''//Welcome to Petting Zoo Tycoon: Chapter Zero!//''
You are standing in front of the Townsville First Municipal Bank. It's a short, squad building with tinted windows, built from the same ruddy brown brickwork as every building in Townsville.
It's also one of the few buildings in the area not significantly damaged in the recent spate of earthquakes.
Tucked under your arm is a clearfile folder, full of the documents you hope will secure you a loan to start your dream business: a petting zoo for children.
(set: $inspections to 0)(set: $rude to 0)
[[Enter the bank.|waiting1]]
As you enter the bank, the clock reads 9:58 AM. You're right on time.
You approach a teller. She's in her mid-thirties, clad according to the bank's nondescript dress code, wearing a name badge that reads "LAURA."
"Hi. Welcome to First Municipal. How can I help?"
''Hi. My name's Harper DeRezny. I had an loan appointment to see...I can't remember his name. Your business banker?''
"Charlie?"
''That's the one--''
"Charlie's busy. You'll have to wait."
''Oh. My appointment's at ten. What's he busy with?''
"He's got important business to attend to. You'll wait until Charlie is ready."
[[Sit down to wait.|waiting2]]
[[Demand to see Charlie now.|waiting2_rude]]
''I'll just take a seat then.''
"Uh-huh."
You take a seat and wait. Fifteen minutes pass. You entertain yourself by playing a match-three game on your mobile phone.
An important-looking man in an expensive suit enters the front door. He greets Laura with a smile and a pair of finger-guns, then enters an office labelled "MANAGER."
[[Wait patiently.|waiting3]]
[[Ask to see the manager.|waiting3_rude]]
A further seventeen minutes pass. You listen to some music.
Finally, the door to Charlie's office opens. Charlie is scrawny and in his twenties, possessed of the confidence of a rhinoceros.
//Harper DeRenzy?//
''DeRezny.''
You get up to follow Charlie into his office.
[[Enter the office.|interview1]]
Charlie plops down in a seat behind his desk and motions for you to have a seat.
//Harper. Harper, Harper, Harper. DeRenzy.//
''DeRezny.''
//Right. So what have we got here? What am I doing for you?//
''I'm applying for a business loan. I've got my documentation here--''
//I'm gonna stop you right there, Harper. I have a sixth sense about these things. Tell me what your business is and I'll tell you whether you deserve a loan.//
Charlie stares at you expectantly.
''Well, it's a sort of a petting zoo.''
Charlie frowns.
//A petting zoo? Why the hell would you want to open a petting zoo?//
[[For the kids.|q1kids]]
[[For the animals.|q1animals]]
[[For myself.|q1myself]]
[[For the money.|q1money]]
(if: (history:) contains "waiting2_rude" and (history:) contains "waiting3_rude")[(set: $rude to 1)]
''After all that's been going on, I think the kids in this city need a break. You haven't seen true joy until you've seen a child patting a new type of animal for the first time. It's magic.''
//We don't usually give out loans for "magic." Magic isn't real. Money is.//
''I know. I just meant --''
//Okay. Now, look. I'm gonna level with you here, Harper. Most of the loans we give out go to proven ideas. Cafes. Restaurants. Book stores. Well, maybe not book stores these days.//
''That's a shame.''
//Point is, does Townsville really need a petting zoo? And how are you even going to run this thing?//
[[Buy some land.|q2land]]
[[Convert a warehouse.|q2warehouse]]
[[Put some animals in a truck.|q2truck]]
[[Run it out of my own house.|q2house]]
''I can't stand to see farm animals being killed. The idea is that I'll rescue them and let them live out their lives happily.''
//Let 'em die of old age.//
''It's better than an axe to the head.''
//Okay. Now, look. I'm gonna level with you here, Harper. Most of the loans we give out go to proven ideas. Cafes. Restaurants. Book stores. Well, maybe not book stores these days.//
''That's a shame.''
//Point is, does Townsville really need a petting zoo? And how are you even going to run this thing?//
[[Buy some land.|q2land]]
[[Convert a warehouse.|q2warehouse]]
[[Put some animals in a truck.|q2truck]]
[[Run it out of my own house.|q2house]]
''I'll be honest with you - I've been suffering from depression lately. It's been really tough. And the two things that make me happiest are animals and kids, so...''
