Once you are naked, the men stand at a distance watching you. They become transfixed. They fall into a hypnotic state and cannot move except for their rolling eyes, which follow you with a fixed [[gaze|Gaze]].

You are a trans woman. You have a brown body. Quick to panic, your mind cannot settle easily. \n\nYour thoughts coalesce in a mixture of English and Spanish. Your parents are from another country, wherever they are now.\n\nYou are now aware of an ambient hostility. It filters into the room you are in. It forms the ground holding everything up and the world you've been born [[into|Now]]. \n

You see the faces of your family. Their outstretched arms will either embrace you or obliterate you - it is impossible to [[know|Start]] beforehand.

You are sure the worst will happen. You faint. Ashamed, the tree lowers you to the [[ground|Start]].

You walk toward the source of warm, wavering light in the room. It is an altar. Unable to control your limbs after the long slumber, you bump into the table, knocking over the [[candles and stone idols|Table]].

Even without knowing why. \nEven without understanding it at all. \nAll of a sudden you are awake and you are [[alive|Alive]].

Stay in the [[room|Room]]. \n\nGo for a [[walk|Walk]]. \n\n

Between its worn, red covers the book holds a stack of small pages - they've come apart from the binding. It seems to be written in a language you recognize. \n\nYou [[know|Know]] this language.\n\nYou [[don't know|Don't know]] this language.

You step off the path. The ground beneath you falls away: your body goes cold, you fall into [[the abyss|Start]].

You are a trans woman. You have a brown body. Quick to panic, your mind cannot settle easily. \n\nYour thoughts coalesce in a mixture of English and Spanish. Your parents are from another country, wherever they are now.\n\nYou are now aware of an ambient hostility. It filters into the room you are in. It forms the ground holding everything up and the world you've been born [[into|Now]].

The object draws [[near|Near]].

The books is full of lies and hate. It describes a group of people who exist outside the author's notions of normal life and even personhood - naturally they must be destroyed. In short, the book concludes, you yourself should not be alive. \n\nYou are familiar with this kind of writing; it is everywhere in this world. You tear the pages apart with hands and [[return to yourself|Room]].

Unos cuantos piquetitos

It's simple: no matter what you do, no matter where you go or how you live, there is no escape because the void is closing against you at all times. \n\nThe void will eventually consume you: [[choose to live|Live]].\n

You are a trans woman. You have a brown body. Quick to panic, your mind cannot settle easily. \n\nYour thoughts coalesce in a mixture of English and Spanish. Your parents are from another country, wherever they are now.\n\nYou are now aware of an ambient hostility. It filters into the room you are in. It forms the ground holding everything up and the world you've been born [[into|Now]].

You can stay in [[bed|Bed]] all day. There's a [[book|Book]] at your bedside. \n\nYou can examine the room in [[detail|Detail]].\n\nYou can go [[outside|Walk]].

The tree recoils. It drops you to the ground. You run off into the darkness and become [[lost|Start]].

Simple. To stay in bed is to feel no pain, to have none of the panic and unease. Now, you are equally prepared to [[face the world|Walk]] outside or to [[stay in bed|More bed]] forever. \n\n

One by one the branches of the tree break apart and you fall to the ground. You sit among the splinters and bark and oozing wet matter. As soon as you feel safe, you start sobbing uncontrollably - it never [[stops|Start]].

Obviously, you should have been more careful. A very sudden, very loud sound pulses through the air as you are picked up from the ground and lifted into the [[night|Start]].

The problem with never leaving is that your fear grows - feeding upon itself, unchallenged, the fear multiplies. Soon, it is impossible to contemplate leaving the bed or the room. You surrender and it is a different kind of [[death|Start]].

Jamie Berrout

The first branches hold and you pull yourself higher. Then the branches underneath you crackle - the branches wrap themselves around your [[body|Wrap]].

Sometimes it's better not to know: when a stranger calls out to you on the street, when a stanger approaches you on the train, when a stranger searches for your eyes with their gaze, when a film or a book might possibly refer to you. \n\n[[Put down the book|Room]].

Before long, a mob of pale men in suits emerge from the darkness around you. Without a word, they strip off your clothing. There's nothing you can do. You think, "[[This is not how it happens|Happens]]."

A full-length mirror stands in the path. It looks expensive. You put your hands out to touch the [[mirror|Faces]].

You take stock of your [[memories|Memories]]. \n\nYou take stock of your [[body|Body]]. \n\nYou take stock of the [[shifting distance|Distance]] between your memories and your body.

It's dark. There's a path that veers [[left|Left]]. There's a path that veers [[right|Right]]. \n\nThere is a bed of flowers, their familiar scent is inviting. You're sure you will remember again if you [[approach|Approach]]. \n\nThere are clouds above moving quickly. The lights of a flying object show through the clouds, lighting up the night at intervals. You could stand still to [[observe|Observe]] the object or [[climb|Climb]] a tall tree for a better look. \n\n

With a sharp stick, you put out their eyes, one by one: it is easy. You keep walking. You don't look [[back|Start]].

The tree speaks. \n\nIt says, "What's wrong with you? What do you think you are - you're not a girl?" as it tightens its grip on your body. \n\nYou respond: \n\n\ta. [["I'm a girl!"|Answer girl]]\n\t\n\tb. [["Fuck your gender binary, read a fucking book, you fuck."|Fuck you]]\n\n\tc. [["Please, no, I've died today already. . ."|Please]]

The room bursts into [[flames|Start]].