Replacements (We're Not Who We Used to Be): Two

[(live: 2s)[<blue>I swear it wasn't this cold last year.</blue> (stop:)]] [(live: 4s)[<yellow>Or this long.</yellow> (stop:)]] [(live: 5s)[<blue>Yeah.</blue> (stop:)]] [(live: 7s)[<red>I swear it was easier last year.</red> (stop:)]] [(live: 9s)[<yellow>At least we had an autumn last year.</yellow> (stop:)]] [(live: 11s)[<red>This year: nope.</red> (stop:)]] [(live: 12s)[<blue>40 degrees, then 10 degrees.</blue> (stop:)]] [(live: 14s)[<yellow>I swear-</yellow> (stop:)]] [(live: 15s)[<red>I don't even remember the leaves on the trees turning yellow this year.</red> (stop:)]] [(live: 17s)[<white>They didn't.</white> (stop:)]] [(live: 20s)[<yellow>Well, they did. They would've.</yellow> (stop:)]] [(live: 20.5s)[<white>They didn't.</white> (stop:)]] [(live: 24s)[<red>Ummm, I think-</red> (stop:)]] [(live: 26s)[<yellow>No, she's right. They didn't. The trees never lost their leaves.</yellow> (stop:)]] [(live: 30s)[<white>The trees just got [[replaced|Title Page]].</white> (stop:)]]

(live: 1s)[(transition: "dissolve")[Finishing School - the only club night any of you care about. But it's different now. New venue, new vibe. The Bella Union has finally closed down. No more high ceilings, no more unionist propaganda, no more kissing Gough Whitlam on the way in. Now there's just the same number of people on a somehow-even-smaller dancefloor. Still, it's the same tunes, same DJs making the occasional witty quip over the mic. Same crowd, for now. There seems to be some agreement amongst your friends not to expend too much energy complaining about the change. You're here now. 11PM. You've drunk enough, sweated enough, flirted enough, moved enough. This is the peak. Soon you'll all start to wilt, one by one, until you've all dribbled out the door and oozed onto trams, bicycles, back-seats of ubers. But that's later. This is now. Who's here? You look around at the shimmering faces in your circle... ... at [[VANYA]], sweating gloriously through an old campaign t-shirt for the Greens, stealing glimpses at... ... [[TERRY]], who cannot move for shit but pulls it off by striking absurd poses and then just holding them. The poses are being copied right now... ... by GARNET, who always wears too much glitter and regrets it the day after. Next to Garnet, as always... ... is [[ZAN]], who is easily the best dancer in the group, almost entirely by virtue of not giving even a quarter of a fuck and just flailing like there's no tomorrow. Currently the flailing seems to be happening... ... in [[KIRAN'S|KIRAN]] direction. Kiran is also a great dancer, but in more of a legitimate, actually-took-dance-lessons-as-a-child way. Kiran's working some funky legwork whilst texting someone with one hand and finishing a pint with the other. ......... and in this tangled web of competing desires, affections, thrills and imperfections, who are you? ](stop:)]

(live: 2s)[bass in your chest (stop:)](live: 3s)[/ sticky floor (stop:)](live: 3.5s)[/ throbbing lights(stop:)] (live: 4s)[circle of friends (stop:)](live: 5s)[/ bodies move (stop:)](live: 5.5s)[/ flicker smiles(stop:)] (live: 6s)[came as a group (stop:)](live: 7s)[/ formed a ring (stop:)](live: 7.5s)[/ watertight(stop:)] (live: 8s)[who's eyeing who? (stop:)](live: 9s)[/ glances bounce (stop:)](live: 9.5s)[/ time flies(stop:)] (live: 11s)[(goto: 'BeginningContinued')]

You've been waiting in this line long enough that the topic has turned to weather. The staircase at the Bella Union, it's the last Finishing School of the year... maybe ever... They've just started playing Sweet Dreams inside. Out here, though, Frankie's getting in an argument with Fred about this tree thing. As *if* they're just gunna replace *every* tree. I'm not saying I know how it works. You actually believe it, don't you? If they can replace whole buildings... That's different. Is it? Frankie says something with her eyebrows and Fred says something back with a tilt of his head. A wry half-smile each, eye contact, then away. You imagine you see their lips actually swell with blood, their pupils dilate to the max. You imagine them both thinking, "Maybe tonight, finally." You imagine correctly. The posters lining the walls drift in and out of your field of attention, but everything that looks interesting has already happened.

(live: 1s)[(transition: "dissolve")[i'm at least as nervous as i would normally be in <yellow>any situation with unknown people who I assume are having a better time and are cleverer at life than me</yellow> but i am also with my friends whose opinion i care about and i also have to dance and i am so sweaty there is no way no one has noticed and i love all these guys obviously for real but i am actually just so sweaty and can't dance--look at zan--zan doesn't care--zan just does whatever zan wants--zan's body is in charge but in a good way--my body is in charge in a medically significant way or that's what it feels like anyway--is that--was that--am i having heart palpitations--i am not having heart palpitations i don't have a heart condition i'm just tired and can't stop looking at terry--see terry is a shit dancer--terry's still having a good time--i'm having a good time i am i really am i'm here with my beautiful friends who are too beautiful--much more beautiful than-- i think i need to go home. should i-- no i'm just gunna [[go|VanyaBreathes]]. ]]

I wish I'd discovered this trick earlier. Like, in high school or something. All those years I spent stepping side-to-side to the beat like some kind of pendulum or some kind of gif or whatever. Now I just strike a pose and hold it for as long as I want, and people think it's amazing. I think I'm doing particularly well this evening. Ahh, here we go. Vanya's leaving. This is it - from here, the fragile structure of networked affections begins to unravel. We'll all be out of here within half an hour. I estimate that Kiran will be the next one to go. Kiran will sense the dwindling vibe and won't want to be one of the last left behind - know when to make your exit, that kind of thing. And if Kiran goes, the whole entropic process accellerates big-time. I give it 32 moves... by the time I've pulled 32 more moves, someone else will be out of here. Alright, this move I'm pulling right now is getting stale. What next? ummmm... [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/gCEROG/Dance1.png" alt="Dance1" border="0">->Move1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/iwZhxb/Dance2.png" alt="Dance2" border="0">->Move2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/jZYLiG/Dance3.png" alt="Dance3" border="0">->Move3]] [CLICK ONE!]

(live: 0.5s)[ (if: time > 1s and < 12.5s)[completely](elseif: time > 13s and < 15s)[completely](elseif: time > 16s and < 19s)[completely] (if: time > 1.5s and < 12.5s)[absent](elseif: time > 14s and < 15s)[absent](elseif: time > 17s and < 19s)[absent](elseif: time > 25.5s and < 26.5s)[absent] (if: time > 2s and <12.5s)[any](elseif: time > 25s and <26.5s)[any] (if: time > 2.5s and < 12.5s)[element](elseif: time > 24s and < 26.5s)[element] (if: time > 3s and < 12.5s)[of](elseif: time > 24.5s and < 26.5s)[of] (if: time > 3.5s and < 12.5s)[self](if: time > 4s and < 12.5s)[-consciousness](if: time > 18s and < 19s)[-consciousness] (if: time > 4.5s and < 12.5s)[just](elseif: time > 20s and < 21.5s)[just] (if: time > 5s and < 12.5s)[moving] (if: time > 5.5s and < 12.5s)[with](elseif: time > 20.5s and < 21.5s)[with] (if: time > 6s and < 12.5s)[these] (if: time > 6.5s and < 12.5s)[words](elseif: time > 21s and < 21.5s)[words] (if: time > 7s and < 12.5s)[and] (if: time > 7.5s and < 12.5s)[connecting] (if: time > 8s and < 12.5s)[my] (if: time > 8.5s and < 12.5s)[body] (if: time > 9s and < 12.5s)[to] (if: time > 9.5s and < 12.5s)[the](if: time > 23s and < 26.5s)[the] (if: time > 10s and < 12.5s)[beat](elseif: time > 22.5s and < 26.5s)[beat] (if: time > 10.5s and < 12.5s)[feeling](elseif: time > 23.5s and < 26.5s)[feeling] (if: time > 11s and < 12.5s)[each] (if: time > 11.5s and < 12.5s)[sound](elseif: time > 26s and < 26.5s)[sound] (if: time >27s and <29s)[Oh wait.] (if: time >30s and <38s)[Is everyone leaving?] (if: time >32s and <38s)[I think we're leaving.] (if: time >34s and <38s)[[[Damn.|ZanNextDay]](stop:)]]

I love this, I'm lost. Everything is strange and none of us have edges anymore. The smile moves from Zan(click-replace: "Zan")[Zan's face to mine; I move my arm like this(click-replace: "this")[this, and the echo shudders through Terry's fingers(click-replace: "fingers")[fingers, which point to the ceiling as we all(click-replace: "all")[all rise to the ceiling as the beat gets ready to [[drop]].]]]]

