It is 1974. You are a park ranger, operating in the wilds of the majestic Rocky Mountains.
You have been summoned to a scrappy bar in the nearby town of [[Swamp Creek]], to meet with Ivan Marx, a local wildlife tracker who says he's found something you need to see.
You're definitely the first non-local to enter this bar in at least a year. The grouchy bartender nods you towards his sole current customer - your contact. In his late fifties and dressed in loose-fitting, well-worn flannel, he regards you with suspicion as you approach, before noticing your badge and softening.
[[Greet Ivan|meetivan]]
(set: $x to (text-style: "blur")) (set: $d to (transition: "dissolve"))
(set: $going to " ")
(set: $recap to " ")
(set: $offer_peg to 0) (set: $offer_runaway to 0)
(set: $finale to " ")
(set: $endyou to " ")
(set: $endivan to " ")
(set: $endpeg to " ")
(set: $enddream to " ")
(set: $muddy to " ")
(set: $wtd_changemind to 0)''Ivan Marx?''
"Hello there! I've been waiting for you, you know. Buy you a drink?"
''I'm on the clock, sorry.''
"Sarsparilla?"
''You said you had something to show me?''
Marx slides closer to you along the bar.
"You've got to listen to me, and keep an open mind. Nobody else believes me when I talk about the discoveries I've made. Have you heard, my friend, the legend of the Bushman?"
''I'm sorry, I'm not familiar.''
"The Bushman! The Sasquatch! The Yeti!...<i>Bigfoot!</i>"
[[Question Bigfoot's existence|incred]]
[[Ask about history tracking Bigfoot|HISTORY]]
[[Ask about his belief|BELIEF]]
[[Ask how you track Bigfoot|TRACKING]]
[[Ask what he wants|huntoptions]]''Are you...alright?''
//What do you mean, am I alright?//
''What do //you// mean?''
//Am I alright after falling over, or am I alright in the head?//
''I mean--''
//I'm both, unlikely as that may seem. You just gonna gawk, or do you actually want something?//
[[Tell her to stop pretending to be Bigfoot|stop]]
[[Tell her she's being hunted|hunted]]
[[Make a joke|joke]]Approaching the shape, you see that it is indeed a hairy, lumbering humanoid. It hasn't noticed you.
Keeping your eyes fixated on the beast, you take out a [[Polaroid camera]] and snap a couple of pictures.
The Sasquatch notices the camera noise and turns. It sees you and turns to run away into the bush.
You give chase, but after some time, the creature trips on a fallen tree and lands in a puddle of mud. As it struggles to get up, it's hard to tell whether it's a person or an animal.
[[Call out cautiously|hail_caution]]
[[Offer help|hail_help]]
[[Laugh|hail_laugh]]
[[Walk away|hail_leave]](if: $recap is 1)[''Okay, I have all the information I need.''
"So what'll you do, buckaroo?"]
(else:)[ (unless: $going is " ")[''I changed my mind.''
"Young people these days. Get your story straight."] (else:)[''Look, I appreciate this is important to you, but I'm a park ranger. What is it you want from me?''
"Exactly. You're a park ranger. A person of authority. I hate to admit it, but folks back in the cities with their urban values and their scientific instruments never have much time for ol' Ivan. But a ranger like you? They'd listen to you."
"I know Bigfoot is close by. I've tracked him to Beaver Swamp, just up the highway a ways. Find Bigfoot, photograph him independently, and bring my research the credibility it deserves."
"What do you say?"]]
[[Offer to go find Bigfoot|youalone]]
[[Suggest you go together|together]]
[[Recap|recap]]
[[Leave|nowayjose]](if: $wtd_changemind is 1)[''That doesn't sound like such a great idea, now I think about it.''
//Make up your damn mind.//] (else:)[''Wow. This is more complicated than I thought. It's not really in my job description to help settle weird relationship issues.''
//But you're in it now.//
''I am.''
//So what are you going to do about it?//
''Ivan will be wondering where I've gotten to. (if: $dickhead is 1)[He'd be justified in thinking I'd just up and left.]''
//You've gotta do something. He can't keep searching for Bigfoot for the rest of his life. And I can't keep being Bigfoot for the rest of mine. I just want Ivan back. Or my life back. I don't know which'll make it better.//
You mull over your options.]
[[Invite Peggy to come talk to Ivan|truth]]
[[Take Bigfoot photos back to Ivan|photos]]
[[Swap clothing with Peggy|becomebf]]''How long have you known about this "Bigfoot?"''
"(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[It's not a complicated story. ]I first stumbled across him eighteen months ago. I was tracking a big ol' grizzly bear up across the border. That big fella woulda killed all of ol' Jack Timms' cows if I hadn't put him down. But as I was tracking him, I came across these...footprints. Far too big for a man or even a bear. I could hardly believe what I was seeing! I just had to find what had made those amazing tracks.
''Uh huh.''
"I've been hunting Bigfoot ever since. Up and down the mountains, in and out of caves... If it wasn't for Peggy, I'd have lost my marbles long ago. Poor Peggy."
[[Peggy|whospeggy]]
[[Question Bigfoot's existence|incred]]
$x[Ask about history tracking Bigfoot]
[[Ask about his belief|BELIEF]]
[[Ask how you track Bigfoot|TRACKING]]
(if: $recap is 1)[ [[Ready to go|huntoptions]] ] (else:)[ [[Ask what he wants|huntoptions]] ](if: (history:) contains "BELIEF")[''Is there anything else you can tell me about Bigfoot?''
"I've told you everything you need. Just know that he's out there. I'm not some tenderfoot with peach fuzz and a baseball cap."] (else:)[''Okay. Tell me about Bigfoot.''
"It warms my heart that you're willing to talk. Most people would shy away from an old outdoorsman like me, even if I wasn't babbling on about Bigfoot. There's just simply no question in my mind."
''So you've seen Bigfoot yourself?''
"You don't need to see him to know he's there. I've seen enough evidence, and I've read enough stories. He's real. Eight feet tall, with thick brown fur all over his body - and a loping gait like an animal's.
"No matter where you go, you'll find some legend or other. No, they don't all call him Bigfoot. But he's there - in the Himalayas, the Andes, our incredible Rockies. Some say the breeding grounds are right here, in North America! That's what I aim to discover."]
