"Oh," Leonard says, disappointment sliding through his voice like sharp glass into flesh. "Oh."\n\n"Oh?" You ask, confused. You did pretty well, you thought. He stayed human, didn't turn into anything weird. Nothing caught on fire!\n\nHe turns back to you with confusion in his face and opens his mouth. \n\nThe doorbell rings. "Not now, Leonard!" You tell him and grab his hand. "That'll be our car!"\n\n"Okay," he says, but he sounds sad.\n\n[[(There'll be time to worry about that later.)]]

"Back off," you say and jump in front of Leonard, swishing your wand. Your spell is WAY TOO STRONG, dissapating all magic within about ten feet!\n\nWitches GASP as their dates fall apart back into whatever they were magicked from. Electra's date turns back into a chicken and runs from the ballroom, clucking loudly. When you turn around, Leonard is back in his hideous suit. His jaw is less defined and he's shorter and wearing that awful body spray.\n\n"Oh no!" You say.\n\n"Oh no?" He asks, looking hurt.\n\n[[(Oh no!)|leonard]]

Don't tell me you forgot about witch prom!\n\nYou really are the WORST WITCH in the school!\n\nWitch prom is the social event of the year, the greatest moment for any young witch! All of your lessons have been gearing up to it for WEEKS! \n\n[[(I was asleep!)]]\n[[(Get on with it!)]]

"I'm going to fail you both for that," Professor Wallace calls, but you two are too busy walking into the centre of the dance floor, hand-in-hand. \n\nYou look into each other's eyes and smile. You're going to be very happy together.\n\n[[Take me back to the start|Start]]

YOU are sixteen years old.\n\nYOU are also a witch.\n\n[[(Great!)]]

"Don't bother," she says, "I recognise you. You're that kid, the worst witch in the school."\n\n"Ouch," you say. That's mean, cat!\n\n"I'm Catherine," she says. "Call me Cath."\n\n"Can I call you Cat?"\n\n"Not if you like living."\n\n"Alright," you say. "Cath."\n\n"I'm your date to the prom," Cath says and takes your arm. "Come on, we need to go back to your place to prepare."\n\n"What!"\n\n"What?"\n\n"You're a girl!"\n\n"Oh come on," Cath is staring at you. You've gone all red. "You go to a school for witches, you just saw me change species and your issue is with my gender? Don't be an idiot."\n\n"That's a good point," you admit. And you do like her holding your arm. It makes your stomach feel like it's melting away in the nicest way possible.\n\n"Right," Cath says. "Lead on, little witch."\n\n[[(And so you decide to take her home.)]]

"How does this look?" Leonard has come round to show you his suit for tonight.\n\nIt's aqua with purple dots.\n\n"Uuuhhh," you say. "Well, we'll figure something out."\n\n"Great!" He says, fastening his lime green tie. \n\n"Oh boy," you say, noticing buttercup yellow shoes. "Oh boy."\n\n"I'm so glad we're hanging out tonight," says Leonard.\n\n"I'm going to make a spell now," you tell him. You wave your wand and before your eyes he is TRANSFORMED...\n\nLeonard gains three inches in height. All of his limbs even out and he gains about a stone of muscle. His harsh body spray is replaced with a subtly musky cologne for a sillage that feels less like being hit in the face with a sweaty wrestler. The colours of his suit slip and slide into cohesion. \n\nExcited to see the spell's effects, Leonard [[(runs to the mirror.)]]

Electra makes to shoot a spell and Leonard tries to knock the wand out of her hand. Her date tries to punch him in the face and he pulls his arms up to defend himself, just as Electra's spell hits him.\n\nAs he's busy tangling with her date, the spell hits both of them. Electra's date turns back into a chicken. Leonard's suave tuxedo melts away, back into his DISGUSTING AQUA PURPLE DOTTED SUIT.\n\n"Oh no," you say.\n\n[[Oh no|leonard]]

"Oh, toughen up," you tell him. "It's just a suit."\n\n"It's not just the suit," Leonard insists. "Without asking me, you changed me with magic! You think it's fine that your classmates tease me for not looking perfect. You're not a nice person, not really," he says. \n\n"No, I'm not," you agree. Because it's true. "Got anymore bomb shells?" \n\n"Yeah," he tells you. "I'm out."\n\nAnd with that, Leonard walks towards the open doors. He walks out into the setting sun by himself, his back straight and shoulders squared. He's so handsome. \n\n"Well," says Professor Wallace. "That's an F for you. You go, Glen Coco. Yet another fail!"\n\nAnd once more you were back to being THE WORST STUDENT IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL.\n\n[[take me back to the start|Start]]