I think this one has some political connotations that I don't fully understand. Better not hold it for too long. Or hold it for a really long time, just to show that I know what I'm doing. ... what next? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/fe6Ucb/Dance4.png" alt="Dance4" border="0">->MoveB1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/gGPROG/Dance5.png" alt="Dance5" border="0">->MoveB2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/bLGvHb/Dance6.png" alt="Dance6" border="0">->MoveB3]]

This one's fun. Where am I going, you know? ... ... ok, what next? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/fe6Ucb/Dance4.png" alt="Dance4" border="0">->MoveB1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/gGPROG/Dance5.png" alt="Dance5" border="0">->MoveB2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/bLGvHb/Dance6.png" alt="Dance6" border="0">->MoveB3]]

Very good. ... ... ok, what next? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/fe6Ucb/Dance4.png" alt="Dance4" border="0">->MoveB1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/gGPROG/Dance5.png" alt="Dance5" border="0">->MoveB2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/bLGvHb/Dance6.png" alt="Dance6" border="0">->MoveB3]]

The thing about pulling these static moves is it's sometimes hard to know if people will get the reference. Maybe I'll hold it until everyone does that little chuckle that lets me know they get it. ... ... ok, Zan's just done a move from the same video, that'll do. What next? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/f7HkHb/Dance7.png" alt="Dance7" border="0">->MoveC1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/b4DQHb/Dance8.png" alt="Dance8" border="0">->MoveC2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/hkai3G/Dance9.png" alt="Dance9" border="0">->MoveC3]]

Great, bit of old school. People love the old school moves. What else have I got? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/f7HkHb/Dance7.png" alt="Dance7" border="0">->MoveC1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/b4DQHb/Dance8.png" alt="Dance8" border="0">->MoveC2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/hkai3G/Dance9.png" alt="Dance9" border="0">->MoveC3]]

Oh, yep. Sassy. ... I don't think I have the thigh muscles for this one, though. What's next? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/f7HkHb/Dance7.png" alt="Dance7" border="0">->MoveC1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/b4DQHb/Dance8.png" alt="Dance8" border="0">->MoveC2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/hkai3G/Dance9.png" alt="Dance9" border="0">->MoveC3]]

Wow, I really only expected to be able to hold this one for half a second, but I'm doing alright. It isn't gunna last forever though. Something else... [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/k37kHb/Silly1.png" alt="Silly1" border="0">->MoveD1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/bQuAiG/Silly2.png" alt="Silly2" border="0">->MoveD2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/gdzMqw/Silly3.png" alt="Silly3" border="0">->MoveD3]]

Yeah, everyone loves this one. See, look, now I've got the whole group doing the pointing, up and down. I wonder what you're meant to be pointing at when you do this move? Anyway... [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/k37kHb/Silly1.png" alt="Silly1" border="0">->MoveD1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/bQuAiG/Silly2.png" alt="Silly2" border="0">->MoveD2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/gdzMqw/Silly3.png" alt="Silly3" border="0">->MoveD3]]

I don't feel like Psy got what he deserved. It's always a shame to see someone fall into the one-hit-wonder bin. That track was really pretty well put-together. Anyway... [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/k37kHb/Silly1.png" alt="Silly1" border="0">->MoveD1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/bQuAiG/Silly2.png" alt="Silly2" border="0">->MoveD2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/gdzMqw/Silly3.png" alt="Silly3" border="0">->MoveD3]]

I am really surprising myself with my upper-body strength tonight. And where'd this bow and arrow come from? ... [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/eL3QHb/Sports1.png" alt="Sports1" border="0">->MoveE1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/hyY9cb/Sports2.png" alt="Sports2" border="0">->MoveE2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/jhFNxb/Sports3.png" alt="Sports3" border="0">->MoveE3]]

Mime, it's a subtle artform. I wonder what everyone thinks I'm holding? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/eL3QHb/Sports1.png" alt="Sports1" border="0">->MoveE1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/hyY9cb/Sports2.png" alt="Sports2" border="0">->MoveE2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/jhFNxb/Sports3.png" alt="Sports3" border="0">->MoveE3]]

Mime, it's a subtle artform. I wonder what everyone thinks I'm hugging? [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/eL3QHb/Sports1.png" alt="Sports1" border="0">->MoveE1]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/hyY9cb/Sports2.png" alt="Sports2" border="0">->MoveE2]] [[<img src="https://thumb.ibb.co/jhFNxb/Sports3.png" alt="Sports3" border="0">->MoveE3]]

Queen to H6, Carlsen's spectacular 2016 match-winning move. Hard to portray through static bodily gesture, but I think I've done well... (live: 3s)[Oh wait.(stop:)] (live: 4s)[Kiran's calling a huddle. Seems like we're all leaving now. It's been decided. Amazing how Kiran has the power to just decide these things. Still, that's just fine by me. [[Let's get out of here|PreTerryNextDay]] (stop:)]

Incredible! I'm on fire! (live: 3s)[Oh wait.(stop:)] (live: 4s)[Kiran's calling a huddle. Seems like we're all leaving now. It's been decided. Amazing how Kiran has the power to just decide these things. Still, that's just fine by me. [[Let's get out of here|PreTerryNextDay]] (stop:)]

Ahh, yep. The snooker-come-on. Garnet loves this one. (live: 3s)[Oh wait.(stop:)] (live: 4s)[Kiran's calling a huddle. Seems like we're all leaving now. It's been decided. Amazing how Kiran has the power to just decide these things. Still, that's just fine by me. [[Let's get out of here|PreTerryNextDay]] (stop:)]

Why do waiting rooms look like this? I mean, I imagine that at some point someone did a study that proved that these exact beiges and greys had a numbing effect on human behaviour, or that this exact amount of upholstery (i.e. fucking minimal) would provide the bare minimum of comfort at the lowest price. But whoever did those studies was wrong, or unimaginative, or both. I want something to look at other than this rolling news coverage of how the Great Melbourne Flood didn't actually happen. I also want to not have diabetes, which it now turns out is a possibility. And I also want to not think about whether or not I have diabetes until I have conclusive evidence one way or another, which I should receive at some point in the next twenty minutes.[[Is that my phone?]]

<yellow>I love the heat, but we all know what it means.</yellow> Last night at the bar, it meant stripping off layers inside the bar and then not putting them back on when we stepped out into the night. It meant shining skin and eyes and air so thick you could drink it. Today, it means something else. Doing illegal things to stop the bad guys: [[it always feels better in the heat.]]

<yellow>I looked over at my friend, and down at his hands, and saw them shake such that you could fit whole fingers in between the after images.</yellow> [[next]]

Oh no! Everyone's leaving? What's the time - midnight! When did that happen? I was having such a nice time! I try to put up a fight but Zan grabs me by the hand and my skin tingles in little burst so I let myself get dragged along and out and into [[tomorrow.|KiranNextDay]]

Hello everyone! Here, finally, is the first episode of Replacements. A few things to note: - I realised, through making this episode, that I bit off far more than I could chew. Future episodes will be much simpler, so that I can get them to you faster. - You all filled out a lovely survey last time. All of your responses inspired this episode. Some of your responses are quoted directly. <yellow>When I'm using your words, I'll write in yellow.</yellow> - Because this episode is so BIG, you should feel free to play it through a couple of times - there's lots to find! But please, for your own sake and for mine, only fill out the survey at the end ONCE! - Some parts of the experience are glitchy. This is usually intentional. If it's so glitchy you can't find your way to the survey at the end, please drop me an email to let me know! Okay, I think that's it for now. Ready? [[LET'S DO THIS|DanceCircle]]

It's hard to picture Vanya in the sunlight. You've seen them outside plenty of times, they actually like the indoors. But whenever you think of Vanya, you think of late late nights. Never before midnight. Always in a digital glow. And always alone. This is where they are at their happiest and unhappiest. It depends. They stay up too late chatting to people and coming up with new schemes. They know this. But when it works, it's magic. There's this whole digital blue world, the computer like a magical portal from a childhood story, opening up on playful flirtations and new informations and the dream of tomorrow, where the ideas that are floating to the surface right now, they erupt. You can feel the energy of your own inspiration surging and you just know that it will come to fruition tomorrow, even if that's not always true. When that electricky staticky blue place is the unhappy place, though, it is a paranoid loneliness. It is the opposite of touch. It is waiting for someone's reply even though you know, you KNOW that they are asleep. And it is moments of hopeless clarity. You will never cure this night-time habit, and you will never have the energy tomorrow to bring about what feels possible today. For the most part though, Vanya floats between these two digital worlds, sitting at their desk, in the chair they really ought to replace because it is ricketty and too short for the desk, so that they end up with their elbows up around their shoulders when they wanna type anything or do anything. But they will never replace the chair, and they will never go to sleep before midnight without a fight or a lover.

Terry is reading. Terry is forever reading. Terry has taken the time to put together the perfect setup where they are seated comfortably, with room for two books in front of them - one for reading and the other for writing. People sometimes laugh when they first see this setup of Terry's - it is not well-crafted or beautiful to look at, but eminently utilitarian, which is to say that it works. Everything in Terry's life works. If it stops working, he fixes it. Everything in Terry's life has an answer. Some of those answers are yet to be found, but they are there, have no doubt about that. And if those answers have not been found yet, well, only Terry is to blame for that. The answers that elude Terry the most have to do with people. He has them mostly figured out, but he's basically walking a tightrope as far as they're concerned. Perhaps he's reading about people right now. And the notes he makes in his book adhere to a careful system, even if he's the only one that understands it. In amongst that system there are direct quotes, personal musings, and a system of categorisation so that he can find his best thoughts, or the most relevant information, at a later date. His notebooks are indexed. Terry keeps sensible hours and likes good whisky in moderation.

PLAYING A SONG YOU WROTE FOR THEM - Trying to casually mention this in conversation. Do a recording of this (with Peter?) where I get him to play one of the notes and I play the other - include the audio where I explain to him what's going on. LYRICS FOR PIANO SONG Two notes at a time D/F# Two notes at a time F#/A This is easy A/C# to play G/B Two steps at a time Two friends walk a line This is easy you say And I am always I don't always But I can always Always, always Always I am Always I can't Always you can You can, you can And we are two notes this far apart any closer and we'd sound wrong We are strings that resonate we are things that hesitate we are standing this far apart two notes at a time two notes at a time it's so easy this way two notes at a time you play yours, I'll play mine it's so easy

The other day I thought I saw a guy in a car who was trying to slash had suicided. I was so freaked out, but then he took a drink of water and drove away a few minutes later? It shook me up for a good hour or two though. I'm seeing death everywhere at the moment. I'm just generally unprepared for whatever the world is bringing. Half wolf and half bear Honestly the weather up here is much better than it is up north. It rains most nights, but at least the plants are enjoying it. Exams. Passing. Trying to put in the effort.