(if: (history:) contains "whospeggy")[ [[Ask about Peggy again|whospeggy]] ]
[[Question Bigfoot's existence|incred]]
[[Ask about history tracking Bigfoot|HISTORY]]
$x[Ask about his belief]
[[Ask how you track Bigfoot|TRACKING]]
(if: $recap is 1)[ [[Ready to go|huntoptions]] ] (else:)[ [[Ask what he wants|huntoptions]] ](if: (history:) contains "incred")[''This is a joke, right? Did Greg put you up to this?''
"You don't believe me. I can tell. You're just like those scientists! Doubting me at every turn. Well, I'll show them. They won't be able to laugh at me when we've got hard evidence!"] (else:)[''Bigfoot? Really?''
"I know what you're probably thinking. Who is this Ivan Marx fellow spouting all this hogwash? Well, I'm a third-generation mountain man and I know Bigfoot when I see him. Who are you to question that?"]
(if: (history:) contains "whospeggy")[ [[Ask about Peggy again|whospeggy]] ]
$x[Question Bigfoot's existence]
[[Ask about Ivan's history tracking Bigfoot|HISTORY]]
[[Ask about his belief|BELIEF]]
[[Ask how you track Bigfoot|TRACKING]]
(if: $recap is 1)[ [[Ready to go|huntoptions]] ] (else:)[ [[Ask what he wants|huntoptions]] ](if: (history:) contains "TRACKING")[''Tell me again how you track Bigfoot.''
"You follow the tracks, you follow the hair, you follow the scent. There's your Sasquatch. What else you wanna know?"] (else:)[''How exactly does one track Bigfoot? Is it like tracking an animal, or...?''
"The most important thing is the prints he leaves. You've never seen anything like them. Huge, with five toes like a man's, but with a greater stride than any man you've ever known.
''I've known some [[big guys]].''
"Not this big. Once you've found the tracks, look to the trees. Bigfoot just loves to rub himself up against the bark to scratch his itchy back. If you're lucky, you'll find a tuft of hair, practically pointing directly to Bigfoot.
"And when you're real close - when you're almost upon him - that's when you'll catch his scent. A thick, musty odour that hangs around in the nostrils. Unmistakeable. You've never smelled anything like it."]
(if: (history:) contains "whospeggy")[ [[Ask about Peggy again|whospeggy]] ]
[[Question Bigfoot's existence|incred]]
[[Ask about history tracking Bigfoot|HISTORY]]
[[Ask about his belief|BELIEF]]
$x[Ask how you track Bigfoot]
(if: $recap is 1)[ [[Ready to go|huntoptions]] ] (else:)[ [[Ask what he wants|huntoptions]] ](set: $going to "alone") (set: $recap to 0) ''Okay. I'll find your Bigfoot. Where am I going again?''
"(if: $dickhead is 1)[I'm surprised you'd even offer to do such a thing. But...]Thank you. You're a credit to America."
''I'm Canadian.''
"Even better! I spent some of my best years in Canada. Why, when I was a younger man, I had an eagle that would roost near my cabin."
''The location?''
"I don't remember the address. It was a long time ago now."
''Of Bigfoot.''
"Oh yes! Pardon my jabbering. Beaver Swamp. North about six miles, then you'll find a dirt track leading off to the east. Once you get past the pine belt, that's where you'll hit the--"
''I know the place. Haven't seen Bigfoot there before.''
"That's because he's migratory! You'll see him today. I promise."
[[Go find Bigfoot|leaveroom]]
[[Change your mind|huntoptions]](set: $going to "together") (set: $recap to 0) ''Why don't we go together? Find Bigfoot for me, and I'll back you up.''
"Of course! I hadn't thought of going together. (if: $dickhead is 1)[I wouldn't have expected someone like you would want a partner anyway. ]Now I feel like a fool."
''You're not a fool.''
"Oh, stop. Let's go. I'm sure this bartender's had enough of my rambling. Beaver Swamp ho!"
[[Go find Bigfoot|leaveroom]]
[[Change your mind|huntoptions]]''I just have to ask another question or two.''
"Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead!"
(if: (history:) contains "whospeggy")[ [[Ask about Peggy again|whospeggy]] ]
[[Question Bigfoot's existence|incred]]
[[Ask about history tracking Bigfoot|HISTORY]]
[[Ask about his belief|BELIEF]]
[[Ask how you track Bigfoot|TRACKING]]
[[Ready to go|huntoptions]]
(set: $recap to 1)''Look, I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but I've got real issues to attend to. Good luck with your search, Mr Marx.''
You turn to leave. As you exit, you hear Ivan shouting after you.
"I should've known you'd be just like everyone else! You're just like those scientists! Questioning everything I do. We'll see who's laughing next time!"
The door slams shut on Ivan and his dreams.
(set: $dickhead to 1)
[[Start over|INTRO]](if: $going is "alone")[You step out of the bar alone. ] (if: $going is "together")[You step out of the bar, Ivan following not far behind you.]
On the road to Beaver Swamp, headquarters relays a warning to rangers in the area.
<i>All rangers north of 45 degrees, be alerted: poachers have been spotted in the area. Just keep your eyes open.</i>
(if: $going is "together")["Are you going to answer that?"
''There's always poachers. And I'm on other business. We'll keep an eye out. Like they said.''
]You continue driving, in silence, all the way to your destination.
[[Enter the wilderness|wilderness]](if: $going is "together")[You and Ivan creep through the forest undergrowth, approaching the edge of [[Beaver Swamp]].
As you progress through the foliage, you notice a sizeable [[bear trap]] hidden amongst some scrub and detritus. Obviously, [[poachers]] have been here. Ivan hasn't noticed them.
[[Warn Ivan|warnyes]]
[[Don't risk alarming him|warnno]]
] (else:)[You creep through the forest undergrowth, approaching the [[Beaver Swamp]].
As you progress through the foliage, you see some sizeable [[bear trap]]s scattered amongst some scrub and detritus. Obviously, [[poachers]] have been here.
You make a mental note to locate and disarm the traps later.
You reach the edge of Beaver Swamp, go prone, and wait.
About five minutes later, you reach a small clearing and catch a glimpse of a dark shape moving in the distance.
[[Investigate|glimpse]]]You hold back, ready to run at any time.
''Hello?''
The figure struggles to its feet, leaning on a tree.
//Guess you got me now.//
''I'm...I'm sorry?''
The figure removes its mask, revealing a middle-aged woman, drenched in sweat.
