Sugarcane

YOU GUYS HAVE ACTUALLY MADE A SPECIAL JOB FOR A PERSON TO COME AND KILL US\n\nDO YOU KNOW HOW DEMEANING THAT IS TO A HORNET\n\nTO A YOUNG HORNET GROWING UP\n\nHOW CAN WE EVEN TELL THEM THAT\n\nHEY LISTEN, THOSE ARSEHOLE HUMANS ACTUALLY EMPLOY PEOPLE TO COME AND PUMP US FULL OF ANTI HORNET GAS\n\nOR [[WHATEVER THE HECK THAT IS|heck]]

I'VE TRIED \n\nI'VE REALLY TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HERE WHAT WE'RE ALL ABOUT AS HORNETS\n\nWHAT MAKES US TICK\n\nWE ARE NOT THE LITTLE BLACK AND YELLOW MONSTERS YOU THINK WE ARE\n\nWE ARE SAD AND WE ARE ANGRY AND WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT ANGER\n\nSOMETIMES WE FLY IN INCREASINGLY SMALL CIRCLES AROUND THE LIGHT FITTING\n\nSOMETIMES WE GET INTO A FIGHT WITH YOUR CURTAINS\n\nOKAY SOMETIMES WE STING YOU BUT ONLY BECAUSE WE'RE SCARED\n\nPLEASE [[LISTEN TO US|listen]] PEOPLE

HI SO LISTEN UP\n\nLISTEN UP HUMAN\n\nWHAT THE HECK MAN, I DON'T THINK THIS IS REALLY FAIR\n\nOKAY SO WE HAVE [[THREE|three]] POINTS TO MAKE FOR YOU HERE\n\n[[POINT A|pointa]]

SO YOU MIGHT BE THINKING\n\nWHAT'S THIS GUY'S OBSESSION WITH THUMBS?\n\nAREN'T THUMBS JUST THE THING YOU USE TO PRESS THE SPACE BAR?\n\nWELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, PEOPLE, THUMBS ARE SUPER COOL YOU JUST DON'T APPRECIATE THEM \n\nYOU TRY BUILDING A NEST WITH YOUR MOUTH AND YOUR BOTTOM \n\nONLY THOSE\n\nNO THUMBS \n\nYEAH THEN ASK ME WHY I'M OBSESSED WITH THUMBS\n\nOKAY ON TO [[POINT C|pointc]]

OH WHAT A SURPRISE THAT HUMANS HAVE THE EASIEST EVOLUTIONARY ROUTE\n\nIT'S NOT LIKE EVOLUTION WAS DISCOVERED BY A PEOPLE\n\nOH WAIT IT WAS \n\nWELL THANK YOU FOR THAT CHARLIE DARWIN\n\nTHANK YOU FOR REDUCING MY ENTIRE SPECIES TO A FOOTNOTE\n\nTO A COMPLICATED STRING OF EVOLUTION AND THINGS\n\nYOU'RE JUST LIKE FISHMONKEYSPEOPLE AND WE'RE SITTING THERE LIKE \n\nOKAY THAT MAKES US FEEL BAD ABOUT OURSELVES\n\nYES IT DOES\n\nOKAY TIME FOR [[POINT TWO|pointtwo]]

SO\n\nOH DON'T GET ME TALKING ABOUT THIS AGAIN\n\nSO THIS IS WHAT I HEAR I WAS VERY SMALL AT THE TIME\n\nTHEY WENT OUT TO FLY IN INCREASINGLY SMALL CIRCLES AROUND THE LAMPSHADE\n\nAND THEN A PEOPLE CAME UP AND WAS LIKE\n\nOKAY I HAVE HAD ENOUGH\n\nAND THEY WENT INTO THE GARAGE AND GOT A BADMINTON RACQUET AND HIT MY PARENTS WITH IT\n\nAND THEN SCOOPED THEM INTO A LITTLE BAG WHILE THEY WERE STILL STUNNED AND THEN\n\nAND THEN PUT THEM ON THE HOT PATIO TO SLOWLY SHRIVEL UP IN THAT PLASTIC BAG\n\nMY GOD\n\nI'VE TRIED TO KEEP IT LIGHT HEARTED HERE WITH YOU TODAY\n\nWE CAN ALL HAVE A JOKE ME ESPECIALLY BUT MY GOD JUST SAYING THAT TO YOU I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY WE HATE YOU SO MUCH\n\nWHAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IS [[WHY YOU HATE US|fond]]