(live: 1s)[Leaving.] (live: 2s)[Exiting.] (live: 3s)[Walking.] (live: 5s)[Walking.] (live: 8s)[Walking.] (live: 12s)[Travelling.] (live: 16s)[Travelling.] (live: 22s)[Arriving.] (live: 29s)[Bed...dding.] (live: 35s)[S](live: 36s)[l](live: 37s)[e](live: 38s)[e](live: 39s)[p](live: 40s)[i](live: 41s)[n](live: 42s)[g](live: 43s)[.](live: 44s)[.](live: 45s)[.] (live: 50s)[(transition: "dissolve")[[[Waking.|VanyaMeme]] ](stop:)]

<cy>Zan!</cy> <o>Hey!</o> <cy>Good to see you!</cy> <o>Yeah, you too.</o> <cy>Yeah, good thanks. Umm oh haha-</cy> <o>Oh!</o> <cy>Hahahaha.</cy> <o>Should we try that again.</o> <cy>I will never get it right let's not even try. Get in.</cy> [[Nailed it...|VanyaConvo2]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 10) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 7) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent I'm trying to be present and just be here with Zan, but I'm experiencing everything as memories. Like the present has already been replaced with the future, leaving only the trace of our actions, our decisions. I'm trying to work up the courage to play Zan this song I've written, even though it's no big deal, even though I know it's just a speck of dust in the library of our friendship, but I'm choking on it. Snap back to the present. We've just walked in. She's complimented the house. <o>It's cleaner here than usual.</o> <cy>Oh, I... yeah, umm...</cy> [[My housemates cleaned it or something probably i dunno, do you want some tea?]] [[I cleaned it up for you.]]

You've chosen to play as [[VANYA!|ExplainVanya]]

Now it's the day after that club night, and Vanya's feeling much better. Becoming "much better" included the following: - laying perfectly still in bed for upwards of an hour; - watching five episodes of Drag Race; - watching some videos about spiders on YouTube; - going for a walk to the kitchen cupboard and discovering that they still had those biscuits they thought they'd finished! which was exciting and never happens; and - inviting Zan over to chill later. Vanya has a big ol' crush on Zan.(click-replace: "Vanya has a big ol' crush on Zan.")[<strike>Vanya has a big ol' crush on Zan.</strike> I think Zan's great and they're a really good friend and I've written them a song to celebrate our platonic and excellent friendship. (live: 4s)[Not sure how to just casually drop that fact into the conversation though. So that's making me a bit nervous and actually maybe I'll just forget about it. Or maybe I'll just suck it up and play the song as soon as they arrive. Or maybe I'll, like, mention it but then say it's no big deal and I'll play it for them later. #suspense. I dunno. ] (live: 8s)[Oh shit, they're here! [[Help me be chill!|VanyaZanArrives]]]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 15) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 1) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent <cy>I cleaned it up for you.</cy> I immediately regret everything. <o>Oh god, sorry!</o> What a creepy thing to say! <cy>Oh no, it's so fine.</cy> <o>I really hope you didn't go to too much trouble.</o> <cy>No, I'd been meaning to clean for, like, a year.</cy> <o>A year.</o> <cy>So it was really good, actually!</cy> <o>Well, thank you.</o> Alright, saved it... I think... <cy>Tea?</cy> <o>I'd love some, thanks. I'll come help you make it.</o> [[Sure, come through.]] [[It's literally just pressing a button on the kettle, don't worry.]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 5) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 0) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent A pointless lie. But telling her I cleaned it for her sake felt creepy. I didn't really need to say anything about it. "Thank you" would have been fine. <cy>Tea?</cy> <o>I'd love some, thanks. I'll come help you make it.</o> [[Sure, come through.]] [[It's literally just pressing a button on the kettle, don't worry.]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 15) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 1) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent The kitchen. Cramped, cold, tile, grime. Cosy, somehow. Formica and wood-patterned lino. Zan sits on the bench even though I tell her not to. <cy>Get down.</cy> She winks at me. I think about winking back. [[Maybe I do.]] Or maybe [[I focus on the tea.]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 5) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent -= 2) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent So now I'm in here by myself, and she's out there, just sitting around, doing nothing. I guess I'll just wait for the kettle to boil. (live: 5s)[...] (live: 8s)[...] (live: 11s)[Oh yep, that's starting to sound like it's really getting warmer.] (live: 14s)[<o>Sure I can't help with anything?</o> <cy>Yeah, no, all good.</cy> ] (live: 16s)[<o>I'll just come in and watch you then.</o> <cy>Yep sure.</cy> The kitchen. Cramped, cold, tile, grime. Cosy, somehow. Formica and wood-patterned lino. Zan sits on the bench even though I tell her not to. <cy>Get down.</cy> She winks at me. I think about winking back. [[Maybe I do.]] Or maybe [[I focus on the tea.]] ]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 20) (set: $handSweat += 2) (set: $vanyaContent += 1) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent <o>What was that?</o> <cy>What?</cy> <o>Was that your attempt at a wink?</o> <cy>No shut up you started it go away.</cy> She screeches when she laughs. She throws her head back like she’s a pez dispenser. The kettle boils, you pour as she pours forth words, she’s telling you about- <o>The other day I thought I saw a guy in a car who was trying to/had suicided. I was so freaked out but then he took a drink of water and drove away a few minutes later. It shook me up for a good hour or two though. I’m seeing death everywhere at the moment.</o> [[I should lighten the mood.]] [[I don’t want to say anything to that. I just want to let those words hang in the air.]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 10) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 0) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent The kettle boils, slowly. You intentionally look in the wrong cupboards for utensils you know perfectly well where to find. Keep busy, make it look like what you're doing takes doing. Eventually, a plastic pop from the kettle. You pour as she pours forth words, she’s telling you about- <o>The other day I thought I saw a guy in a car who was trying to slash had suicided. I was so freaked out but then he took a drink of water and drove away a few minutes later. It shook me up for a good hour or two though. I’m seeing death everywhere at the moment.</o> [[I should lighten the mood.]] [[I don’t want to say anything to that. I just want to let those words hang in the air.]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 10) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 0) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent <cy>Yeah shit, that sounds heavy. Actually one time that happened to me.</cy> <o>What happened?</o> <cy>I was sitting near a bridge for ages in the morning and someone thought I was gunna commit suicide and they came over and were being all concerned and everything but I’d actually just gotten really drunk and locked myself out of my house so I was just waiting until someone got home or woke up or whatever so I could get into the house.</cy> <o>What made them think you were in danger?</o> <cy>I dunno. What made you think that guy in the car was in danger?</cy> <o>I think...</o> That’s the end of the sentence. She does this sometimes. “The word spoken is never the word heard,” she says. She doesn’t mind running out of words; she knows people will fill in the blanks for themselves. At some point we are not in the kitchen anymore, we’re in the living room instead. There are lots of sofas that are too well-loved, too low to the ground, once you sit down you’ll never get back up. The piano is in the corner. I sit facing away from it, I banish it. We end up talking, as we so often do, about the replacements. It’s like a game at this point. You try to guess what’s been replaced. Some are easy. <o>City Square, obviously.</o> <cy>Yeah that one’s pretty public. Ummm… I feel like there’s a building on Queen Street I walked past the other day that’s a replacement.</cy> <o>Why were you on Queen Street?</o> <cy>It’s pink. The building, not Queen Street.</cy> <o>What is it? Like, apartments or-</o> <cy>I mean probably apartments, yeah.</cy> <o>The trees in Carlton.</o> <cy>I really think the tree thing is bullshit! I don’t think they’re gunna replace a whole bunch of - or even if they wanted to, it would take so long.</cy> <o>They’re different! They look different.</o> <cy>Their deciduous. It’s spring. They’re flowering. Of course they look different.</cy> <o>They used to be bigger. And a different colour.</o> <cy>People are just unobservant.</cy> <o>I’m unobservant, am I?</o> <cy>No, I just - Zan! Trees? Really? How would they do it? Like actually think about it.</cy> <o>… … I feel like Ollie’s being replaced sometimes.</o> That’s Zan’s son. She had him really young. He’s the best. <cy>Like that film? What’s that one? With Angelina Jolie…</cy> <o>I dunno. He just - he is turning 15 and that feels like a fucking miracle. Like, 15 is the same age as I was when I moved out of home and quit school. He's not doing any of those things. He's just... continuing to exist... and continuing to be awesome. Literally a miracle.</o> [[I want to tell her it’s not a miracle, that it’s all her…]] [[…but I also wanna riff on that Angelina Jolie thing.]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 20) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 1) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent Neither of us speaks for a while. What Zan has said, it’s like a fine mist in the air, sinking. I become curious. <cy>Do you know why you’re seeing death everywhere?</cy> She thinks for a long time, which is nerve-wracking and also fine. <o>I don’t think it’s just me.</o> <cy>Who else?</cy> <o>No, I think… I think there’s…</o> That’s the end of the sentence. She does this sometimes. “The word spoken is never the word heard,” she says. She doesn’t mind running out of words; she knows people will fill in the blanks for themselves. At some point we are not in the kitchen anymore, we’re in the living room instead. There are lots of sofas that are too well-loved, too low to the ground, once you sit down you’ll never get back up. The piano is in the corner. I sit facing away from it, I banish it. We end up talking, as we so often do, about the replacements. It’s like a game at this point. You try to guess what’s been replaced. Some are easy. <o>City Square, obviously.</o> <cy>Yeah that one’s pretty public. Ummm… I feel like there’s a building on Queen Street I walked past the other day that’s a replacement.</cy> <o>Why were you on Queen Street?</o> <cy>It’s pink. The building, not Queen Street.</cy> <o>What is it? Like, apartments or-</o> <cy>I mean probably apartments, yeah.</cy> <o>The trees in Carlton.</o> <cy>I really think the tree thing is bullshit! I don’t think they’re gunna replace a whole bunch of - or even if they wanted to, it would take so long.</cy> <o>They’re different! They look different.</o> <cy>Their deciduous. It’s spring. They’re flowering. Of course they look different.</cy> <o>They used to be bigger. And a different colour.</o> <cy>People are just unobservant.</cy> <o>I’m unobservant, am I?</o> <cy>No, I just - Zan! Trees? Really? How would they do it? Like actually think about it.</cy> <o>… … I feel like Ollie’s being replaced sometimes.</o> That’s Zan’s son. She had him really young. He’s the best. <cy>Like that film? What’s that one? With Angelina Jolie…</cy> <o>I dunno. He just - he is turning 15 and that feels like a fucking miracle. Like, 15 is the same age as I was when I moved out of home and quit school. He's not doing any of those things. He's just... continuing to exist... and continuing to be awesome. Literally a miracle.</o> [[I want to tell her it’s not a miracle, that it’s all her…]] [[…but I also wanna riff on that Angelina Jolie thing.]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 20) (set: $handSweat += 1) (set: $vanyaContent += 1) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent <cy>No miracles there. Just good parenting.</cy> <o>Don’t.</o> <cy>Zan. Ollie’s the best kid in the world. Granted, sharing genetic material with you gave him a head start, but you’ve also worked really hard. Really hard. And you’re helping him become more his own human every day, and that’s so dope.</cy> She doesn’t say anything to that, she just smiles. I really want to play her this song I wrote.(if: $courage > 65)[ [[And now feels like the time...|Play the song]]](else:)[ [[And now feels like the time...|Chicken out]]]