[[Introduce yourself|introself]]
[[Ask if she's okay|meetokay]]
[[Ask what she's doing out here|meetwhat]]
(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[ [[This must be Peggy|meetyup]] ]You put all your eggs in the "it's a person" basket and walk over to the figure.
''Excuse me! Can I...help you?''
//Ground's a little slippery.//
''Here.''
You help the figure to its feet, getting mud all over yourself. It takes its mask off to reveal a middle-aged woman, drenched in sweat.
[[Introduce yourself|introself]]
[[Ask if she's okay|meetokay]]
[[Ask what she's doing out here|meetwhat]]
(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[ [[This must be Peggy|meetyup]] ]
(set: $muddy to "yes")You laugh at the figure's misfortune.
//I'd like to see you move in this thing.//
''Okay, okay.''
You head over to the figure and help it up. It's covered in mud.
''It was pretty funny, though.''
//You're lucky I'm so exhausted.//
The figure wipes some mud off on you, then takes its mask off to reveal a middle-aged woman, drenched in sweat.
[[Introduce yourself|introself]]
[[Ask if she's okay|meetokay]]
[[Ask what she's doing out here|meetwhat]]
(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[ [[This must be Peggy|meetyup]] ]
(set: $muddy to "yes")You about-face and start walking back in what you think is Ivan's direction. Before you get two steps away, you hear a call from behind you.
//Chase me into a mud puddle then walk away? Classy, bud.//
You turn back. The figure is leaning on a tree, caked in mud and breathing heavily.
''Um...sorry?''
It takes its mask off to reveal a middle-aged woman, drenched in sweat.
[[Introduce yourself|introself]]
[[Ask if she's okay|meetokay]]
[[Ask what she's doing out here|meetwhat]]
(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[ [[This must be Peggy|meetyup]] ]''He's a passionate man. Following your dreams the way he does? That's what makes America America.''
//He's definitely driven.//
''Yeah?''
//You really think Ivan is the heart and soul of America?//
''I think --''
//You think it's easy dressing up like this just so your partner can keep his crazy dream alive? You need to hear the other side of this story.//
[[Ask Peggy about the costume|pegcost]]
[[Ask about her lifestyle|peglife]]
[[Ask about Ivan|pegivan]]
[[Ask about their marriage|pegmarr]]
[[Offer help|whattodo]]''I'll be honest. The man strikes me as a crazy old weirdo, and I wish I hadn't answered his call.''
//No need to sugar-coat it.//
''You asked me what I thought!''
//Most people aren't that...//
''Honest?''
//Blunt. And it's fair. It's his crazy dream that's got me dressed up like this. I just couldn't watch him struggle in vain.//
''I'm sorry. This whole situation's got me kind of confused. Can we start over?''
//Poor thing. What do you want to know?//
[[Ask Peggy about the costume|pegcost]]
[[Ask about her lifestyle|peglife]]
[[Ask about Ivan|pegivan]]
[[Ask about their marriage|pegmarr]]
[[Offer help|whattodo]](if: (history:) contains "pegcost")[''You said the costume was made out of a bear?''
//Real live bear. Well, not 'live.' That'd be tricky. And macabre.//
''And illegal.''
//Yeah! Lucky. Had to use heavy-duty needles to sew the big bastard, too. You know how long this thing took?//
''No.''
//Exactly.//] (else:)[''Heck of a costume. Make it yourself?''
//Yes and no. The face came from a Halloween catalogue. Suit's a pattern. It's bear. Feel it.//
The fur feels thick and coarse.
//Hot as hell. No wonder they just sleep through the winter.//
''You killed a bear?''
//Of course I didn't 'kill a bear.' I found it in one of those traps. When are you gonna do something about those assholes?//
''We're understaffed. We can only do our best.''
//Well, someone needs to give whoever a kick in the butt.//
''I'll make a note of it.'' ]
(if: (history:) contains "pegcost")[$x[Ask about the costume]](else:)[[[Ask Peggy further about the costume|pegcost]]]
(if: (history:) contains "peglife")[[[Ask further about her lifestyle|peglife]]](else:)[[[Ask about her lifestyle|peglife]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegivan")[[[Ask further about Ivan|pegivan]]](else:)[[[Ask about Ivan|pegivan]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegmarr")[[[Ask further about their marriage|pegmarr]]](else:)[[[Ask about their marriage|pegmarr]]]
[[Offer help|whattodo]](if: (history:) contains "peglife")[''Aren't you scared Ivan might capture you?''
//Ivan doesn't want to "catch" Bigfoot. He does that, there's no need to look for him anymore. No, Ivan's hooked on the chase.//
''Surely he can't be watching you all the time.''
//There's a lot of waiting around. I put some breast pockets in this thing for snacks.//
''Can you even pee in that thing?''
//You can pee in anything if you set your mind to it.//] (else:)[You gesture at the costume.
''Do you do this, er...full-time?''
//Hell no. I'm a wildlife vet. I do this every so often just so Ivan doesn't tear his hair out. The job gives me a good excuse to disappear mysteriously every once in a while.//
''How do you actually "play" Bigfoot?''
//Most important thing's the walk. Gotta keep those strides long and slow, swing your arms, look bigger'n you are. The boots help. You can make animal noises - like a deer, or a bear - but you usually won't be close enough for him to hear.//
''And the smell?''
//Wear the same suit long enough...//]
(if: (history:) contains "pegcost")[[[Ask further about the costume|pegcost]]](else:)[[[Ask Peggy about the costume|pegcost]]]
(if: (history:) contains "peglife")[$x[Ask about her lifestyle]]](else:)[[[Ask further about her lifestyle|peglife]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegivan")[[[Ask further about Ivan|pegivan]]](else:)[[[Ask about Ivan|pegivan]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegmarr")[[[Ask further about their marriage|pegmarr]]](else:)[[[Ask about their marriage|pegmarr]]]
[[Offer help|whattodo]](if: (history:) contains "pegmarr")[''If you need to talk about your marriage, I'm here.''
//I think I've told you enough.//] (else:)[''What a weird relationship you have.''
//Oh, he doesn't know I'm doing this. It'd break his big ol' heart if he found out.//
''Does that cause any...strain?''
//I thought he'd get his pictures and I could throw this thing away. But now he's convinced the whole scientific community's out to get him - which isn't true, by the way - so he's even more set.//
''What do you do with him when you're not Bigfooting?''
//Married couple stuff, mostly. But that's private. I do edit his film footage, though.//
''With you in it?''