//So have a kid and get a dog. It's not my problem you're feeling bummed out.//
''But I think I can make this work. Spread the love a little.''
//Okay. Now, look. I'm gonna level with you here, Harper. Most of the loans we give out go to proven ideas. Cafes. Restaurants. Book stores. Well, maybe not book stores these days.//
''That's a shame.''
//Point is, does Townsville really need a petting zoo? And how are you even going to run this thing?//
[[Buy some land.|q2land]]
[[Convert a warehouse.|q2warehouse]]
[[Put some animals in a truck.|q2truck]]
[[Run it out of my own house.|q2house]]
''Kids love animals. We know that, right?''
//Sure.//
''And parents love their kids.''
//I guess.//
''There's a lot of money to be made out there, Charlie. If you build the petting zoo, the children will come. And they'll bring their parents' money.''
//Okay. Now, look. I'm gonna level with you here, Harper. Most of the loans we give out go to proven ideas. Cafes. Restaurants. Book stores. Well, maybe not book stores these days.//
''That's a shame.''
//Point is, does Townsville really need a petting zoo? And how are you even going to run this thing?//
[[Buy some land.|q2land]]
[[Convert a warehouse.|q2warehouse]]
[[Put some animals in a truck.|q2truck]]
[[Run it out of my own house.|q2house]]
''I've got an eye on a bit of land just outside the city. So I buy that, build the basic structures I need, then we're off to the races.''
//And you think kids will be able to drag their parents out into the country?//
''Hell, //I'd// go out to the country if pattable animals were on the cards.''
//Of course you would. But what about normal people? Fuck it. Say I give you the benefit of the doubt. You got any collateral for me?//
[[My house.|q3house]]
[[My car.|q3car]]
[[My stocks.|q3stocks]]
[[My vinyl collection.|q3vinyl]]
''There's a warehouse that's up for lease a few blocks from here. I figure there's enough space for at least a few animals in there. We can do it up nice, get some natural light in there, grow some plants - it'll be great.''
//A warehouse. Full of animals.//
''I think it'll work. It'll take some doing, but it'll work.''
//Yeah. Real money pit scenario. So say I give you the benefit of the doubt. You got any collateral for me?//
[[My house.|q3house]]
[[My car.|q3car]]
[[My stocks.|q3stocks]]
[[My vinyl collection.|q3vinyl]]
''Okay - this is the really exciting part. I'm going to buy a big shipping truck and do up the inside to transport animals. We'll borrow them from local farms and set up, like, a pop-up petting zoo. Different location each time. It'll be great.''
//Like a food truck.//
''But for patting. Not eating.''
//Uh-huh. Magic. So say I give you the benefit of the doubt. You got any collateral for me?//
[[My house.|q3house]]
[[My car.|q3car]]
[[My stocks.|q3stocks]]
[[My vinyl collection.|q3vinyl]]
''So my house is in a really great location...''
//Hold on. You're gonna run a petting zoo...out of your house?//
''Yeah! The animals can live in my backyard, or inside if they get cold and don't poop everywhere, and I'll just run it like that. Make it a neighbourhood thing.''
//You got zoning permission for that?//
''This is going to be a really modest business. I don't think it'll be an issue.''
//You clearly haven't thought this through. But say I give you the benefit of the doubt. You got any collateral for me?//
[[My house.|q3house]]
[[My car.|q3car]]
[[My stocks.|q3stocks]]
[[My vinyl collection.|q3vinyl]]
Q3A1 response, interrupted.
''I suppose the thing I have that's worth the most is my house. I'd be loath to part with it, but--''
(if: (history:) contains "q2house")[//Will the house include the animals you purchase with the loan?//
''I guess it'll--''
]Before you can finish, the office door bursts open. Bob, the manager, sticks his head in the door.
"Hey, Chucky!"
//Bob! What can I do you for?//
Bob fires finger guns at Charlie. Charlie reciprocates. They share the smug grin shared only by people who've made each other a lot of money. Bob looks down to you.