SO HERE'S THE THING \n\nYOU'RE SUPER BIG\n\nLIKE, YOU'RE SUPER SUPER BIG\n\nYOU DON'T REALISE IT BUT YOU'RE BASICALLY GIANT\n\nSO WHAT IS JUST, LIKE A HAND MOVEMENT FOR YOU IS LIKE\n\nWOAH OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THIS GIANT SLAB OF MEAT COMING MY WAY IS IT A PEOPLE\n\nWILL IT KILL ME WITH A STICK \n\nSO YOU'RE ALWAYS ALL UP IN OUR FACES\n\nAND YOU FILL YOUR HOUSES WITH THINGS YOU KNOW WE DON'T LIKE\n\n[[CURTAINS|curtains]]\n\nNEWSPAPERS\n\nETCETERA

I'M ANGRY ALL THE TIME\n\nAND I DON'T KNOW WHY\n\nIT'S NOT JUST A ME THING ALL HORNETS ARE\n\nIT'S LIKE A SPECIES WIDE PROBLEM THAT WE HAVE\n\nAND WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MENTAL HEALTH FUNDING (THANKS LOCAL COUNCIL) TO PROPERLY SET UP YOU KNOW, YOUTH CENTRES\n\nSO WHAT WE GET IS A LOT OF TROUBLED TEENS\n\nLOADS OF THEM ARE ORPHANS DUH\n\nSO YES I WILL WILLINGLY ADMIT THAT AS SPECIES HORNETS ARE PRETTY ANGRY\n\nIT KINDA [[SUCKS|sucks]]

YEAH THREE\n\nOH MY GOD IS IT SO HARD FOR A HORNET TO GET A WORD IN EDGEWAYS HERE\n\nWELL IS IT\n\nANYWAY [[POINT A|pointa]]

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THE HORNETS WOULD LIKE TO TALK

WE JUST WANT TO TALK\n\n<<timedinsert 1.5s>>WE JUST WANT TO TALK<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 3.5s>>WE JUST WANT TO TALK<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 8s>>AND ALSO IF YOU HAVE SOME JAM THAT WOULD BE GREAT<<endtimedinsert>>

YOU'D BE JUMPY WOULDN'T YOU IF PEOPLES HAD BEEN COMING AT YOU ALL YOUR LIFE\n\nYOU'D BE JUMPY IF THERE WERE BASHING STICKS ALL UP IN YOUR FACE\n\nYOU'D BE JUMPY IF BOTH YOUR PARENTS WERE KILLED IN A SO CALLED ACCIDENT INVOLVING A [[BADMINTON RACQUET|racquet]]. \n\nAS HORNETS FRANKLY WE HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR OURSELVES. \n\nWELL NOBODY ELSE IS LOOKING OUT FOR US\n\nLOOK IF YOU'D BEEN BITTEN BY A DOG WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE \n\nYOU'D BE SCARED OF DOGS, RIGHT\n\nYOU'D REACT LIKE GET THAT DOG AWAY FROM ME PLEASE\n\nWELL IT'S THE SAME WITH US AND A PEOPLE.

HOLY SHIT\n\nHOLY\n\nSHIT\n\nWHAT ARE CURTAINS EVEN FOR\n\nWHAT ARE THEY FOR\n\nWE GET TANGLED UP IN THEM\n\nWE THINK THEY ARE A PEOPLE AND TRY AND STING THEM\n\nWE GET LOST IN THEIR MYRIAD FOLDS\n\nYOUR CURTAINS ARE LIKE A FREAKING DESERT TO A HORNET \n\nLOOK. [[YOU'RE NOT FOND OF US|fond]]. \n\nI GET IT. \n\nBUT SERIOUSLY MAN GET RID OF THOSE FREAKING CURTAINS.

AND THEN THINK OF ALL THE SHOWING OFF POTENTIAL THERE\n\nYOU COULD GO TO A WINE BAR WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND BE LIKE\n\nI SPEAK LATIN, YOU KNOW\n\nUNLIKE YOU I DON'T HIT THINGS (LIKE HORNETS PAR EXAMPLE) WITH STICKS\n\nALSO I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A RED WINE AND A WHITE WINE\n\nJUST BY LOOKING AT IT\n\nWOULDN'T THAT BE SOMETHING\n\nANYWAY [[POINT TWO|pointtwo]]