Current Social Metrics:(set: $courage += 10) (set: $handSweat += 2) (set: $vanyaContent -= 1) Courage to play Zan the song: $courage % Sweaty hands factor: $handSweat Contentedness: $vanyaContent <cy>Maybe you ought to take him to his doctor and dentist, make sure he's still the same kid medically speaking.</cy> I have absolutely no idea why I'm like this. <o>Is that a reference to the Angelina Jolie film?</o> <cy>Yes.</cy> <o>Oh. I haven't seen it.</o> Good one, genius. I really want to play her this song I wrote. But I've been so awkward and dopey all night.(if: $courage > 65)[ Still, I guess [[now's as good a time as any|Play the song]]](else:)[ Still, I guess [[now's as good a time as any|Chicken out]]].

We've been sitting here all afternoon, having a good ol' fashioned YouTube party. Vanya's been a bit shaky, a bit quiet, but nothing out of the ordinary. I'd basically chalked it up to exhaustion from last night. He's basically been playing along today. It's been good to spend this time with him - it's been so long, with him in and out of hospital. Here in my dusty living room, blinds shut against the bright warm afternoon sun so the walls are tinted with film-noir hints and we're all soft and tender in the chill of the white screen. But then we watch this... <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/w5t-CmCwhZo?rel=0&controls=0&showinfo=0" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allow="encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe> ... and he goes real quiet. I'm laughing a little. I'm singing along a little. I'm not looking at him. At first, that's just because I'm looking at the screen. But there's some energy from him, like his silence is very much on purpose. I wait till the end of the video... ... still nothing. I look over at him. [[look]]

His eyes are closed. His hands are shaking. They're shaking a lot. [["hey, umm, what's up?"|first exchange]] [["I know. Vin Diesel is just that good."|first exchange]]

He flinches. His eyes stay closed, I think. He turns away a little bit, scratches his face in this way where I can't see his eyes. [["I'm sorry, was the video ummmmm offensive or...?"|second exchange]] [["come on, talk to me"|second exchange]]

He opens his eyes.(set: $playThru +=1) Thank god. Then he opens his mouth. Thank god. ... only nothing comes out. Not for ages. ... mouth closed again, hands still shaking. Now some other video is auto-playing. It's an ad. A trailer for the new Jumanji film. [["Why are they remaking Jumanji"|third exchange]] [["Do you wanna go home or...?"|third exchange]] [["I didn't know you felt so deeply about Vin Diesel..."|third exchange]]

He does some kind of sharp thing with his breath. Under any other circumstances, you'd call it a chuckle. He finally notices his hands. Usually he'd try to hide them - shove them in pockets or get out his fidget spinner. Not today - he just stares at them. And then he stares at me. And I don't know what to say. I want to say... (if: $playThru < 2)[I'm sorry(click-replace:"I'm sorry")[What's going on?(click-replace:"What's going on?")[Please talk to me.(click-replace:"Please talk to me.")[Should we just go back to the videos?(click-replace:"Should we just go back to the videos?")[Do you need a hug?(click-replace:"Do you need a hug?")[What can I do?(click-replace:"What can I do?")[There's nothing I can do.(click-replace:"There's nothing I can do.")[Is there?(click-replace:"Is there?")[I learned this magic trick the other day.(click-replace:"I learned this magic trick the other day.")[Just fucking say something.(click-replace:"Just fucking say something.")[Where are you?(click-replace:"Where are you?")[ [[I don't know what to do]] ]]]]]]]]]]]](elseif: $playThru >=2)[I started my new job last week. Did I tell you?(click-replace:"I started my new job last week. Did I tell you?")[I'm doing something I've not really done before and I'm scared people will judge me for not being good at it.(click-replace:"I'm doing something I've not really done before and I'm scared people will judge me for not being good at it.")[Please talk to me.(click-replace:"Please talk to me.")[You know, I think about the people on Manus quite a lot.(click-replace:"You know, I think about the people on Manus quite a lot.")[And the people in sub-saharan Africa who are starving.(click-replace:"And the people in sub-saharan Africa who are starving.")[And worse.(click-replace:"And worse.")[And everyone in Shanghai and Miami who soon will be underwater. And the people in Burma and the Philippines and the southern states of the USA and Syria and the Indigenous communities of Australia.(click-replace:"And everyone in Shanghai and Miami who soon will be underwater. And the people in Burma and the Philippines and the southern states of the USA and Syria and the Indigenous communities of Australia.")[And I think about those 1% of people who have the power and the resources to change the lives of all those other people but they don't because of greed or lack of empathy or I don't know.(click-replace:"And I think about those 1% of people who have the power and the resources to change the lives of all those other people but they don't because of greed or lack of empathy or I don't know.")[And then I try not to think about anyone anymore because it makes me too sad.(click-replace:"And then I try not to think about anyone anymore because it makes me too sad.")[So ummm.(click-replace:"So ummm.")[I'm so damned bad at this.(click-replace:"I'm so damned bad at this.")[ [[I just... I feel like I'm going around in circles with you.|I don't know what to do]] ]]]]]]]]]]]]

He's crying. I'm not sure if I said any of that out loud. ... (if: $playThru < 2)[I need a [[back|next]] button. I need to go back to the start. I'll say the right things.](elseif: $playThru >= 2)[I need a back button. I need to go back to the start. I'll say the right things. (live: 3s)[Or maybe I don't. Maybe there's nothing else to say. [[Words don't work here.]]]]

I lie down on the couch. The top of my head is touching his thigh. He knows I'm here. He'll stay. Then he'll go. In between, maybe he'll speak. Maybe he'll shake. [[Maybe he won't.|Survey]]

Yes. It's a message from Kiran. Good to see you last night. And here's another thing I don't understand. Why would a message as simple as that be making my brain work as fast as it's working now? It's certainly not the content of the message. The same message, if sent by, say, Vanya, would have caused me no discomfort at all. I would have responded and put my phone away by now. But it wasn't from Vanya, it was from Kiran. And let's see - it's got a full stop, no emojis, no cute jokes or anything. So it's just a courtesy message? Or is it the opposite - they've written the most nondescript message they can in order to bait me into having to be the interesting one? Well, two can play at that game! I write back. You too. Done. Putting my phone away. They can do with that what they will. [[Where was I?]]

An instant reply: You're probably my favourite person to dance with. (dancing lady emoji) Well, now what do I do? [[How do I respond to that?]]

(live: 0.5s)[ [[Ignore it?|Doctor Walks Through]] (if: time > 0.5s and < 13s)[ [[A simple thank you?]] ] (if: time > 0.5s and < 12s)[ [[A compliment in return?]] ] (if: time > 0.5s and < 10s)[ [[Or maybe I should send them an article or a Rilke quote or something else erudite about dancing as a social ritual.]] ] (if: time > 0.5s and < 7s)[ [[Or this very adorable gif.]] ] (if: time > 17s)[(goto:"Doctor Walks Through")] ]

(set: $text1 to (prompt: "How exactly do I word this?", "Your response")) (goto: "Reception2")

(set: $text1 to (prompt: "But what compliment? What's my return compliment to Kiran?", "Your response")) (goto: "Reception2")

$text1 The perfect response. I can see that they're typing something already, but my attention is taken away from my phone by a doctor walking through the reception area and behind the nurse's desk. She's doing something with the files - putting things away, looking at other things. [[I might be next?]]

(set: $text1 to (prompt: "So what do I send them?", "Your response")) (goto: "Reception2")

(set: $text1 to (prompt: "What's the title of the gif?", "Your response")) (goto: "Reception2")

Before I can think of anything to send, a doctor walks through the reception area and in behind the reception desk. She's doing something with the files - putting things away, looking at other things. [[I might be next?]]

Nope, false alarm. She calls over someone with a thick bandage wound around their arm. More beige walls and- (live: 3s)[=P] (live: 4s)[What are you up to? Since when does Kiran have any interest in what I'm "up to?" I try not to overthink it, and type the first thing that comes to my head: At the doctor's, finding out if I have diabetes, hbu? I regret it as soon as I hit send. It sounds flip, and alarmist, and... well, just rude. [[Where's the delete button?]]]