"Hi! Can I borrow ol' Chuck-a-roony here for just a sec?"
''I--''
//Sure thing, Bob!//
Charlie leaps up from his chair and bolts for the door. He almost gets out the door before turning back to you.
//Just hold tight there, uh, whatever your name is. I'll be right back.//
[[Excuse Charlie.|office]]
''There's a classic car of my dad's that's been sitting in my garage for a long while. It doesn't run at the moment, but a collecter would--''
Before you can finish, the office door bursts open. Bob, the manager, sticks his head in the door.
"Hey, Chucky!"
//Bob! What can I do you for?//
Bob fires finger guns at Charlie. Charlie reciprocates. They share the smug grin shared only by people who've made each other a lot of money. Bob looks down to you.
"Hi! Can I borrow ol' Chuck-a-roony here for just a sec?"
''I--''
//Sure thing, Bob!//
Charlie leaps up from his chair and bolts for the door. He almost gets out the door before turning back to you.
//Just hold tight there, uh, whatever your name is. I'll be right back.//
[[Excuse Charlie.|office]]
''When my father died, he left me a lot of stocks. I've been holding on to them for quite a--''
Before you can finish, the office door bursts open. Bob, the manager, sticks his head in the door.
"Hey, Chucky!"
//Bob! What can I do you for?//
Bob fires finger guns at Charlie. Charlie reciprocates. They share the smug grin shared only by people who've made each other a lot of money. Bob looks down to you.
"Hi! Can I borrow ol' Chuck-a-roony here for just a sec?"
''I--''
//Sure thing, Bob!//
Charlie leaps up from his chair and bolts for the door. He almost gets out the door before turning back to you.
//Just hold tight there, uh, whatever your name is. I'll be right back.//
[[Excuse Charlie.|office]]
''I don't have much to my name, but my vinyl collection has a lot of rare--''
Before you can finish, the office door bursts open. Bob, the manager, sticks his head in the door.
"Hey, Chucky!"
//Bob! What can I do you for?//
Bob fires finger guns at Charlie. Charlie reciprocates. They share the smug grin shared only by people who've made each other a lot of money. Bob looks down to you.
"Hi! Can I borrow ol' Chuck-a-roony here for just a sec?"
''I--''
//Sure thing, Bob!//
Charlie leaps up from his chair and bolts for the door. He almost gets out the door before turning back to you.
//Just hold tight there, uh, whatever your name is. I'll be right back.//
[[Excuse Charlie.|office]]
(unless: (history:) contains "office")[You are now alone in Charlie's office.
You look around and wonder what kind of person Charlie is.
Heck, you could probably get away with having a sneaky peek at some of the stuff in here. If you wanted to. ]The office is yours for the searching.
(if: $inspections < 2)[You probably don't have much time, but you think you can have a look at a couple things in the office.](if: $inspections is 2)[The voices outside grow nearer - better hurry up.]
[[Wait for Charlie to come back|justwait]]
[[Read his email|email]]
[[Check his search history|history]]
[[Look at his wall decorations|walls]]
[[Snoop through his desk drawers|drawer]]
[[Rifle through his trash|trash]]
(set: $inspections to it + 1)You open up Charlie's email client and browse through his messages.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: Your pool plans
BODY: Hi Sandra - Plans look good, but I got a few tiny tweaks to make to the central fountain area. You free at 10? I'll give you a call. Peace - Charlie.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: lol Laura
BODY: Yeah man. Definitely on my bang list. Tough nut to crack though. But I'll get into her vault soon enough, haha. Chuck
(if: (history:) contains "history")[''Yep. This guy's straight-up a disgusting stalker douchebag.''
]FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Tall Poppies
BODY: Bring the poppies at midday. Bus stop by the Dancing Zebra. $$$ wired upon receipt. Don't be late. - X.
(if: (history:) contains "drawer")[''Tall Poppies? That folder in the desk - Charlie seems to be selling government secrets...''
](if: $inspections < 3)[[[Inspect something else.|office]]](if: $inspections is 3)[[[Inspect something else.|return]]]
(set: $inspections to it + 1)You open up Charlie's web browser and look at the search history.
