleep]]A [[status condition]] where you're unable to use any weapons or items, because everytime you try, you just... //let it go//.
I'm sorry.A [[status condition]] where you kinda crave some stimulation in the genitalia area. Some of your social interactions will go much better, but some of them will go very, very poorly.A [[status condition]] where due to ingesting some particular substances, you are in an altered state of mind. Your defense is poorer, your attacks are stronger but more likely to miss, and your magic is more likely to work, more likely to critical, and more likely to rebound on you.A [[status condition]] where you are unable to move. Yeah, don't really got anything else for this one. Besides, this isn't actually a game, it's just what is quite possibly the world's worst [[portfolio]], remember?A [[status condition]] where you take damage each turn. Your attack and defense take a minor hit as well, but you gain a bonus to all disease magic and physical-based projectile attacks.A [[status condition]] where there is a //living thing// growing //inside// of you. You gain a weakness to Overplayed and Unrealistic Tropes Written By Male Writers.A [[status condition]] where you're sad because of fictional characters. Man, fictional characters. :(A [[status condition]] where... okay, so this was gonna be a bit that was really mean to social conservatives since I disagree with them on pretty much everything, but since this is ostensibly a professional [[portfolio]], I kinda chickened out. Sorry.A [[status condition]] where you are unable to stop thinking about geodesic domes. Those subtle yet bold lines. The nakedly erotic angular curves. The perfect marriage of the natural and the mechanical. You've tried to run from it your entire life, but you're finally able to admit it: You have a deep and abiding emotional lust for geodesic domes. All of your stats are permanently randomized, you are permanently [[horny|Horny]], and you become a Level 10 Arithmancer.A [[status condition]] where all of your clothes and items are just chock-full-o water. Your items all have a chance of failing, and your speed is permanently reduced until you are [[naked|Naked]] or [[burned|Burned]].I was going to make a whole list of humorous quests, and info pages for each of them, but honestly, I need to finish this portfolio. Maybe some day later I'll add to it? But this is all extraneous nonsense because I make good decisions, so why don't we just [[cut to the chase|tldr]]? Alternatively, we can just [[start over from the beginning.|Beginning]]A [[status condition]] where you are totes naked and your stuff is all hanging out and everything. Everyone starts laughing at you. You look down. You start laughing too. Hee-hee the human body is funny. Look at all the flappy bits! Lol.Dynamic Fiction is a literary medium in which the reader is able to interact with the text. This can involve simply clicking certain words for extra information or related content, [[like this|jdghdsjghs]], choosing between multiple choices that can affect the flow of the story:
[[Like]]
[[This]]
or in other ways, including using pictures, video, sound, and other forms of multimedia. While the portfolio you are reading is not fiction, it is in form an example of the medium. Why not check out some of my other flirtations with [[interactive art|games]]?Instructions<span id="inst1">? <<click "Sure.">></span>
<<replace "#inst1">>:
You are about to embark upon an epic quest through the various artistic endeavors of one [[Bobby Lang]]! If by embark you mean "prepare to click on words a bunch" and by epic quest you mean "tedious journey involving mainly clicking on words a bunch".
To progress through the [[portfolio]], you must click the blue words so you may witness more words. And sometimes pictures too! There are some dead-ends, in which case simply tapping the back button on your browser should do the trick.
So, are you ready to [[begin the adventure|Begin the adventure]]? <</replace>><</click>>
I'd like to say that writing has always been important to me - it's what you're supposed to say, right? Unfortunately, that's not exactly true. While my parents tried to instill a love of writing in me, a lack of fine motor skills combined with a school district obsessed with proper handwriting and handwritten assignments quenched that flame, until high school. I found a new love of writing and sometimes performing those words, and even planned to major in Creative Writing. While the various turns that life has taken me on have brought me to a place where it seems unlikely that I will make a living through words alone, I continue to engage in various personal writing projects.
[[Travel west, to the Valley of Critical Writing|critical]]
[[Sail north, across the Sea of Fiction Writing|fiction]]
[[Arrange passage east on the back of a lumber train, towards Song Writing City|songs]]
[[Dig straight down until you reach the hidden Underground Kindom of Editing|editing]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]Drawing has never been a strong suit of mine, so I largely wrote of visual art due to misconceptions that it was painting, drawing, and that's about it. However, in the pursuit of a Multimedia degree I found some visual areas where I'm not completely terrible.