My phone is ringing now. Kiran is ringing. Shit. Do I have to pick it up? Can I just wait till it rings out? (live: 2s)[(transition: "dissolve")[ [[pick up]] ] (if: time > 14s)[(goto: "noPickUp")]]

I don't feel like I hesitated that long before picking up, but by the time I do, they're gone. Beep, beep, beep. And so now my mind is just whirling out of all control. <yellow>I feel like I have probably "cooked it".</yellow> On the one hand, this phone call out of the blue - but on the other hand... ... ... well, on the other hand, I might have diabetes. And Kiran's phone call has just kicked me straight back into that mental loop, so I've got these two spirals running around each other in circles: What if I have diabetes?(click-replace: "What if I have diabetes?")[What if I have diabetes? What if this is the day I find out I have diabetes?(click-replace:"What if this is the day I find out I have diabetes?")[What if this is the day I find out I have diabetes? Will I have to wear an insulin pump?(click-replace: "Will I have to wear an insulin pump?")[Will I have to wear an insulin pump? How long before they invent the technology that means I don't have to prick my finger every day?(click-replace:"How long before they invent the technology that means I don't have to prick my finger every day?")[How long before they invent the technology that means I don't have to prick my finger every day? I don't want to lose sensation.(click-replace: "I don't want to lose sensation.")[I don't want to lose sensation. I don't want to be sick.(click-replace: "I don't want to be sick.")[I don't want to be sick. Dependent.(click-replace: "Dependent.")[Dependent. I don't want to depend on anything.(click-replace: "I don't want to depend on anything.")[I don't want to depend on anything. I want to be something that needs nothing. ]]]]]]]] Why are they so concerned?(click-replace: "Why are they so concerned?")[Why these two Xes? And do we do phone calls now? Why are they so concerned?(click-replace:"Why these two Xes? And do we do phone calls now?")[I sensed something last night. Why these two Xes? And do we do phone calls now?(click-replace: "I sensed something last night.")[And I liked it. A lot. I sensed something last night.(click-replace:"And I liked it. A lot.")[But then what? And I liked it. A lot.(click-replace: "But then what?")[We become a couple, forget about everyone else? But then what?(click-replace: "We become a couple, forget about everyone else?")[we become a We. We become a couple, forget about everyone else?(click-replace: "we become a We.")[Dependent. we become a We.(click-replace: "Dependent.")[I don't want to depend on anything. Dependent. (click-replace: "I don't want to depend on anything.")[ [[I want to be something that needs nothing.]] I don't want to depend on anything. ]]]]]]]]]

Straight through to the keeper. And again, I instantly regret it. A text message comes through a few moments later. I had no idea, Terry. I really hope you're okay. Call me after? We can meet up if you need. But all good if you need some space, too. xx And so now my mind is just whirling out of all control. <yellow>I feel like I have probably "cooked it".</yellow> On the one hand, these TWO Xes - but on the other hand... ... ... well, on the other hand, I might have diabetes. And Kiran's concern has just kicked me straight back into that mental loop, so I've got these two spirals running around each other in circles: What if I have diabetes?(click-replace: "What if I have diabetes?")[What if I have diabetes? What if this is the day I find out I have diabetes?(click-replace:"What if this is the day I find out I have diabetes?")[What if this is the day I find out I have diabetes? Will I have to wear an insulin pump?(click-replace: "Will I have to wear an insulin pump?")[Will I have to wear an insulin pump? How long before they invent the technology that means I don't have to prick my finger every day?(click-replace:"How long before they invent the technology that means I don't have to prick my finger every day?")[How long before they invent the technology that means I don't have to prick my finger every day? I don't want to lose sensation.(click-replace: "I don't want to lose sensation.")[I don't want to lose sensation. I don't want to be sick.(click-replace: "I don't want to be sick.")[I don't want to be sick. Dependent.(click-replace: "Dependent.")[Dependent. I don't want to depend on anything.(click-replace: "I don't want to depend on anything.")[I don't want to depend on anything. I want to be something that needs nothing. ]]]]]]]] Why are they so concerned?(click-replace: "Why are they so concerned?")[Why these two Xes? And do we do phone calls now? Why are they so concerned?(click-replace:"Why these two Xes? And do we do phone calls now?")[I sensed something last night. Why these two Xes? And do we do phone calls now?(click-replace: "I sensed something last night.")[And I liked it. A lot. I sensed something last night.(click-replace:"And I liked it. A lot.")[But then what? And I liked it. A lot.(click-replace: "But then what?")[We become a couple, forget about everyone else? But then what?(click-replace: "We become a couple, forget about everyone else?")[we become a We. We become a couple, forget about everyone else?(click-replace: "we become a We.")[Dependent. we become a We.(click-replace: "Dependent.")[I don't want to depend on anything. Dependent. (click-replace: "I don't want to depend on anything.")[ [[I want to be something that needs nothing.]] I don't want to depend on anything. ]]]]]]]]]

"Terry Fields?" ... [[I guess that's me.]]

We walk to her office. She ushers me through the door. I wonder, again, why there are two patient chairs. I sit in one of them. She sits in her office chair. She types things into her computer. She asks me how I am. [["You tell me."]]

Later, I walk out through the automatic doors of the doctor's office into the sunshine. It's <yellow>chilly "for the time of year,"</yellow> and I have left the house without an extra layer. Nothing is obeying my expectations. Not the weather, not my body. Certainly not this phone, which is once again ringing, and once again making my heart skip ever beat i.e. stop completely. [[Pick it up in time this time, you idiot.|Survey]]

We all go home. We all sleep. Some of us wake up, get things done. One of us (me) goes to the [[doctor|TerryNextDay]].

When you're doing a direct action to resist climate change, a scorching hot day feels like a sign from whichever god/s you believe in. So although we're hauling all these tools and props through air as thick as sweat, we're in reasonably high spirits, for now. But the Quiet is also settling in. There's always the Quiet, before any protest. As a group, you've had your meetings, made your plans, spread the word. You've all done your assigned preparation, and you've all shown up. You've said your hellos, you've gone over the plan one last time, you've started heading to the site of the protest. You've had some catch-up chats with some mates. And then the Quiet. We're [[almost there]].

I know the plan. But I have to move quickly. We all do. (Player, I'll need your help with this.) I hide my props under my corporate-looking suit jacket, and I head towards the foyer of the big bank. (live: 0.5s)[(if: time > 0.5s and < 14s)[ [[I enter the foyer, as casually as I can.|enterFoyer]] ] (if: time > 15s and < 17s)[TOO SLOW] (if: time > 18s)[(goto:"Too Slow")] ]

I freeze at the door, I'm not sure why. One of my friends doesn't see me stop, and runs into the back of me. We try to apologise to one another like strangers who don't know each other. Like strangers who aren't about to out the corporate headquarters of a major bank on lockdown. [[And then we move through the revolving glass doors.|enterFoyer]]

Inside is cool, bracingly so. Don't realise how much I'm sweating until the air conditioning turns the sweat to ice water. I move swiftly to one of the foyer couches, the one nearest the side entrance to the building, and I take a seat. We have a series of signals worked out. Me, Jeremy and Alithya are meant to all make the same signal at the same time - touching our hair with our hand in a certain way - to make sure we shut down all three exits at once. But the three of us can't always see each other amongst the other people in the foyer, so it might take a few goes before we're each confident that the three of us have seen. So I sit and wait for the signal... (live: 0.1s)[(if: time > 18s and < 18.2s)[ [[Now]] ](elseif: time > 19.2s and < 19.4s)[ [[Now]] ](elseif: time > 24.1s and < 24.4s)[ [[Now]] ](elseif: time > 27.8s and < 27.9s)[ [[Now]] ](elseif: time > 32.3s and < 32.6s)[ [[Now]] ](elseif: time > 39.1s and < 39.9s)[ [[Now]] ](elseif: time > 45.6s and < 46.6s)[ [[Now]] ] (if: time > 47s)[(goto:"DeadEnd1")] ]

Jeremy, Alithya and I manage to catch one another's eye across the foyer. We move quickly. Jeremy calls out to the other protesters to create a distraction on one side of the foyer. Alithya sticks a key in the control for the revolving door, halting it in its tracks. There's an employee caught inside, mid-revolve. People laugh as, head down, staring at her phone, she runs into the glass. [[It's my job to D-lock the side entrance to the foyer.]]

Security have started noticing what we're doing. They're advancing towards us; towards me and Jeremy. Alithya runs. Some of the other protesters scram; others try to swarm the security guards. But they're not fast enough. One of the guards is right in front of me now. "Come with me," they say. "Where? Why? I've done nothing wrong?" "Come with me," they repeat. All of my passive resistance training goes out of my head. I'm blank. I'm aware of the other protesters in the foyer, getting agitated, talking heatedly with the staff. I need to make this easier on everyone. [[I go along with the security guard.|ZanEnd]]

(live: 0.5s)[(if: time > 2s)[I've been pulled away.] (if: time > 4s)[I'm in a room, somewhere.] (if: time > 6s)[Somewhere in the bowels of this building.] (if: time > 9s)[Someone is interviewing me.] (if: time > 11s)[Someone is asking questions.] (if: time > 13s)[I am not answering.] (if: time > 17s)[I don't know why I'm not answering.] (if: time > 19s)[I don't have that much to hide.] (if: time > 21s)[I'm just tired.] (if: time > 25s)["Where did you get the key?"](if: time > 25.5s)[ No response.] (if: time > 27s)["How did you know the floor plan?"](if: time > 27.5s)[ No response.] (if: time > 29s)["How does your group communicate?"](if: time > 29.5s)[ No response.] (if: time > 35s)[At some point they mention that we were in the wrong building.] (if: time > 39s)[The particular executives whose attention we needed, they work elsewhere.] (if: time > 43s)[And in fact, they're out of the country right now.] (if: time > 47s)[They look so smug.] (if: time > 50s)[I'm so tired.] (if: time > 53s)[I speak.] (if: time > 56s)[(transition: "dissolve")[I didn't know we were in the wrong place. I don't know what else to say. I should be scared of you but I'm not. <yellow>I think I feel surface nervous occasionally, like thinking you've fucked something up at work and expect to have your boss say something pass-agg and snipey which she usually doesn't cause she's probably actually a much nicer and less snipey person than you think, but I generally don't feel nervousness on a deeper level, like that heart-thudding loudness in your ears kind of nervous, hardly ever. Actually I don't think I feel many feelings on a deeper level hardly ever. I think that's why I drink so much, for the soaring freefalling letting go. But yeah, also I'm pretty scared about what we've done to the world and I can't really read the news any more and I spend a lot of time pushing away the terror I feel about climate change and sometimes I see things on the internet that make me ache inside with how truly terrible people can be, so I guess then?</yellow> I guess that's when I feel nervous. But you? [[You don't make me nervous.|Survey]](stop:)] ] ]

Jeremy and Alithya have successfully done their part. But as I fumble with the key of my old D-lock (why - WHY - did I not buy a new one?) a security guard approaches. I furiously jiggle the key in the lock, but to no avail. The guard grabs me by the arm and pulls me away from the protest and into [[the security office|ZanEnd]].