In between obviously work-related searches - business names, banking terms, conversions, and the like - are a few notable standouts:
"how to add fractions"
"bank teller porn" (if: (history:) contains "email")[''
Oh dear. Charlie's obsession with Laura could be a problem.'']
"watch latest movies free"
(if: $inspections < 3)[[[Inspect something else.|office]]](if: $inspections is 3)[[[Inspect something else.|return]]]
(set: $inspections to it + 1)You browse through the items hanging on Charlie's office walls.
There's a degree certificate: a BBM from a university you've never heard of.
A motivational poster, depicting a lion attacking a wildebeest in the savannah, with the text "POWER: Visualise What You Want And Take It."
A large laminated schedule, full of illegible scribblings and post-it notes reminding Charlie to keep busy.
A photograph of Charlie and Bob playing golf together, with "You're the best right-hand-man I could ask for - Bob Brockworth" written in immaculate handwriting. (if: (history:) contains "trash")[
''Bob Brockworth was on those torn-up cheques, but they weren't made out in this handwriting. Is Charlie forging cheques from his boss?'']
(if: $inspections < 3)[[[Inspect something else.|office]]](if: $inspections is 3)[[[Inspect something else.|return]]]
(set: $inspections to it + 1)You carefully open Charlie's bottom desk drawer.
The top layer is mostly office detritus: pens, highlighters, bits of miscellaneous stationery.
A manila folder, however, bears the phrase "TALL POPPIES" scrawled on the front. (if: (history:) contains "email")[The same phrase as in Charlie's suspicious email. ]You open it up; it's full of account details and statements for everyone in the local government. (if: (history:) contains "email")[
''Is Charlie trying to sell government secrets?'']
(if: $inspections < 3)[[[Inspect something else.|office]]](if: $inspections is 3)[[[Inspect something else.|return]]]
(set: $inspections to it + 1)You scurry under Charlie's desk and fish through his wastebasket.
Most of the trash consists of granola bar wrappers, energy drink cans (which should really be recycled), and nail clippings.
There are, however, a number of sloppily-written cheques, torn in half, made out from the account of a Bob Brockworth to "cash". (if: (history:) contains "walls")[That's totally his boss's name. You also recognise the handwriting on the cheques as Charlie's distinctive scrawl. ]Suspicious. (if: (history:) contains "walls")[
''Looks like Charlie might be forging cheques from his boss.'']
Finally, sitting sadly in the bottom of the wastebasket, is a wad of tissue paper. It looks soggy and gross. You avoid it. (if: (history:) contains "history")[Especially after seeing his search history.]
(if: $inspections < 3)[[[Inspect something else.|office]]](if: $inspections is 3)[[[Inspect something else.|return]]]
Before you can do anything else, Charlie and Bob burst back through the door, laughing and play-wrestling with each other in a grotesquely masculine fashion. They calm down when they see you.
//Hey. Uh, sorry about that.//
"Don't be sorry, Chucky! You know, this guy's my new assistant manager. Climbed up that ladder in just six months!"
''Oh. Uh, congratulations.''
"I'll let you get back to your meeting. But we're gonna knock back some brewskies after work, right Chuck-a-rino?"
Bob fires his finger-guns at Charlie and closes the door behind him as he exits. Charlie grins to himself as he spins idly in his chair.
//That's how you do it. Gotta make yourself indispensible.//
''About my loan...''
//Oh. Yeah. The petting zoo. Look, it ain't gonna happen. You won't find a bank in the country that's gonna give you a loan to let people come fuck cows, or whatever it is you're doing. Sorry. You're outta luck, and that's final.//
You frown, your hopes somewhat shattered. Contemplating what you did in your time alone in the office, you consider your options.