"I'm sorry, Cath," you tell her apologetically. \n\n"It's cool," Cath says and kisses you on the mouth before jumping on her broomstick. "SAYONARA, LOSERS!" \n\nYou, Professor Wallace, and the rest of the very confused ballroom of witches watch her leave. You turn to Professor Wallace, willing to turn over a new leaf. "When can I start being tutored?"\n\n"Not this week," Wallace says. "I've got some stuff on my DVR I want to get through. Maybe next week. We'll work it out."\n\n"Okay," you say, wondering if it's too late to chase down Cath.\n\n"I'll give you your grade for the ball now," she says. "D+. You didn't conjure up a date, but it was super funny when you knocked over Davinia."\n\nDavinia groans. "Oh shut up," says Wallace. "You get an F for whining."\n\nYou consider your choices. "Professor," you ask. "Do you think that with extra tutoring I could turn my whole academic career around?"\n\n"Well," says Wallace. "We've failed you this far my optimistic little friend. What do you think?"\n\nOh boy. Just as well this story ENDS here!\n\n[[(Epilogue)]]

The cat doesn't move.\n\nYou walk towards it, expecting it to run.\n\nThe cat doesn't move. \n\nWhen you get close, it winds its way around your legs. You bend down and stroke it. You like cats.\n\nWhen you bend down to stroke it, it places your wand in range of the cat. The cat bites your wand.\n\n"Hey cat!" You cry and try to take it back. The cat scratches your hand and you let go instinctively. "Ow, cat!"\n\n"Fuck off, human," says the cat, with a mouth full of wand. It shakes its head, says a spell and--!\n\n[[(BANG)]]

You turn around. It's Elenora. "I'm the thing," she says.\n\n"You're the thing?"\n\n"I'm the thing," she says again. "I sent Cuddles to hunt you down."\n\n"Why?"\n\n"Because," she blushes a deep scarlet. "I really like you!"\n\nElenora is possibly the BEST witch in the school! You're the WORST witch! How could she have noticed you? How could she have found time to decide she likes you? "Oh wow," you say. "Geez."\n\n"I think I'd much rather be taking you to prom than a dish rag I granted sentience to," she says, gesturing to her date behind her. \n\n"Oh boy!" Cuddles says, jumping towards the limp looking young man. "A friend!" \n\n"I think I'd rather be spending time with you than with your dog," you tell her. She waves her wand and Cuddles turns back into a dog, the dishy date turning back into a dishrag.\n\n[[(Nice.)]]

Leonard is Leonard again. He looks all around him, at your disappointed face and the shocked faces of your classmates. Electra starts to laugh.\n\n"What the fuck is that fugly-ass suit?" She asks. \n\n"Electra!" Professor Wallace says as she comes over. She looks Leonard up and down. "That is a fugly-ass suit though. You colour blind or something?"\n\nLeonard turns to you. "Is this why you cast that spell? Because you were embarrassed? Because you knew everyone would laugh at me?"\n\nHe looks hurt. \n\n"Aqua!" Professor Wallace mutters behind you. "And look at those shoes! Did he lose a bet?"\n\n"I had to cast a spell anyway!" You point out. "It was only a little because you looked embarrassing."\n\nLeonard looks like he might cry.\n\n[[(Tell him to toughen up!)|Toughen up]]\n\n[[(Apologise)]]

You take Leonard's hand. "I'm sorry," you tell him. "It's an awful suit. But I think you're great."\n\nHe smiles at you. You turn to the rest of the crowd. "Hey," you tell them. "At least I didn't have to invent a boyfriend for myself. I've got someone who likes me already."\n\nWith that, you squeeze his hand and the two of you leave together.\n\nYou walk out into the sunset and kiss. You'll live together for the rest of your lives, completely fulfilled and happy because you're both respectful and great.\n\n[[Take me back to the start!|Start]]

"What?" Leonard blinks and you giggle again. Because YOU CAN'T TALK TO HUMANS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?\n\n"It's witch prom tonight," you explain.\n\n"Oh," he says. "Sure, I don't mind. I'd like to go to prom with you."\n\nHe says something else but you're too busy mentally flying through rainbows on a herd of dancing unicorns to understand him.\n\n"I said," he repeats himself once it becomes clear that you weren't listening, "will I need to bring anything?"\n\n"Just your cute butt," you say.\n\n"Okay," he says.\n\n"And a nice suit."\n\n"Okay."\n\n"And then I'll put the spell on."\n\n"Spell?"\n\n[[(Uh oh, he looks suspicious!)]]