I look around. Everyone is in position. We've actually done it. There are security guards and staff pushing through the crowd, trying to control the situation. But there are a lot of us. And now that everyone has whipped out their props and revealed their costumes, it's a bizarre picture. We've turned this Collins Street bank foyer into a giant aquarium. We're here to protest the bank's support of the Adani coal mine in Queensland, and the effect it will have on the barrier reef. And so the protesters were asked to come with costumes and/or props that represented the reef, to make sure that our foyer blockade was not just an inconvenience to the staff of the bank, but a gigantic spectacle for all who came past. Jam packed into the foyer, now, there are crustaceans and corals of all colours, sizes, and craft skill levels. And Alithya has started the chants, which everyone is joining in on. A bunch of humans, temporarily transformed in solidarity with the sea. It's glorious. [[But it's also precarious]]

(live: 0.5s)[(if: time is > 0.5s and < 4s)[ [[I move swiftly. I lock the door. The foyer is secure.|And I D-lock the side entrance. The foyer is secure.]]] (if: time is > 5s)[(goto: "DeadEnd2")] ]

Some of the staff are getting physical. They're trying to shove through the crowd, to get to the revolving doors and turn them back on. Our group are linking arms and chanting louder. None of us are attacking, though some look like they're waiting for an excuse. [[Which they're about to be given.]]

One of the bank employees shoves the line hard, causing a number of people to stumble backwards and fall. The line is broken. And folks are angry. (live: 0.5s)[(if: time is > 0.5s and < 3s)[ [[I have to push through to the centre before a fight breaks out.]]] (if: time is > 3.5s)[(goto: "DeadEnd3")] ] ]

I get there just in time. I get between one of our protesters and the employee. My back to the protesters, I face the employee. I'm trembling, but I keep my voice steady: "This is a non-violent action. None of us are here to cause harm to you. Please do not shove, touch or harm us." The employee doesn't respond with words, only a look. Or it's more than a look; it's like a radioactive pulse that shoots out from every part of her - from her scowling face, her chemically treated hair and skin and nails, the razor-sharp cut of her suit, the spotless gleam of her security fob; and every part of this assault recreated in miniature on her lanyard ID photo. Every part of her screaming, wordlessly, y o u a r e w o r t h l e s s By the time I've recovered from the wither of her look, the security guards have taken advantage of the affray to push the protesters apart, and the woman walks through effortlessly to re-open the revolving doors. The tide of armed forces waiting outside is flooding into what should have been our placid coral foyer. And someone is grabbing me, [[dragging me under and away.|ZanEnd]]

I try to push through, but the foyer is just too crowded. Fighting has broken out between us and them. One of the employees has gotten to the revolving doors and switched them back on. The tide of armed forces waiting outside is flooding into what should have been our placid coral foyer. And someone is grabbing me, [[dragging me under and away.|ZanEnd]]

Before I can think of how to tell Zan about the song though, she's pulled out her phone and is staring at it intently. <cy>What's up?</cy> <o>Ummmmmmm, Ollie stuff.</o> <cy>He okay?</cy> <o>Yeah, yeah fine.</o> She puts the phone away, then looks up at me. <o>I feel like you were about to say something.</o> But the moment has gone. Or was perhaps not a moment at all, just a glitch. But then the glitch is happening again. Because she is staring at me. And then she is standing up. And then she is moving, as if she knew about it, towards the piano. And then she is playing something, which is not my song, but is something. Is music. I could listen to this all night. [[Maybe I will.|Survey]]

Something vanishes between us. Certainty. This - we - are in flux now. Sitting shoulder to shoulder at my piano. And we could kiss or we could hug or she could punch me lightly in the arm or hard in the face or we could giggle, or just sit, which is what we do. We sit. For a long time. Until. <o>It’s really pretty.</o> <cy>Thanks.</cy> <o>No one’s ever written me a song before.</o> <cy>Oh, yeah. Cool.</cy> <o>What do you say after someone writes you a song?</o> <cy>Not much, apparently.</cy> <o>I like whatever’s happening right now.</o> <cy>It’s freaking me out a little, if I’m honest.</cy> <o>Why?</o> <cy>Are you angry?</cy> <o>What? No.</o> <cy>Are you creeped out?</cy> <o>No.</o> <cy>Okay.</cy> She rests her head on my shoulder. And she rests a finger on a key on the piano. Then she moves it. The melody starts again. She presses her keys, I press mine. Easy. Gentle. A circle we can trace with our fingers, [[all night if we need to.|Survey]]

(live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >2s and <4s)[New Year's Eve.] (if: time is >6s and <8s)[A Park.] (if: time is >10s)[An overlapping patchwork of picnic blankets...] (if: time is >13s)[... a whole litre of hummus...] (if: time is >15s)[... and the [[five of you.]] ] ]

(live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >2s)[[[Kiran,|KiranFirstSpeak]] ](if: time is >4s)[[[Terry,|TerryFirstSpeak]] ](if: time is >6s)[[[Garnet,|GarnetFirstSpeak]] ](if: time is >8s)[[[Zan,|ZanFirstSpeak]] ](if: time is >10s)[[[and Vanya,|VanyaFirstSpeak]] ](if: time is >12s)[thinking about the deep stuff. ]]

$firstSpeak asks how we're all feeling about the new year. There's a collective breath in. After all, it's the end of 2017. Anything other than this is surely welcome. But how are we feeling? Someone speaks first. (if: $firstSpeak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranA1speak]] | ](if: $firstSpeak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanA1speak]] | ](if: $firstSpeak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetA1speak]] | ](if: $firstSpeak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaA1speak]] | ](if: $firstSpeak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerryA1speak]]]

(set: $firstSpeak to "Kiran") (goto: "firstSpeak")

(set: $firstSpeak to "Terry") (goto: "firstSpeak")

(set: $firstSpeak to "Garnet") (goto: "firstSpeak")

(set: $firstSpeak to "Zan") (goto: "firstSpeak")

(set: $firstSpeak to "Vanya") (goto: "firstSpeak")

(live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >1s and <4s)[Not far from midnight now.](if: time is >5s)[Time to talk about [[the deep stuff.]]] ]

(set: $A1speak to "Kiran")(set: $kiran += 1)Kiran exhales heavily. <yellow>"I mean,"</yellow> they say, "it's clear that literally anything is possible now, including total annihilation. (click-replace: "total annihilation.")[total annihilation…" Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves. .........."(click-replace: "Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves.")[ ]]So," Kiran continues, "<yellow>if we only have a certain amount of time before we turn into potato chips, or start killing each other for resources and potato chips - then I want to spend this precious time loving the shit out of life. Being only fabulous."</yellow> We all listen to that. And then someone else speaks. (if: $A1speak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerrySecondSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $A1speak to "Zan")(set: $zan += 1)"I fear..." Zan begins. She does a little giggle, she feels that wasn't the right way to start the sentence. But she starts it again, the same way. <yellow>"I fear that it will take even more from me, but I hope it will be the year that I don't think of as another burden. Each year runs past, without break, each seemingly faster than the last. Even Missy Elliot gave us a count of five to catch a breath, but time is a fell sergeant, a harsh officer."</yellow> People are laughing at her now, but not in a cruel way. Still, she blushes. <yellow>"What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what I think about the new year: it's coming."</yellow> That shuts us up a little. Someone else has a go. (if: $A1speak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerrySecondSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $A1speak to "Garnet")(set: $garnet += 1)Garnet is first off the post with the philosophising. "The New Year," they say. "The New Year is <yellow>something that can signal a tying off of the rubbish bag full of all the shitty things you've had done to you, that you've seen done - hell, that you've done yourself.</yellow>" Bleak, but okay. We had to start somewhere. Someone else has a go. (if: $A1speak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerrySecondSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $A1speak to "Vanya")(set: $vanya += 1)"New Year is my favourite," says Vanya, with an uncharacteristic optimism. "It's always good, every year. <yellow>Everyone loves to feel as if they have a blank slate, that they can try again,</yellow>" they wildly generalise. Surprisingly, no one contradicts them. Someone else speaks up. (if: $A1speak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerrySecondSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $A1speak to "Terry")(set: $terry += 1)Terry opens his mouth, and everyone settles in. "<yellow>One preteen New Years Eve,</yellow>" he begins, "<yellow>I stayed up all night in the bungalow of a beach cabin with my best friend and my brother, playing cards. And in the early morning we snuck out and walked along the beach, seeing the sprawled-out-and-sleeping drizzled around burnt out fires and the sweat-and-salt-drenched crouching on branches cradling cans of beer dregs. "Someone called out, 'Hey kids! Kids, what do you think you're doing?' and the diminutive was a hot sogginess flomping around my mind corners. This next year I was going to do something, become a real person with real stories and real experiences. This next year I was going to be the one half-baked on the morning shore, holding someone real's hand with real alcohol and aching feet. We bought chocolate Big Ms from the milk bar and walked back home along the road in the fluorescent glare of the overcast morning.</yellow"> How does he just say shit like that? Everyone just kind of nods for a while. Eventually, someone else speaks. (if: $A1speak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaSecondSpeak]] | ](if: $A1speak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerrySecondSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $secondSpeak to "Kiran")(set: $kiran += 1)Kiran exhales heavily. <yellow>"I mean,"</yellow> they say, "it's clear that literally anything is possible now, including total annihilation. (click-replace: "total annihilation.")[total annihilation…" Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves. .........."(click-replace: "Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves.")[ ]]So," Kiran continues, "<yellow>if we only have a certain amount of time before we turn into potato chips, or start killing each other for resources and potato chips - then I want to spend this precious time loving the shit out of life. Being only fabulous."</yellow> We all listen to that. And then someone else speaks. (if: $secondSpeak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerryThirdSpeak]]]