[[Take a look in the Magician's mysterious trunk, labeled "Disguises"|cosplay]]
[[Look under the Magician's Hat of Many Lenses|photography]]
[[Stab the Magician and steal his Tome of Digital Image Manipulation|shoops]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different path of adventure|Begin the adventure]]If I have just one artistic passion, it's video. I've been editing together family vacation footage to music since I was young enough to be trusted with a camera (older than you might think - [[I was a very clumsy child]]), and my video editing classes in college opened up a whole new world to me, cementing my life goals and plans of making a living creating and editing film. Here's just a sample of my work:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/PSCv5E-iE6g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/65466604" width="500" height="333" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>
__//[[**My brief flirtation with flash animation**|http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Mooooovs/BobbyLang_SquidFinal.swf]]//__
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/hi7UGhugk-M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/65465588" width="500" height="334" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>
Most of my other videos can be found [[here|https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKzxUqB6tekcL-CNbp4c5yOPQtrpaHW5j]] or [[here|https://vimeo.com/user18121064]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]Video games and other interactive mediums have always greatly intrigued me, but mostly as a consumer, not a creator. Recently, this has been changing. So far, I've mostly been dabbling, working on various methods of expression through interaction. Probably the best example I have so far is this very portfolio you've been exploring, but I'm working on many more at the moment as well.
My other significant game creation is my work as Lead Writer on the Second Edition of the Homestuck RPG. This 170+ page tabletop roleplaying manual was a massive undertaking, comprising dozens of day's worth of man hours. I had at least a part in pretty much every page in there, including some design decisions, but I'm most proud of all the funny names for attacks and powers I came up with.
[[You can read and download the Homestuck RPG here.|https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxzUvWDPJ-RSRjRrSUUwUEhwMHM/view]]
My other major game contribution is my work as editor of the game //12 Hours//, a self-described "empathy generator" that explores the hardships of homelessness and tasks you with surviving a single night in Downtown Portland. //12 Hours// will soon be [[available to play on Steam|https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=526702326]], but you can [[check it out now here.|http://kivabay.itch.io/12hrs]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]You wanna kill monsters and get sweet loot, and possibly sugary lutes? Well, usually the best way to do that is by embarking upon an epic [[quest]].I've always been opinionated, but I never really did anything with my opinions besides stew over and over them in my mind. That all changed in May of 2010, when, spurred by what I viewed as unjust results in the awards ceremony for a niche music subgenre, I started a review blog called The Wrock Snob. Over 100 articles and 100,000 views later, the Wrock Snob has slowly puttered to a stop. However, once you catch the bug of making fun of other people's work, it's hard to stop. Here are some of the many review projects I've started:
[[The Wrock Snob|http://wrocksnob.wordpress.com/]] (reviews of wizard rock, the musical sub-genre devoted to Harry Potter)
[[Review-A-Day|http://review-a-day.tumblr.com/]] (a short-lived attempt to review 365 random items/products/experiences)
[[Homestuck Without Words|http://homestuck-without-words.tumblr.com/tagged/homestuck/chrono]] (a fusion between review and fiction, set in a post-apocalyptic future where a very bored and lonely person reviews a corrupted textless archive of a webcomic known for its high volume of words)
[[SJBarbarian|http://sjbarbarian.tumblr.com/]] (a still-fledgling video game blog focused on social justice and caps lock)
[[Fuck No, Homestuck Porn|http://fucknohomestuckporn.tumblr.com/]] (an NSFW review blog making fun of terrible porn)
[[Limerick Reviews|http://limerickreviews.tumblr.com/]] (there's only one review here, but hey, it's a limerick! Neat!)
__//[[Explore further into the Valley of Critical Writing, for samples of the best this rich land has to offer|critical2]]//__
[[Fly on the back of the luckdragon Musical Writing|songs]]
[[Ascend to the astral plane of Fiction Writing|fiction]]
[[Swim until you reach the hidden Underwater Kingdom of Editing|editing]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]Fiction has always been a tricky beast for me. I love it reading it, I love thinking about it, I love dissecting it, and I love planning it, but I always find difficulty when it comes to actually writing it. Thus, the section of my portfolio is not unduly extensive, but nevertheless, here's the cream of the crop:
[[One of my many different takes on the end of the world|https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OknstGuyJPdwO4AOrDptjS9YhQGR2iJio88lYO4gHSs/edit?usp=sharing]]
[[A fanfiction where Draco Malfoy comes to terms with his child being trans|http://archiveofourown.org/works/2048421]]
[[A fusion between fiction and review, set in a post-apocalyptic future where a very bored and lonely person reviews a corrupted textless archive of a webcomic known for its high volume of words|http://homestuck-without-words.tumblr.com/tagged/homestuck/chrono]]
[[Here's all my other fanfic, but it's either bad, a joke, obscene, or quite possibly all three|https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zivlok]]
[[Join the troupe of Musical Writing bards|songs]]
[[Attack the band of Critical Writing bandits|critical]]
[[Defend the Under Seige Editing Castle|editing]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]I'm gonna be honest - I don't have the greatest voice. I know this because I have been told so by many people. But that has not deterred me from my love of music, specifically, my love of song writing. Since I was very young I was always making little songs and parodies, a love instilled by equal parts Sesame Street and Weird Al. In 2008 I started my first musical project, a wizard rock band called Dawlish and the Archies. I wrote dozens upon dozens of songs, and recorded most of them, in addition to dabbling with mashups and remixes. Eventually, the Harry Potter scene died out, but my love for writing songs didn't. I transitioned away from being focused on parodies to writing raps, as the ability to write in my own meter and rhyme scheme without needing good pipes or melody making skills appealed to me.