[[Accept the rejection.|callout_accept]]
(if: (history:) contains "walls")[[[Make a pithy comment about power.|callout_walls]]
](if: (history:) contains "history")[[[Call out Charlie on his illegal movie piracy.|callout_torrents]]
](if: (history:) contains "email" or (history:) contains "trash" or (history:) contains "history")[[[Tell Charlie he's a disgusting dick.|callout_gross]]
](if: (history:) contains "email")[[[Tell Charlie he should care more about his customers.|callout_schedule]]
](if: (history:) contains "email" and (history:) contains "drawer")[[[Threaten to tell the cops about the government secrets.|callout_cops]]
](if: (history:) contains "trash" and (history:) contains "walls")[[[Threaten to tell Bob about the forged cheques.|callout_boss]]
](if: (history:) contains "email" and (history:) contains "history")[[[Threaten to tell Laura about Charlie's obsession.|callout_stalker]]]
(set: $inspections to it + 1)You wait patiently. You can hear voices from outside, but they're muted through the walls.
(if: $inspections < 2)[It's still unclear how long Charlie will be away.] (if: $inspections is 2)[The voices grow nearer. Charlie must be on his way back.] (if: $inspections is 3)[The voices are right outside the door.]
(if: $inspections < 3)[[[Look at something in the office.|office]]](if: $inspections is 3)[[[Look at something in the office.|return]]]
(if: $inspections < 3)[[[Continue waiting.|justwait]]](if: $inspections is 3)[[[Continue waiting.|return]]]
''I guess you're really seeing what you want and taking it, huh?''
He laughs.
//You saw my, uh, poster? Yeah. Always do. Always do.//
You numbly gather your things, get up, and head towards the door.
//Hey - come back with a better business idea next time. Maybe you'll get lucky. Better be a big improvement, though.//
[[Walk out, defeated.|exit_defeat]]
''Just before I leave - what do you think the cops would do to someone selling government officials' bank details?''
Charlie goes white.
//What are you talking about?//
''I'm sure they'd be very interested in all that "Tall Poppies" paperwork. Such a shame you can't ever really delete email, isn't it?''
//You wouldn't.//
''I would. Unless a certain other set of paperwork got signed.''
You get out your phone and start dialing.
//Fuck! Fine! You win. Jesus. Just let me fill in the paperwork.//
You wait, phone held up in threat, as Charlie grumpily plugs information into his computer. He prints out a receipt of your loan.
//You'd better pay this back.//
''Oh, I will. Thanks, Chucky.''
[[Exit the office.|exit_victory]]
''Look, I don't have all day. I booked this appointment for ten - I'd like to have it at ten.''
"There's no need to get snippy. Take a seat."
''I'm not snippy. I just want my meeting.''
"The seats are over there."
You go to take a seat, firing back a barbed comment at Laura.
''No need to get snippy yourself!''
You wait. Fifteen minutes pass. You entertain yourself by playing a match-three game on your mobile phone.
An important-looking man in an expensive suit enters the front door. He greets Laura with a smile and a pair of finger-guns, then enters an office labelled "MANAGER."
[[Wait patiently.|waiting3]]
[[Ask to see the manager.|waiting3_rude]]
''Can I see the manager, please? I've been waiting fifteen minutes here.''
Laura sighs.
"If you want to see Bob, you'll have to make an appointment."
''I had an appointment for Charlie! For a quarter of an hour ago!''
"That's not my problem."
You sink into your seat, but unable to do anything about the situation.
A further seventeen minutes pass.
Finally, the door to Charlie's office opens. Charlie is scrawny and in his twenties, possessed of the confidence of a rhinoceros.
//Harper DeRenzy?//
''DeRezny.''
You get up to follow Charlie into his office. As you cross the room, Laura calls out to you.
"You can go in now."
[[Enter the office.|interview1]]
''You're disgusting, you know that?''
He laughs.
//Oh, sure. I get that all the time.//
''Because you're always disgusting. (if: (history:) contains "trash" or (history:) contains "history")[Stop wanking at work, you creep.]''
You gather your things, get up, and head towards the door.
//Hey - come back with a better business idea next time. Maybe you'll get lucky. Better be a big improvement, though.//
[[Walk out, disgusted.|exit_defeat]]
''What if I forged some cheques?''
Charlie goes white.
''Like how you do with your boss?''