(set: $secondSpeak to "Zan")(set: $zan += 1)"I fear..." Zan begins. She does a little giggle, she feels that wasn't the right way to start the sentence. But she starts it again, the same way. <yellow>"I fear that it will take even more from me, but I hope it will be the year that I don't think of as another burden. Each year runs past, without break, each seemingly faster than the last. Even Missy Elliot gave us a count of five to catch a breath, but time is a fell sergeant, a harsh officer."</yellow> People are laughing at her now, but not in a cruel way. Still, she blushes. <yellow>"What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what I think about the new year: it's coming."</yellow> That shuts us up a little. (if: $secondSpeak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerryThirdSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $secondSpeak to "Garnet")(set: $garnet += 1)"The New Year," Garnet says, with a sigh. "The New Year is <yellow>something that can signal a tying off of the rubbish bag full of all the shitty things you've had done to you, that you've seen done - hell, that you've done yourself.</yellow>" Bleak, but okay. (if: $secondSpeak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerryThirdSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $secondSpeak to "Vanya")(set: $vanya += 1)"New Year is my favourite," says Vanya, with an uncharacteristic optimism. "It's always good, every year. <yellow>Everyone loves to feel as if they have a blank slate, that they can try again,</yellow>" they wildly generalise. Surprisingly, no one contradicts them. (if: $secondSpeak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerryThirdSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $secondSpeak to "Terry")(set: $terry += 1)Terry opens his mouth, and everyone settles in. "<yellow>One preteen New Years Eve,</yellow>" he begins, "<yellow>I stayed up all night in the bungalow of a beach cabin with my best friend and my brother, playing cards. And in the early morning we snuck out and walked along the beach, seeing the sprawled-out-and-sleeping drizzled around burnt out fires and the sweat-and-salt-drenched crouching on branches cradling cans of beer dregs. "Someone called out, 'Hey kids! Kids, what do you think you're doing?' and the diminutive was a hot sogginess flomping around my mind corners. This next year I was going to do something, become a real person with real stories and real experiences. This next year I was going to be the one half-baked on the morning shore, holding someone real's hand with real alcohol and aching feet. We bought chocolate Big Ms from the milk bar and walked back home along the road in the fluorescent glare of the overcast morning.</yellow"> How does he just say shit like that? Everyone just kind of nods for a while. (if: $secondSpeak is not "Kiran")[[[Kiran|KiranThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Zan")[[[Zan|ZanThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Garnet")[[[Garnet|GarnetThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Vanya")[[[Vanya|VanyaThirdSpeak]] | ](if: $secondSpeak is not "Terry")[[[Terry|TerryThirdSpeak]]] (set: $peopleSpoke += 1)

(set: $thirdSpeak to "Kiran")(set: $kiran += 1)(if: $kiran <= 1)[Kiran exhales heavily. <yellow>"I mean,"</yellow> they say, "it's clear that literally anything is possible now, including total annihilation. (click-replace: "total annihilation.")[total annihilation…" Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves. .........."(click-replace: "Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves.")[ ]]So," Kiran continues, "<yellow>if we only have a certain amount of time before we turn into potato chips, or start killing each other for resources and potato chips - then I want to spend this precious time loving the shit out of life. Being only fabulous."</yellow> We all listen to that. And then someone else speaks.](else:)[Kiran: "Why can't it always be like this? Why do we need to quarantine all our positivity and optimism and energy and goodwill into this two-week period where it doesn't even have any outlet besides throwing good parties and surviving family gatherings?"] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFourthSpeak]]]

(set: $thirdSpeak to "Zan")(set: $zan += 1)(if: $zan <= 1)["I fear..." Zan begins. She does a little giggle, she feels that wasn't the right way to start the sentence. But she starts it again, the same way. <yellow>"I fear that it will take even more from me, but I hope it will be the year that I don't think of as another burden. Each year runs past, without break, each seemingly faster than the last. Even Missy Elliot gave us a count of five to catch a breath, but time is a fell sergeant, a harsh officer."</yellow> People are laughing at her now, but not in a cruel way. Still, she blushes. <yellow>"What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what I think about the new year: it's coming."</yellow> That shuts us up a little.](else:)[There's a muttering coming from somewhere. People turn their attention to Zan. She's in a world of her own, and seems to be singing Missy Elliot's "Pass That Dutch" under her breath. It takes her a while to notice that everyone's attention is on her. "Oh, haha, sorry, it's just a really good song." There's a weird pause before someone gets back on topic.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFourthSpeak]]]

(set: $thirdSpeak to "Garnet")(set: $garnet += 1)(if: $garnet <= 1)["The New Year," Garnet says, with a sigh. "The New Year is <yellow>something that can signal a tying off of the rubbish bag full of all the shitty things you've had done to you, that you've seen done - hell, that you've done yourself.</yellow>" Bleak, but okay.](else:)[It's clear that Garnet is a bit done with this conversation. "Oi, who reckons I can eat this entire jumbo bag of corn chips in the time it takes the fireworks to happen?" Someone else jumps in with more philosophising before anyone can take Garnet up on their challenge.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFourthSpeak]]]

(set: $thirdSpeak to "Vanya")(set: $vanya += 1)(if: $vanya <= 1)["New Year is my favourite," says Vanya, with an uncharacteristic optimism. "It's always good, every year. <yellow>Everyone loves to feel as if they have a blank slate, that they can try again,</yellow>" they wildly generalise. Surprisingly, no one contradicts them.](else:)["Imagine if we celebrated the end of every month the way we celebrate New Year's. Or, like, the end of every day. Like, fireworks at the end of every day." There's a lull. "That would be so expensive." Someone else jumps in.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFourthSpeak]]]

(set: $thirdSpeak to "Terry")(set: $terry += 1)(if: $terry <= 1)[Terry opens his mouth, and everyone settles in. "<yellow>One preteen New Years Eve,</yellow>" he begins, "<yellow>I stayed up all night in the bungalow of a beach cabin with my best friend and my brother, playing cards. And in the early morning we snuck out and walked along the beach, seeing the sprawled-out-and-sleeping drizzled around burnt out fires and the sweat-and-salt-drenched crouching on branches cradling cans of beer dregs. "Someone called out, 'Hey kids! Kids, what do you think you're doing?' and the diminutive was a hot sogginess flomping around my mind corners. This next year I was going to do something, become a real person with real stories and real experiences. This next year I was going to be the one half-baked on the morning shore, holding someone real's hand with real alcohol and aching feet. We bought chocolate Big Ms from the milk bar and walked back home along the road in the fluorescent glare of the overcast morning.</yellow"> How does he just say shit like that? Everyone just kind of nods for a while. ](else:)["That was the last Big M I ever had," Terry continues, as if no one had spoken since he finished his anecdote. "I found out about the lactose intolerance a few days later. Welcome to puberty, I guess." Profound.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFourthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFourthSpeak]]]

(set: $fourthSpeak to "Kiran")(set: $kiran += 1)(if: $kiran <= 1)[Kiran exhales heavily. <yellow>"I mean,"</yellow> they say, "it's clear that literally anything is possible now, including total annihilation. (click-replace: "total annihilation.")[total annihilation…" Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves. .........."(click-replace: "Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves.")[ ]]So," Kiran continues, "<yellow>if we only have a certain amount of time before we turn into potato chips, or start killing each other for resources and potato chips - then I want to spend this precious time loving the shit out of life. Being only fabulous."</yellow> We all listen to that. And then someone else speaks.](else:)[Kiran: "Why can't it always be like this? Why do we need to quarantine all our positivity and optimism and energy and goodwill into this two-week period where it doesn't even have any outlet besides throwing good parties and surviving family gatherings?"] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFifthSpeak]]]

(set: $zan += 1)(if: $zan <= 1)["I fear..." Zan begins. She does a little giggle, she feels that wasn't the right way to start the sentence. But she starts it again, the same way. <yellow>"I fear that it will take even more from me, but I hope it will be the year that I don't think of as another burden. Each year runs past, without break, each seemingly faster than the last. Even Missy Elliot gave us a count of five to catch a breath, but time is a fell sergeant, a harsh officer."</yellow> People are laughing at her now, but not in a cruel way. Still, she blushes. <yellow>"What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what I think about the new year: it's coming."</yellow> That shuts us up a little.](else:)[There's a muttering coming from somewhere. People turn their attention to Zan. She's in a world of her own, and seems to be singing Missy Elliot's "Pass That Dutch" under her breath. It takes her a while to notice that everyone's attention is on her. "Oh, haha, sorry, it's just a really good song." There's a weird pause before someone gets back on topic.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFifthSpeak]]]

(set: $garnet += 1)(if: $garnet <= 1)["The New Year," Garnet says, with a sigh. "The New Year is <yellow>something that can signal a tying off of the rubbish bag full of all the shitty things you've had done to you, that you've seen done - hell, that you've done yourself.</yellow>" Bleak, but okay.](else:)[It's clear that Garnet is a bit done with this conversation. "Oi, who reckons I can eat this entire jumbo bag of corn chips in the time it takes the fireworks to happen?" Someone else jumps in with more philosophising before anyone can take Garnet up on their challenge.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFifthSpeak]]]

(set: $vanya += 1)(if: $vanya <= 1)["New Year is my favourite," says Vanya, with an uncharacteristic optimism. "It's always good, every year. <yellow>Everyone loves to feel as if they have a blank slate, that they can try again,</yellow>" they wildly generalise. Surprisingly, no one contradicts them.](else:)["Imagine if we celebrated the end of every month the way we celebrate New Year's. Or, like, the end of every day. Like, fireworks at the end of every day." There's a lull. "That would be so expensive." Someone else jumps in.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFifthSpeak]]]