Here's some of my best recorded work:
//Rap Duodecim Angelus//
<audio controls>
<source src="http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Moozak/Rap%20Duodecim%20Angelus.mp3" type="audio/mpeg">
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</audio>
//Giant Squid's Kitchen//
<audio controls>
<source src="http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Tunez/15%20Giant%20Squid's%20Kitchen.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">
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</audio>
//Ota's Song//
<audio controls>
<source src="http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Tunez/Ota's%20Song.mp3" type="audio/mpeg">
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</audio>
//Plants vs. Inferi//
<audio controls>
<source src="http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Tunez/16%20Plants%20vs.%20Inferi.mp3" type="audio/mpeg">
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</audio>
Here's a few of my best unrecorded work:
[[A rap about being sad]]
[[A fancy/classy/ye olde version of Jay-Z's seminal hit, 99 Problems]]
[[A rap about losing your best friend, and also shoes]]
[[A song I wrote in the Psych Ward after my first major suicide attempt]]
Here's some archives and collections of my music:
[[Dawlish and the Archies Bandcamp|http://dawlishandthearchies.bandcamp.com/]]
[[Rhymekind Raps|http://rhymekindraps.tumblr.com/]]
[[Song A Day Challenge|http://pantslesswrock.tumblr.com/tagged/bobby%27s-song-a-day-adventures]]
[[Wizard Rock Advent Calendar|https://wrocktheadvent.wordpress.com/]]
When you're done with all that, here's some other things you can do:
[[Take a ride on the Critical Writing Rollercoaster|critical]]
[[Brave the Haunted House Of Fiction|fiction]]
[[Explore the Under Renovations Kingdom of Editing Kid's FunZone and Pizzaria|editing]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]This is a curated list of some of my best critical writing, across a variety of subjects and themes.
[[Limerick Review of 2 Guns|http://limerickreviews.tumblr.com/post/89683287567/2-guns-is-a-light-airy-lark-wahlberg-and-denzel]]
[[Reviews|http://fucknohomestuckporn.tumblr.com/post/95846699496/i-bet-youre-all-wondering-why-i-called-you-here]] [[of|http://fucknohomestuckporn.tumblr.com/post/30952608497/rose-looks-flat-as-a-board-and-i-dont-mean-she]] [[porn|http://fucknohomestuckporn.tumblr.com/post/27210445103/first-glance-oh-neat-some-more-pretty-good-hs]]
[[A review of Knytt Underground|http://review-a-day.tumblr.com/post/108942495397/review-6-knytt-underground]]
[[A review of masturbation|http://review-a-day.tumblr.com/post/106780676522/review-1-masturbation]]
[[A review of a wizard rock Christmas album|https://wrocksnob.wordpress.com/2010/12/01/review-jingle-spells-4/]]
[[Part of an interview with the grandfathers of wizard rock|https://wrocksnob.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/an-interview-with-harry-and-the-potters-part-2/]]
[[10 Things That Didn't Make Sense at Leakycon|https://wrocksnob.wordpress.com/2013/07/05/top-10-things-that-didnt-make-sense-at-leakycon-portland/]]
When revelations about rampant sexual and emotional abuse in the wizard rock fandom came to light, [[I wrote this|https://wrocksnob.wordpress.com/2014/03/26/why-we-fight/]] and [[made this.|http://8tracks.com/wrocksnob/why-we-fight]]
[[Fly on the back of the luckdragon Musical Writing|songs]]
[[Ascend to the astral plane of Fiction Writing|fiction]]
[[Swim until you reach the hidden Underwater Kingdom of Editing|editing]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]You clicked a thing. [[Good job!|dynfic]]YOU WIN! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Now, why not try your hand at some of my other [[interactive creations|games]]?YOU HAVE DIED.
