I still have a box of a lot of our notes we wrote for each other during the day in class. They heavily feature a set of 5 stick figures.\n\nI have no idea why my mom bought us extremely good seats for an NSync concert, but I remember calling you and the long pause before you said okay, you'd go with me. You wore baggy clothes and a sweatshirt with the hood up in case anyone saw you there.\n\nRemember that time we drove to Chicago to see them in concert two night in a row, slept on the dorm floor of someone we vaguely knew from Livejournal, and then drove back home in time for my shift at the video store?\n\nRemember how you're a part of every good thing in my life?\n\n[[Your eyes are red because you cried|Sick]]
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This Cornado loves you
I have known you for 17 years, 4 months, and 23 days, and sometimes I still marvel that you wanted to be my friend...or rather that you wanted to //stay// my friend, even after you got to know the worst of me.\n\nI made this game about the first 10ish years we were friends because those years were really fucking hard but there were still parts that were wonderful then, and those are the parts I still feel. \n\nI hope like hell you never need anyone the way I needed you for a time, because I want, irrationally, for you to be always full of joy and self-love. But in case you ever find yourself needing someone to love you so very much more than you love yourself, well. You've got me in your corner forever, should you need me, and I'm pretty confident I won't let you down in the friend department.\n\nAfter all, I learned how to be a friend from the best one ever. <3
I still remember the first time I ever saw you, I remember that you had super long hair and lots of cool accessories. I was wearing a Charlie Brown tshirt like a loser asshole. It was in the gym during orientation for the incoming highschool freshmen.\n\nDo you remember that time I was trying to compliment your personal style and meant to say you were rocking the heroin chic look, but instead I just said, "You look like you're on heroin" and you glared at me?\n\n[[1-9-9-9 we're the class of '99|Teachers]]
I still don't remember how it happened, but we ran into each other at some mixer during Frosh Week at college and then suddenly we were sitting on the floor of my dorm room eating an entire box of Oreos and crying, homesick.\n\nI came over to your dorm room one day and said, "If we're going to be friends now, you'll need to watch these," and handed you my most precious possession at the time, a tower of carefully-labeled VHS tapes containing every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You marathoned all three seasons in two weeks and breathlessly anticipated the premiere of Angel because you liked the music they used in the promos. \n\nAt the end of the first semester, I transferred dorms to live down the hall from you.\n\n[[We talk like auctioneers and we bounce like checks|Roommates]]
We looked so much alike the teachers confused us, even when my hair was bright red and yours was changing all the time because you worked at a salon.\n\nWe never really hung out much, because your best friend scared the shit out of me -- a gut instict backed up with fact the day she walked up to me in the cafeteria with scissors in her hand and cut a chunk of my hair off.\n\nThe first boy I ever fell in love with eventually dated you, too. When you skipped school after he dumped you, I came over after class and we spent all evening in your room talking about what a loser jerk he was.\n\n[[Sing a new song Chiquitita|College]]
I remember wandering around my filthy apartment, exhausted and wired and unwashed, listening to your voice as you talked into my answering machine. //Courtney pick up the phone. Courtney I know you're there. Just pick up and tell me you're okay. I'm not going to stop calling, so you might as well talk to me...//\n\nI have this memory in multiple cities, multiple apartments, multiple spirals downward, over and over again. I almost never picked up. Sometimes I'd turn off the answering machine before you were done talking. You kept calling.\n\nOne time you showed up with two bags of groceries and cooked for me because there was literally nothing edible left in my pantry.\n\nOne time I hadn't done the dishes for three weeks and my one-room apartment reeked of whatever godless bacteria-creature was gaining sentience in the sink. You put on rubber gloves and were in the kitchen for over an hour and then everything was clean.\n\nWe eventually learned. //I need you to come over so I can clean my apartment// ...and you would.\n\n[[The world is a better place because of hashbrowns|Thank you]]\n\n
December 29, 2012
Courtney Stanton
We got an apartment together sophomore year, which prompted multiple Serious Conversations about me leaving dirty plates in the sink until the mustard and ketchup had solidified.\n\nIt took me a shamefully long time to figure out what I must have put you through. You didn't have the luxury of dropping all your classes for a semester like I did, you had to keep going to class and keep living with me and everything that entailed. Did I ever even apologize?\n\nI'm sorry I tried to kill myself in our apartment and I'm //so// sorry that you would have been the one who found my body. As it is, I'm sorry that you had to pick up so many of the pieces while I rebuilt myself from the ground up.\n\nSomehow life went on.\n\n[[and i don't even know how I got off the track|NSYNC]]
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