Witch Prom

At the witch prom, every young witch creates a date for herself. The witch who can keep her date manifested the longest WINS the night and comes top of the class! \n\nThe BEST witches in the class will probably be able to create themselves an entire date out of nothing but three paper clips and a snail. \n\nThe MEDIOCRE witches will use a more substansive base, an illusion or transfiguration cast over another living creature! \n\nYOU, being the WORST WITCH, would need an entire human boy to transfigure into prince charming! Even then the spell won't last long!\n\nThere's no doubt about it. \n\nYou need to find yourself a date.\n\n[[(Maybe on the train back from school)]]\n[[(Maybe I'll find one if I walk home)]]\n[[(Maybe I'll hang out in the park tonight and see if I can find one)]]

You still don't know who to take to the prom as you walk through the park. You've picked up a pine cone and tried to change it into a prince but all you've done is given it sentience. Now it realises how much of life it will miss and won't stop sobbing, no matter how much you tell it to shut up.\n\nFrustrated, you throw the pine cone as far as you can amongst the trees and sit down.\n\nThere comes a loud barking noise and before you know it, a little mutt is bounding towards you, the pine cone in its mouth. You know it's the same pine cone because when the dog drops it into your hands it sobs "Why are you doing this to me?"\n\nSo you throw it again. The dog chases it again. This is fun.\n\nThe sobbing pine cone is bringing the mood down a bit so you move to throwing a stick instead. The dog brings you the stick and practically hops up into your lap. That's when you notice the collar it's wearing. \n\nSpecifically, the piece of paper folded INTO the dog's collar.\n\n[[(What's it say?)]]

"Oh yeah," you say. "Nothing too weird. I just need to make you into a prince."\n\n"Okay," Leonard says.\n\n"Maybe a duke."\n\n"Can I keep the title?"\n\n"No."\n\n"Oh well," he says. "It's our stop now."\n\nAnd so [[(you walk home with Leonard, feeling VERY HAPPY.)]]

There's no longer a cat standing in front of you.\n\nThe person standing in front of you is a young woman, slightly older than yourself. She has short black hair and is wearing sunglasses, despite it being evening. Sunglasses and a leather jacket. She is twirling your wand between her fingers.\n\n"Hey!" You say. You're not really sure what else to say. "Give that back, cat!"\n\n"No," says the cat. She smooths her hair back and retrieves a cigarette from her pocket, lighting it. She is HOTTT, like piri-piri sauce on a pepper. "I'm not a cat you moron."\n\n"You were just now!"\n\n"But I'm not just now," she shrugs. "All that matters in life is what you are right now."\n\n"Who are you?"\n\n"Why does that matter?" She counters. "Who the heck are you?"\n\n[[("I'm")|im]]

You head in with your arm looped through his. Elenora from your Transmutation class waves at you and you wave back, but Cuddles is dragging you to the refreshments table. "Chocolate!" He says joyfully. "I can finally eat chocolate!"\n\nCuddles proceeds to eat just about everything on the table, scarfing it down as you stand by, tapping your foot on the ground. "Cuddles," you say finally. "Didn't you have a surprise for me?"\n\n"Not now," says Cuddles. "Eating."\n\n"That's not fair!" you hear Mari from Alchemy complain to Professor Wallace. "He's going to eat everything!"\n\n"I'm seriously not paid enough to care," Professor Wallace replies.\n\nStill, you're getting embarrassed. "Come on, Cuddles! What's the thing?"\n\nThere's a tap on your shoulder.\n\n[[(What the heck)]]