GAME OVER.
My apologies. Maybe you'll have better luck with one of my other [[interactive creations|games]]?Whether or not editing is an art form or merely a skill is up for debate. Since I'm actually pretty decent at it, I err on the side of whichever makes me sound more impressive to you. I got my start in editing writing in the fanfiction scene, particularly the longform work of Bannanachan. I also was involved in editing the video game //12 Hours//, a self-described "empathy generator" that explores the hardships of homelessness and tasks you with surviving a single night in Downtown Portland.
[[This is a piece of writing I did a lot of editing on|http://archiveofourown.org/works/3923515]]
[[Here's another one|http://archiveofourown.org/works/1121534]]
12 Hours will soon be [[available to play on Steam|https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=526702326]], but you can [[check it out now here.|http://kivabay.itch.io/12hrs]]
[[Scale the wintry slopes of Mt. Critical Writing|critical]]
[[Enter Fiction Caverns|fiction]]
[[Take the forest path to the Glen of Musical Writing|songs]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different region to explore|Begin the adventure]]Cosplay is the art of costuming, specifically of turning yourself into a favorite character from a book, tv show, game, or other form of media. Here are some of my personal favorite cosplays I've done:
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/bananaclose.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/choirpunktrain.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/dashcongiraffe.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/dashconwalk.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/femsolbobby.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/davepetasquid.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/davepetaAA.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/babybobby.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Me/bathtubbobby.JPG>
[[Drink the potion labeled "Altered Realities"|shoops]]
[[Drink the potion labeled "Mirror of Truth"|photography]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different path of adventure|Begin the adventure]]While [[video production|video]] is my true passion, I have dabbled in still photography as well. Here's some of my better shots:
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/cy.JPG>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/kevin.JPG>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/sam2.JPG>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/whatserface.JPG>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Photography/sam1.JPG>
[[Wear the Cape of Distortion|shoops]]
[[Don the Cloak of Many Selves|cosplay]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different path of adventure|Begin the adventure]]My favorite form of visual art is digital image manipulation, more commonly known as "photoshopping". Nothing really fancy to say about this one, I just really like making silly things in Photoshop.
How much of my photoshop work do you wish to see?
[[Just the best, please!|shoopsBEST]]
[[ALL OF IT|shoopsALL]]
[[None, actually. I'd rather just teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different path of adventure|Begin the adventure]]
If you're having women troubles i feel bad for you my kin
I have a plethora of ailments but a wench is not among them
Constables are after me hoping to find illegal weapons
While all of mine enemies hope to make my life be ended
When critics hear my poetry they claim to be offended
But in the regions whence I dwell this would never be contended
If you were raised like I, wishing that your shoes be mended
You would be jubilant soon as your station was transcended
I do not care, critics may osculate right where i am fetid
They can press fast forward if my poetry upsets them
Stations won't play my my music if I won't play their event
But pardon my French, I think they may get bent
Periodicals use my face as an enticement
So they can accumulate more wealth from advertisements
I am not aware of what about me you assume
But do not think that you can classify me as a buffoon
I rose from poverty to wealth, to my knowledge you will succumb
I have a plethora of ailments but a wench is not among them
Nineteen Hundred Ninety Four in the year of our Lord
In the trunk of my car is where my cocaine is stored
I could pull over my vehicle for the police behind me
Or give into my id and go on a racing spree
But a highway chase would be too intense
Plus I have the money to mount a legal defense
So I pulled over to the shoulder and threw my clutch into park
"Dost thou know wherefore I stopped thee?" the policeman barked
"Because I'm a young African-American with hats of decreased height?
Why exactly are you asking me, do you believe I have third sight?”