//Uh huh. It's surreal!//
''You think you'll ever be able to stop?''
//At least this way I keep him here at home, instead of off trying to find the Bigfoot breeding grounds, or whatever cockamamie plan he's cooked up.//]
(if: (history:) contains "pegcost")[[[Ask further about the costume|pegcost]]](else:)[[[Ask Peggy about the costume|pegcost]]]
(if: (history:) contains "peglife")[[[Ask further about her lifestyle|peglife]]](else:)[[[Ask about her lifestyle|peglife]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegivan")[[[Ask further about Ivan|pegivan]]](else:)[[[Ask about Ivan|pegivan]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegmarr")[$x[Ask about their marriage]](else:)[[[Ask further about their marriage|pegmarr]]]
[[Offer help|whattodo]](if: (history:) contains "pegivan")[''Doesn't Ivan have a job? Something to keep him occupied?''
//He retired a year and a half ago. So, no. This is what he does.//
''That must be tough.''
Peggy smirks.
//Oh, no, he loves it.//] (else:)[''What's Ivan's deal?''
//Ivan's complicated. Or he used to be. Now he's actually pretty straightforward - just wants to find that damn Bigfoot. I try to get him interested in other things, but he's just...//
(if: (history:) contains "nice")[''Committed.''] (if: (history:) contains "mean")[''Crazy.''] (if: (history:) contains "dodge")[''What?'']
//Ivan doesn't give up on things until they're finished. And what he's doing now will never be finished.//
''Finding Bigfoot.''
Peggy sighs.
//Finding Bigfoot.//]
(if: (history:) contains "pegcost")[[[Ask further about the costume|pegcost]]](else:)[[[Ask Peggy about the costume|pegcost]]]
(if: (history:) contains "peglife")[[[Ask further about her lifestyle|peglife]]](else:)[[[Ask about her lifestyle|peglife]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegivan")[$x[Ask about Ivan]](else:)[[[Ask further about Ivan|pegivan]]]
(if: (history:) contains "pegmarr")[[[Ask further about their marriage|pegmarr]]](else:)[[[Ask about their marriage|pegmarr]]]
[[Offer help|whattodo]](if: $going is "together")[You peer through the trees at the shape. From this distance, it's difficult to tell whether it is indeed Bigfoot, or whether it's an animal of some kind.
''Is that what you're talking about?''
Ivan's points excitedly.
"That's him! That's Bigfoot!"
''Could be a moose. Or a bear.''
"It's Bigfoot. I'd know that lumbering gait anywhere."
''I'll check it out. Stay here.''] (else:)[You peer through the trees at the shape. From this distance, it's difficult to tell whether it is indeed Bigfoot, or whether it's an animal of some kind.]
[[Pursue the shape|approach]]''Hold up. This might sound kind of out of the blue, but are you Peggy Marx?''
//For now, anyway.//
''For now?''
//Guess you've met Ivan. Where I got the "Marx."//
''If I hadn't, I'd be a lot more confused.''
//That's true! What do you think of him?//
[[Be charitable|nice]]
[[Be mean|mean]]
[[Dodge the subject|dodge]]''Mind if I ask the obvious question?''
//Can't a woman walk around in a Bigfoot costume in peace?//
''This is my job. I'm a park ranger.''
//Didn't realise I was talking to Smokey the Bear.//
[[Tell her to stop pretending to be Bigfoot|stop]]
[[Tell her she's being hunted|hunted]]
[[Make a joke|joke]]''You're going to have to stop dressing up and wandering around like this.''
//It's a free country.//
''Not free of consequences.''
//You've met Ivan, then?//
''Ivan? (if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[Wait. Are you Peggy?]''
//(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[Guess you have met him.](else:)[My husband, god help him. Peggy Marx. For now, anyway.]//
''I've met him, alright. He got something to do with...this?''
//I bet he spun you quite the Bigfoot story. What do you think of him?//
[[Be charitable|nice]]
[[Be mean|mean]]
[[Dodge the subject|dodge]]''I don't know how to tell you this, but you're being hunted.''
The woman sighs.
''You already knew that?''
//Yeah, god damn it, I know.//
''So you know Ivan Marx? (if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[Wait. Are you Peggy?]''
//(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[Bullseye.](else:)[You do tend to get to know people you're married to. Peggy Marx. For now, anyway.]//
''What are you doing out here dressed like a Sasquatch?''
//You've met Ivan, right? What's your read on him?//
[[Be charitable|nice]]
[[Be mean|mean]]
[[Dodge the subject|dodge]]''There's an arrest warrant out for a middle-aged female, five and a half feet tall, and furry. Third one this week. We're going to have to start profiling.''
//Look, if you're just going to make fun like all the other idiots, you can shove it.//
''I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure out why you're dressed as a monster. (if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[Wait. Are you Peggy?]''
//(if: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[You've been talking to Ivan.](else:)[I'm dressed like a "monster" because my husband is off his damn rocker.]//
''(unless: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[Your husband is Ivan Marx, isn't he? ]What are you doing out here dressed like a Sasquatch?''
//(unless: (history:) contains "HISTORY")[He's my husband for now. I'm Peggy. ]What's your read on Ivan?//
[[Be charitable|nice]]
[[Be mean|mean]]
[[Dodge the subject|dodge]]=><=
CURSED BY BIGFOOT
By Andrew Todd
Based on his play "Cursed By Bigfoot," itself based on the documentary "The Legend of Bigfoot" (1975, dir. Harry Winer)
[[Begin|INTRO]]
(set: $dickhead to 0)Ivan $endivan.
Peggy $endpeg.
You $endyou.
Ivan's dream $enddream.
Thank you for playing.(if: $dickhead is 1)[..dickhead. Seriously, did you think you could abandon poor Ivan and then start over as if it would magically fix everything? You can't do that in real life. And you can't get away with it here. Dickhead.]
Start over (if: $dickhead is 1)[(for real, this time)](click: "Start over")[(reload:)]''Peggy? Is that your research partner?''
"(if: (history:) contains "whospeggy")[I told you, you dunderhead! ]She's my darling wife. I wouldn't be anywhere today without ol' Peg. She's probably the best thing that ever happened to me.
''And she helps you out with your...research?''
"Of course she does. We're inseparable, she and I. She helps me tracking Bigfoot; she makes sure I don't keel over and die in my old age; she keeps me sane."
''Is she around? Can I talk to her?''
"I don't rightly know where Peg's gotten to today. Probably out finding a cuddly lil' bear cub to rear."