//What are you talking about?//
''That's his office next door, isn't it? Mind if I just pop my head in the door, say "Hi, Bob! Just thought you ought to know your assistant manager is stealing from your--''
//Fuck! Fine! You win. Jesus. Just let me fill in the paperwork.//
You wait, standing by the door as if in threat, as Charlie grumpily plugs information into his computer. He prints out a receipt of your loan.
//You'd better pay this back.//
''Oh, I will. Thanks, Chucky.''
[[Exit the office.|exit_victory]]
''Okay. I'll just tell Laura about your creepy obsession with her on my way out.''
//You'll what?!//
''Oh, I'll just ask her if she wants to see the bank teller porn you've been looking at. Or maybe if she's ready for you to get inside her "vault."''
//How do you know about that? Have you been snooping in my computer?//
''Who cares? It's information I have now. It's up to you what I do with it. I smell a pretty great sexual harassment suit coming up--''
//Fuck! Fine! You win. Jesus. Just let me fill in the paperwork.//
You wait, standing by the door as if threatening to open it and spill his secrets, as Charlie grumpily plugs information into his computer. He prints out a receipt of your loan.
//You'd better pay this back.//
''Oh, I will. Thanks, Chucky.''
[[Exit the office.|exit_victory]]
''Okay. I'll go back to my car-wash job and you can go back to your pirated movies.''
He laughs and puts his hands up in a mock arrest.
//You got me! Maybe I'll watch "We Bought A Zoo" tonight.//
''Ha ha.''
You numbly gather your things, get up, and head towards the door.
//Hey - come back with a better business idea next time. Maybe you'll get lucky. Better be a big improvement, though.//
[[Walk out, defeated.|exit_defeat]]
''That's disappointing.''
//That's business. You gotta learn it sometime.//
You numbly gather your things, get up, and head towards the door.
//Hey - come back with a better business idea next time. Maybe you'll get lucky. Better be a big improvement, though.//
[[Exit the office, defeated.|exit_defeat]]
You stride out into the lobby. Laura greets you.
"How'd you go?"
''Fantastic. Got my loan all sorted. Amazing how things come together when you've got the right ideas.''
"(if: $rude is 1)[Good thing all that fuss of yours worked out. ]You need anything else before you go?"
(if: (history:) contains "trash" and (history:) contains "walls")[[[Tell Bob about Charlie's theft.|tell_boss]]
](if: (history:) contains "email" and (history:) contains "history")[[[Tell Laura about Charlie's creepiness.|tell_teller]]
](if: (history:) contains "email" and (history:) contains "drawer")[[[Call the cops on Charlie.|tell_cops]]
][[Leave the bank.|end_happy]]
You trudge out into the lobby. Laura greets you.
"How'd you go?"
''Not well. I don't want to talk about it.''
"(if: $rude is 1)[See? Nothing good comes of being uppity. ]You need anything else before you go?"
(if: (history:) contains "trash" and (history:) contains "walls")[[[Tell Bob about Charlie's theft.|tell_boss]]
](if: (history:) contains "email" and (history:) contains "history")[[[Tell Laura about Charlie's creepiness.|tell_teller]]
](if: (history:) contains "email" and (history:) contains "drawer")[[[Call the cops on Charlie.|tell_cops]]
][[Leave the bank.|end_sad]]
''I just want to thank the manager real quick.''
Before Laura can stop you, you open the door to Bob's office.
''You might want to check your accounts, Bob. You might find your buddy Charlie's been abusing your relationship somewhat.''
Bob, interrupted in his work, is confused.
"What? What do you mean?"
''Go ahead. Check your, uh, transaction history or whatever.''
Bob inputs some information into his computer and scans the screen.
"Jesus Christ. These weren't my transactions. How did you--"
''I've really gotta go, I'm sorry.''
You close the door and grin quietly to yourself. Mission accomplished.
(if: (history:) contains "exit_victory")[[[Leave the bank.|end_happy]]](if: (history:) contains "exit_defeat")[[[Leave the bank.|end_sad]]]
Hooray! You get your petting zoo off the ground, thanks to the - shall we say - generous loan provided by First Municipal. Children from around the city thrill to pat all the animals you provide for them.
You restore a sense of warmth and happiness to Townsville and are hailed in the weekly newspaper as a local hero.