It becomes apparent that Professor Wallace actually expects you to explain. "Oops," you say.\n\n"What are you doing here!" Professor Wallace explodes. "Corrupting my students!"\n\n"I come here every day," you say, but she's not looking at you. She's looking at...\n\nCATH.\n\nCath grins and puts an arm around your waist. "She's my date!"\n\n"What?" You look between Professor Wallace and Cath. "What's going on?" \n\n"Why," says Professor Wallace. "Don't you know? Cat was the WORST STUDENT IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE SCHOOL!"\n\nWhat! A WORSER STUDENT than YOU? Now that's impossible!\n\n"There's no way!" You explain to Professor Wallace. "She's really powerful! I'M the WORST STUDENT."\n\n"Yes," says Professor Wallace. "And super badly behaved. WHY, she's the WORST BEHAVED student in the entire history of the school! She set my hairpiece alight on PURPOSE."\n\n"You're not the worst," says Cath. "You're super powerful, babe. Just your talent is all located in destruction type spells, whereas these wimpos wouldn't dare teach you anything more interesting than bedazzling a folder. Stick with me and I'll help you out!"\n\n"Don't go with her!" Wallace cries. "She's a total douche!"\n\n"I came here to watch my date blow shit up by accident because I thought it would be funny. But allegations against my character? I don't care for. Come on babe," says Cath. There's suddenly a broomstick in her hand. "Let's blow this popsicle stand. You, me, anywhere we wanna go. We can make money by robbing banks and taking prisoners!"\n\n"No!" Says Professor Wallace. "I know we haven't been super great teachers before, but I swear I will tutor you for at least twenty minutes, once a week, to help you master your powers! Just stay. Don't continue to be the WORST STUDENT IN THE SCHOOL!"\n\n[[("Well...I do like money...")|Money]]\n\n[[("I should stay in school.")|schoolovermoney]]

Cath sits on your lap. This is weird. "You're on my lap."\n\n"Oh yeah, sorry," she says moving. "Been a cat for a while."\n\n"Sorry," you say too. "Are you ready for the prom?"\n\n"Absolutely," she says. "Don't worry about casting a single spell. You just save your strength."\n\n"Okay," you say, not really sure what to say. "I'm ready too."\n\n"So let's go already," Cath says.\n\n[[(So you go)]]

THAT'S RIGHT.\n\nYou're unpopular and your hexes never work! The last time you tried to summon a demon from the hellish abyss all you did was summon Joan Rivers! THAT mess took FOREVER to clean up! \n\nThe worst thing is, the WORST THING IN THE WORLD for the WORST WITCH in the school, prom is coming!\n\nWITCH PROM.\n\n[[(Wait, what's witch prom?)]]

The piece of paper says 'KISS ME'.\n\n"Kiss you?" You ask the dog. The dog barks.\n\nWell.\n\nWhat do you have to lose?\n\nSeriously, what do you have to lose? Last time I checked you were absolutely the bottom rung of society. What's going to happen to make THAT worse?\n\nStill, you look around and make sure nobody's watching. Then you give the dog a little kiss on the nose.\n\n[[(The dog is surrounded by a BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT)]]

You look away, your eyes burning.\n\nYou become very aware that the little dog in your lap is VERY HEAVY ALL OF A SUDDEN.\n\nYou push it off and try to stand up, but something has a hold of you, some strange force, some odd creature--!\n\n"Hello!" You hear. You open your eyes.\n\nIn the place of the dog is a young man. A naked young man. \n\n"Who're you?" You stutter. \n\n"Cuddles," he says. "Cuddles the dog! I was sent to be your prom date by," and he puts his hands over his mouth and titters. "Mustn't tell!"\n\n"Hello Cuddles," you say. You look around. A little old lady has entered the park. She stares at you and the naked man in shock and horror before letting out a shriek. "Come on Cuddles, let's get you inside."\n\n"Okay!!!"\n\n[[(So you head home.)]]