(set: $terry += 1)(if: $terry <= 1)[Terry opens his mouth, and everyone settles in. "<yellow>One preteen New Years Eve,</yellow>" he begins, "<yellow>I stayed up all night in the bungalow of a beach cabin with my best friend and my brother, playing cards. And in the early morning we snuck out and walked along the beach, seeing the sprawled-out-and-sleeping drizzled around burnt out fires and the sweat-and-salt-drenched crouching on branches cradling cans of beer dregs. "Someone called out, 'Hey kids! Kids, what do you think you're doing?' and the diminutive was a hot sogginess flomping around my mind corners. This next year I was going to do something, become a real person with real stories and real experiences. This next year I was going to be the one half-baked on the morning shore, holding someone real's hand with real alcohol and aching feet. We bought chocolate Big Ms from the milk bar and walked back home along the road in the fluorescent glare of the overcast morning.</yellow"> How does he just say shit like that? Everyone just kind of nods for a while. ](else:)["That was the last Big M I ever had," Terry continues, as if no one had spoken since he finished his anecdote. "I found out about the lactose intolerance a few days later. Welcome to puberty, I guess." Profound.] (if: $kiran <2)[[[Kiran|KiranFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $zan <2)[[[Zan|ZanFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $garnet <2)[[[Garnet|GarnetFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $vanya <2)[[[Vanya|VanyaFifthSpeak]] | ](if: $terry <2)[[[Terry|TerryFifthSpeak]]]

(set: $fourthSpeak to "Kiran")(set: $kiran += 1)(if: $kiran <= 1)[Kiran exhales heavily. <yellow>"I mean,"</yellow> they say, "it's clear that literally anything is possible now, including total annihilation. (click-replace: "total annihilation.")[total annihilation…" Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves. .........."(click-replace: "Zan finds her mind wandering. Total annihilation… of course it’s possible, but… hmmm… But I have this new sensation... that I won't die for a long while yet.... ... ...I have this new feeling that... there will be many more years to come, many more years... that each feel like little lifetimes in themselves.")[ ]]So," Kiran continues, "<yellow>if we only have a certain amount of time before we turn into potato chips, or start killing each other for resources and potato chips - then I want to spend this precious time loving the shit out of life. Being only fabulous."</yellow>](else:)[Kiran: "Why can't it always be like this? Why do we need to quarantine all our positivity and optimism and energy and goodwill into this two-week period where it doesn't even have any outlet besides throwing good parties and surviving family gatherings?"] But no one has time to answer Kiran. [[It's beginning.]]

(set: $zan += 1)(if: $zan <= 1)["I fear..." Zan begins. She does a little giggle, she feels that wasn't the right way to start the sentence. But she starts it again, the same way. <yellow>"I fear that it will take even more from me, but I hope it will be the year that I don't think of as another burden. Each year runs past, without break, each seemingly faster than the last. Even Missy Elliot gave us a count of five to catch a breath, but time is a fell sergeant, a harsh officer."</yellow> People are laughing at her now, but not in a cruel way. Still, she blushes. <yellow>"What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what I think about the new year: it's coming."</yellow> But no one has time to answer Zan.](else:)[There's a muttering coming from somewhere. People turn their attention to Zan. She's in a world of her own, and seems to be singing Missy Elliot's "Pass That Dutch" under her breath. It takes her a while to notice that everyone's attention is on her. When she does, she looks up at everyone with stony eyes. "Listen up mother fuckers. You have five seconds to catch your breath. "Five, four, three, two, one." There's a brief silence, a bit of giggling. If Zan would have waited just a minute longer, her timing would have been impeccable. As it is, she's not too far off:] [[It's beginning.]]

(set: $garnet += 1)(if: $garnet <= 1)["The New Year," Garnet says, with a sigh. "The New Year is <yellow>something that can signal a tying off of the rubbish bag full of all the shitty things you've had done to you, that you've seen done - hell, that you've done yourself.</yellow>" Bleak, but okay. Before anyone gets a chance to respond, though, they all realise:](else:)[It's clear that Garnet is a bit done with this conversation. "Oi, who reckons I can eat this entire jumbo bag of corn chips in the time it takes the fireworks to happen?" But Garnet's just a little too late with their challenge - before anyone can take them up on it, they all realise:] [[It's beginning.]]

(set: $vanya += 1)(if: $vanya <= 1)["New Year is my favourite," says Vanya, with an uncharacteristic optimism. "It's always good, every year. <yellow>Everyone loves to feel as if they have a blank slate, that they can try again,</yellow>" they wildly generalise. But no one has time to contradict them:](else:)["Imagine if we celebrated the end of every month the way we celebrate New Year's. Or, like, the end of every day. Like, fireworks at the end of every day." There's a lull. "That would be so expensive." Speaking of expensive:] [[It's beginning.]]

(set: $terry += 1)(if: $terry <= 1)[Terry opens his mouth, and everyone settles in. "<yellow>One preteen New Years Eve,</yellow>" he begins, "<yellow>I stayed up all night in the bungalow of a beach cabin with my best friend and my brother, playing cards. And in the early morning we snuck out and walked along the beach, seeing the sprawled-out-and-sleeping drizzled around burnt out fires and the sweat-and-salt-drenched crouching on branches cradling cans of beer dregs. "Someone called out, 'Hey kids! Kids, what do you think you're doing?' and the diminutive was a hot sogginess flomping around my mind corners. This next year I was going to do something, become a real person with real stories and real experiences. This next year I was going to be the one half-baked on the morning shore, holding someone real's hand with real alcohol and aching feet. We bought chocolate Big Ms from the milk bar and walked back home along the road in the fluorescent glare of the overcast morning.</yellow"> How does he just say shit like that? Everyone just kind of nods for a while. And then we realise:](else:)["That was the last Big M I ever had," Terry continues, as if no one had spoken since he finished his anecdote. "I found out about the lactose intolerance a few days later. Welcome to puberty, I guess." Profound. I guess that's the last thing we'll all think about this year:] [[It's beginning.]]

The strangest thing of all is the smells. They’re so specific. You’re walking down a street in the middle of the city, and a breeze comes your way. [[What do you expect to smell?]]

(set: $smell to (prompt: "What do you expect to smell?", "..."))$smell, sure. But what do you get? Lavender. [[Even the breeze has been replaced.]]

That's nothing. Have you seen the motorbikes? They're all the same. Literally, every single motorbike in this whole city is suddenly [[the exact same make and model.]]

I think there's bigger things to worry about. For example, red. They've replaced red. All the things that used to be red are blue. You can't even google "red", all the results are just for companies with "RED" as their acronymn. Real Environmental Development. Rope Engineers' Day. [[Rap Equipment Dealers.]]

... and did you see (either: "footpaths", "all bricks", "a few of the people on TV", "parmas", "footy players", "news articles about house prices") have been replaced with (either: "liquid gold", "feathers", "really good taxidermy", "this new breed of moss", "warm, fleecy blankets")? [[... and did you see]]

[[I guess... I guess that's it?]]

We all head over to this big hill with a view of the city, ready for the fireworks. People are handing out sparklers. Zan encourages everyone to practice their "Ooooh"s and their "Aaaahh"s. Last-minute friends are waving one another over, talking on the phone across three metres of dark crowd, "no over here, no, over - over here." Everyone's got their spot. A few dickheads try to start a fake count-down. No one buys it. They all have smartphones now. Then it's the real thing. Ten(click-replace: "Ten")[Ten, Nine(click-replace: "Nine")[Nine, Eight(click-replace: "Eight")[Eight, Seven(click-replace: "Seven")[Seven, Six(click-replace: "Six")[Six, Five(click-replace: "Five")[Five, Four(click-replace: "Four")[Four, Three(click-replace: "Three")[Three, Two(click-replace: "Two")[Two, One(click-replace: "One")[One. [[Happy New-|The Firework]] ]]]]]]]]]]

[[Maybe it's just a slow start.]]

[[No, it really doesn't seem to be happening.]]

[[I think that was it.]]

[[People start slowly getting up.]]

[[People whisper to their friends.]]

[[Why are we whispering?]]

[[We head towards the edge of the park.]]

[[What was that?]]

[[No one is talking to one another.]]

[[It's not that big of a deal. It's just some fireworks. They're for the kids anyway.]]

[[So why does it feel so...]]

[[And there's this feeling that somewhere]]

[[somewhere else]]

[[but somewhere very very nearby]]

[[it's the real thing.]]

[[The fireworks are bursting for real.]]

[[People are doing their ooohs and their aaaahs.]]

[[People are lighting sparklers.]]

[[Spelling out their names.]]

[[Spelling out 2018.]]

[[Doing love hearts.]]

[[Kissing.]]

[[It feels like it's all happening here.]]

[[All around us]]

[[but invisible.]]

[[Invisible people kissing and oohing and aahing and climbing drunkenly over fences or up into the trees and howling hello to this fresh new year - somewhere else, people are drunk on their second chance.]]

[[Where is ours?]]

[[Did we use all our second chances up?]]

[[Is this it?]]

[[And this-]]

[[-this quiet, this slowness, this single, sticky firework and this orderly queue of concerned citizens exiting the park-]]

[[What is this?]] (live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >5s)[goto: "SurveyEpisode2"]]

[[What is this?|what2]] (live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >4s)[goto: "SurveyEpisode2"]]

[[What is this?|what3]] (live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >3s)[goto: "SurveyEpisode2"]]

[[What is this?|what4]] (live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >2s)[goto: "SurveyEpisode2"]]

[[What is this?|SurveyEpisode2]] (live: 0.5s)[(if: time is >1s)[(goto: "SurveyEpisode2")]]

It's been weird. I thought 2017 couldn't get any weirder, but here we are. Luckily though, it's [[coming to an end.|Picnic Blanket]]