POINT TWO GOES LIKE THIS \n\nJUST BECAUSE WE HAVE A THORAX AND SPINDLY LEGS DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE WORTH NOTHING\n\nFOR EXAMPLE WE HAVE AN [[ORPHANAGE|orphanage]] DID YOU KNOW THAT\n\nWE HAVE AN ORPHANAGE IN OUR NEST\n\nALSO A [[KARAOKE|karaoke]] BAR \n\nRECENTLY WE ACTUALLY CONSTRUCTED A MODEL UN AND DISCUSSED [[SERIOUS ISSUES|serious]]\n\nJUST BECAUSE WE MAKE A NOISE LIKE A BUZZSAW BEING PUSHED THROUGH A SMALL TUNNEL\n\nTHAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD EXCLUDE US\n\n

AND I MEAN\n\nYOU'RE HUMANS\n\nYOU'VE INVENTED BASICALLY EVERYTHING EXCEPT TERMITE MOUNDS\n\nTERMITES INVENTED TERMITE MOUNDS\n\nSO WHY SHOW OFF BY SMASHING THINGS\n\nLIKE GO AND SEE A FREAKING BALLET\n\nBETTER YET\n\nGO AND PUT ON A FREAKING BALLET\n\nMAYBE MAKE A PLAY\n\nMAYBE [[LEARN LATIN|latin]] OR SOMETHING\n\n

OH YES WELL AS YOU CAN IMAGINE WE HAVE A LOT OF ORPHANS\n\nWHAT WITH ALL THE HITTING OF STICKS AND STAMPING ETC.\n\nALL THESE POOR ORPHANS WHO WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO THEM\n\nLOOK, YOUR PARENTS WERE KILLED BY A PEOPLE WHO WAS LIKE\n\nI DO NOT LIKE YOUR THORAX\n\nAND THEN BAM NO MORE MUMMY AND DADDY HORNET\n\nNO MORE [[HORNET BEDTIME STORIES|stories]]\n\nWELL FROM THAT POINT ON IT'S ALL FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD AND IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR HORNETS\n\nBECAUSE WHILE I HATE TO MOAN THE LOCAL COUNCIL REALLY DOESN'T GIVE THE ORPHANAGE ENOUGH MONEY TO EVEN GET BY A BIT\n\n

A TWINE GAME\nBY\nA LOT OF HORNETS

OH YES KARAOKE DOES THAT SURPRISE YOU\n\nDOES IT SURPRISE YOU THAT WE HAVE A CULTURE\n\nWE LISTEN TO BOTH HORNET BASED MUSIC AND ALSO POPULAR PEOPLE HITS\n\nWE LIKED TOMORROWS HARVEST BUT WE THOUGHT RANDOM ACCESS MEMORIES WAS OVERRATED\n\nWE CAN'T ACTUALLY SING \n\nWELL THANK YOU EVOLUTION (SEE EARLIER)\n\nSO WE JUST STAND IN FRONT OF THE SCREEN AND MOVE OUR ANTENNAE IN TIME TO THE MUSIC\n\nOF COURSE IT SEEMS WEIRD TO YOU\n\nOF COURSE IT DOES\n\nWELL GO AHEAD AND DISMISS IT [[SEE IF I CARE|care]]\n\n

I'M SORRY THAT WAS RUDE I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY\n\nI WAS JUST TRYING TO GET MY POINT ACROSS\n\nAND IT'S SO HARD WHEN USUALLY ALL WE'RE MET WITH AS HORNETS IS A STICK\n\nOR A PEST CONTROL UNIT\n\nNOBODY EVER SAYS HEY LET'S HEAR THESE GUYS AND GALS OUT \n\nLET'S HEAR WHAT THEIR TAKE ON THE SITUATION IS\n\nSO PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ANY TETCHY SOUNDING THINGS\n\nANYWAY ON TO [[POINT C|pointc]]

RIGHT WELL\n\nDOESN'T IT SEEM TO YOU THAT YOU'VE DRAWN THE LUCKIEST STRAW WHEN IT COMES TO [[EVOLUTION|evolution]]\n\nI MEAN THUMBS\n\nYOU GUYS HAVE THUMBS\n\nSO I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT, WHAT WITH YOUR MULTIPLE TALENTS APTLY DEMONSTRATED IN TELEVISION SHOWS, YOU'D BE A LITTLE GENTLER TO US, OKAY?\n\nWHAT'S WITH ALL THIS SQUASHING\n\nWHAT'S WITH ALL THIS [[HITTING WITH STICKS|sticks]]\n\nARE YOU JUST [[SHOWING OFF|showing]] THAT YOU CAN SQUASH THINGS AND/OR HIT THEM WITH STICKS\n\n