Cath hands you your wand just as Davinia begins casting her first spell. It's glittery and sparkly and beautifully performed. You feel bad as your own spell ejects from your wand. It's not so much a spell as it is a wall of raw magical power, forcing the troop of witches back and onto the floor. \n\nThe kingly looking fellow that had been Davinia's date draws his sword and makes to charge; you make a slicing motion with your wand and he's disarmed. Another motion and he comes undone. All of their dates fall apart, the magic that kept them together coming away!\n\nDavinia's date is a BODY PILLOW with a handsome man on it! There's a little frog here, a tree branch there! A squirrel! "Wow," you say. "I'm sorry. I really am the WORST WITCH in the ENTIRE SCHOOL!"\n\nProfessor Wallace rushes over, one hand on her hairpiece to keep it from falling off. Cath is leaning against the refreshment table, holding your glass of punch, watching the entire scene coolly. "Well done, babe," says Cath. You decide you quite like Cath calling you babe. \n\n"You!" Professor Wallace wheezes. "What did you do!"\n\n[[("...I can explain.")|explanation]]

NO IT'S NOT GREAT AT ALL FRANKLY.\n\nYou're not a very GOOD witch.\n\nIn fact\n\nYOU'RE THE WORST WITCH IN THE SCHOOL!\n\n[[(Oh no!)]]

When you get to Witch Prom, everyone is looking at your handsome date. You hug his arm, delirious. You've done so well. WELL DONE.\n\n"Everyone's looking at me," Leonard says. He seems uncomfortable. \n\n"It's okay," you explain to him. "They're just admiring my handiwork."\n\n"I don't like this much."\n\nElectra from your Magical Monsters class is staring at you, her arm around a beautiful, buxom date. "Don't worry about it. Come on," you tell him. "Let's get some punch!"\n\nElectra comes over while the two of you are drinking punch. "I can see right through that awful spell," she sneers.\n\n"Back off," says Leonard, standing in front of you protectively.\n\n"What are you gonna do?" Electra asks, removing her wand.\n\nIt looks like there's going to be a fight!\n\n[[(Defend your man!)|Defend your man]]\n\n[[(Leonard's got this.)]]

"So you showed up!" Davinia says, marching over with her little troop. Over their heads you can see Professor Wallace adjust her hairpiece and glare, trying to work out what's going on. You offer the professor a shrug. You don't know either.\n\n"Hi Davinia," you say.\n\n"Your date is ugly," Davinia sniffs.\n\n"So you're rude and a liar," Cath says. "What a catch!"\n\nBut Davinia is looking at YOU and YOU ALONE. "We want you to leave," she says. "You're useless! You're terrible, you're the WORST WITCH in the ENTIRE SCHOOL!"\n\n"Oh," you say. What is there to say? "Okay. I'll bear that in mind."\n\n"We want you to leave TONIGHT," Davinia says. She and her little troop point their wands at you.\n\n"Oh dear," you say.\n\n"Alright," says Cath. "How about this: all of you duel her. All of you together versus her. What do you think?"\n\n"Stop helping," you tell Cath, but she's not listening.\n\n"Absolutely," says Davinia. "And if we win, you leave!"\n\n"What if I win?" You ask.\n\n"You get to turn them all into frogs," Cath says and grins.\n\n[[(Well...OKAY THEN.)]]

Well, you didn't do too badly. In fact, with a lot of hard work and dedication you go on to become PRESIDENT of ALL WITCHES.\n\nAlso you and Cath are dating secretly. WHAM BAM THANK YOU MADAME PRESIDENT.\n\n[[Take me back to the Start|Start]]

You put some of your older brother's clothes on Cuddles the d- Cuddles the young man. "Now you look good", you tell him.\n\n"Yes," says Cuddles. "I am a good boy. And I have a surprise for you."\n\n"What surprise?"\n\n"You'll see," he says and jumps up and down on the spot. "Wow, I'm so high up!"\n\n"You sure are," you tell him. \n\n[[(Time to head to Witch Prom)]]

You hop onto the back of Cath's broom. "Peace!" You shout to Professor Wallace and the really confused looking witches in the room.\n\nYou and Cath zoom away into the horizon. Together you are the WORST WITCHES your academy has EVER seen! \n\n"Let's go steal some cash!" Cath says. \n\n"Great idea!"\n\nThe two of you live out your days as happy and contented wanted criminals in a beautiful private island. You couldn't be happier.\n\n[[Take me back to the Start|Start]]