(if: $rude is 1 and (history:) contains "tell_teller")[If only you'd been able to get back at Charlie. Rudeness never pays.](if: $rude is 0 and (history:) contains "tell_teller")[What's more, you put a total creep in his place. Ever so satisfying.](if: $rude is 0 and (history:) contains "tell_boss")[What's more, you got that asshole banker fired - //after// he approved your loan.](if: $rude is 0 and (history:) contains "tell_cops")[What's more, Charlie's in prison now, where he belongs, and the Townsville local government remains safe from thieves and hackers...for now.]
''//Thanks for playing Petting Zoo Tycoon: Chapter Zero!//''
(click:"Play again")[(reload:)]
(if: $rude is 1)[''I don't know how to say this, Laura, but--''
"I meant banking needs. Do you need any banking done?"
''Well, no, I--''
"Then goodbye."
(if: (history:) contains "exit_victory")[[[Leave the bank.|end_happy]]](if: (history:) contains "exit_defeat")[[[Leave the bank.|end_sad]]]](if: $rude is 0)[''I don't know how to say this, Laura, but...your boss kinda has a creepy thing for you.''
"What - Charlie? No."
''I mean it. Go on in there and ask him. Ask to see his search history. Or the emails he trades with your other boss. It's kinda disgusting.''
"How did you - I don't want to know. Shit. That's another complaint I have to file. You know how many people I've had fired over this kinda shit?"
Laura gets out from behind her desk and storms into Charlie's office. As the door shuts behind her, you hear voices beginning to raise.
You smile quietly to yourself. Mission accomplished.
(if: (history:) contains "exit_victory")[[[Leave the bank.|end_happy]]](if: (history:) contains "exit_defeat")[[[Leave the bank.|end_sad]]]]
''Thanks, Laura. I just have a call to make.''
You sit in a corner and dial the police.
"Townsville Police. How may I direct your call?"
''Hi. I'd like to leave an anonymous tip?''
"We can see your phone number. It's not anonymous."
''Oh.''
"You still want to leave a tip?"
''I guess? Uh, it's about a banker. Charlie something, at First Municipal. I have reason to believe he's selling city councillors' private information to someone.''
"Okay. Do you know the name of the buyer?"
''No idea. Signed off "X," but that probably doesn't mean anything. That's as far as my knowledge goes. I don't even know what this crime would be called. Fraud?''
"It's identity theft, and we'll have someone look into it.
''Great. Bye!''
You hang up abruptly and smile faintly to yourself. Mission accomplished.
(if: (history:) contains "exit_victory")[[[Leave the bank.|end_happy]]](if: (history:) contains "exit_defeat")[[[Leave the bank.|end_sad]]]
Damn. Your petting zoo won't be getting off the ground anytime soon. The children of Townsville will have to go without the joy of patting and making friends with animals.
Did you do all you could have? You'll never know. You had your chance, and you blew it. Looks like it's back to work at the car wash for you.
(if: $rude is 1 and (history:) contains "tell_teller")[If only you'd been able to get back at Charlie. Rudeness never pays.](if: $rude is 0 and (history:) contains "tell_teller")[At least you managed to put a total creep in his place. Ever so satisfying.](if: $rude is 0 and (history:) contains "tell_boss")[But at least you got that asshole banker fired. Maybe the next one will approve your loan. So begins another cycle of financial struggle...](if: $rude is 0 and (history:) contains "tell_cops")[But at least you put that asshole banker in prison, where he belongs. The Townsville local government remains safe from thieves and hackers...for now.]
''//Thanks for playing Petting Zoo Tycoon: Chapter Zero!//''
(click:"Try again")[(reload:)]
You go to leave, but turn to deliver one final jab.
''By the way, I made this appointment for ten AM. I'd have appreciated it if you thought your work was more important than your goddamn swimming pool.''
He feigns offense.
//My pool is important to me!//
''You're an ass.''
//And a successful one.//
You gather your things, get up, and head towards the door.
//Hey - come back with a better business idea next time. Maybe you'll get lucky. Better be a big improvement, though.//
[[Walk out, irritated.|exit_defeat]]