WHILE I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE I'M MOANING\n\nDO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR US TO EVOLVE TO BE HORNETS\n\nWE HAD TO GO THROUGH, LIKE, A BAZILLION REVISIONS\n\nWHEREAS YOU JUST WENT\n\n1.) FISH\n2.) MONKEYS\n3.) PEOPLE\n\nSEEMS A LITTLE CHEATY TO ME\n\nSEEMS A LITTLE "SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE" [[CHEATY|cheaty]] TO ME\n\n

OKAY LET'S TALK ABOUT STINGING\n\nSO I HEAR A LOT OF COMPLAINTS ABOUT STINGING FROM YOU GUYS\n\nTHINGS LIKE GET THAT FREAKING HORNET AWAY FROM ME\n\nI DO NOT WANT IT TO STING ME\n\nWELL LET'S SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT WITH ANOTHER LIST\n\nA.) WE'RE [[ANGRY|angry]] A LOT\nB.) WE'RE VERY [[JUMPY|jumpy]]\nC.) WE REALLY RESPECT [[PERSONAL SPACE|personal]]\n\nSO THAT'S LIKE THE 101 OF STINGING RIGHT THERE FOR YOU\n\nLOADS OF INFO

IT'S ACTUALLY SORT OF SCARY TO BE QUITE HONEST\n\nI MEAN AS HORNETS WE'RE TOLD THAT WE SHOULDN'T BE AFRAID OF IT\n\nWE SHOULDN'T QUESTION WHO WE ARE \n\nWHY WE DON'T HAVE THUMBS\n\nWHY WE'RE ALWAYS ANGRY\n\nBUT ACTUALLY IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT IT'S A PERTINENT QUESTION\n\nDO YOU THINK WE WOULD GET ALONG BETTER IF WE WEREN'T ANGRY\n\nCOULD WE GO UP TO A PEOPLE AND BE LIKE CHECK OUT OUR KARAOKE\n\nCHECK OUT OUR INTERESTING IDEAS FOR SYMBIOSIS WITH HUMANS\n\nI DON'T KNOW\n\nALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU'RE [[NOT VERY FOND OF US|fond]] \n\n

WELL EXCUSE ME I DIDN'T TAKE SAMPLES\n\nBECAUSE A.) WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS, NO THUMBS, HARD TO TAKE SAMPLES\n\nALSO\n\nB.) I WAS ACTUALLY CHOKING AND BEING LIKE GET THE CHILDREN OUT OF HERE SOMEONE GET A DAMP FLANNEL OKAY WHY AREN'T THE EMERGENCY LIGHTS TURNING ON\n\nSO I'M ASSUMING IT WAS GAS\n\nOTHER TIMES OH MY GOD YOU JUST SET US ON FIRE\n\nNOT EVEN GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT\n\nANYWAY TIME FOR [[POINT TWO|pointtwo]]

AS A CULTURE WE PRIZE STORYTELLING\n\nI BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT US DID YOU\n\nEACH HORNET HAS PERSONALLY CONTRIBUTED TO THE CULTURAL HISTORY OF OUR SPECIES IN SOME WAY\n\nMAYBE WRITING PICTURE BOOKS\n\nMAYBE MAKING TWINE ADVENTURES\n\nFOR EXAMPLE\n\nWHAT YOU THOUGHT OF AS, AND I QUOTE "THOSE FUCKING HORNETS MAKING AN AWFUL NOISE AGAIN"\n\nWAS IN FACT THE HORNET OPERA IN THEIR ACCLAIMED PERFORMANCE OF WAGNER'S RING CYCLE\n\nI KNOW COOL RIGHT\n\nI KNOW YOU'RE WELCOME TO ATTEND NEXT TIME\n\nIT'S GOING TO BE GOING ON FOR A WHILE. LONG OPERA. \n\nANYWAY [[POINT C|pointc]]

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH BETTER THE WORLD WOULD BE IF YOU LET HORNETS RUN IT FOR A BIT\n\nEVEN JUST A LITTLE PLACE LIKE, SAY, THE GAMBIA\n\nFIRSTLY WE WOULD PUT IN PLACE INFRASTRUCTURE THAT LET US\n\nHOW TO PUT THIS DELICATELY\n\nENTER INTO A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH A PEOPLE\n\nWE WOULD USE YOUR [[THUMBS|thumbs]]\n\nWE WOULD USE YOUR MACHINERY AND SCIENCE\n\nYOU COULD USE OUR EFFECTIVE POLICY IDEAS IF YOU SO WISHED\n\nUP TO YOU\n\nANYWAY EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER. WE MODELLED IT. \n