These jars are crawling with invisible filth, germs and bacteria and spores and ''contaminants''. If you jam your jam into these jars, you'll find it jarring how fast it goes bad.\n* [[Sterilize that junk.|Sterilize][$sterilized = true]]\n* [[Live and let live.|Seeds?][$sterilized = false]]
You pop a slice of bread in the toaster and [[twiddle your thumbs|Something Else]] until it pops back out. You smear your <<print $consistency>> <<print $color>> jam all over the crispy bread, then take a [[bite|Toast 2]].
<<if $time is 1>>The game is a surreal journey through a fractal universe composed of imagery from //Garfield//. You're not sure you really understand what's going on.<<else if $time is 2>>The game explores the nesting behavior of //Dendrocygna guttata// (the spotted whistling duck). You enjoy the snarky narrator.<<else if $time is 3>>Various parts of your body are replaced by demonic vegetables. Naturally, this leads you to go on a rampage through the city, trailing destruction and communism in your wake.<<else if $time is 4>>In the game, your best friend has turned into a pack of wolves. You narrowly avoid being eaten. You're pretty sure that means you win.<<else>><<set $peanutButter = true>>The game has you making some peanut butter. It's great fun. You really love this game.<<endif>>\n[[« back|$back]]
[[3 months later...|Eat Later 2]]
Luckily, you recently bought a whole bunch of berries. You intended to snack on them, but using them to make jam sounds way better.\n\nYou've got some [[raspberries|Get Jars][$berries = "raspberries", $berry = "raspberry", $color = "red"]], [[marionberries|Get Jars][$berries = "marionberries", $berry = "marionberry", $color = "dark purple"]], and [[gooseberries|Get Jars][$berries = "gooseberries", $berry = "gooseberry", $color = "green"]] lying around.
All of a sudden, you really want some jam.\n\nYou scour the house but are unable to turn up a single jar of the delicious fruit goop. You guess you'll either have to [[go to the store|Store]] or [[make your own|Make]].
You put the jars into a big 'ol pot of water and put it on to boil. You go and do [[something else|Something Else]] for ten minutes or so, then [[grab the <<print $berries>>|Seeds?]].
<<if $time is 1>>A child goes on a journey to save their family, their hometown, and ultimately the world. When they return home, they're no longer a child.<<else if $time is 2>>A man's throat is slit in an airtight room that's locked from the inside. The murder weapon is nowhere to be found. And the room... is IN OUTER SPACE.<<else if $time is 3>>A string of six micro black holes shows up in orbit around the sun, opposite Earth's orbit. They're an ideal size for the Hawking radiation to provide a potential energy source, but no one knows where they came from.<<else if $time is 4>>An epistomological analysis of Gettier problems in the context of 20th century Kantian empiricism. You think it has some interesting points, but you wish it approached the question from a more Hegelian perspective.<<else>>An extremely detailed description of a precise mechanical system for hanging out and telling stories with your friends.<<endif>>\n[[« back|$back]]
Mold. The friends are mold.\n\n<<back>>
* [[Check Twitter.|Twitter]]\n* [[Read a book.|Book]]\n* [[Play a Twine game.|Twine]]<<silently>>\n<<set $time += 1>>\n<<if $time > 6>><<set $time = 1>><<endif>>\n<<set $back = previous()>>\n<<endsilently>>
You pour in a considerable amout of sugar and boil the berry goop <<if $split>>until the whole <<print $berries>> become sufficiently squooshified, which takes<<else>>for<<endif>> about five minutes, then spoon a dollop out and plop it down on a cool plate.\n\nYou push the dollop around a little. It's pretty runny.\n* [[I like my jam like I like my track and field athletes: runny.|Done Boiling][$consistency = "runny"]]\n* [[I like my jam like I like your skull: thick.|Boil More]] Oh snap.\n* [[I like my games like I like my Twitter feed: not including terrible jokes that have more in common with a paint-by-numbers kit than they do with actual humor.|You Lose]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $split = false>>\n<<set $postMash = "Joint Post-Mash">>\n<<endsilently>>You pour all your <<print $berries>> into a pot and turn the heat to medium. You can add some [[lemon juice|Lemon Juice]], or just [[start mashing|Mash][$color = "brown"]] the berries.
<<silently>>\n<<set $split = true>>\n<<set $postMash = "Split Post-Mash">>\n<<endsilently>>You pull out half of your stock of <<print $berries>> and put them into a pot over medium heat. You can add some [[lemon juice|Lemon Juice]], or just [[start mashing|Mash][$color = "brown"]] the berries.
You pour the berry mush through a sieve into a bowl. The juice drains through pretty quickly. After that's done, you grab your trusty [[wooden spoon|Wooden Spoon]] and squish the pulp through as well, leaving only the seeds sitting in the sieve, all alone.\n\nYou pour it all back into the pot, and [[add the rest of the <<print $berries>>|Boil]].