''Good thing she's keeping you sane.''
[[Question Bigfoot's existence|incred]]
[[Ask about history tracking Bigfoot|TRACKING]]
[[Ask about his belief|BELIEF]]
[[Ask how you track Bigfoot|TRACKING]]
(if: $recap is 1)[ [[Ready to go|huntoptions]] ] (else:)[ [[Ask what he wants|huntoptions]] ]''I'm Ranger Allen. This area's under my watch. Look, I've had reports of a creature around here.''
//Ta-da. A creature.//
''Hi there.''
//That settles that, then. Now, haven't you got forest fires to prevent?//
[[Tell her to stop pretending to be Bigfoot|stop]]
[[Tell her she's being hunted|hunted]]
[[Make a joke|joke]]''I think the more pertinent question is what you're up to.''
Peggy laughs.
//Don't worry. You don't have to tell me what you think. Most people dismiss him straight away.//
''That wasn't my intention!''
//Never is. But you could dismiss it. If you wanted. I don't have that luxury.//
''Okay. I gotta get a couple things straight.''
//Shoot.//
[[Ask Peggy about the costume|pegcost]]
[[Ask about her lifestyle|peglife]]
[[Ask about Ivan|pegivan]]
[[Ask about their marriage|pegmarr]]
[[Offer help|whattodo]]You head back through the woods with Peggy, keeping your distance as you walk so as to avoid the stench of the costume. You reach the edge of the clearing where you left Ivan. Peggy turns to you before you approach Ivan.
//What do you think - mask on? Mask off?//
''Whatever makes the most impact.''
Peggy puts the mask back on and waits as you walk into the clearing. Ivan stands up from the tree stump where he's been waiting.
"Hello! Looked like you got into some kind of a chase back there! Did you get any pictures? Did you find Bigfoot?"
''I found him, all right.''
"Was he magnificent? Was he the greatest beast you'd ever seen?!"
''Come on out.''
Peggy emerges from the trees. Ivan freezes, eyes wide, and speaks in a broken voice.
"Bigfoot!"
Ivan grips your arm.
"Oh, those scientists will have to listen to me now. What a sight. Even more magnificent than I had imagined."
''Ivan, there's something you need to know.''
Peggy takes off the Bigfoot mask.
"Peg! ...Peg?!"
//Afraid so, Ive.//
"What have you done?"
//I found your monster for you.//
"Bigfoot is no monster. He's the King of the Animals. And you've - you've killed him! And skinned him!
//It's bear, Ivan. There is no Bigfoot. Only me. In a bear skin.//
"My own dear Peg, wearing the skin of Bigfoot just to mock him. And to mock me!"
''Ivan! This isn't worth fighting over.''
"You're right. Bigfoot is alive and well, gracing these mountains even still, no matter what you've done. You two...charlatans!"
Ivan punches you in the side of the head and marches proudly into the woods.
"I'm going to find him. Then you'll see."
You try to get up, but Peggy stops you.
//Let him go. I'm sure the old bastard will come to his senses.//
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "is never seen again after his disappearance into the rough woods and the mountains. Parts of his clothing are found on the brief search mission that ensues, and those familiar with the area speculate that he is mauled to death by a bear...or some other large creature.")
(set: $endpeg to "donates Ivan's cryptozoological research to a hobbyist group, who build on it, releasing a series of Bigfoot-themed documentary videos, horror films, and eventually erotic fiction. She throws herself into her wildlife veterinary work, and eventually remarries to a vet nurse twenty years her junior.")
(set: $endyou to "are part of the search team that hunts for Ivan. After that, you monitor the newspapers for mention of Ivan for a while, but eventually stop. You have a brief fling with a furry before realising it does nothing for you.")
(set: $enddream to "remains shrouded in mystery, though many use his disappearance as proof positive that Bigfoot exists. Either he was killed by Bigfoot, they say, or joined him in the wilderness like he always wanted. The legend lives on.")You head back through the woods, enjoying the quiet solitude between two such strange people. Eventually, you reach the edge of the clearing where you left Ivan.
Ivan rushes up to meet you.
"Well? Did you find him? Did you find Bigfoot?!"
''I didn't get many pictures, but - here you go.''
You hand Ivan the pictures. He takes them greedily, furiously flipping through and examining them closely.
"Good God almighty. He's even more magnificent than I had imagined! How did you get so close!"
''It was quite a chase.''
"How far did you chase him? Is he still out there? Show me where you went. Show me!"
Ivan ushers you back the way you came.
''He's gone, Ivan.''
"No! We have to go back! If you got these, he must be close! I can almost smell his scent on the air!"
''Ivan. It'll be dark soon. You gonna track the untrackable at night?''
Ivan stops and thinks to himself.
"You're right. I've got what I came for. You really are quite something. These pictures, oho, those scientists won't be able to doubt me now. They'll have to publish apologies to me, Ivan Marx. I'll get the Nobel Prize!"
You guide Ivan back towards the truck. As you drive away, you catch a glimpse of Peggy in the rear-view mirror, peeking out from the forest.
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "publishes your pictures in several local newspapers, gaining brief notoriety as the 'Bigfoot King of the Rockies.' Though his fame quickly fades, it doesn't dull his enthusiasm for his search. He continues searching for Bigfoot to the end of his days.")
(set: $endpeg to "edits Ivan's fake footage into a trilogy of documentaries that find moderate success in the Midwest. She upgrades the Bigfoot costume to be more manoeuvrable and less smelly, and starts moonlighting secretly as a makeup effects designer. Through her new creative endeavours, she finds a contentment she didn't expect.")
(set: $endyou to "tag-team playing Bigfoot with Peggy, finding a strange affection for Ivan's obsession. Your newfound love for performance pushes you to join a local amateur dramatics society, where you regularly play roles of middling importance. Your work as a Park Ranger slides, but you don't care.")
(set: $enddream to "inspires handfuls of devoted oddballs to join the hunt for Bigfoot. It never quite takes off, but remains the providence of a select few. Though those in the wider world never takes it seriously, soon they all at least know the name 'Bigfoot.'")
Peggy turns to you before you approach Ivan.Woods: you show photos, Ivan is happy, Peggy returns, happy ending.You stumble back through the woods in Peggy's rancid Bigfoot costume, choking back the bile that keeps threatening to rise in response to the stench.