It's LEONARD.\n\nLeonard isn't a witch. But he's very handsome. He lives next door to you and goes to the comprehensive near the witch's academy. He's head of the boxing club and it looks like he's been at practise. \n\nYou try to say hello, but you just end up blushing, giggling and waving. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? HE'S JUST A BOY. A very...handsome...good looking...Robb Stark looking...gosh, doesn't he have the most amazing curly hair? And my goodness, those blue eyes...I could get lost in them...Oh my...\n\nAHEM.\n\n"Hello," he says and sits next to you. SUDDENLY you don't feel like the WORST WITCH anymore. You feel like the LUCKIEST girl in the world. Even if he does stink a bit after boxing club. "What's up? How was witch school?"\n\n"Alright," you say.\n\n[[("Also please go out with me.")|gooutwithme]]\n[[("How was boxing club?")|boxingclub]]

YOU SLEPT THROUGH CLASS?\n\nNo wonder you're the WORST WITCH IN THE SCHOOL!\n\n[[(Get on with it!)]]

You decide to walk home.\n\nIs it weird that a witch is walking? OF COURSE IT IS. Your balance is too WEAK for you to get home by broom. Nobody wants YOU dropping into their lap!\n\nTo get home quickly you try to cut through an alley. \n\nSomething up ahead moves.\n\nThere is the sound of an empty can being knocked to the cement ground, a shadow cast high on the wall. You draw your wand, ready to throw it at whoever's up ahead.\n\nSomething sits in your way.\n\nIt has CLAWS. It has SHARP TEETH. It has EYES that can SEE YOU IN THE DARK. It can RUN faster than you can. It is a BORN KILLER.\n\nIt's a cat. It's a tiny little kitty cat.\n\nYou laugh. \n\n[[("Get outta here, cat!")|kittycat]]

"It was good," Leonard says. "I nearly got knocked out."\n\n"Uh huh oh no you don't say," you say. It's hard to listen to anything he says when his eyes are so blue.\n\n"I'm feeling pretty woozy," he says. "Like someone could tell me to rob a bank and I'd probably do it, you know?"\n\n"Oh no oh dear," you say. "Can you come to my house tonight? Dressed up nice?"\n\n"Sure, why?"\n\n"I want you to be my prom date."\n\n"Okay," says Leonard. \n\n"I might do some magic too."\n\n"That's cool," says Leonard. "Can you make me into a wolf?"\n\nSweet beautiful Leonard. "Not yet, but maybe with a few more classes."\n\n"Okay, great."\n\nIt's your stop now. You get off together and [[(you walk home with Leonard, feeling VERY HAPPY.)]]

BLT Green

Everyone at prom is super well dressed. You feel nervous despite Cath's hand on your back. You always feel nervous. This is because you are the WORST WITCH IN THE SCHOOL.\n\nElenora from one of your Transmutation classes waves at you and you wave back. You can see Davinia from Magical Literature with what looks like a king on her arm, giggling away. "Gosh," says Cath. "Don't like her."\n\n"She's not nice."\n\n"Look," Cath points ahead. "There's Professor Wallace!"\n\n"How do you know Professor Wallace?" You ask but Cath is already steering you past the professor's gaze. The two of you head into the ballroom together. Cath makes a beeline for the punch.\n\n"Just about everyone has a good looking date," you say.\n\n"Oh yah," Cath says, pouring the contents of a hipflask into the punch. "Especially you. Well done you!"\n\n"Thanks," you say, and take some punch from her when she offers it because you're ALL ABOUT bad decisions. "Once I turned Professor Wallace's hair piece into fire."\n\n"I know," says Cath. "I've been watching you for a while."\n\n"You're creepy," you tell her, and drink some more punch. \n\n"Sh," she says and points. A few of the other witches have gotten together and are talking in a little group. "What's occurring?"\n\n"Gosh, I don't know."\n\nDavinia is in the centre of the group. The whole heap of them keep looking over to you and Cath. You look down at your shoes so you won't make eye contact. "They're coming over," Cath says, rubbing your shoulder.\n\n[[(Uh oh.)]]

You sit on the train. Thankfully the carriage is empty. You had after school detention after your spell transfigured Professor Wallace's hairpiece into a raccoon and most of the rush has disappated.\n\nDo you think it's weird that a witch has to use the train to get back from school? I DO TOO. LEARN TO TELEPORT LIKE YOUR CLASSMATES.\n\nYou settle in and look out of the window and sigh. Where will you find a date for the witch prom?\n\nThen you hear a voice.\n\n"Oi!"\n\n[[(Who the hell is that?)]]