You [[entertain yourself|Something Else]] for a while, then open up one of your brand-new jars of jam.\n<<display "How to Eat a Jam">>
You've waited this long to try your jam, and you'll probably die if you wait any longer. There's simply no time to put it on anything or make something with it. You open a jar and spoon the <<print $consistency>> <<print $color>> jam directly into your mouth. It's sweet and fruity and sticky and amazing.\n\n''You Win''<<if $store>>, but can you really call it victory?<<endif>>
Really? This is a game about //making// jam, not buying it. That would sort of defeat the purpose.\n* [[Okay sure I'll make it.|Make]]\n* [[That seems like so much effort.|Store 2]]
You grab a potato masher and just GO TO TOWN on those berries.
It's everything you hoped it would be and more. The sweet fruit of the jam contrasts deliciously with the nutty flavor of the whole wheat bread.\n\nYou devour the rest of the toast and sit back in your chair, happy with a jam well done.\n\n''You Win''<<if $store>>, but can you really call it victory?<<endif>>
Game Jam Jam Game
<<if not $sterilized>>All right, it's your jam.\n\n<<endif>><<if $berry eq "gooseberry">><<display "Joint Mash">><<else>>It's almost time to start splorching up all the <<print $berries>>. But first, you think about how much you like seeds in your jam.\n* [[I love seeds so much I can't //seed// how anyone wouldn't want to eat them.|Joint Mash]]\n* [[Seeds are fine, but I could pro//seed// with or without them.|Split Mash]]\n* [[I hate seeds so much they make me //seed//the with anger.|Jelly]]\n* [[I don't care about seeds, I just hate puns.|You Lose]]<<endif>>
You invite a few of your friends over to your house to "hang out". As soon as they arrive you dip your hand into a jar of jam and start smearing it on them. After initially being rather taken aback, they get into it and grab their own jars.\n\nA full-on battle ensues. Jam is thrown, hostages are taken. Your entire apartment is coated in <<print $berry>> goop. By the time the jars are empty, everyone's sitting on the ground, hair clumped together with sticky fruit, giggling uncontrollably and licking their hands.\n\n''You Win''<<if $store>>, but can you really call it victory?<<endif>>
<<if $consistency is "runny">>The jam is already the right consistency, so you take it off the heat.\n\n<<endif>>You did it! You made jam!\n\nYou pour the jam from the pot into your <<if $sterilized>>sterile<<else>>filthy<<endif>> jars and seal them up tight.\n* [[All this jamming makes me want jam more than ever|Eat Now]].\n* [[All this jamming makes me kind of sick of jam|Eat Later]].
I think you're looking for Game Jelly Jelly Game. This game is about jam, and jam has seeds. That's sort of the whole point.\n\n[[Okay, I'll //seed// the point.|previous()]]
<<display "Mash Prefix">>\n\n[[Oosh|Mash 2]]
Her name is "Spoonelia".\n\n<<back>>
You decide to whip up a batch of thumbprint cookies and put your <<print $consistency>> <<print $color>> jam in the prints. You had so much fun making the jam that you're itching to make more food, and cookies sound like a great food to make.\n\nUnfortunately this is a game about jam, not a game about cookies, so I don't know what happens with them.\n\nI'm sure they're great, though. I'm sure you share them with your friends and in your bonding over delicious baked goods become closer and more dear to one another.\n\n''You Win''<<if $store>>, but can you really call it victory?<<endif>>
''3 months later...''\n\nYou remember that time a while ago that you made some jam, and wow, jam sounds really good right now. You open up one of the jars you squirreled away.<<if $sterilized>>\n<<display "How to Eat a Jam">><<else>>\n\nThe jam has made a whole bunch of [[friends|Quote Unquote Friends]]. You don't really want to eat it anymore.\n\n''You Lose''<<endif>>
<<display "Mash Prefix">>\n\nOosh goosh!\n\nSmoosh bloosh!\n\nThe <<print $berries>> are thoroughly mashed. Good job! Now you can put them on to [[boil|Boil]].
<<if $peanutButter>>You grab the jar of peanut butter you made in the Twine game<<else>>You get out a jar of [[peanut butter|Peanut Butter]]<<endif>> and slice up some bread. The peanut butter goes on one side and your <<print $consistency>> <<print $color>> jam goes on the other. Sandwich made, you sink in your teeth and discover that [[PB&J|Jam Not Jelly]]s taste way better if you know you made the jam all on your own.\n\n''You Win''<<if $store>>, but can you really call it victory?<<endif>>
<<display "Mash Prefix">>\n\nOosh goosh!\n\nSmoosh bloosh!\n\nThe <<print $berries>> are thoroughly mashed. Good job! You let them sit and cook for five minutes and go do [[something short|Something Else]]. Once they're done, you can [[strain out the seeds|Strain]].