(if: (history:) contains "peglife")[You remember Peggy's description of the Bigfoot style. You make animal noises, in the manner of what you think a deer-bear hybrid would sound like, and puff your body up as big as you can. ]You emerge into the clearing, standing before Ivan. He freezes, eyes wide, and calls out your new name in a broken voice.
"Bigfoot!"
You creep around the edge of the clearing as Ivan's lip quivers. Ivan's voice is low with reverential awe, but he can't help narrating his experience.
"Those scientists will have to listen to me now. What a sight. And the scent!"
You approach and over a kneeling Ivan Marx, who blubbers to himself.
"Bigfoot. Even more magnificent than I had imagined. Big as a mountain, strong as an ox."
You let out a guttural growl.
"I mean you no harm, my friend."
You growl again. Ivan crawls backwards, away from you. He averts his eyes from your gaze.
"Truly, you are the King of the Animals."
Ivan scampers away in near-religious fear.
And you realise you like it.
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "redoubles his search for Bigfoot, spurred on by his experience in the woods. Though he never finds incontrovertible proof, and scientists still doubt his findings, he proves a popular figure on the documentary and speaking circuits, and opens a new generation to the wonders of the natural world.")
(set: $endpeg to "continues to aid Ivan's quest, though purely in an editorial capacity. No longer bound to roam the forests in a stinky suit, she enjoys what's left of their lives and becomes passionate about cryptozoology herself. She later wins an Academy Award for film editing.")
(set: $endyou to "spend more and more time in the Bigfoot costume as the months drag on. Eventually, you find yourself sleeping in the wilderness, constantly on the run, as the last vestiges of human life slip away. You are Bigfoot now, and Bigfoot is you.")
(set: $enddream to "becomes the national pastime, as children and adults alike scour their own horizons for creatures that defy explanation.")As you make your way back with Peggy, you hear Ivan before you see him. His ragged, noisy breathing and occasional cries for help become clearer and clearer as you move through the trees, and soon you see what you had suddenly become afraid of.
Ivan is trapped in a steel bear trap. You knew you should have warned him about it. His leg is torn open, and he's clearly lost a lot of blood. Insects have begun to get at the wound.
//Ivan!//
''Shit.''
Ivan looks at Peggy incredulously.
"Peg? What are you wearing? What is that? Did you kill and skin Bigfoot?"
Peggy tries to open the trap.
//This isn't the time, dummy. We have to get you out of this thing. You - stop dallying and help me!//
Together, you and Peggy prize open the trap. Ivan pulls his leg free. Blood flows freely, but you tie an improvised tourniquet with your camera strap.
''That oughtta stop the bleeding. But we've got to get him some help. That leg's in bad shape.''
But they're not listening to you.
//I know what you think this looks like. But I did it for you.//
"I don't know what to believe anymore."
//Believe in me. In us.//
"I always feared Bigfoot might not live in these great woods. I wouldn't admit it. But I did. I never thought the deception would come from my own beloved Peg."
//This isn't what I wanted.//
"From my own dear Peg."
Ivan looks away and goes silent.
''We have to get him to a doctor.''
//Come on, Ivan.//
''Come on, buddy.''
Together, you help Ivan Marx out of Beaver Swamp, for the last time.
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "is taken to Peggy's veterinary clinic, where his leg is amputated. He quickly falls into a depression out of which he will never emerge, and dies alone, as is his preference.")
(set: $endpeg to "tries to help Ivan, but quickly realises he won't talk to her again. She moves to Los Angeles, where she opens a vet clinic for celebrities' lap dogs and is later made the subject of a reality television show for seniors.")
(set: $endyou to "frequent the bar at which Ivan met you more and more as the months drag on. With the help of your fellow rangers, you find the poachers belonging to the traps, but more pop up every season.")
(set: $enddream to "dies the moment he regains enough consciousness to realise it had all been a lie. Tales of Bigfoot drop from popular culture, and the world loses one of its great legends.")As you make your way back, photos in hand, you hear Ivan before you see him. His ragged, noisy breathing and occasional cries for help become clearer and clearer as you move through the trees, and soon you see what you had suddenly become afraid of.
Ivan is trapped in a steel bear trap. His leg is torn open, and he's clearly lost a lot of blood. Insects have begun to get at the wound.
''Oh shit, Ivan!''
"What is this thing doing here?!"
''It's a poacher trap. We find them every now and again. Look, you're in trouble.''
"You knew about these? You didn't tell me about them? What kind of greenhorn are you?"
''I'm sorry.''
You try to prize open the trap, but it's too strong.
"It's too strong, kid. If Ivan Marx can't open it, nobody can."
''I'm so sorry. I'll get help.''
"No. It's too late."
Ivan's breathing gets shallower. He holds you close with his bloodied hands.
"Tell me, Ranger. Did you get to see him? Did you get to see Bigfoot?"
You pull out the Polaroids and show him.
''I did. He's...magnificent.''
Ivan looks at the Polaroids and smiles faintly.
"He sure is. Tell everyone. Show them his glory. Show them...Bigfoot."
And with that, Ivan dies.
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endyou to "send your photos to a local newspaper, where they get printed on the 'joke news' page and are roundly mocked by staff and readers alike. Also, you live the rest of your life with the guilt of having let an innocent man die.")
(set: $endivan to "is cremated, his ashes scattered in Beaver Swamp. You and Peggy are the only people there, and you never speak again.")
(set: $endpeg to "escapes the Bigfoot-imitating lifestyle in which she found herself, but still gets pangs of regret and sadness whenever she touches hair or smells the stench of sweat.")
(set: $enddream to "dies with him, surviving only in his grainy black-and-white footage and photographs.")As you stumble back through the woods in Peggy's rancid Bigfoot costume, you hear Ivan before you see him. His ragged, noisy breathing and occasional cries for help become clearer and clearer as you move through the trees, and soon you see what you had suddenly become afraid of.
Ivan is trapped in a steel bear trap. You knew you should have warned him about it. His leg is torn open, and he's clearly lost a lot of blood. Insects have begun to get at the wound.
As you step into view, Ivan gasps so hard he nearly chokes. He reaches out to you.
"It's you! It's...you! ...Bigfoot!"
Ivan's eyes are full of the fear and wonder of a dying man.
(if: (history:) contains "peglife")[You remember Peggy's description of the Bigfoot style. Extending your stride, you make your way towards him, grunting in what you hope is sympathy. ]As you reach Ivan, you try to prize open the trap. It won't budge.
Ivan's breath grows ragged.