<<back>>stone ground to ashes
dust to the floor
mind covered rashes
always wanting more
always getting less
never is enough
you say i tried my best
i say thats not enough
because i aim to impress
make you laugh its not enough
i wanna get through life
but lately its getting tough
grease covered fingers
stabbing at the keys
past is that which lingers
always aimed to please
always could express
but never really knew
life is not a test
just a thing you must get through
the fact is you are cursed
from the moment you take breath
if you quit you are the worst
all you can win is your death
and i don’t know whats after
the best i can is hope
but the meantime i got rafters
and a chair and a rope
if you want a rap thats dope
then you can go back to yeezy
i dont care - just dont ever
tell me moving on is easy
cuz real shit is my life
and it probably is yours
and i really couldn’t blame you
if you always stayed indoors
because why would you need friends
when youve got the internet
but its a means to the same ends
how come all my spoons were spent
i wish i couldn’t care
if i didnt want to be
but all i have i gots to share
you can call me giving tree
because soon we’ll both be stumped
whether or not i get my druthers
and can you really call it living
if you live just to please others
and i would live for myself
if i could if someone showed me
but if you think asking for help
is easy you can fucking blow me
every day i am stuck here
is another hundred lashes
i’m all burnt up from the inside
cuz im stone ground to ashes
<<back>>we used to bro hug bump every single fuckin night
like your mom’s hot ass we were super fuckin tight
yo we didnt ever fight not then and not now
yeah the shit just kinda faded wasnt from a giant row
let me amplify my grief like im randall
then do a fuckin pirouette right offa the handle
if i said i feel like jesus would that cause a huge scandal
on the beat in that heat hitting jerus wit my sandals
sandals on my feet
im a trainer in the sheets but a loafer on the streets
the shoe pile doesn’t even stop from getting higher
all i gots some shoeboxes when we had an empire
not as of yet but in our dreams
we were the stars we was making that cream
it was us i could trust
we would die before we’d bust
does it make ya feel good to know you threw me under bus
yo i dont care
though i was there
and you watched me fall down every stair
it keeps happening man is it you who makes it so
at this point hot god only knows
lemme take a shot in the dark
with my duedly firearms
and say i think thatchoo know whatchu do
are you next are you next are you next
yo you dumb homo tool it could to happen to you
all i ever tried to do was show you love
but our friendship bro, it’s escaping from above
i guess we just both got distacted
and there were things that i said that i wish were redacted
the big man hass the rock yeah its true
but never doubt that i woulda rocked dome for you
in the heart of my hearts i know this isn’t the end
i guess i’ll just have to find the new friend
<<back>><img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/ManaEatNoText.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/depression1.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/kevindatingsimBack.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/quickaradialarger.png>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/stagemuthing.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/bobbylanggradients.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/text2.gif>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/tumblr_nsv6tvRcF91rfkwpeo1_1280.gif>
[[Swear your allegiance to the Sign of the Face-Shaper|cosplay]]
[[Swear your allegiance to the Sign of the Light-Etcher|photography]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different path of adventure|Begin the adventure]]<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/ManaEatNoText.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/november%2017th%20part%202.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/depression1.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/medal4abby.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/kevindatingsimfront.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/kevindatingsimBack.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/kingforaday.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/expect2out%20banner.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/swagglejackrides.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/Da%20Original%20Langster%20Remix.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/KORRASTAIRS.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/quickaradialarger.png>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/stagemuthing.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/MURICA1.gif>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/ORCSSTUCKINSHITTYTRONRIPOFF.PNG>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/anatomyofamountain.png>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/bobbylanggradients.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/text2.gif>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/text3.gif>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/continuedexistencemedal.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/dontlosefaithFINAL.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/dramasalsa.jpg>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/shitletsbebimpmapped.png>
<img src=http://www.ashenquadrant.com/portfolio/sauce/Imgs/Shoops/tumblr_nsv6tvRcF91rfkwpeo1_1280.gif>
[[Swear your allegiance to the Sign of the Face-Shaper|cosplay]]
[[Swear your allegiance to the Sign of the Light-Etcher|photography]]
[[Teleport back to the Cave of Indecision, and choose a different path of adventure|Begin the adventure]]Note that this in no way precludes the possibility that I am also a very clumsy adult.
<<back>> well sometimes in your life you have just gotta run
so i ain't gonna walk going looking for fun
and i got this sinking feeling that my life is almost done
so i think im gonna steal the sun
i said goodbye to my mom goodbye to my dad
goodbye to all family and friends that i had
and while deep down I know that I'll make them all sad
I know I've gotta steal the sun
cuz i'm flying so high over everyone
that my oh-so-careful plans are about to be undone
but i'm flying so high over everyone
that i swear i could steal the sun
yeah i swear i could steal the sun
well three strikes and you're out but you're still in the game
and your mouth can still run even if your legs are lame
i never really wanted money but i always wanted fame
so tonight i'm gonna steal the sun
does it still count as platonic if you haven't been to third base yet?
does it count as drinking by yourself if you've got the internet?
well i never did count and on that count i can bet
so it's time for me to steal the sun
cuz i'm flying so high over everyone
that my oh-so-careful plans are about to be undone
but i'm flying so high over everyone
that i swear i could steal the sun
yeah i swear i could steal the sun
well i flew so high but i crashed so hard
and i spread my entrails all over the neighbor's yard
and he says he'll pick them up if I give him a buck or three
but the doctor says that i cannot yet leave
cuz i flew so high over everyone
that i swore i could steal the sun.
<<back>>