You boil the jam for a couple more minutes, to get it to just the goopy consistency you like.\n\nGoopy like [[you|Boil More 3]].
You boil the jam for a couple more minutes, to get it to just the goopy consistency you like.\n\nGoopy like ''you''.\n\nBecause you don't [[bathe|Boil More 4]] enough. You're all sticky and gross.
Before you get jamming, you'll need something to jam the jam into. \n\nYou pull out a few empty jars from the pantry. They look pretty clean. But [[they're not|Gross Jars]].
You go to the store. They have a whole lot of jam, none of which was lovingly crafted by your own hands.\n* [[Go back home and make the jam yourself.|Make]]\n* [[Buy boring strawberry jam.|Store 3][$berry = "strawberry", $berries = "strawberries", $color = "red"]]\n* [[Buy boring apricot jam.|Store 3][$berry = "apricot", $berries = "apricots", $color = "orange"]]\n* [[Buy boring cherry jam.|Store 3][$berry = "cherry", $berries = "cherries", $color = "red"]]\n* [[Buy boring blackberry jam.|Store 3][$berry = "blackberry", $berries = "blackberries", $color = "dark purple"]].\n* [[Buy boring cranberry jam.|Store 3][$berry = "cranberry", $berries = "cranberries", $color = "red"]]\n* [[Buy boring plum jam.|Store 3][$berry = "plum", $berries = "plums", $color = "red"]]\n* [[Buy boring grape jam.|Store 3][$berry = "grape", $berries = "grapes", $color = "purple"]]
You boil the jam for a couple more minutes, to get it to just the goopy consistency you like.\n\nGoopy like ''you''.\n\nBecause you don't bathe enough. You're all sticky and gross.\n\nTwo can play at the burn game, [[pal|Boil More 5]].
[[Anyway.|Done Boiling]]
<<if $time is 1>>Kitty kitty kitty!<<else if $time is 2>>Everybody hates everybody else.<<else if $time is 3>>I can't figure out who they're subtweeting.<<else if $time is 4>>You cannot possibly actually believe that.<<else>>What a cute selfie!<<endif>>\n[[« back|$back]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $store = true>>\n<<set $consistency = "boring">>\n<<endsilently>>You buy some utterly boring <<print $berry>> jam. It's not home-made at all. You could have had fun cooking up your own jam but you decided not to. You decided to take the easy route. I hope you can live with yourself.\n<<display "How to Eat a Jam">>
''You Lose''\n\nYou have failed to make jam on account of being no fun at all. Everyone knows only fun people can make jam.
You squeeze a lemon and pour the juice into your vat of <<print $berries>>. This will help the jam retain its color rather than going brown, and it'll lend it a sprightly flavor.\n\nThe juice mixes in as you [[mash up the berries|Mash]].
You open up one of your newly-sealed jam jars and, unable to contain your jamlust, start spooning it directly into your mouth. Without even a few seconds to sit on bread and cool down, it's still practically boiling as it enters your mouth, and you burn your tongue pretty bad.\n\nThis doesn't deter you in the least. You just keep jamming the <<print $consistency>> <<print $color>> jam.\n\nYou think you feel blisters forming inside your mouth, but all that matters is the jam. The spoon isn't jamming you fast enough, so you toss it to the side and start scooping the jam out of the jar with your bare hands. When you exhaust this jar, you open the next one, and the one after that.\n\nFinally all the jam is gone, and you sprawl on the floor. You're exhausted, covered in <<print $berry>> smears, and in considerable pain from the second-degree burns you suffered on your hands, mouth, and esophagus. You need to go to the hospital very soon or you might die. But at least you got your jam.\n\n''You... Win?''
<<display "Mash Prefix">>\n\nOosh goosh!\n\nSmoosh [[bloosh|$postMash]]!
You didn't make the peanut butter, though.\n\n<<back>>
<<display "Mash Prefix">>\n\nOosh goosh!\n\n[[Smoosh|Mash 4]]
<<display "Mash Prefix">>\n\nOosh [[goosh|Mash 3]]!
<<set $consistency = "thick">>You boil the jam for a couple more minutes, to get it to just the [[goopy|Boil More 2]] consistency you like.
Nathan Weizenbaum\nwith Liz Cady
* [[Spread the jam on toast.|Toast]]\n* [[Make a PB&J.|PB&J]]\n* [[Make thumbprint cookies.|Cookies]]\n* [[Eat the jam straight.|Mouth]]\n* [[Spread the jam on your friends.|Friends]]
The jam is pretty hot. You probably want to let it cool off before you eat it.\n* [[My burning desire to consume jam is stronger than my desire not to consume burning jam|Eat NOW]].\n* [[Fine fine fine I'll wait|Eat Soon]].
"Peanut butter and jam", not "peanut butter and jelly". Because you made it with jam. Obviously.\n\n<<back>>