"Don't worry, my friend. Soon I will be just like you. Part of the forest. Part of God's wondrous cornucopia. Part of you."
You try to put pressure on Ivan's leg. The costume becomes matted down with blood. Ivan grabs your furry arm limply.
"You're more magnificent than I -- than I ever dreamed. And now I can dream of you forever."
Ivan's grip relaxes, and his arm drops to the forest floor. Dead, like the rest of him.
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "is cremated, his ashes scattered in Beaver Swamp. You and Peggy are the only people there, and you place a carving of Bigfoot on the place where he died.")
(set: $endpeg to "returns to veterinary practice full-time after Ivan's death, but releases a book of his photographs to honour his memory. Though she will always miss Ivan, she does so fondly.")
(set: $endyou to "are fired and indicted for criminal negligence and go to prison for a short spell. Upon your release, you devote your life to finding the poachers who set the traps that killed Ivan. You never find them, and are eventually found dead, wearing a bloodied Bigfoot costume, surrounded by empty bourbon bottles.")
(set: $enddream to "lives on in the hearts and minds of the children who read Peggy's book, and imagine something out there that science can't quite explain.")You and Peggy walk back out to your truck, and drive back to the bar. In the truck, you open the windows to let some of the Bigfoot suit's stench out, but it doesn't work.
You approach the door of the bar.
//Mask on? Mask off?//
''Go for the dramatic.''
Peggy puts her Bigfoot mask on. You open the door for Peggy and follow her in.
Upon seeing Peggy's beastly appearance, the bartender instinctually reaches below the bar and pulls out a shotgun, aiming it at her.
Ivan's eyes go wide and he drops his sarsparilla.
Peggy laughs and steps towards the bartender to explain, then takes a round of buckshot in her chest. She staggers backwards out the door and collapses onto the dirt outside.
You and Ivan leap out the door to Peggy's side as she coughs and splutters. Ivan is in tears.
"Bigfoot! I never thought the great creature would come this close to civilisation. Poor Bigfoot."
''It's not Bigfoot, Ivan.''
"But who would be so treacherous as to impersonate Bigfoot?"
Ivan takes the mask off, revealing Peggy, near death.
"Peg! ...Peg?!"
//Surprise.//
"No. No, no, no. Bigfoot is alive and well. He graces the mountains with his presence! Why, if this was all just some black-hearted ruse...
//My heart's yours, Ivan. I just wanted you to have something--//
Peggy dies. Ivan picks up the Bigfoot mask and walks a few paces away, staring at it. He stays there until the emergency services arrive.
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "never recovers from the loss of the two things most dear to him. He starts asking the new bartender (after the old one was sent to prison) to add bourbon to his sarsparilla, as he toasts Peggy's place of death multiple times a night. The locals begin to recognise him as the saddest regular the bar has ever known.")
(set: $endpeg to "is taken to a nearby hospital, where her organs are removed and donated to science. Her Bigfoot getup becomes the source of comical anecdotes later told by the doctors on call that night.")
(set: $endyou to "are inspired to write your experience into an essay that gets published in a number of local wildlife magazines. You expand it into a book, but no publishers are interested.")
(set: $enddream to "melts away, like the ice in Ivan's drink. He never again utters the word 'Bigfoot.'")You pocket the Polaroids and return to your truck. Driving back, you switch off the radio, preferring the silence after the day's strangeness.
You pull up in the dirt parking lot outside the bar and approach the door. Steeling yourself for another bizarre conversation, you enter.
"You're back! Tell me - did you find him? Did you find Bigfoot?!"
You slap the Polaroids down on the bar next to Ivan's sarsparilla.
''Gave quite a chase. I hope these are okay.''
Ivan pores over the photographs.
"Good God almighty. He's even more magnificent than I had imagined! How did you get so close!"
''As I say, quite a chase.''
"These are incredible. Those scientists will never doubt me again! Not now. Not with this - this //proof//!"
The bartender asks to see the pictures.
"Go ahead. You'll be seeing these in the newspapers before the week's out."
The bartender inspects the pictures for a moment, then laughs wholeheartedly. Ivan's face droops.
''There a problem with the pictures?''
Handing the photos back to Ivan, the bartender shakes his head no and goes back to cleaning glasses. Ivan starts examining the pictures even closer.
''Don't mind him, Ivan.''
"He doesn't believe me. They won't believe me. I have to get physical proof. I have to find some sort of...//sample//, some //hard evidence// that Bigfoot is real!"
Ivan turns to you.
"Thank you. I'm indebted to you for your help. But it seems that my search is still not complete."
''You're kidding. Come on, Ivan. It's over.''
"You've done all you can. This is my burden. My calling. Now, what's needed is a tracker like Ivan Marx. And by God, I will find Bigfoot. Go. Go! Leave me to my thoughts."
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "redoubles his efforts to find Bigfoot. He hires mercenary wildlife trackers to cover more ground, eventually running his accounts dry. Forced to go on the run from debt collectors, he reluctantly turns to poaching to fund his expeditions, which take him to the Himalayas and back. He never finds Bigfoot.")
(set: $endpeg to "continues playing Bigfoot until a close call with one of Ivan's recruits forces her to abandon the costume. When Ivan turns criminal, she abandons him, moving to remote Bella Coola, British Columbia to start an animal shelter there.")
(set: $endyou to "are recruited by Ivan for his great hunt, but turn him down. In response, your name is slandered in every media outlet that publishes Ivan's work, and soon you are bullied out of the Park Ranger service. Sick of the infighting in the wilderness tracking world, you take up a career in automobile maintenance.")
(set: $enddream to "starts a nationwide Bigfoot-hunting craze. Enthusiasts and families alike join in, trekking cross-country in search of footprints or other evidence. A cottage industry forms around it, which collapses as soon as Ivan is outed as a wildlife poacher. At that point, nobody wants to find Bigfoot.")You walk back out to your truck, and drive back to the bar, all the while wearing Peggy's rancid Bigfoot costume. In the truck, you open the windows to let some of the stench out, but it doesn't work.
You approach the door to the bar, wondering how to enter. (if: (history:) contains "peglife")[You make animal noises, in the manner of what you think a deer-bear hybrid would sound like, and puff your body up as big as you can.]
Barging through the door, you make a mighty Sasquatch growl. Ivan's eyes go wide and he drops his sarsparilla.
As if on instinct, the bartender reaches below the bar and pulls out a shotgun, aiming it at you.
"No, Gary!"
You take a step towards Gary, then take a round of buckshot in the chest. You stagger backwards out the door and collapse onto the dirt outside.
The last thing you see is Ivan Marx, aghast, removing your mask.
[[Epilogue|epilogue]]
(set: $endivan to "never trusts the Park Ranger service again for so plainly and brazenly betraying him. He throws out his Bigfoot research and starts a business guiding tourists through the wilderness. But whatever happiness he attains is soured by the memory of what he once thought was possible.")
(set: $endpeg to "gains a new lease on life as Ivan's mind clears from its Bigfoot-induced haze. She nurses sick animals back to health, reintroducing them into the wild when they are well enough, and becomes responsible for repopulating several endangered species. Never once does she mention her having made the Bigfoot costume.")
(set: $endyou to "are interred in your family's plot in a remote Manitoba town. Occasionally, family members visit your grave and ask why you left them all those years ago, and why you died wearing a Bigfoot costume. But their visits become less and less frequent, until they too have passed, and all memory of your life has been lost.")
(set: $enddream to "is proven to be a hoax by the Park Ranger service.")You stop Ivan and point out a trap.
''Keep an eye out for traps. Poachers've been and gone, but they'll be back for these.''
"Good thing you warned me! I wouldn't want to end up burger meat at some fast food restaurant!"
''Just try not to die, please.''
You make a mental note to locate and disarm the traps later.
You reach the edge of Beaver Swamp, go prone, and wait.
About five minutes later, you catch a glimpse of a dark shape moving in the distance.
[[Point it out to Ivan|glimpse]]You make a mental note to locate and disarm the traps later, and otherwise think nothing of it. (if: $dickhead is 1)[You grin privately to yourself.]
"Boy, sure is quiet in the forest. You could really lose yourself in here, couldn't you?"
''If only.''
You reach the edge of Beaver Swamp, go prone, and wait.
About five minutes later, you catch a glimpse of a dark shape moving in the distance.
[[Point it out to Ivan|glimpse]]
(set: $going to "ivan")''I think we should tell Ivan the truth.''
//About me?//
''About all of it.''
//He'd be crushed if he found his precious Bigfoot was Peggy in a bearskin. He's so convinced Bigfoot is real. That he can find him.//
''This gives you an out.''
//At the expense of Ivan's sanity? I don't know. It seems like the worst way to do it. There's got to be a better option.//
''A better option than the truth?''
//The truth's overrated. The truth hurts. Are you really ready to hurt Ivan?//
(if: $going is "ivan")[[[Return with Peggy in costume|truth_trap]]] (if: $going is "alone")[[[Return with Peggy in costume|truth_bar]]] (if: $going is "together")[[[Return with Peggy in costume|truth_woods]]]
[[Change your mind|whattodo]]
(set: $wtd_changemind to 1)''Ivan wanted photos. I've got photos.''
//You're just going to give him what he wants?//
''He thinks it'll prove his theory if someone independent gets evidence that Bigfoot exists.''
//It won't be enough.//
''I don't have the heart to tell him it's all a lie.''
//He'll just keep spiralling into that delusional pit of his. Look, you don't have to live with him. You can give him the hard answers.//
''He might stop. You wouldn't have to pretend to be Bigfoot anymore.''
//The only thing that will make Ivan Marx stop searching for Bigfoot is if he invites him in for a sarsparilla.//
(if: $going is "ivan")[[[Return with Bigfoot photos|photos_trap]]] (if: $going is "alone")[[[Return with Bigfoot photos|photos_bar]]] (if: $going is "together")[[[Return with Bigfoot photos|photos_woods]]]
[[Change your mind|whattodo]]
(set: $wtd_changemind to 1)''What if I took the costume and tried to scare him off or something?''
//Scare him off? You're gonna scare Ivan Marx off Bigfoot?//
''[[I can be fearsome.]]''
//He'll probably try to capture you if you get too close. What's better proof than the real deal? And then what are you gonna do?//
''An old man isn't going to catch me.''
//He's spry for his age.//
''I don't need to know.''
//Anyway, I only have this to wear.//
''You're about my size. We'll swap.''
(if: $going is "ivan")[[[Swap clothing with Peggy|becomebf_trap]]] (if: $going is "alone")[[[Swap clothing with Peggy|becomebf_bar]]] (if: $going is "together")[[[Swap clothing with Peggy|becomebf_woods]]]
[[Change your mind|whattodo]]
(set: $wtd_changemind to 1)SWAMP CREEK
This town takes after the body of water it's named after. Which is to say: it's more of a swamp than a creek. Flat, full of undesirables, and nobody ever leaves. Smells a bit, too.BEAVER SWAMP
Up the creek from Swamp Creek is the Swamp that feeds the Creek. The mother-swamp. Somebody saw a beaver here once, but they've definitely vacated the premises since then. Big family of midges moved in, though. Not particularly hospitable to visitors.BEAR TRAP
This trap has caught its share of prey. Maybe not bears, but whatever animal died in it last, it's hard to tell its blood from the rust. This one's concealed under a small pile of thin branches. Obviously, your trained eyes can see it, but it'd be hard to pick out if weren't looking - or if you had cataracts.POACHERS
"Hey, Ranger, uh, I gotta have a word about those, uh, gentlemen you hauled in last week. Now, I know you've got a duty to keep things clear out there, but look, these are fine gentlemen. Very fine gentlemen. Many's a night I've whiled away with them, smoking our cigars and smoking their meat. I'm not saying drop the charges. But what's a few dead bears between friends, huh?"
- Chief Ranger RobertsPOLAROID CAMERA
Photos in your camera bag:
- A tree that's been tagged - probably by some damn kids.
- A bear, its face partially blown off by a high-powered rifle, with an evidence number beside it.
- A selfie on your ranch, posing with your dog Tony. He's not even remotely looking at the camera.
- A landscape shot from the observation tower nearby, looking west at sunset.
- An accidental, blurry shot with your face just in the corner.BIG GUYS
The last people you called up on charges were a bunch of poachers. Each one had a good eight inches on you height-wise, and a foot or two in girth. They laughed when you tried to fine them. But to be honest, you had no way of making them pay up.I CAN BE FEARSOME
When you were in high school, you once performed in a production of Shakespeare's "A Winter's Tale." You fought hard to get cast as the bear in the stage direction "Exit, pursued by a bear." After a week of badgering, you got the part. You weren't very good.